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Title:  The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists
Author:  Robert Tressell


In writing this book my intention was to present, in the form of an
interesting story, a faithful picture of working-class life - more
especially of those engaged in the Building trades - in a small town
in the south of England.

I wished to describe the relations existing between the workmen and
their employers, the attitude and feelings of these two classes
towards each other; their circumstances when at work and when out of
employment; their pleasures, their intellectual outlook, their
religious and political opinions and ideals.

The action of the story covers a period of only a little over twelve
months, but in order that the picture might be complete it was
necessary to describe how the workers are circumstanced at all periods
of their lives, from the cradle to the grave.  Therefore the
characters include women and children, a young boy - the apprentice -
some improvers, journeymen in the prime of life, and worn-out old men.

I designed to show the conditions relating from poverty and
unemployment: to expose the futility of the measures taken to deal
with them and to indicate what I believe to be the only real remedy,
namely - Socialism.  I intended to explain what Socialists understand
by the word `poverty': to define the Socialist theory of the causes of
poverty, and to explain how Socialists propose to abolish poverty.

It may be objected that, considering the number of books dealing with
these subjects already existing, such a work as this was uncalled for.
The answer is that not only are the majority of people opposed to
Socialism, but a very brief conversation with an average
anti-socialist is sufficient to show that he does not know what
Socialism means.  The same is true of all the anti-socialist writers
and the `great statesmen' who make anti-socialist speeches: unless we
believe that they are deliberate liars and imposters, who to serve
their own interests labour to mislead other people, we must conclude
that they do not understand Socialism.  There is no other possible
explanation of the extraordinary things they write and say.  The thing
they cry out against is not Socialism but a phantom of their own

Another answer is that `The Philanthropists' is not a treatise or
essay, but a novel.  My main object was to write a readable story full
of human interest and based on the happenings of everyday life, the
subject of Socialism being treated incidentally.

This was the task I set myself.  To what extent I have succeeded is
for others to say; but whatever their verdict, the work possesses at
least one merit - that of being true.  I have invented nothing.  There
are no scenes or incidents in the story that I have not either
witnessed myself or had conclusive evidence of.  As far as I dared I
let the characters express themselves in their own sort of language
and consequently some passages may be considered objectionable.  At
the same time I believe that - because it is true - the book is not
without its humorous side.

The scenes and characters are typical of every town in the South of
England and they will be readily recognized by those concerned.  If
the book is published I think it will appeal to a very large number of
readers.  Because it is true it will probably be denounced as a libel
on the working classes and their employers, and upon the
religious-professing section of the community. But I believe it will
be acknowledged as true by most of those who are compelled to spend
their lives amid the surroundings it describes, and it will be evident
that no attack is made upon sincere religion.

Chapter 1:

An Imperial Banquet.  A Philosophical Discussion.  The Mysterious
Stranger.  Britons Never shall be Slaves

The house was named `The Cave'.  It was a large old-fashioned
three-storied building standing in about an acre of ground, and
situated about a mile outside the town of Mugsborough.  It stood back
nearly two hundred yards from the main road and was reached by means
of a by-road or lane, on each side of which was a hedge formed of
hawthorn trees and blackberry bushes.  This house had been unoccupied
for many years and it was now being altered and renovated for its new
owner by the firm of Rushton & Co., Builders and Decorators.

There were, altogether, about twenty-five men working there,
carpenters, plumbers, plasterers, bricklayers and painters, besides
several unskilled labourers.  New floors were being put in where the
old ones were decayed, and upstairs two of the rooms were being made
into one by demolishing the parting wall and substituting an iron
girder.  Some of the window frames and sashes were so rotten that they
were being replaced. Some of the ceilings and walls were so cracked
and broken that they had to be replastered.  Openings were cut
through walls and doors were being put where no doors had been before.
Old broken chimney pots were being taken down and new ones were being
taken up and fixed in their places.  All the old whitewash had to be
washed off the ceilings and all the old paper had to be scraped off
the walls preparatory to the house being repainted and decorated.  The
air was full of the sounds of hammering and sawing, the ringing of
trowels, the rattle of pails, the splashing of water brushes, and the
scraping of the stripping knives used by those who were removing the
old wallpaper.  Besides being full of these the air was heavily laden
with dust and disease germs, powdered mortar, lime, plaster, and the
dirt that had been accumulating within the old house for years.  In
brief, those employed there might be said to be living in a Tariff
Reform Paradise - they had Plenty of Work.

At twelve o'clock Bob Crass - the painters' foreman - blew a blast
upon a whistle and all hands assembled in the kitchen, where Bert the
apprentice had already prepared the tea, which was ready in the large
galvanized iron pail that he had placed in the middle of the floor.
By the side of the pail were a number of old jam-jars, mugs,
dilapidated tea-cups and one or two empty condensed milk tins.  Each
man on the `job' paid Bert threepence a week for the tea and sugar -
they did not have milk - and although they had tea at breakfast-time
as well as at dinner, the lad was generally considered to be making a

Two pairs of steps, laid parallel on their sides at a distance of
about eight feet from each other, with a plank laid across, in front
of the fire, several upturned pails, and the drawers belonging to the
dresser, formed the seating accommodation.  The floor of the room was
covered with all manner of debris, dust, dirt, fragments of old mortar
and plaster.  A sack containing cement was leaning against one of the
walls, and a bucket containing some stale whitewash stood in one

As each man came in he filled his cup, jam-jar or condensed milk tin
with tea from the steaming pail, before sitting down.  Most of them
brought their food in little wicker baskets which they held on their
laps or placed on the floor beside them.

At first there was no attempt at conversation and nothing was heard
but the sounds of eating and drinking and the drizzling of the bloater
which Easton, one of the painters, was toasting on the end of a
pointed stick at the fire.

`I don't think much of this bloody tea,' suddenly remarked Sawkins,
one of the labourers.

`Well it oughter be all right,' retorted Bert; `it's been bilin' ever
since 'arf past eleven.'

Bert White was a frail-looking, weedy, pale-faced boy, fifteen years
of age and about four feet nine inches in height.  His trousers were
part of a suit that he had once worn for best, but that was so long
ago that they had become too small for him, fitting rather lightly and
scarcely reaching the top of his patched and broken hob-nailed boots.
The knees and the bottoms of the legs of his trousers had been patched
with square pieces of cloth, several shades darker than the original
fabric, and these patches were now all in rags.  His coat was several
sizes too large for him and hung about him like a dirty ragged sack.
He was a pitiable spectacle of neglect and wretchedness as he sat
there on an upturned pail, eating his bread and cheese with fingers
that, like his clothing, were grimed with paint and dirt.

`Well then, you can't have put enough tea in, or else you've bin usin'
up wot was left yesterday,' continued Sawkins.

`Why the bloody 'ell don't you leave the boy alone?' said Harlow,
another painter.  `If you don't like the tea you needn't drink it.
For my part, I'm sick of listening to you about it every damn day.'

`It's all very well for you to say I needn't drink it,' answered
Sawkins, `but I've paid my share an' I've got a right to express an
opinion.  It's my belief that 'arf the money we gives 'him is spent on
penny 'orribles: 'e's always got one in 'is hand, an' to make wot tea
'e does buy last, 'e collects all the slops wot's left and biles it up
day after day.'

`No, I don't!' said Bert, who was on the verge of tears.  `It's not me
wot buys the things at all.  I gives the money I gets to Crass, and 'e
buys them 'imself, so there!'

At this revelation, some of the men furtively exchanged significant
glances, and Crass, the foreman, became very red.

`You'd better keep your bloody thruppence and make your own tea after
this week,' he said, addressing Sawkins, `and then p'raps we'll 'ave a
little peace at meal-times.'

`An' you needn't ask me to cook no bloaters or bacon for you no more,'
added Bert, tearfully, `cos I won't do it.'

Sawkins was not popular with any of the others.  When, about twelve
months previously, he first came to work for Rushton & Co., he was a
simple labourer, but since then he had `picked up' a slight knowledge
of the trade, and having armed himself with a putty-knife and put on a
white jacket, regarded himself as a fully qualified painter.  The
others did not perhaps object to him trying to better his condition,
but his wages - fivepence an hour - were twopence an hour less than
the standard rate, and the result was that in slack times often a
better workman was `stood off' when Sawkins was kept on.  Moreover, he
was generally regarded as a sneak who carried tales to the foreman and
the `Bloke'.  Every new hand who was taken on was usually warned by
his new mates `not to let the b--r Sawkins see anything.'

The unpleasant silence which now ensued was at length broken by one of
the men, who told a dirty story, and in the laughter and applause that
followed, the incident of the tea was forgotten.

`How did you get on yesterday?' asked Crass, addressing Bundy, the
plasterer, who was intently studying the sporting columns of the Daily

`No luck,' replied Bundy, gloomily. `I had a bob each way on
Stockwell, in the first race, but it was scratched before the start.'

This gave rise to a conversation between Crass, Bundy, and one or two
others concerning the chances of different horses in the morrow's
races.  It was Friday, and no one had much money, so at the suggestion
of Bundy, a Syndicate was formed, each member contributing threepence
for the purpose of backing a dead certainty given by the renowned
Captain Kiddem of the Obscurer.  One of those who did not join the
syndicate was Frank Owen, who was as usual absorbed in a newspaper.
He was generally regarded as a bit of a crank: for it was felt that
there must be something wrong about a man who took no interest in
racing or football and was always talking a lot of rot about religion
and politics.  If it had not been for the fact that he was generally
admitted to be an exceptionally good workman, they would have had
little hesitation about thinking that he was mad.  This man was about
thirty-two years of age, and of medium height, but so slightly built
that he appeared taller.  There was a suggestion of refinement in his
clean-shaven face, but his complexion was ominously clear, and an
unnatural colour flushed the think cheeks.

There was a certain amount of justification for the attitude of his
fellow workmen, for Owen held the most unusual and unorthodox opinions
on the subjects mentioned.

The affairs of the world are ordered in accordance with orthodox
opinions.  If anyone did not think in accordance with these he soon
discovered this fact for himself.  Owen saw that in the world a small
class of people were possessed of a great abundance and superfluity
of the things that are produced by work.  He saw also that a very
great number - in fact the majority of the people - lived on the verge
of want; and that a smaller but still very large number lived lives of
semi-starvation from the cradle to the grave; while a yet smaller but
still very great number actually died of hunger, or, maddened by
privation, killed themselves and their children in order to put a
period to their misery.  And strangest of all - in his opinion - he
saw that people who enjoyed abundance of the things that are made by
work, were the people who did Nothing: and that the others, who lived
in want or died of hunger, were the people who worked.  And seeing all
this he thought that it was wrong, that the system that produced such
results was rotten and should be altered.  And he had sought out and
eagerly read the writings of those who thought they knew how it might
be done.

It was because he was in the habit of speaking of these subjects that
his fellow workmen came to the conclusion that there was probably
something wrong with his mind.

When all the members of the syndicate had handed over their
contributions, Bundy went out to arrange matters with the bookie, and
when he had gone Easton annexed the copy of the Obscurer that Bundy
had thrown away, and proceeded to laboriously work through some
carefully cooked statistics relating to Free Trade and Protection.
Bert, his eyes starting out of his head and his mouth wide open, was
devouring the contents of a paper called The Chronicles of Crime.  Ned
Dawson, a poor devil who was paid fourpence an hour for acting as mate
or labourer to Bundy, or the bricklayers, or anyone else who wanted
him, lay down on the dirty floor in a corner of the room and with his
coat rolled up as a pillow, went to sleep.  Sawkins, with the same
intention, stretched himself at full length on the dresser.  Another
who took no part in the syndicate was Barrington, a labourer, who,
having finished his dinner, placed the cup he brought for his tea back
into his dinner basket, took out an old briar pipe which he slowly
filled, and proceeded to smoke in silence.

Some time previously the firm had done some work for a wealthy
gentleman who lived in the country, some distance outside Mugsborough.
This gentleman also owned some property in the town and it was
commonly reported that he had used his influence with Rushton to
induce the latter to give Barrington employment.  It was whispered
amongst the hands that the young man was a distant relative of the
gentleman's, and that he had disgraced himself in some way and been
disowned by his people.  Rushton was supposed to have given him a job
in the hope of currying favour with his wealthy client, from whom he
hoped to obtain more work.  Whatever the explanation of the mystery
may have been, the fact remained that Barrington, who knew nothing of
the work except what he had learned since he had been taken on, was
employed as a painter's labourer at the usual wages - fivepence per

He was about twenty-five years of age and a good deal taller than the
majority of the others, being about five feet ten inches in height and
slenderly though well and strongly built.  He seemed very anxious to
learn all that he could about the trade, and although rather reserved
in his manner, he had contrived to make himself fairly popular with
his workmates.  He seldom spoke unless to answer when addressed, and
it was difficult to draw him into conversation.  At meal-times, as on
the present occasion, he generally smoked, apparently lost in thought
and unconscious of his surroundings.

Most of the others also lit their pipes and a desultory conversation

`Is the gent what's bought this 'ouse any relation to Sweater the
draper?' asked Payne, the carpenter's foreman.

`It's the same bloke,' replied Crass.

`Didn't he used to be on the Town Council or something?'

`'E's bin on the Council for years,' returned Crass.  `'E's on it now.
'E's mayor this year.  'E's bin mayor several times before.'

`Let's see,' said Payne, reflectively, `'e married old Grinder's
sister, didn't 'e?  You know who I mean, Grinder the greengrocer.'

`Yes, I believe he did,' said Crass.

`It wasn't Grinder's sister,' chimed in old Jack Linden.  `It was 'is
niece.  I know, because I remember working in their 'ouse just after
they was married, about ten year ago.'

`Oh yes, I remember now,' said Payne.  `She used to manage one of
Grinder's branch shops didn't she?'

`Yes,' replied Linden.  `I remember it very well because there was a
lot of talk about it at the time.  By all accounts, ole Sweater used
to be a regler 'ot un: no one never thought as he'd ever git married
at all: there was some funny yarns  about several young women what
used to work for him.'

This important matter being disposed of, there followed a brief
silence, which was presently broken by Harlow.

`Funny name to call a 'ouse, ain't it?' he said.  `"The Cave."  I
wonder what made 'em give it a name like that.'

`They calls 'em all sorts of outlandish names nowadays,' said old Jack

`There's generally some sort of meaning to it, though,' observed
Payne.  `For instance, if a bloke backed a winner and made a pile, 'e
might call 'is 'ouse, "Epsom Lodge" or "Newmarket Villa".'

`Or sometimes there's a hoak tree or a cherry tree in the garding,'
said another man; `then they calls it "Hoak Lodge" or "Cherry

`Well, there's a cave up at the end of this garden,' said Harlow with
a grin, `you know, the cesspool, what the drains of the 'ouse runs
into; praps they called it after that.'

`Talking about the drains,' said old Jack Linden when the laughter
produced by this elegant joke had ceased.  `Talking about the drains,
I wonder what they're going to do about them; the 'ouse ain't fit to
live in as they are now, and as for that bloody cesspool it ought to
be done away with.'

`So it is going to be,' replied Crass.  `There's going to be a new set
of drains altogether, carried right out to the road and connected with
the main.'

Crass really knew no more about what was going to be done in this
matter than did Linden, but he felt certain that this course would be
adopted.  He never missed an opportunity of enhancing his own prestige
with the men by insinuating that he was in the confidence of the firm.

`That's goin' to cost a good bit,' said Linden.

`Yes, I suppose it will,' replied Crass, `but money ain't no object to
old Sweater.  'E's got tons of it; you know 'e's got a large wholesale
business in London and shops all over the bloody country, besides the
one 'e's got 'ere.'

Easton was still reading the Obscurer; he was not about to understand
exactly what the compiler of the figures was driving at - probably the
latter never intended that anyone should understand - but he was
conscious of a growing feeling of indignation and hatred against
foreigners of every description, who were ruining this country, and he
began to think that it was about time we did something to protect
ourselves.  Still, it was a very difficult question: to tell the
truth, he himself could not make head or tail of it.  At length he
said aloud, addressing himself to Crass:

`Wot do you think of this 'ere fissical policy, Bob?'

`Ain't thought much about it,' replied Crass.  `I don't never worry my
'ed about politics.'

`Much better left alone,' chimed in old Jack Linden sagely, `argyfying
about politics generally ends up with a bloody row an' does no good to

At this there was a murmur of approval from several of the others.
Most of them were averse from arguing or disputing about politics.  If
two or three men of similar opinions happened to be together they
might discuss such things in a friendly and superficial way, but in a
mixed company it was better left alone.  The 'Fissical Policy'
emanated from the Tory party.  That was the reason why some of them
were strongly in favour of it, and for the same reason others were
opposed to it.  Some of them were under the delusion that they were
Conservatives: similarly, others imagined themselves to be Liberals.
As a matter of fact, most of them were nothing.  They knew as much
about the public affairs of their own country as they did of the
condition of affairs in the planet of Jupiter.

Easton began to regret that he had broached so objectionable a
subject, when, looking up from his paper, Owen said:

`Does the fact that you never "trouble your heads about politics"
prevent you from voting at election times?'

No one answered, and there ensued a brief silence.  Easton however, in
spite of the snub he had received, could not refrain from talking.

`Well, I don't go in for politics much, either, but if what's in this
'ere paper is true, it seems to me as we oughter take some interest in
it, when the country is being ruined by foreigners.'

`If you're going to believe all that's in that bloody rag you'll want
some salt,' said Harlow.

The Obscurer was a Tory paper and Harlow was a member of the local
Liberal club.  Harlow's remark roused Crass.

`Wot's the use of talkin' like that?' he said; `you know very well
that the country IS being ruined by foreigners.  Just go to a shop to
buy something; look round the place an' you'll see that more than 'arf
the damn stuff comes from abroad.  They're able to sell their goods
'ere because they don't 'ave to pay no dooty, but they takes care to
put 'eavy dooties on our goods to keep 'em out of their countries; and
I say it's about time it was stopped.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' said Linden, who always agreed with Crass, because the
latter, being in charge of the job, had it in his power to put in a
good - or a bad - word for a man to the boss.  `'Ear, 'ear!  Now
that's wot I call common sense.'

Several other men, for the same reason as Linden, echoed Crass's
sentiments, but Owen laughed contemptuously.

`Yes, it's quite true that we gets a lot of stuff from foreign
countries,' said Harlow, `but they buys more from us than we do from

`Now you think you know a 'ell of a lot,' said Crass.  `'Ow much more
did they buy from us last year, than we did from them?'

Harlow looked foolish: as a matter of fact his knowledge of the
subject was not much wider than Crass's.  He mumbled something about
not having no 'ed for figures, and offered to bring full particulars
next day.

`You're wot I call a bloody windbag,' continued Crass; `you've got a
'ell of a lot to say, but wen it comes to the point you don't know

`Why, even 'ere in Mugsborough,' chimed in Sawkins - who though still
lying on the dresser had been awakened by the shouting - `We're
overrun with 'em!  Nearly all the waiters and the cook at the Grand
Hotel where we was working last month is foreigners.'

`Yes,' said old Joe Philpot, tragically, `and then thers all them
Hitalian horgin grinders, an' the blokes wot sells 'ot chestnuts; an'
wen I was goin' 'ome last night I see a lot of them Frenchies sellin'
hunions, an' a little wile afterwards I met two more of 'em comin' up
the street with a bear.'

Notwithstanding the disquieting nature of this intelligence, Owen
again laughed, much to the indignation of the others, who thought it
was a very serious state of affairs.  It was a dam' shame that these
people were allowed to take the bread out of English people's mouths:
they ought to be driven into the bloody sea.

And so the talk continued, principally carried on by Crass and those
who agreed with him.  None of them really understood the subject: not
one of them had ever devoted fifteen consecutive minutes to the
earnest investigation of it.  The papers they read were filled with
vague and alarming accounts of the quantities of foreign merchandise
imported into this country, the enormous number of aliens constantly
arriving, and their destitute conditions, how they lived, the crimes
they committed, and the injury they did to British trade.  These were
the seeds which, cunningly sown in their minds, caused to grow up
within them a bitter undiscriminating hatred of foreigners.  To them
the mysterious thing they variously called the `Friscal Policy', the
`Fistical Policy', or the `Fissical Question' was a great Anti-Foreign
Crusade.  The country was in a hell of a state, poverty, hunger and
misery in a hundred forms had already invaded thousands of homes and
stood upon the thresholds of thousands more.  How came these things to
be?  It was the bloody foreigner!  Therefore, down with the foreigners
and all their works.  Out with them.  Drive them b--s into the bloody
sea!  The country would be ruined if not protected in some way.  This
Friscal, Fistical, Fissical or whatever the hell policy it was called,
WAS Protection, therefore no one but a bloody fool could hesitate to
support it.  It was all quite plain - quite simple.  One did not need
to think twice about it.  It was scarcely necessary to think about it
at all.

This was the conclusion reached by Crass and such of his mates who
thought they were Conservatives - the majority of them could not have
read a dozen sentences aloud without stumbling - it was not necessary
to think or study or investigate anything.  It was all as clear as
daylight.  The foreigner was the enemy, and the cause of poverty and
bad trade.

When the storm had in some degree subsided,

`Some of you seem to think,' said Owen, sneeringly, `that it was a
great mistake on God's part to make so many foreigners.  You ought to
hold a mass meeting about it: pass a resolution something like this:
"This meeting of British Christians hereby indignantly protests
against the action of the Supreme Being in having created so many
foreigners, and calls upon him to forthwith rain down fire, brimstone
and mighty rocks upon the heads of all those Philistines, so that they
may be utterly exterminated from the face of the earth, which rightly
belongs to the British people".'

Crass looked very indignant, but could think of nothing to say in
answer to Owen, who continued:

`A little while ago you made the remark that you never trouble
yourself about what you call politics, and some of the rest agreed
with you that to do so is not worth while.  Well, since you never
"worry" yourself about these things, it follows that you know nothing
about them; yet you do not hesitate to express the most decided
opinions concerning matters of which you admittedly know nothing.
Presently, when there is an election, you will go and vote in favour
of a policy of which you know nothing.  I say that since you never
take the trouble to find out which side is right or wrong you have no
right to express any opinion.  You are not fit to vote.  You should
not be allowed to vote.'

Crass was by this time very angry.

`I pays my rates and taxes,' he shouted, `an' I've got as much right
to express an opinion as you 'ave.  I votes for who the bloody 'ell I
likes.  I shan't arst your leave nor nobody else's!  Wot the 'ell's it
got do with you who I votes for?'

`It has a great deal to do with me.  If you vote for Protection you
will be helping to bring it about, and if you succeed, and if
Protection is the evil that some people say is is, I shall be one of
those who will suffer.  I say you have no right to vote for a policy
which may bring suffering upon other people, without taking the
trouble to find out whether you are helping to make things better or

Owen had risen from his seat and was walking up and down the room
emphasizing his words with excited gestures.

`As for not trying to find out wot side is right,' said Crass,
somewhat overawed by Owen's manner and by what he thought was the
glare of madness in the latter's eyes, `I reads the Ananias every
week, and I generally takes the Daily Chloroform, or the Hobscurer,
so I ought to know summat about it.'

`Just listen to this,' interrupted Easton, wishing to create a
diversion and beginning to read from the copy of the Obscurer which he
still held in his hand:


  `Great as was the distress among the working classes last year,
  unfortunately there seems every prospect that before the winter
  which has just commenced is over the distress will be even more

  Already the Charity Society and kindred associations are relieving
  more cases than they did at the corresponding time last year.
  Applications to the Board of Guardians have also been much more
  numerous, and the Soup Kitchen has had to open its doors on Nov. 7th
  a fortnight earlier than usual.  The number of men, women and
  children provided with meals is three or four times greater than
  last year.'

Easton stopped: reading was hard work to him.

`There's a lot more,' he said, `about starting relief works: two
shillings a day for married men and one shilling for single and
something about there's been 1,572 quarts of soup given to poor
families wot was not even able to pay a penny, and a lot more.  And
'ere's another thing, an advertisement:


  Sir: Distress among the poor is so acute that I earnestly ask you
  for aid for The Salvation Army's great Social work on their behalf.
  Some 600 are being sheltered nightly.  Hundreds are found work
  daily.  Soup and bread are distributed in the midnight hours to
  homeless wanderers in London.  Additional workshops for the
  unemployed have been established.  Our Social Work for men, women
  and children, for the characterless and the outcast, is the largest
  and oldest organized effort of its kind in the country, and greatly
  needs help.  10,000 is required before Christmas Day.  Gifts may be
  made to any specific section or home, if desired.  Can you please
  send us something to keep the work going?  Please address cheques,
  crossed Bank of England (Law Courts Branch), to me at 101, Queen
  Victoria Street, EC.  Balance Sheets and Reports upon application.
          `BRAMWELL BOOTH.'

`Oh, that's part of the great 'appiness an' prosperity wot Owen makes
out Free Trade brings,' said Crass with a jeering laugh.

`I never said Free Trade brought happiness or prosperity,' said Owen.

`Well, praps you didn't say exactly them words, but that's wot it
amounts to.'

`I never said anything of the kind.  We've had Free Trade for the last
fifty years and today most people are living in a condition of more or
less abject poverty, and thousands are literally starving.  When we
had Protection things were worse still.  Other countries have
Protection and yet many of their people are glad to come here and work
for starvation wages.  The only difference between Free Trade and
Protection is that under certain circumstances one might be a little
worse that the other, but as remedies for Poverty, neither of them are
of any real use whatever, for the simple reason that they do not deal
with the real causes of Poverty.'

`The greatest cause of poverty is hover-population,' remarked Harlow.

`Yes,' said old Joe Philpot.  `If a boss wants two men, twenty goes
after the job: ther's too many people and not enough work.'

`Over-population!' cried Owen, `when there's thousands of acres of
uncultivated land in England without a house or human being to be
seen.  Is over-population the cause of poverty in France?  Is
over-population the cause of poverty in Ireland?  Within the last
fifty years the population of Ireland has been reduced by more than
half.  Four millions of people have been exterminated by famine or got
rid of by emigration, but they haven't got rid of poverty.  P'raps you
think that half the people in this country ought to be exterminated as

Here Owen was seized with a violent fit of coughing, and resumed his
seat.  When the cough had ceased he say wiping his mouth with his
handkerchief and listening to the talk that ensued.

`Drink is the cause of most of the poverty,' said Slyme.

This young man had been through some strange process that he called
`conversion'.  He had had a `change of 'art' and looked down with
pious pity upon those he called `worldly' people.  He  was not
`worldly', he did not smoke or drink and never went to the theatre.
He had an extraordinary notion that total abstinence was one of the
fundamental principles of the Christian religion.  It never occurred
to what he called his mind, that this doctrine is an insult to the
Founder of Christianity.

`Yes,' said Crass, agreeing with Slyme, `an' thers plenty of 'em wot's
too lazy to work when they can get it.  Some of the b--s who go about
pleading poverty 'ave never done a fair day's work in all their bloody
lives.  Then thers all this new-fangled machinery,' continued Crass.
`That's wot's ruinin' everything.  Even in our trade ther's them
machines for trimmin' wallpaper, an' now they've brought out a
paintin' machine.  Ther's a pump an' a 'ose pipe, an' they reckon two
men can do as much with this 'ere machine as twenty could without it.'

`Another thing is women,' said Harlow, `there's thousands of 'em
nowadays doin' work wot oughter be done by men.'

`In my opinion ther's too much of this 'ere eddication, nowadays,'
remarked old Linden.  `Wot the 'ell's the good of eddication to the
likes of us?'

`None whatever,' said Crass, `it just puts foolish idears into
people's 'eds and makes 'em too lazy to work.'

Barrington, who took no part in the conversation, still sat silently
smoking.  Owen was listening to this pitiable farrago with feelings of
contempt and wonder.  Were they all hopelessly stupid?  Had their
intelligence never developed beyond the childhood stage?  Or was he
mad himself?

`Early marriages is another thing,' said Slyme: `no man oughtn't to be
allowed to get married unless he's in a position to keep a family.'

`How can marriage be a cause of poverty?' said Owen, contemptuously.
`A man who is not married is living an unnatural life.  Why don't you
continue your argument a little further and say that the practice of
eating and drinking is the cause of poverty or that if people were to
go barefoot and naked there would be no poverty?  The man who is so
poor that he cannot marry is in a condition of poverty already.'

`Wot I mean,' said Slyme, `is that no man oughtn't to marry till he's
saved up enough so as to 'ave some money in the bank; an' another
thing, I reckon a man oughtn't to get married till 'e's got an 'ouse
of 'is own.  It's easy enough to buy one in a building society if
you're in reg'lar work.'

At this there was a general laugh.

`Why, you bloody fool,' said Harlow, scornfully, `most of us is
walkin' about 'arf our time.  It's all very well for you to talk;
you've got almost a constant job on this firm.  If they're doin'
anything at all you're one of the few gets a show in.  And another
thing,' he added with a sneer, `we don't all go to the same chapel as
old Misery,'

`Old Misery' was Ruston & Co.'s manager or walking foreman.  `Misery'
was only one of the nicknames bestowed upon him by the hands: he was
also known as `Nimrod' and `Pontius Pilate'.

`And even if it's not possible,' Harlow continued, winking at the
others, `what's a man to do during the years he's savin' up?'

`Well, he must conquer hisself,' said Slyme, getting red.

`Conquer hisself is right!' said Harlow and the others laughed again.

`Of course if a man tried to conquer hisself by his own strength,'
replied Slyme, `'e would be sure to fail, but when you've got the
Grace of God in you it's different.'

`Chuck it, fer Christ's sake!' said Harlow in a tone of disgust.
`We've only just 'ad our dinner!'

`And wot about drink?' demanded old Joe Philpot, suddenly.

`'Ear, 'ear,' cried Harlow.  `That's the bleedin'  talk.  I wouldn't
mind 'avin 'arf a pint now, if somebody else will pay for it.'

Joe Philpot - or as he was usually called, `Old Joe' - was in the
habit of indulging freely in the cup that inebriates.  He was not very
old, being only a little over fifty, but he looked much older.  He had
lost his wife some five years ago and was now alone in the world, for
his three children had died in their infancy.  Slyme's reference to
drink had roused Philpot's indignation; he felt that it was directed
against himself.  The muddled condition of his brain did not permit
him to take up the cudgels in his own behalf, but he knew that
although Owen was a tee-totaller himself, he disliked Slyme.

`There's no need for us to talk about drink or laziness,' returned
Owen, impatiently, `because they have nothing to do with the matter.
The question is, what is the cause of the lifelong poverty of the
majority of those who are not drunkards and who DO work?  Why, if all
the drunkards and won't-works and unskilled or inefficient workers
could be by some miracle transformed into sober, industrious and
skilled workers tomorrow, it would, under the present conditions, be
so much the worse for us, because there isn't enough work for all NOW
and those people by increasing the competition for what work there is,
would inevitably cause a reduction of wages and a greater scarcity of
employment.  The theories that drunkenness, laziness or inefficiency
are the causes of poverty are so many devices invented and fostered by
those who are selfishly interested in maintaining the present states
of affairs, for the purpose of preventing us from discovering the real
causes of our present condition.'

`Well, if we're all wrong,' said Crass, with a sneer, `praps you can
tell us what the real cause is?'

`An' praps you think you know how it's to be altered,' remarked
Harlow, winking at the others.

`Yes; I do think I know the cause,' declared Owen, `and I do think I
know how it could be altered -'

`It can't never be haltered,' interrupted old Linden.  `I don't see no
sense in all this 'ere talk.  There's always been rich and poor in the
world, and there always will be.'

`Wot I always say is there 'ere,' remarked Philpot, whose principal
characteristic - apart from thirst - was a desire to see everyone
comfortable, and who hated rows of any kind.  `There ain't no use in
the likes of us trubblin our 'eds or quarrelin about politics.  It
don't make a dam bit of difference who you votes for or who gets in.
They're hall the same; workin the horicle for their own benefit.  You
can talk till you're black in the face, but you won't never be able to
alter it.  It's no use worrying.  The sensible thing is to try and
make the best of things as we find 'em: enjoy ourselves, and do the
best we can for each other.  Life's too short to quarrel and we'll
hall soon be dead!'

At the end of this lengthy speech, the philosophic Philpot
abstractedly grasped a jam-jar and raised it to his lips; but suddenly
remembering that it contained stewed tea and not beer, set it down
again without drinking.

`Let us begin at the beginning,' continued Owen, taking no notice of
these interruptions.  `First of all, what do you mean by Poverty?'

`Why, if you've got no money, of course,' said Crass impatiently.

The others laughed disdainfully.  It seemed to them such a foolish

`Well, that's true enough as far as it goes,' returned Owen, `that is,
as things are arranged in the world at present.  But money itself is
not wealth: it's of no use whatever.'

At this there was another outburst of jeering laughter.

`Supposing for example that you and Harlow were shipwrecked on a
desolate island, and YOU had saved nothing from the wreck but a bag
containing a thousand sovereigns, and he had a tin of biscuits and a
bottle of water.'

`Make it beer!' cried Harlow appealingly.

`Who would be the richer man, you or Harlow?'

`But then you see we ain't shipwrecked on no dissolute island at all,'
sneered Crass.  `That's the worst of your arguments.  You can't never
get very far without supposing some bloody ridclus thing or other.
Never mind about supposing things wot ain't true; let's 'ave facts and
common sense.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' said old Linden.  `That's wot we want - a little common

`What do YOU mean by poverty, then?' asked Easton.

`What I call poverty is when people are not able to secure for
themselves all the benefits of civilization; the necessaries,
comforts, pleasures and refinements of life, leisure, books, theatres,
pictures, music, holidays, travel, good and beautiful homes, good
clothes, good and pleasant food.'

Everybody laughed.  It was so ridiculous.  The idea of the likes of
THEM wanting or having such things!  Any doubts that any of them had
entertained as to Owen's sanity disappeared.  The man was as mad as a
March hare.

`If a man is only able to provide himself and his family with the bare
necessaries of existence, that man's family is living in poverty.
Since he cannot enjoy the advantages of civilization he might just as
well be a savage: better, in fact, for a savage knows nothing of what
he is deprived.  What we call civilization - the accumulation of
knowledge which has come down to us from our forefathers - is the
fruit of thousands of years of human thought and toil.  It is not the
result of the labour of the ancestors of any separate class of people
who exist today, and therefore it is by right the common heritage of
all.  Every little child that is born into the world, no matter
whether he is clever or full, whether he is physically perfect or
lame, or blind; no matter how much he may excel or fall short of his
fellows in other respects, in one thing at least he is their equal -
he is one of the heirs of all the ages that have gone before.'

Some of them began to wonder whether Owen was not sane after all.  He
certainly must be a clever sort of chap to be able to talk like this.
It sounded almost like something out of a book, and most of them could
not understand one half of it.

`Why is it,' continued Owen, `that we are not only deprived of our
inheritance - we are not only deprived of nearly all the benefits of
civilization, but we and our children and also often unable to obtain
even the bare necessaries of existence?'

No one answered.

`All these things,' Owen proceeded, `are produced by those who work.
We do our full share of the work, therefore we should have a full
share of the things that are made by work.'

The others continued silent.  Harlow thought of the over-population
theory, but decided not to mention it.  Crass, who could not have
given an intelligent answer to save his life, for once had sufficient
sense to remain silent.  He did think of calling out the patent
paint-pumping machine and bringing the hosepipe to bear on the
subject, but abandoned the idea; after all, he thought, what was the
use of arguing with such a fool as Owen?

Sawkins pretended to be asleep.

Philpot, however, had suddenly grown very serious.

`As things are now,' went on Owen, `instead of enjoying the advantages
of civilization we are really worse off than slaves, for if we were
slaves our owners in their own interest would see to it that we always
had food and -'

`Oh, I don't see that,' roughly interrupted old Linden, who had been
listening with evident anger and impatience.  `You can speak for
yourself, but I can tell yer I don't put MYSELF down as a slave.'

`Nor me neither,' said Crass sturdily.  `Let them call their selves
slaves as wants to.'

At this moment a footstep was heard in the passage leading to the
kitchen.  Old Misery! or perhaps the bloke himself!  Crass hurriedly
pulled out his watch.

`Jesus Christ!' he gasped.  `It's four minutes past one!'

Linden frantically seized hold of a pair of steps and began wandering
about the room with them.

Sawkins scrambled hastily to his feet and, snatching a piece of
sandpaper from the pocket of his apron, began furiously rubbing down
the scullery door.

Easton threw down the copy of the Obscurer and scrambled hastily to
his feet.

The boy crammed the Chronicles of Crime into his trousers pocket.

Crass rushed over to the bucket and began stirring up the stale
whitewash it contained, and the stench which it gave forth was simply

Consternation reigned.

They looked like a gang of malefactors suddenly interrupted in the
commission of a crime.

The door opened.  It was only Bundy returning from his mission to the

Chapter 2:

Nimrod: a Mighty Hunter before the Lord

Mr Hunter, as he was called to his face and as he was known to his
brethren at the Shining Light Chapel, where he was superintendant of
the Sunday School, or `Misery' or `Nimrod'; as he was named behind his
back by the workmen over whom he tyrannized, was the general or
walking foreman of `manager' of the firm whose card is herewith
presented to the reader:

                            RUSHTON & CO.
            Builders, Decorators, and General Contractors
                         FUNERALS FURNISHED
        Estimates given for General Repairs to House Property
              First-class Work only at Moderate Charges

There were a number of sub-foremen or `coddies', but Hunter was THE

He was a tall, thin man whose clothes hung loosely on the angles of
his round-shouldered, bony form.  His long, thin legs, about which the
baggy trousers draped in ungraceful folds, were slightly knock-kneed
and terminated in large, flat feet.  His arms were very long even for
such a tall man, and the huge, bony hands were gnarled and knotted.
When he removed his bowler hat, as he frequently did to wipe away with
a red handkerchief the sweat occasioned by furious bicycle riding, it
was seen that his forehead was high, flat and narrow.  His nose was a
large, fleshy, hawklike beak, and from the side of each nostril a deep
indentation extended downwards until it disappeared in the dropping
moustache that concealed his mouth, the vast extent of which was
perceived only when he opened it to bellow at the workmen his
exhortations to greater exertions.  His chin was large and
extraordinarily long.  The eyes were pale blue, very small and close
together, surmounted by spare, light-coloured, almost invisible
eyebrows, with a deep vertical cleft between them over the nose.  His
head, covered with thick, coarse brown hair, was very large at the
back; the ears were small and laid close to the head.  If one were to
make a full-face drawing of his cadaverous visage it would be found
that the outline resembled that of the lid of a coffin.

This man had been with Rushton - no one had ever seen the `Co.' - for
fifteen years, in fact almost from the time when the latter commenced
business.  Rushton had at that period realized the necessity of having
a deputy who could be used to do all the drudgery and running about so
that he himself might be free to attend to the more pleasant or
profitable matters.  Hunter was then a journeyman, but was on the
point of starting on his own account, when Rushton offered him a
constant job as foreman, two pounds a week, and two and a half per
cent of the profits of all work done.  On the face of it this appeared
a generous offer.  Hunter closed with it, gave up the idea of starting
for himself, and threw himself heart and mind into the business.  When
an estimate was to be prepared it was Hunter who measured up the work
and laboriously figured out the probably cost.  When their tenders
were accepted it was he who superintended the work and schemed how to
scamp it, where possible, using mud where mortar was specified, mortar
where there ought to have been cement, sheet zinc where they were
supposed to put sheet lead, boiled oil instead of varnish, and three
coats of paint where five were paid for.  In fact, scamping the work
was with this man a kind of mania.  It grieved him to see anything
done properly.  Even when it was more economical to do a thing well,
he insisted from force of habit on having it scamped.  Then he was
almost happy, because he felt that he was doing someone down.  If
there were an architect superintending the work, Misery would square
him or bluff him.  If it were not possible to do either, at least he
had a try; and in the intervals of watching, driving and bullying the
hands, his vulture eye was ever on the look out for fresh jobs.  His
long red nose was thrust into every estate agent's office in the town
in the endeavour to smell out what properties had recently changed
hands or been let, in order that he might interview the new owners and
secure the order for whatever alterations or repairs might be
required.  He it was who entered into unholy compacts with numerous
charwomen and nurses of the sick, who in return for a small commission
would let him know when some poor sufferer was passing away and would
recommend Rushton & Co. to the bereaved and distracted relatives.  By
these means often - after first carefully inquiring into the financial
position of the stricken family - Misery would contrive to wriggle his
unsavoury carcass into the house of sorrow, seeking, even in the
chamber of death, to further the interests of Rushton & Co. and to
earn his miserable two and a half per cent.

It was to make possible the attainment of this object that Misery
slaved and drove and schemed and cheated.  It was for this that the
workers' wages were cut down to the lowest possible point and their
offspring went ill clad, ill shod and ill fed, and were driven forth
to labour while they were yet children, because their fathers were
unable to earn enough to support their homes.

Fifteen years!

Hunter realized now that Rushton had had considerably the best of the
bargain.  In the first place, it will be seen that the latter had
bought over one who might have proved a dangerous competitor, and now,
after fifteen years, the business that had been so laboriously built
up, mainly by Hunter's energy, industry and unscrupulous cunning,
belonged to Rushton & Co.  Hunter was but an employee, liable to
dismissal like any other workman, the only difference being that he
was entitled to a week's notice instead of an hour's notice, and was
but little better off financially than when he started for the firm.

Fifteen years!

Hunter knew now that he had been used, but he also knew that it was
too late to turn back.  He had not saved enough to make a successful
start on his own account even if he had felt mentally and physically
capable of beginning all over again, and if Rushton were to discharge
him right now he was too old to get a job as a journeyman.  Further,
in his zeal for Rushton & Co. and his anxiety to earn his commission,
he had often done things that had roused the animosity of rival firms
to such an extent that it was highly improbable that any of them would
employ him, and even if they would, Misery's heart failed him at the
thought of having to meet on an equal footing those workmen whom he
had tyrannized over and oppressed.  It was for these reasons that
Hunter was as terrified of Rushton as the hands were of himself.

Over the men stood Misery, ever threatening them with dismissal and
their wives and children with hunger.  Behind Misery was Rushton, ever
bullying and goading him on to greater excuses and efforts for the
furtherance of the good cause - which was to enable the head of the
firm to accumulate money.

Mr Hunter, at the moment when the reader first makes his acquaintance
on the afternoon of the day when the incidents recorded in the first
chapter took place, was executing a kind of strategic movement in the
direction of the house where Crass and his mates were working.  He
kept to one side of the road because by so doing he could not be
perceived by those within the house until the instant of his arrival.
When he was within about a hundred yards of the gate he dismounted
from his bicycle, there being a sharp rise in the road just there, and
as he toiled up, pushing the bicycle in front, his breath showing in
white clouds in the frosty air, he observed a number of men hanging
about.  Some of them he knew; they had worked for him at various
times, but where now out of a job .  There were five men altogether;
three of them were standing in a group, the other two stood each by
himself, being apparently strangers to each other and the first three.
The three men who stood together were nearest to Hunter and as the
latter approached, one of them advanced to meet him.

`Good afternoon, sir.'

Hunter replied by an inarticulate grunt, without stopping; the man

`Any chance of a job, sir?'

`Full up,' replied Hunter, still without stopping.  The man still
followed, like a beggar soliciting charity.

`Be any use calling in a day or so, sir?'

'Don't think so,' Hunter replied.  `Can if you like; but we're full

'Thank you, sir,' said the man, and turned back to his friends.

By this time Hunter was within a few yards of one of the other two
men, who also came to speak to him.  This man felt there was no hope
of getting a job; still, there was no harm in asking.  Besides, he was
getting desperate.  It was over a month now since he had finished up
for his last employer.  It had been a very slow summer altogether.
Sometimes a fortnight for one firm; then perhaps a week doing nothing;
then three weeks or a month for another firm, then out again, and so
on.  And  now it was November.  Last winter they had got into debt;
that was nothing unusual, but owing to the bad summer they had not
been able, as in other years, to pay off the debts accumulated in
winter.  It was doubtful, too, whether they would be able to get
credit again this winter.  In fact this morning when his wife sent
their little girl to the grocer's for some butter the latter had
refused to let the child have it without the money.  So although he
felt it to be useless he accosted Hunter.

This time Hunter stopped: he was winded by his climb up the hill.

`Good afternoon. sir.'
Hunter did not return the salutation; he had not the breath to spare,
but the man was not hurt; he was used to being treated like that.

`Any chance of a job, sir?'

Hunter did not reply at once.  He was short of breath and he was
thinking of a plan that was ever recurring to his mind, and which he
had lately been hankering to put into execution.  It seemed to him
that the long waited for opportunity had come.  Just now Rushton & Co.
were almost the only firm in Mugsborough who had any work.  There were
dozens of good workmen out.  Yes, this was the time.  If this man
agreed he would give him a start.  Hunter knew the man was a good
workman, he had worked for Rushton & Co. before.  To make room for him
old Linden and some other full-price man could be got rid of; it would
not be difficult to find some excuse.

`Well,' Hunter said at last in a doubtful, hesitating kind of way,
`I'm afraid not, Newman.  We're about full up.'

He ceased speaking and remained waiting for the other to say something
more.  He did not look at the man, but stooped down, fidgeting with
the mechanism of the bicycle as if adjusting it.

`Things have been so bad this summer,' Newman went on.  `I've had
rather a rough time of it.  I would be very glad of a job even if it
was only for a week or so.'

There was a pause.  After a while, Hunter raised his eyes to the
other's face, but immediately let them fall again.
`Well,' said he, `I might - perhaps - be able to let you have a day or
two.  You can come here to this job,' and he nodded his head in the
direction of the house where the men were working.  `Tomorrow at
seven.  Of course you know the figure?' he added as Newman was about
to thank him.  `Six and a half.'

Hunter spoke as if the reduction were already an accomplished fact.
The man was more likely to agree, if he thought that others were
already working at the reduced rate.

Newman was taken by surprise and hesitated.  He had never worked under
price; indeed, he had sometimes gone hungry rather than do so; but now
it seemed that others were doing it.  And then he was so awfully hard
up.  If he refused this job he was not likely to get another in a
hurry.  He thought of his home and his family.  Already they owed five
weeks' rent, and last Monday the collector had hinted pretty plainly
that the landlord would not wait much longer.  Not only that, but if
he did not get a job how were they to live?  This morning he himself
had had no breakfast to speak of, only a cup of tea and some dry
bread.  These thoughts crowded upon each other in his mind, but still
he hesitated.  Hunter began to move off.
`Well,' he said, `if you like to start you can come here at seven in
the morning.'  Then as Newman still hesitated he added impatiently,
`Are you coming or not?'

`Yes, sir,' said Newman.

`All right,' said Hunter, affably.  `I'll tell Crass to have a kit
ready for you,'

He nodded in a friendly way to the man, who went off feeling like a

As Hunter resumed his march, well pleased with himself, the fifth man,
who had been waiting all this time, came to meet him.  As he
approached, Hunter recognized him as one who had started work for
Rushton & Co early in the summer, but who had left suddenly of his own
accord, having taken offence at some bullying remark of Hunter's.

Hunter was glad to see this man.  He guessed that the fellow must
be very hard pressed to come again and ask for work after what had

`Any chance of a job, sir?'

Hunter appeared to reflect.

`I believe I have room for one,' he said at length.  `But you're such
an uncertain kind of chap.  You don't seem to care much whether you
work or not.  You're too independent, you know; one can't say two
words to you but you must needs clear off.'

The man made no answer.

`We can't tolerate that kind of thing, you know,' Hunter added.  `If
we were to encourage men of your stamp we should never know where we

So saying, Hunter moved away and again proceeded on his journey.

When he arrived within about three yards of the gate he noiselessly
laid his machine against the garden fence.  The high evergreens that
grew inside still concealed him from the observation of anyone who
might be looking out of the windows of the house.  Then he carefully
crept along till he came to the gate post, and bending down, he
cautiously peeped round to see if he could detect anyone idling, or
talking, or smoking.  There was no one in sight except old Jack
Linden, who was rubbing down the lobby doors with pumice-stone and
water.  Hunter noiselessly opened the gate and crept quietly along the
grass border of the garden path.  His idea was to reach the front
door without being seen, so that Linden could not give notice of his
approach to those within.  In this he succeeded and passed silently
into the house.  He did not speak to Linden; to do so would have
proclaimed his presence to the rest.  He crawled stealthily over the
house but was disappointed in his quest, for everyone he saw was hard
at work.  Upstairs he noticed that the door of one of the rooms was

Old Joe Philpot had been working in this room all day, washing off the
old whitewash from the ceiling and removing the old papers from the
walls with a broad bladed, square topped knife called a stripper.
Although it was only a small room, Joe had had to tear into the work
pretty hard all the time, for the ceiling seemed to have had two or
three coats of whitewash without ever having been washed off, and
there were several thicknesses of paper on the walls.  The difficulty
of removing these papers was increased by the fact that there was a
dado which had been varnished.  In order to get this off it had been
necessary to soak it several times with strong soda water, and
although Joe was as careful as possible he had not been able to avoid
getting some of this stuff on his fingers.  The result was that his
nails were all burnt and discoloured and the flesh round them cracked
and bleeding.  However, he had got it all off at last, and he was not
sorry, for his right arm and shoulder were aching from the prolonged
strain and in the palm of the right hand there was a blister as large
as a shilling, caused by the handle of the stripping knife.

All the old paper being off, Joe washed down the walls with water, and
having swept the paper into a heap in the middle of the floor, he
mixed with a small trowel some cement on a small board and proceeded
to stop up the cracks and holes in the walls and ceiling.  After a
while, feeling very tired, it occurred to him that he deserved a spell
and a smoke for five minutes.  He closed the door and placed a pair of
steps against it.  There were two windows in the room almost opposite
each other; these he opened wide in order that the smoke and smell of
his pipe might be carried away.  Having taken these precautions
against surprise, he ascended to the top of the step ladder that he
had laid against the door and sat down at ease.  Within easy reach was
the top of a cupboard where he had concealed a pint of beer in a
bottle.  To this he now applied himself.  Having taken a long pull at
the bottle, he tenderly replaced it on the top of the cupboard and
proceeded to `hinjoy' a quiet smoke, remarking to himself:

`This is where we get some of our own back.'

He held, however, his trowel in one hand, ready for immediate action
in case of interruption.

Philpot was about fifty-five years old.  He wore no white jacket, only
an old patched apron; his trousers were old, very soiled with paint
and ragged at the bottoms of the legs where they fell over the
much-patched, broken and down-at-heel boots.  The part of his
waistcoat not protected by his apron was covered with spots of dried
paint.  He wore a coloured shirt and a `dickey' which was very soiled
and covered with splashes of paint, and one side of it was projecting
from the opening of the waistcoat.  His head was covered with an old
cap, heavy and shining with paint.  He was very thin and stooped
slightly.  Although he was really only fifty-five, he looked much
older, for he was prematurely aged.

He had not been getting his own back for quite five minutes when
Hunter softly turned the handle of the lock.  Philpot immediately put
out his pipe and descending from his perch opened the door.  When
Hunter entered Philpot closed it again and, mounting the steps, went
on stripping the wall just above.  Nimrod looked at him
suspiciously, wondering why the door had been closed.  He looked all
round the room but could see nothing to complain of.  He sniffed the
air to try if he could detect the odour of tobacco, and if he had not
been suffering a cold in the head there is no doubt that he would have
perceived it.  However, as it was he could smell nothing but all the
same he was not quite satisfied, although he remembered that Crass
always gave Philpot a good character.

`I don't like to have men working on a job like this with the door
shut,' he said at length.  `It always gives me the idear that the
man's 'avin a mike.  You can do what you're doin' just as well with
the door open.'

Philpot, muttering something about it being all the same to him - shut
or open - got down from the steps and opened the door.  Hunter went
out again without making any further remark and once more began
crawling over the house.

Owen was working by himself in a room on the same floor as Philpot.
He was at the window, burning off with a paraffin torch-lamp those
parts of the old paintwork that were blistered and cracked.

In this work the flame of the lamp is directed against the old paint,
which becomes soft and is removed with a chisel knife, or a scraper
called a shavehook.  The door was ajar and he had opened the top sash
of the window for the purpose of letting in some fresh air, because
the atmosphere of the room was foul with the fumes of the lamp and
the smell of the burning paint, besides being heavy with moisture.
The ceiling had only just been water washed and the walls had just been
stripped.  The old paper, saturated with water, was piled up in a heap
in the middle of the floor.

Presently, as he was working he began to feel conscious of some other
presence in the room; he looked round.  The door was open about six
inches and in the opening appeared a long, pale face with a huge chin,
surmounted by a bowler hat and ornamented with a large red nose, a
drooping moustache and two small, glittering eyes set very close
together.  For some seconds this apparition regarded Owen intently,
then it was silently withdrawn, and he was again alone.  He had been
so surprised and startled that he had nearly dropped the lamp, and now
that the ghastly countenance was gone, Owen felt the blood surge into
his own cheeks.  He trembled with suppressed fury and longed to be
able to go out there on the landing and hurl the lamp into Hunter's

Meanwhile, on the landing outside Owen's door, Hunter stood thinking.
Someone must be got rid of to make room for the cheap man tomorrow.
He had hoped to catch somebody doing something that would have served
as an excuse for instant dismissal, but there was now no hope of that
happening.  What was to be done?  He would like to get rid of Linden,
who was now really too old to be of much use, but as the old man had
worked for Rushton on and off for many years, Hunter felt that he
could scarcely sack him off hand without some reasonable pretext.
Still, the fellow was really not worth the money  he was getting.
Sevenpence an hour was an absurdly large wage for an old man like him.
It was preposterous: he would have to go, excuse or no excuse.

Hunter crawled downstairs again.

Jack Linden was about sixty-seven years old, but like Philpot, and as
is usual with working men, he appeared older, because he had had to
work very hard all his life, frequently without proper food and
clothing.  His life had been passed in the midst of a civilization
which he had never been permitted to enjoy the benefits of.  But of
course he knew nothing about all this.  He had never expected or
wished to be allowed to enjoy such things; he had always been of
opinion that they were never intended for the likes of him.  He called
himself a Conservative and was very patriotic.

At the time when the Boer War commenced, Linden was an enthusiastic
jingo: his enthusiasm had been somewhat damped when his youngest son,
a reservist, had to go to the front, where he died of fever and
exposure.  When this soldier son went away, he left his wife and two
children, aged respectively four and five years at that time, in his
father's care.  After he died they stayed on with the old people.  The
young woman earned a little occasionally by doing needlework, but was
really dependent on her father-in-law.  Notwithstanding his poverty,
he was glad to have them in the house, because of late years his wife
had been getting very feeble, and, since the shock occasioned by the
news of the death of her son, needed someone constantly with her.

Linden was still working at the vestibule doors when the manager came
downstairs.  Misery stood watching him for some minutes without
speaking.  At last he said loudly:

`How much longer are you going to be messing about those doors?  Why
don't you get them under colour?  You were fooling about there when I
was here this morning.  Do you think it'll pay to have you playing
about there hour after hour with a bit of pumice stone?  Get the work
done!  Or if you don't want to, I'll very soon find someone else who
does!  I've been noticing your style of doing things for some time
past and I want you to understand that you can't play the fool with
me.  There's plenty of better men than you walking about.  If you
can't do more than you've been doing lately you can clear out; we can
do without you even when we're busy.'

Old Jack trembled.  He tried to answer, but was unable to speak.  If
he had been a slave and had failed to satisfy his master, the latter
might have tied him up somewhere and thrashed him.  Hunter could not
do that; he could only take his food away.  Old Jack was frightened -
it was not only HIS food that might be taken away.  At last, with a
great effort, for the words seemed to stick in his throat, he said:

`I must clean the work down, sir, before I go on painting.'

`I'm not talking about what you're doing, but the time it takes you to
do it!' shouted Hunter.  `And I don't want any back answers or argument
about it.  You must move yourself a bit quicker or leave it alone

Linden did not answer: he went on with his work, his hand trembling to
such an extent that he was scarcely able to hold the pumice stone.

Hunter shouted so loud that his voice filled all the house.  Everyone
heard and was afraid.  Who would be the next? they thought.

Finding that Linden made no further answer, Misery again began walking
about the house.

As he looked at them the men did their work in a nervous, clumsy,
hasty sort of way.  They made all sorts of mistakes and messes.
Payne, the foreman carpenter, was putting some new boards on a part of
the drawing-room floor: he was in such a state of panic that, while
driving a nail, he accidentally struck the thumb of his left hand a
severe blow with his hammer.  Bundy was also working in the drawing-
room putting some white-glazed tiles in the fireplace.  Whilst cutting
one of these in half in order to fit it into its place, he inflicted a
deep gash on one of his fingers.  He was afraid to leave off to bind
it up while Hunter was there, and consequently as he worked the white
tiles became all smeared and spattered with blood.  Easton, who was
working with Harlow on a plank, washing off the old distemper from the
hall ceiling, was so upset that he was scarcely able  to stand on the
plank, and presently the brush fell from his trembling hand with a
crash upon the floor.

Everyone was afraid.  They knew that it was impossible to get a job
for any other firm.  They knew that this man had the power to deprive
them of the means of earning a living; that he possessed the power to
deprive their children of bread.

Owen, listening to Hunter over the banisters upstairs, felt that he
would like to take him by the throat with one hand and smash his face
in with the other.

And then?

Why then he would be sent to gaol, or at the best he would lose his
employment: his food and that of his family would be taken away.  That
was why he only ground his teeth and cursed and beat the wall with his
clenched fist.  So! and so! and so!

If it were not for them!

Owen's imagination ran riot.

First he would seize him by the collar with his left hand, dig his
knuckles into his throat, force him up against the wall and then, with
his right fist, smash! smash! smash! until Hunter's face was all cut
and covered with blood.

But then, what about those at home?  Was it not braver and more manly
to endure in silence?

Owen leaned against the wall, white-faced, panting and exhausted.

Downstairs, Misery was still going to and fro in the house and walking
up and down in it.  Presently he stopped to look at Sawkins' work.
This man was painting the woodwork of the back staircase.  Although
the old paintwork here was very dirty and greasy, Misery had given
orders that it was not to be cleaned before being painted.

`Just dust it down and slobber the colour on,' he had said.
Consequently, when Crass made the paint, he had put into it an extra
large quantity of dryers.  To a certain extent this destroyed the
`body' of the colour: it did not cover well; it would require two
coats.  When Hunter perceived this he was furious.  He was sure it
could be made to do with one coat with a little care; he believed
Sawkins was doing it like this on purpose.  Really, these men seemed
to have no conscience.

Two coats! and he had estimated for only three.


`Yes, sir.'

`Come here!'

`Yes, sir.'

Crass came hurrying along.

`What's the meaning of this?  Didn't I tell you to make this do with
one coat?  Look at it!'

`It's like this, sir,' said Crass.  `If it had been washed down -'

`Washed down be damned,' shouted Hunter.  `The reason is that the
colour ain't thick enough.  Take the paint and put a little more body
in it and we'll soon see whether it can be done or not.  I can make it
cover if you can't.'

Crass took the paint, and, superintended by Hunter, made it thicker.
Misery then seized the brush and prepared to demonstrate the
possibility of finishing the work with one coat.  Crass and Sawkins
looked on in silence.

Just as Misery was about to commence he fancied he heard someone
whispering somewhere.  He laid down the brush and crawled stealthily
upstairs to see who it was.  Directly his back was turned Crass seized
a bottle of oil that was standing near and, tipping about half a pint
of it into the paint, stirred it up quickly.  Misery returned almost
immediately: he had not caught anyone; it must have been fancy.  He
took up the brush and began to paint.  The result was worse than

He messed and fooled about for some time, but could not make it come
right.  At last he gave it up.

`I suppose it'll have to have two coats after all,' he said,
mournfully.  `But it's a thousand pities.'

He almost wept.

The firm would be ruined if things went on like this.

`You'd better go on with it,' he said as he laid down the brush.

He began to walk about the house again.  He wanted to go away now, but
he did not want them to know that he was gone, so he sneaked out of
the back door, crept around the house and out of the gate, mounted his
bicycle and rode away.

No one saw him go.

For some time the only sounds that broke the silence were the noises
made by the hands as they worked.  The musical ringing of Bundy's
trowel, the noise of the carpenters' hammers and saws and the
occasional moving of a pair of steps.

No one dared to speak.

At last Philpot could stand it no longer.  He was very thirsty.

He had kept the door of his room open since Hunter arrived.

He listened intently.  He felt certain that Hunter must be gone: he
looked across the landing and could see Owen working in the front
room.  Philpot made a little ball of paper and threw it at him to
attract his attention.  Owen looked round and Philpot began to make
signals: he pointed downwards with one hand and jerked the thumb of
the other over his shoulder in the direction of the town, winking
grotesquely the while.  This Owen interpreted to be an inquiry as to
whether Hunter had departed.  He shook his head and shrugged his
shoulders to intimate that he did not know.

Philpot cautiously crossed the landing and peeped furtively over the
banisters, listening breathlessly.  `Was it gorn or not?' he wondered.

He crept along on tiptoe towards Owen's room, glancing left and right,
the trowel in his hand, and looking like a stage murderer.  `Do you
think it's gorn?' he asked in a hoarse whisper when he reached Owen's

`I don't know,' replied Owen in a low tone.

Philpot wondered.  He MUST have a drink, but it would never do for
Hunter to see him with the bottle: he must find out somehow whether he
was gone or not.

At last an idea came.  He would go downstairs to get some more cement.
Having confided this plan to Owen, he crept quietly back to the room
in which he had been working, then he walked noisily across the
landing again.

`Got a bit of stopping to spare, Frank?' he asked in a loud voice.

`No,' replied Owen.  `I'm not using it.'

`Then I suppose I'll have to go down and get some.  Is there anything
I can bring up for you?'

`No, thanks,' replied Owen.

Philpot marched boldly down to the scullery, which Crass had utilized
as a paint-shop.  Crass was there mixing some colour.

`I want a bit of stopping,' Philpot said as he helped himself to some.

`Is the b--r gorn?' whispered Crass.

`I don't know,' replied Philpot.  `Where's his bike?'

`'E always leaves it outside the gate, so's we can't see it,' replied

`Tell you what,' whispered Philpot, after a pause.  `Give the boy a
hempty bottle and let 'im go to the gate and look to the bikes there.
If Misery sees him 'e can pretend to be goin' to the shop for some

This was done.  Bert went to the gate and returned almost immediately:
the bike was gone.  As the good news spread through the house a chorus
of thanksgiving burst forth.

`Thank Gord!' said one.

`Hope the b--r falls orf and breaks 'is bloody neck,' said another.

`These Bible-thumpers are all the same; no one ever knew one to be any
good yet,' cried a third.

Directly they knew for certain that he was gone, nearly everyone left
off work for a few minutes to curse him.   Then they again went on
working and now that they were relieved of the embarrassment that
Misery's presence inspired, they made better progress.  A few of them
lit their pipes and smoked as they worked.

One of these was old Jack Linden.  He was upset by the bullying he had
received, and when he noticed some of the others smoking he thought he
would have a pipe; it might steady his nerves.  As a rule he did not
smoke when working; it was contrary to orders.

As Philpot was returning to work again he paused for a moment to
whisper to Linden, with the result that the latter accompanied him

On reaching Philpot's room the latter placed the step-ladder near the
cupboard and, taking down the bottle of beer, handed it to Linden with
the remark, `Get some of that acrost yer, matey; it'll put yer right.'

While Linden was taking a hasty drink, Joe kept watch on the landing
outside in case Hunter should suddenly and unexpectedly reappear.

When Linden was gone downstairs again, Philpot, having finished what
remained of the beer and hidden the bottle up the chimney, resumed the
work of stopping up the holes and cracks in the ceiling and walls.  He
must make a bit of a show tonight or there would be a hell of a row
when Misery came in the morning.

Owen worked on in a disheartened, sullen way.  He felt like a beaten

He was more indignant on poor old Linden's account than on his own,
and was oppressed by a sense of impotence and shameful degradation.

All his life it had been the same: incessant work under similar more
or less humiliating conditions, and with no more result than being
just able to avoid starvation.

And the future, as far as he could see, was as hopeless as the past;
darker, for there would surely come a time, if he lived long enough,
when he would be unable to work any more.

He thought of his child.  Was he to be a slave and a drudge all his
life also?

it would be better for the boy to die now.

As Owen thought of his child's future there sprung up within him a
feeling of hatred and fury against the majority of his fellow workmen.

THEY WERE THE ENEMY.  Those who not only quietly submitted like so
many cattle to the existing state of things, but defended it, and
opposed and ridiculed any suggestion to alter it.

THEY WERE THE REAL OPPRESSORS - the men who spoke of themselves as
`The likes of us,' who, having lived in poverty and degradation all
their lives considered that what had been good enough for them was
good enough for the children they had been the cause of bringing into

He hated and despised them because the calmly saw their children
condemned to hard labour and poverty for life, and deliberately
refused to make any effort to secure for them better conditions than
those they had themselves.

It was because they were indifferent to the fate of THEIR children
that he would be unable to secure a natural and human life for HIS.
It was their apathy or active opposition that made it impossible to
establish a better system of society under which those who did their
fair share of the world's work would be honoured and rewarded.
Instead of helping to do this, they abased themselves, and grovelled
before their oppressors, and compelled and taught their children to do
the same.  THEY were the people who were really responsible for the
continuance of the present system.

Owen laughed bitterly to himself.  What a very comical system it was.

Those who worked were looked upon with contempt, and subjected to
every possible indignity.  Nearly everything they produced was taken
away from them and enjoyed by the people who did nothing.  And then
the workers bowed down and grovelled before those who had robbed them
of the fruits of their labour and were childishly grateful to them for
leaving anything at all.

No wonder the rich despised them and looked upon them as dirt.  They
WERE despicable.  They WERE dirt.  They admitted it and gloried in it.

While these thoughts were seething in Owen's mind, his fellow workmen
were still patiently toiling on downstairs.  Most of them had by this
time dismissed Hunter from their thoughts.  They did not take things
so seriously as Owen.  They flattered themselves that they had more
sense than that.  It could not be altered.  Grin and bear it.  After
all, it was only for life!  Make the best of things, and get your own
back whenever you get a chance.

Presently Harlow began to sing.  He had a good voice and it was a good
song, but his mates just then did not appreciate either one of the
other.  His singing was the signal for an outburst of exclamations and

`Shut it, for Christ's sake!'

`That's enough of that bloody row!'

And so on.  Harlow stopped.

`How's the enemy?' asked Easton presently, addressing no one in

`Don't know,' replied Bundy.  `It must be about half past four.  Ask
Slyme; he's got a watch,'

It was a quarter past four.

`It gets dark very early now,' said Easton.

`Yes,' replied Bundy.  `It's been very dull all day.  I think it's
goin' to rain.   Listen to the wind.'

`I 'ope not,' replied Easton.  `That means a wet shirt goin' 'ome.'

He called out to old Jack Linden, who was still working at the front

`Is it raining, Jack?'

Old Jack, his pipe still in his mouth, turned to look at the weather.
It was raining, but Linden did not see the large drops which splashed
heavily upon the ground.  He saw only Hunter, who was standing at the
gate, watching him.  For a few seconds the two men looked at each
other in silence.  Linden was paralysed with fear.  Recovering
himself, he hastily removed his pipe, but it was too late.

Misery strode up.

`I don't pay you for smoking,' he said, loudly.  `Make out your time
sheet, take it to the office and get your money.  I've had enough of

Jack made no attempt to defend himself: he knew it was of no use.  He
silently put aside the things he had been using, went into the room
where he had left his tool-bag and coat, removed his apron and white
jacket, folded them up and put them into his tool-bag along with the
tools he had been using - a chisel-knife and a shavehook - put on his
coat, and, with the tool-bag slung over his shoulder, went away from
the house.

Without speaking to anyone else, Hunter then hastily walked over the
place, noting what progress had been made by each man during his
absence.  He then rode away, as he wanted to get to the office in time
to give Linden his money.

It was now very cold and dark within the house, and as the gas was not
yet laid on, Crass distributed a number of candles to the men, who
worked silently, each occupied with his own gloomy thoughts.  Who
would be the next?

Outside, sombre masses of lead-coloured clouds gathered ominously in
the tempestuous sky.  The gale roared loudly round the old-fashioned
house and the windows rattled discordantly.  Rain fell in torrents.

They said it meant getting wet through going home, but all the same,
Thank God it was nearly five o'clock!

Chapter 3

The Financiers

That night as Easton walked home through the rain he felt very
depressed.  It had been a very bad summer for most people and he had
not fared better than the rest.  A few weeks with one firm, a few days
with another, then out of a job, then on again for a month perhaps,
and so on.

William Easton was a man of medium height, about twenty-three years
old, with fair hair and moustache and blue eyes.  He wore a stand-up
collar with a coloured tie and his clothes, though shabby, were clean
and neat.

He was married: his wife was a young woman whose acquaintance he had
made when he happened to be employed with others painting the outside
of the house where she was a general servant.  They had `walked out'
for about fifteen months.  Easton had been in no hurry to marry, for
he knew that, taking good times with bad, his wages did no average a
pound a week.  At the end of that time, however, he found that he
could not honourably delay longer, so they were married.

That was twelve months ago.

As a single man he had never troubled much if he happened to be out of
work; he always had enough to live on and pocket money besides; but
now that he was married it was different; the fear of being `out'
haunted him all the time.

He had started for Rushton & Co. on the previous Monday after having
been idle for three weeks, and as the house where he was working had
to be done right through he had congratulated himself on having
secured a job that would last till Christmas; but he now began to fear
that what had befallen Jack Linden might also happen to himself at any
time.  He would have to be very careful not to offend Crass in any
way.  He was afraid the latter did not like him very much as it was.
Easton knew that Crass could get him the sack at any time, and would
not scruple to do so if he wanted to make room for some crony of his
own.  Crass was the `coddy' or foreman of the job.  Considered as a
workman he had no very unusual abilities; he was if anything inferior
to the majority of his fellow workmen.  But although he had but little
real ability he pretended to know everything, and the vague references
he was in the habit of making to `tones', and `shades', and `harmony',
had so impressed Hunter that the latter had a high opinion of him as a
workman.  It was by pushing himself forward in this way and by
judicious toadying to Hunter that Crass managed to get himself put in
charge of work.

Although Crass did as little work as possible himself he took care
that the others worked hard.  Any man who failed to satisfy him in
this respect he reported to Hunter as being `no good', or `too slow
for a funeral'.  The result was that this man was dispensed with at
the end of the week.  The men knew this, and most of them feared the
wily Crass accordingly, though there were a few whose known abilities
placed them to a certain extent above the reach of his malice.  Frank
Owen was one of these.

There were others who by the judicious administration of pipefuls of
tobacco and pints of beer, managed to keep in Crass's good graces and
often retained their employment when better workmen were `stood off'.

As he walked home through the rain thinking of these things, Easton
realized that it was not possible to foresee what a day or even an
hour might bring forth.

By this time he had arrived at his home; it was a small house, one of
a long row of similar ones, and it contained altogether four rooms.

The front door opened into a passage about two feet six inches wide
and ten feet in length, covered with oilcloth.  At the end of the
passage was a flight of stairs leading to the upper part of the house.
The first door on the left led into the front sitting-room, an
apartment about nine feet square, with a bay window.  This room was
very rarely used and was always very tidy and clean.  The mantelpiece
was of wood painted black and ornamented with jagged streaks of red
and yellow, which were supposed to give it the appearance of marble.
On the walls was a paper with a pale terra-cotta ground and a pattern
consisting of large white roses with chocolate coloured leaves and

There was a small iron fender with fire-irons to match, and on the
mantelshelf stood a clock in a polished wood case, a pair of blue
glass vases, and some photographs in frames.  The floor was covered
with oilcloth of a tile pattern in yellow and red.  On the walls were
two or three framed coloured prints such as are presented with
Christmas numbers of illustrated papers.  There was also a photograph
of a group of Sunday School girls with their teachers with the church
for the background.  In the centre of the room was a round deal table
about three feet six inches across, with the legs stained red to look
like mahogany.  Against one wall was an old couch covered with faded
cretonne, four chairs to match standing backs to wall in different
parts of the room.  The table was covered with a red cloth with a
yellow crewel work design in the centre and in each of the four
corners, the edges being overcast in the same material.  On the table
were a lamp and a number of brightly bound books.

Some of these things, as the couch and the chairs, Easton had bought
second-hand and had done up himself.  The table, oilcloth, fender,
hearthrug, etc, had been obtained on the hire system and were not yet
paid for.  The windows were draped with white lace curtains and in the
bay was a small bamboo table on which reposed a large Holy Bible,
cheaply but showily bound.

If anyone had ever opened this book they would have found that its
pages were as clean as the other things in the room, and on the
flyleaf might have been read the following inscription: `To dear Ruth,
from her loving friend Mrs Starvem with the prayer that God's word may
be her guide and that Jesus may be her very own Saviour.  Oct. 12.

Mrs Starvem was Ruth's former mistress, and this had been her parting
gift when Ruth left to get married.  It was supposed to be a keepsake,
but as Ruth never opened the book and never willingly allowed her
thoughts to dwell upon the scenes of which it reminded her, she had
forgotten the existence of Mrs Starvem almost as completely as that
well-to-do and pious lady had forgotten hers.

For Ruth, the memory of the time she spent in the house of `her loving
friend' was the reverse of pleasant.  It comprised a series of
recollections of petty tyrannies, insults and indignities.  Six years
of cruelly excessive work, beginning every morning two or three hours
before the rest of the household were awake and ceasing only when she
went exhausted to bed, late at night.

She had been what is called a `slavey' but if she had been really a
slave her owner would have had some regard for her health and welfare:
her `loving friend' had had none.  Mrs Starvem's only thought had been
to get out of Ruth the greatest possible amount of labour and to give
her as little as possible in return.

When Ruth looked back upon that dreadful time she saw it, as one might
say, surrounded by a halo of religion.  She never passed by a chapel
or heard the name of God, or the singing of a hymn, without thinking
of her former mistress.  To have looked into this Bible would have
reminded her of Mrs Starvem; that was one of the reasons why the book
reposed, unopened and unread, a mere ornament on the table in the bay

The second door in the passage near the foot of the stairs led into
the kitchen or living-room: from here another door led into the
scullery.  Upstairs were two bedrooms.

As Easton entered the house, his wife met him in the passage and asked
him not to make a noise as the child had just gone to sleep.  They
kissed each other and she helped him to remove his wet overcoat.  Then
they both went softly into the kitchen.

This room was about the same size as the sitting-room.  At one end was
a small range with an oven and a boiler, and a high mantelpiece
painted black.  On the mantelshelf was a small round alarm clock and
some brightly polished tin canisters.  At the other end of the room,
facing the fireplace, was a small dresser on the shelves of which were
nearly arranged a number of plates and dishes.  The walls were papered
with oak paper.  On one wall, between two coloured almanacks, hung a
tin lamp with a reflector behind the light.  In the middle of the room
was an oblong deal table with a white tablecloth upon which the tea
things were set ready.  There were four kitchen chairs, two of which
were placed close to the table.  Overhead, across the room, about
eighteen inches down from the ceiling, were stretched several cords
upon which were drying a number of linen or calico undergarments, a
coloured shirt, and Easton's white apron and jacket.  On the back of a
chair at one side of the fire more clothes were drying.  At the other
side on the floor was a wicker cradle in which a baby was sleeping.
Nearby stood a chair with a towel hung on the back, arranged so as to
shade the infant's face from the light of the lamp.  An air of homely
comfort pervaded the room; the atmosphere was warm, and the fire
blazed cheerfully over the whitened hearth.

They walked softly over and stood by the cradle side looking at the
child; as they looked the baby kept moving uneasily in its sleep.  Its
face was very flushed and its eyes were moving under the half-closed
lids.  Every now and again its lips were drawn back slightly, showing
part of the gums; presently it began to whimper, drawing up its knees
as if in pain.

`He seems to have something wrong with him,' said Easton.

`I think it's his teeth,' replied the mother.  `He's been very
restless all day and he was awake nearly all last night.'

`P'r'aps he's hungry.'

`No, it can't be that.  He had the best part of an egg this morning
and I've nursed him several times today.  And then at dinner-time he
had a whole saucer full of fried potatoes with little bits of bacon in

Again the infant whimpered and twisted in its sleep, its lips drawn
back showing the gums: its knees pressed closely to its body, the
little fists clenched, and face flushed.  Then after a few seconds it
became placid: the mouth resumed its usual shape; the limbs relaxed
and the child slumbered peacefully.

`Don't you think he's getting thin?' asked Easton.  `It may be fancy,
but he don't seem to me to be as big now as he was three months ago.'

`No, he's not quite so fat,' admitted Ruth.  `It's his teeth what's
wearing him out; he don't hardly get no rest at all with them.'

They continued looking at him a little longer.  Ruth thought he was a
very beautiful child: he would be eight months old on Sunday.  They
were sorry they could do nothing to ease his pain, but consoled
themselves with the reflection that he would be all right once those
teeth were through.

`Well, let's have some tea,' said Easton at last.

Whilst he removed his wet boots and socks and placed them in front of
the fire to dry and put on dry socks and a pair of slippers in their
stead, Ruth half filled a tin basin with hot water from the boiler and
gave it to him, and he then went to the scullery, added some cold
water and began to wash the paint off his hands.  This done he
returned to the kitchen and sat down at the table.

`I couldn't think what to give you to eat tonight,' said Ruth as she
poured out the tea.  `I hadn't got no money left and there wasn't
nothing in the house except bread and butter and that piece of cheese,
so I cut some bread and butter and put some thin slices of cheese on
it and toasted it on a place in front of the fire.  I hope you'll like
it: it was the best I could do.'

`That's all right: it smells very nice anyway, and I'm very hungry.'

As they were taking their tea Easton told his wife about Linden's
affair and his apprehensions as to what might befall himself.  They
were both very indignant, and sorry for poor old Linden, but their
sympathy for him was soon forgotten in their fears for their own
immediate future.

They remained at the table in silence for some time: then,

`How much rent do we owe now?' asked Easton.

`Four weeks, and I promised the collector the last time he called that
we'd pay two weeks next Monday.  He was quite nasty about it.'

`Well, I suppose you'll have to pay it, that's all,' said Easton.

`How much money will you have tomorrow?' asked Ruth.

He began to reckon up his time: he started on Monday and today was
Friday: five days, from seven to five, less half an hour for breakfast
and an hour for dinner, eight and a half hours a day - forty-two hours
and a half.  At sevenpence an hour that came to one pound four and
ninepence halfpenny.

`You know I only started on Monday,' he said, `so there's no back day
to come.  Tomorrow goes into next week.'

`Yes, I know,' replied Ruth.

`If we pay the two week's rent that'll leave us twelve shillings to
live on.'

`But we won't be able to keep all of that,' said Ruth, `because
there's other things to pay.'

`What other things?'

`We owe the baker eight shillings for the bread he let us have while
you were not working, and there's about twelve shillings owing for
groceries.  We'll have to pay them something on account.  Then we want
some more coal; there's only about a shovelful left, and -'

`Wait a minnit,' said Easton.  `The best way is to write out a list of
everything we owe; then we shall know exactly where we are.  You get
me a piece of paper and tell me what to write.  Then we'll see what it
all comes to.'

`Do you mean everything we owe, or everything we must pay tomorrow.'

`I think we'd better make a list of all we owe first.'

While they were talking the baby was sleeping restlessly, occasionally
uttering plaintive little cries.  The mother now went and knelt at the
side of the cradle, which she gently rocked with one hand, patting the
infant with the other.

`Except the furniture people, the biggest thing we owe is the rent,'
she said when Easton was ready to begin.

`It seems to me,' said he, as, after having cleared a space on the
table and arranged the paper, he began to sharpen his pencil with a
table-knife, `that you don't manage things as well as you might.  If
you was to make a list of just the things you MUST have before you
went out of a Saturday, you'd find the money would go much farther.
Instead of doing that you just take the money in your hand without
knowing exactly what you're going to do with it, and when you come
back it's all gone and next to nothing to show for it.'

His wife made no reply: her head was bent over the child.

`Now, let's see,' went on her husband.  `First of all there's the
rent.  How much did you say we owe?'

`Four weeks.  That's the three weeks you were out and this week.'

`Four sixes is twenty-four; that's one pound four,' said Easton as he
wrote it down.  `Next?'

`Grocer, twelve shillings.'

Easton looked up in astonishment.

`Twelve shillings.  Why, didn't you tell me only the other day that
you'd paid up all we owed for groceries?'

`Don't you remember we owed thirty-five shillings last spring?  Well,
I've been paying that bit by bit all the summer.  I paid the last of
it the week you finished your last job.  Then you were out three weeks
- up till last Friday - and as we had nothing in hand I had to get
what we wanted without paying for it.'

`But do you mean to say it cost us three shillings a week for tea and
sugar and butter?'

`It's not only them.  There's been bacon and eggs and cheese and other

The man was beginning to become impatient.

`Well,' he said, `What else?'

`We owe the baker eight shillings.  We did owe nearly a pound, but
I've been paying it off a little at a time.'

This was added to the list.

`Then there's the milkman.  I've not paid him for four weeks.  He
hasn't sent a bill yet, but you can reckon it up; we have two
penn'orth every day.'

`That's four and eight,' said Easton, writing it down.  `Anything

`One and seven to the greengrocer for potatoes, cabbage, and paraffin

`Anything else?'

`We owe the butcher two and sevenpence.'

`Why, we haven't had any meat for a long time,' said Easton.  `When
was it?'

`Three weeks ago; don't you remember?  A small leg of mutton,'

`Oh, yes,' and he added the item.

`Then there's the instalments for the furniture and oilcloth - twelve
shillings.   A letter came from them today.  And there's something

She took three letters from the pocket of her dress and handed them to

`They all came today.  I didn't show them to you before as I didn't
want to upset you before you had your tea.'

Easton drew the first letter from its envelope.

                        CORPORATION OF MUGSBOROUGH
                    General District and Special Rates
                               FINAL NOTICE


  I have to remind you that the amount due from you as under, in
  respect of the above Rates, has not been paid, and to request that
  you will forward the same within Fourteen Days from this date.  You
  are hereby informed that after this notice no further call will be
  made, or intimation given, before legal proceedings are taken to
  enforce payment.
                                       By order of the Council.
                                                          JAMES LEAH.
                                           Collector, No. 2 District.
          District Rate .......................... - 13 11
          Special Rate ...........................    10  2
                                                   1  4  1

The second communication was dated from the office of the Assistant
Overseer of the Poor.  It was also a Final Notice and was worded in
almost exactly the same way as the other, the principal difference
being that it was `By order of the Overseers' instead of `the
Council'.  It demanded the sum of 1 1 5 1/2 for Poor Rate within
fourteen days, and threatened legal proceedings in default.

Easton laid this down and began to read the third letter -

                           J. DIDLUM & CO LTD.
                        Complete House Furnishers
                       QUALITY STREET, MUGSBOROUGH


  We have to remind you that three monthly payments of four shillings
  each (12/- in all) became due on the first of this month, and we
  must request you to let us have this amount BY RETURN OF POST.

  Under the terms of your agreement you guaranteed that the money
  should be paid on the Saturday of every fourth week.  To prevent
  unpleasantness, we must request you for the future to forward the
  full amount punctually upon that day.

                                              Yours truly,
                                           J. DIDLUM & CO. LTD

He read these communications several times in silence and finally with
an oath threw them down on the table.

`How much do we still owe for the oilcloth and the furniture?' he

`I don't know exactly.  It was seven pound odd, and we've had the
things about six months.  We paid one pound down and three or four
instalments.  I'll get the card if you like.'

`No; never mind.  Say we've paid one pound twelve; so we still owe
about six pound.'

He added this amount to the list.

`I think it's a great pity we ever had the things at all,' he said,
peevishly.  `It would have been better to have gone without until we
could pay cash for them: but you would have your way, of course.  Now
we'll have this bloody debt dragging on us for years, and before the
dam stuff is paid for it'll be worn out.'

The woman did not reply at once.  She was bending down over the cradle
arranging the coverings which the restless movements of the child had
disordered.  She was crying silently, unnoticed by her husband.

For months past - in fact ever since the child was born - she had been
existing without sufficient food.  If Easton was unemployed they had
to stint themselves so as to avoid getting further into debt than was
absolutely necessary.  When he was working they had to go short in
order to pay what they owed; but of what there was Easton himself,
without knowing it, always had the greater share.  If he was at work
she would pack into his dinner basket overnight the best there was in
the house.  When he was out of work she often pretended, as she gave
him his meals, that she had had hers while he was out.  And all the
time the baby was draining her life away and her work was never done.

She felt very weak and weary as she crouched there, crying furtively
and trying not to let him see.

At last she said, without looking round:

`You know quite well that you were just as much in favour of getting
them as I was.  If we hadn't got the oilcloth there would have been
illness in the house because of the way the wind used to come up
between the floorboards.  Even now of a windy day the oilcloth moves
up and down.'

`Well, I'm sure I don't know,' said Easton, as he looked alternatively
at the list of debts and the three letters.  `I give you nearly every
farthing I earn and I never interfere about anything, because I think
it's your part to attend to the house, but it seems to me you don't
manage things properly.'

The woman suddenly burst into a passion of weeping, laying her head on
the seat of the chair that was standing near the cradle.

Easton started up in surprise.

`Why, what's the matter?' he said.

Then as he looked down upon the quivering form of the sobbing woman,
he was ashamed.  He knelt down by her, embracing her and apologizing,
protesting that he had not meant to hurt her like that.

`I always do the best I can with the money,' Ruth sobbed.  `I never
spend a farthing on myself, but you don't seem to understand how hard
it is.  I don't care nothing about having to go without things myself,
but I can't bear it when you speak to me like you do lately.  You seem
to blame me for everything.  You usen't to speak to me like that
before I - before - Oh, I am so tired - I am so tired, I wish I could
lie down somewhere and sleep and never wake up any more.'

She turned away from him, half kneeling, half sitting on the floor,
her arms folded on the seat of the chair, and her head resting upon
them.  She was crying in a heartbroken helpless way.

`I'm sorry I spoke to you like that,' said Easton, awkwardly.  `I
didn't mean what I said.  It's all my fault.  I leave things too much
to you, and it's more than you can be expected to manage.  I'll help
you to think things out in future; only forgive me, I'm very sorry.  I
know you try your best.'

She suffered him to draw her to him, laying her head on his shoulder
as he kissed and fondled her, protesting that he would rather be poor
and hungry with her than share riches with anyone else.

The child in the cradle - who had been twisting and turning restlessly
all this time - now began to cry loudly.  The mother took it from the
cradle and began to hush and soothe it, walking about the room and
rocking it in her arms.  The child, however, continued to scream, so
she sat down to nurse it: for a little while the infant refused to
drink, struggling and kicking in its mother's arms, then for a few
minutes it was quite, taking the milk in a half-hearted, fretful way.
Then it began to scream and twist and struggle.

They both looked at it in a helpless manner.  Whatever could be the
matter with it?  It must be those teeth.

Then suddenly as they were soothing and patting him, the child vomited
all over its own and its mother's clothing a mass of undigested food.
Mingled with the curdled milk were fragments of egg, little bits of
bacon, bread and particles of potato.

Having rid his stomach of this unnatural burden, the unfortunate baby
began to cry afresh, his face very pale, his lips colourless, and his
eyes red-rimmed and running with water.

Easton walked about with him while Ruth cleaned up the mess and got
ready some fresh clothing.  They both agreed that it was the coming
teeth that had upset the poor child's digestion.  It would be a good
job when they were through.

This work finished, Easton, who was still convinced in his own mind
that with the aid of a little common sense and judicious management
their affairs might be arranged more satisfactorily, said:

`We may as well make a list of all the things we must pay and buy
tomorrow.  The great thing is to think out exactly what you are going
to do before you spend anything; that saves you from getting things
you don't really need and prevents you forgetting the things you MUST
have.  Now, first of all, the rent; two weeks, twelve shillings.'

He took a fresh piece of paper and wrote this item down.

`What else is there that we must pay or buy tomorrow?'

`Well, you know I promised the baker and the grocer that I would begin
to pay them directly you got a job, and if I don't keep my word they
won't let us have anything another time, so you'd better put down two
shillings each for them.

`I've got that,' said Easton.

`Two and seven for the butcher.  We must pay that.  I'm ashamed to
pass the shop, because when I got the meat I promised to pay him the
next week, and it's nearly three weeks ago now.'

`I've put that down.  What else?'

`A hundred of coal: one and six.'


`The instalment for the furniture and floor-cloth, twelve shillings.'


`We owe the milkman four weeks; we'd better pay one week on account;
that's one and two.'


`The greengrocer; one shilling on account.'

`Anything else?'

`We shall want a piece of meat of some kind; we've had none for nearly
three weeks.  You'd better say one and six for that.'

`That's down.'

`One and nine for bread; that's one loaf a day.'

`But I've got two shillings down for bread already,' said Easton.

`Yes, I know, dear, but that's to go towards paying off what we owe,
and what you have down for the grocer and milkman's the same.'

`Well, go on, for Christ's sake, and let's get it down,' said Easton,

`We can't say less than three shillings for groceries.'

Easton looked carefully at his list.  This time he felt sure that the
item was already down; but finding he was mistaken he said nothing and
added the amount.

`Well, I've got that.  What else?'

`Milk, one and two.'


`Vegetables, eightpence.'


`Paraffin oil and firewood, sixpence.'

Again the financier scrutinized the list.  He was positive that it was
down already.  However, he could not find it, so the sixpence was
added to the column of figures.

`Then there's your boots; you can't go about with them old things in
this weather much longer, and they won't stand mending again.  You
remember the old man said they were not worth it when you had that
patch put on a few weeks ago.'

`Yes.  I was thinking of buying a new pair tomorrow.  My socks was wet
through tonight.  If it's raining some morning when I'm going out and
I have to work all day with wet feet I shall be laid up.'

`At that second-hand shop down in High Street I saw when I was out
this afternoon a very good pair just your size, for two shillings.'

Easton did not reply at once.  He did not much fancy wearing the
cast-off boots of some stranger, who for all he knew might have
suffered from some disease, but then remembering that his old ones
were literally falling off his feet he realized that he had
practically no choice.

`If you're quite sure they'll fit you'd better get them.  It's better
to do that than for me to catch cold and be laid up for God knows how

So the two shillings were added to the list.

`Is there anything else?'

`How much does it all come to now?' asked Ruth.

Easton added it all up.  When he had finished he remained staring at
the figures in consternation for a long time without speaking.

`Jesus Christ!' he ejaculated at last.

`What's it come to?' asked Ruth.

`Forty-four and tenpence.'

`I knew we wouldn't have enough,' said Ruth, wearily.  `Now if you
think I manage so badly, p'raps you can tell me which of these things
we ought to leave out.'

`We'd be all right if it wasn't for the debts,' said Easton, doggedly.

`When you're not working, we must either get into debt or starve.'

Easton made no answer.

`What'll we do about the rates?' asked Ruth.

`I'm sure I don't know: there's nothing left to pawn except my black
coat and vest.  You might get something on that.'

`It'll have to be paid somehow,' said Ruth, `or you'll be taken off to
jail for a month, the same as Mrs Newman's husband was last winter.'

`Well, you'd better take the coat and vest and see what you can get on
'em tomorrow.'

`Yes,' said Ruth; `and there's that brown silk dress of mine - you
know, the one I wore when we was married - I might get something on
that, because we won't get enough on the coat and vest.  I don't like
parting with the dress, although I never wear it; but we'll be sure to
be able to get it out again, won't we?'

`Of course,' said Easton.

They remained silent for some time, Easton staring at the list of
debts and the letters.  She was wondering if he still thought she
managed badly, and what he would do about it.  She knew she had always
done her best.  At last she said, wistfully, trying to speak plainly
for there seemed to be a lump in her throat: `And what about tomorrow?
Would you like to spend the money yourself, or shall I manage as I've
done before, or will you tell me what to do?'

`I don't know, dear,' said Easton, sheepishly.  `I think you'd better
do as you think best.'

`Oh, I'll manage all right, dear, you'll see,' replied Ruth, who
seemed to think it a sort of honour to be allowed to starve herself
and wear shabby clothes.

The baby, who had been for some time quietly sitting upon his mother's
lap, looking wonderingly at the fire - his teeth appeared to trouble
him less since he got rid of the eggs and bacon and potatoes - now
began to nod and doze, which Easton perceiving, suggested that the
infant should not be allowed to go to sleep with an empty stomach,
because it would probably wake up hungry in the middle of the night.
He therefore work him up as much as possible and mashed a little of
the bread and toasted cheese with a little warm milk.  Then taking the
baby from Ruth he began to try to induce it to eat.  As soon, however,
as the child understood his object, it began to scream at the top of
its voice, closing its lips firmly and turning its head rapidly from
side to side every time the spoon approached its mouth.  It made such
a dreadful noise that Easton at last gave in.  He began to walk about
the room with it, and presently the child sobbed itself to sleep.
After putting the baby into its cradle Ruth set about preparing
Easton's breakfast and packing it into his basket.  This did not take
very long, there being only bread and butter - or, to be more correct,

Then she poured what tea was left in the tea-pot into a small saucepan
and placed it on the top of the oven, but away from the fire, cut two
more slices of bread and spread on them all the margarine that was
left; then put them on a plate on the table, covering them with a
saucer to prevent them getting hard and dry during the night.  Near
the plate she placed a clean cup and saucer and the milk and sugar.

In the morning Easton would light the fire and warm up the tea in
the saucepan so as to have a cup of tea before going out.  If Ruth was
awake and he was not pressed for time, he generally took a cup of tea
to her in bed.

Nothing now remained to be done but to put some coal and wood ready in
the fender so that there would be no unnecessary delay in the morning.

The baby was still sleeping and Ruth did not like to wake him up yet
to dress him for the night.  Easton was sitting by the fire smoking,
so everything being done, Ruth sat down at the table and began sewing.
Presently she spoke:

`I wish you'd let me try to let that back room upstairs: the woman
next door has got hers let unfurnished to an elderly woman and her
husband for two shillings a week.  If we could get someone like that
it would be better than having an empty room in the house.'

`And we'd always have them messing about down here, cooking and
washing and one thing and another,' objected Easton; `they'd be more
trouble than they way worth.'

`Well, we might try and furnish it.  There's Mrs Crass across the road
has got two lodgers in one room.  They pay her twelve shillings a week
each; board, lodging and washing.  That's one pound four she has
coming in reglar every week.  If we could do the same we'd very soon
be out of debt.'

`What's the good of talking?  You'd never be able to do the work even
if we had the furniture.'

`Oh, the work's nothing,' replied Ruth, `and as for the furniture,
we've got plenty of spare bedclothes, and we could easily manage
without a washstand in our room for a bit, so the only thing we really
want is a small bedstead and mattress; we could get them very cheap

`There ought to be a chest of drawers,' said Easton doubtfully.

`I don't think so,' replied Ruth.  `There's a cupboard in the room and
whoever took it would be sure to have a box.'

`Well, if you think you can do the work I've no objection,' said
Easton.  `It'll be a nuisance having a stranger in the way all the
time, but I suppose we must do something of the sort or else we'll
have to give up the house and take a couple of rooms somewhere.  That
would be worse than having lodgers ourselves.

`Let's go and have a look at the room,' he added, getting up and
taking the lamp from the wall.

They had to go up two flights of stairs before arriving at the top
landing, where there were two doors, one leading into the front room -
their bedroom - and the other into the empty back room.  These two
doors were at right angles to each other.  The wallpaper in the back
room was damaged and soiled in several places.

`There's nearly a whole roll of this paper on the top of the
cupboard,' said Ruth.  `You could easily mend all those places.  We
could hag up a few almanacks on the walls; our washstand could go
there by the window; a chair just there, and the bed along that wall
behind the door.  It's only a small window, so I could easily manage
to make a curtain out of something.  I'm sure I could make the room
look quite nice without spending hardly anything.'

Easton reached down the roll of paper.  It was the same pattern as
that on the wall.  The latter was a good deal faded, of course, but it
would not matter much if the patches showed a little.  They returned
to the kitchen.

`Do you think you know anyone who would take it?' asked Ruth.  Easton
smoked thoughtfully.

`No,' he said at length.  `But I'll mention it to one or two of the
chaps on the job; they might know of someone.'

`And I'll get Mrs Crass to ask her lodgers: p'raps they might have a
friend what would like to live near them.'

So it was settled; and as the fire was nearly out and it was getting
late, they prepared to retire for the night.  The baby was still
sleeping so Easton lifted it, cradle and all, and carried it up the
narrow staircase into the front bedroom, Ruth leading the way,
carrying the lamp and some clothes for the child.  So that the infant
might be within easy reach of its mother during the night, two chairs
were arranged close to her side of the bed and the cradle placed on

`Now we've forgot the clock,' said Easton, pausing.  He was half
undressed and had already removed his slippers.

`I'll slip down and get it,' said Ruth.

`Never mind, I'll go,' said Easton, beginning to put his slippers on

`No, you get into bed.  I've not started undressing yet.  I'll get
it,' replied Ruth who was already on her way down.

`I don't know as it was worth the trouble of going down,' said Ruth
when she returned with the clock.  `It stopped three or four times

`Well, I hope it don't stop in the night,' Easton said.  `It would be
a bit of all right not knowing what time it was in the morning.  I
suppose the next thing will be that we'll have to buy a new clock.'

He woke several times during the night and struck a match to see if it
was yet time to get up.  At half past two the clock was still going
and he again fell asleep.  The next time he work up the ticking had
ceased.  He wondered what time it was?  It was still very dark, but
that was nothing to go by, because it was always dark at six now.  He
was wide awake: it must be nearly time to get up.  It would never do
to be late; he might get the sack.

He got up and dressed himself.  Ruth was asleep, so he crept quietly
downstairs, lit the fire and heated the tea.  When it was ready he
went softly upstairs again.  Ruth was still sleeping, so he decided
not to disturb her.  Returning to the kitchen, he poured out and drank
a cup of tea, put on his boots, overcoat and hat and taking his basket
went out of the house.

The rain was still falling and it was very cold and dark.  There was
no one else in the street.  Easton shivered as he walked along
wondering what time it could be.  He remembered there was a clock over
the front of a jeweller's shop a little way down the main road.  When
he arrived at this place he found that the clock being so high up he
could not see the figures on the face distinctly, because it was still
very dark.  He stood staring for a few minutes vainly trying to see
what time it was when suddenly the light of a bull's-eye lantern was
flashed into his eyes.

`You're about very early,' said a voice, the owner of which Easton
could not see.  The light blinded him.

`What time is it?' said Easton.  `I've got to get to work at seven and
our clock stopped during the night.'

`Where are you working?'

`At "The Cave" in Elmore Road.  You know, near the old toll gate.'

`What are you doing there and who are you working for?' the policeman

Easton explained.

`Well,' said the constable, `it's very strange that you should be
wandering about at this hour.  It's only about three-quarters of an
hour's walk from here to Elmore Road.  You say you've got to get there
at seven, and it's only a quarter to four now.  Where do you live?
What's your name?'  Easton gave his name and address and began
repeating the story about the clock having stopped.

`What you say may be all right or it may not,' interrupted the
policeman.  `I'm not sure but that I ought to take you to the station.
All I know about you is that I find you loitering outside this shop.
What have you got in that basket?'

`Only my breakfast,' Easton said, opening the basket and displaying
its contents.

`I'm inclined to believe what you say,' said the policeman, after a
pause.  `But to make quite sure I'll go home with you.  It's on my
beat, and I don't want to run you in if you're what you say you are,
but I should advise you to buy a decent clock, or you'll be getting
yourself into trouble.'

When they arrived at the house Easton opened the door, and after
making some entries in his note-book the officer went away, much to
the relief of Easton, who went upstairs, set the hands of the clock
right and started it going again.  He then removed his overcoat and
lay down on the bed in his clothes, covering himself with the quilt.
After a while he fell asleep, and when he awoke the clock was still

The time was exactly seven o'clock.

Chapter 4

The Placard

Frank Owen was the son of a journeyman carpenter who had died of
consumption when the boy was only five years old.  After that his
mother earned a scanty living as a needle-woman.  When Frank was
thirteen he went to work for a master decorator who was a man of a
type that has now almost disappeared, being not merely an employer but
a craftsman of a high order.

He was an old man when Frank Owen went to work for him.  At one time
he had had a good business in the town, and used to boast that he had
always done good work, had found pleasure in doing it and had been
well paid for it.  But of late years the number of his customers had
dwindled considerably, for there had arisen a new generation which
cared nothing about craftsmanship or art, and everything for cheapness
and profit.  From this man and by laborious study and practice in his
spare time, aided by a certain measure of natural ability, the boy
acquired a knowledge of decorative painting and design, and graining
and signwriting.

Frank's mother died when he was twenty-four, and a year afterwards he
married the daughter of a fellow workman.  In those days trade was
fairly good and although there was not much demand for the more
artistic kinds of work, still the fact that he was capable of doing
them, if required, made it comparatively easy for him to obtain
employment.  Owen and his wife were very happy.  They had one child -
a boy - and for some years all went well.  But gradually this state of
things altered: broadly speaking, the change came slowly and
imperceptibly, although there were occasional sudden fluctuations.

Even in summer he could not always find work: and in winter it was
almost impossible to get a job of any sort.  At last, about twelve
months before the date that this story opens, he determined to leave
his wife and child at home and go to try his fortune in London.  When
he got employment he would send for them.

It was a vain hope.  He found London, if anything, worse than his
native town.  Wherever he went he was confronted with the legend: `No
hands wanted'.  He walked the streets day after day; pawned or sold
all his clothes save those he stood in, and stayed in London for six
months, sometimes starving and only occasionally obtaining a few days
or weeks work.

At the end of that time he was forced to give in.  The privations he
had endured, the strain on his mind and the foul atmosphere of the
city combined to defeat him.  Symptoms of the disease that had killed
his father began to manifest themselves, and yielding to the repeated
entreaties of his wife he returned to his native town, the shadow of
his former self.

That was six months ago, and since then he had worked for Rushton & Co.
Occasionally when they had no work in hand, he was `stood off' until
something came in.

Ever since his return from London, Owen had been gradually abandoning
himself to hopelessness.  Every day he felt that the disease he
suffered from was obtaining a stronger grip on him.  The doctor told
him to `take plenty of nourishing food', and prescribed costly
medicines which Owen had not the money to buy.

Then there was his wife.  Naturally delicate, she needed many things
that he was unable to procure for her.  And the boy - what hope was
there for him?  Often as Owen moodily thought of their circumstances
and prospects he told himself that it would be far better if they
could all three die now, together.

He was tired of suffering himself, tired of impotently watching the
sufferings of his wife, and appalled at the thought of what was in
store for the child.

Of this nature were his reflections as he walked homewards on the
evening of the day when old Linden was dismissed.  There was no reason
to believe or hope that the existing state of things would be altered
for a long time to come.

Thousands of people like himself dragged out a wretched existence on
the very verge of starvation, and for the greater number of people
life was one long struggle against poverty.  Yet practically none of
these people knew or even troubled themselves to inquire why they were
in that condition; and for anyone else to try to explain to them was a
ridiculous waste of time, for they did not want to know.

The remedy was so simple, the evil so great and so glaringly evident
that the only possible explanation of its continued existence was that
the majority of his fellow workers were devoid of the power of
reasoning.  If these people were not mentally deficient they would of
their own accord have swept this silly system away long ago.  It would
not have been necessary for anyone to teach them that it was wrong.

Why, even those who were successful or wealthy could not be sure that
they would not eventually die of want.  In every workhouse might be
found people who had at one time occupied good positions; and their
downfall was not in every case their own fault.

No matter how prosperous a man might be, he could not be certain that
his children would never want for bread.  There were thousands living
in misery on starvation wages whose parents had been wealthy people.

As Owen strode rapidly along, his mind filled with these thoughts, he
was almost unconscious of the fact that he was wet through to the
skin.  He was without an overcoat, it was pawned in London, and he had
not yet been able to redeem it.  His boots were leaky and sodden with
mud and rain.

He was nearly home now.  At the corner of the street in which he lived
there was a newsagent's shop and on a board outside the door was
displayed a placard:

                       TERRIBLE DOMESTIC TRAGEDY
                       DOUBLE MURDER AND SUICIDE

He went in to buy a copy of the paper.  He was a frequent customer
here, and as he entered the shopkeeper greeted him by name.

`Dreadful weather,' he remarked as he handed Owen the paper.  `It
makes things pretty bad in your line, I suppose?'

`Yes,' responded Owen, `there's a lot of men idle, but fortunately I
happen to be working inside.'

`You're one of the lucky ones, then,' said the other.  `You know,
there'll be a job here for some of 'em as soon as the weather gets a
little better.  All the outside of this block is going to be done up.
That's a pretty big job, isn't it?'

`Yes,' returned Owen.  `Who's going to do it?'

`Makehaste and Sloggit.  You know, they've got a place over at

`Yes, I know the firm,' said Owen, grimly.  He had worked for them
once or twice himself.

`The foreman was in here today,' the shopkeeper went on.  `He said
they're going to make a start Monday morning if it's fine.'

`Well, I hope it will be,' said Owen, `because things are very quiet
just now.'

Wishing the other `Good nigh', Owen again proceeded homewards.

Half-way down the street he paused irresolutely: he was thinking of
the news he had just heard and of Jack Linden.

As soon as it became generally known that this work was about to be
started there was sure to be a rush for it, and it would be a case of
first come, first served.  If he saw Jack tonight the old man might be
in time to secure a job.

Owen hesitated: he was wet through: it was a long way to Linden's
place, nearly twenty minutes' walk.  Still, he would like to let him
know, because unless he was one of the first to apply, Linden would
not stand such a good chance as a younger man.  Owen said to himself
that if he walked very fast there was not much risk of catching cold.
Standing about in wet clothes might be dangerous, but so long as one
kept moving it was all right.

He turned back and set off in the direction of Linden's house:
although he was but a few yards from his own home, he decided not to
go in because his wife would be sure to try to persuade him not to go
out again.

As he hurried along he presently noticed a small dark object on the
doorstep of an untenanted house.  He stopped to examine it more
closely and perceived that it was a small black kitten.  The tiny
creature came towards him and began walking about his feet, looking
into his face and crying piteously.  He stooped down and stroked it,
shuddering as his hands came in contact with its emaciated body.  Its
fur was saturated with rain and every joint of its backbone was
distinctly perceptible to the touch.  As he caressed it, the starving
creature mewed pathetically.

Owen decided to take it home to the boy, and as he picked it up and
put it inside his coat the little outcast began to purr.

This incident served to turn his thoughts into another channel.   If,
as so many people pretended to believe, there was an infinitely loving
God, how was it that this helpless creature that He had made was
condemned to suffer?  It had never done any harm, and was in no sense
responsible for the fact that it existed.  Was God unaware of the
miseries of His creatures?  If so, then He was not all-knowing.  Was
God aware of their sufferings, but unable to help them?  Then He was
not all-powerful.  Had He the power but not the will to make His
creatures happy?  Then He was not good.  No; it was impossible to
believe in the existence of an individual, infinite God..  In fact, no
one did so believe; and least of all those who pretended for various
reasons to be the disciples and followers of Christ.  The anti-Christs
who went about singing hymns, making long prayers and crying Lord,
Lord, but never doing the things which He said, who were known by
their words to be unbelievers and infidels, unfaithful to the Master
they pretended to serve, their lives being passed in deliberate and
systematic disregard of His teachings and Commandments.  It was not
necessary to call in the evidence of science, or to refer to the
supposed inconsistencies, impossibilities, contradictions and
absurdities contained in the Bible, in order to prove there was no
truth in the Christian religion.  All that was necessary was to look
at the conduct of the individuals who were its votaries.

Chapter 5

The Clock-case

Jack Linden lived in a small cottage in Windley.  He had occupied this
house ever since his marriage, over thirty years ago.

His home and garden were his hobby: he was always doing something;
painting, whitewashing, papering and so forth.  The result was that
although the house itself was not of much account he had managed to
get it into very good order, and as a result it was very clean and

Another result of his industry was that - seeing the improved
appearance of the place - the landlord had on two occasions raised the
rent.  When Linden first took the house the rent was six shillings a
week.  Five years after, it was raised to seven shillings, and after
the lapse of another five years it had been increased to eight

During the thirty years of his tenancy he had paid altogether nearly
six hundred pounds in rent, more than double the amount of the present
value of the house.  Jack did not complain of this - in fact he was
very well satisfied.  He often said that Mr Sweater was a very good
landlord, because on several occasions when, being out of work, he had
been a few weeks behind with his rent the agent acting for the
benevolent Mr Sweater had allowed Linden to pay off the arrears by
instalments.  As old Jack was in the habit of remarking, many a
landlord would have sold up their furniture and turned them into the

As the reader is already aware, Linden's household consisted of his
wife, his two grandchildren and his daughter-in-law, the window and
children of his youngest son, a reservist, who died while serving in
the South African War.  This man had been a plasterer, and just before
the war he was working for Rushton & Co.

They had just finished their tea when Owen knocked at their front
door.  The young woman went to see who was there.

`Is Mr Linden in?'

`Yes.  Who is it?'

`My name's Owen.'

Old Jack, however, had already recognized Owen's voice, and came to
the door, wondering what he wanted.

`As I was going home I heard that Makehaste and Sloggit are going to
start a large job on Monday, so I thought I'd run over and let you

`Are they?' said Linden.  `I'll go and see them in the morning.  But
I'm afraid I won't stand much chance, because a lot of their regular
hands are waiting for a job; but I'll go and see 'em all the same.'

`Well, you know, it's a big job.  All the outside of that block at the
corner of Kerk Street and Lord Street.  They're almost sure to want a
few extra hands.'

`Yes, there's something in that,' said Linden.  `Anyhow, I'm much
obliged to you for letting me know; but come in out of the rain.  You
must be wet through.'

`No; I won't stay,' responded Owen.  `I don't want to stand about any
longer than I can help in these wet clothes.'

`But it won't take you a minit to drink a cup of tea,' Linden
insisted.  `I won't ask you to stop longer than that.'

Owen entered; the old man closed the door and led the way into the
kitchen.  At one side of the fire, Linden's wife, a frail-looking old
lady with white hair, was seated in a large armchair, knitting.
Linden sat down in a similar chair on the other side.  The two
grandchildren, a boy and girl about seven and eight years,
respectively, were still seated at the table.

Standing by the side of the dresser at one end of the room was a
treadle sewing machine, and on one end of the dresser was a a pile of
sewing: ladies' blouses in process of making.  This was another
instance of the goodness of Mr Sweater, from whom Linden's
daughter-in-law obtained the work.  It was not much, because she was
only able to do it in her spare time, but then, as she often remarked,
every little helped.

The floor was covered with linoleum: there were a number of framed
pictures on the walls, and on the high mantelshelf were a number of
brightly polished tins and copper utensils.  The room had that
indescribably homelike, cosy air that is found only in those houses in
which the inhabitants have dwelt for a very long time.

The younger woman was already pouring out a cup of tea.

Old Mrs Linden, who had never seen Owen before, although she had heard
of him, belonged to the Church of England and was intensely religious.
She looked curiously at the Atheist as he entered the room.  He had
taken off his hat and she was surprised to find that he was not
repulsive to look at, rather the contrary.  But then she remembered
that Satan often appears as an angel of light.  Appearances are
deceitful.  She wished that John had not asked him into the house and
hoped that no evil consequences would follow.  As she looked at him,
she was horrified to perceive a small black head with a pair of
glistening green eyes peeping out of the breast of his coat, and
immediately afterwards the kitten, catching sight of the cups and
saucers on the table, began to mew frantically and scrambled suddenly
out of its shelter, inflicting a severe scratch on Owen's restraining
hands as it jumped to the floor.

It clambered up the tablecloth and began rushing all over the table,
darting madly from one plate to another, seeking something to eat.

The children screamed with delight.  Their grandmother was filled with
a feeling of superstitious alarm.  Linden and the young woman stood
staring with astonishment at the unexpected visitor.

Before the kitten had time to do any damage, Owen caught hold of it
and, despite its struggles, lifted it off the table.

`I found it in the street as I was coming along,' he said.  `It seems
to be starving.'

`Poor little thing.  I'll give it something.' exclaimed the young

She put some milk and bread into a saucer for it and the kitten ate
ravenously, almost upsetting the saucer in its eagerness, much to the
amusement of the two children, who stood by watching it admiringly.

Their mother now handed Owen a cup of tea.  Linden insisted on his
sitting down and then began to talk about Hunter.

`You know I HAD to spend some time on them doors to make 'em look
anything at all; but it wasn't the time I took, or even the smoking
what made 'im go on like that.  He knows very well the time it takes.
The real reason is that he thinks I was gettin' too much money.  Work
is done so rough nowadays that chaps like Sawkins is good enough for
most of it.  Hunter shoved me off just because I was getting the top
money, and you'll see I won't be the only one.'

`I'm afraid you're right,' returned Owen.  `Did you see Rushton when
you went for your money?'

`Yes,' replied Linden.  `I hurried up as fast as I could, but Hunter
was there first.  He passed me on his bike before I got half-way, so I
suppose he told his tale before I came.  Anyway, when I started to
speak to Mr Rushton he wouldn't listen.  Said he couldn't interfere
between Mr Hunter and the men.#

`Ah!  They're a bad lot, them two,' said the old woman, shaking her
head sagely.  `But it'll all come 'ome to 'em, you'll see.  They'll
never prosper.  The Lord will punish them.'

Owen did not feel very confident of that.  Most of the people he knew
who had prospered were very similar in character to the two worthies
in question.  However, he did not want to argue with this poor old

`When Tom was called up to go to the war,' said the young woman,
bitterly, 'Mr Rushton shook hands with him and promised to give him a
job when he came back.  But now that poor Tom's gone and they know
that me and the children's got no one to look to but Father, they do

Although at the mention of her dead son's name old Mrs Linden was
evidently distressed, she was still mindful of the Atheist's
presence, and hastened to rebuke her daughter-in-law.

`You shouldn't say we've got no one to look to, Mary,' she said.
`We're not as them who are without God and without hope in the world.
The Lord is our shepherd.  He careth for the widow and the

Owen was very doubtful about this also.  He had seen so many badly
cared-for children about the streets lately, and what he remembered of
his own sorrowful childhood was all evidence to the contrary.

An awkward silence succeeded.  Owen did not wish to continue this
conversation: he was afraid that he might say something that would
hurt the old woman.  Besides, he was anxious to get away; he began to
feel cold in his wet clothes.

As he put his empty cup on the table he said:

`Well, I must be going.  They'll be thinking I'm lost, at home.'

The kitten had finished all the bread and milk and was gravely washing
its face with one of its forepaws, to the great admiration of the two
children, who were sitting on the floor beside it.  It was an
artful-looking kitten, all black, with a very large head and a very
small body.  It reminded Owen of a tadpole.

`Do you like cats?' he asked, addressing the children.

`Yes,' said the boy.  `Give it to us, will you, mister?'

`Oh, do leave it 'ere, mister,' exclaimed the little girl.  `I'll look
after it.'

`So will I,' said the boy .

`But haven't you one of your own?' asked Owen.

`Yes; we've got a big one.'

`Well, if you have one already and I give you this, then you'd have
two cats, and I'd have none.  That wouldn't be fair, would it?'

`Well, you can 'ave a lend of our cat for a little while if you give
us this kitten,' said the boy, after a moment's thought.

`Why would you rather have the kitten?'

`Because it would play: our cat don't want to play, it's too old.'

`Perhaps you're too rough with it,' returned Owen.

`No, it ain't that; it's just because it's old.'

`You know cats is just the same as people,' explained the little girl,
wisely.  `When they're grown up I suppose they've got their troubles
to think about.'

Owen wondered how long it would be before her troubles commenced.  As
he gazed at these two little orphans he thought of his own child, and
of the rough and thorny way they would all three have to travel if
they were so unfortunate as to outlive their childhood.

`Can we 'ave it, mister?' repeated the boy.

Owen would have liked to grant the children's request, but he wanted
the kitten himself.  Therefore he was relieved when their grandmother

`We don't want no more cats 'ere: we've got one already; that's quite

She was not yet quite satisfied in her mind that the creature was not
an incarnation of the Devil, but whether it was or not she did not
want it, or anything else of Owen's, in this house.  She wished he
would go, and take his kitten or his familiar or whatever it was, with
him. No good could come of his being there.  Was it not written in the
Word: `If any man love not the Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema
Maran-atha.'  She did not know exactly what Anathema Maran-atha meant,
but there could be no doubt that it was something very unpleasant.  It
was a terrible thing that this blasphemer who - as she had heard - did
not believe there was a Hell and said that the Bible was not the Word
of God, should be here in the house sitting on one of their chairs,
drinking from one of their cups, and talking to their children.

The children stood by wistfully when Owen put the kitten under his
coat and rose to go away.

As Linden prepared to accompany him to the front door, Owen, happening
to notice a timepiece standing on a small table in the recess at one
side of the fireplace, exclaimed:

`That's a very nice clock.'

`Yes, it's all right, ain't it?' said old Jack, with a touch of pride.
`Poor Tom made that: not the clock itself, but just the case.'

It was the case that had attracted Owen's attention.  It stood about
two feet high and was made of fretwork in the form of an Indian
mosque, with a pointed dome and pinnacles.  It was a very beautiful
thing and must have cost many hours of patient labour.

`Yes,' said the old woman, in a trembling, broken voice, and looking
at Owen with a pathetic expression.  `Months and months he worked at
it, and no one ever guessed who it were for.  And then, when my
birthday came round, the very first thing I saw when I woke up in the
morning were the clock standing on a chair by the bed with a card:

           'To dear mother, from her loving son, Tom.
               Wishing her many happy birthdays.'

`But he never had another birthday himself, because just five months
afterwards he were sent out to Africa, and he'd only been there five
weeks when he died.  Five years ago, come the fifteenth of next

Owen, inwardly regretting that he had unintentionally broached so
painful a subject, tried to think of some suitable reply, but had to
content himself with murmuring some words of admiration of the work.

As he wished her good night, the old woman, looking at him, could not
help observing that he appeared very frail and ill: his face was very
thin and pale, and his eyes were unnaturally bright.

Possibly the Lord in His infinite loving kindness and mercy was
chastening this unhappy castaway in order that He might bring him to
Himself.  After all, he was not altogether bad: it was certainly very
thoughtful of him to come all this way to let John know about that
job.  She observed that he had no overcoat, and the storm was still
raging fiercely outside, furious gusts of wind frequently striking the
house and shaking it to its very foundations.

The natural kindliness of her character asserted itself; her better
feelings were aroused, triumphing momentarily over the bigotry of her
religious opinions.

`Why, you ain't got no overcoat!' she exclaimed.  `You'll be soaked
goin' 'ome in this rain.'  Then, turning to her husband, she
continued: `There's that old one of yours; you might lend him that; it
would be better than nothing.'

But Owen would not hear of this: he thought, as he became very
conscious of the clammy feel of his saturated clothing, that he could
not get much wetter than he already was.  Linden accompanied him as
far as the front door, and Owen once more set out on his way homeward
through the storm that howled around like a wild beast hungry for its

Chapter 6

It is not My Crime

Owen and his family occupied the top floor of a house that had once
been a large private dwelling but which had been transformed into a
series of flats.  It was situated in Lord Street, almost in the centre
of the town.

At one time this had been a most aristocratic locality, but most of
the former residents had migrated to the newer suburb at the west of
the town.  Notwithstanding this fact, Lord Street was still a most
respectable neighbourhood, the inhabitants generally being of a very
superior type: shop-walkers, shop assistants, barber's clerks,
boarding house keepers, a coal merchant, and even two retired

There were four other flats in the house in which Owen lived.  No. 1
(the basement) was occupied by an estate agent's clerk.  No. 2 - on a
level with the street - was the habitat of the family of Mr Trafaim, a
cadaverous-looking gentleman who wore a top hat, boasted of his French
descent, and was a shop-walker at Sweater's Emporium.  No. 3 was
tenanted by an insurance agent, and in No. 4 dwelt a tallyman's

Lord Street - like most other similar neighbourhoods - supplied a
striking answer to those futile theorists who prate of the equality of
mankind, for the inhabitants instinctively formed themselves into
groups, the more superior types drawing together, separating
themselves from the inferior, and rising naturally to the top, while
the others gathered themselves into distinct classes, grading
downwards, or else isolated themselves altogether; being refused
admission to the circles they desired to enter, and in their turn
refusing to associate with their inferiors.

The most exclusive set consisted of the families of the coal merchant,
the two retired jerry-builders and Mr Trafaim, whose superiority was
demonstrated by the fact that, to say nothing of his French
extraction, he wore - in addition to the top hat aforesaid - a frock
coat and a pair of lavender trousers every day.  The coal merchant and
the jerry builders also wore top hats, lavender trousers and frock
coats, but only on Sundays and other special occasions.  The estate
agent's clerk and the insurance agent, though excluded from the higher
circle, belonged to another select coterie from which they excluded in
their turn all persons of inferior rank, such as shop assistants or

The only individual who was received with equal cordiality by all
ranks, was the tallyman's traveller.  But whatever differences existed
amongst them regarding each other's social standing they were
unanimous on one point at least: they were indignant at Owen's
presumption in coming to live in such a refined locality.

This low fellow, this common workman, with his paint-bespattered
clothing, his broken boots, and his generally shabby appearance, was a
disgrace to the street; and as for his wife she was not much better,
because although whenever she came out she was always neatly dressed,
yet most of the neighbours knew perfectly well that she had been
wearing the same white straw hat all the time she had been there.  In
fact, the only tolerable one of the family was the boy, and they were
forced to admit that he was always very well dressed; so well indeed
as to occasion some surprise, until they found out that all the boy's
clothes were home-made.  Then their surprise was changed into a
somewhat grudging admiration of the skill displayed, mingled with
contempt for the poverty which made its exercise necessary.

The indignation of the neighbours was increased when it became known
that Owen and his wife were not Christians: then indeed everyone
agreed that the landlord ought to be ashamed of himself for letting
the top flat to such people.

But although the hearts of these disciples of the meek and lowly
Jewish carpenter were filled with uncharitableness, they were
powerless to do much harm.  The landlord regarded their opinion with
indifference.  All he cared about was the money: although he also was
a sincere Christian, he would not have hesitated to let the top flat
to Satan himself, provided he was certain of receiving the rent

The only one upon whom the Christians were able to inflict any
suffering was the child.  At first when he used to go out into the
street to play, the other children, acting on their parents'
instructions, refused to associate with him, or taunted him with his
parents' poverty.  Occasionally he came home heartbroken and in tears
because he had been excluded from some game.

At first, sometimes the mothers of some of the better-class children
used to come out with a comical assumption of superiority and dignity
and compel their children to leave off playing with Frankie and some
other poorly dressed children who used to play in that street.  These
females were usually overdressed and wore a lot of jewellery.  Most of
them fancied they were ladies, and if they had only had the sense to
keep their mouths shut, other people might possibly have shared the
same delusion.

But this was now a rare occurrence, because the parents of the other
children found it a matter of considerable difficulty to prevent their
youngsters from associating with those of inferior rank, for when left
to themselves the children disregarded all such distinctions.
Frequently in that street was to be seen the appalling spectacle of
the ten-year-old son of the refined and fashionable Trafaim dragging
along a cart constructed of a sugar box and an old pair of
perambulator wheels with no tyres, in which reposed the plebeian
Frankie Owen, armed with a whip, and the dowdy daughter of a barber's
clerk: while the nine-year-old heir of the coal merchant rushed up
behind ...

Owen's wife and little son were waiting for him in the living room.
This room was about twelve feet square and the ceiling - which was low
and irregularly shaped, showing in places the formation of the roof -
had been decorated by Owen with painted ornaments.

There were three or four chairs, and an oblong table, covered with a
clean white tablecloth, set ready for tea.  In the recess at the right
of fireplace - an ordinary open grate - were a number of shelves
filled with a miscellaneous collection of books, most of which had
been bought second-hand.

There were also a number of new books, mostly cheap editions in paper

Over the back of a chair at one side of the fire, was hanging an old
suit of Owen's, and some underclothing, which his wife had placed
there to air, knowing that he would be wet through by the time he
arrived home ...

The woman was half-sitting, half lying, on a couch by the other side
of the fire.  She was very thin, and her pale face bore the traces of
much physical and mental suffering.  She was sewing, a task which her
reclining position rendered somewhat difficult.  Although she was
really only twenty-eight years of age, she appeared older.

The boy, who was sitting on the hearthrug playing with some toys, bore
a strong resemblance to his mother.  He also, appeared very fragile
and in his childish face was reproduced much of the delicate
prettiness which she had once possessed. His feminine appearance was
increased by the fact that his yellow hair hung in long curls on his
shoulders.  The pride with which his mother regarded this long hair
was by no means shared by Frankie himself, for he was always
entreating her to cut it off.

Presently the boy stood up and walking gravely over to the window,
looked down into the street, scanning the pavement for as far as he
could see: he had been doing this at intervals for the last hour.

`I wonder wherever he's got to,' he said, as he returned to the fire.

`I'm sure I don't know,' returned his mother.  `Perhaps he's had to
work overtime.'

`You know, I've been thinking lately,' observed Frankie, after a
pause, `that it's a great mistake for Dad to go out working at all.  I
believe that's the very reason why we're so poor.'

`Nearly everyone who works is more or less poor, dear, but if Dad
didn't go out to work we'd be even poorer than we are now.  We should
have nothing to eat.'

`But Dad says that the people who do nothing get lots of everything.'

`Yes, and it's quite true that most of the people who never do any
work get lots of everything, but where do they get it from?  And how
do they get it?'

`I'm sure i don't know,' replied Frankie, shaking his head in a
puzzled fashion.

`Supposing Dad didn't go to work, or that he had no work to go to, or
that he was ill and not able to do any work, then we'd have no money
to buy anything.  How should we get on then?'

`I'm sure I don't know,' repeated Frankie, looking round the room in a
thoughtful manner, `The chairs that's left aren't good enough to sell,
and we can't sell the beds, or your sofa, but you might pawn my velvet

`But even if all the things were good enough to sell, the money we'd
get for them wouldn't last very long, and what should we do then?'

`Well, I suppose we'd have to go without, that's all, the same as we
did when Dad was in London .'

`But how do the people who never do any work manage to get lots of
money then?' added Frankie.

`Oh, there's lots of different ways.  For instance, you remember when
Dad was in London, and we had no food in the house, I had to sell the
easy chair.'

Frankie nodded.  `Yes,' he said, `I remember you wrote a note and I
took it to the shop, and afterwards old Didlum came up here and bought
it, and then his cart came and a man took it away.'

`And do you remember how much he gave us for it?'

`Five shillings,' replied Frankie, promptly.  He was well acquainted
with the details of the transaction, having often heard his father
and mother discuss it.

`And when we saw it in his shop window a little while afterwards, what
price was marked on it?'

'Fifteen shillings.'

Well, that's one way of getting money without working.

Frankie played with his toys in silence for some minutes.  At last he

`What other ways?'

`Some people who have some money already get more in this way: they
find some people who have no money and say to them, "Come and work for
us."  Then the people who have the money pay the workers just enough
wages to keep them alive whilst they are at work.  Then, when the
things that the working people have been making are finished, the
workers are sent away, and as they still have no money, they are soon
starving.  In the meantime the people who had the money take all the
things that the workers have made and sell them for a great deal more
money than they gave to the workers for making them.  That's another
way of getting lots of money without doing any useful work.'

`But is there no way to get rich without doing such things as that?'

`It's not possible for anyone to become rich without cheating other

`What about our schoolmaster then?  He doesn't do any work.'

`Don't you think it's useful and and also very hard work teaching all
those boys every day?  I don't think I should like to have to do it.'

`Yes, I suppose what he does is some use,' said Frankie thoughtfully.
`And it must be rather hard too, I should think.  I've noticed he
looks a bit worried sometimes, and sometimes he gets into a fine old
wax when the boys don't pay proper attention.'

The child again went over to the window, and pulling back the edge of
the blind looked down the deserted rain washed street.

`What about the vicar?' he remarked as he returned.

Although Frankie did not go to church or Sunday School, the day school
that he had attended was that attached to the parish church, and the
vicar was in the habit of looking in occasionally.

`Ah, he really is one of those who live without doing any necessary
work, and of all the people who do nothing, the vicar is one of the
very worst.'

Frankie looked up at his mother with some surprise, not because he
entertained any very high opinion of clergymen in general, for, having
been an attentive listener to many conversations between his parents,
he had of course assimilated their opinions as far as his infant
understanding permitted, but because at the school the scholars were
taught to regard the gentleman in question with the most profound
reverence and respect.

`Why, Mum?' he asked.

`For this reason, dearie.  You know that all the beautiful things
which the people who do nothing have are made by the people who work,
don't you?'


`And you know that those who work have to eat the very worst food, and
wear the very worst clothes, and live in the very worst homes.'

`Yes,' said Frankie.

`And sometimes they have nothing to eat at all, and no clothes to wear
except rags, and even no homes to live in.'

`Yes,' repeated the child.

`Well, the vicar goes about telling the Idlers that it's quite right
for them to do nothing, and that God meant them to have nearly
everything that is made by those who work.  In fact, he tells them
that God made the poor for the use of the rich.  Then he goes to the
workers and tells them that God meant them to work very hard and to
give all the good things they make to those who do nothing, and that
they should be very thankful to God and to the idlers for being
allowed to have even the very worst food to eat and the rags, and
broken boots to wear.  He also tells them that they mustn't grumble,
or be discontented because they're poor in this world, but that they
must wait till they're dead, and then God will reward them by letting
them go to a place called Heaven.'

Frankie laughed.

`And what about the Idlers?' he asked.

`The vicar says that if they believe everything he tells them and give
him some of the money they make out of the workers, then God will let
them into heaven also.'

`Well, that's not fair doos, is it, Mum?' said Frankie with some

`It wouldn't be if it were true, but then you see it's not true, it
can't be true.'

`Why can't it, Mum?'

`Oh, for many reasons: to begin with, the vicar doesn't believe it
himself: he only pretends to.  For instance, he pretends to believe
the Bible, but if we read the Bible we find that Jesus said that God
is our father and that all the people in the world are His children,
all brothers and sisters.  But the vicar says that although Jesus said
"brothers and sisters" He really ought to have said "masters and
servants".  Again, Jesus said that His disciples should not think of
tomorrow, or save up a lot of money for themselves, but they should be
unselfish and help those who are in need.  Jesus said that His
disciples must not think about their own future needs at all, because
God will provide for them if they only do as He commands.  But the
vicar says that is all nonsense.

`Jesus also said that if anyone tried to do His disciples harm, they
must never resist, but forgive those who injured them and pray God to
forgive them also.  But the vicar says this is all nonsense too.  He
says that the world would never be able to go on if we did as Jesus
taught.  The vicar teaches that the way to deal with those that injure
us is to have them put into prison, or - if they belong to some other
country - to take guns and knives and murder them, and burn their
houses.  So you see the vicar doesn't really believe or do any of the
things that Jesus said: he only pretends.'

`But why does he pretend, and go about talking like that, Mum?  What
does he do it for?'

`Because he wishes to live without working himself, dear.'

`And don't the people know he's only pretending?'

`Some of them do.  Most of the idlers know that what the vicar says is
not true, but they pretend to believe it, and give him money for
saying it, because they want him to go on telling it to the workers so
that they will go on working and keep quiet and be afraid to think for

`And what about the workers?  Do they believe it?

`Most of them do, because when they were little children like you,
their mothers taught them to believe, without thinking, whatever the
vicar said, and that God made them for the use of the idlers.  When
they went to school, they were taught the same thing: and now that
they're grown up they really believe it, and they go to work and give
nearly everything they make to the idlers, and have next to nothing
left for themselves and their children.  That's the reason why the
workers' children have very bad clothes to wear and sometimes no food
to eat; and that's how it is that the idlers and their children have
more clothes than they need and more food than they can eat.  Some of
them have so much food that they are not able to eat it.  They just
waste it or throw it away.'

`When I'm grown up into a man,' said Frankie, with a flushed face,
`I'm going to be one of the workers, and when we've made a lot of
things, I shall stand up and tell the others what to do.  If any of
the idlers come to take our things away, they'll get something they
won't like.'

In a state of suppressed excitement and scarcely conscious of what he
was doing, the boy began gathering up the toys and throwing the
violently one by one into the box.

`I'll teach 'em to come taking our things away,' he exclaimed,
relapsing momentarily into his street style of speaking.

`First of all we'll all stand quietly on one side.  Then when the
idlers come in and start touching our things, we'll go up to 'em and
say, "`Ere, watcher doin' of?  Just you put it down, will yer?"  And
if they don't put it down at once, it'll be the worse for 'em, I can
tell you.'

All the toys being collected, Frankie picked up the box and placed it
noisily in its accustomed corner of the room.

`I should think the workers will be jolly glad when they see me coming
to tell them what to do, shouldn't you, Mum?'

`I don't know dear; you see so many people have tried to tell them,
but they won't listen, they don't want to hear.  They think it's quite
right that they should work very hard all their lives, and quite right
that most of the things they help to make should be taken away from
them by the people who do nothing.  The workers think that their
children are not as good as the children of the idlers, and they teach
their children that as soon as ever they are old enough they must be
satisfied to work very hard and to have only very bad good and clothes
and homes.'

`Then I should think the workers ought to be jolly ashamed of
themselves, Mum, don't you?'

`Well, in one sense they ought, but you must remember that that's what
they've always been taught themselves.  First, their mothers and
fathers told them so; then, their schoolteachers told them so; and
then, when they went to church, the vicar and the Sunday School
teacher told them the same thing.  So you can't be surprised that they
now really believe that God made them and their children to make
things for the use of the people who do nothing.'

`But you'd think their own sense would tell them!  How can it be right
for the people who do nothing to have the very best and  most of
everything thats made, and the very ones who make everything to have
hardly any.  Why even I know better than that, and I'm only six and a
half years old.'

`But then you're different, dearie, you've been taught to think about
it, and Dad and I have explained it to you, often.'

`Yes, I know,' replied Frankie confidently.  `But even if you'd never
taught me, I'm sure I should have tumbled to it all right by myself;
I'm not such a juggins as you think I am.'

`So you might, but you wouldn't if you'd been brought up in the same
way as most of the workers.  They've been taught that it's very wicked
to use their own judgement, or to think.  And their children are being
taught so now.  Do you remember what you told me the other day, when
you came home from school, about the Scripture lesson?'

`About St Thomas?'

`Yes.  What did the teacher say St Thomas was?'

`She said he was a bad example; and she said I was worse than him
because I asked too many foolish questions.  She always gets in a wax
if I talk too much.'

`Well, why did she call St Thomas a bad example?'

`Because he wouldn't believe what he was told.'

`Exactly: well, when you told Dad about it what did he say?'

`Dad told me that really St Thomas was the only sensible man in the
whole crowd of Apostles.  That is,' added Frankie, correcting himself,
`if there ever was such a man at all.'

`But did Dad say that there never was such a man?'

`No; he said HE didn't believe there ever was, but he told me to just
listen to what the teacher said about such things, and then to think
about it in my own mind, and wait till I'm grown up and then I can use
my own judgement.'

`Well, now, that's what YOU were told, but all the other children's
mothers and fathers tell them to believe, without thinking, whatever
the teacher says.  So it will be no wonder if those children are not
able to think for themselves when they're grown up, will it?'

`Don't you think it will be any use, then, for me to tell them what to
do to the Idlers?' asked Frankie, dejectedly.

`Hark!' said his mother, holding up her finger.

`Dad!' cried Frankie, rushing to the door and flinging it open.  He
ran along the passage and opened the staircase door before Owen
reached the top of the last flight of stairs.

`Why ever do you come up at such a rate,' reproachfully exclaimed
Owen's wife as he came into the room exhausted from the climb upstairs
and sank panting into the nearest chair.

`I al-ways-for-get,' he replied, when he had in some degree recovered.
As he lay back in the chair, his face haggard and of a ghastly
whiteness, and with the water dripping from his saturated clothing,
Owen presented a terrible appearance.

Frankie noticed with childish terror the extreme alarm with which his
mother looked at his father.

`You're always doing it,' he said with a whimper.  `How many more
times will Mother have to tell you about it before you take nay

`It's all right, old chap,' said Owen, drawing the child nearer to him
and kissing the curly head.  `Listen, and see if you can guess what
I've got for you under my coat.'

In the silence the purring of the kitten was distinctly audible.

`A kitten!' cried the boy, taking it out of its hiding-place.  `All
black, and I believe it's half a Persian.  Just the very thing I

While Frankie amused himself playing with the kitten, which had been
provided with another saucer of bread and milk, Owen went into the
bedroom to put on the dry clothes, and then, those that he had taken
off having been placed with his boots near the fire to dry, he
explained as they were taking tea the reason of his late homecoming.

`I'm afraid he won't find it very easy to get another job,' he
remarked, referring to Linden.  `Even in the summer nobody will be
inclined to take him on.  He's too old.'

`It's a dreadful prospect for the two children,' answered his wife.

`Yes,' replied Owen bitterly.  `It's the children who will suffer
most.  As for Linden and his wife, although of course one can't help
feeling sorry for them, at the same time there's no getting away from
the fact that they deserve to suffer.  All their lives they've been
working like brutes and living in poverty.  Although they have done
more than their fair share of the work, they have never enjoyed
anything like a fair share of the things they have helped to produce.
And yet, all their lives they have supported and defended the system
that robbed them, and have resisted and ridiculed every proposal to
alter it.  It's wrong to feel sorry for such people; they deserve to

After tea, as he watched his wife clearing away the tea things and
rearranging the drying clothing by the fire, Owen for the first time
noticed that she looked unusually ill.

`You don't look well tonight, Nora,' he said, crossing over to her and
putting his arm around her.

`I don't feel well,' she replied, resting her head wearily against his
shoulder.  `I've been very bad all day and I had to lie down nearly
all the afternoon.  I don't know how I should have managed to get the
tea ready if it had not been for Frankie.'

`I set the table for you, didn't I, Mum?' said Frankie with pride;
`and tidied up the room as well.'

`Yes, darling, you helped me a lot,' she answered, and Frankie went
over to her and kissed her hand.

`Well, you'd better go to bed at once,' said Owen.  `I can put Frankie
to bed presently and do whatever else is necessary.'

`But there are so many things to attend to.  I want to see that your
clothes are properly dry and to put something ready for you to take in
the morning before you go out, and then there's your breakfast to pack
up -'

`I can manage all that.'

`I didn't want to give way to it like this,' the woman said, `because
I know you must be tired out yourself, but I really do feel quite done
up now.'

`Oh, I'm all right,' replied Owen, who was really so fatigued that he
was scarcely able to stand.  `I'll go and draw the blinds down and
light the other lamp; so say good night to Frankie and come at once.'

`I won't say good night properly, now, Mum,' remarked the boy,
`because Dad can carry me into your room before he puts me into bed.'

A little later, as Owen was undressing Frankie, the latter remarked as
he looked affectionately at the kitten, which was sitting on the
hearthrug watching the child's every movement under the impression
that it was part of some game:

`What name do you think we ought to call it, Dad?'

`You may give him any name you like,' replied Owen, absently.

`I know a dog that lives down the road,' said the boy, `his name is
Major.  How would that do?  Or we might call him Sergeant.'

The kitten, observing that he was the subject of their conversation,
purred loudly and winked as if to intimate that he did not care what
rank was conferred upon him so long as the commisariat department was
properly attended to.

`I don't know, though,' continued Frankie, thoughtfully.  `They're all
right names for dogs, but I think they're too big for a kitten, don't
you, Dad?'

`Yes, p'raps they are,' said Owen.

`Most cats are called Tom or Kitty, but I don't want a COMMON name for

`Well, can't you call him after someone you know?'

`I know; I'll call him after a little girl that comes to our school; a
fine name, Maud!  That'll be a good one, won't it Dad?'

`Yes,' said Owen.

`I say, Dad,' said Frankie, suddenly realizing the awful fact that he
was being put to bed.  `You're forgetting all about my story, and you
promised that you'd have a game of trains with me tonight.'

`I hadn't forgotten, but I was hoping that you had, because I'm very
tired and it's very late, long past your usual bedtime, you know.  You
can take the kitten to bed with you tonight and I'll tell you two
stories tomorrow, because it's Saturday.'

`All right, then,' said the boy, contentedly; `and I'll get the
railway station built and I'll have the lines chalked on the floor,
and the signals put up before you come home, so that there'll be no
time wasted.  And I'll put one chair at one end of the room and
another chair at the other end, and tie some string across for
telegraph wires.  That'll be a very good idea, won't it, Dad?' and
Owen agreed.

`But of course I'll come to meet you just the same as other Saturdays,
because I'm going to buy a ha'porth of milk for the kitten out of my

After the child was in bed, Owen sat alone by the table in the
draughty sitting-room, thinking.  Although there was a bright fire,
the room was very cold, being so close to the roof.  The wind roared
loudly round the gables, shaking the house in a way that threatened
every moment to hurl it to the ground.  The lamp on the table had a
green glass reservoir which was half full of oil.  Owen watched this
with unconscious fascination.  Every time a gust of wind struck the
house the oil in the lamp was agitated and rippled against the glass
like the waves of a miniature sea.  Staring abstractedly at the lamp,
he thought of the future.

A few years ago the future had seemed a region of wonderful and
mysterious possibilities of good, but tonight the thought brought no
such illusions, for he knew that the story of the future was to be
much the same as the story of the past.

The story of the past would continue to repeat itself for a few years
longer.  He would continue to work and they would all three continue
to do without most of the necessaries of life.  When there was no work
they would starve.

For himself he did not care much because he knew that at the best - or
worst - it would only be a very few years.  Even if he were to have
proper food and clothing and be able to take reasonable care of
himself, he could not live much longer; but when that time came, what
was to become of THEM?

There would be some hope for the boy if he were more robust and if his
character were less gentle and more selfish.  Under the present system
it was impossible for anyone to succeed in life without injuring other
people and treating them and making use of them as one would not like
to be treated and made use of oneself.

In order to succeed in the world it was necessary to be brutal,
selfish and unfeeling: to push others aside and to take advantage of
their misfortunes: to undersell and crush out one's competitors by
fair means or foul: to consider one's own interests first in every
case, absolutely regardless of the wellbeing of others.

That was the ideal character.  Owen knew that Frankie's character did
not come up to this lofty ideal.  Then there was Nora, how would she

Owen stood up and began walking about the room, oppressed with a kind
of terror.  Presently he returned to the fire and began rearranging
the clothes that were drying.  He found that the boots, having been
placed too near the fire, had dried too quickly and consequently the
sole of one of them had begun to split away from the upper: he
remedied this as well as he was able and then turned the wetter parts
of the clothing to the fire.  Whilst doing this he noticed the
newspaper, which he had forgotten, in the coat pocket.  He drew it out
with an exclamation of pleasure.  Here was something to distract his
thoughts: if not instructive or comforting, it would at any rate be
interesting and even amusing to read the reports of the
self-satisfied, futile talk of the profound statesmen who with comical
gravity presided over the working of the Great System which their
combined wisdom pronounced to be the best that could possibly be
devised.  But tonight Owen was not to read of those things, for as
soon as he opened the paper his attention was riveted by the staring
headline of one of the principal columns:

                     TERRIBLE DOMESTIC TRAGEDY
                   Wife And Two Children Killed
                      Suicide of the Murderer

It was one of the ordinary poverty crimes.  The man had been without
employment for many weeks and they had been living by pawning or
selling their furniture and other possessions.  But even this resource
must have failed at last, and when one day the neighbours noticed that
the blinds remained down and that there was a strange silence about
the house, no one coming out or going in, suspicions that something
was wrong were quickly aroused.  When the police entered the house,
they found, in one of the upper rooms, the dead bodies of the woman
and the two children, with their throats severed, laid out side by
side upon the bed, which was saturated with their blood.

There was no bedstead and no furniture in the room except the straw
mattress and the ragged clothes and blankets which formed the bed upon
the floor.

The man's body was found in the kitchen, lying with outstretched arms
face downwards on the floor, surrounded by the blood that had poured
from the wound in his throat which had evidently been inflicted by the
razor that was grasped in his right hand.

No particle of food was found in the house, and on a nail in the wall
in the kitchen was hung a piece of blood-smeared paper on which was
written in pencil:

`This is not my crime, but society's.'

The report went on to explain that the deed must have been perpetrated
during a fit of temporary insanity brought on by the sufferings the
man had endured.

`Insanity!' muttered Owen, as he read this glib theory.  `Insanity!
It seems to me that he would have been insane if he had NOT killed

Surely it was wiser and better and kinder to send them all to sleep,
than to let them continue to suffer.

At the same time he thought it very strange that the man should have
chosen to do it that way, when there were so many other cleaner,
easier and more painless ways of accomplishing the same object.  He
wondered why it was that most of these killings were done in more or
less the same crude, cruel messy way.  No; HE would set about it in a
different fashion.  He would get some charcoal, then he would paste
strips of paper over the joinings of the door and windows of the room
and close the register of the grate.  Then he would kindle the
charcoal on a tray or something in the middle of the room, and then
they would all three just lie down together and sleep; and that would
be the end of everything.  There would be no pain, no blood, and no

Or one could take poison.  Of course, there was a certain amount of
difficulty in procuring it, but it would not be impossible to find
some pretext for buying some laudanum: one could buy several small
quantities at different shops until one had sufficient.  Then he
remembered that he had read somewhere that vermillion, one of the
colours he frequently had to use in his work, was one of the most
deadly poisons: and there was some other stuff that photographers
used, which was very easy to procure.  Of course, one would have to be
very careful about poisons, so as not to select one that would cause a
lot of pain.  It would be necessary to find out exactly how the stuff
acted before using it.  It would not be very difficult to do so.  Then
he remembered that among his books was one that probably contained
some information about this subject.  He went over to the book-shelf
and presently found the volume; it was called The Cyclopedia of
Practical Medicine, rather an old book, a little out of date, perhaps,
but still it might contain the information he wanted.  Opening it, he
turned to the table of contents.  Many different subjects were
mentioned there and presently he found the one he sought:

Poisons: chemically, physiologically and pathologically considered.
    Corrosive Poisons.
    Narcotic Poisons.
    Slow Poisons.
    Consecutive Poisons.
    Accumulative Poisons.

He turned to the chapter indicated and, reading it, he was astonished
to find what a number of poisons there were within easy reach of
whoever wished to make use of them: poisons that could be relied upon
to do their work certainly, quickly and without pain.  Why, it was not
even necessary to buy them: one could gather them from the hedges by
the road side and in the fields.

The more he thought of it the stranger it seemed that such a clumsy
method as a razor should be so popular.  Why almost any other way
would be better and easier than that.  Strangulation or even hanging,
though the latter method could scarcely be adopted in that house,
because there were no beams or rafters or anything from which it would
be possible to suspend a cord.  Still, he could drive some large nails
or hooks into one of the walls.  For that matter, there were already
some clothes-hooks on some of the doors.  He began to think that this
would be an even more excellent way than poison or charcoal; he could
easily pretend to Frankie that he was going to show him some new kind
of play.

He could arrange the cord on the hook on one of the doors and then
under pretence of play, it would be done.  The boy would offer no
resistance, and in a few minutes it would all be over.

He threw down the book and pressed his hands over his ears: he fancied
he could hear the boy's hands and feet beating against the panels of
the door as he struggled in his death agony.

Then, as his arms fell nervelessly by his side again, he thought that
he heard Frankie's voice calling.

`Dad!  Dad!'

Owen hastily opened the door.

`Are you calling, Frankie?'

`Yes.  I've been calling you quite a long time.'

`What do you want?'

`I want you to come here.  I want to tell you something.'

`Well, what is it dear?  I thought you were asleep a long time ago,'
said Owen as he came into the room.

`That's just what I want to speak to you about: the kitten's gone to
sleep all right, but I can't go.  I've tried all different ways,
counting and all, but it's no use, so I thought I'd ask you if you'd
mind coming and staying with me, and letting me hold you hand for a
little while and the p'raps I could go.'

The boy twined his arms round Owen's neck and hugged him very tightly.

`Oh, Dad, I love you so much!' he said.  `I love you so much, I could
squeeze you to death.'

`I'm afraid you will, if you squeeze me so tightly as that.'

The boy laughed softly as he relaxed his hold.  `That WOULD be a funny
way of showing you how much I love you, wouldn't it, Dad?  Squeezing
you to death!'

`Yes, I suppose it would,' replied Owen huskily, as he tucked the
bedclothes round the child's shoulders.  `But don't talk any more,
dear; just hold my hand and try to sleep.'

`All right,' said Frankie.

Lying there very quietly, holding his father's hand and occasionally
kissing it, the child presently fell asleep.  Then Owen got up very
gently and, having taken the kitten out of the bed again and arranged
the bedclothes, he softly kissed the boy's forehead and returned to
the other room.

Looking about for a suitable place for the kitten to sleep in, he
noticed Frankie's toy box, and having emptied the toys on to the floor
in a corner of the room, he made a bed in the box with some rags and
placed it on its side on the hearthrug, facing the fire, and with some
difficulty persuaded the kitten to lie in it.  Then, having placed the
chairs on which his clothes were drying at a safe distance from the
fire, he went into the bedroom.  Nora was still awake.

`Are you feeling any better, dear?' he said.

`Yes, I'm ever so much better since I've been in bed, but I can't help
worrying about your clothes.  I'm afraid they'll never be dry enough
for you to put on the first thing in the morning.  Couldn't you stay
at home till after breakfast, just for once?'

`No; I mustn't do that.  If I did Hunter would probably tell me to
stay away altogether.  I believe he would be glad of an excuse to get
rid of another full-price man just now.'

`But if it's raining like this in the morning, you'll be wet through
before you get there.'

`It's no good worrying about that dear: besides, I can wear this old
coat that I have no now, over the other.'

`And if you wrap your old shoes in some paper, and take them with you,
you can take off your wet boots as soon as you get to the place.'

`Yes, all right,' responded Owen.  `Besides,' he added, reassuringly,
`even if I do get a little wet, we always have a fire there, you

`Well, I hope the weather will be a little better than this in the
morning,' said Nora.  `Isn't it a dreadful night!  I keep feeling
afraid that the house is going to be blown down.'

Long after Nora was asleep, Owen lay listening to the howling of the
wind and the noise of the rain as it poured heavily on the roof ...

Chapter 7

The Exterminating Machines

`Come on, Saturday!' shouted Philpot, just after seven o'clock one
Monday morning as they were getting ready to commence work.

It was still dark outside, but the scullery was dimly illuminated by
the flickering light of two candles which Crass had lighted and stuck
on the shelf over the fireplace in order to enable him to see to serve
out the different lots of paints and brushes to the men.

`Yes, it do seem a 'ell of a long week, don't it?' remarked Harlow as
he hung his overcoat on a nail and proceeded to put on his apron and
blouse.  `I've 'ad bloody near enough of it already.'

`Wish to Christ it was breakfast-time,' growled the more easily
satisfied Easton.

Extraordinary as it may appear, none of them took any pride in their
work: they did not `love' it.  They had no conception of that lofty
ideal of `work for work's sake', which is so popular with the people
who do nothing.  On the contrary, when the workers arrived in the
morning they wished it was breakfast-time.  When they resumed work
after breakfast they wished it was dinner-time.  After dinner they
wished it was one o'clock on Saturday.

So they went on, day after day, year after year, wishing their time
was over and, without realizing it, really wishing that they were

How extraordinary this must appear to those idealists who believe in
`work for work's sake', but who themselves do nothing but devour or
use and enjoy or waste the things that are produced by the labour of
those others who are not themselves permitted to enjoy a fair share of
the good things they help to create?

Crass poured several lots of colour into several pots.

`Harlow,' he said, `you and Sawkins, when he comes, can go up and do
the top bedrooms out with this colour.  You'll find a couple of
candles up there.  It's only goin' to 'ave one coat, so see that you
make it cover all right, and just look after Sawkins a bit so as 'e
doesn't make a bloody mess of it.  You do the doors and windows, and
let 'im do the cupboards and skirtings.'

`That's a bit of all right, I must say,' Harlow said, addressing the
company generally.  `We've got to teach a b--r like 'im so as 'e can
do us out of a job presently by working under price.'

`Well, I can't 'elp it,' growled Crass.  `You know 'ow it is: `Unter
sends 'im 'ere to do paintin', and I've got to put 'im on it.  There
ain't nothing else for 'im to do.'

Further discussion on this subject was prevented by Sawkins' arrival,
nearly a quarter of an hour late.

`Oh, you 'ave come, then,' sneered Crass.  `Thought p'raps you'd gorn
for a 'oliday.'

Sawkins muttered something about oversleeping himself, and having
hastily put on his apron, he went upstairs with Harlow.

`Now, let's see,' Crass said, addressing Philpot.  `You and Newman 'ad
better go and make a start on the second floor: this is the colour,
and 'ere's a couple of candles.  You'd better not both go in one room
or 'Unter will growl about it.  You take one of the front and let
Newman take one of the back rooms.  Take a bit of stoppin' with you:
they're goin' to 'ave two coats, but you'd better putty up the 'oles as
well as you can, this time.'

`Only two coats!' said Philpot.  `Them rooms will never look nothing
with two coats - a light colour like this.'

`It's only goin' to get two, anyway,' returned Crass, testily.
`'Unter said so, so you'll 'ave to do the best you can with 'em, and
get 'em smeared over middlin' sudden, too.'

Crass did not think it necessary to mention that according to the copy
of the specification of the work which he had in his pocket the rooms
in question were supposed to have four coats.

Crass now turned to Owen.

`There's that drorin'-room,' he said.  `I don't know what's goin' to
be done with that yet.  I don't think they've decided about it.
Whatever's to be done to it will be an extra, because all that's said
about it in the contract is to face it up with putty and give it one
coat of white.  So you and Easton 'ad better get on with it.'

Slyme was busy softening some putty by rubbing and squeezing it
between his hands.

`I suppose I'd better finish the room I started on on Saturday?' he

`All right,' replied Crass.  `Have you got enough colour?'

`Yes,' said Slyme.

As he passed through the kitchen on the way to his work, Slyme
accosted Bert, the boy, who was engaged in lighting, with some pieces
of wood, a fire to boil the water to make the tea for breakfast at
eight o'clock.

`There's a bloater I want's cooked,' he said.

`All right,' replied Bert.  `Put it over there on the dresser along of
Philpot's and mine.'

Slyme took the bloater from his food basket, but as he was about to
put it in the place indicated, he observed that his was rather a
larger one than either of the other two.  This was an important
matter.  After they were cooked it would not be easy to say which was
which: he might possibly be given one of the smaller ones instead of
his own.  He took out his pocket knife and cut off the tail of the
large bloater.

`'Ere it is, then,' he said to Bert.  `I've cut the tail of mine so as
you'll know which it is.'

It was now about twenty minutes past seven and all the other men
having been started at work, Crass washed his hands under the tap.
Then he went into the kitchen and having rigged up a seat by taking
two of the drawers out of the dresser and placing them on the floor
about six feet apart and laying a plank across, he sat down in front
of the fire, which was now burning brightly under the pail, and,
lighting his pipe, began to smoke.  The boy went into the scullery and
began washing up the cups and jars for the men to drink out of.

Bert was a lean, undersized boy about fifteen years of age and about
four feet nine inches in height.  He had light brown hair and hazel
grey eyes, and his clothes were of many colours, being thickly
encrusted with paint, the result of the unskillful manner in which he
did his work, for he had only been at the trade about a year.  Some of
the men had nicknamed him `the walking paint-shop', a title which Bert
accepted good-humouredly.

This boy was an orphan.  His father had been a railway porter who had
worked very laboriously for twelve or fourteen hours every day for
many years, with the usual result, namely, that he and his family
lived in a condition of perpetual poverty.  Bert, who was their only
child and not very robust, had early shown a talent for drawing, so
when his father died a little over a year ago, his mother readily
assented when the boy said that he wished to become a decorator.  It
was a nice light trade, and she thought that a really good painter,
such as she was sure he would become, was at least always able to earn
a good living.  Resolving to give the boy the best possible chance,
she decided if possible to place him at Rushton's, that being one of
the leading firms in the town.  At first Mr Rushton demanded ten
pounds as a premium, the boy to be bound for five years, no wages the
first year, two shillings a week the second, and a rise of one
shilling every year for the remainder of the term.  Afterwards, as a
special favour - a matter of charity, in fact, as she was a very poor
woman - he agreed to accept five pounds.

This sum represented the thrifty savings of years, but the poor woman
parted with it willingly in order that the boy should become a skilled
workman.  So Bert was apprenticed - bound for five years - to Rushton
& Co.

For the first few months his life had been spent in the paint-shop at
the yard, a place that was something between a cellar and a stable.
There, surrounded by the poisonous pigments and materials of the
trade, the youthful artisan worked, generally alone, cleaning the
dirty paint-pots brought in by the workmen from finished `jobs'
outside, and occasionally mixing paint according to the instructions
of Mr Hunter, or one of the sub-foremen.

Sometimes he was sent out to carry materials to the places where the
men were working - heavy loads of paint or white lead - sometimes
pails of whitewash that his slender arms had been too feeble to carry
more than a few yards at a time.

Often his fragile, childish figure was seen staggering manfully along,
bending beneath the weight of a pair of steps or a heavy plank.

He could manage a good many parcels at once: some in each hand and
some tied together with string and slung over his shoulders.
Occasionally, however, there were more than he could carry; then they
were put into a handcart which he pushed or dragged after him to the
distant jobs.

That first winter the boy's days were chiefly spent in the damp,
evil-smelling, stone-flagged paint-shop, without even a fire to warm
the clammy atmosphere.

But in all this he had seen no hardship.  With the unconsciousness of
boyhood, he worked hard and cheerfully.  As time went on, the goal of
his childish ambition was reached - he was sent out to work with the
men!  And he carried the same spirit with him, always doing his best
to oblige those with whom he was working.

He tried hard to learn, and to be a good boy, and he succeeded, fairly

He soon became a favourite with Owen, for whom he conceived a great
respect and affection, for he observed that whenever there was any
special work of any kind to be done it was Owen who did it.  On such
occasions, Bert, in his artful, boyish way, would scheme to be sent to
assist Owen, and the latter whenever possible used to ask that the boy
might be allowed to work with him.

Bert's regard for Owen was equalled in intensity by his dislike of
Crass, who was in the habit of jeering at the boy's aspirations.
`There'll be plenty of time for you to think about doin' fancy work
after you've learnt to do plain painting,' he would say.

This morning, when he had finished washing up the cups and mugs, Bert
returned with them to the kitchen.

`Now let's see,' said Crass, thoughtfully, `You've put the tea in the
pail, I s'pose.'


`And now you want a job, don't you?'

`Yes,' replied the boy.

`Well, get a bucket of water and that old brush and a swab, and go and
wash off the old whitewash and colouring orf the pantry ceiling and

`All right,' said Bert.  When he got as far as the door leading into
the scullery he looked round and said:

`I've got to git them three bloaters cooked by breakfast time.'

`Never mind about that,' said Crass.  `I'll do them.'

Bert got the pail and the brush, drew some water from the tap, got a
pair of steps and a short plank, one end of which he rested on the
bottom shelf of the pantry and the other on the steps, and proceeded
to carry out Crass's instructions.

It was very cold and damp and miserable in the pantry, and the candle
only made it seem more so.  Bert shivered: he would like to have put
his jacket on, but that was out of the question at a job like this.
He lifted the bucket of water on to one of the shelves and, climbing
up on to the plank, took the brush from the water and soaked about a
square yard of the ceiling; then he began to scrub it with the brush.

He was not very skilful yet, and as he scrubbed the water ran down
over the stock of the brush, over his hand and down his uplifted arm,
wetting the turned-up sleeves of his shirt.  When he had scrubbed it
sufficiently he rinsed it off as well as he could with the brush, and
then, to finish with, he thrust his hand into the pail of water and,
taking out the swab, wrung the water out of it and wiped the part of
the ceiling that he had washed.  Then he dropped it back into the
pail, and shook his numbed fingers to restore the circulation.  Then
he peeped into the kitchen, where Crass was still seated by the fire,
smoking and toasting one of the bloaters at the end of a pointed
stick.  Bert wished he would go upstairs, or anywhere, so that he
himself might go and have a warm at the fire.

`'E might just as well 'ave let me do them bloaters,' he muttered to
himself, regarding Crass malignantly through the crack of the door.
`This is a fine job to give to anybody - a cold mornin' like this.'

He shifted the pail of water a little further along the shelf and went
on with the work.

A little later, Crass, still sitting by the fire, heard footsteps
approaching along the passage.  He started up guiltily and, thrusting
the hand holding his pipe into his apron pocket, retreated hastily
into the scullery.  He thought it might be Hunter, who was in the
habit of turning up at all sorts of unlikely times, but it was only

`I've got a bit of bacon I want the young 'un to toast for me,' he
said as Crass came back.

`You can do it yourself if you like,' replied Crass affably, looking
at his watch.  `It's about ten to eight.'

Easton had been working for Rushton & Co. for a fortnight, and had
been wise enough to stand Crass a drink on several occasions: he was
consequently in that gentleman's good books for the time being.

`How are you getting on in there?' Crass asked, alluding to the work
Easton and Owen were doing in the drawing-room.  `You ain't fell out
with your mate yet, I s'pose?'

`No; 'e ain't got much to say this morning; 'is cough's pretty bad.  I
can generally manage to get on orl right with anybody, you know,'
Easton added.

`Well, so can I as a rule, but I get a bit sick listening to that
bloody fool.  Accordin' to 'im, everything's wrong.  One day it's
religion, another it's politics, and the next it's something else.'

`Yes, it is a bit thick; too much of it,' agreed Easton, `but I don't
take no notice of the bloody fool: that's the best way.'

`Of course, we know that things is a bit bad just now,' Crass went on,
`but if the likes of 'im could 'ave their own way they'd make 'em a
bloody sight worse.'

`That's just what I say,' replied Easton.

`I've got a pill ready for 'im, though, next time 'e start yappin','
Crass continued as he drew a small piece of printed paper from his
waistcoat pocket.  `Just read that; it's out of the Obscurer.'

Easton took the newspaper cutting and read it: `Very good,' he
remarked as he handed it back.

`Yes, I think that'll about shut 'im up.  Did yer notice the other day
when we was talking about poverty and men bein' out of work, 'ow 'e
dodged out of answerin' wot I said about machinery bein' the cause of
it?   'e never answered me!  Started talkin' about something else.'

`Yes, I remember 'e never answered it,' said Easton, who had really no
recollection of the incident at all.

`I mean to tackle 'im about it at breakfast-time.  I don't see why 'e
should be allowed to get out of it like that.  There was a bloke down
at the "Cricketers" the other night talkin' about the same thing - a
chap as takes a interest in politics and the like, and 'e said the
very same as me.  Why, the number of men what's been throwed out of
work by all this 'ere new-fangled machinery is something chronic!'

`Of course,' agreed Easton, `everyone knows it.'

`You ought to give us a look in at the "Cricketers" some night.
There's a lot of decent chaps comes there.'

`Yes, I think I will.'

`What 'ouse do you usually use?' asked Crass after a pause.

Easton laughed.  `Well, to tell you the truth I've not used anywhere's
lately.  Been 'avin too many 'ollerdays.'

`That do make a bit of difference, don't it?' said Crass.  `But you'll
be all right 'ere, till this job's done.  Just watch yerself a bit,
and don't get comin' late in the mornin's.  Old Nimrod's dead nuts on

`I'll see to that all right,' replied Easton.  `I don't believe in
losing time when there IS work to do.  It's bad enough when you can't
get it.'

`You know,' Crass went on, confidentially.  `Between me an' you an'
the gatepost, as the sayin' is, I don't think Mr bloody Owen will be
'ere much longer.  Nimrod 'ates the sight of 'im.'

Easton had it in his mind to say that Nimrod seemed to hate the sight
of all of them: but he made no remark, and Crass continued:

`'E's 'eard all about the way Owen goes on about politics and
religion, an' one thing an' another, an' about the firm scampin' the
work.  You know that sort of talk don't do, does it?'

`Of course not.'

`'Unter would 'ave got rid of 'im long ago, but it wasn't 'im as took
'im on in the first place.  It was Rushton 'imself as give 'im a
start.  It seems Owen took a lot of samples of 'is work an' showed 'em
to the Bloke.'

`Is them the things wot's 'angin' up in the shop-winder?'

`Yes!' said Crass, contemptuously.  `But 'e's no good on plain work.
Of course 'e does a bit of grainin' an' writin' - after a fashion -
when there's any to do, and that ain't often, but on plain work, why,
Sawkins is as good as 'im for most of it, any day!'

`Yes, I suppose 'e is,' replied Easton, feeling rather ashamed of
himself for the part he was taking in this conversation.

Although he had for the moment forgotten the existence of Bert, Crass
had instinctively lowered his voice, but the boy - who had left off
working to warm his hands by putting them into his trousers pockets -
managed, by listening attentively, to hear every word.

`You know there's plenty of people wouldn't give the firm no more work
if they knowed about it,' Crass continued.  `Just fancy sendin' a b--r
like that to work in a lady's or gentleman's 'ouse - a bloody

`Yes, it is a bit orf, when you look at it like that.'

`I know my missis - for one - wouldn't 'ave a feller like that in our
place.  We 'ad a lodger once and she found out that 'e was a
freethinker or something, and she cleared 'im out, bloody quick, I can
tell yer!'

`Oh, by the way,' said Easton, glad of an opportunity to change the
subject, `you don't happen to know of anyone as wants a room, do you?
We've got one more than we want, so the wife thought that we might as
well let it.'

Crass thought for a moment.  `Can't say as I do,' he answered,
doubtfully.  `Slyme was talking last week about leaving the place 'e's
lodging at, but I don't know whether 'e's got another place to go to.
You might ask him.  I don't know of anyone else.'

`I'll speak to 'im,' replied Easton.  `What's the time? it must be
nearly on it.'

`So it is: just on eight,' exclaimed Crass, and drawing his whistle he
blew a shrill blast upon it to apprise the others of the fact.

`Has anyone seen old Jack Linden since 'e got the push?' inquired
Harlow during breakfast.

`I seen 'im Saterdy,' said Slyme.

`Is 'e doin' anything?'

`I don't know: I didn't 'ave time to speak to 'im.'

`No, 'e ain't got nothing,' remarked Philpot.  `I seen 'im Saterdy
night, an' 'e told me 'e's been walkin' about ever since.'

Philpot did not add that he had `lent' Linden a shilling, which he
never expected to see again.

`'E won't be able to get a job again in a 'urry,' remarked Easton.
`'E's too old.'

`You know, after all, you can't blame Misery for sackin' 'im,' said
Crass after a pause.  `'E was too slow for a funeral.'

`I wonder how much YOU'LL be able to do when you're as old as he is?'
said Owen.

`P'raps I won't want to do nothing,' replied Crass with a feeble
laugh.  `I'm goin' to live on me means.'

`I should say the best thing old Jack could do would be to go in the
union,' said Harlow.

`Yes: I reckon that's what'll be the end of it,' said Easton in a
matter-of-fact tone.

`It's a grand finish, isn't it?' observed Owen.  `After working hard
all one's life to be treated like a criminal at the end.'

`I don't know what you call bein' treated like criminals,' exclaimed
Crass.  `I reckon they 'as a bloody fine time of it, an' we've got to
find the money.'

`Oh, for God's sake don't start no more arguments,' cried Harlow,
addressing Owen.  `We 'ad enough of that last week.  You can't expect
a boss to employ a man when 'e's too old to work.'

`Of course not,' said Crass.

Philpot said - nothing.

`I don't see no sense in always grumblin',' Crass proceeded.  `These
things can't be altered.  You can't expect there can be plenty of work
for everyone with all this 'ere labour-savin' machinery what's been

`Of course,' said Harlow, `the people what used to be employed on the
work what's now done by machinery, has to find something else to do.
Some of 'em goes to our trade, for instance: the result is there's too
many at it, and there ain't enough work to keep 'em all goin'.'

`Yes,' cried Crass, eagerly.  `That's just what I say.  Machinery is
the real cause of the poverty.  That's what I said the other day.'

`Machinery is undoubtedly the cause of unemployment,' replied Owen,
`but it's not the cause of poverty: that's another matter altogether.'

The others laughed derisively.

`Well, it seems to me to amount to the same thing,' said Harlow, and
nearly everyone agreed.

`It doesn't seem to me to amount to the same thing,' Owen replied.
`In my opinion, we are all in a state of poverty even when we have
employment - the condition we are reduced to when we're out of work is
more properly described as destitution.'

`Poverty,' continued Owen after a short silence, `consists in a
shortage of the necessaries of life.  When those things are so scarce
or so dear that people are unable to obtain sufficient of them to
satisfy all their needs, those people are in a condition of poverty.
If you think that the machinery, which makes it possible to produce
all the necessaries of life in abundance, is the cause of the
shortage, it seems to me that there must be something the matter with
your minds.'

`Oh, of course we're all bloody fools except you,' snarled Crass.
`When they were servin' out the sense, they give you such a 'ell of a
lot, there wasn't none left for nobody else.'

`If there wasn't something wrong with your minds,' continued Owen,
`you would be able to see that we might have "Plenty of Work" and yet
be in a state of destitution.  The miserable wretches who toil sixteen
or eighteen hours a day - father, mother and even the little children
- making match-boxes, or shirts or blouses, have "plenty of work", but
I for one don't envy them.  Perhaps you think that if there was no
machinery and we all had to work thirteen or fourteen hours a day in
order to obtain a bare living, we should not be in a condition of
poverty?  Talk about there being something the matter with your minds!
If there were not, you wouldn't talk one day about Tariff Reform as a
remedy for unemployment and then the next day admit that Machinery is
the cause of it!  Tariff Reform won't do away with the machinery, will

`Tariff Reform is the remedy for bad trade,' returned Crass.

`In that case Tariff Reform is the remedy for a disease that does not
exist.  If you would only take the trouble to investigate for yourself
you would find out that trade was never so good as it is at present:
the output - the quantity of commodities of every kind - produced in
and exported from this country is greater than it has ever been
before.  The fortunes amassed in business are larger than ever before:
but at the same time - owing, as you have just admitted - to the
continued introduction and extended use of wages-saving machinery, the
number of human beings being employed is steadily decreasing.  I have
here,' continued Owen, taking out his pocket-book, `some figures which
I copied from the Daily Mail Year Book for 1907, page 33:

`"It is a very noticeable fact that although the number of factories
and their value have vastly increased in the United Kingdom, there is
an absolute decrease in the number of men and women employed in those
factories between 1895 and 1901.  This is doubtless due to the
displacement of hand labour by machinery!"

`Will Tariff Reform deal with that?  Are the good, kind capitalists
going to abandon the use of wages-saving machinery if we tax all
foreign-made goods?  Does what you call "Free Trade" help us here?  Or
do you think that abolishing the House of Lords, or disestablishing
the Church, will enable the workers who are displaced to obtain
employment?  Since it IS true - as you admit - that machinery is the
principal cause of unemployment, what are you going to do about it?
What's your remedy?'

No one answered, because none of them knew of any remedy: and Crass
began to feel sorry that he had re-introduced the subject at all.

`In the near future,' continued Owen, `it is probable that horses will
be almost entirely superseded by motor cars and electric trams.  As
the services of horses will be no longer required, all but a few of
those animals will be caused to die out: they will no longer be bred
to the same extent as formerly.  We can't blame the horses for
allowing themselves to be exterminated.  They have not sufficient
intelligence to understand what's being done.  Therefore they will
submit tamely to the extinction of the greater number of their kind.

`As we have seen, a great deal of the work which was formerly done by
human beings is now being done by machinery.  This machinery belongs
to a few people: it is worked for the benefit of those few, just the
same as were the human beings it displaced.  These Few have no longer
any need of the services of so many human workers, so they propose to
exterminate them!  The unnecessary human beings are to be allowed to
starve to death!  And they are also to be taught that it is wrong to
marry and breed children, because the Sacred Few do not require so
many people to work for them as before!'

`Yes, and you'll never be able to prevent it, mate!' shouted Crass.

`Why can't we?'

`Because it can't be done!' cried Crass fiercely.  `It's impossible!'

`You're always sayin' that everything's all wrong,' complained Harlow,
`but why the 'ell don't you tell us 'ow they're goin' to be put

`It doesn't seem to me as if any of you really wish to know.  I
believe that even if it were proved that it could be done, most of you
would be sorry and would do all you could to prevent it.'

`'E don't know 'isself,' sneered Crass.  `Accordin' to 'im, Tariff
Reform ain't no bloody good - Free Trade ain't no bloody good, and
everybody else is wrong!  But when you arst 'im what ought to be done
- 'e's flummoxed.'

Crass did not feel very satisfied with the result of this machinery
argument, but he consoled himself with the reflection that he would be
able to flatten out his opponent on another subject.  The cutting from
the Obscurer which he had in his pocket would take a bit of answering!
When you have a thing in print - in black and white - why there it is,
and you can't get away from it!  If it wasn't right, a paper like that
would never have printed it.  However, as it was now nearly half past
eight, he resolved to defer this triumph till another occasion.  It
was too good a thing to be disposed of in a hurry.

Chapter 8

The Cap on the Stairs

After breakfast, when they were working together in the drawing-room,
Easton, desiring to do Owen a good turn, thought he would put him on
his guard, and repeated to him in a whisper the substance of the
conversation he had held with Crass concerning him.

`Of course, you needn't mention that I told you, Frank,' he said, `but
I thought I ought to let you know: you can take it from me, Crass
ain't no friend of yours.'

`I've know that for a long time, mate,' replied Owen.  `Thanks for
telling me, all the same.'

`The bloody rotter's no friend of mine either, or anyone else's, for
that matter,' Easton continued, `but of course it doesn't do to fall
out with 'im because you never know what he'd go and say to ol'

`Yes, one has to remember that.'

`Of course we all know what's the matter with 'im as far as YOU'RE
concerned,' Easton went on.  `He don't like 'avin' anyone on the firm
wot knows more about the work than 'e does 'imself - thinks 'e might
git worked out of 'is job.'

Owen laughed bitterly.

`He needn't be afraid of ME on THAT account.  I wouldn't have his job
if it were offered to me.'

`But 'e don't think so,' replied Easton, `and that's why 'e's got 'is
knife into you,'

`I believe that what he said about Hunter is true enough,' said Owen.
`Every time he comes here he tries to goad me into doing or saying
something that would give him an excuse to tell me to clear out.  I
might have done it before now if I had not guessed what he was after,
and been on my guard.'

Meantime, Crass, in the kitchen, had resumed his seat by the fire with
the purpose of finishing his pipe of tobacco.  Presently he took out
his pocket-book and began to write in it with a piece of black-lead
pencil.  When the pipe was smoked out he knocked the bowl against the
grate to get rid of the ash, and placed the pipe in his waistcoat
pocket.  Then, having torn out the leaf on which he had been writing,
he got up and went into the pantry, where Bert was still struggling
with the old whitewash.

`Ain't yer nearly finished?  I don't want yer to stop in 'ere all day,
yer know.'

`I ain't got much more to do now,' said the boy.  `Just this bit under
the bottom shelf and then I'm done.'

`Yes, and a bloody fine mess you've made, what I can see of it!'
growled Crass.  `Look at all this water on the floor!'

Bert looked guiltily at the floor and turned very red.

`I'll clean it all up', he stammered.  `As soon as I've got this bit
of wall done, I'll wipe all the mess up with the swab.'

Crass now took a pot of paint and some brushes and, having put some
more fuel on the fire, began in a leisurely way to paint some of the
woodwork in the kitchen.  Presently Bert came in.

`I've finished there,' he said.

`About time, too.  You'll 'ave to look a bit livelier than you do, you
know, or me and you will fall out.'

Bert did not answer.

`Now I've got another job for yer.  You're fond of drorin, ain't yer?'
continued Crass in a jeering tone.

`Yes, a little,' replied the boy, shamefacedly.

`Well,' said Crass, giving him the leaf he had torn out of the
pocket-book, `you can go up to the yard and git them things and put
'em on a truck and dror it up 'ere, and git back as soon as you can.
Just look at the paper and see if you understand it before you go.  I
don't want you to make no mistakes.'

Bert took the paper and with some difficulty read as follows:

    I pare steppes 8 foot
    1/2 gallon Plastor off perish
    1 pale off witewosh
    12 lbs wite led
    1/2 gallon Linsede Hoil
    Do. Do. turps

`I can make it out all right.'

`You'd better bring the big truck,' said Crass, `because I want you to
take the venetian blinds with you on it when you take it back tonight.
They've got to be painted at the shop.'

`All right.'

When the boy had departed Crass took a stroll through the house to see
how the others were getting on.  Then he returned to the kitchen and
proceeded with his work.

Crass was about thirty-eight years of age, rather above middle height
and rather stout.  He had a considerable quantity of curly black hair
and wore a short beard of the same colour.  His head was rather large,
but low, and flat on top.  When among his cronies he was in the habit
of referring to his obesity as the result of good nature and a
contented mind.  Behind his back other people attributed it to beer,
some even going to far as to nickname him the `tank'.

There was no work of a noisy kind being done this morning.  Both the
carpenters and the bricklayers having been taken away, temporarily, to
another `job'.  At the same time there was not absolute silence:
occasionally Crass could hear the voices of the other workmen as they
spoke to each other, sometimes shouting from one room to another.  Now
and then Harlow's voice rang through the house as he sang snatches of
music-hall songs or a verse of a Moody and Sankey hymn, and
occasionally some of the others joined in the chorus or interrupted
the singer with squeals and catcalls.  Once or twice Crass was on the
point of telling them to make less row: there would be a fine to do if
Nimrod came and heard them.  Just as he had made up his mind to tell
them to stop the noise, it ceased of itself and he heard loud

`Look out!  Someone's comin'.'

The house became very quiet.

Crass put out his pipe and opened the window and the back door to get
rid of the smell of the tobacco smoke.  Then he shifted the pair of
steps noisily, and proceeded to work more quickly than before.  Most
likely it was old Misery.

He worked on for some time in silence, but no one came to the kitchen:
whoever it was must have gone upstairs.  Crass listened attentively.
Who could it be?  He would have liked to go to see whom it was, but at
the same time, if it were Nimrod, Crass wished to be discovered at
work.  He therefore waited a little longer and presently he heard the
sound of voices upstairs but was unable to recognize them.  He was
just about to go out into the passage to listen, when whoever it was
began coming downstairs.  Crass at once resumed his work.  The
footsteps came along the passage leading to the kitchen: slow, heavy,
ponderous footsteps, but yet the sound was not such as would be made
by a man heavily shod.  It was not Misery, evidently.

As the footsteps entered the kitchen, Crass looked round and beheld a
very tall, obese figure, with a large, fleshy, coarse-featured,
clean-shaven face, and a great double chin, the complexion being of
the colour and appearance of the fat of uncooked bacon.  A very large
fleshy nose and weak-looking pale blue eyes, the slightly inflamed
lids being almost destitute of eye-lashes.  He had large fat feet
cased in soft calfskin boots, with drab-coloured spats.  His overcoat,
heavily trimmed with sealskin, reached just below the knees, and
although the trousers were very wide they were filled by the fat legs
within, the shape of the calves being distinctly perceptible.  Even as
the feet seemed about to burst the uppers of the boots, so the legs
appeared to threaten the trousers with disruption.  This man was so
large that his figure completely filled up the doorway, and as he came
in he stooped slightly to avoid damaging the glittering silk hat on
his head.  One gloved hand was thrust into the pocket of the overcoat
and in the other he carried a small Gladstone bag.

When Crass beheld this being, he touched his cap respectfully.

`Good morning, sir!'

`Good morning.  They told me upstairs that I should find the foreman
here.  Are you the foreman?'

`Yes, sir.'

`I see you're getting on with the work here.'

`Ho yes sir, we're beginning to make a bit hov a show now, sir,'
replied Crass, speaking as if he had a hot potato in his mouth.

`Mr Rushton isn't here yet, I suppose?'

`No, sir: 'e don't horfun come hon the job hin the mornin, sir; 'e
generally comes hafternoons, sir, but Mr 'Unter's halmost sure to be
'ere presently, sir.'

`It's Mr Rushton I want to see: I arranged to meet him here at ten
o'clock; but' - looking at his watch - `I'm rather before my time.'

`He'll be here presently, I suppose,' added Mr Sweater.  `I'll just
take a look round till he comes.'

`Yes, sir,' responded Crass, walking behind him obsequiously as he
went out of the room.

Hoping that the gentleman might give him a shilling, Crass followed
him into the front hall and began explaining what progress had so far
been made with the work, but as Mr Sweater answered only by
monosyllables and grunts, Crass presently concluded that his
conversation was not appreciated and returned to the kitchen.

Meantime, upstairs, Philpot had gone into Newman's room and was
discussing with him the possibility of extracting from Mr Sweater the
price of a little light refreshment.

`I think,' he remarked, `that we oughter see-ise this 'ere
tuneropperty to touch 'im for an allowance.'

`We won't git nothin' out of 'IM, mate,' returned Newman.  `'E's a
red-'ot teetotaller.'

`That don't matter.  'Ow's 'e to know that we buys beer with it?  We
might 'ave tea, or ginger ale, or lime-juice and glycerine for all 'e

Mr Sweater now bgan ponderously re-ascending the stairs and presently
came into the room where Philpot was.  The latter greeted him with
respectful cordiality:

`Good morning, sir.'

`Good morning.  You've begun painting up here, then.'

`Yes, sir, we've made a start on it,' replied Philpot, affably.

`Is this door wet?' asked Sweater, glancing apprehensively at the
sleeve of his coat.

`Yes, sir,' answered Philpot, and added, as he looked meaningly at the
great man, `the paint is wet, sir, but the PAINTERS is dry.'

`Confound it!' exclaimed Sweater, ignoring, or not hearing the latter
part of Philpot's reply.  `I've got some of the beastly stuff on my
coat sleeve.'

`Oh, that's nothing, sir,' cried Philpot, secretly delighted.  `I'll
get that orf for yer in no time.  You wait just 'arf a mo!'

He had a piece of clean rag in his tool bag, and there was a can of
turps in the room.  Moistening the rag slightly with turps he
carefully removed the paint from Sweater's sleeve.

`It's all orf not, sir,' he remarked, as he rubbed the place with a
dry part of the rag.  `The smell of the turps will go away in about a
hour's time.'

`Thanks,' said Sweater.

Philpot looked at him wistfully, but Sweater evidently did not
understand, and began looking about the room.

`I see they've put a new piece of skirting here,' he observed.

`Yes, sir,' said Newman, who came into the room just then to get the
turps.  `The old piece was all to bits with dry-rot.'

`I feel as if I 'ad a touch of the dry-rot meself, don't you?' said
Philpot to Newman, who smiled feebly and cast a sidelong glance at
Sweater, who did not appear to notice the significance of the remark,
but walked out of the room and began climbing up to the next floor,
where Harlow and Sawkins were working.

`Well, there's a bleeder for yer!' said Philpot with indignation.
`After all the trouble I took to clean 'is coat!  Not a bloody stiver!
Well, it takes the cake, don't it?'

`I told you 'ow it would be, didn't I?' replied Newman.

`P'raps I didn't make it plain enough,' said Philpot, thoughtfully.
`We must try to get some of our own back somehow, you know.'

Going out on the landing he called softly upstairs.

`I say, Harlow.'

`Hallo,' said that individual, looking over the banisters.

`'Ow are yer getting on up there?'

`Oh, all right, you know.'

`Pretty dry job, ain't it?' Philpot continued, raising his voice a
little and winking at Harlow.

`Yes, it is, rather,' replied Harlow with a grin.

`I think this would be a very good time to take up the collection,
don't you?'

`Yes, it wouldn't be a bad idear.'

`Well, I'll put me cap on the stairs,' said Philpot, suiting the
action to the word.  `You never knows yer luck.  Things is gettin' a
bit serious on this floor, you know; my mate's fainted away once

Philpot now went back to his room to await developments: but as
Sweater made no sign, he returned to the landing and again hailed

`I always reckon a man can work all the better after 'e's 'ad a drink:
you can seem to get over more of it, like.'

`Oh, that's true enough,' responded Harlow.  `I've often noticed it

Sweater came out of the front bedroom and passed into one of the back
rooms without any notice of either of the men.

`I'm afraid it's a frost, mate,' Harlow whispered, and Philpot,
shaking his head sadly, returned to work; but in a little while he
came out again and once more accosted Harlow.

`I knowed a case once,' he said in a melancholy tone, `where a chap
died - of thirst - on a job just like this; and at the inquest the
doctor said as 'arf a pint would 'a saved 'im!'

`It must 'ave been a norrible death,' remarked Harlow.

`'Orrible ain't the work for it, mate,' replied Philpot, mournfully.
`It was something chronic!'

After this final heartrending appeal to Sweater's humanity they
returned to work, satisfied that, whatever the result of their
efforts, they had done their best.  They had placed the matter fully
and fairly before him: nothing more could be said: the issue now
rested entirely with him.

But it was all in vain.  Sweater either did not or would not
understand, and when he came downstairs he took no notice whatever of
the cap which Philpot had placed so conspicuously in the centre of the
landing floor.

Chapter 9

Who is to Pay?

Sweater reached the hall almost at the same moment that Rushton
entered by the front door.  They greeted each other in a friendly way
and after a few remarks concerning the work that was being done, they
went into the drawing-room where Owen and Easton were and Rushton

`What about this room?  Have you made up your mind what you're going
to have done to it?'

`Yes,' replied Sweater; `but I'll tell you about that afterwards.
What I'm anxious about is the drains.  Have you brought the plans?'


`What's it going to cost?'

`Just wait a minute,' said Rushton, with a slight gesture calling
Sweater's attention to the presence of the two workmen.  Sweater

`You might leave that for a few minutes, will you?' Rushton continued,
addressing Owen and Easton.  `Go and get on with something else for a
little while.'

When they were alone, Rushton closed the door and remarked: `It's
always as well not to let these fellows know more than is necessary.'

Sweater agreed.

`Now this 'ere drain work is really two separate jobs,' said Rushton.
`First, the drains of the house: that is, the part of the work that'
actually on your ground.  When that's done, there will 'ave to be a
pipe carried right along under this private road to the main road to
connect the drains of the house with the town main.  You follow me?'

`Perfectly.  What's it going to cost for the lot?'

`For the drains of the house, 25.0.0. and for the connecting pipe
30.0.0.  55.0.0. for the lot.'

`Um!  That the lower you can do it for, eh?'

`That's the lowest.  I've figured it out most carefully, the time and
materials, and that's practically all I'm charging you.'

The truth of the matter was that Rushton had had nothing whatever to
do with estimating the cost of this work: he had not the necessary
knowledge to do so.  Hunter had drawn the plans, calculated the cost
and prepared the estimate.

`I've been thinking over this business lately,' said Sweater, looking
at Rushton with a cunning leer.  `I don't see why I should have to pay
for the connecting pipe.  The Corporation ought to pay for that.  What
do you say?'

Rushton laughed.  `I don't see why not,' he replied.

`I think we could arrange it all right, don't you?' Sweater went on.
`Anyhow, the work will have to be done, so you'd better let 'em get on
with it.  55.0.0. covers both jobs, you say?'


`Oh, all right, you get on with it and we'll see what can be done with
the Corporation later on.'

`I don't suppose we'll find 'em very difficult to deal with,' said
Rushton with a grin, and Sweater smiled agreement.

As they were passing through the hall they met Hunter, who had just
arrived.  He was rather surprised to see them, as he knew nothing of
their appointment.  He wished them `Good morning' in an awkward
hesitating undertone as if he were doubtful how his greeting would be
received.  Sweater nodded slightly, but Rushton ignored him altogether
and Nimrod passed on looking and feeling like a disreputable cur that
had just been kicked.

As Sweater and Rushton walked together about the house, Hunter hovered
about them at a respectable distance, hoping that presently some
notice might be taken of him.  His dismal countenance became even
longer than usual when he observed that they were about to leave the
house without appearing even to know that he was there.  However, just
as they were going out, Rushton paused on the threshold and called

`Mr Hunter!'

`Yes, sir.'

Nimrod ran to him like a dog taken notice of by his master: if he had
possessed a tail, it is probable that he would have wagged it.
Rushton gave him the plans with an intimation that the work was to be
proceeded with.

For some time after they were gone, Hunter crawled silently about the
house, in and out of the rooms, up and down the corridors  and the
staircases.  After a while he went into the room where Newman was and
stood quietly watching him for about ten minutes as he worked.  The
man was painting the skirting, and just then he came to a part that
was split in several places, so he took his knife and began to fill
the cracks with putty.  He was so nervous under Hunter's scrutiny that
his hand trembled to such an extent that it took him about twice as
long as it should have done, and Hunter told him so with brutal

`Never mind about puttying up such little cracks as them!' he shouted.
`Fill 'em up with the paint.   We can't afford to pay you for messing
about like that!'

Newman made no reply.

Misery found no excuse for bullying anyone else, because they were all
tearing into it for all they were worth.  As he wandered up and down
the house like an evil spirit, he was followed by the furtively
unfriendly glances of the men, who cursed him in their hearts as he

He sneaked into the drawing-room and after standing with a malignant
expression, silently watching Owen and Easton, he came out again
without having uttered a word.

Although he frequently acted in this manner, yet somehow today the
circumstance worried Owen considerably.  He wondered uneasily what it
meant, and began to feel vaguely apprehensive.  Hunter's silence seemed
more menacing than his speech.

Chapter 10

The Long Hill

Bert arrived at the shop and with as little delay as possible loaded
up the handcart with all the things he had been sent for and start on
the return journey.  He got on all right in the town, because the
roads were level and smooth, being paved with wood blocks.  If it had
only been like that all the way it would have been easy enough,
although he was a small boy for such a large truck, and such a heavy
load.  While the wood road lasted the principal trouble he experienced
was the difficulty of seeing where he was going, the handcart being so
high and himself so short.  The pair of steps on the cart of course
made it all the worse in that respect.  However, by taking great care
he managed to get through the town all right, although he narrowly
escaped colliding with several vehicles, including two or three motor
cars and an electric tram, besides nearly knocking over an old woman
who was carrying a large bundle of washing.  From time to time he saw
other small boys of his acquaintance, some of them former schoolmates.
Some of these passed by carrying heavy loads of groceries in baskets,
and others with wooden trays full of joints of meat.

Unfortunately, the wood paving ceased at the very place where the
ground began to rise.  Bert now found himself at the beginning of a
long stretch of macadamized road which rose slightly and persistently
throughout its whole length.  Bert had pushed a cart up this road many
times before and consequently knew the best method of tackling it.
Experience had taught him that a full frontal attack on this hill was
liable to failure, so on this occasion he followed his usual plan of
making diagonal movements, crossing the road repeatedly from right to
left and left to right, after the fashion of a sailing ship tacking
against the wind, and halting about every twenty yards to rest and
take breath.  The distance he was to go was regulated, not so much by
his powers of endurance as by the various objects by the wayside - the
lamp-posts, for instance.  During each rest he used to look ahead and
select a certain lamp-post or street corner as the next
stopping-place, and when he start again he used to make the most
strenuous and desperate efforts to reach it.

Generally the goal he selected was too distant, for he usually
overestimated his strength, and whenever he was forced to give in he
ran the truck against the kerb and stood there panting for breath and
feeling profoundly disappointed at his failure.

On the present occasion, during one of these rests, it flashed upon
him that he was being a very long time: he would have to buck up or he
would get into a row: he was not even half-way up the road yet!

Selecting a distant lamp-post, he determined to reach it before
resting again.

The cart had a single shaft with a cross-piece at the end, forming the
handle: he gripped this fiercely with both hands and, placing his
chest against it, with a mighty effort he pushed the cart before him.

It seemed to get heavier and heavier every foot of the way.  His whole
body, but especially the thighs and calves of his legs, pained
terribly, but still he strained and struggled and said to himself that
he would not give in until he reached the lamp-post.

Finding that the handle hurt his chest, he lowered it to his waist,
but that being even more painful he raised it again to his chest, and
struggled savagely on, panting for breath and with his heart beating

The cart became heavier and heavier.  After a while it seemed to the
boy as if there were someone at the front of it trying to push him
back down the hill.  This was such a funny idea that for a moment he
felt inclined to laugh, but the inclination went almost as soon as it
came and was replaced by the dread that he would not be able to hold
out long enough to reach the lamp-post, after all.  Clenching his
teeth, he made a tremendous effort and staggered forward two or three
more steps and then - the cart stopped.  He struggled with it
despairingly for a few seconds, but all the strength had suddenly gone
out of him: his legs felt so weak that he nearly collapsed on to the
ground, and the cart began to move backwards down the hill.  He was
just able to stick to it and guide it so that it ran into and rested
against the kerb, and then he stood holding it in a half-dazed way,
very pale, saturated with perspiration, and trembling.  His legs in
particular shook so much that he felt that unless he could sit down
for a little, he would FALL down.

He lowered the handle very carefully so as not to spill the whitewash
out of the pail which was hanging from a hook under the cart, then,
sitting down on the kerbstone, he leaned wearily against the wheel.

A little way down the road was a church with a clock in the tower.  It
was five minutes to ten by this clock.  Bert said to himself that when
it was ten he would make another start.

Whilst he was resting he thought of many things.  Just behind that
church was a field with several ponds in it where he used to go with
other boys to catch effets.  It if were not for the cart he would go
across now, to see whether there were any there still.  He remembered
that he had been very eager to leave school and go to work, but they
used to be fine old times after all.

Then he thought of the day when his mother took him to Mr Rushton's
office to `bind' him.  He remembered that day very vividly: it was
almost a year ago.  How nervous he had been!  His hand had trembled so
that he was scarcely able to hold the pen.  And even when it was all
over, they had both felt very miserable, somehow.  His mother had been
very nervous in the office also, and when they got home she cried a
lot and called him her poor little fatherless boy, and said she hoped
he would be good and try to learn.  And then he cried as well, and
promised her that he would do his best.  He reflected with pride that
he was keeping his promise about being a good boy and trying to learn:
in fact, he knew a great deal about the trade already - he could paint
back doors as well as anybody! and railings as well.  Owen had taught
him lots of things and had promised to do some patterns of graining
for him so that he might practise copying them at home in the
evenings.  Owen was a fine chap.  Bert resolved that he would tell him
what Crass had been saying to Easton.  Just fancy, the cheek of a
rotter like Crass, trying to get Owen the sack!  It would be more like
it if Crass was to be sacked himself, so that Owen could be the

One minute to ten.

With a heavy heart Bert watched the clock.  His legs were still aching
very badly.  He could not see the hands of the clock moving, but they
were creeping on all the same.  Now, the minute hand was over the edge
of the number, and he began to deliberate whether he might not rest
for another five minutes?  But he had been such a long time already on
his errand that he dismissed the thought.  The minute hand was now
upright and it was time to go on.

Just as he was about to get up a harsh voice behind him said:

`How much longer are you going to sit there?'

Bert started up guiltily, and found himself confronted by Mr Rushton,
who was regarding him with an angry frown, whilst close by towered the
colossal figure of the obese Sweater, the expression on his greasy
countenance betokening the pain he experienced on beholding such as
appalling example of juvenile depravity.

`What do you mean by sich conduct?' demanded Rushton, indignantly.
`The idear of sitting there like that when most likely the men are
waiting for them things?'

Crimson with shame and confusion, the boy made no reply.

`You've been there a long time,' continued Rushton, `I've been
watchin' you all the time I've been comin' down the road.'

Bert tried to speak to explain why he had been resting, but his mouth
and his tongue had become quite parched from terror and he was unable
to articulate a single word.

`You know, that's not the way to get on in life, my boy,' observed
Sweater lifting his forefinger and shaking his fat head reproachfully.

`Get along with you at once!' Rushton said, roughly.  `I'm surprised
at yer!  The idear!  Sitting down in my time!'

This was quite true.  Rushton was not merely angry, but astonished at
the audacity of the boy.  That anyone in his employment should dare to
have the impertinence to sit down in his time was incredible.

The boy lifted the handle of the cart and once more began to push it
up the hill.  It seemed heavier now that ever, but he managed to get
on somehow.  He kept glancing back after Rushton and Sweater, who
presently turned a corner and were lost to view: then he ran the cart
to the kerb again to have a breathe.  He couldn't have kept up much
further without a spell even if they had still been watching him, but
he didn't rest for more than about half a minute this time, because he
was afraid they might be peeping round the corner at him.

After this he gave up the lamp-post system and halted for a minute or
so at regular short intervals.  In this way, he at length reached the
top of the hill, and with a sigh of relief congratulated himself that
the journey was practically over.

Just before he arrived at the gate of the house, he saw Hunter sneak
out and mount his bicycle and ride away.  Bert wheeled his cart up to
the front door and began carrying in the things.  Whilst thus engaged
he noticed Philpot peeping cautiously over the banisters of the
staircase, and called out to him:

`Give us a hand with this bucket of whitewash, will yer, Joe?'

`Certainly, me son, with the greatest of hagony,' replied Philpot as
he hurried down the stairs.

As they were carrying it in Philpot winked at Bert and whispered:

`Did yer see Pontius Pilate anywheres outside?'

`'E went away on 'is bike just as I come in at the gate.'

`Did 'e?  Thank Gord for that!  I don't wish 'im no 'arm,' said
Philpot, fervently, `but I 'opes 'e gets runned over with a motor.'

In this wish Bert entirely concurred, and similar charitable
sentiments were expressed by all the others as soon as they heard that
Misery was gone.

Just before four o'clock that afternoon Bert began to load up the
truck with the venetian blinds, which had been taken down some days

`I wonder who'll have the job of paintin' 'em?' remarked Philpot to

`P'raps's they'll take a couple of us away from ere.'

`I shouldn't think so.  We're short-'anded 'ere already.  Most likely
they'll put on a couple of fresh 'ands.  There's a 'ell of a lot of
work in all them blinds, you know: I reckon they'll 'ave to 'ave there
or four coats, the state they're in.'

`Yes.  No doubt that's what will be done,' replied Newman, and added
with a mirthless laugh:

`I don't suppose they'll have much difficulty in getting a couple of

`No, you're right, mate.  There's plenty of 'em walkin' about as a
week's work would be a Gordsend to.'

`Come to think of it,' continued Newman after a pause, `I believe the
firm used to give all their blind work to old Latham, the venetian
blind maker.  Prap's they'll give 'im this lot to do.'

`Very likely,' replied Philpot, `I should think 'e can do 'em cheaper
even than us chaps, and that's all the firm cares about,'

How far their conjectures were fulfilled will appear later.

Shortly after Bert was gone it became so dark that it was necessary to
light the candles, and Philpot remarked that although he hated working
under such conditions, yet he was always glad when lighting up time
came, because then knocking off time was not very far behind.

About five minutes to five, just as they were all putting their things
away for the night, Nimrod suddenly appeared in the house.  He had
come hoping to find some of them ready dressed to go home before the
proper time.  Having failed in this laudable enterprise, he stood
silently by himself for some seconds in the drawing-room.  This was a
spacious and lofty apartment with a large semicircular bay window.
Round the ceiling was a deep cornice.  In the semi-darkness the room
appeared to be of even greater proportions than it really was.  After
standing thinking in this room for a little while, Hunter turned and
strode out to the kitchen, where the men were preparing to go home.
Owen was taking off his blouse and apron as the other entered.  Hunter
addressed him with a malevolent snarl:

`You can call at the office tonight as you go home.'

Owen's heart seemed to stop beating.  All the petty annoyances he had
endured from Hunter rushed into his memory, together with what Easton
had told him that morning.  He stood, still and speechless, holding
his apron in his hand and staring at the manager.

`What for?' he ejaculated at length.  `What's the matter?'

`You'll find out what you're wanted for when you get there,' returned
Hunter as he went out of the room and away from the house.

When he was gone a dead silence prevailed.  The hands ceased their
preparations for departure and looked at each other and at Owen in
astonishment.  To stand a man off like that - when the job was not
half finished - and for no apparent reason: and of a Monday, too.  It
was unheard of.  There was a general chorus of indignation.  Harlow
and Philpot especially were very wroth.

`If it comes to that,' Harlow shouted, `they've got no bloody right to
do it!  We're entitled to an hour's notice.'

`Of course we are!' cried Philpot, his goggle eyes rolling wildly with
wrath.  `And I should 'ave it too, if it was me.  You take my tip,
Frank: CHARGE UP TO SIX O'CLOCK on yer time sheet and get some of your
own back.'

Everyone joined in the outburst of indignant protest.  Everyone, that
is, except Crass and Slyme.  But then they were not exactly in the
kitchen: they were out in the scullery putting their things away, and
so it happened that they said nothing, although they exchanged
significant looks.

Owen had by this time recovered his self-possession.  He collected all
his tools and put them with his apron and blouse into his tool-bag
with the purpose of taking them with him that night, but on reflection
he resolved not to do so.  After all, it was not absolutely certain
that he was going to be `stood off': possibly they were going to send
him on some other job.

They kept all together - some walking on the pavement and some in the
road - until they got down town, and then separated.  Crass, Sawkins,
Bundy and Philpot adjourned to the `Cricketers' for a drink, Newman
went on by himself, Slyme accompanied Easton who had arranged with him
to come that night to see the bedroom, and Owen went in the direction
of the office.

Chapter 11

Hands and Brains

Rushton & Co.'s premises were situated in one of the principal streets
of Mugsborough and consisted of a double-fronted shop with plate glass
windows.  The shop extended right through to the narrow back street
which ran behind it.  The front part of the shop was stocked with
wall-hangings, mouldings, stands showing patterns of embossed wall and
ceiling decorations, cases of brushes, tins of varnish and enamel, and
similar things.

The office was at the rear and was separated from the rest of the shop
by a partition, glazed with muranese obscured glass.  This office had
two doors, one in the partition, giving access to the front shop, and
the other by the side of the window and opening on to the back street.
The glass of the lower sash of the back window consisted of one large
pane on which was painted `Rushton & Co.' in black letters on a white

Owen stood outside this window for two or three seconds before
knocking.  There was a bright light in the office.  Then he knocked at
the door, which was at once opened from the inside by Hunter, and Owen
went in.

Rushton was seated in an armchair at his desk, smoking a cigar and
reading one of several letters that were lying before him.  At the
back was a large unframed photograph of the size known as half-plate
of the interior of some building.  At another desk, or rather table,
at the other side of the office, a young woman was sitting writing in
a large ledger.  There was a typewriting machine on the table at her

Rushton glanced up carelessly as Owen came in, but took no further
notice of him.

`Just wait a minute,' Hunter said to Owen, and then, after conversing
in a low tone with Rushton for a few minutes, the foreman put on his
hat and went out of the office through the partition door which led
into the front shop.

Owen stood waiting for Rushton to speak.  He wondered why Hunter had
sneaked off and felt inclined to open the door and call him back.  One
thing he was determined about: he meant to have some explanation: he
would not submit tamely to be dismissed without any just reason.

When he had finished reading the letter, Rushton looked up, and,
leaning comfortably back in his chair, he blew a cloud of smoke from
his cigar, and said in an affable, indulgent tone, such as one might
use to a child:

`You're a bit of a hartist, ain't yer?'

Owen was so surprised at this reception that he was for the moment
unable to reply.

`You know what I mean,' continued Rushton; `decorating work, something
like them samples of yours what's hanging up there.'

He noticed the embarrassment of Owen's manner, and was gratified.  He
thought the man was confused at being spoken to by such a superior
person as himself.

Mr Rushton was about thirty-five years of age, with light grey eyes,
fair hair and moustache, and his complexion was a whitey drab.  He was
tall - about five feet ten inches - and rather clumsily built; not
corpulent, but fat - in good condition.  He appeared to be very well
fed and well cared for generally.  His clothes were well made, of good
quality and fitted him perfectly.  He was dressed in a grey Norfolk
suit, dark brown boots and knitted woollen stockings reaching to the

He was a man who took himself very seriously.  There was an air of
pomposity and arrogant importance about him which - considering who
and what he was - would have been entertaining to any observer gifted
with a sense of humour.

`Yes,' replied Owen at last.  `I can do a little of that sort of work,
although of course I don't profess to be able to do it as well or as
quickly as a man who does nothing else.'

`Oh, no, of course not, but I think you could manage this all right.
It's that drawing-room at the `Cave'.  Mr Sweater's been speaking to
me about it.  It seems that when he was over in Paris some time since
he saw a room that took his fancy.  The walls and ceiling was not
papered, but painted: you know what I mean; sort of panelled out, and
decorated with stencils and hand painting.  This 'ere's a photer of
it: it's done in a sort of JAPANESE fashion.'

He handed the photograph to Owen as he spoke.  It represented a room,
the walls and ceiling of which were decorated in a Moorish style.

`At first Mr Sweater thought of getting a firm from London to do it,
but 'e gave up the idear on account of the expense; but if you can do
it so that it doesn't cost too much, I think I can persuade 'im to go
in for it.  But if it's goin' to cost a lot it won't come off at all.
'E'll just 'ave a frieze put up and 'ave the room papered in the
ordinary way.'

This was not true: Rushton said it in case Owen might want to be paid
extra wages while doing the work.  The truth was that Sweater was
going to have the room decorated in any case, and intended to get a
London firm to do it.  He had consented rather unwillingly to let
Rushton & Co. submit him an estimate, because he thought they would
not be able to do the work satisfactorily.

Owen examined the photograph closely.

`Could you do anything like that in that room?'

`Yes, I think so,' replied Owen.

`Well, you know, I don't want you to start on the job and not be able
to finish it.  Can you do it or not?'

Rushton felt sure that Owen could do it, and was very desirous that he
should undertake it, but he did not want him to know that.  He wished
to convey the impression that he was almost indifferent whether Owen
did the work or not.  In fact, he wished to seem to be conferring a
favour upon him by procuring him such a nice job as this.

`I'll tell you what I CAN do,' Owen replied.  `I can make you a
watercolour sketch - a design - and if you think it good enough, of
course, I can reproduce it on the ceiling and the walls, and I can let
you know, within a little, how long it will take.'

Rushton appeared to reflect.  Owen stood examining the photograph and
began to feel an intense desire to do the work.

Rushton shook his head dubiously.

`If I let you spend a lot of time over the sketches and then Mr
Sweater does not approve of your design, where do I come in?'

`Well, suppose we put it like this: I'll draw the design at home in
the evenings - in my own time.  If it's accepted, I'll charge you for
the time I've spent upon it.  If it's not suitable, I won't charge the
time at all.'

Rushton brightened up considerably.  `All right.  You can do so,' he
said with an affectation of good nature, `but you mustn't pile it on
too thick, in any case, you know, because, as I said before, 'e don't
want to spend too much money on it.  In fact, if it's going to cost a
great deal 'e simply won't 'ave it done at all.'

Rushton knew Owen well enough to be sure that no consideration of time
or pains would prevent him from putting the very best that was in him
into this work.  He knew that if the man did the room at all there was
no likelihood of his scamping it for the sake of getting it done
quickly; and for that matter Rushton did not wish him to hurry over
it.  All that he wanted to do was to impress upon Owen from the very
first that he must not charge too much time.  Any profit that it was
possible to make out of the work, Rushton meant to secure for himself.
He was a smart man, this Rushton, he possessed the ideal character:
the kind of character that is necessary for any man who wishes to
succeed in business - to get on in life.  In other words, his
disposition was very similar to that of a pig - he was intensely

No one had any right to condemn him for this, because all who live
under the present system practise selfishness, more or less.  We must
be selfish: the System demands it.  We must be selfish or we shall be
hungry and ragged and finally die in the gutter.  The more selfish we
are the better off we shall be.  In the `Battle of Life' only the
selfish and cunning are able to survive: all others are beaten down
and trampled under foot.  No one can justly be blamed for acting
selfishly - it is a matter of self-preservation - we must either
injure or be injured.  It is the system that deserves to be blamed.
What those who wish to perpetuate the system deserve is another

`When do you think you'll have the drawings ready?' inquired Rushton.
`Can you get them done tonight?'

`I'm afraid not,' replied Owen, feeling inclined to laugh at the
absurdity of the question.  `It will need a little thinking about.'

`When can you have them ready then?  This is Monday.  Wednesday

Owen hesitated.

`We don't want to keep 'im waiting too long, you know, or 'e may give
up the idear altogether.'

`Well, sat Friday morning, then,' said Owen, resolving that he would
stay up all night if necessary to get it done.

Rushton shook his head.

`Can't you get it done before that?  I'm afraid that if we keeps 'im
waiting all that time we may lose the job altogether.'

`I can't get them done any quicker in my spare time,' returned Owen,
flushing.  `If you like to let me stay home tomorrow and charge the
time the same as if I had gone to work at the house, I could go to my
ordinary work on Wednesday and let you have the drawings on Thursday

`Oh, all right,' said Rushton as he returned to the perusal of his

That night, long after his wife and Frankie were asleep, Owen worked
in the sitting-room, searching through old numbers of the Decorators'
Journal and through the illustrations in other books of designs for
examples of Moorish work, and making rough sketches in pencil.

He did not attempt to finish anything yet: it was necessary to think
first; but he roughed out the general plan, and when at last he did go
to bed he could not sleep for a long time.  He almost fancied he was
in the drawing-room at the `Cave'.  First of all it would be necessary
to take down the ugly plaster centre flower with its crevices all
filled up with old whitewash.  The cornice was all right; it was
fortunately a very simple one, with a deep cove and without many
enrichments.  Then, when the walls and the ceiling had been properly
prepared, the ornamentation would be proceeded with.  The walls,
divided into panels and arches containing painted designs and
lattice-work; the panels of the door decorated in a similar manner.
The mouldings of the door and window frames picked out with colours
and gold so as to be in character with the other work; the cove of the
cornice, a dull yellow with a bold ornament in colour - gold was not
advisable in the hollow because of the unequal distribution of the
light, but some of the smaller mouldings of the cornice should be
gold.  On the ceiling there would be one large panel covered with an
appropriate design in gold and colours and surrounded by a wide margin
or border.  To separate this margin from the centre panel there would
be a narrow border, and another border - but wider - round the outer
edge of the margin, where the ceiling met the cornice.  Both these
borders and the margin would be covered with ornamentation in colour
and gold.  Great care would be necessary when deciding what parts were
to be gilded because - whilst large masses of gilding are apt to look
garish and in bad taste - a lot of fine gold lines are ineffective,
especially on a flat surface, where they do not always catch the
light.  Process by process he traced the work, and saw it advancing
stage by stage until, finally, the large apartment was transformed and
glorified.  And then in the midst of the pleasure he experienced in
the planning of the work there came the fear that perhaps they would
not have it done at all.

The question, what personal advantage would he gain never once
occurred to Owen.  He simply wanted to do the work; and he saw so
fully occupied with thinking and planning how it was to be done that
the question of profit was crowded out.

But although this question of what profit could be made out of the
work never occurred to Owen, it would in due course by fully
considered by Mr Rushton.  In fact, it was the only thing about the
work that Mr Rushton would think of at all: how much money could be
made out of it.  This is what is meant by the oft-quoted saying, `The
men work with their hands - the master works with his brains.'

Chapter 12

The Letting of the Room

It will be remembered that when the men separated, Owen going to the
office to see Rushton, and the others on their several ways, Easton
and Slyme went together.

During the day Easton had found an opportunity of speaking to him
about the bedroom.  Slyme was about to leave the place where he was at
present lodging, and he told Easton that although he had almost
decided on another place he would take a look at the room.  At Easton's
suggestion they arranged that Slyme was to accompany him home that
night.  As the former remarked, Slyme could come to see the place, and
if he didn't like it as well as the other he was thinking of taking,
there was no harm done.

Ruth had contrived to furnish the room.  Some of the things she had
obtained on credit from a second-hand furniture dealer.  Exactly how
she had managed, Easton did not know, but it was done.

`This is the house,' said Easton.  As they passed through, the gate
creaked loudly on its hinges and then closed of itself rather noisily.

Ruth had just been putting the child to sleep and she stood up as they
came in, hastily fastening the bodice of her dress as she did so.

`I've brought a gentleman to see you,' said Easton.

Although she knew that he was looking out for someone for the room,
Ruth had not expected him to bring anyone home in this sudden manner,
and she could not help wishing that he had told her beforehand of his
intention.  It being Monday, she had been very busy all day and she
was conscious that she was rather untidy in her appearance.  Her long
brown hair was twisted loosely into a coil behind her head.  She
blushed in an embarrassed way as the young man stared at her.

Easton introduced Slyme by name and they shook hands; and then at
Ruth's suggestion Easton took a light to show him the room, and while
they were gone Ruth hurriedly tidied her hair and dress.

When they came down again Slyme said he thought the room would suit
him very well.  What were the terms?

Did he wish to take the room only - just to lodge? inquired Ruth, or
would he prefer to board as well?

Slyme intimated that he desired the latter arrangement.

In that case she thought twelve shillings a week would be fair.  She
believed that was about the usual amount.  Of course that would
include washing, and if his clothes needed a little mending she would
do it for him.

Slyme expressed himself satisfied with these terms, which were as Ruth
had said - about the usual ones.  He would take the room, but he was
not leaving his present lodgings until Saturday.  It was therefore
agreed that he was to bring his box on Saturday evening.

When he had gone, Easton and Ruth stood looking at each other in
silence.  Ever since this plan of letting the room first occurred to
them they had been very anxious to accomplish it; and yet, now that it
was done, they felt dissatisfied and unhappy, as if they had suddenly
experienced some irreparable misfortune.  In that moment they
remembered nothing of the darker side of their life together.  The
hard times and the privations were far off and seemed insignificant
beside the fact that this stranger was for the future to share their
home.  To Ruth especially it seemed that the happiness of the past
twelve months had suddenly come to an end.  She shrank with
involuntary aversion and apprehension from the picture that rose
before her of the future in which this intruder appeared the most
prominent figure, dominating everything and interfering with every
detail of their home life.  Of course they had known all this before,
but somehow it had never seemed so objectionable as it did now, and as
Easton thought of it he was filled an unreasonable resentment against
Slyme, as if the latter had forced himself upon them against their

`Damn him!' he thought.  `I wish I'd never brought him here at all!'

Ruth did not appear to him to be very happy about it either.

`Well?' he said at last.  `What do you think of him?'

`Oh, he'll be all right, I suppose.'

`For my part, I wish he wasn't coming,' Easton continued.

`That's just what I was thinking,' replied Ruth dejectedly.  `I don't
like him at all.  I seemed to turn against him directly he came in the

`I've a good mind to back out of it, somehow, tomorrow,' exclaimed
Easton after another silence.  `I could tell him we've unexpectedly
got some friends coming to stay with us.'

`Yes,' said Ruth eagerly.  `It would be easy enough to make some
excuse or other.'

As this way of escape presented itself she felt as if a weight had
been lifted from her mind, but almost in the same instant she
remembered the reasons which had at first led them to think of letting
the room, and she added, disconsolately:

`It's foolish for us to go on like this, dear.  We must let the room
and it might just as well be him as anyone else.  We must make the
best of it, that's all.'

Easton stood with his back to the fire, staring gloomily at her.

`Yes, I suppose that's the right way to look at it,' he replied at
length.  `If we can't stand it, we'll give up the house and take a
couple of rooms, or a small flat - if we can get one.'

Ruth agreed, although neither alternative was very inviting.  The
unwelcome alteration in their circumstances was after all not
altogether without its compensations, because from the moment of
arriving at this decision their love for each other seemed to be
renewed and intensified.  They remembered with acute regret that
hitherto they had not always fully appreciated the happiness of that
exclusive companionship of which there now remained to them but one
week more.  For once the present was esteemed at its proper value,
being invested with some of the glamour which almost always envelops
the past.

Chapter 13

Penal Servitude and Death

On Tuesday - the day after his interview with Rushton - Owen remained
at home working at the drawings.  He did not get them finished, but
they were so far advanced that he thought he would be able to complete
them after tea on Wednesday evening.  He did not go to work until
after breakfast on Wednesday and his continued absence served to
confirm the opinion of the other workmen that he had been discharged.
This belief was further strengthened by the fact that a new hand had
been sent to the house by Hunter, who came himself also at about a
quarter past seven and very nearly caught Philpot in the act of

During breakfast, Philpot, addressing Crass and referring to Hunter,
inquired anxiously:

`'Ow's 'is temper this mornin', Bob?'

`As mild as milk,' replied Crass.  `You'd think butter wouldn't melt
in 'is mouth.'

`Seemed quite pleased with 'isself, didn't 'e?' said Harlow.

`Yes,' remarked Newman.  `'E said good morning to me!'

`So 'e did to me!' said Easton.  `'E come inter the drorin'-room an'
'e ses, "Oh, you're in 'ere are yer, Easton," 'e ses - just like that,
quite affable like.  So I ses, "Yes, sir."  "Well," 'e ses, "get it
slobbered over as quick as you can," 'e ses, "'cos we ain't got much
for this job: don't spend a lot of time puttying up.  Just smear it
over an' let it go!"'

`'E certinly seemed very pleased about something,' said Harlow.  `I
thought prap's there was a undertaking job in: one o' them generally
puts 'im in a good humour.'

`I believe that nothing would please 'im so much as to see a epidemic
break out,' remarked Philpot.  `Small-pox, Hinfluenza, Cholery morbus,
or anything like that.'

`Yes: don't you remember 'ow good-tempered 'e was last summer when
there was such a lot of Scarlet Fever about?' observed Harlow.

`Yes,' said Crass with a chuckle.  `I recollect we 'ad six children's
funerals to do in one week.  Ole Misery was as pleased as Punch,
because of course as a rule there ain't many boxin'-up jobs in the
summer.  It's in winter as hundertakers reaps their 'arvest.'

`We ain't 'ad very many this winter, though, so far,' said Harlow.

`Not so many as usual,' admitted Crass, `but still, we can't grumble:
we've 'ad one nearly every week since the beginning of October.
That's not so bad, you know.'

Crass took a lively interest in the undertaking department of Rushton
& Co.'s business.  He always had the job of polishing or varnishing
the coffin and assisting to take it home and to `lift in' the corpse,
besides acting as one of the bearers at the funeral.  This work was
more highly paid for than painting.

`But I don't think there's no funeral job in,' added Crass after a
pause.  `I think it's because 'e's glad to see the end of Owen, if yeh
ask me.'

`Praps that 'as got something to do with it,' said Harlow.  `But all
the same I don't call that a proper way to treat anyone - givin' a man
the push in that way just because 'e 'appened to 'ave a spite against

`It's wot I call a bl--dy shame!' cried Philpot.  `Owen's a chap wots
always ready to do a good turn to anybody, and 'e knows 'is work,
although 'e is a bit of a nuisance sometimes, I must admit, when 'e
gets on about Socialism.'

`I suppose Misery didn't say nothin' about 'im this mornin'?' inquired

`No,' replied Crass, and added: `I only 'ope Owen don't think as I
never said anything against 'im.  'E looked at me very funny that
night after Nimrod went away.  Owen needn't think nothing like that
about ME, because I'm a chap like this - if I couldn't do nobody no
good, I wouldn't never do 'em no 'arm!'

At this some of the others furtively exchanged significant glances,
and Harlow began to smile, but no one said anything.

Philpot, noticing that the newcomer had not helped himself to any tea,
called Bert's attention to the fact and the boy filled Owen's cup and
passed it over to the new hand.

Their conjectures regarding the cause of Hunter's good humour were all
wrong.  As the reader knows, Owen had not been discharged at all, and
there was nobody dead.  The real reason was that, having decided to
take on another man, Hunter had experienced no difficulty in getting
one at the same reduced rate as that which Newman was working for,
there being such numbers of men out of employment.  Hitherto the usual
rate of pay in Mugsborough had been sevenpence an hour for skilled
painters.  The reader will remember that Newman consented to accept a
job at sixpence halfpenny.  So far none of the other workmen knew that
Newman was working under price: he had told no one, not feeling sure
whether he was the only one or not.  The man whom Hunter had taken on
that morning also decided in his mind that he would keep his own
counsel concerning what pay he was to receive, until he found out what
the others were getting.

Just before half past eight Owen arrived and was immediately assailed
with questions as to what had transpired at the office.  Crass
listened with ill-concealed chagrin to Owen's account, but most of the
others were genuinely pleased.

`But what a way to speak to anybody!' observed Harlow, referring to
Hunter's manner on the previous Monday night.

`You know, I reckon if ole Misery 'ad four legs, 'e'd make a very good
pig,' said Philpot, solemnly, `and you can't expect nothin' from a pig
but a grunt.'

During the morning, as Easton and Owen were working together in the
drawing-room, the former remarked:

`Did I tell you I had a room I wanted to let, Frank?'

`Yes, I think you did.'

`Well, I've let it to Slyme.  I think he seems a very decent sort of
chap, don't you?'

`Yes, I suppose he is,' replied Owen, hesitatingly.  `I know nothing
against him.'

`Of course, we'd rather 'ave the 'ouse to ourselves if we could afford
it, but work is so scarce lately.  I've been figuring out exactly what
my money has averaged for the last twelve months and how much a week
do you think it comes to?'

`God only knows,' said Owen.  `How much?'

`About eighteen bob.'

`So you see we had to do something,' continued Easton; `and I reckon
we're lucky to get a respectable sort of chap like Slyme, religious
and teetotal and all that, you know.  Don't you think so?'

`Yes, I suppose you are,' said Owen, who, although he intensely
disliked Slyme, knew nothing definite against him.

They worked in silence for some time, and then Owen said:

`At the present time there are thousands of people so badly off that,
compared with them, WE are RICH.  Their sufferings are so great that
compared with them, we may be said to be living in luxury.  You know
that, don't you?'

`Yes, that's true enough, mate.  We really ought to be very thankful:
we ought to consider ourselves lucky to 'ave a inside job like this
when there's such a lot of chaps walkin' about doin' nothing.'

`Yes,' said Owen: `we're lucky!  Although we're in a condition of
abject, miserable poverty we must consider ourselves lucky that we're
not actually starving.'

Owen was painting the door; Easton was doing the skirting.  This work
caused no noise, so they were able to converse without difficulty.

`Do you think it's right for us to tamely make up our minds to live
for the rest of our lives under such conditions as that?'

`No; certainly not,' replied Easton; `but things are sure to get
better presently.  Trade hasn't always been as bad as it is now.  Why,
you can remember as well as I can a few years ago there was so much
work that we was putting in fourteen and sixteen hours a day.  I used
to be so done up by the end of the week that I used to stay in bed
nearly all day on Sunday.'

`But don't you think it's worth while trying to find out whether it's
possible to so arrange things that we may be able to live like
civilized human beings without being alternately worked to death or

`I don't see how we're goin' to alter things,' answered Easton.  `At
the present time, from what I hear, work is scarce everywhere.  WE
can't MAKE work, can we?'

`Do you think, then, that the affairs of the world are something like
the wind or the weather - altogether beyond our control?  And that if
they're bad we can do nothing but just sit down and wait for them to
get better?'

`Well, I don't see 'ow we can odds it.  If the people wot's got the
money won't spend it, the likes of me and you can't make 'em, can we?'

Owen looked curiously at Easton.

`I suppose you're about twenty-six now,' he said.  `That means that
you have about another thirty years to live.  Of course, if you had
proper food and clothes and hadn't to work more than a reasonable
number of hours every day, there is no natural reason why you should
not live for another fifty or sixty years: but we'll say thirty.  Do
you mean to say that you are able to contemplate with indifference the
prospect of living for another thirty years under such conditions as
those we endure at present?'

Easton made no reply.

`If you were to commit some serious breach of the law, and were
sentenced next week to ten years' penal servitude, you'd probably
think your fate a very pitiable one: yet you appear to submit quite
cheerfully to this other sentence, which is - that you shall die a
premature death after you have done another thirty years' hard

Easton continued painting the skirting.

`When there's no work,' Owen went on, taking another dip of paint as
he spoke and starting on one of the lower panels of the door, `when
there's no work, you will either starve or get into debt.  When - as
at present - there is a little work, you will live in a state of
semi-starvation.  When times are what you call "good", you will work
for twelve or fourteen hours a day and - if you're VERY lucky -
occasionally all night.  The extra money you then earn will go to pay
your debts so that you may be able to get credit again when there's no

Easton put some putty in a crack in the skirting.

`In consequence of living in this manner, you will die at least twenty
years sooner than is natural, or, should you have an unusually strong
constitution and live after you cease to be able to work, you will be
put into a kind of jail and treated like a criminal for the remainder
of your life.'

Having faced up the cracks, Easton resumed the painting of the

`If it were proposed to make a law that all working men and women were
to be put to death - smothered, or hung, or poisoned, or put into a
lethal chamber - as soon as they reached the age of fifty years, there
is not the slightest doubt that you would join in the uproar of
protest that would ensue.  Yet you submit tamely to have your life
shortened by slow starvation, overwork, lack of proper boots and
clothing, and though having often to turn out and go to work when you
are so ill that you ought to be in bed receiving medical care.'

Easton made no reply: he knew that all this was true, but he was not
without a large share of the false pride which prompts us to hide our
poverty and to pretend that we are much better off than we really are.
He was at that moment wearing the pair of second-hand boots that Ruth
had bought for him, but he had told Harlow - who had passed some
remark about them - that he had had them for years, wearing them only
for best.  He felt very resentful as he listened to the other's talk,
and Owen perceived it, but nevertheless he continued:

`Unless the present system is altered, that is all we have to look
forward to; and yet you're one of the upholders of the present system
- you help to perpetuate it!'

`'Ow do I help to perpetuate it?' demanded Easton.

`By not trying to find out how to end it - by not helping those who
are trying to bring a better state of things into existence.  Even if
you are indifferent to your own fate - as you seem to be - you have no
right to be indifferent to that of the child for whose existence in
this world you are responsible.  Every man who is not helping to bring
about a better state of affairs for the future is helping to perpetuate
the present misery, and is therefore the enemy of his own children.
There is no such thing as being natural: we must either help or

As Owen opened the door to paint its edge, Bert came along the

`Look out!' he cried, `Misery's comin' up the road.  'E'll be 'ere in
a minit.'

It was not often that Easton was glad to hear of the approach of
Nimrod, but on this occasion he heard Bert's message with a sigh of

`I say,' added the boy in a whisper to Owen, `if it comes orf - I mean
if you gets the job to do this room - will you ask to 'ave me along of

`Yes, all right, sonny,' replied Owen, and Bert went off to warn the

`Unaware that he had been observed, Nimrod sneaked stealthily into the
house and began softly crawling about from room to room, peeping
around corners and squinting through the cracks of doors, and looking
through keyholes.  He was almost pleased to see that everybody was
very hard at work, but on going into Newman's room Misery was not
satisfied with the progress made since his last visit.  The fact was
that Newman had been forgetting himself again this morning.  He had
been taking a little pains with the work, doing it something like
properly, instead of scamping and rushing it in the usual way.  The
result was that he had not done enough.

`You know, Newman, this kind of thing won't do!' Nimrod howled.  `You
must get over a bit more than this or you won't suit me!  If you can't
move yourself a bit quicker I shall 'ave to get someone else.  You've
been in this room since seven o'clock this morning and it's dam near
time you was out of it!'

Newman muttered something about being nearly finished now, and Hunter
ascended to the next landing - the attics, where the cheap man -
Sawkins, the labourer - was at work.  Harlow had been taken away from
the attics to go on with some of the better work, so Sawkins was now
working alone.  He had been slogging into it like a Trojan and had
done quite a lot.  He had painted not only the sashes of the window,
but also a large part of the glass, and when doing the skirting he had
included part of the floor, sometimes an inch, sometimes half an inch.

The paint was of a dark drab colour and the surface of the newly
painted doors bore a strong resemblance to corduroy cloth, and from
the bottom corners of nearly every panel there was trickling down a
large tear, as if the doors were weeping for the degenerate condition
of the decorative arts.  But these tears caused to throb of pity in
the bosom of Misery: neither did the corduroy-like surface of the work
grate upon his feelings.  He perceived them not.  He saw only that
there was a Lot of Work done and his soul was filled with rapture as
he reflected that the man who had accomplished all this was paid only
fivepence an hour.  At the same time it would never do to let Sawkins
know that he was satisfied with the progress made, so he said:

`I don't want you to stand too much over this up 'ere, you know,
Sawkins.  Just mop it over anyhow, and get away from it as quick as
you can.'

`All right, sir,' replied Sawkins, wiping the sweat from his brow as
Misery began crawling downstairs again.

`Where's Harlow go to, then?' he demanded of Philpot.  `'E wasn't 'ere
just now, when I came up.'

`'E's gorn downstairs, sir, out the back,' replied Joe, jerking his
thumb over his shoulder and winking at Hunter.  `'E'll be back in 'arf
a mo.'  And indeed at that moment Harlow was just coming upstairs

`'Ere, we can't allow this kind of thing in workin' hours, you know.'
Hunter bellowed.  `There's plenty of time for that in the dinner

Nimrod now went down to the drawing-room, which Easton and Owen had
been painting.  He stood here deep in thought for some time, mentally
comparing the quantity of work done by the two men in this room with
that done by Sawkins in the attics.  Misery was not a painter himself:
he was a carpenter, and he thought but little of the difference in the
quality of the work: to him it was all about the same: just plain

`I believe it would pay us a great deal better,' he thought to
himself, `if we could get hold of a few more lightweights like
Sawkins.'  And with his mind filled with this reflection he shortly
afterwards sneaked stealthily from the house.

Chapter 14

Three Children. The Wages of Intelligence

Owen spent the greater part of the dinner hour by himself in the
drawing-room making pencil sketches in his pocket-book and taking
measurements.  In the evening after leaving off, instead of going
straight home as usual he went round to the Free Library to see if he
could find anything concerning Moorish decorative work in any of the
books there.  Although it was only a small and ill-equipped
institution he was rewarded by the discovery of illustrations of
several examples of which he made sketches.  After about an hour spent
this way, as he was proceeding homewards he observed two children - a
boy and a girl - whose appearance seemed familiar.  They were standing
at the window of a sweetstuff shop examining the wares exposed
therein.  As Owen came up the children turned round and the recognized
each other simultaneously.  They were Charley and Elsie Linden.  Owen
spoke to them as he drew near and the boy appealed to him for his
opinion concerning a dispute they had been having.

`I say, mister.  Which do you think is the best: a fardensworth of
everlasting stickjaw torfee, or a prize packet?'

`I'd rather have a prize packet,' replied Owen, unhesitatingly.

`There!  I told you so!' cried Elsie, triumphantly.

`Well, I don't care.  I'd sooner 'ave the torfee,' said Charley,

`Why, can't you agree which of the two to buy?'

`Oh no, it's not that,' replied Elsie.  `We was only just SUPPOSING
what we'd buy if we 'ad a fardin; but we're not really goin' to buy
nothing, because we ain't got no money.'

`Oh, I see,' said Owen.  `But I think *I* have some money,' and
putting his hand into his pocket he produced two halfpennies and gave
one to each of the children, who immediately went in to buy the toffee
and the prize packet, and when they came out he walked along with
them, as they were going in the same direction as he was: indeed, they
would have to pass by his house.

`Has your grandfather got anything to do yet?' he inquired as they
went along.

`No.  'E's still walkin' about, mister,' replied Charley.

When they reached Owen's door he invited them to come up to see the
kitten, which they had been inquiring about on the way.  Frankie was
delighted with these two visitors, and whilst they were eating some
home-made cakes that Nora gave them, he entertained them by displaying
the contents of his toy box, and the antics of the kitten, which was
the best toy of all, for it invented new games all the time: acrobatic
performances on the rails of chairs; curtain climbing; running slides
up and down the oilcloth; hiding and peeping round corners and under
the sofa.  The kitten cut so many comical capers, and in a little
while the children began to create such an uproar, that Nora had to
interfere lest the people in the flat underneath should be annoyed.

However, Elsie and Charley were not able to stay very long, because
their mother would be anxious about them, but they promised to come
again some other day to play with Frankie.

`I'm going to 'ave a prize next Sunday at our Sunday School,' said
Elsie as they were leaving.

`What are you going to get it for?' asked Nora.

`'Cause I learned my text properly.  I had to learn the whole of the
first chapter of Matthew by heart and I never made one single mistake!
So teacher said she'd give me a nice book next Sunday.'

`I 'ad one too, the other week, about six months ago, didn't I,
Elsie?' said Charley.

`Yes,' replied Elsie and added: `Do they give prizes at your Sunday
School, Frankie?'

`I don't go to Sunday School.'

`Ain't you never been?' said Charley in a tone of surprise.

`No,' replied Frankie.  `Dad says I have quite enough of school all
the week.'

`You ought to come to ours, man!' urged Charley.  `It's not like being
in school at all!  And we 'as a treat in the summer, and prizes and
sometimes a magic lantern 'tainment.  It ain't 'arf all right, I can
tell you.'

Frankie looked inquiringly at his mother.

`Might I go, Mum?'

`Yes, if you like, dear.'

`But I don't know the way.'

`Oh, it's not far from 'ere,' cried Charley.  `We 'as to pass by your
'ouse when we're goin', so I'll call for you on Sunday if you like.'

`It's only just round in Duke Street; you know, the "Shining Light
Chapel",' said Elsie.  `It commences at three o'clock.'

`All right,' said Nora.  `I'll have Frankie ready at a quarter to
three.  But now you must run home as fast as you can.  Did you like
those cakes?'

`Yes, thank you very much,' answered Elsie.

`Not 'arf!' said Charley.

`Does your mother make cakes for you sometimes?'

`She used to, but she's too busy now, making blouses and one thing and
another,' Elsie answered.

`I suppose she hasn't much time for cooking,' said Nora, `so I've
wrapped up some more of those cakes in this parcel for you to take
home for tomorrow.  I think you can manage to carry it all right,
can't you, Charley?'

`I think I'd better carry it myself,' said Elsie.  `Charley's SO
careless, he's sure to lose some of them.'

`I ain't no more careless than you are,' cried Charley, indignantly.
`What about the time you dropped the quarter of butter you was sent
for in the mud?'

`That wasn't carelessness: that was an accident, and it wasn't butter
at all: it was margarine, so there!'

Eventually it was arranged that they were to carry the parcel in
turns, Elsie to have first innings.  Frankie went downstairs to the
front door with them to see them off, and as they went down the street
he shouted after them:

`Mind you remember, next Sunday!'

`All right,' Charley shouted back.  `We shan't forget.'

On Thursday Owen stayed at home until after breakfast to finish the
designs which he had promised to have ready that morning.

When he took them to the office at nine o'clock, the hour at which he
had arranged to meet Rushton, the latter had not yet arrived, and he
did not put in an appearance until half an hour later.  Like the
majority of people who do brain work, he needed a great deal more rest
than those who do only mere physical labour.

`Oh, you've brought them sketches, I suppose,' he remarked in a surly
tone as he came in.  `You know, there was no need for you to wait: you
could 'ave left 'em 'ere and gone on to your job.'

He sat down at his desk and looked carelessly at the drawing that Owen
handed to him.  It was on a sheet of paper about twenty-four by
eighteen inches.  The design was drawn with pencil and one half of it
was coloured.

`That's for the ceiling,' said Owen.  `I hadn't time to colour all of

With an affectation of indifference, Rushton laid the drawing down and
took the other which Owen handed to him.

`This is for the large wall.  The same design would be adapted for the
other walls; and this one shows the door and the panels under the

Rushton expressed no opinion about the merits of the drawings.  He
examined them carelessly one after the other, and then, laying them
down, he inquired:

`How long would it take you to do this work - if we get the job?'

`About three weeks: say 150 hours.  That is - the decorative work
only.  Of course, the walls and ceiling would have to be painted
first: they will need three coats of white.'

Rushton scribbled a note on a piece of paper.

`Well,' he said, after a pause, `you can leave these 'ere and I'll see
Mr Sweater about it and tell 'im what it will cost, and if he decides
to have it done I'll let you know.'

He put the drawings aside with the air of a man who has other matters
to attend to, and began to open one of the several letters that were
on his desk.  He meant this as an intimation that the audience was at
an end and that he desired the `hand' to retire from the presence.
Owen understood this, but he did not retire, because it was necessary
to mention one or two things which Rushton would have to allow for
when preparing the estimate.

`Of course I should want some help,' he said.  `I should need a man
occasionally, and the boy most of the time.  Then there's the gold
leaf - say, fifteen books.'

`Don't you think it would be possible to use gold paint?'

`I'm afraid not.'

`Is there anything else?' inquired Rushton as he finished writing down
these items.

`I think that's all, except a few sheets of cartridge paper for
stencils and working drawings.  The quantity of paint necessary for
the decorative work will be very small.'

As soon as Owen was gone, Rushton took up the designs and examined
them attentively.

`These are all right,' he muttered.  `Good enough for anywhere.  If he
can paint anything like as well as this on the walls and ceiling of
the room, it will stand all the looking at that anyone in this town is
likely to give it.'

`Let's see,' he continued.  `He said three weeks, but he's so anxious
to do the job that he's most likely under-estimated the time; I'd
better allow four weeks: that means about 200 hours: 200 hours at
eight-pence: how much is that?  And say he has a painter to help him
half the time.  100 hours at sixpence-ha'penny.'

He consulted a ready reckoner that was on the desk.

`Time, 9.7.6.  Materials: fifteen books of gold, say a pound.  Then
there's the cartridge paper and the colours - say another pound, at
the outside.  Boy's time?  Well, he gets no wages as yet, so we
needn't mention that at all.  Then there's the preparing of the room.
Three coats of white paint.  I wish Hunter was here to give me an idea
what it will cost.'

As if in answer to his wish, Nimrod entered the office at that moment,
and in reply to Rushton's query said that to give the walls and
ceiling three coats of paint would cost about three pounds five for
time and material.  Between them the two brain workers figured that
fifteen pounds would cover the entire cost of the work - painting and

`Well, I reckon we can charge Sweater forty-five pounds for it,' said
Rushton.  `It isn't like an ordinary job, you know.  If he gets a
London firm to do it, it'll cost him double that, if not more.'

Having arrived at this decision, Rushton rung up Sweater's Emporium on
the telephone, and, finding that Mr Sweater was there, he rolled up
the designs and set out for that gentleman's office.

The men work with their hands, and the masters work with their brains.
What a dreadful calamity it would be for the world and for mankind if
all these brain workers were to go on strike.

Chapter 15

The Undeserving Persons and the Upper and Nether Millstones

Hunter had take on three more painters that morning.  Bundy and two
labourers had commenced the work of putting in the new drains; the
carpenters were back again doing some extra work, and there was also a
plumber working on the house; so there was quite a little crowd in the
kitchen at dinner-time.  Crass had been waiting for a suitable
opportunity to produce the newspaper cutting which it will be
remembered he showed to Easton on Monday morning, but he had waited in
vain, for there had been scarcely any `political' talk at meal-times
all the week, and it was now Thursday.  As far as Owen was concerned,
his thoughts were so occupied with the designs for the drawing-room
that he had no time for anything else, and most of the others were
only too willing to avoid a subject which frequently led to
unpleasantness.  As a rule Crass himself had no liking for such
discussion, but he was so confident of being able to `flatten out'
Owen with the cutting from the Obscurer that he had several times
tried to lead the conversation into the desired channel, but so far
without success.

During dinner - as they called it - various subjects were discussed.
Harlow mentioned that he had found traces of bugs in one of the
bedrooms upstairs and this called forth a number of anecdotes of those
vermin and of houses infested by them.  Philpot remembered working in
a house over at Windley; the people who lived in it were very dirty
and had very little furniture; no bedsteads, the beds consisting of
dilapidated mattresses and rags on the floor.  He declared that these
ragged mattresses used to wander about the rooms by themselves.  The
house was so full of fleas that if one placed a sheet of newspaper on
the floor one could hear and see them jumping on it.  In fact,
directly one went into that house one was covered from head to foot
with fleas!  During the few days he worked at that place, he lost
several pounds in weight, and of evenings as he walked homewards the
children and people in the streets, observing his ravaged countenance,
thought he was suffering from some disease and used to get out of his
way when they saw him coming.

There were several other of these narratives, four or five men talking
at the top of their voices at the same time, each one telling a
different story.  At first each story-teller addressed himself to the
company generally, but after a while, finding it impossible to make
himself heard, he would select some particular individual who seemed
disposed to listen and tell him the story.  It sometimes happened that
in the middle of the tale the man to whom it was being told would
remember a somewhat similar adventure of his own, which he would
immediately proceed to relate without waiting for the other to finish,
and each of them was generally so interested in the gruesome details
of his own story that he was unconscious of the fact that the other
was telling one at all.  In a contest of this kind the victory usually
went to the man with the loudest voice, but sometimes a man who had a
weak voice, scored by repeating the same tale several times until
someone heard it.

Barrington, who seldom spoke and was an ideal listener, was
appropriated by several men in succession, who each told him a
different yarn.  There was one man sitting on an up-ended pail in the
far corner of the room and it was evident from the movements of his
lips that he also was relating a story, although nobody knew what it
was about or heard a single word of it, for no one took the slightest
notice of him...

When the uproar had subsided Harlow remembered the case of a family
whose house got into such a condition that the landlord had given them
notice and the father had committed suicide because the painters had
come to turn 'em out of house and home.  There were a man, his wife
and daughter - a girl about seventeen - living in the house, and all
three of 'em used to drink like hell.  As for the woman, she COULD
shift it and no mistake!  Several times a day she used to send the
girl with a jug to the pub at the corner.  When the old man was out,
one could have anything one liked to ask for from either of 'em for
half a pint of beer, but for his part, said Harlow, he could never
fancy it.  They were both too ugly.

The finale of this tale was received with a burst of incredulous
laughter by those who heard it.

`Do you 'ear what Harlow says, Bob?' Easton shouted to Crass.

`No.  What was it?'

`'E ses 'e once 'ad a chance to 'ave something but 'e wouldn't take it
on because it was too ugly!'

`If it 'ad bin me, I should 'ave shut me bl--y eyes,' cried Sawkins.
`I wouldn't pass it for a trifle like that.'

`No,' said Crass amid laughter, `and you can bet your life 'e didn't
lose it neither, although 'e tries to make 'imself out to be so

`I always though old Harlow was a bl--y liar,' remarked Bundy, `but
now we knows 'e is.'

Although everyone pretended to disbelieve him, Harlow stuck to his
version of the story.

`It's not their face you want, you know,' added Bundy as he helped
himself to some more tea.

`I know it wasn't my old woman's face that I was after last night,'
observed Crass; and then he proceeded amid roars of laughter to give a
minutely detailed account of what had taken place between himself and
his wife after they had retired for the night.

This story reminded the man on the pail of a very strange dream he had
had a few weeks previously: `I dreamt I was walkin' along the top of a
'igh cliff or some sich place, and all of a sudden the ground give way
under me feet and I began to slip down and down and to save meself
from going over I made a grab at a tuft of grass as was growin' just
within reach of me 'and.  And then I thought that some feller was
'ittin me on the 'ead with a bl--y great stick, and tryin' to make me
let go of the tuft of grass.  And then I woke up to find my old woman
shouting out and punchin' me with 'er fists.  She said I was pullin'
'er 'air!'

While the room was in an uproar with the merriment induced by these
stories, Crass rose from his seat and crossed over to where his
overcoat was hanging on a nail in the wall, and took from the pocket a
piece of card about eight inches by about four inches.  One side of it
was covered with printing, and as he returned to his seat Crass called
upon the others to listen while he read it aloud.  He said it was one
of the best things he had ever seen: it had been given to him by a
bloke in the Cricketers the other night.

Crass was not a very good reader, but he was able to read this all
right because he had read it so often that he almost knew it by heart.
It was entitled `The Art of Flatulence', and it consisted of a number
of rules and definitions.  Shouts of laughter greeted the reading of
each paragraph, and when he had ended, the piece of dirty card was
handed round for the benefit of those who wished to read it for
themselves.  Several of the men, however, when it was offered to them,
refused to take it, and with evident disgust suggested that it should
be put into the fire.  This view did not commend itself to Crass, who,
after the others had finished with it, put it back in the pocket of
his coat.

Meanwhile, Bundy stood up to help himself to some more tea.  The cup he
was drinking from had a large piece broken out of one side and did not
hold much, so he usually had to have three or four helpings.

`Anyone else want any' he asked.

Several cups and jars were passed to him.  These vessels had been
standing on the floor, and the floor was very dirty and covered with
dust, so before dipping them into the pail, Bundy - who had been
working at the drains all morning - wiped the bottoms of the jars upon
his trousers, on the same place where he was in the habit of wiping
his hands when he happened to get some dirt on them.  He filled the
jars so full that as he held them by the rims and passed them to their
owners part of the contents slopped over and trickled through his
fingers.  By the time he had finished the floor was covered with
little pools of tea.

`They say that Gord made everything for some useful purpose,' remarked
Harlow, reverting to the original subject, `but I should like to know
what the hell's the use of sich things as bugs and fleas and the

`To teach people to keep theirselves clean, of course,' said Slyme.

`That's a funny subject, ain't it?' continued Harlow, ignoring Slyme's
answer.  `They say as all diseases is caused by little insects.  If
Gord 'adn't made no cancer germs or consumption microbes there
wouldn't be no cancer or consumption.'

`That's one of the proofs that there ISN'T an individual God,' said
Owen.  `If we were to believe that the universe and everything that
lives was deliberately designed and created by God, then we must also
believe that He made his disease germs you are speaking of for the
purpose of torturing His other creatures.'

`You can't tell me a bloody yarn like that,' interposed Crass,
roughly.  `There's a Ruler over us, mate, and so you're likely to find

`If Gord didn't create the world, 'ow did it come 'ere?' demanded

`I know no more about that than you do,' replied Owen.  `That is - I
know nothing.  The only difference between us is that you THINK you
know.  You think you know that God made the universe; how long it took
Him to do it; why He made it; how long it's been in existence and how
it will finally pass away.  You also imagine you know that we shall
live after we're dead; where we shall go, and the kind of existence we
shall have.  In fact, in the excess of your "humility", you think you
know all about it.  But really you know no more of these things than
any other human being does; that is, you know NOTHING.'

`That's only YOUR opinion,' said Slyme.

`If we care to take the trouble to learn,' Owen went on, `we can know
a little of how the universe has grown and changed; but of the
beginning we know nothing,'

`That's just my opinion, matey,' observed Philpot.  `It's just a
bloody mystery, and that's all about it.'

`I don't pretend to 'ave no 'ead knowledge,' said Slyme, `but 'ead
knowledge won't save a man's soul: it's 'EART knowledge as does that.
I knows in my 'eart as my sins is all hunder the Blood, and it's
knowin' that, wot's given 'appiness and the peace which passes all
understanding to me ever since I've been a Christian.'

`Glory, glory, hallelujah!' shouted Bundy, and nearly everyone

`"Christian" is right,' sneered Owen.  `You've got some title to call
yourself a Christian, haven't you?  As for the happiness that passes
all understanding, it certainly passes MY understanding how you can be
happy when you believe that millions of people are being tortured in
Hell; and it also passes my understanding why you are not ashamed of
yourself for being happy under such circumstances.'

`Ah, well, you'll find it all out when you come to die, mate,' replied
Slyme in a threatening tone.  `You'll think and talk different then!'

`That's just wot gets over ME,' observed Harlow.  `It don't  seem
right that after living in misery and poverty all our bloody lives,
workin' and slavin' all the hours that Gord A'mighty sends, that we're
to be bloody well set fire and burned in 'ell for all eternity!  It
don't seem feasible to me, you know.'

`It's my belief,' said Philpot, profoundly, `that when you're dead,
you're done for.  That's the end of you.'

`That's what *I* say,' remarked Easton.  `As for all this religious
business, it's just a money-making dodge.  It's the parson's trade,
just the same as painting is ours, only there's no work attached to it
and the pay's a bloody sight better than ours is.'

`It's their livin', and a bloody good livin' too, if you ask me,' said

`Yes,' said Harlow; `they lives on the fat o' the land, and wears the
best of everything, and they does nothing for it but talk a lot of
twaddle two or three times a week.  The rest of the time they spend
cadgin' money orf silly old women who thinks it's a sorter fire

`It's an old sayin' and a true one,' chimed in the man on the upturned
pail.  `Parsons and publicans is the worst enemies the workin' man
ever 'ad.  There may be SOME good 'uns, but they're few and far

`If I could only get a job like the Harchbishop of Canterbury,' said
Philpot, solemnly, `I'd leave this firm.'

`So would I,' said Harlow, `if I was the Harchbishop of Canterbury,
I'd take my pot and brushes down the office and shy 'em through the
bloody winder and tell ole Misery to go to 'ell.'

`Religion is a thing that don't trouble ME much,' remarked Newman;
`and as for what happens to you after death, it's a thing I believe in
leavin' till you comes to it - there's no sense in meetin' trouble
'arfway.  All the things they tells us may be true or they may not,
but it takes me all my time to look after THIS world.  I don't believe
I've been to church more than arf a dozen times since I've been
married - that's over fifteen years ago now - and then it's been when
the kids 'ave been christened.  The old woman goes sometimes and of
course the young 'uns goes; you've got to tell 'em something or other,
and they might as well learn what they teaches at the Sunday School as
anything else.'

A general murmur of approval greeted this.  It seemed to be the almost
unanimous opinion, that, whether it were true or not, `religion' was a
nice thing to teach children.

`I've not been even once since I was married,' said Harlow, `and I
sometimes wish to Christ I 'adn't gorn then.'

`I don't see as it matters a dam wot a man believes,' said Philpot,
`as long as you don't do no 'arm to nobody.  If you see a poor b--r
wot's down on 'is luck, give 'im a 'elpin' 'and.  Even if you ain't
got no money you can say a kind word.  If a man does 'is work and
looks arter 'is 'ome and 'is young 'uns, and does a good turn to a
fellow creature when 'e can, I reckon 'e stands as much chance of
getting into 'eaven - if there IS sich a place - as some of there 'ere
Bible-busters, whether 'e ever goes to church or chapel or not.'

These sentiments were echoed by everyone with the solitary exception
of Slyme, who said that Philpot would find out his mistake after he
was dead, when he would have to stand before the Great White Throne
for judgement!

`And at the Last Day, when yer sees the moon turned inter Blood,
you'll be cryin' hout for the mountings and the rocks to fall on yer
and 'ide yer from the wrath of the Lamb!'

The others laughed derisively.

`I'm a Bush Baptist meself,' remarked the man on the upturned pail.
This individual, Dick Wantley by name, was of what is usually termed a
`rugged' cast of countenance.  He reminded one strongly of an ancient
gargoyle, or a dragon.

Most of the hands had by now lit their pipes, but there were a few who
preferred chewing their tobacco.  As they smoked or chewed they
expectorated upon the floor or into the fire.  Wantley was one of
those who preferred chewing and he had been spitting upon the floor to
such an extent that he was by this time partly surrounded by a kind of
semicircular moat of dark brown spittle.

`I'm a Bush Baptist!' he shouted across the moat, `and you all knows
wot that is.'

This confession of faith caused a fresh outburst of hilarity, because
of course everyone knew what a Bush Baptist was.

`If 'evven's goin' to be full of sich b--r's as Hunter,' observed
Eaton, `I think I'd rather go to the other place.'

`If ever ole Misery DOES get into 'eaven,' said Philpot, `'e won't
stop there very long.  I reckon 'e'll be chucked out of it before 'e's
been there a week, because 'e's sure to start pinchin' the jewels out
of the other saints' crowns.'

`Well, if they won't 'ave 'im in 'eaven, I'm sure I don't know wot's
to become of 'im,' said Harlow with pretended concern, `because I
don't believe 'e'd be allowed into 'ell, now.'

`Why not?' demanded Bundy.  `I should think it's just the bloody place
for sich b--r's as 'im.'

`So it used to be at one time o' day, but they've changed all that
now.  They've 'ad a revolution down there: deposed the Devil, elected
a parson as President, and started puttin' the fire out.'

`From what I hears of it,' continued Harlow when the laughter had
ceased, `'ell is a bloody fine place to live in just now.  There's
underground railways and 'lectric trams, and at the corner of nearly
every street there's a sort of pub where you can buy ice-cream, lemon
squash, four ale, and American cold drinks; and you're allowed to sit
in a refrigerator for two hours for a tanner.'

Although they laughed and made fun of these things the reader must not
think that they really doubted the truth of the Christian religion,
because - although they had all been brought up by `Christian' parents
and had been `educated' in `Christian' schools - none of them knew
enough about Christianity to either really believe it or disbelieve
it.  The imposters who obtain a comfortable living by pretending to be
the ministers and disciples of the Workman of Nazareth are too cunning
to encourage their dupes to acquire anything approaching an
intelligent understanding of the subject.  They do not want people to
know or understand anything: they want them to have Faith - to believe
without knowledge, understanding, or evidence.  For years Harlow and
his mates - when children - had been `taught' `Christianity' in day
school, Sunday School and in church or chapel, and now they knew
practically nothing about it!  But they were `Christians' all the
same.  They believed that the Bible was the word of God, but they
didn't know where it came from, how long it had been in existence, who
wrote it, who translated it or how many different versions there were.
Most of them were almost totally unacquainted with the contents of the
book itself.  But all the same, they believed it - after a fashion.

`But puttin' all jokes aside,' said Philpot, `I can't believe there's
sich a place as 'ell.  There may be some kind of punishment, but I
don't believe it's a real fire.'

`Nor nobody else, what's got any sense,' replied Harlow,

`I believe as THIS world is 'ell,' said Crass, looking around with a
philosophic expression.  This opinion was echoed by most of the
others, although Slyme remained silent and Owen laughed.

`Wot the bloody 'ell are YOU laughin' at?' Crass demanded in an
indignant tone.

`I was laughing because you said you think this world is hell.'

`Well, I don't see nothing to laugh at in that,' said Crass.

`So it IS a 'ell,' said Easton.  `There can't be anywheres much worse
than this.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' said the man behind the moat.

`What I was laughing at is this,' said Owen.  `The present system of
managing the affairs of the world is so bad and has produced such
dreadful results that you are of the opinion that the earth is a hell:
and yet you are a Conservative!  You wish to preserve the present
system - the system which has made the world into a hell!'

`I thought we shouldn't get through the dinner hour without politics
if Owen was 'ere,' growled Bundy.  `Bloody sickenin' I call it.'

`Don't be 'ard on 'im,' said Philpot.  `'E's been very quiet for the
last few days.'

`We'll 'ave to go through it today, though,' remarked Harlow
despairingly.  `I can see it comin'.'

`I'M not goin' through it,' said Bundy, `I'm orf!'  And he accordingly
drank the remainder of his tea, closed his empty dinner basket and,
having placed it on the mantelshelf, made for the door.

`I'll leave you to it,' he said as he went out.  The others laughed.

Crass, remembering the cutting from the Obscurer that he had in his
pocket, was secretly very pleased at the turn the conversation was
taking.  He turned roughly on Owen:

`The other day, when we was talkin' about the cause of poverty, you
contradicted everybody.  Everyone else was wrong!  But you yourself
couldn't tell us what's the cause of poverty, could you?'

`I think I could.'

`Oh, of course, you think you know,' sneered Crass, `and of course you
think your opinion's right and everybody else's is wrong.'

`Yes,' replied Owen.

Several men expressed their abhorrence of this intolerant attitude of
Owen's, but the latter rejoined:

`Of course I think that my opinions are right and that everyone who
differs from me is wrong.  If I didn't think their opinions were wrong
I wouldn't differ from them.  If I didn't think my own opinions right
I wouldn't hold them.'

`But there's no need to keep on arguin' about it day after day,' said
Crass.  `You've got your opinion and I've got mine.  Let everyone
enjoy his own opinion, I say.'

A murmur of approbation from the crowd greeted these sentiments; but
Owen rejoined:

`But we can't both be right; if your opinions are right and mine are
not, how am I to find out the truth if we never talk about them?'

`Well, wot do you reckon is the cause of poverty, then?' demanded

`The present system - competition - capitalism.'

`It's all very well to talk like that,' snarled Crass, to whom this
statement conveyed no meaning whatever.  `But 'ow do you make it out?'

`Well, I put it like that for the sake of shortness,' replied Owen.
`Suppose some people were living in a house -'

`More supposin'!' sneered Crass.

`And suppose they were always ill, and suppose that the house was
badly built, the walls so constructed that they drew and retained
moisture, the roof broken and leaky, the drains defective, the doors
and windows ill-fitting and the rooms badly shaped and draughty.  If
you were asked to name, in a word, the cause of the ill-health of the
people who lived there you would say - the house.  All the tinkering
in the world would not make that house fit to live in; the only thing
to do with it would be to pull it down and build another.  Well, we're
all living in a house called the Money System; and as a result most of
us are suffering from a disease called poverty.  There's so much the
matter with the present system that it's no good tinkering at it.
Everything about it is wrong and there's nothing about it that's
right.  There's only one thing to be done with it and that is to smash
it up and have a different system altogether.  We must get out of it.'

`It seems to me that that's just what you're trying to do,' remanded
Harlow, sarcastically.  `You seem to be tryin' to get out of answering
the question what Easton asked you.'

`Yes!' cried Crass, fiercely.  `Why don't you answer the bloody
question?  Wot's the cause of poverty?'

`What the 'ell's the matter with the present system?' demanded

`Ow's it goin' to be altered?' said Newman.

`Wot the bloody 'ell sort of a system do YOU think we ought to 'ave?'
shouted the man behind the moat.

`It can't never be altered,' said Philpot.  `Human nature's human
nature and you can't get away from it.'

`Never mind about human nature,' shouted Crass.  `Stick to the point.
Wot's the cause of poverty?'

`Oh, b--r the cause of poverty!' said one of the new hands.  `I've 'ad
enough of this bloody row.'  And he stood up and prepared to go out of
the room.

This individual had two patches on the seat of his trousers and the
bottoms of the legs of that garment were frayed and ragged.  He had
been out of work for about six weeks previous to having been taken on
by Rushton & Co.  During most of that time he and his family had been
existing in a condition of semi-starvation on the earnings of his wife
as a charwoman and on the scraps of food she brought home from the
houses where she worked.  But all the same, the question of what is
the cause of poverty had no interest for him.

`There are many causes,' answered Owen, `but they are all part of and
inseparable from the system.  In order to do away with poverty we must
destroy the causes: to do away with the causes we must destroy the
whole system.'

`What are the causes, then?'

`Well, money, for one thing.'

This extraordinary assertion was greeted with a roar of merriment, in
the midst of which Philpot was heard to say that to listen to Owen was
as good as going to a circus.  Money was the cause of poverty!

`I always thought it was the want of it!' said the man with the
patches on the seat of his trousers as he passed out of the door.

`Other things,' continued Owen, `are private ownership of land,
private ownership of railways, tramways, gasworks, waterworks, private
ownership of factories, and the other means of producing the
necessaries and comforts of life.  Competition in business -'

`But 'ow do you make it out?' demanded Crass, impatiently.

Owen hesitated.  To his mind the thing appeared very clear and simple.
The causes of poverty were so glaringly evident that he marvelled that
any rational being should fail to perceive them; but at the same time
he found it very difficult to define them himself.  He could not think
of words that would convey his thoughts clearly to these others who
seemed so hostile and unwilling to understand, and who appeared to
have made up their minds to oppose and reject whatever he said.  They
did not know what were the causes of poverty and apparently they did
not WANT to know.

`Well, I'll try to show you one of the causes,' he said nervously at

He picked up a piece of charred wood that had fallen from the fire and
knelt down and began to draw upon the floor.  Most of the others
regarded him, with looks in which an indulgent, contemptuous kind of
interest mingled with an air of superiority and patronage.  There was
no doubt, they thought, that Owen was a clever sort of chap: his work
proved that: but he was certainly a little bit mad.

By this time Owen had drawn a circle about two feet in diameter.
Inside he had drawn two squares, one much larger than the other.
These two squares he filled in solid black with the charcoal.

`Wot's it all about?' asked Crass with a sneer.

`Why, can't you see?' said Philpot with a wink.  `'E's goin' to do
some conjurin'!  In a minit 'e'll make something pass out o' one o'
them squares into the other and no one won't see 'ow it's done.'

When he had finished drawing, Owen remained for a few minutes
awkwardly silent, oppressed by the anticipation of ridicule and a
sense of his inability to put his thoughts into plain language.  He
began to wish that he had not undertaken this task.  At last, with an
effort, he began to speak in a halting, nervous way:

                          ...       ...
                        ..             ..
                       .       ###       .
                      .        ###        .
                     .                     .
                     .   ###############   .
                    .    ###############    .
                    .    ###############    .
                    .    ###############    .
                     .   ###############   .
                     .   ###############   .
                      .                   .
                       ..               ..
                         ...         ...

`This circle - or rather the space inside the circle - is supposed to
represent England.'

`Well, I never knowed it was round before,' jeered Crass.  `I've heard
as the WORLD is round -'

`I never said it was the shape - I said it was supposed to REPRESENT

`Oh, I see.  I thought we'd very soon begin supposin'.'

`The two black squares,' continued Owen, `represent the people who
live in the country.  The small square represents a few thousand
people.  The large square stands for the remainder - about forty
millions - that is, the majority.'

`We ain't sich bloody fools as to think that the largest number is the
minority,' interrupted Crass.

`The greater number of the people represented by the large black
square work for their living: and in return for their labour they
receive money: some more, some less than others.'

`You don't think they'd be sich bloody fools as to work for nothing,
do you?' said Newman.

`I suppose you think they ought all to get the same wages!' cried
Harlow.  `Do you think it's right that a scavenger should get as much
as a painter?'

`I'm not speaking about that at all,' replied Owen.  `I'm trying to
show you what I think is one of the causes of poverty.'

`Shut up, can't you, Harlow,' remonstrated Philpot, who began to feel
interested.  `We can't all talk at once.'

`I know we can't,' replied Harlow in an aggrieved tone: `but 'e takes
sich a 'ell of a time to say wot 'e's got to say.  Nobody else can't
get a word in edgeways.'

`In order that these people may live,' continued Owen, pointing to the
large black square, `it is first necessary that they shall have a
PLACE to live in -'

`Well!  I should never a thought it!' exclaimed the man on the pail,
pretending to be much impressed.  The others laughed, and two or three
of them went out of the room, contemptuously remarking to each other
in an audible undertone as they went:

`Bloody rot!'

`Wonder wot the bloody 'ell 'e thinks 'e is?  A sort of schoolmaster?'

Owen's nervousness increased as he continued:

`Now, they can't live in the air or in the sea.  These people are land
animals, therefore they must live on the land.'

`Wot do yer mean by animals?' demanded Slyme.

`A human bean ain't a animal!' said Crass indignantly.

`Yes, we are!' cried Harlow.  `Go into any chemist's shop you like and
ask the bloke, and 'e'll tell you -'

`Oh, blow that!' interrupted Philpot.  `Let's 'ear wot Owen's sayin'.'

`They must live on the land: and that's the beginning of the trouble;
because - under the present system - the majority of the people have
really no right to be in the country at all!  Under the present system
the country belongs to a few - those who are here represented by this
small black square.  If it would pay them to do so, and if they felt
so disposed, these few people have a perfect right - under the present
system - to order everyone else to clear out!

`But they don't do that, they allow the majority to remain in the land
on one condition - that is, they must pay rent to the few for the
privilege of being permitted to live in the land of their birth.  The
amount of rent demanded by those who own this country is so large
that, in order to pay it, the greater number of the majority have
often to deprive themselves and their children, not only of the
comforts, but even the necessaries of life.  In the case of the
working classes the rent absorbs at the lowest possible estimate,
about one-third of their total earnings, for it must be remembered
that the rent is an expense that goes on all the time, whether they
are employed or not.  If they get into arrears when out of work, they
have to pay double when they get employment again.

`The majority work hard and live in poverty in order that the minority
may live in luxury without working at all, and as the majority are
mostly fools, they not only agree to pass their lives in incessant
slavery and want, in order to pay this rent to those who own the
country, but they say it is quite right that they should have to do
so, and are very grateful to the little minority for allowing them to
remain in the country at all.'

Owen paused, and immediately there arose a great clamour from his

`So it IS right, ain't it?' shouted Crass.  `If you 'ad a 'ouse and
let it to someone, you'd want your rent, wouldn't yer?'

`I suppose,' said Slyme with resentment, for he had some shares in a
local building society, `after a man's been careful, and scraping and
saving and going without things he ought to 'ave 'ad all 'is life, and
managed to buy a few 'ouses to support 'im in 'is old age - they ought
all to be took away from 'im?  Some people,' he added, `ain't got
common honesty.'

Nearly everyone had something to say in reprobation of the views
suggested by Owen.  Harlow, in a brief but powerful speech, bristling
with numerous sanguinary references to the bottomless pit, protested
against any interference with the sacred rights of property.  Easton
listened with a puzzled expression, and Philpot's goggle eyes rolled
horribly as he glared silently at the circle and the two squares.

`By far the greatest part of the land,' said Owen when the row had
ceased, `is held by people who have absolutely no moral right to it.
Possession of much of it was obtained by means of murder and theft
perpetrated by the ancestors of the present holders.  In other cases,
when some king or prince wanted to get rid of a mistress of whom he
had grown weary, he presented a tract of our country to some
`nobleman' on condition that he would marry the female.  Vast estates
were also bestowed upon the remote ancestors of the present holders in
return for real or alleged services.  Listen to this,' he continued as
he took a small newspaper cutting from his pocket-book.

Crass looked at the piece of paper dolefully.  It reminded him of the
one he had in his own pocket, which he was beginning to fear that he
would not have an opportunity of producing today after all.

`Ballcartridge Rent Dat.

`The hundredth anniversary of the Battle of Ballcartridge occurred
yesterday and in accordance with custom the Duke of Ballcartridge
handed to the authorities the little flag which he annually presents
to the State in virtue of his tenure of the vast tract of this country
which was presented to one of his ancestors - the first Duke - in
addition to his salary, for his services at the battle of

`The flag - which is the only rent the Duke has to pay for the great
estate which brings him in several hundreds of thousands of pounds per
annum - is a small tricoloured one with a staff surmounted by an

`The Duke of Blankmind also presents the State with a little coloured
silk flag every year in return for being allowed to retain possession
of that part of England which was presented - in addition to his
salary - to one of His Grace's very remote ancestors, for his services
at the battle of Commissariat - in the Netherlands.

`The Duke of Southward is another instance,' continued Owen.  `He
"owns" miles of the country we speak of as "ours".  Much of his part
consists of confiscated monastery lands which were stolen from the
owners by King Henry VIII and presented to the ancestors of the
present Duke.

`Whether it was right or wrong that these parts of our country should
ever have been given to those people - the question whether those
ancestor persons were really deserving cases or not - is a thing we
need not trouble ourselves about now.  But the present holders are
certainly not deserving people.  They do not even take the trouble to
pretend they are.  They have done nothing and they do nothing to
justify their possession of these "estates" as they call them.  And in
my opinion no man who is in his right mind can really think it's just
that these people should be allowed to prey upon their fellow men as
they are doing now.  Or that it is right that their children should be
allowed to continue to prey upon our children for ever!  The thousands
of people on those estates work and live in poverty in order that
these three men and their families may enjoy leisure and luxury.  Just
think of the absurdity of it!' continued Owen, pointing to the
drawings.  `All those people allowing themselves to be overworked and
bullied and starved and robbed by this little crowd here!'

Observing signs of a renewal of the storm of protests, Owen hurriedly

`Whether it's right or wrong, you can't deny that the fact that this
small minority possesses nearly all the land of the country is one of
the principal causes of the poverty of the majority.'

`Well, that seems true enough,' said Easton, slowly.  `The rent's the
biggest item a workin' man's got to pay.  When you're out of work and
you can't afford other things, you goes without 'em, but the rent 'as
to be paid whether you're workin' or not.'

`Yes, that's enough,' said Harlow impatiently; `but you gets value for
yer money: you can't expect to get a 'ouse for nothing.'

`Suppose we admits as it's wrong, just for the sake of argyment,' said
Crass in a jeering tone.  `Wot then?  Wot about it?  'Ow's it agoin'
to be altered.'

`Yes!' cried Harlow triumphantly.  `That's the bloody question!  'Ow's
it goin' to be altered?  It can't be done!'

There was a general murmur of satisfaction.  Nearly everyone seemed
very pleased to think that the existing state of things could not
possibly be altered.

`Whether it can be altered or not, whether it's right or wrong,
landlordism is one of the causes of poverty,' Owen repeated.  `Poverty
is not caused by men and women getting married; it's not caused by
machinery; it's not caused by "over-production"; it's not caused by
drink or laziness; and it's not caused by "over-population".  It's
caused by Private Monopoly.  That is the present system.  They have
monopolized everything that it is possible to monopolize; they have
got the whole earth, the minerals in the earth and the streams that
water the earth.  The only reason they have not monopolized the
daylight and the air is that it is not possible to do it.  If it were
possible to construct huge gasometers and to draw together and
compress within them the whole of the atmosphere, it would have been
done long ago, and we should have been compelled to work for them in
order to get money to buy air to breathe.  And if that seemingly
impossible thing were accomplished tomorrow, you would see thousands
of people dying for want of air - or of the money to buy it - even as
now thousands are dying for want of the other necessities of life.
You would see people going about gasping for breath, and telling each
other that the likes of them could not expect to have air to breathe
unless the had the money to pay for it.  Most of you here, for
instance, would think and say so.  Even as you think at present that
it's right for so few people to own the Earth, the Minerals and the
Water, which are all just as necessary as is the air.  In exactly the
same spirit as you now say: "It's Their Land," "It's Their Water,"
"It's Their Coal," "It's Their Iron," so you would say "It's Their
Air," "These are their gasometers, and what right have the likes of us
to expect them to allow us to breathe for nothing?"  And even while he
is doing this the air monopolist will be preaching sermons on the
Brotherhood of Man; he will be dispensing advice on "Christian Duty"
in the Sunday magazines; he will give utterance to numerous more or
less moral maxims for the guidance of the young.  And meantime, all
around, people will be dying for want of some of the air that he will
have bottled up in his gasometers.  And when you are all dragging out
a miserable existence, gasping for breath or dying for want of air, if
one of your number suggests smashing a hole in the side of one of th
gasometers, you will all fall upon him in the name of law and order,
and after doing your best to tear him limb from limb, you'll drag him,
covered with blood, in triumph to the nearest Police Station and
deliver him up to "justice" in the hope of being given a few
half-pounds of air for your trouble.'

`I suppose you think the landlords ought to let people live in their
'ouses for nothing?' said Crass, breaking the silence that followed.

`Certainly,' remarked Harlow, pretending to be suddenly converted to
Owen's views, `I reckon the landlord ought to pay the rent to the

`Of course, Landlordism is not the only cause,' said Owen, ignoring
these remarks. ` The wonderful system fosters a great many others.
Employers of labour, for instance, are as great a cause of poverty as
landlords are.'

This extraordinary statement was received with astonished silence.

`Do you mean to say that if I'm out of work and a master gives me a
job, that 'e's doin' me a injury?' said Crass at length.

`No, of course not,' replied Owen.

`Well, what the bloody 'ell DO yer mean, then?'

`I mean this: supposing that the owner of a house wishes to have it
repainted.  What does he usually do?'

`As a rule, 'e goes to three or four master painters and asks 'em to
give 'im a price for the job.'

`Yes; and those master painters are so eager to get the work that they
cut the price down to what they think is the lowest possible point,'
answered Owen, `and the lowest usually gets the job.  The successful
tenderer has usually cut the price so fine that to make it pay he has
to scamp the work, pay low wages, and drive and sweat the men whom he
employs.  He wants them to do two days' work for one day's pay.  The
result is that a job which - if it were done properly - would employ
say twenty men for two months, is rushed and scamped in half that time
with half that number of men.

`This means that - in one such case as this - ten men are deprived of
one month's employment; and ten other men are deprived of two months'
employment; and all because the employers have been cutting each
other's throats to get the work.'

`And we can't 'elp ourselves, you nor me either,' said Harlow.
`Supposing one of us on this job was to make up 'is mind not to tear
into it like we do, but just keep on steady and do a fair day's work:
wot would 'appen?'

No one answered; but the same thought was in everyone's mind.  Such a
one would be quickly marked by Hunter; and even if the latter failed
to notice it would not be long before Crass reported his conduct.

`We can't 'elp ourselves,' said Easton, gloomily.  `If one man won't
do it there's twenty others ready to take 'is place.'

`We could help ourselves to a certain extent if we would stand by each
other.  If, for instance, we all belonged to the Society,' said Owen.

`I don't believe in the Society,' observed Crass.  `I can't see as
it's right that a inferior man should 'ave the same wages as me.'

`They're a drunken lot of beer-swillers,' remarked Slyme.  `That's why
they always 'as their meetings in public 'ouses.'

Harlow made no comment on this question.  He had at one time belonged
to the Union and he was rather ashamed of having fallen away from it.

`Wot good 'as the Society ever done 'ere?' said Easton.  `None that I
ever 'eard of.'

`It might be able to do some good if most of us belonged to it; but
after all, that's another matter.  Whether we could help ourselves or
not, the fact remains that we don't.  But you must admit that this
competition of the employers is one of the causes of unemployment and
poverty, because it's not only in our line - exactly the same thing
happens in every other trade and industry.  Competing employers are
the upper and nether millstones which grind the workers between them.'

`I suppose you think there oughtn't to be no employers at all?'
sneered Crass.  `Or p'raps you think the masters ought to do all the
bloody work theirselves, and give us the money?'

`I don't see 'ow its goin' to be altered,' remarked Harlow.  `There
MUST be masters, and SOMEONE 'as to take charge of the work and do the

`Whether it can be altered or not,' said Owen, `Landlordism and
Competing Employers are two of the causes of poverty.  But of course
they're only a small part of the system which produces luxury,
refinement and culture for a few, and condemns the majority to a
lifelong struggle with adversity, and many thousands to degradation,
hunger and rags.  This is the system you all uphold and defend,
although you don't mind admitting that it has made the world into a

Crass slowly drew the Obscurer cutting from his waistcoat pocket, but
after a moment's thought he replaced it, deciding to defer its
production till a more suitable occasion.

`But you 'aven't told us yet 'ow you makes out that money causes
poverty,' cried Harlow, winking at the others.  `That's what I'M
anxious to 'ear about!'

`So am I,' remarked the man behind the moat.  `I was just wondering
whether I 'adn't better tell ole Misery that I don't want no wages
this week.'

`I think I'll tell 'im on Saterday to keep MY money and get 'imself a
few drinks with it,' said Philpot.  `It might cheer 'im up a bit and
make 'im a little more sociable and friendly like.'

`Money IS the principal cause of poverty,' said Owen.

`'Ow do yer make it out?' cried Sawkins.

But their curiosity had to remain unsatisfied for the time being
because Crass announced that it was `just on it'.

Chapter 16

True Freedom

About three o'clock that afternoon, Rushton suddenly appeared and
began walking silently about the house, and listening outside the
doors of rooms where the hands were working.  He did not succeed in
catching anyone idling or smoking or talking.  The nearest approach to
what the men called `a capture' that he made was, as he stood outside
the door of one of the upper rooms in which Philpot and Harlow were
working, he heard them singing one of Sankey's hymns - `Work! for the
night is coming'.  He listened to two verses and several repetitions
of the chorus.  Being a `Christian', he could scarcely object to this,
especially as by peeping through the partly open door  he could see
that they were suiting the action to the word.  When he went into the
room they glanced around to see who it was, and stopped singing.
Rushton did not speak, but stood in the middle of the floor, silently
watching them as they worked, for about a quarter of an hour.  Then,
without having uttered a syllable, he turned and went out.

They heard him softly descend the stairs, and Harlow, turning to
Philpot said in a hoarse whisper:

`What do you think of the b--r, standing there watchin' us like that,
as if we was a couple of bloody convicts?  If it wasn't that I've got
someone else beside myself to think of, I would 'ave sloshed the
bloody sod in the mouth with this pound brush!'

`Yes; it does make yer feel like that, mate,' replied Philpot, `but of
course we mustn't give way to it.'

`Several times,' continued Harlow, who was livid with anger, `I was on
the point of turnin' round and sayin' to 'im, "What the bloody 'ell do
you mean by standin' there and watchin' me, you bloody, psalm-singin'
swine?"  It took me all my time to keep it in, I can tell you.'

Meanwhile, Rushton was still going about the house, occasionally
standing and watching the other men in the same manner as he had
watched Philpot and Harlow.

None of the men looked round from their work or spoke either to
Rushton or to each other.  The only sounds heard were the noises made
by the saws and hammers of the carpenters who were fixing the frieze
rails and dado rails or repairing parts of the woodwork in some of the

Crass placed himself in Rushton's way several times with the hope of
being spoken to, but beyond curtly acknowledging the `foreman's'
servile `Good hafternoon, sir,' the master took no notice of him.

After about an hour spent in this manner Rushton went away, but as no
one say him go, it was not until some considerable time after his
departure that they knew that he was gone.

Owen was secretly very disappointed.  `I thought he had come to tell
me about the drawing-room,' he said to himself, `but I suppose it's
not decided yet.'

Just as the `hands' were beginning to breathe freely again, Misery
arrived, carrying some rolled-up papers in his hand.  He also flitted
silently from one room to another, peering round corners and listening
at doors in the hope of seeing or hearing something which would give
him an excuse for making an example of someone.  Disappointed in this,
he presently crawled upstairs to the room where Owen was working and,
handing to him the roll of papers he had been carrying, said:

`Mr Sweater had decided to 'ave this work done, so you can start on it
as soon as you like.'

It is impossible to describe, without appearing to exaggerate, the
emotions experienced by Owen as he heard this announcement.  For one
thing it meant that the work at this house would last longer than it
would otherwise have done; and it also meant that he would be paid for
the extra time he had spent on the drawings, besides having his wages
increased - for he was always paid an extra penny an hour when engaged
on special work, such as graining or sign-writing or work of the
present kind.  But these considerations did not occur to him at the
moment at all, for to him it meant much more.  Since his first
conversation on the subject with Rushton he had though of little else
than this work.

In a sense he had been DOING it ever since.  He had thought and
planned and altered the details of the work repeatedly.  The colours
for the different parts had been selected and rejected and re-selected
over and over again.  A keen desire to do the work had grown within
him, but he had scarcely allowed himself to hope that it would be done
at all.  His face flushed slightly as he took the drawings from

`You can make a start on it tomorrow morning,' continued that
gentleman.  `I'll tell Crass to send someone else up 'ere to finish
this room.'

`I shan't be able to commence tomorrow, because the ceiling and walls
will have to be painted first.'

`Yes: I know.  You and Easton can do that.  One coat tomorrow, another
on Friday and the third on Saturday - that is, unless you can make it
do with two coats.  Even if it has to be the three, you will be able
to go on with your decoratin' on Monday.'

`I won't be able to start on Monday, because I shall have to make some
working drawings first.'

`Workin' drorins!' ejaculated Misery with a puzzled expression.  `Wot
workin' drorins?  You've got them, ain't yer?' pointing to the roll of

`Yes: but as the same ornaments are repeated several times, I shall
have to make a number of full-sized drawings, with perforated
outlines, to transfer the design to the walls,' said Owen, and he
proceeded to laboriously explain the processes.

Nimrod looked at him suspiciously.  `Is all that really necessary?' he
asked.  `Couldn't you just copy it on the wall, free-hand?'

`No; that wouldn't do.  It would take much longer that way.'

This consideration appealed to Misery.

`Ah, well,' he sighed.  `I s'pose you'll 'ave to do it the way you
said; but for goodness sake don't spend too much time over it, because
we've took it very cheap.  We only took it on so as you could 'ave a
job, not that we expect to make any profit out of it.'

`And I shall have to cut some stencils, so I shall need several sheets
of cartridge paper.'

Upon hearing of this addition expense, Misery's long visage appeared
to become several inches longer; but after a moment's thought he
brightened up.

`I'll tell you what!' he exclaimed with a cunning leer, `there's lots
of odd rolls of wallpaper down at the shop.  Couldn't you manage with
some of that?'

`I'm afraid it wouldn't do,' replied Owen doubtfully, `but I'll have a
look at it and if possible I'll use it.'

`Yes, do!' said Misery, pleased at the thought of saving something.
`Call at the shop on your way home tonight, and we'll see what we can
find.  'Ow long do you think it'll take you to make the drorins and
the stencils?'

`Well, today's Thursday.  If you let someone else help Easton to get
the room ready, I think I can get them done in time to bring them with
me on Monday morning.'

`Wot do yer mean, "bring them with you"?' demanded Nimrod.

`I shall have to do them at home, you know.'

`Do 'em at 'ome!  Why can't you do 'em 'ere?'

`Well, there's no table, for one thing.'

`Oh, but we can soon fit you out with a table. You can 'ave a pair of
paperhanger's tressels and boards for that matter.'

`I have a lot of sketches and things at home that I couldn't very well
bring here,' said Owen.

Misery argued about it for a long time, insisting that the drawings
should be made either on the `job' or at the paint-shop down at the
yard.  How, he asked, was be to know at what hour Owen commenced or
left off working, if the latter did them at home?

`I shan't charge any more time than I really work,' replied Owen.  `I
can't possibly do them here or at the paint-shop.  I know I should
only make a mess of them under such conditions.'

`Well, I s'pose you'll 'ave to 'ave your own way,' said Misery,
dolefully.  `I'll let Harlow help Easton paint the room out, so as you
can get your stencils and things ready.  But for Gord's sake get 'em
done as quick as you can.  If you could manage to get done by Friday
and come down and help Easton on Saturday, it would be so much the
better.  And when you do get a start on the decoratin', I shouldn't
take too much care over it, you know, if I was you, because we 'ad to
take the job for next to nothing or Mr Sweater would never 'ave 'ad it
done at all!'

Nimrod now began to crawl about the house, snarling and grumbling at

`Now then, you chaps.  Rouse yourselves!' he bellowed, 'you seem to
think this is a 'orspital.  If some of you don't make a better show
than this, I'll 'ave to 'ave a Alteration!  There's plenty of chaps
walkin' about doin' nothin' who'll be only too glad of a job!'

He went into the scullery, where Crass was mixing some colour.

`Look 'ere, Crass!' he said.  `I'm not at all satisfied with the way
you're gettin' on with the work.  You must push the chaps a bit more
than you're doin'.  There's not enough being done, by a long way.  We
shall lose money over this job before we're finished!'

Crass - whose fat face had turned a ghastly green with fright -
mumbled something about getting on with it as fast as he could.

`Well, you'll 'ave to make 'em move a bit quicker than this!' Misery
howled, 'or there'll 'ave to be a ALTERATION!'

By an `alteration' Crass understood that he might get the sack, or
that someone else might be put in charge of the job, and that would of
course reduce him to the ranks and do away with his chance of being
kept on longer than the others.  He determined to try to ingratiate
himself with Hunter and appease his wrath by sacrificing someone else.
He glanced cautiously into the kitchen and up the passage and then,
lowering his voice, he said:

`They all shapes pretty well, except Newman.  I would 'ave told you
about 'im before, but I thought I'd give 'im a fair chance.  I've
spoke to 'im several times myself about not doin' enough, but it don't
seem to make no difference.'

`I've 'ad me eye on 'im meself for some time,' replied Nimrod in the
same tone.  `Anybody would think the work was goin' to be sent to a
Exhibition, the way 'e messes about with it, rubbing it with
glasspaper and stopping up every little crack!  I can't understand
where 'e gets all the glasspaper FROM'

`'E brings it 'isself!' said Crass hoarsely.  `I know for a fact that
'e bought two 'a'penny sheets of it, last week out of 'is own money!'

`Oh, 'e did, did 'e?' snarled Misery.  `I'll give 'im glasspaper!
I'll 'ave a Alteration!'

He went into the hall, where he remained alone for a considerable
time, brooding.  At last, with the manner of one who has resolved on a
certain course of action, he turned and entered the room where Philpot
and Harlow were working.

`You both get sevenpence an hour, don't you?' he said.

They both replied to the affirmative.

`I've never worked under price yet,' added Harlow.

`Nor me neither,' observed Philpot.

`Well, of course you can please yourselves,' Hunter continued, `but
after this week we've decided not to pay more than six and a half.
Things is cut so fine nowadays that we can't afford to go on payin'
sevenpence any longer.  You can work up till tomorrow night on the old
terms, but if you're not willin' to accept six and a half you needn't
come on Saturday morning.  Please yourselves.  Take it or leave it.'

Harlow and Philpot were both too much astonished to say anything in
reply to this cheerful announcement, and Hunter, with the final
remark, `You can think it over,' left them and went to deliver the
same ultimatum to all the other full-price men, who took it in the
same way as Philpot and Harlow had done.  Crass and Owen were the
only two whose wages were not reduced.

It will be remembered that Newman was one of those who were already
working for the reduced rate.  Misery found him alone in one of the
upper rooms, to which he was giving the final coat.  He was at his old
tricks.  The woodwork of the cupboard be was doing was in a rather
damaged condition, and he was facing up the dents with white-lead
putty before painting it.  He knew quite well that Hunter objected to
any but very large holes or cracks being stopped, and yet somehow  or
other he could not scamp the work to the extent that he was ordered
to; and so, almost by stealth, he was in the habit of doing it - not
properly but as well as he dared.  He even went to the length of
occasionally buying a few sheets of glasspaper with his own money, as
Crass had told Hunter.  When the latter came into the room he stood
with a sneer on his face, watching Newman for about five minutes
before he spoke.  The workman became very nervous and awkward under
this scrutiny.

`You can make out yer time-sheet and come to the office for yer money
at five o'clock,' said Nimrod at last.  `We shan't require your
valuable services no more after tonight.'

Newman went white.

`Why, what's wrong?' said he.  `What have I done?'

`Oh, it's not wot you've DONE,' replied Misery.  `It's wot you've not
done.  That's wot's wrong!  You've not done enough, that's all!'  And
without further parley he turned and went out.

Newman stood in the darkening room feeling as if his heart had turned
to lead.  There rose before his mind the picture of his home and
family.  He could see them as they were at this very moment, the wife
probably just beginning to prepare the evening meal, and the children
setting the cups and saucers and other things on the kitchen table - a
noisy work, enlivened with many a frolic and childish dispute.  Even
the two-year-old baby insisted on helping, although she always put
everything in the wrong place and made all sorts of funny mistakes.
They had all been so happy lately because they knew that he had work
that would last till nearly Christmas - if not longer.  And now this
had happened - to plunge them back into the abyss of wretchedness
from which they had so recently escaped.  They still owed several
weeks' rent, and were already so much in debt to the baker and the
grocer that it was hopeless to expect any further credit.

`My God!' said Newman, realizing the almost utter hopelessness of the
chance of obtaining another `job' and unconsciously speaking aloud.
`My God!  How can I tell them?  What WILL become of us?'

Having accomplished the objects of his visit, Hunter shortly
afterwards departed, possibly congratulating himself that he had not
been hiding his light under a bushel, but that he had set it upon a
candlestick and given light unto all that were within that house.

As soon as they knew that he was gone, the men began to gather into
little groups, but in a little while they nearly all found themselves
in the kitchen, discussing the reduction.  Sawkins and the other
`lightweights' remained at their work.  Some of them got only
fourpence halfpenny - Sawkins was paid fivepence - so none of these
were affected by the change.  The other two fresh hands - the
journeymen - joined the crowd in the kitchen, being anxious to conceal
the fact that they had agreed to accept the reduced rate before being
`taken on'.  Owen also was there, having heard the news hem Philpot.

There was a lot of furious talk.  At first several of them spoke of
`chucking up', at once; but others were more prudent, for they knew
that if they did leave there were dozens of others who would be eager
to take their places.

`After all, you know,' said Slyme, who had - stowed away somewhere at
the back of his head - an idea of presently starting business on his
own account: he was only waiting until he had saved enough money,
`after all, there's something in what 'Unter says.  It's very 'ard to
get a fair price for work nowadays.  Things IS cut very fine.'

`Yes! We know all about that!' shouted Harlow.  `And who the bloody
'ell is it cuts 'em?  Why, sich b--rs as 'Unter and Rushton!  If this
firm 'adn't cut this job so fine, some other firm would 'ave 'ad it
for more money.  Rushton's cuttin' it fine didn't MAKE this job, did
it?  It would 'ave been done just the same if they 'adn't tendered for
it at all!  The only difference is that we should 'ave been workin'
for some other master.'

`I don't believe the bloody job's cut fine at all!' said Philpot.

`Rushton is a pal of Sweater's and they're both members of the Town

`That may be,' replied Slyme; 'but all the same I believe Sweater got
several other prices besides Rushton's - friend or no friend; and you
can't blame 'im: it's only business.  But pr'aps Rushton got the
preference - Sweater may 'ave told 'im the others' prices.'

`Yes, and a bloody fine lot of prices they was, too, if the truth was
known!' said Bundy.  "There was six other firms after this job to my
knowledge - Pushem and Sloggem, Bluffum and Doemdown, Dodger and
Scampit, Snatcham and Graball, Smeeriton and Leavit, Makehaste and
Sloggitt, and Gord only knows 'ow many more.'

At this moment Newman came into the room.  He looked so white and
upset that the others involuntarily paused in their conversation.

`Well, what do YOU think of it?' asked Harlow.

`Think of what?' said Newman.

`Why, didn't 'Unter tell you?' cried several voices, whose owners
looked suspiciously at him.  They thought - if Hunter had not spoken
to Newman, it must be because he was already working under price.
There had been a rumour going about the last few days to that effect.

`Didn't Misery tell you?  They're not goin' to pay more than six and a
half after this week.'

`That's not what 'e said to me.  'E just told me to knock off. Said  I
didn't do enough for 'em.'

`Jesus Christ!' exclaimed Crass, pretending to be overcome with

Newman's account of what had transpired was listened to in gloomy
silence.  `Those who - a few minutes previously - had been talking
loudly of chucking up the job became filled with apprehension that
they might be served in the same manner as he had been.  Crass was one
of the loudest in his expression of astonishment and indignation, but
he rather overdid it and only succeeded in confirming the secret
suspicion of the others that he had had something to do with Hunter's

The result of the discussion was that they decided to submit to
Misery's terms for the time being, until they could see a chance of
getting work elsewhere.

As Owen had to go to the office to see the wallpaper spoken of by
Hunter, he accompanied Newman when the latter went to get his wages.
Nimrod was waiting for them, and had the money ready in an envelope,
which he handed to Newman, who took it without speaking and went away.

Misery had been rummaging amongst the old wallpapers, and had got out
a great heap of odd rolls, which he now submitted to Owen, but after
examining them the latter said that they were unsuitable for the
purpose, so after some argument Misery was compelled to sign an order
for some proper cartridge paper, which Owen obtained at a stationer's
on his way home.

The next morning, when Misery went to the `Cave', he was in a fearful
rage, and he kicked up a terrible row with Crass.  He said that Mr
Rushton had been complaining of the lack of discipline on the job, and
he told Crass to tell all the hands that for the future singing in
working hours was strictly forbidden, and anyone caught breaking this
rule would be instantly dismissed.

Several times during the following days Nimrod called at Owen's flat
to see how the work was progressing and to impress upon him the
necessity of not taking too much trouble over it.

Chapter 17

The Rev. John Starr

`What time is it now, Mum?' asked Frankie as soon as he had finished
dinner on the following Sunday.

`Two o'clock.'

`Hooray!  Only one more hour and Charley will be here!  Oh, I wish it
was three o'clock now, don't you, Mother?'

`No, dear, I don't.  You're not dressed yet, you know.'

Frankie made a grimace.

`You're surely not going to make me wear my velvets, are you, Mum?
Can't I go just as I am, in my old clothes?'

The `velvets' was a brown suit of that material that Nora had made out
of the least worn parts of an old costume of her own.

`Of course not: if you went as you are now, you'd have everyone
staring at you.'

`Well, I suppose I'll have to put up with it,' said Frankie,

`And I think you'd better begin to dress me now, don't you?'

`Oh, there's plenty of time yet; you'd only make yourself untidy and
then I should have the trouble all over again.  Play with your toys a
little while, and when I've done the washing up I'll get you ready.'

Frankie obeyed, and for about ten minutes his mother heard him in the
next room rummaging in the box where he stored his collection of
`things'.  At the end of that time, however, he returned to the
kitchen.  `Is it time to dress me yet, Mum?'

`No, dear, not yet.  You needn't be afraid; you'll be ready in plenty
of time.'

`But I can't help being afraid; you might forget.'

`Oh, I shan't forget.  There's lots of time.'

`Well, you know, I should be much easier in my mind if you would dress
me now, because perhaps our clock's wrong, or p'r'aps when you begin
dressing me you'll find some buttons off or something, and then
there'll be a lot of time wasted sewing them on; or p'r'aps you won't
be able to find my clean stockings or something and then while you're
looking for it Charley might come, and if he sees I'm not ready he
mightn't wait for me.'

`Oh, dear!' said Nora, pretending to be alarmed at this appalling list
of possibilities.  `I suppose it will be safer to dress you at once.
It's very evident you won't let me have much peace until it is done,
but mind when you're dressed you'll have to sit down quietly and wait
till he comes, because I don't want the trouble of dressing you

`Oh, I don't mind sitting still,' returned Frankie, loftily.  `That's
very easy.

`I don't mind having to take care of my clothes,' said Frankie as his
mother - having washed and dressed him, was putting the finishing
touches to his hair, brushing and combing and curling the long yellow
locks into ringlets round her fingers, `the only thing I don't like is
having my hair done.  You know all these curls are quite unnecessary.
I'm sure it would save you a lot of trouble if you wouldn't mind
cutting them off.'

Nora did not answer: somehow or other she was unwilling to comply with
this often-repeated entreaty.  It seemed to her that when this hair
was cut off the child would have become a different individual - more
separate and independent.

`If you don't want to cut it off for your own sake, you might do it
for my sake, because I think it's the reason some of the big boys
don't want to play with me, and some of them shout after me and say
I'm a girl, and sometimes they sneak up behind me and pull it.  Only
yesterday I had to have a fight with a boy for doing it: and even
Charley Linden laughs at me, and he's my best friend - except you and
Dad of course.

`Why don't you cut it off, Mum?'

`I am going to cut it as I promised you, after your next birthday.'

`Then I shall be jolly glad when it comes.  Won't you?  Why, what's
the matter, Mum?  What are you crying for?'  Frankie was so concerned
that he began to cry also, wondering if he had done or said something
wrong.  He kissed her repeatedly, stroking her face with his hand.
What's the matter, Mother?'

`I was thinking that when you're over seven and you've had your hair
cut short you won't be a baby any more.'

`Why, I'm not a baby now, am I? Here, look at this!'

He strode over to the wall and, dragging out two chairs, he placed
them in the middle of the room, back to back, about fifteen inches
apart, and before his mother realized what he was doing he had climbed
up and stood with one leg on the back of each chair.

`I should like to see a baby who could do this,' he cried, with his
face wet with tears.  `You needn't lift me down.  I can get down by
myself.  Babies can't do tricks like these or even wipe up the spoons
and forks or sweep the passage.  But you needn't cut it off if you
don't want to.  I'll bear it as long as you like.  Only don't cry any
more, because it makes me miserable.  If I cry when I fall down or
when you pull my hair when you're combing it you always tell me to
bear it like a man and not be a baby, and now you're crying yourself
just because I'm not a baby.  You ought to be jolly glad that I'm
nearly grown up into a man, because you know I've promised to build
you a house with the money I earn, and then you needn't do no more
work.  We'll have a servant the same as the people downstairs, and Dad
can stop at home and sit by the fire and read the paper or play with
me and Maud and have pillow fights and tell stories and -'

`It's all right, dearie,' said Nora, kissing him.  `I'm not crying
now, and you mustn't either, or your eyes will be all red and you
won't be able to go with Charley at all.'

When she had finished dressing him, Frankie sat for some time in
silence, apparently lost in thought.  At last he said:

`Why don't you get a baby, Mother?  You could nurse it, and I could
have it to play with instead of going out in the street.'

`We can't afford to keep a baby, dear.  You know, even as it is,
sometimes we have to go without things we want because we haven't the
money to buy them.  Babies need many things that cost lots of money.'

`When I build our house when I'm a man, I'll take jolly good care not
to have a gas-stove in it.  That's what runs away with all the money;
we're always putting pennies in the slot.  And that reminds me:
Charley said I'll have to take a ha'penny to put in the mishnery box.
Oh, dear, I'm tired of sitting still.  I wish he'd come. What time is
it now, Mother?'

Before she could answer both Frankie's anxiety and the painful ordeal
of sitting still were terminated by the loud peal at the bell
announcing Charley's arrival, and Frankie, without troubling to
observe the usual formality of looking out of the window to see if it
was a runaway ring, had clattered half-way downstairs before he heard
his mother calling him to come back for the halfpenny; then he
clattered up again and then down again at such a rate and with so much
noise as to rouse the indignation of all the respectable people in the

When he arrived at the bottom of the stairs he remembered that he had
omitted to say goodbye, and as it was too far to go up again he rang
the bell and then went into the middle of the road and looked up at
the window that Nora opened.

`Goodbye, Mother,' he shouted.  `Tell Dad I forgot to say it before I
came down.'

The School was not conducted in the chapel itself, but in a large
lecture hall under it.  At one end was a small platform raised about
six inches from the floor; on this was a chair and a small table.  A
number of groups of chairs and benches were arranged at intervals
round the sides and in the centre of the room, each group of seats
accommodating a separate class.  On the walls - which were painted a
pale green - were a number of coloured pictures: Moses striking the
Rock, the Israelites dancing round the Golden Calf, and so on.  As the
reader is aware, Frankie had never been to a Sunday School of any kind
before, and he stood for a moment looking in at the door and half
afraid to enter.  The lessons had already commenced, but the scholars
had not yet settled down to work.

The scene was one of some disorder: some of the children talking,
laughing or playing, and the teachers alternately threatening and
coaxing them.  The girls' and the very young children's classes were
presided over by ladies: the boys' teachers were men.

The reader already has some slight knowledge of a few of these people.
There was Mr Didlum, Mr Sweater, Mr Rushton and Mr Hunter and Mrs
Starvem (Ruth Easton's former mistress).  On this occasion, in
addition to the teachers and other officials of the Sunday School,
there were also present a considerable number of prettily dressed
ladies and a few gentlemen, who had come in the hope of meeting the
Rev. John Starr, the young clergyman who was going to be their
minister for the next few weeks during the absence of their regular
shepherd, Mr Belcher, who was going away for a holiday for the benefit
of his health.  Mr Belcher was not suffering from any particular
malady, but was merely `run down', and rumour had it that this
condition had been brought about by the rigorous asceticism of his
life and his intense devotion to the arduous labours of his holy

Mr Starr had conducted the service in the Shining Light Chapel that
morning, and a great sensation had been produced by the young
minister's earnest and eloquent address, which was of a very different
style from that of their regular minister.  Although perhaps they had
not quite grasped the real significance of all that he had said, most
of them had been favourably impressed by the young clergyman's
appearance and manner in the morning: but that might have arisen from
prepossession and force of habit, for they were accustomed, as a
matter of course, to think well of any minister.  There were, however,
one or two members of the congregation who were not without some
misgivings and doubts as to the soundness of his doctrines.  Mr Starr
had promised that he would look in some time during the afternoon to
say a few words to the Sunday School children, and consequently on
this particular afternoon all the grown-ups were looking forward so
eagerly to hearing him again that not much was done in the way of
lessons.  Every time a late arrival entered all eyes were directed
towards the door in the hope and expectation that it was he.

When Frankie, standing at the door, saw all the people looking at him
he drew back timidly.

`Come on, man,' said Charley.  `You needn't be afraid; it's not like a
weekday school; they can't do nothing to us, not even if we don't
behave ourselves.  There's our class over in that corner and that's
our teacher, Mr Hunter.  You can sit next to me. Come on!'

Thus encouraged, Frankie followed Charley over to the class, and both
sat down.  The teacher was so kind and spoke so gently to the children
that in a few minutes Frankie felt quite at home.

When Hunter noticed how well cared for and well dressed he was he
thought the child must belong to well-to-do, respectable parents.
Frankie did not pay much attention to the lesson, for he was too much
interested in the pictures on the walls and in looking at the other
children.  He also noticed a very fat man who was not teaching at all,
but drifted aimlessly about he room from one class to another.  After
a time he came and stood by the class where Frankie was, and, after
nodding to Hunter, remained near, listening and smiling patronizingly
at the children.  He was arrayed in a long garment of costly black
cloth, a sort of frock coat, and by the rotundity of his figure he
seemed to be one of those accustomed to sit in the chief places at
feasts.  This was the Rev. Mr Belcher, minister of the Shining Light
Chapel.  His short, thick neck was surrounded by a studless collar,
and apparently buttonless, being fastened n some mysterious way known
only to himself, and he showed no shirt front.

The long garment beforementioned was unbuttoned and through the
opening there protruded a vast expanse of waistcoat and trousers,
distended almost to bursting by the huge globe of flesh they
contained.  A gold watch-chain with a locket extended partly across
the visible portion of the envelope of the globe.  He had very large
feet which were carefully encased in soft calfskin boots.  If he had
removed the long garment, this individual would have resembled a
balloon: the feet representing the car and the small head that
surmounted the globe, the safety valve; as it was it did actually
serve the purpose of a safety valve, the owner being, in consequence
of gross overfeeding and lack of natural exercise, afflicted with
chronic flatulence, which manifested itself in frequent belchings
forth through the mouth of the foul gases generated in the stomach by
the decomposition of the foods with which it was generally loaded.
But as the Rev. Mr Belcher had never been seen with his coat off, no
one ever noticed the resemblance.  It was not necessary for him to
take his coat off: his part in life was not to help to produce, but to
help to devour the produce of the labour of others.

After exchanging a few words and grins with Hunter, he moved on to
another class, and presently Frankie with a feeling of awe noticed
that the confused murmuring sound that had hitherto pervaded the place
was hushed.  The time allotted for lessons had expired, and the
teachers were quietly distributing hymn-books to the children.
Meanwhile the balloon had drifted up to the end of the hall and had
ascended the platform, where it remained stationary by the side of the
table, occasionally emitting puffs of gas through the safety valve.
On the table were several books, and also a pile of folded cards.
These latter were about six inches by three inches; there was some
printing on the outside: one of them was lying open on the table,
showing the inside, which was ruled and had money columns.

Presently Mr Belcher reached out a flabby white hand and, taking up
one of the folded cards, he looked around upon the under-fed, ill-clad
children with a large, sweet, benevolent, fatherly smile, and then in
a drawling voice occasionally broken by explosions of flatulence, he

`My dear children.  This afternoon as I was standing near Brother
Hunter's class I heard him telling them of the wanderings of the
Children of Israel in the wilderness, and of all the wonderful things
that were done for them; and I thought how sad it was that they were
so ungrateful.

`Now those ungrateful Israelites had received many things, but we have
even more cause to be grateful than they had, for we have received
even more abundantly than they did.'  (Here the good man's voice was
stilled by a succession of explosions.)  `And I am sure,' he resumed,
`that none of you would like to be even as those Israelites,
ungrateful for all the good things you have received.  Oh, how
thankful you should be for having been made happy English children.
Now, I am sure that you are grateful and that you will all be very
glad of an opportunity of showing your gratitude by doing something in

`Doubtless some of you have noticed the unseemly condition of the
interior of our Chapel.  The flooring is broken in countless places.
the walls are sadly in need of cleansing and distempering. and they
also need cementing externally to keep out the draught.  The seats and
benches and the chairs are also in a most unseemly condition and need

`Now, therefore, after much earnest meditation and prayer, it has been
decided to open a Subscription List, and although times are very hard
just now, we believe we shall succeed in getting enough to have the
work done; so I want each one of you to take one of these cards and go
round to all your friends to see how much you can collect.  It doesn't
matter how trifling the amounts are, because the smallest donations
will be thankfully received.

`Now, I hope you will all do your very best.  Ask everyone you know;
do not refrain from asking people because you think that they are too
poor to give a donation, but remind them that if they cannot give
their thousands they can give the widow's mite.  Ask Everyone!  First
of all ask those whom you feel certain will give: then ask all those
whom you think may possibly give: and, finally, ask all those whom you
feel certain will not give: and you will be surprised to find that
many of these last will donate abundantly.

`If your friends are very poor and unable to give a large donation at
one time, a good plan would be to arrange to call upon them every
Saturday afternoon with your card to collect their donations.  And
while you are asking others, do not forget to give what you can
yourselves.  Just a little self-denial, and those pennies and
half-pennies which you so often spend on sweets and other unnecessary
things might be given - as a donation - to the good cause.'

Here the holy man paused again, and there was a rumbling, gurgling
noise in the interior of the balloon, followed by several escapes of
gas through the safety valve.  The paroxysm over, the apostle of
self-denial continued:

`All those who wish to collect donations will stay behind for a few
minutes after school, when Brother Hunter - who has kindly consented
to act as secretary to the fund - will issue the cards.

`I would like here to say a few words of thanks to Brother Hunter for
the great interest he has displayed in this matter, and for all the
trouble he is taking to help us to gather in the donations.'

This tribute was well deserved; Hunter in fact had originated the
whole scheme in the hope of securing the job for Rushton & Co., and
two-and-a-half per cent of the profits for himself.

Mr Belcher now replaced the collecting card on the table and, taking
up one of the hymn-books, gave out the words and afterwards conducted
the singing, nourishing one fat, flabby white hand in the air and
holding the book in the other.

As the last strains of the music died away, he closed his eyes and a
sweet smile widened his mouth as he stretched forth his right hand,
open, palm down, with the fingers close together, and said:

`Let us pray.'

With much shuffling of feet everyone knelt down.  Hunter's lanky form
was distributed over a very large area; his body lay along one of the
benches, his legs and feet sprawled over the floor, and his huge hands
clasped the sides of the seat.  His eyes were tightly closed and an
expression of the most intense misery pervaded his long face.

Mrs Starvem, being so fat that she knew if she once knelt down she
would never be able to get up again, compromised by sitting on the
extreme edge of her chair, resting her elbows on the back of the seat
in front of her, and burying her face in her hands.  It was a very
large face, but her hands were capacious enough to receive it.

In a seat at the back of the hall knelt a pale-faced, weary-looking
little woman about thirty-six years of age, very shabbily dressed, who
had come in during the singing.  This was Mrs White, the caretaker,
Bert White's mother.  When her husband died, the committee of the
Chapel, out of charity, gave her this work, for which they paid her
six shillings a week.  Of course, they could not offer her full
employment; the idea was that she could get other work as well,
charing and things of that kind, and do the Chapel work in between.
There wasn't much to do: just the heating furnace to light when
necessary; the Chapel, committee rooms, classrooms and Sunday School
to sweep and scrub out occasionally; the hymn-books to collect, etc.
Whenever they had a tea meeting - which was on an average about twice
a week - there were the trestle tables to fix up, the chairs to
arrange, the table to set out, and then, supervised by Miss Didlum or
some other lady, the tea to make.  There was rather a lot to do on the
days following these functions: the washing up, the tables and chairs
to put away, the floor to sweep, and so on; but the extra work was
supposed to be compensated by the cakes and broken victuals generally
left over from the feast, which were much appreciated as a welcome
change from the bread and dripping or margarine that constituted Mrs
White's and Bert's usual fare.

There were several advantages attached to the position: the caretaker
became acquainted with the leading members and their wives, some of
who, out of charity, occasionally gave her a day's work as charwoman,
the wages being on about the same generous scale as those she earned
at the Chapel, sometimes supplemented by a parcel of broken victuals
or some castoff clothing.

An evil-minded, worldly or unconverted person might possibly sum up
the matter thus: these people required this work done: they employed
this woman to do it, taking advantage of her poverty to impose upon
her conditions of price and labour that they would not have liked to
endure themselves.  Although she worked very hard, early and late, the
money they paid her as wages was insufficient to enable her to provide
herself with the bare necessaries of life.  Then her employers, being
good, kind, generous, Christian people, came to the rescue and
bestowed charity, in the form of cast-off clothing and broken

Should any such evil-minded, worldly or unconverted persons happen to
read these lines, it is a sufficient answer to their impious and
malicious criticisms to say that no such thoughts ever entered the
simple mind of Mrs White herself: on the contrary, this very afternoon
as she knelt in the Chapel, wearing an old mantle that some years
previously had adorned the obese person of the saintly Mrs Starvem,
her heart was filled with gratitude towards her generous benefactors.

During the prayer the door was softly opened: a gentleman in clerical
dress entered on tiptoe and knelt down next to Mr Didlum.  He came in
very softly, but all the same most of those present heard him and
lifted their heads or peeped through their fingers to see who it was,
and when they recognized him a sound like a sigh swept through the

At the end of the prayer, amid groans and cries of 'Amen', the balloon
slowly descended from the platform, and collapsed into one of the
seats, and everyone rose up from the floor.  When all were seated and
the shuffling, coughing and blowing of noses had ceased Mr Didlum
stood up and said:

`Before we sing the closin' 'ymn, the gentleman hon my left, the Rev.
Mr John Starr, will say a few words.'

An expectant murmur rippled through the hall.  The ladies lifted their
eyebrows and nodded, smiled and whispered to each other; the gentlemen
assumed various attitudes and expressions; the children were very
quiet.  Everyone was in a state of suppressed excitement as John Starr
rose from his seat and, stepping up on to the platform, stood by the
side of the table, facing them.

He was about twenty-six years of age, tall and slenderly built.  His
clean-cut, intellectual face, with its lofty forehead, and his air of
refinement and culture were in striking contrast to the coarse
appearance of the other adults in the room: the vulgar, ignorant,
uncultivated crowd of profit-mongers and hucksters in front of him.
But it was not merely his air of good breeding and the general
comeliness of his exterior that attracted and held one.  There was an
indefinable something about him - an atmosphere of gentleness and love
that seemed to radiate from his whole being, almost compelling
confidence and affection from all those with whom he came in contact.
As he stood there facing the others with an inexpressibly winning
smile upon his comely face, it seemed impossible that there could be
any fellowship between him and them.

There was nothing in his appearance to give anyone even an inkling of
the truth, which was: that he was there for the purpose of bolstering
up the characters of the despicable crew of sweaters and slave-drivers
who paid his wages.

He did not give a very long address this afternoon - only just a Few
Words but they were very precious, original and illuminating.  He told
them of certain Thoughts that had occurred to his mind on his way
there that afternoon; and as they listened, Sweater, Rushton, Didlum,
Hunter, and the other disciples exchanged significant looks and
gestures.  Was it not magnificent!  Such power!  Such reasoning!  In
fact, as they afterwards modestly admitted to each other, it was so
profound that even they experienced great difficulty in fathoming the
speaker's meaning.

As for the ladies, they were motionless and dumb with admiration.
They sat with flushed faces, shining eyes and palpitating hearts,
looking hungrily at the dear man as he proceeded:

`Unfortunately, our time this afternoon does not permit us to dwell at
length upon these Thoughts.  Perhaps at some future date we may have
the blessed privilege of so doing; but this afternoon I have been
asked to say a Few Words on another subject.  The failing health of
your dear minister has for some time past engaged the anxious
attention of the congregation.'

Sympathetic glances were directed towards the interesting invalid; the
ladies murmured, `Poor dear!' and other expressions of anxious

`Although naturally robust,' continued Starr, `long, continued
Overwork, the loving solicitude for Others that often prevented him
taking even necessary repose, and a too rigorous devotion to the
practice of Self-denial have at last brought about the inevitable
Breakdown, and rendered a period of Rest absolutely imperative.'

The orator paused to take breath, and the silence that ensued was
disturbed only by faint rumblings in the interior of the ascetic
victim of overwork.

`With this laudable object,' proceeded Start, `a Subscription List was
quietly opened about a month ago, and those dear children who had
cards and assisted in the good work of collecting donations will be
pleased to hear that altogether a goodly sum was gathered, but as it
was not quite enough, the committee voted a further amount out of the
General Fund, and at a special meeting held last Friday evening, your
dear Shepherd was presented with an illuminated address, and a purse
of gold sufficient to defray the expenses of a month's holiday in the
South of France.

`Although, of course, he regrets being separated from you even for
such a brief period he feels that in going he is choosing the lesser
of two evils.  It is better to go to the South of France for a month
than to continue Working in spite of the warnings of exhausted nature
and perhaps be taken away from you altogether - by Heaven.'

`God forbid!' fervently ejaculated several disciples, and a ghastly
pallor overspread the features of the object of their prayers.

`Even as it is there is a certain amount of danger.  Let us hope and
pray for the best, but if the worst should happen and he is called
upon to Ascend, there will be some satisfaction in knowing that you
have done what you could to avert the dreadful calamity.'

Here, probably as a precaution against the possibility of an
involuntary ascent, a large quantity of gas was permitted to escape
through the safety valve of the balloon.

`He sets out on his pilgrimage tomorrow,' concluded Starr, `and I am
sure he will be followed by the good wishes and prayers of all the
members of his flock.'

The reverend gentleman resumed his seat, and almost immediately it
became evident from the oscillations of the balloon that Mr Belcher
was desirous of rising to say a Few Words in acknowledgement, but he
was restrained by the entreaties of those near him, who besought him
not to exhaust himself.  He afterwards said that he would not have
been able to say much even if they had permitted him to speak, because
he felt too full.

`During the absence of our beloved pastor,' said Brother Didlum, who
now rose to give out the closing hymn, `his flock will not be left
hentirely without a shepherd, for we 'ave arranged with Mr Starr to
come and say a Few Words to us hevery Sunday.'

From the manner in which they constantly referred to themselves, it
might have been thought that they were a flock of sheep instead of
being what they really were - a pack of wolves.

When they heard Brother Didlum's announcement a murmur of intense
rapture rose from the ladies, and Mr Starr rolled his eyes and smiled
sweetly.  Brother Didlum did not mention the details of the
`arrangement', to have done so at that time would have been most
unseemly, but the following extract from the accounts of the chapel
will not be out of place here: `Paid to Rev. John Starr for Sunday,
Nov. 14 - 4.4.0 per the treasurer.'  It was not a large sum
considering the great services rendered by Mr Starr, but, small as it
was, it is to be feared that many worldly, unconverted persons will
think it was far too much to pay for a Few Words, even such wise words
as Mr John Starr's admittedly always were.  But the Labourer is worthy
of his hire.

After the `service' was over, most of the children, including Charley
and Frankie, remained to get collecting cards. Mr Starr was surrounded
by a crowd of admirers, and a little later, when he rode away with Mr
Belcher and Mr Sweater in the latter's motor car, the ladies looked
hungrily after that conveyance, listening to the melancholy `pip, pip'
of its hooter and trying to console themselves with the reflection
that they would see him again in a few hours' time at the evening

Chapter 18

The Lodger

In accordance with his arrangement with Hunter, Owen commenced the
work in the drawing-room on the Monday morning.  Harlow and Easton
were distempering some of the ceilings, and about ten o'clock they
went down to the scullery to get some more whitewash.  Crass was there
as usual, pretending to be very busy mixing colours.

`Well, wot do you think of it?' he said as he served them with what
they required.

`Think of what?' asked Easton.

`Why, hour speshul hartist,' replied Crass with a sneer.  'Do you
think 'e's goin' to get through with it?'

`Shouldn't like to say,' replied Easton guardedly.

`You know it's one thing to draw on a bit of paper and colour it with
a penny box of paints, and quite another thing to do it on a wall or
ceiling,' continued Crass.  'Ain't it?'

`Yes; that's true enough,' said Harlow.

`Do you believe they're 'is own designs?' Crass went on.

`Be rather 'ard to tell,' remarked Easton, embarrassed.

Neither Harlow nor Easton shared Crass's sentiments in this matter,
but at the same time they could not afford to offend him by sticking
up for Owen.

`If you was to ast me, quietly,' Crass added, `I should be more
inclined to say as 'e copied it all out of some book.'

`That's just about the size of it, mate,' agreed Harlow.

`It would be a bit of all right if 'e was to make a bloody mess of it,
wouldn't it?' Crass continued with a malignant leer.

`Not arf!' said Harlow.

When the two men regained the upper landing on which they were working
they exchanged significant glances and laughed quietly.  Hearing these
half-suppressed sounds of merriment, Philpot, who was working alone in
a room close by, put his head out of the doorway.

`Wot's the game?' he inquired in a low voice.

`Ole Crass ain't arf wild about Owen doin' that room,' replied Harlow,
and repeated the substance of Crass's remarks.

`It is a bit of a take-down for the bleeder, ain't it, 'avin' to play
second fiddle,' said Philpot with a delighted grin.

`'E's opin' Owen'll make a mess of it,' Easton whispered.

`Well, 'e'll be disappointed, mate,' answered Philpot.  `I was workin'
along of Owen for Pushem and Sloggem about two year ago, and I seen
'im do a job down at the Royal 'Otel - the smokin'-room ceilin' it was -
and I can tell you it looked a bloody treat!'

`I've heard tell of it,' said Harlow.

`There's no doubt Owen knows 'is work,' remarked Easton, 'although 'e
is a bit orf is onion about Socialism.'

`I don't know so much about that, mate,' returned Philpot.  `I agree
with a lot that 'e ses.  I've often thought the same things meself,
but I can't talk like 'im, 'cause I ain't got no 'ead for it.'

`I agree with some of it too,' said Harlow with a laugh, `but all the
same 'e does say some bloody silly things, you must admit.  For
instance, that stuff about money bein' the cause of poverty.'

`Yes. I can't exactly see that meself,' agreed Philpot.

`We must tackle 'im about that at dinner-time,' said Harlow.  `I
should rather like to 'ear 'ow 'e makes it out.'

`For Gord's sake don't go startin' no arguments at dinner-time,' said
Easton.  `Leave 'im alone when 'e is quiet.'

`Yes; let's 'ave our dinner in peace, if possible,' said Philpot.
`Sh!!' he added, hoarsely, suddenly holding up his hand warningly.
They listened intently.  It was evident from the creaking of the
stairs that someone was crawling up them.  Philpot instantly
disappeared.  Harlow lifted up the pail of whitewash and set it down
again noisily.

`I think we'd better 'ave the steps and the plank over this side,
Easton,' he said in a loud voice.

`Yes.  I think that'll be the best way,' replied Easton.

While they were arranging their scaffold to do the ceiling Crass
arrived on the landing.  He made no remark at first, but walked into
the room to see how many ceilings they had done.

`You'd better look alive, you chaps, he said as he went downstairs
again.  `If we don't get these ceilings finished by dinner-time,
Nimrod's sure to ramp.'

`All right,' said Harlow, gruffly.  `We'll bloody soon slosh 'em

`Slosh' was a very suitable word; very descriptive of the manner in
which the work was done.  The cornices of the staircase ceilings were
enriched with plaster ornaments.  These ceilings were supposed to have
been washed off, but as the men who were put to do that work had not
been allowed sufficient time to do it properly, the crevices of the
ornaments were still filled up with old whitewash, and by the time
Harlow and Easton had `sloshed' a lot more whitewash on to them they
were mere formless unsightly lumps of plaster.  The `hands' who did
the `washing off' were not to blame.  They had been hunted away from
the work before it was half done.

While Harlow and Easton were distempering these ceiling, Philpot and
the other hands were proceeding with the painting in different parts
of the inside of the house, and Owen, assisted by Bert, was getting on
with the work in the drawing-room, striking chalk lines and measuring
and setting out the different panels.

There were no `political' arguments that day at dinner-time, to the
disappointment of Crass, who was still waiting for an opportunity to
produce the Obscurer cutting.  After dinner, when the others had all
gone back to their work, Philpot unobtrusively returned to the kitchen
and gathered up the discarded paper wrappers in which some of the men
had brought their food.  Spreading one of these open, he shook the
crumbs from the others upon it.  In this way and by picking up
particles of bread from the floor, he collected a little pile of
crumbs and crusts.  To these he added some fragments that he had left
from his own dinner.  He then took the parcel upstairs and opening one
of the windows threw the crumbs on to the roof of the portico.  He had
scarcely closed the window when two starlings fluttered down and began
to eat.  Philpot watching them furtively from behind the shutter.  The
afternoon passed uneventfully. From one till five seemed a very long
time to most of the hands, but to Owen and his mate, who was doing
something in which they were able to feel some interest and pleasure,
the time passed so rapidly that they both regretted the approach of

`Other days,' remarked Bert, `I always keeps on wishin' it was time to
go 'ome, but today seems to 'ave gorn like lightnin'!'

After leaving off that night, all the men kept together till they
arrived down town, and then separated.  Owen went by himself: Easton,
Philpot, Crass and Bundy adjourned to the `Cricketers Arms' to have a
drink together before going home, and Slyme, who was a teetotaler,
went by himself, although he was now lodging with Easton.

`Don't wait for me,' said the latter as he went off with Crass and the
others.  `I shall most likely catch you up before you get there.'

`All right,' replied Slyme.

This evening Slyme did not take the direct road home.  He turned into
the main street, and, pausing before the window of a toy shop,
examined the articles displayed therein attentively.  After some
minutes he appeared to have come to a decision, and entering the shop
he purchased a baby's rattle for fourpence halfpenny.  It was a pretty
toy made of white bone and coloured wool, with a number of little
bells hanging upon it, and a ring of white bone at the end of the

When he came out of the shop Slyme set out for home, this time walking
rapidly.  When he entered the house Ruth was sitting by the fire with
the baby on her lap.  She looked up with an expression of
disappointment as she perceived that he was alone.

`Where's Will got to again?' she asked.

`He's gone to 'ave a drink with some of the chaps.  He said he
wouldn't be long,' replied Slyme as he put his food basket on the
dresser and went upstairs to his room to wash and to change his clothes.

When he came down again, Easton had not yet arrived.

`Everything's ready, except just to make the tea,' said Ruth, who was
evidently annoyed at the continued absence of Easton, `so you may as
well have yours now.'

`I'm in no hurry.  I'll wait a little and see if he comes.  He's sure
to be here soon.'

`If you're sure you don't mind, I shall be glad if you will wait,'
said Ruth, `because it will save me making two lots of tea.'

They waited for about half an hour, talking at intervals in a
constrained, awkward way about trivial subjects.  Then as Easton did
not come, Ruth decided to serve Slyme without waiting any longer.
With this intention she laid the baby in its cot, but the child
resented this arrangement and began to cry, so she had to hold him
under her left arm while she made the tea.  Seeing her in this
predicament, Slyme exclaimed, holding out his hands:

`Here, let me hold him while you do that.'

`Will you?' said Ruth, who, in spite of her instinctive dislike of the
man, could not help feeling gratified with this attention.  `Well,
mind you don't let him fall.'

But the instant Slyme took hold of the child it began to cry even
louder than it did when it was put into the cradle.

`He's always like that with strangers,' apologized Ruth as she took
him back again.

`Wait a minute,' said Slyme, `I've got something upstairs in my pocket
that will keep him quiet.  I'd forgotten all about it.'

He went up to his room and presently returned with the rattle.  When
the baby saw the bright colours and heard the tinkling of the bells he
crowed with delight, and reached out his hands eagerly towards it and
allowed Slyme to take him without a murmur of protest.  Before Ruth
had finished making and serving the tea the man and child were on the
very best of terms with each other, so much so indeed that when Ruth
had finished and went to take him again, the baby seemed reluctant to
part from Slyme, who had been dancing him in the air and tickling him
in the most delightful way.

Ruth, too, began to have a better opinion of Slyme, and felt inclined
to reproach herself for having taken such an unreasonable dislike of
him at first.  He was evidently a very good sort of fellow after all.

The baby had by this time discovered the use of the bone ring at the
end of the handle of the toy and was biting it energetically.

`It's a very beautiful rattle,' said Ruth.  'Thank you very much for
it.  It's just the very thing he wanted.'

`I heard you say the other day that he wanted something of the kind to
bite on to help his teeth through,' answered Slyme, `and when I
happened to notice that in the shop I remembered what you said and
thought I'd bring it home.'

The baby took the ring out of its mouth and shaking the rattle
frantically in the air laughed and crowed merrily, looking at Slyme.

`Dad! Dad! Dad!' he cried, holding out his arms.

Slyme and Ruth burst out laughing.

`That's not your Dad, you silly boy,' she said, kissing the child as
she spoke.  `Your dad ought to be ashamed of himself for staying out
like this.  We'll give him dad, dad, dad, when he does come home,
won't we?'

But the baby only shook the rattle and rang the bells and laughed and
crowed and laughed again, louder than ever.

Chapter 19

The Filling of the Tank

Viewed from outside, the `Cricketers Arms' was a pretentious-looking
building with plate-glass windows and a profusion of gilding.  The
pilasters were painted in imitation of different marbles and the doors
grained to represent costly woods.  There were panels containing
painted advertisements of wines and spirits and beer, written in gold,
and ornamented with gaudy colours.  On the lintel over the principal
entrance was inscribed in small white letters:

`A. Harpy.  Licensed to sell wines, spirits and malt liquor by retail
to be consumed either on or off the premises.'

The bar was arranged in the usual way, being divided into several
compartments.  First there was the `Saloon Bar': on the glass of the
door leading into this was fixed a printed bill: `No four ale served
in this bar.'  Next to the saloon bar was the jug and bottle
department, much appreciated by ladies who wished to indulge in a drop
of gin on the quiet.  There were also two small `private' bars, only
capable of holding two or three persons, where nothing less than
fourpennyworth of spirits or glasses of ale at threepence were served.
Finally, the public bar, the largest compartment of all.  At each end,
separating it from the other departments, was a wooden partition,
painted and varnished.

Wooden forms fixed across the partitions and against the walls under
the windows provided seating accommodation for the customers.  A large
automatic musical instrument - a `penny in the slot' polyphone -
resembling a grandfather's clock in shape - stood against one of the
partitions and close up to the counter, so that those behind the bar
could reach to wind it up.  Hanging on the partition near the
polyphone was a board about fifteen inches square, over the surface of
which were distributed a number of small hooks, numbered.  At the
bottom of the board was a net made of fine twine, extended by means of
a semi-circular piece of wire.  In this net several india-rubber rings
about three inches in diameter were lying.  There was no table in the
place but jutting out from the other partition was a hinged flap about
three feet long by twenty inches wide, which could be folded down when
not in use.  This was the shove-ha'penny board.  The coins - old
French pennies - used in playing this game were kept behind the bar
and might be borrowed on application.  On the partition, just above
the shove-ha'penny board was a neatly printed notice, framed and


              Gentlemen using this house are requested to
                 refrain from using obscene language.

Alongside this notice were a number of gaudily-coloured bills
advertising the local theatre and the music-hall, and another of a
travelling circus and menagerie, then visiting the town and encamped
on a piece of waste ground about half-way on the road to Windley.  The
fittings behind the bar, and the counter, were of polished mahogany,
with silvered plate glass at the back of the shelves.  On the shelves
were rows of bottles and cut-glass decanters, gin, whisky, brandy and
wines and liqueurs of different kinds.

When Crass, Philpot, Easton and Bundy entered, the landlord, a
well-fed, prosperous-looking individual in white shirt-sleeves, and a
bright maroon fancy waistcoat with a massive gold watch-chain and a
diamond ring, was conversing in an affable, friendly way with one of
his regular customers, who was sitting on the end of the seat close to
the counter, a shabbily dressed, bleary-eyed, degraded, beer-sodden,
trembling wretch, who spent the greater part of every day, and all his
money, in this bar.  He was a miserable-looking wreck of a man about
thirty years of age, supposed to be a carpenter, although he never
worked at that trade now.  It was commonly said that some years
previously he had married a woman considerably his senior, the
landlady of a third-rate lodging-house.  This business was evidently
sufficiently prosperous to enable him to exist without working and to
maintain himself in a condition of perpetual semi-intoxication.  This
besotted wretch practically lived at the 'Cricketers'.  He came
regularly very morning and sometimes earned a pint of beer by
assisting the barman to sweep up the sawdust or clean the windows.  He
usually remained in the bar until closing time every night.  He was a
very good customer; not only did he spend whatever money he could get
hold of himself, but he was the cause of others spending money, for he
was acquainted with most of the other regular customers, who, knowing
his impecunious condition, often stood him a drink `for the good of
the house'.

The only other occupant of the public bar - previous to the entrance
of Crass and his mates - was a semi-drunken man, who appeared to be a
house-painter, sitting on the form near the shove-ha'penny board.  He
was wearing a battered bowler hat and the usual shabby clothes.  This
individual had a very thin, pale face, with a large, high-bridged
nose, and bore a striking resemblance to the portraits of the first
Duke of Wellington.  He was not a regular customer here, having
dropped in casually about two o'clock and had remained ever since.  He
was beginning to show the effects of the drink he had taken during
that time.

As Crass and the others came in they were hailed with enthusiasm by
the landlord and the Besotted Wretch, while the semi-drunk workman
regarded them with fishy eyes and stupid curiosity.

`Wot cheer, Bob?' said the landlord, affably, addressing Crass, and
nodding familiarly to the others.  `'Ow goes it?'

`All reet me ole dear!' replied Crass, jovially.  `'Ow's yerself?'

`A.1,' replied the `Old Dear', getting up from his chair in readiness
to execute their orders.

`Well, wot's it to be?' inquired Philpot of the others generally.

`Mine's a pint o' beer,' said Crass.

`Half for me,' said Bundy.

`Half o' beer for me too,' replied Easton.

`That's one pint, two 'arves, and a pint o' porter for meself,' said
Philpot, turning and addressing the Old Dear.

While the landlord was serving these drinks the Besotted Wretch
finished his beer and set the empty glass down on the counter, and
Philpot observing this, said to him:

`'Ave one along o' me?'

`I don't mind if I do,' replied the other.

When the drinks were served, Philpot, instead of paying for them,
winked significantly at the landlord, who nodded silently and
unobtrusively made an entry in an account book that was lying on one
of the shelves.  Although it was only Monday and he had been at work
all the previous week, Philpot was already stony broke.  This was
accounted for by the fact that on Saturday he had paid his landlady
something on account of the arrears of board and lodging money that
had accumulated while he was out of work; and he had also paid the Old
Dear four shillings for drinks obtained on tick during the last week.

`Well, 'ere's the skin orf yer nose,' said Crass, nodding to Philpot,
and taking a long pull at the pint glass which the latter had handed
to him.

Similar appropriate and friendly sentiments were expressed by the
others and suitably acknowledged by Philpot, the founder of the feast.

The Old Dear now put a penny in the slot of the polyphone, and winding
it up started it playing. It was some unfamiliar tune, but when the
Semi-drunk Painter heard it he rose unsteadily to his feet and began
shuffling and dancing about, singing:

                'Oh, we'll inwite you to the wedding,
                   An' we'll 'ave a glorious time!
                Where the boys an' girls is a-dancing,
                  An' we'll all get drunk on wine.'

`'Ere! that's quite enough o' that!' cried the landlord, roughly.  `We
don't want that row 'ere.'

The Semi-drunk stopped, and looking stupidly at the Old Dear, sank
abashed on to the seat again.

`Well, we may as well sit as stand - for a few minutes,' remarked
Crass, suiting the action to the word.  The others followed his

At frequent intervals the bar was entered by fresh customers, most of
them working men on their way home, who ordered and drank their pint
or half-pint of ale or porter and left at once.  Bundy began reading
the advertisement of the circus and menageries and a conversation
ensued concerning the wonderful performances of the trained animals.
The Old Dear said that some of them had as much sense as human beings,
and the manner with which he made this statement implied that he
thought it was a testimonial to the sagacity of the brutes.  He
further said that he had heard - a little earlier in the evening - a
rumour that one of the wild animals, a bear or something, had broken
loose and was at present at large.  This was what he had heard - he
didn't know if it were true or not.  For his own part he didn't
believe it, and his hearers agreed that it was highly improbable.
Nobody ever knew how these silly yarns got about.

Presently the Besotted Wretch got up and, taking the india-rubber
rings out of the net with a trembling hand, began throwing them one at
a time at the hooks on the. board.  The rest of the company watched
him with much interest, laughing when he made a very bad shot and
applauding when he scored.

`'E's a bit orf tonight,' remarked Philpot aside to Easton, 'but as a
rule 'e's a fair knockout at it.  Throws a splendid ring.'

The Semidrunk regarded the proceedings of the Besotted Wretch with an
expression of profound contempt.

`You can't play for nuts,' he said scornfully.

`Can't I?  I can play you, anyway.'

`Right you are!  I'll play you for drinks round!' cried the

For a moment the Besotted Wretch hesitated.  He had not money enough
to pay for drinks round.  However, feeling confident of winning, he

`Come on then.  What's it to be?  Fifty up?'

`Anything you like!  Fifty or a 'undred or a bloody million!'

`Better make it fifty for a start.'

`All right!'

`You play first if you like.'

`All right,' agreed the Semi-drunk, anxious to distinguish himself.
Holding the six rings in his left hand, the man stood in the middle of
the floor at a distance of about three yards from the board, with his
right foot advanced.  Taking one of the rings between the forefinger
and thumb of his right hand, and closing his left eye, he carefully
`sighted' the centre hook, No. 13; then he slowly extended his arm to
its full length in the direction of the board: then bending his elbow,
he brought his hand back again until it nearly touched his chin, and
slowly extended his arm again.  He repeated these movements several
times, whilst the others watched with bated breath.  Getting it right
at last he suddenly shot the ring at the board, but it did not go on
No. 13; it went over the partition into the private bar.

This feat was greeted with a roar of laughter.  The player stared at
the board in a dazed way, wondering what had become of the ring.  When
someone in the next bar threw it over the partition again, he realized
what had happened and, turning to the company with a sickly smile,

`I ain't got properly used to this board yet: that's the reason of

He now began throwing the other rings at the board rather wildly,
without troubling to take aim.  One struck the partition to the right
of the board: one to the left: one underneath: one went over the
counter, one on the floor, the other - the last - hit the board, and
amid a shout of applause, caught on the centre hook No. 13, the
highest number it was possible to scare with a single throw.

`I shall be all right now that I've got the range,' observed the Semi-
drunk as he made way for his opponent.

`You'll see something now,' whispered Philpot to Easton. 'This bloke
is a dandy!'

The Besotted Wretch took up his position and with an affectation of
carelessness began throwing the rings.  It was really a remarkable
exhibition, for notwithstanding the fact that his hand trembled like
the proverbial aspen leaf, he succeeded in striking the board almost
in the centre every time; but somehow or other most of them failed to
catch on the hooks and fell into the net.  When he finished his
innings, he had only scored 4, two of the rings having caught on the
No. 2 hook.

`'Ard lines,' remarked Bundy as he finished his beer and put the glass
down on the counter.

`Drink up and 'ave another,' said Easton as he drained his own glass.

`I don't mind if I do,' replied Crass, pouring what remained of the
pint down his throat.

Philpot's glass had been empty for some time.

`Same again,' said Easton, addressing the Old Dear and putting six
pennies on the counter.

By this time the Semi-drunk had again opened fire on the board, but he
seemed to have lost the range, for none of the rings scored.

They flew all over the place, and he finished his innings without
increasing his total.

The Besotted Wretch now sailed in and speedily piled up 37.  Then the
Semi-drunk had another go, and succeeded in getting 8.  His case
appeared hopeless, but his opponent in his next innings seemed to go
all to pieces.  Twice he missed the board altogether, and when he did
hit it he failed to score, until the very last throw, when he made 1.
Then the Semi-drunk went in again and got 10.

The scores were now:

        Besotted Wretch ........................ 42
        Semi-drunk ............................. 31

So far it was impossible to foresee the end.  It was anybody's game.
Crass became so excited that he absentmindedly opened his mouth and
shot his second pint down into his stomach with a single gulp, and
Bundy also drained his glass and called upon Philpot and Easton to
drink up and have another, which they accordingly did.

While the Semi-drunk was having his next innings, the Besotted Wretch
placed a penny on the counter and called for a half a pint, which he
drank in the hope of steadying his nerves for a great effort.  His
opponent meanwhile threw the rings at the board and missed it every
time, but all the same he scored, for one ring, after striking the
partition about a foot above the board, fell down and caught on the

The other man now began his innings, playing very carefully, and
nearly every ring scored. As he played, the others uttered
exclamations of admiration and called out the result of every throw.


`One again!'

`Miss!  No!  Got 'im!  Two!'




The Semi-drunk accepted his defeat with a good grace, and after
explaining that he was a bit out of practice, placed a shilling on the
counter and invited the company to give their orders.  Everyone asked
for `the same again,' but the landlord served Easton, Bundy and the
Besotted Wretch with pints instead of half-pints as before, so there
was no change out of the shilling.

`You know, there's a great deal in not bein' used to the board,' said
the Semi-drunk.

`There's no disgrace in bein' beat by a man like 'im, mate,' said
Philpot.  `'E's a champion!'

`Yes, there's no mistake about it.  'E throws a splendid ring!' said

This was the general verdict.  The Semi-drunk, though beaten, was not
disgraced: and he was so affected by the good feeling manifested by
the company that he presently produced a sixpence and insisted on
paying for another half-pint all round.

Crass had gone outside during this conversation, but he returned in a
few minutes.  `I feel a bit easier now,' he remarked with a laugh as
he took the half-pint glass that the Semi-drunk passed to him with a
shaking hand.  One after the other, within a few minutes, the rest
followed Crass's example, going outside and returning almost
immediately: and as Bundy, who was the last to return, came back he

`Let's 'ave a game of shove-'a'penny.'

`All right,' said Easton, who was beginning to feel reckless.  `But
drink up first, and let's 'ave another.'

He had only sevenpence left, just enough to pay for another pint for
Crass and half a pint for everyone else.

The shove-ha'penny table was a planed mahogany board with a number of
parallel lines scored across it.  The game is played by placing the
coin at the end of the board - the rim slightly overhanging the edge -
and striking it with the back part of the palm of the hand, regulating
the force of the blow according to the distance it is desired to drive
the coin.

`What's become of Alf tonight?' inquired Philpot of the landlord
whilst Easton and Bundy were playing.  Alf was the barman.

`'E's doing a bit of a job down in the cellar; some of the valves gone
a bit wrong.  But the missus is comin' down to lend me a hand
presently.  'Ere she is now.'

The landlady - who at this moment entered through the door at the back
of the bar - was a large woman with a highly-coloured countenance and
a tremendous bust, incased in a black dress with a shot silk blouse.
She had several jewelled gold rings on the fingers of each fat white
hand, and a long gold watch guard hung round her fat neck.  She
greeted Crass and Philpot with condescension, smiling affably upon

Meantime the game of shove-ha'penny proceeded merrily, the Semi-drunk
taking a great interest in it and tendering advice to both players
impartially.  Bundy was badly beaten, and then Easton suggested that
it was time to think of going home.  This proposal - slightly modified -
met with general approval, the modification being suggested by
Philpot, who insisted on standing one final round of drinks before
they went.

While they were pouring this down their throats, Crass took a penny
from his waistcoat pocket and put it in the slot of the polyphone.
The landlord put a fresh disc into it and wound it up and it began to
play `The Boys of the Bulldog Breed.'  The Semi-drunk happened to know
the words of the chorus of this song, and when he heard the music he
started unsteadily to his feet and with many fierce looks and gestures
began to roar at the top of his voice:

        `They may build their ships, my lads,
        And try to play the game,
        But they can't build the boys of the Bulldog breed,
        Wot made ole Hingland's -'

`'Ere! Stop that, will yer?' cried the Old Dear, fiercely.  `I told
you once before that I don't allow that sort of thing in my 'ouse!'

The Semi-drunk stopped in confusion.

`I don't mean no 'arm,' he said unsteadily, appealing to the company.

`I don't want no chin from you!' said the Old Dear with a ferocious
scowl.  `If you want to make that row you can go somewheres else, and
the sooner you goes the better.  You've been 'ere long enough.'

This was true.  The man had been there long enough to spend every
penny he had been possessed of when he first came: he had no money
left now, a fact that the observant and experienced landlord had
divined some time ago.  He therefore wished to get rid of the fellow
before the drink affected him further and made him helplessly drunk.
The Semi-drunk listened with indignation and wrath to the landlord's
insulting words.

`I shall go when the bloody 'ell I like!' he shouted.  `I shan't ask
you nor nobody else!  Who the bloody 'ell are you?  You're nobody!
See?  Nobody!  It's orf the likes of me that you gets your bloody
livin'!  I shall stop 'ere as long as I bloody well like, and if you
don't like it you can go to 'ell!'

`Oh!  Yer will, will yer?' said the Old Dear.  `We'll soon see about
that.'  And, opening the door at the back of the bar, he roared out:


`Yes, sir,' replied a voice, evidently from the basement.

`Just come up 'ere.'

`All right,' replied the voice, and footsteps were heard ascending
some stairs.

`You'll see some fun in a minute,' gleefully remarked Crass to Easton.

The polyphone continued to play 1The Boys of the Bulldog Breed.'

Philpot crossed over to the Semi-drunk.  `Look 'ere, old man,' he
whispered, `take my tip and go 'ome quietly.  You'll only git the
worse of it, you know.'

`Not me, mate,' replied the other, shaking his head doggedly.  `'Ere I
am, and 'ere I'm goin' to bloody well stop.'

`No, you ain't,' replied Philpot coaxingly. `'Look 'ere. I'll tell you
wot we'll do.  You 'ave just one more 'arf-pint along of me, and then
we'll both go 'ome together.  I'll see you safe 'ome.'

`See me safe 'ome! Wotcher mean?' indignantly demanded the other.  'Do
you think I'm drunk or wot?'

`No.  Certainly not,' replied Philpot, hastily.  `You're all right, as
right as I am myself.  But you know wot I mean.  Let's go 'ome.  You
don't want to stop 'ere all night, do you?'

By this time Alf had arrived at the door of the back of the bar.  He
was a burly young man about twenty-two or twenty-three years of age.

`Put it outside,' growled the landlord, indicating the culprit.

The barman instantly vaulted over the counter, and, having opened wide
the door leading into the street, he turned to the half-drunken man
and, jerking his thumb in the direction of the door, said:

`Are yer goin'?'

`I'm goin' to 'ave 'arf a pint along of this genelman first -'

`Yes.  It's all right,' said Philpot to the landlord.  `Let's 'ave two
'arf-pints, and say no more about it.'

`You mind your own business,' shouted the landlord, turning savagely
on him.  `'E'll get no more 'ere!  I don't want no drunken men in my
'ouse.  Who asked you to interfere?'

`Now then!' exclaimed the barman to the cause of the trouble,

`Not me!' said the Semi-drunk firmly.  `Not before I've 'ad my 'arf -'

But before he could conclude, the barman had clutched him by the
collar, dragged him violently to the door and shot him into the middle
of the road, where he fell in a heap almost under the wheels of a
brewer's dray that happened to be passing.  This accomplished, Alf
shut the door and retired behind the counter again.

`Serve 'im bloody well right,' said Crass.

`I couldn't 'elp laughin' when I seen 'im go flyin' through the bloody
door,' said Bundy.

`You oughter 'ave more sense than to go interferin' like that,' said
Crass to Philpot.  `It was nothing to do with you.'

Philpot made no reply.  He was standing with his back to the others,
peeping out into the street over the top of the window casing.  Then
he opened the door and went out into the street.  Crass and the others
- through the window - watched him assist the Semi-drunk to his feet
and rub some of the dirt off his clothes, and presently after some
argument they saw the two go away together arm in arm.

Crass and the others laughed, and returned to their half-finished

`Why, old Joe ain't drunk 'ardly 'arf of 'is!' cried Easton, seeing
Philpot's porter on the counter.  'Fancy going away like that!'

`More fool 'im,' growled Crass.  `There was no need for it: the man's
all right.'

The Besotted Wretch gulped his beer down as quickly as he could, with
his eyes fixed greedily on Philpot's glass. He had just finished his
own and was about to suggest that it was a pity to waste the porter
when Philpot unexpectedly reappeared.

`Hullo!  What 'ave you done with 'im?' inquired Crass.

`I think 'e'll be all right,' replied Philpot.  `He wouldn't let me go
no further with 'im: said if I didn't go away, 'e'd go for me!  But I
believe 'e'll be all right.  I think the fall sobered 'im a bit.'

`Oh, 'e's all right,' said Crass offhandedly.  `There's nothing the
matter with 'im.'

Philpot now drank his porter, and bidding `good night' to the Old
Dear, the landlady and the Besotted Wretch, they all set out for home.
As they went along the dark and lonely thoroughfare that led over the
hill to Windley, they heard from time to time the weird roaring of the
wild animals in the menagerie that was encamped in the adjacent field.
Just as they reached a very gloomy and deserted part, they suddenly
observed a dark object in the middle of the road some distance in
front of them.  It seemed to be a large animal of some kind and was
coming slowly and stealthily towards them.

They stopped, peering in a half-frightened way through the darkness.
The animal continued to approach.  Bundy stooped down to the ground,
groping about in search of a stone, and - with the exception of Crass,
who was too frightened to move - the others followed his example.
They found several large stones and stood waiting for the creature -
whatever it was - to come a little nearer so as to get a fair shot at
it.  They were about to let fly when the creature fell over on its
side and moaned as if in pain.  Observing this, the four men advanced
cautiously towards it.  Bundy struck a match and held it over the
prostrate figure.  It was the Semi-drunk.

After parting from Philpot, the poor wretch had managed to walk all
right for some distance.  As Philpot had remarked, the fall had to
some extent sobered him; but he had not gone very far before the drink
he had taken began to affect him again and he had fallen down.
Finding it impossible to get up, he began crawling along on his hands
and knees, unconscious of the fact that he was travelling in the wrong
direction.  Even this mode of progression failed him at last, and he
would probably have been run over if they had not found him.  They
raised him up, and Philpot, exhorting him to `pull himself together'
inquired where he lived.  The man had sense enough left to be able to
tell them his address, which was fortunately at Windley, where they
all resided.

Bundy and Philpot took him home, separating from Crass and Easton at
the corner of the street where both the latter lived.

Crass felt very full and satisfied with himself. He had had six and a
half pints of beer, and had listened to two selections on the
polyphone at a total cost of one penny.

Easton had but a few yards to go before reaching his own house after
parting from Crass, but he paused directly he heard the latter's door
close, and leaning against a street lamp yielded to the feeling of
giddiness and nausea that he had been fighting against all the way
home.  All the inanimate objects around him seemed to be in motion.
The lights of the distant street lamps appeared to be floating about
the pavement and the roadway rose and fell like the surface of a
troubled sea.  He searched his pockets for his handkerchief and having
found it wiped his mouth, inwardly congratulating himself that Crass
was not there to see him.  Resuming his walk, after a few minutes he
reached his own home.  As he passed through, the gate closed of itself
after him, clanging loudly.  He went rather unsteadily up the narrow
path that led to his front door and entered.

The baby was asleep in the cradle.  Slyme had gone up to his own room,
and Ruth was sitting sewing by the fireside.  The table was still set
for two persons, for she had not yet taken her tea.

Easton lurched in noisily.  `'Ello, old girl!' he cried, throwing his
dinner basket carelessly on the floor with an affectation of joviality
and resting his hands on the table to support himself.  `I've come at
last, you see.'

Ruth left off sewing, and, letting her hands fall into her lap, sat
looking at him.  She had never seen him like this before.  His face
was ghastly pale, the eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed, the lips
tremulous and moist, and the ends of the hair of his fair moustache,
stuck together with saliva and stained with beer, hung untidily round
his mouth in damp clusters.

Perceiving that she did not speak or smile, Easton concluded that she
was angry and became grave himself.

`I've come at last, you see, my dear; better late than never.'

He found it very difficult to speak plainly, for his lips trembled and
refused to form the words.

`I don't know so much about that,' said Ruth, inclined to cry and
trying not to let him see the pity she could not help feeling for him.
`A nice state you're in.  You ought to be ashamed of yourself.'

Easton shook his head and laughed foolishly.  `Don't be angry, Ruth.
It's no good, you know.'

He walked clumsily towards her, still leaning on the table to steady

`Don't be angry,' he mumbled as he stooped over her, putting his arm
round her neck and his face close to hers.  `It's no good being angry,
you know, dear.'

She shrank away, shuddering with involuntary disgust as he pressed his
wet lips and filthy moustache upon her mouth.  His fetid breath, foul
with the smell of tobacco and beer, and the odour of the stale tobacco
smoke that exuded from his clothes filled her with loathing.  He
kissed her repeatedly and when at last he released her she hastily
wiped her face with her handkerchief and shivered.

Easton said he did not want any tea, and went upstairs to bed almost
immediately.  Ruth did not want any tea either now, although she had
been very hungry before he came home.  She sat up very late, sewing,
and when at length she did go upstairs she found him lying on his
back, partly undressed on the outside of the bedclothes, with his
mouth wide open, breathing stertorously.

Chapter 20

The Forty Thieves.  The Battle: Brigands versus Bandits

This is an even more unusually dull and uninteresting chapter, and
introduces several matters that may appear to have nothing to do with
the case.  The reader is nevertheless entreated to peruse it, because
it contains certain information necessary to an understanding of this

The town of Mugsborough was governed by a set of individuals called
the Municipal Council.  Most of these `representatives of the people'
were well-to-do or retired tradesmen.  In the opinion of the
inhabitants of Mugsborough, the fact that a man had succeeded in
accumulating money in business was a clear demonstration of his
fitness to be entrusted with the business of the town.

Consequently, when that very able and successful man of business Mr
George Rushton was put up for election to the Council he was returned
by a large majority of the votes of the working men who thought him an
ideal personage ...

These Brigands did just as they pleased.  No one ever interfered with
them.  They never consulted the ratepayers in any way.  Even at
election time they did not trouble to hold meetings: each one of them
just issued a kind of manifesto setting forth his many noble qualities
and calling upon the people for their votes: and the latter never
failed to respond.  They elected the same old crew time after time ...

The Brigands committed their depredations almost unhindered, for the
voters were engaged in the Battle of Life.  Take the public park for
instance.  Like so many swine around a trough - they were so busily
engaged in this battle that most of them had no time to go to the
park, or they might have noticed that there were not so many costly
plants there as there should have been.  And if they had inquired
further they would have discovered that nearly all the members of the
Town Council had very fine gardens.  There was reason for these
gardens being so grand, for the public park was systematically robbed
of its best to make them so.

There was a lake in the park where large numbers of ducks and geese
were kept at the ratepayers' expense.  In addition to the food
provided for these fowl with public money, visitors to the park used
to bring them bags of biscuits and bread crusts.  When the ducks and
geese were nicely fattened the Brigands used to carry them off and
devour them at home.  When they became tired of eating duck or goose,
some of the Councillors made arrangements with certain butchers and
traded away the birds for meat.

One of the most energetic members of the Band was Mr Jeremiah Didlum,
the house-furnisher, who did a large hire system trade.  He had an
extensive stock of second-hand furniture that he had resumed
possession of when the unfortunate would-be purchasers failed to pay
the instalments regularly.  Other of the second-hand things had been
purchased for a fraction of their real value at Sheriff's sales or
from people whom misfortune or want of employment had reduced to the
necessity of selling their household possessions.

Another notable member of the Band was Mr Amos Grinder, who had
practically monopolized the greengrocery trade and now owned nearly
all the fruiterers' shops in the town.  As for the other shops, if
they did not buy their stocks from him - or, rather, the company of
which he was managing director and principal shareholder - if these
other fruiterers and greengrocers did not buy their stuff from his
company, he tried to smash them by opening branches in their
immediate neighbourhood and selling below cost.  He was a self-made
man: an example of what may be accomplished by cunning and

Then there was the Chief of the Band - Mr Adam Sweater, the Mayor.  He
was always the Chief, although he was not always Mayor, it being the
rule that the latter `honour' should be enjoyed by all the members of
the Band in turn.  A bright `honour', forsooth! to be the first
citizen in a community composed for the most part of ignorant
semi-imbeciles, slaves, slave-drivers and psalm-singing hypocrites.
Mr Sweater was the managing director and principal shareholder of a
large drapery business in which he had amassed a considerable fortune.
This was not very surprising, considering that he paid none of his
workpeople fair wages and many of them no wages at all.  He employed a
great number of girls and young women who were supposed to be learning
dressmaking, mantle-making or millinery.  These were all indentured
apprentices, some of whom had paid premiums of from five to ten
pounds.  They were `bound' for three years.  For the first two years
they received no wages: the third year they got a shilling or
eightpence a week.  At the end of the third year they usually got the
sack, unless they were willing to stay on as improvers at from three
shillings to four and sixpence per week.

They worked from half past eight in the morning till eight at night,
with an interval of an hour for dinner, and at half past four they
ceased work for fifteen minutes for tea.  This was provided by the
firm - half a pint for each girl, but they had to bring their own milk
and sugar and bread and butter.

Few of the girls ever learned their trades thoroughly.  Some were
taught to make sleeves; others cuffs or button-holes, and so on.  The
result was that in a short time each one became very expert and quick
at one thing; and although their proficiency in this one thing would
never enable them to earn a decent living, it enabled Mr Sweater to
make money during the period of their apprenticeship, and that was all
he cared about.

Occasionally a girl of intelligence and spirit would insist on the
fulfilment of the terms of her indentures, and sometimes the parents
would protest.  If this were persisted in those girls got on better:
but even these were turned to good account by the wily Sweater, who
induced the best of them to remain after their time was up by paying
them what appeared - by contrast with the others girls' money - good
wages, sometimes even seven or eight shillings a week! and liberal
promises of future advancement.  These girls then became a sort of
reserve who could be called up to crush any manifestation of
discontent on the part of the leading hands.

The greater number of the girls, however, submitted tamely to the
conditions imposed upon them.  They were too young to realize the
wrong that was being done them.  As for their parents, it never
occurred to them to doubt the sincerity of so good a man as Mr
Sweater, who was always prominent in every good and charitable work.

At the expiration of the girl's apprenticeship, if the parents
complained of her want of proficiency, the pious Sweater would
attribute it to idleness or incapacity, and as the people were
generally poor he seldom or never had any trouble with them.  This was
how he fulfilled the unctuous promise made to the confiding parents at
the time the girl was handed over to his tender mercy - that he would
`make a woman of her'.

This method of obtaining labour by false pretences and without
payment, which enabled him to produce costly articles for a mere
fraction of the price for which they were eventually sold, was adopted
in other departments of his business.  He procured shop assistants of
both sexes on the same terms.  A youth was indentured, usually for
five years, to be `Made a Man of and `Turned out fit to take a
Position in any House'.  If possible, a premium, five, ten, or twenty
pounds - according to their circumstances - would be extracted from
the parents.  For the first three years, no wages: after that, perhaps
two or three shillings a week.

At the end of the five years the work of `Making a Man of him' would
be completed.  Mr Sweater would then congratulate him and assure him
that he was qualified to assume a `position' in any House but regret
that there was no longer any room for him in his.  Business was so
bad.  Still, if the Man wished he might stay on until he secured a
better `position' and, as a matter of generosity, although he did not
really need the Man's services, he would pay him ten shillings per

Provided he was not addicted to drinking, smoking, gambling or the
Stock Exchange, or going to theatres, the young man's future was thus
assured.  Even if he were unsuccessful in his efforts to obtain
another position he could save a portion of his salary and eventually
commence business on his own account.

However, the branch of Mr Sweater's business to which it is desired to
especially direct the reader's attention was the Homeworkers
Department.  He employed a large number of women making ladies'
blouses, fancy aprons and children's pinafores.  Most of these
articles were disposed of wholesale in London and elsewhere, but some
were retailed at `Sweaters' Emporium' in Mugsborough and at the firm's
other retail establishments throughout the county.  Many of the women
workers were widows with children, who were glad to obtain any
employment that did not take hem away from their homes and families.

The blouses were paid for at tie rate of from two shillings to five
shillings a dozen, the women having to provide their own machine and
cotton, besides calling for and delivering the work.  These poor women
were able to clear from six to eight shillings a week: and to earn
even that they had to work almost incessantly for fourteen or sixteen
hours a day.  There was no time for cooling and very little to cook,
for they lived principally on bread and margarine and tea.  Their
homes were squalid, their children half-starved and raggedly clothed
in grotesque garments hastily fashioned out of the cast-off clothes of
charitable neighbours.

But it was not in vain that these women toiled every weary day until
exhaustion compelled them to case.  It was not in vain that they
passed their cheerless lives bending with aching shoulders over the
thankless work that barely brought them bread.  It was not in vain that
they and their children went famished and in rags, for after all, the
principal object of their labour was accomplished: the Good Cause was
advanced.  Mr Sweater waxed rich and increased in goods and

Of course, none of those women were COMPELLED to engage in that
glorious cause.  No one is compelled to accept any particular set of
conditions in a free country like this.  Mr Trafaim - the manager of
Sweater's Homework Department - always put the matter before them in
the plainest, fairest possible way.  There was the work: that was the
figure!  And those who didn't like it could leave it.  There was no

Sometimes some perverse creature belonging to that numerous class who
are too lazy to work DID leave it!  But as the manager said, there
were plenty of others who were only too glad to take it.  In fact,
such was the enthusiasm amongst these women - especially such of them
as had little children to provide for - and such was their zeal for
the Cause, that some of them have been known to positively beg to be
allowed to work!

By these and similar means Adam Sweater had contrived to lay up for
himself a large amount of treasure upon earth, besides attaining
undoubted respectability; for that he was respectable no one
questioned.  He went to chapel twice every Sunday, his obese figure
arrayed in costly apparel, consisting - with other things - of grey
trousers, a long garment called a frock-coat, a tall silk hat, a
quantity of jewellery and a morocco-bound gilt-edged Bible.  He was an
official of some sort of the Shining Light Chapel.  His name appeared
in nearly every published list of charitable subscriptions.  No
starving wretch had ever appealed to him in vain for a penny soup

Small wonder that when this good and public-spirited man offered his
services to the town - free of charge - the intelligent working men of
Mugsborough accepted his offer with enthusiastic applause.  The fact
that he had made money in business was a proof of his intellectual
capacity.  His much-advertised benevolence was a guarantee that his
abilities would be used to further not his own private interests, but
the interests of every section of the community, especially those of
the working classes, of whom the majority of his constituents was

As for the shopkeepers, they were all so absorbed in their own
business - so busily engaged chasing their employees, adding up their
accounts, and dressing themselves up in feeble imitation of the
`Haristocracy' - that they were incapable of taking a really
intelligent interest in anything else.  They thought of the Town
Council as a kind of Paradise reserved exclusively for jerry-builders
and successful tradesmen.  Possibly, some day, if they succeeded in
making money, they might become town councillors themselves! but in
the meantime public affairs were no particular concern of theirs.  So
some of them voted for Adam Sweater because he was a Liberal and some
of them voted against him for the same `reason'.

Now and then, when details of some unusually scandalous proceeding of
the Council's leaked out, the townspeople - roused for a brief space
from their customary indifference - would discuss the matter in a
casual, half-indignant, half-amused, helpless sort of way; but always
as if it were something that did not directly concern them.  It was
during some such nine days' wonder that the title of `The Forty
Thieves' was bestowed on the members of the Council by their
semi-imbecile constituents, who, not possessing sufficient
intelligence to devise means of punishing the culprits, affected to
regard the manoeuvres of the Brigands as a huge joke.

There was only one member of the Council who did not belong to the
Band - Councillor Weakling, a retired physician; but unfortunately he
also was a respectable man.  When he saw something going forwards that
he did not think was right, he protested and voted against it and then -
he collapsed!  There was nothing of the low agitator about HIM.  As
for the Brigands, they laughed at his protests and his vote did not

With this one exception, the other members of the band were very
similar in character to Sweater, Rushton, Didlum and Grinder.  They
had all joined the Band with the same objects, self-glorification and
the advancement of their private interests.  These were the real
reasons why they besought the ratepayers to elect them to the Council,
but of course none of them ever admitted that such was the case.  No!
When these noble-minded altruists offered their services to the town
they asked the people to believe that they were actuated by a desire
to give their time and abilities for the purpose of furthering the
interests of Others, which was much the same as asking them to believe
that it is possible for the leopard to change his spots.

Owing to the extraordinary apathy of the other inhabitants, the
Brigands were able to carry out their depredations undisturbed.
Daylight robberies were of frequent occurrence.

For many years these Brigands had looked with greedy eyes upon the
huge profits of the Gas Company.  They thought it was a beastly shame
that those other bandits should be always raiding the town and getting
clear away with such rich spoils.

At length - about two years ago - after much study and many private
consultations, a plan of campaign was evolved; a secret council of war
was held, presided over by Mr Sweater, and the Brigands formed
themselves into an association called `The Mugsborough Electric Light
Supply and Installation Coy. Ltd.', and bound themselves by a solemn
oath to do their best to drive the Gas Works Bandits out of the town
and to capture the spoils at present enjoyed by the latter for

There was a large piece of ground, the property of the town, that was
a suitable site for the works; so in their character of directors of
the Electric Light Coy. they offered to buy this land from the
Municipality - or, in other words, from themselves - for about half
its value.

At the meeting of the Town Council when this offer was considered, all
the members present, with the solitary exception of Dr Weakling, being
shareholders in the newly formed company, Councillor Rushton moved a
resolution in favour of accepting it.  He said that every
encouragement should be given to the promoters of the Electric Light
Coy., those public-spirited citizens who had come forward and were
willing to risk their capital in an undertaking that would be a
benefit to every class of residents in the town that they all loved so
well.  (Applause.)  There could be no doubt that the introduction of
the electric light would be a great addition to the attractions of
Mugsborough, but there was another and more urgent reason that
disposed him to do whatever he could to encourage the Company to
proceed with this work.  Unfortunately, as was usual at that time of
the year (Mr Rushton's voice trembled with emotion) the town was full
of unemployed.  (The Mayor, Alderman Sweater, and all the other
Councillors shook their heads sadly; they were visibly affected.)
There was no doubt that the starting of that work at that time would
be an inestimable boon to the working-classes.  As the representative
of a working-class ward he was in favour of accepting the offer of the
Company.  (Hear. Hear.)

Councillor Didlum seconded. In his opinion, it would be nothing short
of a crime to oppose anything that would provide work for the

Councillor Weakling moved that the offer be refused.  (Shame.)  He
admitted that the electric light would be an improvement to the town,
and in view of the existing distress he would be glad to see the work
started, but the price mentioned was altogether too low.  It was not
more than half the value of the land.  (Derisive laughter.)

Councillor Grinder said he was astonished at the attitude taken up by
Councillor Weakling.  In his (Grinder's) opinion it was disgraceful
that a member of the council should deliberately try to wreck a
project which would do so much towards relieving the unemployed.

The Mayor, Alderman Sweater, said that he could not allow the
amendment to be discussed until it was seconded: if there were no
seconder he would put the original motion.

There was no seconder, because everyone except Weakling was in favour
of the resolution, which was carried amid loud cheers, and the
representatives of the ratepayers proceeded to the consideration of
the next business.

Councillor Didlum proposed that the duty on all coal brought into the
borough be raised from two shillings to three shillings per ton.

Councillor Rushton seconded.  The largest consumer of coal was the Gas
Coy., and, considering the great profits made by that company, they
were quite justified in increasing the duty to the highest figure the
Act permitted.

After a feeble protest from Weakling, who said it would only increase
the price of gas and coal without interfering with the profits of the
Gas Coy., this was also carried, and after some other business had
been transacted, the Band dispersed.

That meeting was held two years ago, and since that time the Electric
Light Works had been built and the war against the gasworks carried on
vigorously.  After several encounters, in which they lost a few
customers and a portion of the public lighting, the Gasworks Bandits
retreated out of the town and entrenched themselves in a strong
position beyond the borough boundary, where they erected a number of
gasometers.  They were thus enabled to pour gas into the town at long
range without having to pay the coal dues.

This masterly stratagem created something like a panic in the ranks of
the Forty Thieves.  At the end of two years they found themselves
exhausted with the protracted campaign, their movements hampered by a
lot of worn-out plant and antiquated machinery, and harassed on every
side by the lower charges of the Gas Coy.  They were reluctantly
constrained to admit that the attempt to undermine the Gasworks was a
melancholy failure, and that the Mugsborough Electric Light and
Installation Coy. was a veritable white elephant.  They began to ask
themselves what they should do with it; and some of them even urged
unconditional surrender, or an appeal to the arbitration of the
Bankruptcy Court.

In the midst of all the confusion and demoralization there was,
however, one man who did not lose his presence of mind, who in this
dark hour of disaster remained calm and immovable, and like a vast
mountain of flesh reared his head above the storm, whose mighty
intellect perceived a way to turn this apparently hopeless defeat into
a glorious victory.  That man was Adam Sweater, the Chief of the Band.

Chapter 21

The Reign of Terror.  The Great Money Trick

During the next four weeks the usual reign of terror continued at `The
Cave'.  The men slaved like so many convicts under the vigilant
surveillance of Crass, Misery and Rushton.  No one felt free from
observation for a single moment.  It happened frequently that a man
who was working alone - as he thought - on turning round would find
Hunter or Rushton standing behind him: or one would look up from his
work to catch sight of a face watching him through a door or a window
or over the banisters.  If they happened to be working in a room on
the ground floor, or at a window on any floor, they knew that both
Rushton and Hunter were in the habit of hiding among the trees that
surrounded the house, and spying upon them thus.

There was a plumber working outside repairing the guttering that ran
round the bottom edge of the roof.  This poor wretch's life was a
perfect misery: he fancied he saw Hunter or Rushton in every bush.  He
had two ladders to work from, and since these ladders had been in use
Misery had thought of a new way of spying on the men.  Finding that he
never succeeded in catching anyone doing anything wrong when he
entered the house by one of the doors, Misery adopted the plan of
crawling up one of the ladders, getting in through one of the upper
windows and creeping softly downstairs and in and out of the rooms.
Even then he never caught anyone, but that did not matter, for he
accomplished his principal purpose - every man seemed afraid to cease
working for even an instant.

The result of all this was, of course, that the work progressed
rapidly towards completion.  The hands grumbled and cursed, but all
the same every man tore into it for all he was worth.  Although he did
next to nothing himself, Crass watched and urged on the others.  He
was `in charge of the job': he knew that unless he succeeded in
making this work pay he would not be put in charge of another job.  On
the other hand, if he did make it pay he would be given the preference
over others and be kept on as long as the firm had any work.  The firm
would give him the preference only as long as it paid them to do so.

As for the hands, each man knew that there was no chance of obtaining
work anywhere else at present; there were dozens of men out of
employment already. Besides, even if there had been a chance of
getting another job somewhere else, they knew that the conditions were
more or less the same on every firm.  Some were even worse than this
one. Each man knew that unless he did as much as ever he could, Crass
would report him for being slow.  They knew also that when the job
began to draw to a close the number of men employed upon it would be
reduced, and when that time came the hands who did the most work would
be kept on and the slower ones discharged.  It was therefore in the
hope of being one of the favoured few that while inwardly cursing the
rest for `tearing into it', everyone as a matter of self-preservation
went and `tore into it' themselves.

They all cursed Crass, but most of them would have been very to change
places with him: and if any one of them had been in his place they
would have been compelled to act in the same way - or lose the job.

They all reviled Hunter, but most of them would have been glad to
change places with him also: and if any one of them had been in his
place they would have been compelled to do the same things, or lose
the job.

They all hated and blamed Rushton.  Yet if they had been in Rushton's
place they would have been compelled to adopt the same methods, or
become bankrupt: for it is obvious that the only way to compete
successfully against other employers who are sweaters is to be a
sweater yourself.  Therefore no one who is an upholder of the present
system can consistently blame any of these men.  Blame the system.

If you, reader, had been one of the hands, would you have slogged?  Or
would you have preferred to starve and see your family starve?  If you
had been in Crass's place, would you have resigned rather than do such
dirty work?  If you had had Hunter's berth, would you have given it up
and voluntarily reduced yourself to the level of the hands?  If you
had been Rushton, would you rather have become bankrupt than treat
your `hands' and your customers in the same way as your competitors
treated theirs?  It may be that, so placed, you - being the
noble-minded paragon that you are - would have behaved unselfishly.
But no one has any right to expect you to sacrifice yourself for the
benefit of other people who would only call you a fool for your pains.
It may be true that if any one of the hands - Owen, for instance - had
been an employer of labour, he would have done the same as other
employers.  Some people seem to think that proves that the present
system is all right!  But really it only proves that the present
system compels selfishness.  One must either trample upon others or be
trampled upon oneself.  Happiness might be possible if everyone were
unselfish; if everyone thought of the welfare of his neighbour before
thinking of his own.  But as there is only a very small percentage of
such unselfish people in the world, the present system has made the
earth into a sort of hell.  Under the present system there is not
sufficient of anything for everyone to have enough.  Consequently
there is a fight - called by Christians the `Battle of Life'.  In this
fight some get more than they need, some barely enough, some very
little, and some none at all.  The more aggressive, cunning, unfeeling
and selfish you are the better it will be for you.  As long as this
`Battle of Life' System endures, we have no right to blame other
people for doing the same things that we are ourselves compelled to
do.  Blame the system.

But that IS just what the hands did not do.  They blamed each other;
they blamed Crass, and Hunter, and Rushton, but with the Great System
of which they were all more or less the victims they were quite
content, being persuaded that it was the only one possible and the
best that human wisdom could devise.  The reason why they all believed
this was because not one of them had ever troubled to inquire whether
it would not be possible to order things differently.  They were
content with the present system.  If they had not been content they
would have been anxious to find some way to alter it.  But they had
never taken the trouble to seriously inquire whether it was possible
to find some better way, and although they all knew in a hazy fashion
that other methods of managing the affairs of the world had already
been proposed, they neglected to inquire whether these other methods
were possible or practicable, and they were ready and willing to
oppose with ignorant ridicule or brutal force any man who was foolish
or quixotic enough to try to explain to them the details of what he
thought was a better way.  They accepted the present system in the
same way as they accepted the alternating seasons.  They knew that
there was spring and summer and autumn and winter.  As to how these
different seasons came to be, or what caused them, they hadn't the
remotest notion, and it is extremely doubtful whether the question had
ever occurred to any of them: but there is no doubt whatever about the
fact that none of them knew.  From their infancy they had been trained
to distrust their own intelligence, and to leave the management of the
affairs of the world - and for that matter of the next world too - to
their betters; and now most of them were absolutely incapable of
thinking of any abstract subject whatever.  Nearly all their betters -
that is, the people who do nothing - were unanimous in agreeing that
he present system is a very good one and that it is impossible to
alter or improve it.  Therefore Crass and his mates, although they
knew nothing whatever about it themselves, accepted it as an
established, incontrovertible fact that the existing state of things
is immutable.  They believed it because someone else told them so.
They would have believed anything: on one condition - namely, that
they were told to believe it by their betters.  They said it was
surely not for the Like of Them to think that they knew better than
those who were more educated and had plenty of time to study.

As the work in the drawing-room proceeded, Crass abandoned the hope
that Owen was going to make a mess of it.  Some of the rooms upstairs
being now ready for papering, Slyme was started on that work, Bert
being taken away from Owen to assist Slyme as paste boy, and it was
arranged that Crass should help Owen whenever he needed someone to
lend him a hand.

Sweater came frequently during these four weeks, being interested in
the progress of the work.  On these occasions Crass always managed to
be present in the drawing-room and did most of the talking.  Owen was
very satisfied with this arrangement, for he was always ill at ease
when conversing with a man like Sweater, who spoke in an offensively
patronizing way and expected common people to kowtow to and `Sir' him
at every second word.  Crass however, seemed to enjoy doing that kind
of thing.  He did not exactly grovel on the floor, when Sweater spoke
to him, but he contrived to convey the impression that he was willing
to do so if desired.

Outside the house Bundy and his mates had dug deep trenches in the
damp ground in which they were laying new drains.  This work, like
that of the painting of the inside of the house, was nearly completed.
It was a miserable job.  Owing to the fact that there had been a spell
of bad weather the ground was sodden with rain and there was mud
everywhere, the men's clothing and boots being caked with it.  But the
worst thing about the job was the smell.  For years the old
drain-pipes had been defective and leaky.  The ground a few feet below
the surface was saturated with fetid moisture and a stench as of a
thousand putrefying corpse emanated from the opened earth.  The
clothing of the men who were working in the hendeca became saturated
with this fearful odour, and for that matter, so did the men

They said they could smell and taste it all the time, even when they
were away from the work at home, and when they were at meals.
Although they smoked their pipes all the time they were at work,
Misery having ungraciously given them permission, several times Bundy
and one or other of his mates were attacked with fits of vomiting.

But, as they began to realize that the finish of the job was in sight,
a kind of panic seized upon the hands, especially those who had been
taken on last and who would therefore be the first to be `stood
still'.  Easton, however, felt pretty confident that Crass would do
his best to get him kept on till the end of the job, for they had
become quite chummy lately, usually spending a few evenings together
at the Cricketers every week.

`There'll be a bloody slaughter 'ere soon,' remarked Harlow to Philpot
one day as they were painting the banisters of the staircase.  `I
reckon next week will about finish the inside.'

`And the outside ain't goin' to take very long, you know,' replied

`They ain't got no other work in, have they?'

`Not that I knows of,' replied Philpot gloomily; 'and I don't think
anyone else has either.'

`You know that little place they call the "Kiosk" down the Grand
Parade, near the bandstand,' asked Harlow after a pause.

`Where they used to sell refreshments?'

`Yes; it belongs to the Corporation, you know.'

`It's been closed up lately, ain't it?'

`Yes; the people who 'ad it couldn't make it pay; but I 'eard last
night that Grinder the fruit-merchant is goin' to open it again.  If
it's true, there'll be a bit of a job there for someone, because it'll
'ave to be done up.'

`Well, I hope it does come orf replied Philpot.  `It'll be a job for
some poor b--rs.'

`I wonder if they've started anyone yet on the venetian blinds for
this 'ouse?' remarked Easton after a pause.

`I don't know,' replied Philpot.

They relapsed into silence for a while.

`I wonder what time it is?' said Philpot at length.  `I don't know 'ow
you feel, but I begin to want my dinner.'

`That's just what I was thinking; it can't be very far off it now.
It's nearly 'arf an hour since Bert went down to make the tea.  It
seems a 'ell of a long morning to me.'

`So it does to me,' said Philpot;  `slip upstairs and ask Slyme what
time it is.'

Harlow laid his brush across the top of his paint-pot and went
upstairs.  He was wearing a pair of cloth slippers, and walked softly,
not wishing that Crass should hear him leaving his work, so it
happened that without any intention of spying on Slyme, Harlow reached
the door of the room in which the former was working without being
heard and, entering suddenly, surprised Slyme - who was standing near
the fireplace - in the act of breaking a whole roll of wallpaper
across his knee as one might break a stick.  On the floor beside him
was what had been another roll, now broken into two pieces.  When
Harlow came in, Slyme started, and his face became crimson with
confusion.  He hastily gathered the broken rolls together and,
stooping down, thrust the pieces up the flue of the grate and closed
the register.

`Wot's the bloody game?' inquired Harlow.

Slyme laughed with an affectation of carelessness, but his hands
trembled and his face was now very pale.

`We must get our own back somehow, you know, Fred,' he said.

Harlow did not reply.  He did not understand.  After puzzling over it
for a few minutes, he gave it up.

`What's the time?' he asked.

`Fifteen minutes to twelve,' said Slyme and added, as Harlow was going
away: `Don't mention anything about that paper to Crass or any of the

`I shan't say nothing,' replied Harlow.

Gradually, as he pondered over it, Harlow began to comprehend the
meaning of the destruction of the two rolls of paper.  Slyme was doing
the paperhanging piecework - so much for each roll hung.  Four of the
rooms upstairs had been done with the same pattern, and Hunter - who
was not over-skilful in such matters - had evidently sent more paper
than was necessary.  By getting rid of these two rolls, Slyme would be
able to make it appear that he had hung two rolls more than was really
the case.  He had broken the rolls so as to be able to take them away
from the house without being detected, and he had hidden them up the
chimney until he got an opportunity of so doing.  Harlow had just
arrived at this solution of the problem when, hearing the lower flight
of stairs creaking, he peeped over and observed Misery crawling up.
He had come to see if anyone had stopped work before the proper time.
Passing the two workmen without speaking, he ascended to the next
floor, and entered the room where Slyme was.

`You'd better not do this room yet,' said Hunter.  `There's to be a
new grate and mantelpiece put in.'

He crossed over to the fireplace and stood looking at it thoughtfully
for a few minutes.

`It's not a bad little grate, you know, is it?' he remarked.  `We'll
be able to use it somewhere or other.'

`Yes; it's all right,' said Slyme, whose heart was beating like a

`Do for a front room in a cottage,' continued Misery, stooping down to
examine it more closely.  `There's nothing broke that I can see.'

He put his hand against the register and vainly tried to push it open.
`H'm, there's something wrong 'ere,' he remarked, pushing harder.

`Most likely a brick or some plaster fallen down,' gasped Slyme,
coming to Misery's assistance.  `Shall I try to open it?'

`Don't trouble,' replied Nimrod, rising to his feet.  `It's most
likely what you say.  I'll see that the new grate is sent up after
dinner.  Bundy can fix it this afternoon and then you can go on
papering as soon as you like.'

With this, Misery went out of the room, downstairs and away from the
house, and Slyme wiped the sweat from his forehead with his
handkerchief.  Then he knelt down and, opening the register, he took
out the broken rolls of paper and hid them up the chimney of the next
room.  While he was doing this the sound of Crass's whistle shrilled
through the house.

`Thank Gord!' exclaimed Philpot fervently as he laid his brushes on
the top of his pot and joined in the general rush to the kitchen.  The
scene here is already familiar to the reader.  For seats, the two
pairs of steps laid on their sides parallel to each other, about eight
feet apart and at right angles to the fireplace, with the long plank
placed across; and the upturned pails and the drawers of the dresser.
The floor unswept and littered with dirt, scraps of paper, bits of
plaster, pieces of lead pipe and dried mud; and in the midst, the
steaming bucket of stewed tea and the collection of cracked cups,
jam-jam and condensed milk tins.  And on the seats the men in their
shabby and in some cases ragged clothing sitting and eating their
coarse food and cracking jokes.

It was a pathetic and wonderful and at the same time a despicable
spectacle.  Pathetic that human beings should be condemned to spend
the greater part of their lives amid such surroundings, because it
must be remembered that most of their time was spent on some job or
other.  When `The Cave' was finished they would go to some similar
`job', if they were lucky enough to find one.  Wonderful, because
although they knew that they did more than their fair share of the
great work of producing the necessaries and comforts of life, they did
not think they were entitled to a fair share of the good things they
helped to create!  And despicable, because although they saw their
children condemned to the same life of degradation, hard labour and
privation, yet they refused to help to bring about a better state of
affairs.  Most of them thought that what had been good enough for
themselves was good enough for their children.

It seemed as if they regarded their own children with a kind of
contempt, as being only fit to grow up to be the servants of the
children of such people as Rushton and Sweater.  But it must be
remembered that they had been taught self-contempt when they were
children.  In the so-called `Christian' schools. they attended then
they were taught to `order themselves lowly and reverently towards
their betters', and they were now actually sending their own children
to learn the same degrading lessons in their turn!  They had a vast
amount of consideration for their betters, and for the children of
their betters, but very little for their own children, for each other,
or for themselves.

That was why they sat there in their rags and ate their coarse food,
and cracked their coarser jokes, and drank the dreadful tea, and were
content!  So long as they had Plenty of Work and plenty of - Something -
to eat, and somebody else's cast-off clothes to wear, they were
content!  And they were proud of it.  They gloried in it.  They agreed
and assured each other that the good things of life were not intended
for the `Likes of them', or their children.

`Wot's become of the Professor?' asked the gentleman who sat on the
upturned pail in the corner, referring to Owen, who had not yet come
down from his work.

`P'raps 'e's preparing 'is sermon,' remarked Harlow with a laugh.

`We ain't 'ad no lectures from 'im lately, since 'e's been on that
room,' observed Easton.  `'Ave we?'

`Dam good job too!' exclaimed Sawkins.  `It gives me the pip to 'ear
'im, the same old thing over and over again.'

`Poor ole Frank,' remarked Harlow.  `'E does upset 'isself about
things, don't 'e?'

`More fool 'im!' said Bundy.  `I'll take bloody good care I don't go
worryin' myself to death like 'e's doin', about such dam rot as that.'

`I do believe that's wot makes 'im look so bad as 'e does,' observed
Harlow.  `Several times this morning I couldn't help noticing the way
'e kept on coughing.'

`I thought 'e seemed to be a bit better lately,' Philpot observed;
`more cheerful and happier like, and more inclined for a bit of fun.'

`He's a funny sort of chap, ain't he?' said Bundy.  `One day quite
jolly, singing and cracking jokes and tellin' yarns, and the next you
can't hardly get a word out of 'im.'

`Bloody rot, I call it,' chimed in the man on the pail.  `Wot the
'ell's the use of the likes of us troublin' our 'eads about politics?'

`Oh, I don't see that.' replied Harlow.  `We've got votes and we're
really the people what control the affairs of the country, so I reckon
we ought to take SOME interest in it, but at the same time I can't see
no sense in this 'ere Socialist wangle that Owen's always talkin' about.'

`Nor nobody else neither,' said Crass with a jeering laugh.

`Even if all the bloody money in the world WAS divided out equal,'
said the man on the pail, profoundly, `it wouldn't do no good!  In six
months' time it would be all back in the same 'ands again.'

`Of course,' said everybody.

`But 'e 'ad a cuff the other day about money bein' no good at all!'
observed Easton.  `Don't you remember 'e said as money was the
principal cause of poverty?'

`So it is the principal cause of poverty,' said Owen, who entered at
that moment.

`Hooray!' shouted Philpot, leading off a cheer which the others took
up.  `The Professor 'as arrived and will now proceed to say a few

A roar of merriment greeted this sally.

`Let's 'ave our bloody dinner first, for Christ's sake,' appealed
Harlow, with mock despair.

As Owen, having filled his cup with tea, sat down in his usual place,
Philpot rose solemnly to his feet, and, looking round the company,

`Genelmen, with your kind permission, as soon as the Professor 'as
finished 'is dinner 'e will deliver 'is well-known lecture, entitled,
"Money the Principal Cause of being 'ard up", proving as money ain't
no good to nobody.  At the hend of the lecture a collection will be
took up to provide the lecturer with a little encouragement.'  Philpot
resumed his seat amid cheers.

As soon as they had finished eating, some of the men began to make
remarks about the lecture, but Owen only laughed and went on reading
the piece of newspaper that his dinner had been wrapped in.  Usually
most of the men went out for a walk after dinner, but as it happened
to be raining that day they were determined, if possible, to make Owen
fulfill the engagement made in his name by Philpot.

`Let's 'oot 'im,' said Harlow, and the suggestion was at once acted
upon; howls, groans and catcalls filled the air, mingled with cries of
`Fraud!' `Imposter!' `Give us our money back!' `Let's wreck the 'all!'
and so on.

`Come on 'ere,' cried Philpot, putting his hand on Owen's shoulder.
`Prove that money is the cause of poverty.'

`It's one thing to say it and another to prove it,' sneered Crass, who
was anxious for an opportunity to produce the long-deferred Obscurer

`Money IS the real cause of poverty,' said Owen.

`Prove it,' repeated Crass.

`Money is the cause of poverty because it is the device by which those
who are too lazy to work are enabled to rob the workers of the fruits
of their labours.'

`Prove it,' said Crass.

Owen slowly folded up the piece of newspaper he had been reading and
put it into his pocket.

`All right,' he replied.  `I'll show you how the Great Money Trick is

Owen opened his dinner basket and took from it two slices of bread but
as these were not sufficient, he requested that anyone who had some
bread left would give it to him.  They gave him several pieces, which
he placed in a heap on a clean piece of paper, and, having borrowed
the pocket knives they used to cut and eat their dinners with from
Easton, Harlow and Philpot, he addressed them as follows:

`These pieces of bread represent the raw materials which exist
naturally in and on the earth for the use of mankind; they were not
made by any human being, but were created by the Great Spirit for the
benefit and sustenance of all, the same as were the air and the light
of the sun.'

`You're about as fair-speakin' a man as I've met for some time,' said
Harlow, winking at the others.

`Yes, mate,' said Philpot.  `Anyone would agree to that much! It's as
clear as mud.'

`Now,' continued Owen, `I am a capitalist; or, rather, I represent the
landlord and capitalist class.  That is to say, all these raw
materials belong to me.  It does not matter for our present argument
how I obtained possession of them, or whether I have any real right to
them; the only thing that matters now is the admitted fact that all
the raw materials which are necessary for the production of the
necessaries of life are now the property of the Landlord and
Capitalist class.  I am that class: all these raw materials belong to

`Good enough!' agreed Philpot.

`Now you three represent the Working class: you have nothing - and for
my part, although I have all these raw materials, they are of no use
to me - what need is - the things that can be made out of these raw
materials by Work: but as I am too lazy to work myself, I have
invented the Money Trick to make you work FOR me.  But first I must
explain that I possess something else beside the raw materials.  These
three knives represent - all the machinery of production; the
factories, tools, railways, and so forth, without which the
necessaries of life cannot be produced in abundance.  And these three
coins' - taking three halfpennies from his pocket - `represent my
Money Capital.'

`But before we go any further,' said Owen, interrupting himself, `it
is most important that you remember that I am not supposed to be
merely "a" capitalist.  I represent the whole Capitalist Class.  You
are not supposed to be just three workers - you represent the whole
Working Class.'

`All right, all right,' said Crass, impatiently, `we all understand
that.  Git on with it.'

Owen proceeded to cut up one of the slices of bread into a number of
little square blocks.

`These represent the things which are produced by labour, aided by
machinery, from the raw materials.  We will suppose that three of
these blocks represent - a week's work.  We will suppose that a week's
work is worth - one pound: and we will suppose that each of these
ha'pennies is a sovereign.  We'd be able to do the trick better if we
had real sovereigns, but I forgot to bring any with me.'

`I'd lend you some,' said Philpot, regretfully, `but I left me purse
on our grand pianner.'

As by a strange coincidence nobody happened to have any gold with
them, it was decided to make shift with the halfpence.

`Now this is the way the trick works -'

`Before you goes on with it,' interrupted Philpot, apprehensively,
`don't you think we'd better 'ave someone to keep watch at the gate in
case a Slop comes along?  We don't want to get runned in, you know.'

`I don' think there's any need for that,' replied Owen, `there's only
one slop who'd interfere with us for playing this game, and that's
Police Constable Socialism.'

`Never mind about Socialism,' said Crass, irritably.  `Get along with
the bloody trick.'

Owen now addressed himself to the working classes as represented by
Philpot, Harlow and Easton.

`You say that you are all in need of employment, and as I am the
kind-hearted capitalist class I am going to invest all my money in
various industries, so as to give you Plenty of Work.  I shall pay
each of you one pound per week, and a week's work is - you must each
produce three of these square blocks.  For doing this work you will
each receive your wages; the money will be your own, to do as you like
with, and the things you produce will of course be mine, to do as I
like with.  You will each take one of these machines and as soon as
you have done a week's work, you shall have your money.'

The Working Classes accordingly set to work, and the Capitalist class
sat down and watched them.  As soon as they had finished, they passed
the nine little blocks to Owen, who placed them on a piece of paper by
his side and paid the workers their wages.

`These blocks represent the necessaries of life.  You can't live
without some of these things, but as they belong to me, you will have
to buy them from me: my price for these blocks is - one pound each.'

As the working classes were in need of the necessaries of life and as
they could not eat, drink or wear the useless money, they were
compelled to agree to the kind Capitalist's terms.  They each bought
back and at once consumed one-third of the produce of their labour.
The capitalist class also devoured two of the square blocks, and so
the net result of the week's work was that the kind capitalist had
consumed two pounds worth of the things produced by the labour of the
others, and reckoning the squares at their market value of one pound
each, he had more than doubled his capital, for he still possessed the
three pounds in money and in addition four pounds worth of goods.  As
for the working classes, Philpot, Harlow and Easton, having each
consumed the pound's worth of necessaries they had bought with their
wages, they were again in precisely the same condition as when they
started work - they had nothing.

This process was repeated several times: for each week's work the
producers were paid their wages.  They kept on working and spending
all their earnings.  The kind-hearted capitalist consumed twice as
much as any one of them and his pile of wealth continually increased.
In a little while - reckoning the little squares at their market value
of one pound each - he was worth about one hundred pounds, and the
working classes were still in the same condition as when they began,
and were still tearing into their work as if their lives depended upon

After a while the rest of the crowd began to laugh, and their
merriment increased when the kind-hearted capitalist, just after
having sold a pound's worth of necessaries to each of his workers,
suddenly took their tools - the Machinery of Production - the knives
away from them, and informed them that as owing to Over Production all
his store-houses were glutted with the necessaries of life, he had
decided to close down the works.

`Well, and wot the bloody 'ell are we to do now?' demanded Philpot.

`That's not my business,' replied the kind-hearted capitalist.  `I've
paid you your wages, and provided you with Plenty of Work for a long
time past.  I have no more work for you to do at present.  Come round
again in a few months' time and I'll see what I can do for you.'

`But what about the necessaries of life?' demanded Harlow.  `We must
have something to eat.'

`Of course you must,' replied the capitalist, affably; `and I shall be
very pleased to sell you some.'

`But we ain't got no bloody money!'

`Well, you can't expect me to give you my goods for nothing!  You
didn't work for me for nothing, you know.  I paid you for your work
and you should have saved something: you should have been thrifty like
me.  Look how I have got on by being thrifty!'

The unemployed looked blankly at each other, but the rest of the crowd
only laughed; and then the three unemployed began to abuse the
kind-hearted Capitalist, demanding that he should give them some of
the necessaries of life that he had piled up in his warehouses, or to
be allowed to work and produce some more for their own needs; and even
threatened to take some of the things by force if he did not comply
with their demands.  But the kind-hearted Capitalist told them not to
be insolent, and spoke to them about honesty, and said if they were
not careful he would have their faces battered in for them by the
police, or if necessary he would call out the military and have them
shot down like dogs, the same as he had done before at Featherstone
and Belfast.

`Of course,' continued the kind-hearted capitalist, `if it were not
for foreign competition I should be able to sell these things that you
have made, and then I should be able to give you Plenty of Work again:
but until I have sold them to somebody or other, or until I have used
them myself, you will have to remain idle.'

`Well, this takes the bloody biskit, don't it?' said Harlow.

`The only thing as I can see for it,' said Philpot mournfully, `is to
'ave a unemployed procession.'

`That's the idear,' said Harlow, and the three began to march about
the room in Indian file, singing:

        `We've got no work to do-oo-oo'
        We've got no work to do-oo-oo!
        Just because we've been workin' a dam sight too hard,
        Now we've got no work to do.'

As they marched round, the crowd jeered at them and made offensive
remarks.  Crass said that anyone could see that they were a lot of
lazy, drunken loafers who had never done a fair day's work in their
lives and never intended to.

`We shan't never get nothing like this, you know,' said Philpot.
`Let's try the religious dodge.'

`All right,' agreed Harlow.  `What shall we give 'em?'

`I know!' cried Philpot after a moment's deliberation.  `"Let my lower
lights be burning."  That always makes 'em part up.'

The three unemployed accordingly resumed their march round the room,
singing mournfully and imitating the usual whine of street-singers:

        `Trim your fee-bil lamp me brither-in,
        Some poor sail-er tempest torst,
        Strugglin' 'ard to save the 'arb-er,
        Hin the dark-niss may be lorst,
        So let try lower lights be burning,
        Send 'er gleam acrost the wave,
        Some poor shipwrecked, struggling seaman,
        You may rescue, you may save.'

`Kind frens,' said Philpot, removing his cap and addressing the crowd,
`we're hall honest British workin' men, but we've been hout of work
for the last twenty years on account of foreign competition and
over-production.  We don't come hout 'ere because we're too lazy to
work; it's because we can't get a job.  If it wasn't for foreign
competition, the kind'earted Hinglish capitalists would be able to
sell their goods and give us Plenty of Work, and if they could, I
assure you that we should hall be perfectly willing and contented to
go on workin' our bloody guts out for the benefit of our masters for
the rest of our lives.  We're quite willin' to work: that's hall we
arst for - Plenty of Work - but as we can't get it we're forced to
come out 'ere and arst you to spare a few coppers towards a crust of
bread and a night's lodgin'.'

As Philpot held out his cap for subscriptions, some of them attempted
to expectorate into it, but the more charitable put in pieces of cinder
or dirt from the floor, and the kind-hearted capitalist was so
affected by the sight of their misery that he gave them one of the
sovereigns he had in us pocket: but as this was of no use to them they
immediately returned it to him in exchange for one of the small
squares of the necessaries of life, which they divided and greedily
devoured.  And when they had finished eating they gathered round the
philanthropist and sang, `For he's a jolly good fellow,' and
afterwards Harlow suggested that they should ask him if he would allow
them to elect him to Parliament.

Chapter 22

The Phrenologist

The following morning - Saturday - the men went about their work in
gloomy silence; there were but few attempts at conversation and no
jests or singing.  The tenor of the impending slaughter pervaded the
house.  Even those who were confident of being spared and kept on till
the job was finished shared the general depression, not only out of
sympathy for the doomed, but because they knew that a similar fate
awaited themselves a little later on.

They all waited anxiously for Nimrod to come, but hour after hour
dragged slowly by and he did not arrive.  At half past eleven some of
those who had made up their minds that they were to be `stood still'
began to hope that the slaughter was to be deferred for a few days:
after all, there was plenty of work still to be done: even if all
hands were kept on, the job could scarcely be finished in another
week.  Anyhow, it would not be very long now before they would know
one way or the other.  If he did not come before twelve, it was all
right: all the hands were paid by the hour and were therefore entitled
to an hour's notice.

Easton and Harlow were working together on the staircase, finishing
the doors and other woodwork with white enamel.  The men had not been
allowed to spend the time necessary to prepare this work in a proper
manner, it had not been rubbed down smooth or properly filled up, and
it had not had a sufficient number of coats of paint to make it solid
white.  Now that the glossy enamel was put on, the work looked rather
rough and shady.

`It ain't 'arf all right, ain't it?' remarked Harlow, sarcastically,
indicating the door he had just finished.

Easton laughed: 'I can't understand how people pass such work,' he

`Old Sweater did make some remark about it the other day,' replied
Harlow, `and I heard Misery tell 'im it was impossible to make a
perfect job of such old doors.'

`I believe that man's the biggest liar Gord ever made,' said Easton,
an opinion in which Harlow entirely concurred.

`I wonder what the time is?' said the latter after a pause.

`I don't know exactly,' replied Easton, 'but it can't be far off

`'E don't seem to be comin', does 'e?' Harlow continued.

`No: and I shouldn't be surprised if 'e didn't turn up at all, now.
P'raps 'e don't mean to stop nobody today after all.'

They spoke in hushed tones and glanced cautiously about them fearful
of being heard or observed.

`This is a bloody life, ain't it?' Harlow said, bitterly.  `Workin'
our guts out like a lot of slaves for the benefit of other people, and
then as soon as they've done with you, you're chucked aside like a
dirty rag.'

`Yes: and I begin to think that a great deal of what Owen says is
true.  But for my part I can't see 'Ow it's ever goin' to be altered,
can you?'

Blowed if I know, mate.  But whether it can be altered or not, there's
one thing very certain; it won't be done in our time.'

Neither of them seemed to think that if the `alteration' they spoke of
were to be accomplished at all they themselves would have to help to
bring it about.

`I wonder what they're doin' about the venetian blinds?' said Easton.
`Is there anyone doin' em yet?'

`I don't know; ain't 'eard nothing about 'em since the boy took 'em to
the shop.'

There was quite a mystery about these blinds.  About a month ago they
were taken to the paint-shop down at the yard to be repainted and
re-harnessed, and since then nothing had been heard of them by the men
working at the `Cave'.

`P'hap's a couple of us will be sent there to do 'em next week,'
remarked Harlow.

`P'hap's so.  Most likely they'll 'ave to be done in a bloody 'urry at
the last minute.'

Presently Harlow - who was very anxious to know what time it was -
went downstairs to ask Slyme.  It was twenty minutes to twelve.

From the window of the room where Slyme was papering, one could see
into the front garden. Harlow paused a moment to watch Bundy and the
labourers, who were still working in the trenches at the drains, and
as he looked out he saw Hunter approaching the house.  Harlow drew
back hastily and returned to his work, and as he went he passed the
word to the other men, warning them of the approach of Misery.

Hunter entered ii his usual manner and, after crawling quietly about
the house for about ten minutes, he went into the drawing room.

`I see you're putting the finishing touches on at last,' he said.

`Yes,' replied Owen.  `I've only got this bit of outlining to do now.'

`Ah, well, it looks very nice, of course,' said Misery in a voice of
mourning, `but we've lost money over it.  It's taken you a week longer
to do than we allowed for; you said three weeks and it's taken you a
month; and we only allowed for fifteen books of gold, but you've been
and used twenty-three.'

`You can hardly blame me for that, you know,' answered Owen.  `I could
have got it done in the three weeks, but Mr Rushton told me not to
hurry for the sake of a day or two, because he wanted a good job.  He
said he would rather lose a little over it than spoil it; and as for
the extra gold, that was also his order.'

`Well, I suppose it can't be helped,' whined Misery.  `Anyhow, I'm
very glad it's done, because this kind of work don't pay.  We'll 'ave
you back on the brush on Monday morning; we want to get outside done
next week if it keeps fine.'

The `brush' alluded to by Nimrod was the large `pound' brush used in
ordinary painting.

Misery now began wandering about the house, in and out of the rooms,
sometimes standing for several minutes silently watching the hands as
they worked. As he watched them the men became nervous and awkward,
each one dreading that he might be one of those who were to be paid
off at one o'clock.

At about five minutes to twelve Hunter went down to the paint-shop -
the scullery - where Crass was mixing some colour, and getting ready
some `empties' to be taken to the yard.

`I suppose the b--r's gone to ask Crass which of us is the least use,'
whispered Harlow to Easton.

`I wouldn't be surprised if it was you and me, for two,' replied the
latter in the same tone.  `You can't trust Crass you know, for all 'e
seems so friendly to our faces.  You never know what 'e ses behind our

`You may be sure it won't be Sawkins or any of the other
light-weights, because Nimrod won't want to pay us sixpence ha'penny
for painting guttering and rainpipes when THEY can do it near enough
for fourpence ha'penny and fivepence.  They won't be able to do the
sashes, though, will they?'

`I don't know so much about that,' replied Easton.  `Anything seems to
be good enough for Hunter.'

`Look out!  Ere 'e comes!' said Harlow, and they both relapsed into
silence and busied themselves with their work.  Misery stood watching
them for some time without speaking, and then went out of the house.
They crept cautiously to the window of a room that overlooked the
garden and, peeping furtively out, they saw him standing on the brink
of one of the trenches, moodily watching Bundy and his mates as they
toiled at the drains.  Then, to their surprise and relief, he turned
and went out of the gate!  They just caught sight of one of the wheels
of his bicycle as he rode away.

The slaughter was evidently to be put off until next week!  It seemed
too good to be true.

`P'hap's 'e's left a message for some of us with Crass?' suggested
Easton.  `I don't think it's likely, but it's just possible.'

`Well, I'm goin' down to ask 'im,' said Harlow, desperately.  `We may
as well know the worst at once.'

He returned in a few minutes with the information that Hunter had
decided not to stop anyone that day because he wanted to get the
outside finished during the next week, if possible.

The hands received this intelligence with mixed feelings, because
although it left them safe for the present, it meant that nearly
everybody would certainly be stopped next Saturday, if not before;
whereas if a few had been sacked today it would have made it all the
better for the rest.  Still, this aspect of the business did not
greatly interfere with the relief that they all felt at knowing that
the immediate danger was over; and the fact that it was Saturday -
pay-day - also served to revive their drooping spirits.  They all felt
pretty certain that Misery would return no more that day, and
presently Harlow began to sing the old favourite.  `Work! for the
night is coming!' the refrain of which was soon taken up by nearly
everyone in the house:

        `Work! for the night is coming,
        Work in the morning hours.
        Work! for the night is coming,
        Work 'mid springing flowers.

        `Work while the dew is sparkling,
        Work in the noonday sun!
        Work! for the night is coming
        When man's work is done!'

When this hymn was finished, someone else, imitating the whine of a
street-singer, started, `Oh, where is my wandering boy tonight?' and
then Harlow - who by some strange chance had a penny - took it out of
his pocket and dropped it on the floor, the ringing of the coin being
greeted with shouts of `Thank you, kind lady,' from several of the
singers.  This little action of Harlow's was the means of bringing a
most extraordinary circumstance to light.  Although it was Saturday
morning, several of the others had pennies or half-pence! and at the
conclusion of each verse they all followed Harlow's example and the
house resounded with the ringing of falling coins, cries of `Thank
you, kind lady,' `Thank you, sir,' and `Gord bless you,' mingled with
shouts of laughter.

`My wandering boy' was followed by a choice selection of choruses of
well-known music-hall songs, including `Goodbye, my Bluebell', `The
Honeysuckle and the Bee', `I've got 'em!' and `The Church Parade', the
whole being tastefully varied and interspersed with howls, shrieks,
curses, catcalls, and downward explosions of flatulence.

In the midst of the uproar Crass came upstairs.

`'Ere!' he shouted.  `For Christ's sake make less row!  Suppose Nimrod
was to come back!'

`Oh, he ain't comin' any more today,' said Harlow, recklessly.

`Besides, what if 'e does come?' cried Easton.  `Oo cares for 'im?'

`Well, we never know; and for that matter Rushton or Sweater might
come at any minit.'

With this, Crass went muttering back to the scullery, and the men
relapsed into their usual silence.

At ten minutes to one they all ceased work, put away their colours and
locked up the house.  There were a number of `empties' to be taken
away and left at the yard on their way to the office; these Crass
divided amongst the others - carrying nothing himself - and then they
all set out for the office to get their money, cracking jokes as they
went along.  Harlow and Easton enlivened the journey by coughing
significantly whenever they met a young woman, and audibly making some
complimentary remark about her personal appearance.  If the girl
smiled, each of them eagerly claimed to have `seen her first', but if
she appeared offended or `stuck up', they suggested that she was
cross-cut or that she had been eating vinegar with a fork.  Now and
then they kissed their hands affectionately to servant-girls whom they
saw looking out of windows.  Some of these girls laughed, others
looked indignant, but whichever way they took it was equally amusing
to Crass and the rest, who were like a crowd of boys just let out of

It will be remembered that there was a back door to Rushton's office;
in this door was a small sliding panel or trap-door with a little
shelf at the bottom.  The men stood in the road on the pavement
outside the closed door, their money being passed out to them through
the sliding panel.  As there was no shelter, when it rained they
occasionally got wet through while waiting to be paid.  With some
firms it is customary to call out the names of the men and pay them in
order of seniority or ability, but there was no such system here; the
man who got to the aperture first was paid first, and so on.  The
result was that there was always a sort of miniature `Battle of
Life', the men pushing and struggling against each other as if their
lives depended upon their being paid by a certain time.

On the ledge of the little window through which their money was passed
there was always a Hospital collection-box.  Every man put either a
penny or twopence into this box.  Of course, it was not compulsory to
do so, but they all did, because they felt that any man who omitted to
contribute might be `marked'.  They did not all agree with
contributing to the Hospital, for several reasons.  They knew that the
doctors at the Hospital made a practice of using the free patients to
make experiments upon, and they also knew that the so-called `free'
patients who contribute so very largely directly to the maintenance of
such institutions, get scant consideration when they apply for the
`free' treatment, and are plainly given to understand that they are
receiving `charity'.  Some of the men thought that, considering the
extent to which they contributed, they should be entitled to attention
as a right.

After receiving their wages, Crass, Easton, Bundy, Philpot, Harlow and
a few others adjourned to the Cricketers for a drink.  Owen went away
alone, and Slyme also went on by himself.  There was no use waiting
for Easton to come out of the public house, because there was no
knowing how long he would be; he might stay half an hour or two hours.

On his way home, in accordance with his usual custom, Slyme called at
the Post Office to put some of his wages in the bank.  Like most other
`Christians', he believed in taking thought for the morrow, what he
should eat and drink and wherewithal he was to be clothed.  He thought
it wise to layup for himself as much treasure upon earth as possible.
The fact that Jesus said that His disciples were not to do these things
made no more difference to Slyme's conduct than it does to the conduct
of any other `Christian'.  They are all agreed that when Jesus said
this He meant something else: and all the other inconvenient things
that Jesus said are disposed of in the same way.  For instance, these
`disciples' assure us that when Jesus said, `Resist not evil', `If a
man smite thee upon he right cheek turn unto him also the left', He
really meant 'Turn on to him a Maxim gun; disembowel him with a
bayonet or batter in his skull with the butt end of a rifle!'  When He
said, `If one take thy coat, give him thy cloak also,' the
`Christians' say that what He really meant was: `If one take thy coat,
give him six months' hard labour. A few of the followers of Jesus
admit that He really did mean just what He said, but they say that the
world would never be able to go on if they followed out His teachings!
That is true.  It is probably the effect that Jesus intended His
teachings to produce.  It is altogether improbable that He wished the
world to continue along its present lines.  But, if these pretended
followers really think - as they say that they do - that the teachings
of Jesus are ridiculous and impracticable, why continue the
hypocritical farce of calling themselves `Christians' when they don't
really believe in or follow Him at all?

As Jesus himself pointed out, there's no sense in calling Him `Lord,
Lord' when they do not the things that He said.

This banking transaction finished, Slyme resumed his homeward way,
stopping only to purchase some sweets at a confectioner's.  He spent a
whole sixpence at once in this shop on a glass jar of sweets for the

Ruth was not surprised when she saw him come in alone; it was the
usual thing since Easton had become so friendly with Crass.

She made no reference to his absence, but Slyme noticed with secret
chagrin that she was annoyed and disappointed.  She was just finishing
scrubbing the kitchen floor and little Freddie was sitting up in a
baby's high chair that had a little shelf or table fixed in front of
it.  To keep him amused while she did her work, Ruth had given him a
piece of bread and raspberry jam, which the child had rubbed all over
his face and into his scalp, evidently being under the impression that
it was something for the improvement of the complexion, or a cure for
baldness.  He now looked as if he had been in a fight or a railway
accident.  The child hailed the arrival of Slyme with enthusiasm,
being so overcome with emotion that he began to shed tears, and was
only pacified when the man gave him the jar of sweets and took him out
of the chair.

Slyme's presence in the house had not proved so irksome as Easton and
Ruth had dreaded it would be.  Indeed, at first, he made a point of
retiring to his own room after tea every evening, until they
invited him to stay downstairs in the kitchen.  Nearly every Wednesday
and Saturday he went to a meeting, or an open-air preaching, when the
weather permitted, for he was one of a little zealous band of people
connected with the Shining Light Chapel who carried on the `open-air'
work all the year round.  After a while, the Eastons not only became
reconciled to his presence in the house, but were even glad of it.
Ruth especially would often have been very lonely if he had not been
there, for it had lately become Easton's custom to spend a few
evenings every week with Crass at the Cricketers.

When at home Slyme passed his time playing a mandolin or making
fretwork photo frames.  Ruth had the baby's photograph taken a few
weeks after Slyme came, and the frame he made for it was now one of
the ornaments of the sitting-room.  The instinctive, unreasoning
aversion she had at first felt for him had passed away.  In a quiet,
unobtrusive manner he did her so many little services that she found
it impossible to dislike him.  At first, she address him as
`Mr' but after a time she fell naturally into Easton's practice of
calling him by his first name.

As for the baby, he made no secret of his affection for the lodger,
who nursed and played with him for hours at a stretch.

`I'll serve your dinner now, Alf,' said Ruth when she had finished
scrubbing the floor, `but I'll wait for mine for a little while.  Will
may come'

`I'm in no hurry,' replied Slyme.  `I'll go and have a wash; he may be
here then.'

As he spoke, Slyme - who had been sitting by the fire nursing the baby -
who was trying to swallow the jar of sweets - put the child back into
the high chair, giving him one of the sticks of sweet out of the jar
to keep him quiet; and went upstairs to his own room.  He came down
again in about a quarter of an hour, and Ruth proceeded to serve his
dinner, for Easton was still absent.

`If I was you, I wouldn't wait for Will,' said Slyme, `he may not come
for another hour or two.  It's after two o'clock now, and I'm sure you
must be hungry.'

`I suppose I may as well,' replied Ruth, hesitatingly.  `He'll most
likely get some bread and cheese at the "Cricketers", same as he did
last Saturday.'

`Almost sure to,' responded Slyme.

The baby had had his face washed while Slyme was upstairs.  Directly
he saw his mother eating he threw away the sugar-stick and began to
cry, holding out his arms to her.  She had to take him on her lap
whilst she ate her dinner, and feed him with pieces from her plate.

Slyme talked all the time, principally about the child.  He was very
fond of children, he said, and always got on well with them, but he
had really never known such an intelligent child - for his age - as
Freddie.  His fellow-workmen would have been astonished had they been
present to hear him talking about the shape of the baby's head.  They
would have been astonished at the amount of knowledge he appeared to
possess of the science of Phrenology.  Ruth, at any rate, thought he
was very clever.

After a time the child began to grow fretful and refused to eat; when
his mother gave him a fresh piece of sugar-stick out of the jar he
threw it peevishly on the floor and began to whimper, rubbing his face
against his mother's bosom and pulling at her dress with his hands.
When Slyme first came Ruth had made a practice of withdrawing from the
room if he happened to be present when she wanted to nurse the child,
but lately she had been less sensitive. She was sitting with her back
to the window and she partly covered the baby's face with a light
shawl that she wore.  By the time they finished dinner the child had
dozed off to sleep.  Slyme got up from his chair and stood with his
back to the fire, looking down at them; presently he spoke, referring,
of course, to the baby:

`He's very like you, isn't he?'

`Yes,' replied Ruth.  `Everyone says he takes after me.'

Slyme moved a little closer, bending down to look at the slumbering

`You know, at first I thought he was a girl,' he continued after a
pause.  `He seems almost too pretty for a boy, doesn't he?'

Ruth smiled.  `People always take him for a girl at first,' she said.
`Yesterday I took him with me to the Monopole Stores to buy some
things, and the manager would hardly believe it wasn't a girl.'

The man reached out his hand and stroked the baby's face.

Although Slyme's behaviour had hitherto always been very correct, yet
there was occasionally an indefinable something in his manner when
they were alone that made Ruth feel conscious and embarrassed.  Now,
as she glanced up at him and saw the expression on his face she
crimsoned with confusion and hastily lowered her eyes without replying
to his last remark.  He did not speak again either, and they remained
for several minutes in silence, as if spellbound, Ruth oppressed with
instinctive dread, and Slyme scarcely less agitated, his face flushed
and his heart beating wildly. He trembled as he stood over her,
hesitating and afraid.

And then the silence was suddenly broken by the creaking and clanging
of the front gate, heralding the tardy coming of Easton.  Slyme went
out into the scullery and, taking down the blacking brushes from the
shelf, began cleaning his boots.

It was plain from Easton's appearance and manner that he had been
drinking, but Ruth did not reproach him in any way; on the contrary,
she seemed almost feverishly anxious to attend to his comfort.

When Slyme finished cleaning his boots he went upstairs to his room,
receiving a careless greeting from Easton as he passed through the
kitchen.  He felt nervous and apprehensive that Ruth might say
something to Easton, and was not quite able to reassure himself with
the reflection that, after all, there was nothing to tell.  As for
Ruth, she had to postpone the execution of her hastily formed
resolution to tell her husband of Slyme's strange behaviour, for
Easton fell asleep in his chair before he had finished his dinner, and
she had some difficulty in waking him sufficiently to persuade him to
go upstairs to bed, where he remained until tea-time.  Probably he
would not have come down even then if it had not been for the fact
that he had made an appointment to meet Crass at the Cricketers.

Whilst Easton was asleep, Slyme had been downstairs in the kitchen,
making a fretwork frame.  He played with Freddie while Ruth prepared
the tea, and he appeared to her to be so unconscious of having done
anything unusual that she began to think that she must have been
mistaken in imagining that he had intended anything wrong.

After tea, Slyme put on his best clothes to go to his usual `open-air'
meeting.  As a rule Easton and Ruth went out marketing together every
Saturday night, but this evening he could not wait for her because he
had promised to meet Crass at seven o'clock; so he arranged to see her
down town at eight.

Chapter 23

The `Open-air'

During the last few weeks ever since he had been engaged on the
decoration of the drawing-room, Owen had been so absorbed in his work
that he had no time for other things.  Of course, all he was paid for
was the time he actually worked, but really every waking moment of his
time was given to the task.  Now that it was finished he felt
something like one aroused from a dream to the stern realities and
terrors of life.  By the end of next week, the inside of the house and
part of the outside would be finished, and as far as he knew the firm
had nothing else to do at present.  Most of the other employers in the
town were in the same plight, and it would be of no use to apply even
to such of them as had something to do, for they were not likely to
take on a fresh man while some of their regular hands were idle.

For the last month he had forgotten that he was ill; he had forgotten
that when the work at `The Cave' was finished he would have to stand
off with the rest of the hands.  In brief, he had forgotten for the
time being that, like the majority of his fellow workmen, he was on
the brink of destitution, and that a few weeks of unemployment or
idleness meant starvation.  As far as illness was concerned, he was
even worse off than most others, for the greater number of them were
members of some sick benefit club, but Owen's ill-health rendered him
ineligible for membership of such societies.

As he walked homewards after being paid, feeling unutterably depressed
and weary, he began once more to think of the future; and the more he
thought of it the more dreadful it appeared.  Even looking at it in
the best possible light - supposing he did not fall too ill to work,
or lose his employment from some other cause - what was there to live
for?  He had been working all this week.  These few coins that he held
in his hand were the result, and he laughed bitterly as he thought of
all they had to try to do with this money, and of all that would have
to be left undone.

As he turned the corner of Kerk Street he saw Frankie coming to meet
him, and the boy catching sight of him at the same moment began
running and leapt into his arms with a joyous whoop.

`Mother told me to tell you to buy something for dinner before you
come home, because there's nothing in the house.'

`Did she tell you what I was to get?'

She did tell me something, but I forget what it was.  But I know she
said to get anything you like if you couldn't get what she told me to
tell you.'

`Well, we'll go and see what we can find,' said Owen.

`If I were you, I'd get a tin of salmon or some eggs and bacon,'
suggested Frankie as he skipped along holding his father's hand.  `We
don't want anything that's a lot of trouble to cook, you know, because
Mum's not very well today.'

`Is she up?'

She's been up all the morning, but she's lying down now.  We've done
all the work, though.  While she was making the beds I started washing
up the cups and saucers without telling her, but when she came in and
saw what a mess I'd made on the floor, she had to stop me doing it,
and she had to change nearly all my clothes as well, because I was
almost wet through; but I managed the wiping up all right when she did
the washing, and I swept the passage and put all my things tidy and
made the cat's bed.  And that just reminds me: will you please give me
my penny now?  I promised the cat that I'd bring him back some meat.'

Owen complied with the boy's request, and while the latter went to the
butcher's for the meat, Owen went into the grocer's to get something
for dinner, it being arranged that they were to meet again at the
corner of the street.  Owen was at the appointed place first and after
waiting some time and seeing no sign of the boy he decided to go
towards the butcher's to meet him.  When he came in sight of the shop
he saw the boy standing outside in earnest conversation with the
butcher, a jolly-looking stoutly built man, with a very red face.
Owen perceived at once that the child was trying to explain something,
because Frankie had a habit of holding his head sideways and
supplementing his speech by spreading out his fingers and making
quaint gestures with his hands whenever he found it difficult to make
himself understood.  The boy was doing this now, waving one hand about
with the fingers and thumb extended wide, and with the other
flourishing a paper parcel which evidently contained the pieces of
meat . Presently the man laughed heartily and after shaking hands with
Frankie went into the shop to attend to a customer, and Frankie
rejoined his father.

`That butcher's a very decent sort of chap, you know, Dad,' he said.
`He wouldn't take a penny for the meat.'

`Is that what you were talking to him about?'

No; we were talking about Socialism.  You see, this is the second time
he wouldn't take the money, and the first time he did it I thought he
must be a Socialist, but I didn't ask him then.  But when he did it
again this time I asked him if he was.  So he said, No.  He said he
wasn't quite mad yet.  So I said, "If you think that Socialists are
all mad, you're very much mistaken, because I'm a Socialist myself,
and I'm quite sure I'M not mad."  So he said he knew I was all right,
but he didn't understand anything about Socialism himself - only that
it meant sharing out all the money so that everyone could have the
same.  So then I told him that's not Socialism at all!  And when I
explained it to him properly and advised him to be one, he said he'd
think about it.  So I said if he'd only do that he'd be sure to change
over to our side; and then he laughed and promised to let me know next
time he sees me, and I promised to lend him some literature. You won't
mind, will you, Dad?'

`Of course not; when we get home we'll have a look through what we've
got and you can take him some of them.'

`I know!' cried Frankie eagerly.  `The two very best of all.  Happy
Britain and England for the English.'

He knew that these were `two of the best' because he had often heard
his father and mother say so, and he had noticed that whenever a
Socialist friend came to visit them, he was also of the same opinion.

As a rule on Saturday evenings they all three went out together to do
the marketing, but on this occasion, in consequence of Nora being
unwell, Owen and Frankie went by themselves.  The frequent recurrence
of his wife's illness served to increase Owen's pessimism with regard
to the future, and the fact that he was unable to procure for her the
comforts she needed was not calculated to dispel the depression that
filled his mind as he reflected that there was no hope of better

In the majority of cases, for a workman there is no hope of
advancement.  After he has learnt his trade and become a `journeyman'
all progress ceases.  He is at the goal.  After he has been working
ten or twenty years he commands no more than he did at first - a bare
living wage - sufficient money to purchase fuel to keep the human
machine working.  As he grows older he will have to be content with
even less; and all the time he holds his employment at the caprice and
by the favour of his masters, who regard him merely as a piece of
mechanism that enables them to accumulate money - a thing which they
are justified in casting aside as soon as it becomes unprofitable.
And the workman must not only be an efficient money-producing machine,
but he must also be the servile subject of his masters.  If he is not
abjectly civil and humble, if he will not submit tamely to insult,
indignity, and every form of contemptuous treatment that occasion
makes possible, he can be dismissed, and replaced in a moment by one
of the crowd of unemployed who are always waiting for his job.  This
is the status of the majority of the `Heirs of all the ages' under the
present system.

As he walked through the crowded streets holding Frankie by the hand,
Owen thought that to voluntarily continue to live such a life as this
betokened a degraded mind.  To allow one's child to grow up to suffer
it in turn was an act of callous, criminal cruelty.

In this matter he held different opinions from most of his fellow
workmen.  The greater number of them were quite willing and content
that their children should be made into beasts of burden for the
benefit of other people.  As he looked down upon the little, frail
figure trotting along by his side, Owen thought for the thousandth
time that it would be far better for the child to die now: he would
never be fit to be a soldier in the ferocious Christian Battle of

Then he remembered Nora.  Although she was always brave, and never
complained, he knew that her life was one of almost incessant physical
suffering; and as for himself he was tired and sick of it all.  He had
been working like a slave all his life and there was nothing to show
for it - there never would be anything to show for it.  He thought of
the man who had killed his wife and children.  The jury had returned
the usual verdict, `Temporary Insanity'.  It never seemed to occur to
these people that the truth was that to continue to suffer hopelessly
like this was evidence of permanent insanity.

But supposing that bodily death was not the end.  Suppose there was
some kind of a God?  If there were, it wasn't unreasonable to think
that the Being who was capable of creating such a world as this and
who seemed so callously indifferent to the unhappiness of His
creatures, would also be capable of devising and creating the other
Hell that most people believed in.

Although it was December the evening was mild and clear.  The full
moon deluged the town with silvery light, and the cloudless sky was
jewelled with myriads of glittering stars.

Looking out into the unfathomable infinity of space, Owen wondered
what manner of Being or Power it was that had originated and sustained
all this?  Considered as an explanation of the existence of the
universe, the orthodox Christian religion was too absurd to merit a
second thought.  But then, every other conceivable hypothesis was also -
ultimately - unsatisfactory and even ridiculous.  To believe that the
universe as it is now has existed from all eternity without any Cause
is surely ridiculous.  But to say that it was created by a Being who
existed without a Cause from all eternity is equally ridiculous.  In
fact, it was only postponing the difficulty one stage.  Evolution was
not more satisfactory, because although it was undoubtedly true as far
as it went, it only went part of the way, leaving the great question
still unanswered by assuming the existence - in the beginning - of the
elements of matter, without a cause!  The question remained unanswered
because it was unanswerable.  Regarding this problem man was but -

        `An infant crying in the night,
        An infant crying for the light
        And with no language but a cry.'

All the same, it did not follow, because one could not explain the
mystery oneself, that it was right to try to believe an unreasonable
explanation offered by someone else.

But although he reasoned like this, Owen could not help longing for
something to believe, for some hope for the future; something to
compensate for the unhappiness of the present.  In one sense, he
thought, how good it would be if Christianity were true, and after all
the sorrow there was to be an eternity of happiness such as it had
never entered into the heart of man to conceive?  If only that were
true, nothing else would matter. How contemptible and insignificant
the very worst that could happen here would be if one knew that this
life was only a short journey that was to terminate at the beginning
of an eternity of joy?  But no one really believed this; and as for
those who pretended to do so - their lives showed that they did not
believe it at all.  Their greed and inhumanity - their ferocious
determination to secure for themselves the good things of THIS world -
were conclusive proofs of their hypocrisy and infidelity.

`Dad,' said Frankie, suddenly, 'let's go over and hear what that man's
saying. ' He pointed across the way to where - a little distance back
from the main road, just round the corner of a side street - a group
of people were standing encircling a large lantern fixed on the top of
a pole about seven feet high, which was being held by one of the men.
A bright light was burning inside this lantern and on the pane of
white, obscured glass which formed the sides, visible from where Owen
and Frankie were standing, was written in bold plain letters that were
readable even at that distance, the text:

        `Be not deceived: God is not mocked!'

The man whose voice had attracted Frankie's attention was reading out
a verse of a hymn:

        `I heard the voice of Jesus say,
        Behold, I freely give,
        The living water, thirsty one,
        Stoop down and drink, and live.
        I came to Jesus and I drank
        Of that life giving stream,
        My thirst was quenched,
        My soul revived,
        And now I live in Him.'

The individual who gave out this hymn was a tall, thin man whose
clothes hung loosely on the angles of his round-shouldered, bony form.
His long, thin legs - about which the baggy trousers hung in
ungraceful folds - were slightly knock-kneed, and terminated in large,
fiat feet.  His arms were very long even for such a tall man, and the
huge, bony hands were gnarled and knotted.  Regardless of the season,
he had removed his bowler hat, revealing his forehead, which was high,
flat and narrow.  His nose was a large, fleshy, hawklike beak, and
from the side of each nostril a deep indentation extended downwards
until it disappeared in the drooping moustache that concealed his
mouth when he was not speaking, but the vast extent of which was
perceptible now as he opened it to call out the words of the hymn.
His chin was large and extraordinarily long: the eyes were pale blue,
very small and close together, surmounted by spare, light-coloured,
almost invisible eyebrows with a deep vertical cleft between them over
the nose.  His head - covered with thick, coarse brown hair - was very
large, especially at the back; the ears were small and laid close to
the head.  If one were to make a full-face drawing of his cadaverous
visage, it would be found that the outline resembled that of the lid
of a coffin.

As Owen and Frankie drew near, the boy tugged at his father's hand and
whispered: `Dad! that's the teacher at the Sunday School where I went
that day with Charley and Elsie.'

Owen looked quickly and saw that it was Hunter.

As Hunter ceased reading out the words of the hymn, the little company
of evangelists began to sing, accompanied by the strains of a small
but peculiarly sweet-toned organ.  A few persons in the crowd joined
in, the words being familiar to them.  During the singing their faces
were a study, they all looked so profoundly solemn and miserable, as
if they were a gang of condemned criminals waiting to be led forth to
execution.  The great number of the people standing around appeared to
be listening more out of idle curiosity than anything else, and two
well-dressed young men - evidently strangers and visitors to the town -
amused themselves by making audible remarks about the texts on the
lantern.  There was also a shabbily dressed, semi-drunken man in a
battered bowler hat who stood on the inner edge of the crowd, almost
in the ring itself, with folded arms and an expression of scorn.  He
had a very thin, pale face with a large, high-bridged nose, and bore a
striking resemblance to the First Duke of Wellington.

As the singing proceeded, the scornful expression faded from the
visage of the Semi-drunk, and he not only joined in, but unfolded his
arms and began waving them about as if he were conducting the music.

By the time the singing was over a considerable crowd had gathered,
and then one of the evangelists, the same man who had given out the
hymn, stepped into the middle of the ring.  He had evidently been
offended by the unseemly conduct of the two well-dressed young men,
for after a preliminary glance round upon the crowd, he fixed his gaze
upon the pair, and immediately launched out upon a long tirade against
what he called `Infidelity'.  Then, having heartily denounced all
those who - as he put it - `refused' to believe, he proceeded to
ridicule those half-and-half believers, who, while professing to
believe the Bible, rejected the doctrine of Hell.  That the existence
of a place of eternal torture is taught in the Bible, he tried to
prove by a long succession of texts.  As he proceeded he became very
excited, and the contemptuous laughter of the two unbelievers seemed
to make him worse.  He shouted and raved, literally foaming at the
mouth and glaring in a frenzied manner around upon the faces of the

`There is a Hell!' he shouted.  `And understand this clearly - "The
wicked shall be turned into hell" - "He that believeth not shall be

`Well, then, you'll stand a very good chance of being damned also,'
exclaimed one of the two young men.

`'Ow do you make it out?' demanded the preacher, wiping the froth from
his lips and the perspiration from his forehead with his handkerchief.

`Why, because you don't believe the Bible yourselves.'

Nimrod and the other evangelists laughed, and looked pityingly at the
young man.

`Ah, my dear brother,' said Misery.  `That's your delusion.  I thank
God I do believe it, every word!'

`Amen,' fervently ejaculated Slyme and several of the other disciples.

`Oh no, you don't,' replied the other.  `And I can prove you don't.'

`Prove it, then,' said Nimrod.

`Read out the 17th and 18th verses of the XVIth chapter of Mark,' said
the disturber of the meeting.  The crowd began to close in on the
centre, the better to hear the dispute.  Misery, standing close to the
lantern, found the verse mentioned and read aloud as follows:

`And these signs shall follow them that believe.  In my name shall
they cast out devils: they shall speak with new tongues.  They shall
take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt
them: they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.'

`Well, you can't heal the sick, neither can you speak new languages or
cast out devils: but perhaps you can drink deadly things without
suffering harm.'  The speaker here suddenly drew from his waistcoat
pocket a small glass bottle and held it out towards Misery, who shrank
from it with horror as he continued: `I have here a most deadly
poison.  There is in this bottle sufficient strychnine to kill a dozen
unbelievers.  Drink it!  And if it doesn't harm you, we'll know that
you really are a believer and that what you believe is the truth!'

`'Ear, 'ear!' said the Semi-drunk, who had listened to the progress of
the argument with great interest.  `'Ear, 'ear!  That's fair enough.
Git it acrost yer chest.'

Some of the people in the crowd began to laugh, and voices were heard
from several quarters calling upon Misery to drink the strychnine.

`Now, if you'll allow me, I'll explain to you what that there verse
means,' said Hunter.  `If you read it carefully - WITH the context -'

`I don't want you to tell me what it means,' interrupted the other.
`I am able to read for myself.  Whatever you may say, or pretend to
think it means, I know what it says.'

`Hear, Hear,' shouted several voices, and angry cries of `Why don't
you drink the poison?' began to be heard from the outskirts of the

`Are you going to drink it or not?' demanded the man with the bottle.

`No!  I'm not such a fool!' retorted Misery, fiercely, and a loud
shout of laughter broke from the crowd.'

`P'haps some of the other "believers" would like to,' said the young
man sneeringly, looking round upon the disciples.  As no one seemed
desirous of availing himself of this offer, the man returned the
bottle regretfully to his pocket.

`I suppose,' said Misery, regarding the owner of the strychnine with a
sneer, `I suppose you're one of them there hired critics wot's goin'
about the country doin' the Devil's work?'

`Wot I wants to know is this 'ere,' said the Semi-drunk, suddenly
advancing into the middle of the ring and speaking in a loud voice.
`Where did Cain get 'is wife from?'

`Don't answer 'im, Brother 'Unter,' said Mr Didlum, one of the
disciples.  This was rather an unnecessary piece of advice, because
Misery did not know the answer.

An individual in a long black garment - the `minister' - now whispered
something to Miss Didlum, who was seated at the organ, whereupon she
began to play, and the `believers' began to sing, as loud as they
could so as to drown the voices of the disturbers of the meeting, a
song called `Oh, that will be Glory for me!'

After this hymn the `minister' invited a shabbily dressed `brother' -
a working-man member of the PSA, to say a `few words', and the latter
accordingly stepped into the centre of the ring and held forth as

`My dear frens, I thank Gord tonight that I can stand 'ere tonight,
hout in the hopen hair and tell hall you dear people tonight of hall
wot's been done for ME.  Ho my dear frens hi ham so glad tonight as I
can stand 'ere tonight and say as hall my sins is hunder the blood
tonight and wot 'E's done for me 'E can do for you tonight.  If you'll
honly do as I done and just acknowledge yourself a lost sinner -'

`Yes! that's the honly way!' shouted Nimrod.

`Amen,' cried all the other believers.

`- If you'll honly come to 'im tonight in the same way as I done
you'll see wot 'E's done for me 'E can do for you.  Ho my dear frens,
don't go puttin' it orf from day to day like a door turnin' on its
'inges, don't put orf to some more convenient time because you may
never 'ave another chance.  'Im that bein' orfen reproved 'ardeneth
'is neck shall be suddenly cut orf and that without remedy.  Ho come
to 'im tonight, for 'Is name's sake and to 'Im we'll give hall the
glory.  Amen.'

`Amen,' said the believers, fervently, and then the man who was
dressed in the long garment entreated all those who were not yet true
believers - and doers - of the word to join earnestly and MEANINGLY in
the singing of the closing hymn, which he was about to read out to

The Semi-drunk obligingly conducted as before, and the crowd faded
away with the last notes of the music.

Chapter 24


As has already been stated, hitherto Slyme had passed the greater
number of his evenings at home, but during the following three weeks a
change took place in his habits in this respect.  He now went out
nearly every night and did not return until after ten o'clock.  On
meeting nights he always changed his attire, dressing himself as on
Sundays, but on the other occasions he went out in his week-day
clothes.  Ruth often wondered where he went on those nights, but he
never volunteered the information and she never asked him.

Easton had chummed up with a lot of the regular customers at the
`Cricketers', where he now spent most of his spare time, drinking
beer, telling yarns or playing shove-ha'penny or hooks and rings.
When he had no cash the Old Dear gave him credit until Saturday.  At
first, the place had not had much attraction for him, and he really
went there only for the purpose of `keeping in' with Crass: but after
a time he found it a very congenial way of passing his evenings ...

One evening, Ruth saw Slyme meet Crass as if by appointment and as the
two men went away together she returned to her housework wondering
what it meant.

Meantime, Crass and Slyme proceeded on their way down town.  It was
about half past six o'clock: the shops and streets were brilliantly
lighted, and as they went along they saw numerous groups of men
talking together in a listless way.  Most of them were artisans and
labourers out of employment and evidently in no great hurry to go
home.  Some of them had neither tea nor fire to go to, and stayed away
from home as long as possible so as not to be compelled to look upon
the misery of those who were waiting for them there.  Others hung
about hoping against all probability that they might even yet -
although it was so late - hear of some job to be started somewhere or

As they passed one of these groups they recognized and nodded to
Newman and old Jack Linden, and the former left the others and came up
to Crass and Slyme, who did not pause, so Newman walked along with

`Anything fresh in, Bob?' he asked.

`No; we ain't got 'ardly anything,' replied Crass.  `I reckon we shall
finish up at "The Cave" next week, and then I suppose we shall all be
stood orf.  We've got several plumbers on, and I believe there's a
little gas-fitting work in, but next to nothing in our line.'

`I suppose you don't know of any other firm what's got anything?'

`No, I don't, mate.  Between you and me, I don't think any of 'em has;
they're all in about the same fix.'

`I've not done anything since I left, you know,' said Newman, `and
we've just about got as far as we can get, at home.'

Slyme and Crass said nothing in reply to this.  They wished that
Newman would take himself off, because they did not want him to know
where they were going.

However, Newman continued to accompany them and an awkward silence
succeeded.  He seemed to wish to say something more, and they both
guessed what it was.  So they walked along as rapidly as possible in
order not to give him any encouragement.  At last Newman blurted out:

`I suppose - you don't happen - either of you - to have a tanner you
could lend me?  I'll let you have it back - when I get a job.'

`I ain't mate,' replied Crass.  `I'm sorry; if I 'ad one on me, you
should 'ave it, with pleasure.'

Slyme also expressed his regret that he had no money with him, and at
the corner of the next street Newman - ashamed of having asked -
wished them `good night' and went away.

Slyme and Crass hurried along and presently arrived at Rushton & Co.'s
shop.  The windows were lit up with electric light, displaying an
assortment of wallpapers, gas and electric light fittings, glass
shades, globes, tins of enamel, paint and varnish.  Several framed
show-cards - `Estimates Free', `First class work only, at moderate
charges', `Only First Class Workmen Employed' and several others of
the same type.  On one side wall of the window was a large
shield-shaped board covered with black velvet on which a number of
brass fittings for coffins were arranged.  The shield was on an oak
mount with the inscription: `Funerals conducted on modern principles'.

Slyme waited outside while Crass went in.  Mr Budd, the shopman, was
down at the far end near the glazed partition which separated Mr
Rushton's office from the front shop.  As Crass entered, Budd - who
was a pale-faced, unhealthy-looking, undersized youth about twenty
years of age - looked round and, with a grimace, motioned him to walk
softly . Crass paused, wondering what the other meant; but the shopman
beckoned him to advance, grinning and winking and jerking his thumb
over his shoulder in the direction of the office.  Crass hesitated,
fearing that possibly the miserable Budd had gone - or been driven -
out of his mind; but as the latter continued to beckon and grin and
point towards the office Crass screwed up his courage and followed him
behind one of the showcases, and applying his eye to a crack in the
woodwork of the partition indicated by Budd, he could see Mr Rushton
in the act of kissing and embracing Miss Wade, the young lady clerk.
Crass watched them for some time and then whispered to Budd to call
Slyme, and when the latter came they all three took turns at peeping
through the crack in the partition.

When they had looked their fill they came out from behind the
showcase, almost bursting with suppressed merriment.  Budd reached
down a key from where it was hanging on a hook on the wall and gave it
to Crass and the two resumed their interrupted journey.  But before
they had proceeded a dozen yards from the shop, they were accosted by
a short, elderly man with grey hair and a beard.  This man looked
about sixty-five years of age, and was very shabbily dressed.  The
ends of the sleeves of his coat were frayed and ragged, and the elbows
were worn threadbare.  His boots were patched, broken, and down at
heel, and the knees and bottoms of the legs of his trousers were in
the same condition as the sleeves of his coat.  This man's name was
Latham; he was a venetian blind maker and repairer.  With his son, he
was supposed to be `in business' on his own account, but as most of
their work was done for `the trade', that is, for such firms as
Rushton & Co., they would be more correctly described as men who did
piecework at home.

He had been `in business' - as he called it - for about forty years
working, working, always working; and ever since his son became old
enough to labour he had helped his father in the philanthropic task of
manufacturing profits for the sweaters who employed them.  They had
been so busy running after work, and working for the benefit of
others, that they had overlooked the fact that they were only earning
a bare living for themselves and now, after forty years' hard labour,
the old man was clothed in rags and on the verge of destitution.

`Is Rushton there?' he asked.

`Yes, I think so,' replied Crass, attempting to pass on; but the old
man detained him.

`He promised to let us know about them blinds for "The Cave".  We gave
'im a price for 'em about a month ago.  In fact, we gave 'im two
prices, because he said the first was too high.  Five and six a set I
asked 'im!  take 'em right through the 'ole 'ouse! one with another -
big and little.  Two coats of paint, and new tapes and cords.  That
wasn't too much, was it?'

`No,' said Crass, walking on; `that was cheap enough!'

HE said it was too much,' continued Latham.  `Said as 'e could get 'em
done cheaper!  But I say as no one can't do it and make a living.'

As he walked along, talking, between Crass and Slyme, the old man
became very excited.

`But we 'adn't nothing to do to speak of, so my son told 'im we'd do
'em for five bob a set, and 'e said 'e'd let us know, but we ain't
'eard nothing from 'im yet, so I thought I'd try and see 'im tonight.'

Well, you'll find 'im in there now,' said Slyme with a peculiar look,
and walking faster.  `Good night.'

`I won't take 'em on for no less!' cried the old man as he turned
back.  I've got my livin' to get, and my son's got 'is wife and little
'uns to keep.  We can't work for nothing!'

`Certainly not,' said Crass, glad to get away at last.  `Good night,
and good luck to you.'

As soon as they were out of hearing, they both burst out laughing at
the old man's vehemence.

`Seemed quite upset about it,' said Slyme; and they laughed again.

They now left the main road and pursued their way through a number of
badly lighted, mean-looking streets, and finally turning down a kind
of alley, arrived at their destination.  On one side of this street
was a row of small houses; facing these were a number of buildings of
a miscellaneous description - sheds and stables; and beyond these a
plot of waste ground on which could be seen, looming weirdly through
the dusk, a number of empty carts and waggons with their shafts
resting on the ground or reared up into the air.  Threading their way
carefully through these and avoiding as much as possible the mud,
pools of water, and rubbish which covered the ground, they arrived at
a large gate fastened with a padlock.  Applying the key, Crass swung
back the gate and they found themselves in a large yard filled with
building materials and plant, ladders, huge tressels, planks and beams
of wood, hand-carts, and wheelbarrows, heaps of sand and mortar and
innumerable other things that assumed strange fantastic shapes in the
semi-darkness.  Crates and packing cases, lengths of iron guttering
and rain-pipes, old door-frames and other woodwork that had been taken
from buildings where alterations had been made.  And over all these
things, a gloomy, indistinct and shapeless mass, rose the buildings
and sheds that comprised Rushton & Co.'s workshop.

Crass struck a match, and Slyme, stooping down, drew a key from a
crevice in the wall near one of the doors, which he unlocked, and they
entered.  Crass struck another match and lit the gas at the jointed
bracket fixed to the wall.  This was the paint-shop.  At one end was a
fireplace without a grate but with an iron bar fixed across the
blackened chimney for the purpose of suspending pails or pots over the
fire, which was usually made of wood on the hearthstone.  All round
the walls of the shop - which had once been whitewashed, but were now
covered with smears of paint of every colour where the men had `rubbed
out' their brushes - were rows of shelves with kegs of paint upon
them.  In front of the window was a long bench covered with an untidy
litter of dirty paint-pots, including several earthenware mixing
vessels or mortars, the sides of these being thickly coated with dried
paint.  Scattered about the stone floor were a number of dirty pails,
either empty or containing stale whitewash; and standing on a sort of
low platform or shelf at one end of the shop were four large round
tanks fitted with taps and labelled `Boiled Oil', `Turps', `Linseed
Oil', `Turps Substitute'.  The lower parts of the walls were
discoloured with moisture.  The atmosphere was cold and damp and foul
with the sickening odours of the poisonous materials.

It was in this place that Bert - the apprentice - spent most of his
time, cleaning out pots and pails, during slack periods when there
were no jobs going on outside.

In the middle of the shop, under a two-armed gas pendant, was another
table or bench, also thickly coated with old, dried paint, and by the
side of this were two large stands on which were hanging up to dry
some of the lathes of the venetian blinds belonging to `The Cave',
which Crass and Slyme were painting - piecework - in their spare time.
The remainder of the lathes were leaning against the walls or piled in
stacks on the table.

Crass shivered with cold as he lit the two gas-jets.  `Make a bit of a
fire, Alf, he said, `while I gets the colour ready.'

Slyme went outside and presently returned with his arms full of old
wood, which he smashed up and threw into the fireplace; then he took
an empty paint-pot and filled it with turpentine from the big tank and
emptied it over the wood.  Amongst the pots on the mixing bench he
found one full of old paint, and he threw this over the wood also, and
in a few minutes he had made a roaring fire.

Meantime, Crass had prepared the paint and brushes and taken down the
lathes from the drying frames.  The two men now proceeded with the
painting of the blinds, working rapidly, each lathe being hung on the
wires of the drying frame after being painted.  They talked freely as
they worked, having no fear of being overheard by Rushton or Nimrod.
This job was piecework, so it didn't matter whether they talked or
not.  They waxed hilarious over Old Latham's discomfiture and wondered
what he would say if he could see them now.  Then the conversation
drifted to the subject of the private characters of the other men who
were employed by Rushton & Co., and an impartial listener - had there
been one there - would have been forced to come to the same conclusion
as Crass and Slyme did: namely, that they themselves were the only two
decent fellows on the firm.  There was something wrong or shady about
everybody else.  That bloke Barrington, for instance - it was a very
funny business, you know, for a chap like 'im to be workin' as a
labourer, it looked very suspicious.  Nobody knowed exactly who 'e was
or where 'e come from, but anyone could tell 'e'd been a toff.  It was
very certain 'e'd never bin brought up to work for 'is livin'.  The
most probable explanation was that 'e'd committed some crime and bin
disowned by 'is family - pinched some money, or forged a cheque or
something like that.  Then there was that Sawkins.  He was no class
whatever.  It was a well-known fact that he used to go round to
Misery's house nearly every night to tell him every little thing that
had happened on the job during the day!  As for Payne, the foreman
carpenter, the man was a perfect fool: he'd find out the difference if
ever he got the sack from Rushton's and went to work for some other
firm!  He didn't understand his trade, and he couldn't make a coffin
properly to save 'is life!  Then there was that rotter Owen; there was
a bright specimen for yer!  An Atheist! didn't believe in no God or
Devil or nothing else.  A pretty state of things there would be if
these Socialists could have their own way: for one thing, nobody would
be allowed to work overtime!

Crass and Slyme worked and talked in this manner till ten o'clock, and
then they extinguished the fire by throwing some water on it - put out
the gas and locked up the shop and the yard, dropping the key of the
latter into the letter-box at Rushton's office on their way home.

In this way they worked at the blinds nearly every night for three

When Saturday arrived the, men working at `The Cave' were again
surprised that nobody was sacked, and they were divided in opinion as
to the reason, some thinking that Nimrod was determined to keep them
all on till the job was finished, so as to get it done as quickly as
possible; and others boldly asserting the truth of a rumour that had
been going about for several days that the firm had another big job
in.  Mr Sweater had bought another house; Rushton had to do it up, and
they were all to be kept on to start this other work as soon as `The
Cave' was finished.  Crass knew no more than anyone else and he
maintained a discreet silence, but the fact that he did not contradict
the rumour served to strengthen it.  The only foundation that existed
for this report was that Rushton and Misery had been seen looking over
the garden gate of a large empty house near `The Cave'.  But although
it had such an insignificant beginning, the rumour had grown and
increased in detail and importance day by day.  That very morning at
breakfast-time, the man on the pail had announced that he had heard on
the very best authority that Mr Sweater had sold all his interest in
the great business that bore his name and was about to retire into
private life, and that he intended to buy up all the house property in
the neighbourhood of `The Cave'.  Another individual - one of the new
hands - said that he had heard someone else - in a public house - say
that Rushton was about to marry one of Sweater's daughters, and that
Sweater intended to give the couple a house to live in, as a wedding
present: but the fact that Rushton was already married and the father
of four children, rather knocked the bottom out of this story, so it
was regretfully dismissed.  Whatever the reason, the fact remained
that nobody had been discharged, and when pay-time arrived they set
out for the office in high spirits.

That evening, the weather being fine, Slyme went out as usual to his
open-air meeting, but Easton departed from HIS usual custom of rushing
off to the `Cricketers' directly he had had his tea, having on this
occasion promised to wait for Ruth and to go with her to do the
marketing.  The baby was left at home alone, asleep in the cradle.

By the time they had made all their purchases they had a fairly heavy
load.  Easton carried the string-bag containing the potatoes and other
vegetables, and the meat, and Ruth, the groceries.  On their way home,
they had to pass the `Cricketers' and just before they reached that
part of their journey they met Mr and Mrs Crass, who were also out
marketing.  They both insisted on Easton and Ruth going in to have a
drink with them.  Ruth did not want to go, but she allowed herself to
be persuaded for she could see that Easton was beginning to get angry
with her for refusing.  Crass had on a new overcoat and a new hat,
with dark grey trousers and yellow boots, and a `stand-up' collar with
a bright blue tie.  His wife - a fat, vulgar-looking, well-preserved
woman about forty - was arrayed in a dark red `motor' costume, with
hat to match.  Both Easton and Ruth - whose best clothes had all been
pawned to raise the money to pay the poor rate - felt very mean and
shabby before them.

When they got inside, Crass paid for the first round of drinks, a pint
of Old Six for himself; the same for Easton, half a pint for Mrs
Easton and threepenny-worth of gin for Mrs Crass.

The Besotted Wretch was there, just finishing a game of hooks and
rings with the Semi-drunk - who had called round on the day after he
was thrown out, to apologize for his conduct to the Old Dear, and had
since then become one of the regular customers.  Philpot was absent.
He had been there that afternoon, so the Old Dear said, but he had
gone home about five o'clock, and had not been back since.  He was
almost sure to look in again in the course of the evening.

Although the house was not nearly so full as it would have been if
times had been better, there was a large number of people there, for
the `Cricketers' was one of the most popular houses in the town.
Another thing that helped to make them busy was the fact that two
other public houses in the vicinity had recently been closed up.
There were people in all the compartments.  Some of the seats in the
public bar were occupied by women, some young and accompanied by their
husbands, some old and evidently sodden with drink.  In one corner of
the public bar, drinking beer or gin with a number of young fellows,
were three young girls who worked at a steam laundry in the
neighbourhood.  Two large, fat, gipsy-looking women: evidently
hawkers, for on the floor beside them were two baskets containing
bundles of flowers - chrysanthemums and Michaelmas daisies.  There
were also two very plainly and shabbily dressed women about
thirty-five years of age, who were always to be found there on
Saturday nights, drinking with any man who was willing to pay for
them.  The behaviour of these two women was very quiet and their
manners unobtrusive.  They seemed to realize that they were there only
on sufferance, and their demeanour was shamefaced and humble.

The majority of the guests were standing.  The floor was sprinkled
with sawdust which served to soak up the beer that slopped out of the
glasses of those whose hands were too unsteady to hold them upright.
The air was foul with the smell of beer, spirits and tobacco smoke,
and the uproar was deafening, for nearly everyone was talking at the
same time, their voices clashing discordantly with the strains of the
Polyphone, which was playing `The Garden of Your Heart'.  In one
corner a group of men convulsed with laughter at the details of a
dirty story related by one of their number.  Several impatient
customers were banging the bottoms of their empty glasses or pewters
on the counter and shouting their orders for more beer.  Oaths, curses
and obscene expressions resounded on every hand, coming almost as
frequently from the women as the men.  And over all the rattle of
money, the ringing of the cash register.  The clinking and rattling of
the glasses and pewter pots as they were being washed, and the
gurgling noise made by the beer as it poured into the drinking vessels
from the taps of the beer engine, whose handles were almost
incessantly manipulated by the barman, the Old Dear and the glittering
landlady, whose silken blouse, bejewelled hair, ears, neck and fingers
scintillated gloriously in the blaze of the gaslight.

The scene was so novel and strange to Ruth that she felt dazed and
bewildered.  Previous to her marriage she had been a total abstainer,
but since then she had occasionally taken a glass of beer with Easton
for company's sake with their Sunday dinner at home; but it was
generally Easton who went out and bought the beer in a jug.  Once or
twice she had bought it herself at an Off Licence beer-shop near where
they lived, but she had never before been in a public house to drink.
She was so confused and ill at ease that she scarcely heard or
understood Mrs Crass, who talked incessantly, principally about their
other residents in North Street where they both resided; and about Mr
Crass.  She also promised Ruth to introduce her presently - if he came
in, as he was almost certain to do - to Mr Partaker, one of her two
lodgers a most superior young man, who had been with them now for over
three years and would not leave on any account.  In fact, he had been
their lodger in their old house, and when they moved he came with them
to North Street, although it was farther away from his place of
business than their former residence.  Mrs Crass talked a lot more of
the same sort of stuff, to which Ruth listened like one in a dream,
and answered with an occasional yes or no.

Meantime, Crass and Easton - the latter had deposited the string-bag
on the seat at Ruth's side - and the Semi-drunk and the Besotted
Wretch, arranged to play a match of Hooks and Rings, the losers to pay
for drinks for all the party, including the two women.  Crass and the
Semi-drunk tossed up for sides.  Crass won and picked the Besotted
Wretch, and the game began.  It was a one-sided affair from the first,
for Easton and the Semi-drunk were no match for the other two.  The
end of it was that Easton and his partner had to pay for the drinks.
The four men had a pint each of four ale, and Mrs Crass had another
threepennyworth of gin.  Ruth protested that she did not want any more
to drink, but the others ridiculed this, and both the Besotted Wretch
and the Semi-drunk seemed to regard her unwillingness as a personal
insult, so she allowed them to get her another half-pint of beer,
which she was compelled to drink, because she was conscious that the
others were watching her to see that she did so.

The Semi-drunk now suggested a return match.  He wished to have his
revenge.  He was a little out of practice, he said, and was only just
getting his hand in as they were finishing the other game.  Crass and
his partner readily assented, and in spite of Ruth's whispered
entreaty that they should return home without further delay, Easton
insisted on joining the game.

Although they played more carefully than before, and notwithstanding
the fact that the Besotted Wretch was very drunk, Easton and his
partner were again beaten and once more had to pay for the drinks.
The men had a pint each as before.  Mrs Crass - upon whom the liquor
so far seemed to have no effect - had another threepennyworth of gin;
and Ruth consented to take another glass of beer on condition that
Easton would come away directly their drinks were finished.  Easton
agreed to do so, but instead of keeping his word he began to play a
four-handed game of shove-ha'penny with the other three, the sides and
stakes being arranged as before.

The liquor was by this time beginning to have some effect upon Ruth:
she felt dizzy and confused.  Whenever it was necessary to reply to
Mrs Crass's talk she found some difficulty in articulating the words
and she knew she was not answering very intelligently.  Even when Mrs
Crass introduced her to the interesting Mr Partaker, who arrived about
this time, she was scarcely able to collect herself sufficiently to
decline that fascinating gentleman's invitation to have another drink
with himself and Mrs Crass.

After a time a kind of terror took possession of her, and she resolved
that if Easton would not come when he had finished the game he was
playing, she would go home without him.

Meantime the game of shove-ha'penny proceeded merrily, the majority of
the male guests crowding round the board, applauding or censuring the
players as occasion demanded.  The Semi-drunk was in high glee, for
Crass was not much of a hand at this game, and the Besotted Wretch,
although playing well, was not able to make up for his partner's want
of skill.  As the game drew near its end and it became more and more
certain that his opponents would be defeated, the joy of the
Semi-drunk was unbounded, and he challenged them to make it double or
quits - a generous offer which they wisely declined, and shortly
afterwards, seeing that their position was hopeless, they capitulated
and prepared to pay the penalty of the vanquished.

Crass ordered the drinks and the Besotted Wretch - half the damage - a
pint of four ale for each of the men and the same as before for the
ladies.  The Old Dear executed the order, but by mistake, being very
busy, he served two `threes' of gin instead of one.  Ruth did not want
any more at all, but she was afraid to say so, and she did not like to
make any fuss about it being the wrong drink, especially as they all
assured her that the spirits would do her more good than beer.  She
did not want either; she wanted to get away, and would have liked to
empty the stuff out of the glass on the floor, but she was afraid that
Mrs Crass or one of the others might see her doing so, and there might
be some trouble about it.  Anyway, it seemed easier to drink this
small quantity of spirits and water than a big glass of beer, the very
thought of which now made her feel ill.  She drank the stuff which
Easton handed to her at a single draught and, handing back the empty
glass with a shudder, stood up resolutely.

`Are you coming home now?  You promised you would,' she said.

`All right: presently,' replied Easton.  'There's plenty of time; it's
not nine yet.'

`That doesn't matter; it's quite late enough.  You know we've left the
child at home alone in the house.  You promised you'd come as soon as
you'd finished that other game.'

`All right, all right,' answered Easton impatiently.  `Just wait a
minute, I want to see this, and then I'll come.'

`This' was a most interesting problem propounded by Crass, who had
arranged eleven matches side by side on the shove-ha'penny board.  The
problem was to take none away and yet leave only nine.  Nearly all the
men in the bar were crowding round the shove-ha'penny board, some with
knitted brows and drunken gravity trying to solve the puzzle and
others waiting curiously for the result.  Easton crossed over to see
how it was done, and as none of the crowd were able to do the trick,
Crass showed that it could be accomplished by simply arranging the
eleven matches so as to form the word NINE. Everybody said it was very
good indeed, very clever and interesting.  But the Semi-drunk and the
Besotted Wretch were reminded by this trick of several others equally
good, and they proceeded to do them; and then the men had another pint
each all round as a reviver after the mental strain of the last few

Easton did not know any tricks himself, but he was an interested
spectator of those done by several others until Ruth came over and
touched his arm.

`Aren't you coming?'

`Wait a minute, can't you?' cried Easton roughly.  `What's your

`I don't want to stay here any longer,' said Ruth, hysterically.  `You
said you'd come as soon as you saw that trick.  If you don't come, I
shall go home by myself.  I don't want to stay in this place any

`Well, go by yourself if you want to!' shouted Easton fiercely,
pushing her away from him.  `I shall stop 'ere as long as I please,
and if you don't like it you can do the other thing.'

Ruth staggered and nearly fell from the force of the push he gave her,
and the man turned again to the table to watch the Semi-drunk, who was
arranging six matches so as to form the numeral XII, and who said he
could prove that this was equal to a thousand.

Ruth waited a few minutes longer, and then as Easton took no further
notice of her, she took up the string-bag and the other parcels, and
without staying to say good night to Mrs Crass - who was earnestly
conversing with the interesting Partaker - she with some difficulty
opened the door and went out into the street.  The cold night air felt
refreshing and sweet after the foul atmosphere of the public house,
but after a little while she began to feel faint and dizzy, and was
conscious also that she was walking unsteadily, and she fancied that
people stared at her strangely as they passed.  The parcels felt very
heavy and awkward to carry, and the string-bag seemed as if it were
filled with lead.

Although under ordinary circumstances it was only about ten minutes'
walk home from here, she resolved to go by one of the trams which
passed by the end of North Street.  With this intention, she put down
her bag on the pavement at the stopping-place, and waited, resting her
hand on the iron pillar at the corner of the street, where a little
crowd of people were standing evidently with the same object as
herself.  Two trains passed without stopping, for they were already
full of passengers, a common circumstance on Saturday nights.  The
next one stopped, and several persons alighted, and then ensued a
fierce struggle amongst the waiting crowd for the vacant seats.  Men
and women pushed, pulled and almost fought, shoving their fists and
elbows into each other's sides and breasts and faces.  Ruth was
quickly thrust aside and nearly knocked down, and the tram, having
taken aboard as many passengers as it had accommodation for, passed
on.  She waited for the next one, and the same scene was enacted with
the same result for her, and then, reflecting that if she had not
stayed for these trains she might have been home by now, she
determined to resume her walk.  The parcels felt heavier than ever,
and she had not proceeded very far before she was compelled to put the
bag down again upon the pavement, outside an empty house.

Leaning against the railings, she felt very tired and ill.  Everything
around her - the street, the houses, the traffic - seemed vague and
shadowy and unreal.  Several people looked curiously at her as they
passed, but by this time she was scarcely conscious of their scrutiny.

Slyme had gone that evening to the usual `open-air' conducted by the
Shining Light Mission.  The weather being fine, they had a most
successful meeting, the disciples, including Hunter, Rushton, Sweater,
Didlum, and Mrs Starvem - Ruth's former mistress - assembled in great
force so as to be able to deal more effectively with any infidels or
hired critics or drunken scoffers who might try to disturb the
proceedings; and - possibly as an evidence of how much real faith
there was in them - they had also arranged to have a police officer in
attendance, to protect them from what they called the `Powers of
Darkness'.  One might be excused for thinking that - if they really
believed - they would have relied rather upon those powers of Light
which they professed to represent on this planet to protect them
without troubling to call in the aid of such a `worldly' force as the
police.  However, it came to pass that on this occasion the only
infidels present were those who were conducting the meeting, but as
these consisted for the most part of members of the chapel, it will be
seen that the infidel fraternity was strongly represented.

On his way home after the meeting Slyme had to pass by the
`Cricketers' and as he drew near the place he wondered if Easton was
there, but he did not like to go and look in, because he was afraid
someone might see him coming away and perhaps think he had been in to
drink.  Just as he arrived opposite the house another man opened the
door of the public bar and entered, enabling Slyme to catch a
momentary glimpse of the interior, where he saw Easton and Crass with
a number of others who were strangers to him, laughing and drinking

Slyme hurried away; it had turned very cold, and he was anxious to get
home.  As he approached the place where the trams stopped to take up
passengers and saw that there was a tram in sight he resolved to wait
for it and ride home: but when the tram arrived and there were only
one or two seats vacant, and although he did his best to secure one of
these he was unsuccessful, and after a moment's hesitation he decided
that it would be quicker to walk than to wait for the next one.  He
accordingly resumed his journey, but he had not gone very far when he
saw a small crowd of people on the pavement on the other side of the
road outside an unoccupied house, and although he was in a hurry to
get home he crossed over to see what was the matter.  There were about
twenty people standing there, and in the centre close to the railing
there were three or four women whom Slyme could not see although he
could hear their voices.

`What's up?' he inquired of a man on the edge of the crowd.

`Oh, nothing much,' returned the other.  `Some young woman; she's
either ill, come over faint, or something - or else she's had a drop
too much.'

`Quite a respectable-looking young party, too,' said another man.

Several young fellows in the crowd were amusing themselves by making
suggestive jokes about the young woman and causing some laughter by
the expressions of mock sympathy.

`Doesn't anyone know who she is?' said the second man who had spoken
in reply to Slyme's inquiry.

`No,' said a woman who was standing a little nearer the middle of the
crowd.  `And she won't say where she lives.'

`She'll be all right now she's had that glass of soda,' said another
man, elbowing his way out of the crowd.  As this individual came out,
Slyme managed to work himself a little further into the group of
people, and he uttered an involuntary cry of astonishment as he caught
sight of Ruth, very pale, and looking very ill, as she stood clasping
one of the railings with her left hand and holding the packages of
groceries in the other.  She had by this time recovered sufficiently
to feel overwhelmed with shame and confusion before the crowd of
strangers who hemmed her in on every side, and some of whom she could
hear laughing and joking about her.  It was therefore with a sensation
of intense relief and gratitude that she saw Slyme's familiar face and
heard his friendly voice as he forced his way through to her side.

`I can walk home all right now,' she stammered in reply to his anxious
questioning.  `If you wouldn't mind carrying some of these things for

He insisted on taking all the parcels, and the crowd, having jumped to
the conclusion that he was the young woman's husband began to dwindle
away, one of the jokers remarking `It's all over!' in a loud voice as
he took himself off.

It was only about seven minutes' walk home from there, and as the
streets along which they had to pass were not very brilliantly
lighted, Ruth was able to lean on Slyme's arm most of the way.  When
they arrived home, after she had removed her hat, he made her sit down
in the armchair by the fire, which was burning brightly, and the
kettle was singing on the hob, for she had banked up the fire with
cinders and small coal before she went out.

The baby was still asleep in the cradle, but his slumbers had
evidently not been of the most restful kind, for he had kicked all the
bedclothes off him and was lying all uncovered.  Ruth obeyed passively
when Slyme told her to sit down, and, lying back languidly in the
armchair, she watched him through half-closed eyes and with a slight
flush on her face as he deftly covered the sleeping child with the
bedclothes and settled him more comfortably in the cot.

Slyme now turned his attention to the fire, and as he placed the
kettle upon it he remarked: `As soon as the water boils I'll make you
some strong tea.'

During their walk home she had acquainted Slyme with the cause of her
being in the condition in which he found her in the street, and as she
reclined in the armchair, drowsily watching him, she wondered what
would have happened to her if he had not passed by when he did.

`Are you feeling better?' he asked, looking down at her.

`Yes, thanks. I feel quite well now; but I'm afraid I've given you a
lot of trouble.'

`No, you haven't.  Nothing I can do for you is a trouble to me.  But
don't you think you'd better take your jacket off?  Here, let me help

It took a very long time to get this jacket off, because whilst he was
helping her, Slyme kissed her repeatedly and passionately as she lay
limp and unresisting in his arms.

Chapter 25

The Oblong

During the following week the work at `The Cave' progressed rapidly
towards completion, although, the hours of daylight being so few, the
men worked only from 8 A.M. till 4 P.M. and they had their breakfasts
before they came.  This made 40 hours a week, so that those who were
paid sevenpence an hour earned 1.3.4.  Those who got sixpence-
halfpenny drew 1.1.8.  Those whose wages were fivepence an hour were
paid the princely sum of 16/8d. for their week's hard labour, and
those whose rate was fourpence-halfpenny `picked up' 15/-.

And yet there are people who have the insolence to say that Drink is
the cause of poverty.

And many of the persons who say this, spend more money than that on
drink themselves - every day of their useless lives.

By Tuesday night all the inside was finished with the exception of the
kitchen and scullery.  The painting of the kitchen had been delayed
owing to the non-arrival of the new cooking range, and the scullery
was still used as the paint shop.  The outside work was also nearly
finished: all the first coating was done and the second coating was
being proceeded with.  According to the specification, all the outside
woodwork was supposed to have three coats, and the guttering,
rain-pipes and other ironwork two coats, but Crass and Hunter had
arranged to make two coats do for most of the windows and woodwork,
and all the ironwork was to be made to do with one coat only.  The
windows were painted in two colours: the sashes dark green and the
frames white.  All the rest - gables, doors, railings, guttering, etc. -
was dark green; and all the dark green paint was made with boiled
linseed oil and varnish; no turpentine being allowed to be used on
this part of the work.

`This is some bloody fine stuff to 'ave to use, ain't it?' remarked
Harlow to Philpot on Wednesday morning.  `It's more like a lot of
treacle than anything else.'

`Yes: and it won't arf blister next summer when it gets a bit of sun
on it,' replied Philpot with a grin.

`I suppose they're afraid that if they was to put a little turps in,
it wouldn't bear out, and they'd 'ave to give it another coat.'

`You can bet yer life that's the reason,' said Philpot.  `But all the
same I mean to pinch a drop to put in mine as soon as Crass is gorn.'

`Gorn where?'

`Why, didn't you know? there's another funeral on today?  Didn't you
see that corfin plate what Owen was writing in the drorin'-room last
Saturday morning?'

`No, I wasn't 'ere.  Don't you remember I was sent away to do a
ceilin' and a bit of painting over at Windley?'

`Oh, of course; I forgot,' exclaimed Philpot.

`I reckon Crass and Slyme must be making a small fortune out of all
these funerals,' said Harlow.  `This makes the fourth in the last
fortnight.  What is it they gets for 'em?'

`A shillin' for taking' 'ome the corfin and liftin' in the corpse, and
four bob for the funeral - five bob altogether.'

`That's a bit of all right, ain't it?' said Harlow.  `A couple of them
in a week besides your week's wages, eh?  Five bob for two or three
hours work!'

`Yes, the money's all right, mate, but they're welcome to it for my
part . I don't want to go messin' about with no corpses,' replied
Philpot with a shudder.

`Who is this last party what's dead?' asked Harlow after a pause.

`It's a parson what used to belong to the "Shining Light" Chapel.
He'd been abroad for 'is 'ollerdays - to Monte Carlo.  It seems 'e was
ill before 'e went away, but the change did 'im a lot of good; in
fact, 'e was quite recovered, and 'e was coming back again.  But while
'e was standin' on the platform at Monte Carlo Station waitin' for the
train, a porter runned into 'im with a barrer load o' luggage, and 'e
blowed up.'

`Blowed up?'

`Yes,' repeated Philpot.  `Blowed up!  Busted!  Exploded!  All into
pieces.  But they swep' 'em all up and put it in a corfin and it's to
be planted this afternoon.'

Harlow maintained an awestruck silence, and Philpot continued:

`I had a drink the other night with a butcher bloke what used to serve
this parson with meat, and we was talkin' about what a strange sort of
death it was, but 'e said 'e wasn't at all surprised to 'ear of it;
the only thing as 'e wondered at was that the man didn't blow up long
ago, considerin' the amount of grub as 'e used to make away with.  He
ses the quantities of stuff as 'e's took there and seen other
tradesmen take was something chronic.  Tons of it!'

`What was the parson's name?' asked Harlow.

`Belcher.  You must 'ave noticed 'im about the town.  A very fat
chap,' replied Philpot.  `I'm sorry you wasn't 'ere on Saturday to see
the corfin plate.  Frank called me in to see the wordin' when 'e'd
finished it.  It had on: "Jonydab Belcher.  Born January 1st, 1849.
Ascended, December 8th, 19--"'

`Oh, I know the bloke now!' cried Harlow.  `I remember my youngsters
bringin' 'ome a subscription list what they'd got up at the Sunday
School to send 'im away for a 'ollerday because 'e was ill, and I gave
'em a penny each to put on their cards because I didn't want 'em to
feel mean before the other young 'uns.'

`Yes, it's the same party.  Two or three young 'uns asked me to give
'em something to put on at the time.  And I see they've got another
subscription list on now.  I met one of Newman's children yesterday
and she showed it to me.  It's for an entertainment and a Christmas
Tree for all the children what goes to the Sunday School, so I didn't
mind giving just a trifle for anything like that.' ...

`Seems to be gettin' colder, don't it?'

`It's enough to freeze the ears orf a brass monkey!' remarked Easton
as he descended from a ladder close by and, placing his pot of paint
on the pound, began to try to warm his hands by rubbing and beating
them together.

He was trembling, and his teeth were chattering with cold.

`I could just do with a nice pint of beer, now,' he said as he stamped
his feet on the pound.

`That's just what I was thinkin',' said Philpot, wistfully, 'and
what's more, I mean to 'ave one, too, at dinner-time.  I shall nip
down to the "Cricketers".  Even if I don't get back till a few minutes
after one, it won't matter, because Crass and Nimrod will be gorn to
the funeral.'

`Will you bring me a pint back with you, in a bottle?' asked Easton.

`Yes, certainly,' said Philpot.

Harlow said nothing.  He also would have liked a pint of beer, but, as
was usual with him, he had not the necessary cash.  Having restored
the circulation to a certain extent, they now resumed their work, and
only just in time, for a few minutes afterwards they observed Misery
peeping round the corner of the house at them and they wondered how
long he had been there, and whether he had overheard their

At twelve o'clock Crass and Slyme cleared off in a great hurry, and a
little while afterwards, Philpot took off his apron and put on his
coat to go to the `Cricketers'.  When the others found out where he
was going, several of them asked him to bring back a drink for them,
and then someone suggested that all those who wanted some beer should
give twopence each.  This was done: one shilling and fourpence was
collected and given to Philpot, who was to bring back a gallon of beer
in a jar.  He promised to get back as soon as ever he could, and some
of the shareholders decided not to drink any tea with their dinners,
but to wait for the beer, although they knew that it would be nearly
time to resume work before he could get back.  It would be a quarter
to one at the very earliest.

The minutes dragged slowly by, and after a while the only man on the
job who had a watch began to lose his temper and refused to answer any
more inquiries concerning the time.  So presently Bert was sent up to
the top of the house to look at a church clock which was visible
therefrom, and when he came down he reported that it was ten minutes
to one.

Symptoms of anxiety now began to manifest themselves amongst the
shareholders, several of whom went down to the main road to see if
Philpot was yet in sight, but each returned with the same report -
they could see nothing of him.

No one was formally `in charge' of the job during Crass's absence, but
they all returned to their work promptly at one because they feared
that Sawkins or some other sneak might report any irregularity to
Crass or Misery.

At a quarter-past one, Philpot was still missing and the uneasiness of
the shareholders began to develop into a panic.  Some of them plainly
expressed the opinion that he had gone on the razzle with the money.
As the time wore on, this became the general opinion.  At two o'clock,
all hope of his return having been abandoned, two or three of the
shareholders went and drank some of the cold tea.

Their fears were only too well founded, for they saw no more of
Philpot till the next morning, when he arrived looking very sheepish
and repentant and promised to refund all the money on Saturday.  He
also made a long, rambling statement from which it appeared that on
his way to the `Cricketers' he met a couple of chaps whom he knew who
were out of work, and he invited them to come and have a drink.  When
they got to the pub, they found there the Semi-drunk and the Besotted
Wretch.  One drink led to another, and then they started arguing, and
he had forgotten all about the gallon of beer until he woke up this

Whilst Philpot was making this explanation they were putting on their
aprons and blouses, and Crass was serving out the lots of colour.
Slyme took no part in the conversation, but got ready as quickly as
possible and went outside to make a start.  The reason for this haste
soon became apparent to some of the others, for they noticed that he
had selected and commenced painting a large window that was so
situated as to be sheltered from the keen wind that was blowing.

The basement of the house was slightly below the level of the ground
and there was a sort of a trench or area about three feet deep in
front of the basement windows.  The banks of this trench were covered
with rose trees and evergreens, and the bottom was a mass of slimy,
evil-smelling, rain-sodden earth, foul with the excrement of nocturnal
animals.  To second-coat these basement windows, Philpot and Harlow
had to get down into and stand in all this filth, which soaked through
the worn and broken soles of their boots.  As they worked, the thorns
of the rose trees caught and tore their clothing and lacerated the
flesh of their half-frozen hands.

Owen and Easton were working on ladders doing the windows immediately
above Philpot and Harlow, Sawkins, on another ladder, was painting one
of the gables, and the other men were working at different parts of
the outside of the house.  The boy Bert was painting the iron railings
of the front fence.  The weather was bitterly cold, the sun was
concealed by the dreary expanse of grey cloud that covered the wintry

As they stood there working most of the time they were almost
perfectly motionless, the only part of their bodies that were
exercised being their right arms.  The work they were now doing
required to be done very carefully and deliberately, otherwise the
glass would be `messed up' or the white paint of the frames would `run
into' the dark green of the sashes, both colours being wet at the same
time, each man having two pots of paint and two sets of brushes.  The
wind was not blowing in sudden gusts, but swept by in a strong,
persistent current that penetrated their clothing and left them
trembling and numb with cold.  It blew from the right; and it was all
the worse on that account, because the right arm, being in use, left
that side of the body fully exposed.  They were able to keep their
left hands in their trousers pockets and the left arm close to the
side most of the time.  This made a lot of difference.

Another reason why it is worse when the wind strikes upon one from the
right side is that the buttons on a man's coat are always on the right
side, and consequently the wind gets underneath.  Philpot realized
this all the more because some of the buttons on his coat and
waistcoat were missing.

As they worked on, trembling with cold, and with their teeth
chattering, their faces and hands became of that pale violet colour
generally seen on the lips of a corpse.  Their eyes became full of
water and the lids were red and inflamed.  Philpot's and Harlow's
boots were soon wet through, with the water they absorbed from the
damp ground, and their feet were sore and intensely painful with cold.

Their hands, of course, suffered the most, becoming so numbed that
they were unable to feel the brushes they held; in fact, presently, as
Philpot was taking a dip of colour, the brush fell from his hand into
the pot; and then, finding that he was unable to move his fingers, he
put his hand into his trousers pocket to thaw, and began to walk
about, stamping his feet upon the ground.  His example was quickly
followed by Owen, Easton and Harlow, and they all went round the
corner to the sheltered side of the house where Slyme was working, and
began walking up and down, rubbing their hands, stamping their feet
and swinging their arms to warm themselves.

`If I thought Nimrod wasn't comin', I'd put my overcoat on and work in
it,' remarked Philpot, 'but you never knows when to expect the b--r,
and if 'e saw me in it, it would mean the bloody push.'

`It wouldn't interfere with our workin' if we did wear 'em,' said
Easton; `in fact, we'd be able to work all the quicker if we wasn't so

`Even if Misery didn't come, I suppose Crass would 'ave something to
say if we did put 'em on,' continued Philpot.

`Well, yer couldn't blame 'im if 'e did say something, could yer?'
said Slyme, offensively.  `Crass would get into a row 'imself if
'Unter came and saw us workin' in overcoats.  It would look ridiclus.'

Slyme suffered less from the cold than any of them, not only because
he had secured the most sheltered window, but also because he was
better clothed than most of the rest.

`What's Crass supposed to be doin' inside?' asked Easton as he tramped
up and down, with his shoulders hunched up and his hands thrust deep
into the pockets of his trousers.

`Blowed if I know,' replied Philpot.  `Messin' about touchin' up or
makin' colour.  He never does 'is share of a job like this; 'e knows
'ow to work things all right for 'isself.'

`What if 'e does?  We'd be the same if we was in 'is place, and so
would anybody else,' said Slyme, and added sarcastically: `Or p'haps
you'd give all the soft jobs to other people and do all the rough

Slyme knew that, although they were speaking of Crass, they were also
alluding to himself, and as he replied to Philpot he looked slyly at
Owen, who had so far taken no part in the conversation.

`It's not a question of what we would do,' chimed in Harlow.  `It's a
question of what's fair.  If it's not fair for Crass to pick all the
soft jobs for 'imself and leave all the rough for others, the fact
that we might do the same if we 'ad the chance don't make it right.'

`No one can be blamed for doing the best he can for himself under
existing circumstances,' said Owen in reply to Slyme's questioning
look.  That is the principle of the present system - every man for
himself and the devil take the rest.  For my own part I don't pretend
to practise unselfishness.  I don't pretend to guide my actions by the
rules laid down in the Sermon on the Mount.  But it's certainly
surprising to hear you who profess to be a follower of Christ -
advocating selfishness.  Or, rather, it would be surprising if it were
not that the name of "Christian" has ceased to signify one who follows
Christ, and has come to mean only liar and hypocrite.'

Slyme made no answer.  Possibly the fact that he was a true believer
enabled him to bear this insult with meekness and humility.

`I wonder what time it is?' interposed Philpot.

Slyme looked at his watch.  It was nearly ten o'clock.

`Jesus Christ!  Is that all?' growled Easton as they returned to work.
`Two hours more before dinner!'

Only two more hours, but to these miserable, half-starved, ill-clad
wretches, standing here in the bitter wind that pierced their clothing
and seemed to be tearing at their very hearts and lungs with icy
fingers, it appeared like an eternity.  To judge by the eagerness with
which they longed for dinner-time, one might have thought they had
some glorious banquet to look forward to instead of bread and cheese
and onions, or bloaters - and stewed tea.

Two more hours of torture before dinner; and three more hours after
that.  And then, thank God, it would be too dark to see to work any

It would have been much better for them if, instead of being
`Freemen', they had been slaves, and the property, instead of the
hirelings, of Mr Rushton.  As it was, HE would not have cared if one
or all of them had become ill or died from the effects of exposure.
It would have made no difference to him.  There were plenty of others
out of work and on the verge of starvation who would be very glad to
take their places.  But if they had been Rushton's property, such work
as this would have been deferred until it could be done without danger
to the health and lives of the slaves; or at any rate, even if it were
proceeded with during such weather, their owner would have seen to it
that they were properly clothed and fed; he would have taken as much
care of them as he would of his horse.

People always take great care of their horses.  If they were to
overwork a horse and make it ill, it would cost something for medicine
and the veterinary surgeon, to say nothing of the animal's board and
lodging.  If they were to work their horses to death, they would have
to buy others.  But none of these considerations applies to workmen.
If they work a man to death they can get another for nothing at the
corner of the next street.  They don't have to buy him; all they have
to do is to give him enough money to provide him with food and
clothing - of a kind - while he is working for them.  If they only
make him ill, they will not have to feed him or provide him with
medical care while he is laid up.  He will either go without these
things or pay for them himself.  At the same time it must be admitted
that the workman scores over both the horse and the slave, inasmuch as
he enjoys the priceless blessing of Freedom.  If he does not like the
hirer's conditions he need not accept them.  He can refuse to work,
and he can go and starve.  There are no ropes on him.  He is a Free
man.  He is the Heir of all the Ages.  He enjoys perfect Liberty.  He
has the right to choose freely which he will do - Submit or Starve.
Eat dirt or eat nothing.

The wind blew colder and colder.  The sky, which at first had shown
small patches of blue through rifts in the masses of clouds, had now
become uniformly grey.  There was every indication of an impending
fall of snow.

The men perceived this with conflicting feelings.  If it did commence
to snow, they would not be able to continue this work, and therefore
they found themselves involuntarily wishing that it would snow, or
rain, or hail, or anything that would stop the work.  But on the other
hand, if the weather prevented them getting on with the outside, some
of them would have to `stand off', because the inside was practically
finished.  None of them wished to lose any time if they could possibly
help it, because there were only ten days more before Christmas.

The morning slowly wore away and the snow did not fall.  The hands
worked on in silence, for they were in no mood for talking, and not
only that, but they were afraid that Hunter or Rushton or Crass might
be watching them from behind some bush or tree, or through some of the
windows.  This dread possessed them to such an extent that most of
them were almost afraid even to look round, and kept steadily on at
work.  None of them wished to spoil his chance of being kept on to
help to do the other house that it was reported Rushton & Co. were
going to `do up' for Mr Sweater.

Twelve o'clock came at last, and Crass's whistle had scarcely ceased
to sound before they all assembled in the kitchen before the roaring
fire.  Sweater had sent in two tons of coal and had given orders that
fires were to be lit every day in nearly every room to make the house
habitable by Christmas.

`I wonder if it's true as the firm's got another job to do for old
Sweater?' remarked Harlow as he was toasting a bloater on the end of
the pointed stick.

`True? No!' said the man on the pail scornfully.  `It's all bogy.  You
know that empty 'ouse as they said Sweater 'ad bought - the one that
Rushton and Nimrod was seen lookin' at?'

`Yes,' replied Harlow.  The other men listened with evident interest.
`Well, they wasn't pricing it up after all! T he landlord of that
'ouse is abroad, and there was some plants in the garden as Rushton
thought 'e'd like, and 'e was tellin' Misery which ones 'e wanted.
And afterwards old Pontius Pilate came up with Ned Dawson and a truck.
They made two or three journeys and took bloody near everything in the
garden as was worth takin'.  What didn't go to Rushton's place went to

The disappointment of their hopes for another job was almost forgotten
in their interest in this story.

`Who told you about it?' said Harlow.

`Ned Dawson 'imself.  It's right enough what I say. Ask 'im.'

Ned Dawson, usually called `Bundy's mate', had been away from the
house for a few days down at the yard doing odd jobs, and had only
come back to the `Cave' that morning.  On being appealed to, he
corroborated Dick Wantley's statement.

`They'll be gettin' theirselves into trouble if they ain't careful,'
remarked Easton.

`Oh, no they won't, Rushton's too artful for that.  It seems the agent
is a pal of 'is, and they worked it between 'em.'

`Wot a bloody cheek, though!' exclaimed Harlow.

`Oh, that's nothing to some of the things I've known 'em do before
now,' said the man on the pail.  `Why, don't you remember, back in the
summer, that carved hoak hall table as Rushton pinched out of that
'ouse on Grand Parade?'

`Yes; that was a bit of all right too, wasn't it?' cried Philpot, and
several of the others laughed.

`You know, that big 'ouse we did up last summer - No. 596,' Wantley
continued, for the benefit of those not `in the know'.  `Well, it 'ad
bin empty for a long time and we found this 'ere table in a cupboard
under the stairs.  A bloody fine table it was too.  One of them
bracket tables what you fix to the wall, without no legs.  It 'ad a
'arf-round marble top to it, and underneath was a carved hoak figger,
a mermaid, with 'er arms up over 'er 'ead 'oldin' up the table top -
something splendid!'  The man on the pail waxed enthusiastic as he
thought of it.  `Must 'ave been worth at least five quid.  Well, just
as we pulled this 'ere table out, who should come in but Rushton, and
when 'e seen it, 'e tells Crass to cover it over with a sack and not
to let nobody see it.  And then 'e clears orf to the shop and sends
the boy down with the truck and 'as it took up to 'is own 'ouse, and
it's there now, fixed in the front 'all.  I was sent up there a couple
of months ago to paint and varnish the lobby doors and I seen it
meself.  There's a pitcher called "The Day of Judgement" 'angin' on
the wall just over it - thunder and lightning and earthquakes and
corpses gettin' up out o' their graves - something bloody 'orrible!
And underneath the picture is a card with a tex out of the Bible -
"Christ is the 'ead of this 'ouse: the unknown guest at every meal.
The silent listener to every conversation."  I was workin' there for
three or four days and I got to know it orf by 'eart.'

`Well, that takes the biskit, don't it?' said Philpot.

`Yes: but the best of it was,' the man on the pail proceeded, `the
best of it was, when ole Misery 'eard about the table, 'e was so
bloody wild because 'e didn't get it 'imself that 'e went upstairs and
pinched one of the venetian blinds and 'ad it took up to 'is own 'ouse
by the boy, and a few days arterwards one of the carpenters 'ad to go
and fix it up in 'is bedroom.'

`And wasn't it never found out?' inquired Easton.

`Well, there was a bit of talk about it.  The agent wanted to know
where it was, but Pontius Pilate swore black and white as there 'adn't
been no blind in that room, and the end of it was that the firm got
the order to supply a new one.'

`What I can't understand is, who did the table belong to?' said

`It was a fixture belongin' to the 'ouse,' replied Wantley.  `But I
suppose the former tenants had some piece of furniture of their own
that they wanted to put in the 'all where this table was fixed, so
they took it down and stored it away in this 'ere cupboard, and when
they left the 'ouse I suppose they didn't trouble to put it back
again.  Anyway, there was the mark on the wall where it used to be
fixed, but when we did the staircase down, the place was papered over,
and I suppose the landlord or the agent never give the table a
thought.  Anyhow, Rushton got away with it all right.'

A number of similar stories were related by several others concerning
the doings of different employers they had worked for, but after a
time the conversation reverted to the subject that was uppermost in
their thoughts - the impending slaughter, and the improbability of
being able to obtain another job, considering the large number of men
who were already out of employment.

`I can't make it out, myself,' remarked Easton.  `Things seems to get
worse every year.  There don't seem to be 'arf the work about that
there used to be, and even what there is is messed up anyhow, as if
the people who 'as it done can't afford to pay for it.'

`Yes,' said Harlow; `that's true enough.  Why, just look at the work
that's in one o' them 'ouses on the Grand Parade.  People must 'ave
'ad more money to spend in those days, you know; all those massive
curtain cornishes over the drawing- and dining-room winders - gilded
solid!  Why, nowadays they'd want all the bloody 'ouse done down right
through - inside and out, for the money it cost to gild one of them.'

`It seems that nearly everybody is more or less 'ard up nowadays,'
said Philpot.  `I'm jiggered if I can understand it, but there it is.'

`You should ast Owen to explain it to yer,' remarked Crass with a
jeering laugh.  `'E knows all about wot's the cause of poverty, but 'e
won't tell nobody.  'E's been GOIN' to tell us wot it is for a long
time past, but it don't seem to come orf.'

Crass had not yet had an opportunity of producing the Obscurer
cutting, and he made this remark in the hope of turning the
conversation into a channel that would enable him to do so.  But Owen
did not respond, and went on reading his newspaper.

`We ain't 'ad no lectures at all lately, 'ave we?' said Harlow in an
injured tone.  `I think it's about time Owen explained what the real
cause of poverty is.  I'm beginning to get anxious about it.'

The others laughed.

When Philpot had finished eating his dinner he went out of the kitchen
and presently returned with a small pair of steps, which he opened and
placed in a corner of the room, with the back of the steps facing the

`There you are, me son!' he exclaimed to Owen.  `There's a pulpit for

`Yes! come on 'ere!' cried Crass, feeling in his waistcoat pocket for
the cutting.  `Tell us wot's the real cause of poverty.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' shouted the man on the pail.  `Git up into the bloody
pulpit and give us a sermon.'

As Owen made no response to the invitations, the crowd began to hoot
and groan.

`Come on, man,' whispered Philpot, winking his goggle eye persuasively
at Owen.  `Come on, just for a bit of turn, to pass the time away.'

Owen accordingly ascended the steps - much to the secret delight of
Crass - and was immediately greeted with a round of enthusiastic

`There you are, you see,' said Philpot, addressing the meeting.  `It's
no use booin' and threatenin', because 'e's one of them lecturers wot
can honly be managed with kindness.  If it 'adn't a bin for me, 'e
wouldn't 'ave agreed to speak at all.'

Philpot having been unanimously elected chairman, proposed by Harlow
and seconded by the man on the pail, Owen commenced:

`Mr Chairman and gentlemen:

`Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, it is with some degree of
hesitation that I venture to address myself to such a large,
distinguished, fashionable, and intelligent looking audience as that
which I have the honour of seeing before me on the present occasion.'

`One of the finest speakers I've ever 'eard!' remarked the man on the
pail in a loud whisper to the chairman, who motioned him to be silent.

Owen continued:

`In some of my previous lectures I have endeavoured to convince you
that money is in itself of no value and of no real use whatever.  In
this I am afraid I have been rather unsuccessful.'

`Not a bit of it, mate,' cried Crass, sarcastically.  `We all agrees
with it.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' shouted Easton.  `If a bloke was to come in 'ere now and
orfer to give me a quid - I'd refuse it!'

`So would I,' said Philpot.

`Well, whether you agree or not, the fact remains.  A man might
possess so much money that, in England, he would be comparatively
rich, and yet if he went to some country where the cost of living is
very high he would find himself in a condition of poverty.  Or one
might conceivably be in a place where the necessaries of life could
not be bought for money at all.  Therefore it is more conducive to an
intelligent understanding of the subject if we say that to be rich
consists not necessarily in having much money, but in being able to
enjoy an abundance of the things that are made by work; and that
poverty consists not merely in being without money, but in being short
of the necessaries and comforts of life - or in other words in being
short of the Benefits of Civilization, the things that are all,
without exception, produced by work.  Whether you agree or not with
anything else that I say, you will all admit that that is our
condition at the present time.  We do not enjoy a full share of the
benefits of civilization - we are all in a state of more or less
abject poverty.'

`Question!' cried Crass, and there were loud murmurs of indignant
dissent from several quarters as Owen proceeded:

`How does it happen that we are so short of the things that are made
by work?'

`The reason why we're short of the things that's made by work,'
interrupted Crass, mimicking Owen's manner, `is that we ain't got the
bloody money to buy 'em.'

`Yes,' said the man on the pail; `and as I said before, if all the
money in the country was shared out equal today according to Owen's
ideas - in six months' time it would be all back again in the same
'ands as it is now, and what are you goin' to do then?'

`Share again, of course.'

This answer came derisively from several places at the same instant,
and then they all began speaking at once, vying with each other in
ridiculing the foolishness of `them there Socialists', whom they
called `The Sharers Out'.

Barrington was almost the only one who took no part in the
conversation.  He was seated in his customary place and, as usual,
silently smoking, apparently oblivious to his surroundings.

`I never said anything about "sharing out all the money",' said Owen
during a lull in the storm, `and I don't know of any Socialist who
advocates anything of the kind.  Can any of you tell me the name of
someone who proposes to do so?'

No one answered, as Owen repeated his inquiry, this time addressing
himself directly to Crass, who had been one of the loudest in
denouncing and ridiculing the `Sharers Out'.  Thus cornered, Crass -
who knew absolutely nothing about the subject - for a few moments
looked rather foolish.  Then he began to talk in a very loud voice:

`Why, it's a well-known fact.  Everybody knows that's what they wants.
But they take bloody good care they don't act up to it theirselves,
though.  Look at them there Labour members of Parliament - a lot of
b--rs what's too bloody lazy to work for their livin'!  What the
bloody 'ell was they before they got there?  Only workin' men, the
same as you and me!  But they've got the gift o' the gab and -'

`Yes, we know all about that,' said Owen, `but what I'm asking you is
to tell us who advocates taking all the money in the country and
sharing it out equally?'

`And I say that everybody knows that's what they're after!' shouted
Crass.  `And you know it as well as I do.  A fine thing!' he added
indignantly.  `Accordin' to that idear, a bloody scavenger or a farm
labourer ought to get as much wages as you or me!'

`We can talk about that some other time.  What I want to know at
present is - what authority have you for saying that Socialists
believe in sharing out all the money equally amongst all the people?'

`Well, that's what I've always understood they believed in doing,'
said Crass rather lamely.

`It's a well-known fact,' said several others.

`Come to think of it,' continued Crass as he drew the Obscurer cutting
from his waistcoat pocket, `I've got a little thing 'ere that I've
been goin' to read to yer.  It's out of the Obscurer.  I'd forgotten
all about it.'

Remarking that the print was too small for his own eyes, he passed the
slip of paper to Harlow, who read aloud as follows:


    `I wish I could open your eyes to the true misery of our
    condition: injustice, tyranny and oppression!' said a discontented
    hack to a weary-looking cob as they stood side by side in unhired

    `I'd rather have them opened to something pleasant, thank you,'
    replied the cob.

    `I am sorry for you.  If you could enter into the noble
    aspirations -' the hack began.

    `Talk plain.  What would you have?' said the cob, interrupting

    `What would I have?  Why, equality, and share and share alike all
    over the world,' said the hack.

    `You MEAN that?' said the cob.

    `Of course I do. What right have those sleek, pampered hunters and
    racers to their warm stables and high feed, their grooms and
    jockeys?  It is really heart-sickening to think of it,' replied
    the hack.

    `I don't know but you may be right,' said the cob, `and to show
    I'm in earnest, as no doubt you are, let me have half the good
    beans you have in your bag, and you shall have half the musty oats
    and chaff I have in mine.  There's nothing like proving one's
                                   Original Parables.  By Mrs Prosier.

`There you are!' cried several voices.

`What does that mean?' cried Crass, triumphantly.  `Why don't you go
and share your wages with the chaps what's out of work?'

`What does it mean?' replied Owen contemptuously.  `It means that if
the Editor of the Obscurer put that in his paper as an argument
against Socialism, either he is of feeble intellect himself or else he
thinks that the majority of his readers are.  That isn't an argument
against Socialism - it's an argument against the hypocrites who
pretend to be Christians - the people who profess to "Love their
neighbours as themselves" - who pretend to believe in Universal
Brotherhood, and that they do not love the world or the things of the
world and say that they are merely "Pilgrims on their way to a better
land".  As for why I don't do it - why should I?  I don't pretend to
be a Christian.  But you're all "Christians" - why don't you do it?'

`We're not talkin' about religion,' exclaimed Crass, impatiently.

`Then what are you talking about?  I never said anything about
"Sharing Out" or "Bearing one another's burdens".  I don't profess to
"Give to everyone who asks of me" or to "Give my cloak to the man who
take away my coat".  I have read that Christ taught that His followers
must do all these things, but as I do not pretend to be one of His
followers I don't do them.  But you believe in Christianity: why don't
you do the things that He said?'

As nobody seemed to know the answer to this question, the lecturer

`In this matter the difference between so-called "Christians" and
Socialists is this: Christ taught the Fatherhood of God and the
Brotherhood of Men.  Those who today pretend to be Christ's followers
hypocritically profess to carry out those teachings now.  But they
don't . They have arranged "The Battle of Life" system instead!

`The Socialist - very much against his will - finds himself in the
midst of this horrible battle, and he appeals to the other combatants
to cease from fighting and to establish a system of Brotherly Love and
Mutual Helpfulness, but he does not hypocritically pretend to practise
brotherly love towards those who will not agree to his appeal, and who
compel him to fight with them for his very life.  He knows that in
this battle he must either fight or go under.  Therefore, in
self-defiance, he fights; but all the time he continues his appeal for
the cessation of the slaughter.  He pleads for the changing system. He
advocates Co-operation instead of Competition: but how can he
co-operate with people who insist on competing with him?  No
individual can practise co-operation by himself!  Socialism can only
be practised by the Community - that is the meaning of the word.  At
present, the other members of the community - the "Christians" -
deride and oppose the Socialist's appeal.

`It is these pretended Christians who do not practise what they
preach, because, all the time they are singing their songs of
Brotherhood and Love, they are fighting with each other, and
strangling each other and trampling each other underfoot in their
horrible "Battle of Life"!

`No Socialist suggests "Sharing out" money or anything else in the
manner you say.  And another thing: if you only had a little more
sense you might be able to perceive that this stock "argument" of
yours is really an argument against the present system, inasmuch as it
proves that Money is in itself of no use whatever.  Supposing all the
money was shared out equally; and suppose there was enough of it for
everyone to have ten thousand pounds; and suppose they then all
thought they were rich and none of them would work.  What would they
live on?  Their money?  Could they eat it or drink it or wear it?  It
wouldn't take them very long to find out that this wonderful money -
which under the present system is the most powerful thing in existence -
is really of no more use than so much dirt.  They would speedily
perish, not from lack of money, but from lack of wealth - that is,
from lack of things that are made by work.  And further, it is quite
true that if all the money were distributed equally amongst all the
people tomorrow, it would all be up in heaps again in a very short
time.  But that only proves that while the present Money System
remains, it will be impossible to do away with poverty, for heaps in
some places mean little or nothing in other places.  Therefore while
the money system lasts we are bound to have poverty and all the evils
it brings in its train.'

`Oh, of course everybody's an idjit except you,' sneered Crass, who
was beginning to feel rather fogged.

`I rise to a pint of order,' said Easton.

`And I rise to order a pint,' cried Philpot.

`Order what the bloody 'ell you like,' remarked Harlow, `so long as I
'aven't got to pay for it.'

`Mine's a pint of porter,' observed the man on the pail.

`The pint is,' proceeded Easton, `when does the lecturer intend to
explain to us what is the real cause of poverty.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' cried Harlow.  `That's what I want to know, too.'

`And what I should like to know is, who is supposed to be givin' this
'ere lecture?' inquired the man on the pail.

`Why, Owen, of course,' replied Harlow.

`Well, why don't you try to keep quiet for a few minutes and let 'im
get on with it?'

`The next B--r wot interrupts,' cried Philpot, rolling up his
shirt-sleeves and glaring threateningly round upon the meeting.  `The
next b--r wot interrupts goes out through the bloody winder!'

At this, everybody pretended to be very frightened, and edged away as
far as possible from Philpot.  Easton, who was sitting next to him,
got up and crossed over to Owen's vacant seat.  The man on the pail
was the only one who did not seem nervous; perhaps he felt safer
because he was, as usual, surrounded by a moat.

`Poverty,' resumed the lecturer, consists in a shortage of the
necessaries of life - or rather, of the benefits of civilization.'

`You've said that about a 'undred times before,' snarled Crass.

`I know I have; and I have no doubt I shall have to say it about five
hundred times more before you understand what it means.'

`Get on with the bloody lecture,' shouted the man on the pail.  `Never
mind arguin' the point.'

`Well, keep horder, can't you?' cried Philpot, fiercely, `and give the
man a chance.'

`All these things are produced in the same way,' proceeded Owen.
`They are made from the Raw materials by those who work - aided by
machinery.  When we inquire into the cause of the present shortage of
these things, the first question we should ask is - Are there not
sufficient of the raw materials in existence to enable us to produce
enough to satisfy the needs of all?

`The answer to this question is - There are undoubtedly more than
sufficient of all the raw materials.

`Insufficiency of raw material is therefore not the cause.  We must
look in another direction.

`The next question is - Are we short of labour?  Is there not a
sufficient number of people able and willing to work?  Or is there not
enough machinery?

`The answers to these questions are - There are plenty of people able
and willing to work, and there is plenty of machinery!

`These things being so, how comes this extraordinary result?  How is
it that the benefits of civilization are not produced in sufficient
quantity to satisfy the needs of all?  How is it that the majority of
the people always have to go without most of the refinements,
comforts, and pleasures of life, and very often without even the bare
necessaries of existence?

`Plenty of materials - Plenty of Labour - Plenty of Machinery - and,
nearly everybody going short of nearly everything!

`The cause of this extraordinary state of affairs is that although we
possess the means of producing more than abundance for all, we also
have an imbecile system of managing our affairs.

`The present Money System prevents us from doing the necessary work,
and consequently causes the majority of the population to go short of
the things that can be made by work.  They suffer want in the midst of
the means of producing abundance.  They remain idle because they are
bound and fettered with a chain of gold.

`Let us examine the details of this insane, idiotic, imbecile system.'

Owen now asked Philpot to pass him a piece of charred wood from under
the grate, and having obtained what he wanted, he drew upon the wall a
quadrangular figure about four feet in length and one foot deep.  The
walls of the kitchen had not yet been cleaned off, so it did not
matter about disfiguring them.

  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  | This represents the whole of the adult population of the country |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |
  |                                                                  |

`To find out the cause of the shortage in this country of the things
that can be made by work it is first of all necessary to find out how
people spend their time.  Now this square represents the whole of the
adult population of this country.  There are many different classes of
people, engaged in a great number of different occupations.  Some of
them are helping to produce the benefits of civilization, and some are
not.  All these people help to consume these things, but when we
inquire into their occupations we shall find that although the
majority are workers, only a comparatively small number are engaged in
actually producing either the benefits of civilization or the
necessaries of life.' ...

Order being once more restored, the lecturer turned again to the
drawing on the wall and stretched out his hand, evidently with the
intention of making some addition to it, but instead of doing so lie
paused irresolutely, and faltering, let his arm drop down again by his

An absolute, disconcerting silence reigned.  His embarrassment and
nervousness increased.  He knew that they were unwilling to hear or
talk or think about such subjects as the cause of poverty at all.
They preferred to make fun of and ridicule them.  He knew they would
refuse to try to see the meaning of what he wished to say if it were
at all difficult or obscure.  How was he to put it to them so that
they would HAVE to understand it whether they wished to or not.  It
was almost impossible.

It would be easy enough to convince them if they would only take a
LITTLE trouble and try to understand, but he knew that they certainly
would not `worry' themselves about such a subject as this; it was not
as if it were some really important matter, such as a smutty story, a
game of hooks and rings or shove-ha'penny, something concerning
football or cricket, horse-racing or the doings of some Royal
personage or aristocrat.

The problem of the cause of poverty was only something that concerned
their own and their children's future welfare.  Such an unimportant
matter, being undeserving of any earnest attention, must be put before
them so clearly and plainly that they would be compelled to understand
it at a glance; and it was almost impossible to do it.

Observing his hesitation, some of the men began to snigger.  `'E seems
to 'ave got 'isself into a bit of a fog,' remarked Crass in a loud
whisper to Slyme, who laughed.

The sound roused Owen, who resumed:

`All these people help to consume the things produced by labour.  We
will now divide them into separate classes.  Those who help to
produce; those who do nothing, those who do harm, and those who are
engaged in unnecessary work.'

`And,' sneered Crass, `those who are engaged in unnecessary talk.'

`First we will separate those who not only do nothing, but do not even
pretend to be of any use; people who would consider themselves
disgraced if they by any chance did any useful work.  This class
includes tramps, beggars, the "Aristocracy", "Society" people, great
landowners, and generally all those possessed of hereditary wealth.'

As he spoke he drew a vertical line across one end of the oblong.

  | Tramps     |                                                     |
  | Beggars    |                                                     |
  | Society    |                                                     |
  | People     |                                                     |
  | Aristoc-   |                                                     |
  | racy       |                                                     |
  | Great      |                                                     |
  | Landowners |                                                     |
  | All those  |                                                     |
  | possessed  |                                                     |
  | of         |                                                     |
  | hereditary |                                                     |
  | wealth     |                                                     |

`These people do absolutely nothing except devour or enjoy the things
produced by the labours of others.

`Our next division represents those who do work of a kind - "mental"
work if you like to call it so - work that benefits themselves and
harms other people.  Employers - or rather Exploiters of Labour;
Thieves, Swindlers, Pickpockets; profit seeking share-holders;
burglars; Bishops; Financiers; Capitalists, and those persons
humorously called "Ministers" of religion.  If you remember that the
word "minister" means "servant" you will be able to see the joke.

        1             2
  | Tramps     | Exploiters  |                                       |
  | Beggars    | of Labour   |                                       |
  | Society    | Thieves     |                                       |
  | People     | Swindlers   |                                       |
  | Aristoc-   | Pickpockets |                                       |
  | racy       | Burglars    |                                       |
  | Great      | Bishops     |                                       |
  | Landowners | Financiers  |                                       |
  | All those  | Capitalists |                                       |
  | possessed  | Share-      |                                       |
  | of         | holders     |                                       |
  | hereditary | Ministers   |                                       |
  | wealth     | of religion |                                       |

`None of these people produce anything themselves, but by means of
cunning and scheming they contrive between them to obtain possession
of a very large portion of the things produced by the labour of others.

`Number three stands for those who work for wages or salaries, doing
unnecessary work.  That is, producing things or doing things which -
though useful and necessary to the Imbecile System - cannot be
described as the necessaries of life or the benefits of civilization.
This is the largest section of all.  It comprises Commercial
Travellers, Canvassers, Insurance agents, commission agents, the great
number of Shop Assistants, the majority of clerks, workmen employed in
the construction and adornment of business premises, people occupied
with what they call "Business", which means being very busy without
producing anything.  Then there is a vast army of people engaged in
designing, composing, painting or printing advertisements, things
which are for the most part of no utility whatever, the object of most
advertisements is merely to persuade people to buy from one firm
rather than from another.  If you want some butter it doesn't matter
whether you buy it from Brown or Jones or Robinson.'

        1             2             3
  | Tramps     | Exploiters  | All those   |                         |
  | Beggars    | of Labour   | engaged in  |                         |
  | Society    | Thieves     | unnecessary |                         |
  | People     | Swindlers   | work        |                         |
  | Aristoc-   | Pickpockets |             |                         |
  | racy       | Burglars    |             |                         |
  | Great      | Bishops     |             |                         |
  | Landowners | Financiers  |             |                         |
  | All those  | Capitalists |             |                         |
  | possessed  | Share-      |             |                         |
  | of         | holders     |             |                         |
  | hereditary | Ministers   |             |                         |
  | wealth     | of religion |             |                         |

During the delivery of this pert of the lecture, the audience began to
manifest symptoms of impatience and dissent.  Perceiving this, Owen,
speaking very rapidly, continued:

`If you go down town, you will see half a dozen drapers' shops within
a stone's-throw of each other - often even next door to each other -
all selling the same things.  You can't possibly think that all those
shops are really necessary?  You know that one of them would serve the
purpose for which they are all intended - to store and serve as a
centre for the distribution of the things that are made by work.  If
you will admit that five out of the six shops are not really
necessary, you must also admit that the men who built them, and the
salesmen and women or other assistants engaged in them, and the men
who design and write and print their advertisements are all doing
unnecessary work; all really wasting their time and labour, time and
labour that might be employed in helping to produce these things that
we are at present short of.  You must admit that none of these people
are engaged in producing either the necessaries of life or the
benefits of civilization.  They buy them, and sell them, and handle
them, and haggle over, them, and display them, in the plate glass
windows of "Stores" and "Emporiums" and make profit out of them, and
use them, but these people themselves produce nothing that is
necessary to life or happiness, and the things that some of them do
produce are only necessary to the present imbecile system.'

`What the 'ell sort of a bloody system do you think we ought to 'ave,
then?' interrupted the man on the pail.

`Yes: you're very good at finding fault,' sneered Slyme, `but why
don't you tell us 'ow it's all going to be put right?'

`Well, that's not what we're talking about now, is it?' replied Owen.
`At present we're only trying to find out how it is that there is not
sufficient produced for everyone to have enough of the things that are
made by work.  Although most of the people in number three work very
hard, they produce Nothing.'

`This is a lot of bloody rot!' exclaimed Crass, impatiently.

`Even if there is more shops than what's actually necessary,' cried
Harlow, `it all helps people to get a livin'!  If half of 'em was shut
up, it would just mean that all them what works there would be out of
a job.  Live and let live, I say: all these things makes work.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' shouted the man behind the moat.

`Yes, I know it makes "work",' replied Owen, `but we can't live on
mere "work", you know.  To live in comfort we need a sufficiency of
the things that can be made by work.  A man might work very hard and
yet be wasting his time if he were not producing something necessary
or useful.

`Why are there so many shops and stores and emporiums?  Do you imagine
they exist for the purpose of giving those who build them, or work in
them, a chance to earn a living? Nothing of the sort.  They are
carried on, and exorbitant prices are charged for the articles they
sell, to enable the proprietors to amass fortunes, and to pay
extortionate rents to the landlords.  That is why the wages and
salaries of nearly all those who do the work created by these
businesses are cut down to the lowest possible point.'

`We knows all about that,' said Crass, `but you can't get away from it
that all these things makes Work; and that's what we wants - Plenty of

Cries of `'Ear, 'ear,' and expressions of dissent from the views
expressed by the lecturer resounded through the room, nearly everyone
speaking at the same time.  After a while, when the row had in some
measure subsided, Owen resumed:

`Nature has not provided ready-made all the things necessary for the
life and happiness of mankind.  In order to obtain these things we
have to Work.  The only rational labour is that which is directed to
the creation of those things.  Any kind of work which does not help us
to attain this object is a ridiculous, idiotic, criminal, imbecile,
waste of time.

`That is what the great army of people represented by division number
three are doing at present: they are all very busy - working very
hard - but to all useful intents and purposes they are doing Nothing.'

`Well, all right,' said Harlow.  `'Ave it yer own way, but there's no
need to keep on repeating the same thing over an' over again.'

`The next division,' resumed Owen, `stands for those who are engaged
in really useful work - the production of the benefits of
civilization - the necessaries, refinements and comforts of life.'

        1             2             3            4
  | Tramps     | Exploiters  | All those   | All those  |            |
  | Beggars    | of Labour   | engaged in  | engaged in |            |
  | Society    | Thieves     | unnecessary | necessary  |     U      |
  | People     | Swindlers   | work        | work - the |     N      |
  | Aristoc-   | Pickpockets |             | production |     E      |
  | racy       | Burglars    |             | of the     |     M      |
  | Great      | Bishops     |             | benefits   |     P      |
  | Landowners | Financiers  |             | of         |     L      |
  | All those  | Capitalists |             | civiliz-   |     O      |
  | possessed  | Share-      |             | ation      |     Y      |
  | of         | holders     |             |            |     E      |
  | hereditary | Ministers   |             |            |     D      |
  | wealth     | of religion |             |            |            |

`Hooray!' shouted Philpot, leading off a cheer which was taken up
enthusiastically by the crowd, `Hooray!  This is where WE comes in,'
he added, nodding his head and winking his goggle eyes at the meeting.

`I wish to call the chairman to horder,' said the man on the pail.

When Owen had finished writing in the list of occupations several
members of the audience rose to point out that those engaged in the
production of beer had been omitted.  Owen rectified this serious
oversight and proceeded:

`As most of the people in number four are out of work at least one
quarter of their time, we must reduce the size of this division by one
fourth - so.  The grey part represents the unemployed.'

`But some of those in number three are often unemployed as well,' said

Yes: but as THEY produce nothing even when they are at work we need
not trouble to classify them unemployed, because our present purpose
is only to discover the reason why there is not enough produced for
everyone to enjoy abundance; and this - the Present System of
conducting our affairs - is the reason of the shortage - the cause of
poverty.  When you reflect that all the other people are devouring the
things produced by those in number four - can you wonder that there is
not plenty for all?'

`"Devouring" is a good word,' said Philpot, and the others laughed.

The lecturer now drew a small square upon the wall below the other
drawing.  This square he filled in solid black.

        1             2             3            4
  | Tramps     | Exploiters  | All those   | All those  |            |
  | Beggars    | of Labour   | engaged in  | engaged in |            |
  | Society    | Thieves     | unnecessary | necessary  |     U      |
  | People     | Swindlers   | work        | work - the |     N      |
  | Aristoc-   | Pickpockets |             | production |     E      |
  | racy       | Burglars    |             | of the     |     M      |
  | Great      | Bishops     |             | benefits   |     P      |
  | Landowners | Financiers  |             | of         |     L      |
  | All those  | Capitalists |             | civiliz-   |     O      |
  | possessed  | Share-      |             | ation      |     Y      |
  | of         | holders     |             |            |     E      |
  | hereditary | Ministers   |             |            |     D      |
  | wealth     | of religion |             |            |            |

        This represents the total   ##############
        of the things produced by   ##############
        the people in division 4.   ##############

`This represents the total amount of the benefits of civilization and
necessaries of life produced by the people in number four.  We now
proceed to "Share Out" the things in the same way as they are actually
divided amongst the different classes of the population under the
present imbecile system.

`As the people in divisions one and two are universally considered to
be the most worthy and deserving we give them - two-thirds of the

`The remainder we give to be "Shared Out" amongst the people
represented by divisions three and four.

        1             2             3            4
  | Tramps     | Exploiters  | All those   | All those  |            |
  | Beggars    | of Labour   | engaged in  | engaged in |            |
  | Society    | Thieves     | unnecessary | necessary  |     U      |
  | People     | Swindlers   | work        | work - the |     N      |
  | Aristoc-   | Pickpockets |             | production |     E      |
  | racy       | Burglars    |             | of the     |     M      |
  | Great      | Bishops     |             | benefits   |     P      |
  | Landowners | Financiers  |             | of         |     L      |
  | All those  | Capitalists |             | civiliz-   |     O      |
  | possessed  | Share-      |             | ation      |     Y      |
  | of         | holders     |             |            |     E      |
  | hereditary | Ministers   |             |            |     D      |
  | wealth     | of religion |             |            |            |
  \___________  ____________/ \___________  ___________/
              \/                          \/
            #########                    #####
            #########                    #####
            #########                    #####
            #########                    #####
            #########                    #####
            #########                    #####
    How the things produced by the people in division 4 are `shared
         out' amongst the different classes of the population.

`Now you mustn't run away with the idea that the people in three and
four take their share quietly and divide the things equally between
them.  Not at all.  Some get very little, some none, some more than a
fair share.  It is in these two divisions that the ferocious "Battle
of Life" ranges most fiercely; and of course in this battle the weak
and the virtuous fare the worst.  Even those whose exceptional
abilities or opportunities enable them to succeed, are compelled to
practise selfishness, because a man of exceptional ability who was not
selfish would devote his abilities to relieving the manifest
sufferings of others, and not to his own profit, and if he did the
former he would not be successful in the sense that the world
understands the word.  All those who really seek to "Love their
neighbour as themselves", or to return good for evil, the gentle, the
kind, and all those who refrain from doing to others the things they
would not like to suffer themselves; all these are of necessity found
amongst the vanquished; because only the worst - only those who are
aggressive, cunning, selfish and mean are fitted to survive.  And all
these people in numbers three and four are so fully occupied in this
dreadful struggle to secure a little, that but few of them pause to
inquire why there are not more of the things they are fighting for, or
why it is necessary to fight like this at all!'

For a few minutes silence prevailed, each man's mind being busy trying
to think of some objection to the lecturer's arguments.

`How could the small number of people in number one and two consume as
much as you've given 'em in your drorin'?' demanded Crass.

`They don't actually consume all of it,' replied Owen.  `Much of it is
wantonly wasted.  They also make fortunes by selling some of it in
foreign countries; but they consume a great part of it themselves,
because the amount of labour expended on the things enjoyed by these
people is greater than that expended in the production of the things
used by the workers.  Most of the people who do nothing get the best
of everything.  More than three-quarters of the time of the working
classes is spent in producing the things used by the wealthy.  Compare
the quality and quantity of the clothing possessed by the wife or
daughter of a rich man with that of the wife or daughter of a worker.
The time and labour spent on producing the one is twenty times greater
in one case than in the other; and it's the same with everything else.
Their homes, their clothing, boots, hats, jewellery, and their food.
Everything must be of the very best that art or long and painful
labour can produce.  But for most of those whose labour produces all
these good things - anything is considered good enough.  For
themselves, the philanthropic workers manufacture shoddy cloth - that
is, cheap cloth made of old rags and dirt; and shoddy, uncomfortable
ironclad boots.  If you see a workman wearing a really good suit of
clothes you may safely conclude that he is either leading an unnatural
life - that is, he is not married - or that he has obtained it from a
tallyman on the hire system and has not yet paid for it - or that it
is someone else's cast-off suit that he has bought second-hand or had
given to him by some charitable person.  It's the same with the food.
All the ducks and geese, pheasants, partridges, and all the very best
parts of the very best meat - all the soles and the finest plaice and
salmon and trout -'

`'Ere chuck it,' cried Harlow, fiercely.  `We don't want to 'ear no
more of it,' and several others protested against the lecturer wasting
time on such mere details.

`- all the very best of everything is reserved exclusively for the
enjoyment of the people in divisions one and two, while the workers
subsist on block ornaments, margarine, adulterated tea, mysterious
beer, and are content - only grumbling when they are unable to obtain
even such fare as this.'

Owen paused and a gloomy silence followed, but suddenly Crass
brightened up.  He detected a serious flaw in the lecturer's argument.

`You say the people in one and two gets all the best of everything,
but what about the tramps and beggars?  You've got them in division

`Yes, I know.  You see, that's the proper place for them.  They belong
to a Loafer class.  They are no better mentally or morally than any of
the other loafers in that division; neither are they of any more use.
Of course, when we consider them in relation to the amount they
consume of the things produced by others, they are not so harmful as
the other loafers, because they consume comparatively little.  But all
the same they are in their right place in that division.  All those
people don't get the same share.  The section represents not
individuals - but the loafer class.'

`But I thought you said you was goin' to prove that money was the
cause of poverty,' said Easton.

`So it is,' said Owen.  `Can't you see that it's money that's caused
all these people to lose sight of the true purpose of labour - the
production of the things we need?  All these people are suffering from
the delusion that it doesn't matter what kind of work they do - or
whether they merely do nothing - so long as they get MONEY for doing
it.  Under the present extraordinary system, that's the only object
they have in view - to get money.  Their ideas are so topsy-turvey
that they regard with contempt those who are engaged in useful work!
With the exception of criminals and the poorer sort of loafers, the
working classes are considered to be the lowest and least worthy in
the community.  Those who manage to get money for doing something
other than productive work are considered more worthy of respect on
that account.  Those who do nothing themselves, but get money out of
the labour of others, are regarded as being more worthy still!  But
the ones who are esteemed most of all and honoured above all the rest,
are those who obtain money for doing absolutely nothing!'

`But I can't see as that proves that money is the cause of poverty,'
said Easton.

`Look here,' said Owen.  `The people in number four produce
everything, don't they?'

`Yes; we knows all about that,' interrupted Harlow.  `But they gets
paid for it, don't they?  They gets their wages.'

`Yes, and what does their wages consist of?' said Owen.

`Why, money, of course,' replied Harlow, impatiently.

And what do they do with their money when they get it?  Do they eat
it, or drink it, or wear it?'

At this apparently absurd question several of those who had hitherto
been attentive listeners laughed derisively; it was really very
difficult to listen patiently to such nonsense.

`Of course they don't,' answered Harlow scornfully.  `They buy the
things they want with it.'

`Do you think that most of them manage to save a part of their wages -
put it away in the bank.'

`Well, I can speak for meself,' replied Harlow amid laughter.  `It
takes me all my bloody time to pay my rent and other expenses and to
keep my little lot in shoe leather, and it's dam little I spend on
beer; p'r'aps a tanner or a bob a week at the most.'

`A single man can save money if he likes,' said Slyme.

`I'm not speaking of single men,' replied Owen.  `I'm referring to
those who live natural lives.'

`What about all the money what's in the Post Office Savings Bank, and
Building and Friendly Societies?' said Crass.

`A very large part of that belongs to people who are in business, or
who have some other source of income than their own wages.  There are
some exceptionally fortunate workers who happen to have good
situations and higher wages than the ordinary run of workmen.  Then
there are some who are so placed - by letting lodgings, for instance -
that they are able to live rent free.  Others whose wives go out to
work; and others again who have exceptional jobs and work a lot of
overtime - but these are all exceptional cases.'

`I say as no married workin' man can save any money at all!' shouted
Harlow, 'not unless 'e goes without some of even the few things we are
able to get - and makes 'is wife and kids go without as well.'

`'Ear, 'ear,' said everybody except Crass and Slyme, who were both
thrifty working men, and each of them had some money saved in one or
other of the institutions mentioned.

`Then that means,' said Owen, `that means that the wages the people in
division four receive is not equivalent to the work they do.'

`Wotcher mean, equivalent?' cried Crass.  `Why the 'ell don't yer talk
plain English without draggin' in a lot of long words wot nobody can't

`I mean this,' replied Owen, speaking very slowly.  `Everything is
produced by the people in number four.  In return for their work they
are given - Money, and the things they have made become the property
of the people who do nothing.  Then, as the money is of no use, the
workers go to shops and give it away in exchange for some of the
things they themselves have made.  They spend - or give back - ALL
their wages; but as the money they got as wages is not equal in value
to the things they produced, they find that they are only able to buy
back a VERY SMALL PART.  So you see that these little discs of metal -
this Money - is a device for enabling those who do not work to rob the
workers of the greater part of the fruits of their toil.'

The silence that ensued was broken by Crass.

`It sounds very pretty,' he sneered, `but I can't make no 'ead or tail
of it, meself.'

`Look here!' cried Owen.  `The producing class - these people in
number four are supposed to be paid for their work.  Their wages are
supposed to be equal in value to their work.  But it's not so.  If it
were, by spending all their wages, the producing class would be able
to buy back All they had produced.'

Owen ceased speaking and silence once more ensued.  No one gave any
sign of understanding, or of agreeing or of disagreeing with what he
had said.  Their attitude was strictly neutral.  Barrington's pipe had
gone out during the argument.  He relit it from the fire with a piece
of twisted paper.

`If their wages were really equal in value to the product of their
labour,' Owen repeated, `they would be able to buy back not a small
part - but the Whole.' ...

At this, a remark from Bundy caused a shout of laughter, and when
Wantley added point to the joke by making a sound like the discharge
of a pistol the merriment increased tenfold.

`Well, that's done it,' remarked Easton, as he got up and opened the

`It's about time you was buried, if the smell's anything to go by,'
said Harlow, addressing Wantley, who laughed and appeared to think he
had distinguished himself.

`But even if we include the whole of the working classes,' continued
Owen, `that is, the people in number three as well as those in number
four, we find that their combined wages are insufficient to buy the
things made by the producers.  The total value of the wealth produced
in this country during the last year was 1,800,000,000, and the total
amount paid in wages during the same period was only 600,000,000.  In
other words, by means of the Money Trick, the workers were robbed of
two-thirds of the value of their labour.  All the people in numbers
three and four are working and suffering and starving and fighting in
order that the rich people in numbers one and two may live in luxury,
and do nothing.  These are the wretches who cause poverty: they not
only devour or waste or hoard the things made by the worker, but as
soon as their own wants are supplied - they compel the workers to
cease working and prevent them producing the things they need.  Most
of these people!' cried Owen, his usually pale face flushing red and
his eyes shining with sudden anger, `most of these people do not
deserve to be called human beings at all!  They're devils!  They know
that whilst they are indulging in pleasures of every kind - all around
them men and women and little children are existing in want or dying
of hunger.'

The silence which followed was at length broken by Harlow:

`You say the workers is entitled to all they produce, but you forget
there's the raw materials to pay for.  They don't make them, you

`Of course the workers don't create the raw materials,' replied Owen.
`But I am not aware that the capitalists or the landlords do so
either.  The raw materials exist in abundance in and on the earth, but
they are of no use until labour has been applied to them.'

`But then, you see, the earth belongs to the landlords!' cried Crass,

`I know that; and of course you think it's right that the whole
country should belong to a few people -'

`I must call the lecturer to horder,' interrupted Philpot.  `The land
question is not before the meeting at present.'

`You talk about the producers being robbed of most of the value of
what they produce,' said Harlow, `but you must remember that it ain't
all produced by hand labour.  What about the things what's made by

`The machines themselves were made by the workers,' returned Owen,
`but of course they do not belong to the workers, who have been robbed
of them by means of the Money Trick.'

`But who invented all the machinery?' cried Crass.

`That's more than you or I or anyone else can say,' returned Owen,
`but it certainly wasn't the wealthy loafer class, or the landlords,
or the employers.  Most of the men who invented the machinery lived
and died unknown, in poverty and often in actual want.  The inventors
too were robbed by the exploiter-of-labour class.  There are no men
living at present who can justly claim to have invented the machinery
that exists today.  The most they can truthfully say is that they have
added to or improved upon the ideas of those who lived and worked
before them.  Even Watt and Stevenson merely improved upon steam
engines and locomotives already existing.  Your question has really
nothing to do with the subject we are discussing: we are only trying
to find out why the majority of people have to go short of the
benefits of civilization.  One of the causes is - the majority of the
population are engaged in work that does not produce those things; and
most of what IS produced is appropriated and wasted by those who have
no right to it.

`The workers produce Everything!  If you walk through the streets of a
town or a city, and look around, Everything that you can see -
Factories, Machinery, Houses, Railways, Tramways, Canals, Furniture,
Clothing, Food and the very road or pavement you stand upon were all
made by the working class, who spend all their wages in buying back
only a very small part of the things they produce.  Therefore what
remains in the possession of their masters represents the difference
between the value of the work done and the wages paid for doing it.
This systematic robbery has been going on for generations, the value
of the accumulated loot is enormous, and all of it, all the wealth at
present in the possession of the rich, is rightly the property of the
working class - it has been stolen from them by means of the Money
Trick.' ...

For some moments an oppressive silence prevailed.  The men stared with
puzzled, uncomfortable looks alternately at each other and at the
drawings on the wall.  They were compelled to do a little thinking on
their own account, and it was a process to which they were
unaccustomed.  In their infancy they had been taught to distrust their
own intelligence and to leave "thinking' to their `pastors' and
masters and to their `betters' generally.  All their lives they had
been true to this teaching, they had always had blind, unreasoning
faith in the wisdom and humanity of their pastors and masters.  That
was the reason why they and their children had been all their lives on
the verge of starvation and nakedness, whilst their `betters' - who
did nothing but the thinking - went clothed in purple and fine linen
and fared sumptuously every day.

Several men had risen from their seats and were attentively studying
the diagrams Owen had drawn on the wall; and nearly all the others
were making the same mental efforts - they were trying to think of
something to say in defence of those who robbed them of the fruits of
their toil.

`I don't see no bloody sense in always runnin' down the rich,' said
Harlow at last.  `There's always been rich and poor in the world and
there always will be.'

`Of course,' said Slyme.  `It says in the Bible that the poor shall
always be with us.'

`What the bloody 'ell kind of system do you think we ought to 'ave?'
demanded Crass.  `If everything's wrong, 'ow's it goin' to be

At this, everybody brightened up again, and exchanged looks of
satisfaction and relief.  Of course!  It wasn't necessary to think
about these things at all!  Nothing could ever be altered: it had
always been more or less the same, and it always would be.

`It seems to me that you all HOPE it is impossible to alter it,' said
Owen.  `Without trying to find out whether it could be done, you
persuade yourselves that it is impossible, and then, instead of being
sorry, you're glad!'

Some of them laughed in a silly, half-ashamed way.

`How do YOU reckon it could be altered?' said Harlow.

`The way to alter it is, first to enlighten the people as to the real
cause of their sufferings, and then -'

`Well,' interrupted Crass, with a self-satisfied chuckle, `it'll take
a better bloody man than you to enlighten ME!'

`I don't want to be henlightened into Darkness!' said Slyme piously.

`But what sort of System do you propose, then?' repeated Harlow.

`After you've got 'em all enlightened - if you don't believe in
sharing out all the money equal, how ARE you goin' to alter it?'

`I don't know 'ow 'e's goin' to alter it,' sneered Crass, looking at
his watch and standing up, `but I do know what the time is - two
minits past one!'

`The next lecture,' said Philpot, addressing the meeting as they all
prepared to return to work, `the next lecture will be postponded till
tomorrer at the usual time, when it will be my painful dooty to call
upon Mr Owen to give 'is well-known and most hobnoxious address
entitled "Work and how to avoid it."  Hall them as wants to be
henlightened kindly attend.'

`Or hall them as don't get the sack tonight,' remarked Easton grimly.

Chapter 26

The Slaughter

During the afternoon, Rushton and Sweater visited the house, the
latter having an appointment to meet there a gardener to whom be
wished to give instructions concerning the laying out of the grounds,
which had been torn up for the purpose of putting in the new drains.
Sweater had already arranged with the head gardener of the public park
to steal some of the best plants from that place and have them sent up
to `The Cave'.  These plants had been arriving in small lots for about
a week.  They must have been brought there either in the evening after
the men left off or very early in the morning before they came.  The
two gentlemen remained at the house for about half an hour and as they
went away the mournful sound of the Town Hall bell - which was always
tolled to summon meetings of the Council - was heard in the distance,
and the hands remarked to each other that another robbery was about to
be perpetrated.

Hunter did not come to the job again that day: he had been sent by
Rushton to price some work for which the firm was going to tender an
estimate.  There was only one person who felt any regret at his
absence, and that was Mrs White - Bert's mother, who had been working
at `The Cave' for several days, scrubbing the floors.  As a rule,
Hunter paid her wages every night, and on this occasion she happened
to need the money even more than usual.  As leaving off time drew
near, she mentioned the matter to Crass, who advised her to call at
the office on her way home and ask the young lady clerk for the money.
As Hunter did not appear, she followed the foreman's advice.

When she reached the shop Rushton was just coming out.  She explained
to him what she wanted and he instructed Mr Budd to tell Miss Wade to
pay her.  The shopman accordingly escorted her to the office at the
back of the shop, and the young lady book-keeper - after referring to
former entries to make quite certain of the amount, paid her the sum
that Hunter had represented as her wages, the same amount that Miss
Wade had on the previous occasions given him to pay the charwoman.
When Mrs White got outside she found that she held in her hand half a
crown instead of the two shillings she usually received from Mr
Hunter.  At first she felt inclined to take it back, but after some
hesitation she thought it better to wait until she saw Hunter, when
she could tell him about it; but the next morning when she saw the
disciple at `The Cave' he broached the subject first, and told her
that Miss Wade had made a mistake.  And that evening when he paid her,
he deducted the sixpence from the usual two shillings.

The lecture announced by Philpot was not delivered.  Anxiously
awaiting the impending slaughter the men kept tearing into it as
usual, for they generally keep working in the usual way, each one
trying to outdo the others so as not to lose his chance of being one
of the lucky one ...

Misery now went round and informed all the men with the exception of
Crass, Owen, Slyme and Sawkins - that they would have to stand off
that night.  He told them that the firm had several jobs in view -
work they had tendered for and hoped to get, and said they could look
round after Christmas and he might - possibly - be able to start some
of them again.  They would be paid at the office tomorrow - Saturday -
at one o'clock as usual, but if any of them wished they could have
their money tonight.  The men thanked him, and most of them said they
would come for their wages at the usual pay-time, and would call round
as he suggested, after the holidays, to see if there was anything to

In all, fifteen men - including Philpot, Harlow, Easton and Ned
Dawson, were to `stand off' that night.  They took their dismissal
stolidly, without any remark, some of them even with an affectation of
indifference, but there were few attempts at conversation afterwards.
The little work that remained to be done they did in silence, every
man oppressed by the same terror - the dread of the impending want,
the privation and unhappiness that they knew they and their families
would have to suffer during the next few months.

Bundy and his mate Dawson were working in the kitchen fixing the new
range in place of the old one which they had taken out.  They had been
engaged on this job all day, and their hands and faces and clothes
were covered with soot, which they had also contrived to smear and dab
all over the surfaces of the doors and other woodwork in the room,
much to the indignation of Crass and Slyme, who had to wash it all off
before they could put on the final coat of paint.

`You can't help makin' a little mess on a job of this kind, you know,'
remarked Bundy, as he was giving the finishing touches to the work,
making good the broken parts of the wall with cement, whilst his mate
was clearing away the debris.

`Yes; but there's no need to claw 'old of the bloody doors every time
you goes in and out,' snarled Crass, `and you could 'ave put yer tools
on the floor instead of makin' a bench of the dresser.'

`You can 'ave the bloody place all to yerself in about five minutes,'
replied Bundy, as he assisted to lift a sack of cement weighing about
two hundredweight on to Dawson's buck.  `We're finished now.'

When they had cleared away all the dirt and fragments of bricks and
mortar, while Crass and Slyme proceeded with the painting, Bundy and
Dawson loaded up their hand-cart with the old range and the bags of
unused cement and plaster, which they took back to the yard.
Meantime, Misery was wandering about the house and pounds like an evil
spirit seeking rest and finding none.  He stood for some time gloomily
watching the four gardeners, who were busily at work laying strips of
turf, mowing the lawn, rolling the gravel paths and trimming the trees
and bushes.  The boy Bert, Philpot, Harlow, Easton and Sawkins were
loading a hand-cart with ladders and empty paint-pots to return to the
yard. Just as they were setting out, Misery stopped them, remarking
that the cart was not half loaded - he said it would take a month to
get all the stuff away if they went on like that; so by his directions
they placed another long ladder on top of the pile and once more
started on their way, but before they had gone two dozen yards one of
the wheels of the cart collapsed and the load was scattered over the
roadway.  Bert was at the same side of the cart as the wheel that
broke and he was thrown violently to the ground, where he lay half
stunned, in the midst of the ladders and planks.  When they got him
out they were astonished to find that, thanks to the special
Providence that watches over all small boys, he was almost unhurt -
just a little dazed, that was all; and by the time Sawkins returned
with another cart, Bert was able to help to gather up the fallen
paint-pots and to accompany the men with the load to the yard.  At the
corner of the road they paused to take a last look at the `job'.

`There it stands!' said Harlow, tragically, extending his arm towards
the house.  `There it stands!  A job that if they'd only have let us
do it properly, couldn't 'ave been done with the number of 'ands we've
'ad, in less than four months; and there it is, finished, messed up,
slobbered over and scamped, in nine weeks!'

`Yes, and now we can all go to 'ell,' said Philpot, gloomily.

At the yard they found Bundy and his mate, Ned Dawson, who helped them
to hang up the ladders in their usual places.  Philpot was glad to get
out of assisting to do this, for he had contracted a rather severe
attack of rheumatism when working outside at the `Cave'.  Whilst the
others were putting the ladders away he assisted Bert to carry the
paint-pots and buckets into the paint shop, and while there he filled
a small medicine bottle he had brought with him for the purpose, with
turpentine from the tank.  He wanted this stuff to rub into his
shoulders and legs, and as he secreted the bottle in the inner pocket
of his coat, he muttered: `This is where we gets some of our own

They took the key of the yard to the office and as they separated to
go home Bundy suggested that the best thing they could do would be to
sew their bloody mouths up for a few months, because there was not
much probability of their getting another job until about March.

The next morning while Crass and Slyme were finishing inside, Owen
wrote the two gates.  On the front entrance `The Cave' and on the back
`Tradesmens Entrance', in gilded letters.  In the meantime, Sawkins
and Bert made several journeys to the Yard with the hand-cart.

Crass - working in the kitchen with Slyme - was very silent and
thoughtful.  Ever since the job was started, every time Mr Sweater had
visited the house to see what progress was being made, Crass had been
grovelling to him in the hope of receiving a tip when the work was
finished.  He had been very careful to act upon any suggestions that
Sweater had made from time to time and on several occasions had taken
a lot of trouble to get just the right tints of certain colours,
making up a number of different shades and combinations, and doing
parts of the skirtings or mouldings of rooms in order that Mr Sweater
might see exactly - before they went on with it  what it would look
like when finished.  He made a great pretence of deferring to
Sweater's opinion, and assured him that he did not care how much
trouble he took as long as he - Sweater - was pleased.  In fact, it
was no trouble at all: it was a pleasure.  As the work neared
completion, Crass began to speculate upon the probable amount of the
donation he would receive as the reward of nine weeks of cringing,
fawning, abject servility.  He thought it quite possible that he might
get a quid: it would not be too much, considering all the trouble he
had taken.  It was well worth it.  At any rate, he felt certain that
he was sure to get ten bob; a gentleman like Mr Sweater would never
have the cheek to offer less.  The more he thought about it the more
improbable it appeared that the amount would be less than a quid, and
he made up his mind that whatever he got he would take good care that
none of the other men knew anything about it.  HE was the one who had
had all the worry of the job, and he was the only one entitled to
anything there was to be had.  Besides, even if he got a quid, by the
time you divided that up amongst a dozen - or even amongst two or
three - it would not be worth having.

At about eleven o'clock Mr Sweater arrived and began to walk over the
house, followed by Crass, who carried a pot of paint and a small brush
and made believe to be `touching up' and finishing off parts of the
work.  As Sweater went from one room to another Crass repeatedly
placed himself in the way in the hope of being spoken to, but Sweater
took no notice of him whatever.  Once or twice Crass's heart began to
beat quickly as he furtively watched the great man and saw him thrust
his thumb and finger into his waistcoat pocket, but on each occasion
Sweater withdrew his hand with nothing in it.  After a while,
observing that the gentleman was about to depart without having
spoken, Crass determined to break the ice himself.

`It's a little better weather we're 'avin' now, sir.'

`Yes,' replied Sweater.

`I was beginnin' to be afraid as I shouldn't be hable to git
heverything finished in time for you to move in before Christmas,
sir,' Crass continued, `but it's hall done now, sir.'

Sweater made no reply.

`I've kept the fire agoin' in hall the rooms has you told me, sir,'
resumed Crass after a pause.  `I think you'll find as the place is
nice and dry, sir; the honly places as is a bit damp is the kitchen
and scullery and the other rooms in the basement, sir, but of course
that's nearly halways the case, sir, when the rooms is partly
hunderground, sir.

`But of course it don't matter so much about the basement, sir,
because it's honly the servants what 'as to use it, sir, and even down
there it'll be hall right hin the summer, sir.'

One would scarcely think, from the contemptuous way in which he spoke
of `servants' that Crass's own daughter was `in service', but such was
the case.

`Oh, yes, there's no doubt about that,' replied Sweater as he moved
towards the door; `there's no doubt it will be dry enough in the
summer.  Good morning.'

`Good morning to YOU, sir,' said Crass, following him.  `I 'opes as
you're pleased with all the work, sir; everything satisfactory, sir.'

`Oh, yes.  I think it looks very nice; very nice indeed; I'm very
pleased with it,' said Sweater affably.  `Good morning.'

`Good morning, sir,' replied the foreman with a sickly smile as
Sweater departed.

When the other was gone, Crass sat down dejectedly on the bottom step
of the stairs, overwhelmed with the ruin of his hopes and
expectations.  He tried to comfort himself with the reflection that
all hope was not lost, because he would have to come to the house
again on Monday and Tuesday to fix the venetian blinds; but all the
same he could not help thinking that it was only a very faint hope,
for he felt that if Sweater had intended giving anything he would have
done so today; and it was very improbable that he would see Sweater on
Monday or Tuesday at all, for the latter did not usually visit the job
in the early part of the week.  However, Crass made up his mind to
hope for the best, and, pulling himself together, he presently
returned to the kitchen, where he found Slyme and Sawkins waiting for
him.  He had not mentioned his hopes of a tip to either of them, but
they did not need any telling and they were both determined to have
their share of whatever he got.  They eyed him keenly as he entered.

`What did 'e give yer?' demanded Sawkins, going straight to the point.

`Give me?' replied Crass.  `Nothing!'

Slyme laughed in a sneering, incredulous way, but Sawkins was inclined
to be abusive.  He averred that he had been watching Crass and Sweater
and had seen the latter put his thumb and finger into his waistcoat
pocket as he walked into the dining-room, followed by Crass.  It took
the latter a long time to convince his two workmates of the truth of
his own account, but he succeeded at last, and they all three agreed
that Old Sweater was a sanguinary rotter, and they lamented over the
decay of the good old-fashioned customs.

`Why, at one time o' day,' said Crass, `only a few years ago, if you
went to a gentleman's 'ouse to paint one or two rooms you could always
be sure of a bob or two when you'd finished.'

By half past twelve everything was squared up, and, having loaded up
the hand-cart with all that remained of the materials, dirty
paint-pots and plant, they all set out together for the yard, to put
all the things away before going to the office for their money.
Sawkins took the handle of the cart, Slyme and Crass walked at one
side and Owen and Bert at the other.  There was no need to push, for
the road was downhill most of the way; so much so that they had all to
help to hold back the cart, which travelled so rapidly that Bert found
it difficult to keep pace with the others and frequently broke into a
trot to recover lost ground, and Crass - being fleshy and bloated with
beer, besides being unused to much exertion - began to perspire and
soon appealed to the others not to let it go so fast - there was no
need to get done before one o'clock.

Chapter 27

The March of the Imperialists

It was an unusually fine day for the time of year, and as they passed
along the Grand Parade - which faced due south - they felt quite warm.
The Parade was crowded with richly dressed and bejewelled loafers,
whose countenances in many instances bore unmistakable signs of
drunkenness and gluttony.  Some of the females had tried to conceal
the ravages of vice and dissipation by coating their faces with powder
and paint.  Mingling with and part of this crowd were a number of
well-fed-looking individuals dressed in long garments of black cloth
of the finest texture, and broad-brimmed soft felt hats.  Most of
these persons had gold rings on their soft white fingers and
glove-like kid or calfskin boots on their feet.  They belonged to the
great army of imposters who obtain an easy living by taking advantage
of the ignorance and simplicity of their fellow-men, and pretending to
be the `followers' and `servants' of the lowly Carpenter of Nazareth -
the Man of Sorrows, who had not where to lay His head.

None of these black-garbed `disciples' were associating with the
groups of unemployed carpenters, bricklayers, plasterers, and painters
who stood here and there in the carriage-way dressed in mean and
shabby clothing and with faces pale with privation.  Many of these
latter were known to our friends with the cart, and nodded to them as
they passed.  Now and then some of them came over and walked a little
distance by their side, inquiring whether there was any news of
another job at Rushton's.

When they were about half-way down the Parade, just near the Fountain,
Crass and his mates encountered a number of men on whose arms were
white bands with the word `Collector' in black letters.  They carried
collecting boxes and accosted the people in the street, begging for
money for the unemployed.  These men were a kind of skirmishers for
the main body, which could be seen some distance behind.

As the procession drew near, Sawkins steered the cart into the kerb
and halted as they went past.  There were about three hundred men
altogether, marching four abreast.  They carried three large white
banners with black letters, `Thanks to our Subscribers' `In aid of
Genuine Unemployed', `The Children must be Fed'.  Although there were
a number of artisans in the procession, the majority of the men
belonged to what is called the unskilled labourer class.  The skilled
artisan does not as a rule take part in such a procession except as a
very last resource ...  And all the time he strives to keep up an
appearance of being well-to-do, and would be highly indignant if
anyone suggested that he was really in a condition of abject,
miserable poverty.  Although he knows that his children are often not
so well fed as are the pet dogs and cats of his `betters', he tries to
bluff his neighbours into thinking that he has some mysterious private
means of which they know nothing, and conceals his poverty as if it
were a crime.  Most of this class of men would rather starve than beg.
Consequently not more than a quarter of the men in the procession were
skilled artisans; the majority were labourers.

There was also a sprinkling of those unfortunate outcasts of society -
tramps and destitute, drunken loafers.  If the self-righteous
hypocrites who despise these poor wretches had been subjected to the
same conditions, the majority of them would inevitably have become the
same as these.

Haggard and pale, shabbily or raggedly dressed, their boots broken and
down at heel, they slouched past.  Some of them stared about with a
dazed or half-wild expression, but most of them walked with downcast
eyes or staring blankly straight in front of them.  They appeared
utterly broken-spirited, hopeless and ashamed ...

`Anyone can see what THEY are,' sneered Crass, `there isn't fifty
genuine tradesmen in the whole crowd, and most of 'em wouldn't work if
they 'ad the offer of it.'

`That's just what I was thinkin',' agreed Sawkins with a laugh.

`There will be plenty of time to say that when they have been offered
work and have refused to do it,' said Owen.

`This sort of thing does the town a lot of 'arm,' remarked Slyme; `it
oughtn't to be allowed; the police ought to stop it.  It's enough to
drive all the gentry out of the place!'

`Bloody disgraceful, I call it,' said Crass, `marchin' along the Grand
Parade on a beautiful day like this, just at the very time when most
of the gentry is out enjoyin' the fresh hair.'

`I suppose you think they ought to stay at home and starve quietly,'
said Owen.  `I don't see why these men should care what harm they do
to the town; the town doesn't seem to care much what becomes of THEM.'

`Do you believe in this sort of thing, then?' asked Slyme.

`No; certainly not.  I don't believe in begging as a favour for what
one is entitled to demand as a right from the thieves who have robbed
them and who are now enjoying the fruits of their labour.  From the
look of shame on their faces you might think that they were the
criminals instead of being the victims.'

`Well you must admit that most of them is very inferior men,' said
Crass with a self-satisfied air.  `There's very few mechanics amongst

`What about it if they are?  What difference does that make?' replied
Owen.  `They're human beings, and they have as much right to live as
anyone else.  What is called unskilled labour is just as necessary and
useful as yours or mine.  I am no more capable of doing the
"unskilled" labour that most of these men do than most of them would
be capable of doing my work.'

`Well, if they was skilled tradesmen, they might find it easier to get
a job,' said Crass.

Owen laughed offensively.

`Do you mean to say you think that if all these men could be
transformed into skilled carpenters, plasterers, bricklayers, and
painters, that it would be easier for all those other chaps whom we
passed a little while ago to get work?  Is it possible that you or any
other sane man can believe anything so silly as that?'

Crass did not reply.

`If there is not enough work to employ all the mechanics whom we see
standing idle about the streets, how would it help these labourers in
the procession if they could all become skilled workmen?'

Still Crass did not answer, and neither Slyme nor Sawkins came to his

`If that could be done,' continued Owen, `it would simply make things
worse for those who are already skilled mechanics.  A greater number
of skilled workers - keener competition for skilled workmen's jobs - a
larger number of mechanics out of employment, and consequently,
improved opportunities for employers to reduce wages.  That is
probably the reason why the Liberal Party - which consists for the
most part of exploiters of labour - procured the great Jim Scalds to
tell us that improved technical education is the remedy for
unemployment and poverty.'

`I suppose you think Jim Scalds is a bloody fool, the same as
everybody else what don't see things YOUR way?' said Sawkins.

`I should think he was a fool if I thought he believed what he says.
But I don't think he believes it.  He says it because he thinks the
majority of the working classes are such fools that they will believe
him.  If he didn't think that most of us are fools he wouldn't tell us
such a yarn as that.'

`And I suppose you think as 'is opinion ain't far wrong,' snarled

`We shall be better able to judge of that after the next General
Election,' replied Owen.  `If the working classes again elect a
majority of Liberal or Tory landlords and employers to rule over them,
it will prove that Jim Scalds' estimate of their intelligence is about

`Well, anyhow,' persisted Slyme, `I don't think it's a right thing
that they should be allowed to go marchin' about like that - driving
visitors out of the town.'

`What do you think they ought to do, then?' demanded Owen.

`Let the b--rs go to the bloody workhouse!' shouted Crass.

`But before they could be received there they would have to be
absolutely homeless and destitute, and then the ratepayers would have
to keep them.  It costs about twelve shillings a week for each inmate,
so it seems to me that it would be more sensible and economical for
the community to employ them on some productive work.'

They had by this time arrived at the yard.  The steps and ladders were
put away in their places and the dirty paint-pots and pails were
placed in the paint-shop on the bench and on the floor.  With what had
previously been brought back there were a great many of these things,
all needing to be cleaned out, so Bert at any rate stood in no danger
of being out of employment for some time to come.

When they were paid at the office, Owen on opening his envelope found
it contained as usual, a time sheet for the next week, which meant
that he was not `stood off' although he did not know what work there
would be to do.  Crass and Slyme were both to go to the `Cave' to fix
the venetian blinds, and Sawkins also was to come to work as usual.

Chapter 28

The Week before Christmas

During the next week Owen painted a sign on the outer wall of one of
the workshops at the yard, and he also wrote the name of the firm on
three of the handcarts.

These and other odd jobs kept him employed a few hours every day, so
that he was not actually out of work.

One afternoon - there being nothing to do - he went home at three
o'clock, but almost as soon as he reached the house Bert White came
with a coffin-plate which had to be written at once.  The lad said he
had been instructed to wait for it.

Nora gave the boy some tea and bread and butter to eat whilst Owen was
doing the coffin-plate, and presently Frankie - who had been playing
out in the street - made his appearance.  The two boys were already
known to each other, for Bert had been there several times before - on
errands similar to the present one, or to take lessons on graining and
letter-painting from Owen.

`I'm going to have a party next Monday - after Christmas,' remarked
Frankie.  `Mother told me I might ask you if you'll come?'

`All right,' said Bert; `and I'll bring my Pandoramer.'

`What is it?  Is it alive?' asked Frankie with a puzzled look.

`Alive!  No, of course not,' replied Bert with a superior air.  `It's
a show, like they have at the Hippodrome or the Circus.'

`How big is it?'

`Not very big: it's made out of a sugar-box.  I made it myself.  It's
not quite finished yet, but I shall get it done this week.  There's a
band as well, you know.  I do that part with this.'

`This' was a large mouth organ which he produced from the inner pocket
of his coat.

`Play something now.'

Bert accordingly played, and Frankie sang at the top of his voice a
selection of popular songs, including `The Old Bull and Bush', `Has
Anyone seen a German Band?', `Waiting at the Church' and finally -
possibly as a dirge for the individual whose coffin-plate Owen was
writing - `Goodbye, Mignonette' and `I wouldn't leave my little wooden
hut for you'.

`You don't know what's in that,' said Frankie, referring to a large
earthenware bread-pan which Nora had just asked Owen to help her to
lift from the floor on to one of the chairs.  The vessel in question
was covered with a clean white cloth.

`Christmas pudding,' replied Bert, promptly.

`Guessed right first time!' cried Frankie.  `We got the things out of
the Christmas Club on Saturday.  We've been paying in ever since last
Christmas.  We're going to mix it now, and you can have a stir too if
you like, for luck.'

Whilst they were stirring the pudding, Frankie several times requested
the others to feel his muscle: he said he felt sure that he would soon
be strong enough to go out to work, and he explained to Bert that the
extraordinary strength he possessed was to be attributed to the fact
that he lived almost exclusively on porridge and milk.

For the rest of the week, Owen continued to work down at the yard with
Sawkins, Crass, and Slynie, painting some of the ladders, steps and
other plant belonging to the firm.  These things had to have two coats
of paint and the name Rushton & Co. written on them.  As soon as they
had got some of them second-coated, Owen went on with the writing,
leaving the painting for the others, so as to share the work as fairly
as possible.  Several times during the week one or other of them was
taken away to do some other work; once Crass and Slyme had to go and
wash off and whiten a ceiling somewhere, and several times Sawkins was
sent out to assist the plumbers.

Every day some of the men who had been `stood off' called at the yard
to ask if any other `jobs' had `come in'.  From these callers they
heard all the news.  Old Jack Linden had not succeeded in getting
anything to do at the trade since he was discharged from Rushton's,
and it was reported that he was trying to earn a little money by
hawking bloaters from house to house.  As for Philpot, he said that he
had been round to nearly all the firms in the town and none of them
had any work to speak of.

Newman - the man whom the reader will remember was sacked for taking
too much pains with his work - had been arrested and sentenced to a
month's imprisonment because he had not been able to pay his poor
rates, and the Board of Guardians were allowing his wife three
shillings a week to maintain herself and the three children.  Philpot
had been to see them, and she told him that the landlord was
threatening to turn them into the street; he would have seized their
furniture and sold it if it had been worth the expense of the doing.

`I feel ashamed of meself,' Philpot added in confidence to Owen, `when
I think of all the money I chuck away on beer.  If it wasn't for that,
I shouldn't be in such a hole meself now, and I might be able to lend
'em a 'elpin' 'and.'

`It ain't so much that I likes the beer, you know,' he continued;
`it's the company.  When you ain't got no 'ome, in a manner o'
speakin', like me, the pub's about the only place where you can get a
little enjoyment.  But you ain't very welcome there unless you spends
your money.'

`Is the three shillings all they have to live on?'

`I think she goes out charin' when she can get it,' replied Philpot,
`but I don't see as she can do a great deal o' that with three young
'uns to look after, and from what I hear of it she's only just got
over a illness and ain't fit to do much.'

`My God!' said Owen.

`I'll tell you what,' said Philpot.  `I've been thinking we might get
up a bit of a subscription for 'em.  There's several chaps in work
what knows Newman, and if they was each to give a trifle we could get
enough to pay for a Christmas dinner, anyway.  I've brought a sheet of
foolscap with me, and I was goin' to ask you to write out the heading
for me.'

As there was no pen available at the workshop, Philpot waited till
four o'clock and then accompanied Owen home, where the heading of the
list was written.  Owen put his name down for a shilling and Philpot
his for a similar amount.

Philpot stayed to tea and accepted an invitation to spend Christmas
Day with them, and to come to Frankie's party on the Monday after.

The next morning Philpot brought the list to the yard and Crass and
Slyme put their names down for a shilling each, and Sawkins for
threepence, it being arranged that the money was to be paid on payday -
Christmas Eve.  In the meantime, Philpot was to see as many as he
could of those who were in work, at other firms and get as many
subscriptions as possible.

At pay-time on Christmas Eve Philpot turned up with the list and Owen
and the others paid him the amounts they had put their names down for.
From other men he had succeeded in obtaining nine and sixpence, mostly
in sixpences and threepences.  Some of this money he had already
received, but for the most part he had made appointments with the
subscribers to call at their homes that evening.  It was decided that
Owen should accompany him and also go with him to hand over the money
to Mrs Newman.

It took them nearly three hours to get in all the money, for the
places they had to go to were in different localities, and in one or
two cases they had to wait because their man had not yet come home,
and sometimes it was not possible to get away without wasting a little
time in talk.  In three instances those who had put their names down
for threepence increased the amount to sixpence and one who had
promised sixpence gave a shilling.  There were two items of threepence
each which they did not get at all, the individuals who had put their
names down having gone upon the drunk.  Another cause of delay was
that they met or called on several other men who had not yet been
asked for a subscription, and there were several others - including
some members of the Painters Society whom Owen had spoken to during
the week - who had promised him to give a subscription.  In the end
they succeeded in increasing the total amount to nineteen and
ninepence, and they then put three-halfpence each to make it up to a

The Newmans lived in a small house the rent of which was six shillings
per week and taxes.  To reach the house one had to go down a dark and
narrow passage between two shops, the house being in a kind of well,
surrounded by the high walls of the back parts of larger buildings -
chiefly business premises and offices.  The air did not circulate very
freely in this place, and the rays of the sun never reached it.  In
the summer the atmosphere was close and foul with the various odours
which came from the back-yards of the adjoining buildings, and in the
winter it was dark and damp and gloomy, a culture-ground for bacteria
and microbes.  The majority of those who profess to be desirous of
preventing and curing the disease called consumption must be either
hypocrites or fools, for they ridicule the suggestion that it is
necessary first to cure and prevent the poverty that compels badly
clothed and half-starved human beings to sleep in such dens as this.

The front door opened into the living-room or, rather, kitchen, which
was dimly lighted by a small paraffin lamp on the table, where were
also some tea-cups and saucers, each of a different pattern, and the
remains of a loaf of bread.  The wallpaper was old and discoloured; a
few almanacs and unframed prints were fixed to the walls, and on the
mantelshelf were some cracked and worthless vases and ornaments.  At
one time they had possessed a clock and an overmantel and some framed
pictures, but they had all been sold to obtain money to buy food.
Nearly everything of any value had been parted with for the same
reason - the furniture, the pictures, the bedclothes, the carpet and
the oilcloth, piece by piece, nearly everything that had once
constituted the home - had been either pawned or sold to buy food or
to pay rent during the times when Newman was out of work - periods
that had recurred during the last few years with constantly increasing
frequency and duration.  Now there was nothing left but these few old
broken chairs and the deal table which no one would buy; and upstairs,
the wretched bedsteads and mattresses whereon they slept at night,
covering themselves with worn-out remnants of blankets and the clothes
they wore during the day.

In answer to Philpot's knock, the door was opened by a little girl
about seven years old, who at once recognized Philpot, and called out
his name to her mother, and the latter came also to the door, closely
followed by two other children, a little, fragile-looking girl about
three, and a boy about five years of age, who held on to her skirt and
peered curiously at the visitors.  Mrs Newman was about thirty, and
her appearance confirmed the statement of Philpot that she had only
just recovered from an illness; she was very white and thin and
dejected-looking.  When Philpot explained the object of their visit
and handed her the money, the poor woman burst into tears, and the two
smaller children - thinking that this piece of paper betokened some
fresh calamity - began to cry also.  They remembered that all their
troubles had been preceded by the visits of men who brought pieces of
paper, and it was rather difficult to reassure them.

That evening, after Frankie was asleep, Owen and Nora went out to do
their Christmas marketing.  They had not much money to spend, for Owen
had brought home only seventeen shillings.  He had worked thirty-three
hours - that came to nineteen and threepence - one shilling and
threehalfpence had gone on the subscription list, and he had given the
rest of the coppers to a ragged wreck of a man who was singing a hymn
in the street.  The other shilling had been deducted from his wages in
repayment of a `sub' he had had during the week.

There was a great deal to be done with this seventeen shillings.
First of all there was the rent - seven shillings - that left ten.
Then there was the week's bread bill - one and threepence.  They had a
pint of milk every day, chiefly for the boy's sake - that came to one
and two.  Then there was one and eight for a hundredweight of coal
that had been bought on credit.  Fortunately, there were no groceries
to buy, for the things they had obtained with their Christmas Club
money would be more than sufficient for the ensuing week.

Frankie's stockings were all broken and beyond mending, so it was
positively necessary to buy him another pair for fivepence
three-farthings.  These stockings were not much good - a pair at
double the price would have been much cheaper, for they would have
lasted three or four times longer; but they could not afford to buy
the dearer kind.  It was just the same with the coal: if they had been
able to afford it, they could have bought a ton of the same class of
coal for twenty-six shillings, but buying it as they did, by the
hundredweight, they had to pay at the rate of thirty-three shillings
and fourpence a ton.  It was just the same with nearly everything
else.  This is how the working classes are robbed.  Although their
incomes are the lowest, they are compelled to buy the most expensive
articles - that is, the lowest-priced articles.  Everybody knows that
good clothes, boots or furniture are really the cheapest in the end,
although they cost more money at first; but the working classes can
seldom or never afford to buy good things; they have to buy cheap
rubbish which is dear at any price.

Six weeks previously Owen bought a pair of second-hand boots for three
shillings and they were now literally falling to pieces.  Nora's shoes
were in much the same condition, but, as she said, it did not matter
so much about hers because there was no need for her to go out if the
weather were not fine.

In addition to the articles already mentioned, they had to spend
fourpence for half a gallon of paraffin oil, and to put sixpence into
the slot of the gas-stove.  This reduced the money to five and
sevenpence farthing, and of this it was necessary to spend a shilling
on potatoes and other vegetables.

They both needed some new underclothing, for what they had was so old
and worn that it was quite useless for the purpose it was supposed to
serve; but there was no use thinking of these things, for they had now
only four shillings and sevenpence farthing left, and all that would
be needed for toys.  They had to buy something special for Frankie for
Christmas, and it would also be necessary to buy something for each of
the children who were coming to the party on the following Monday.
Fortunately, there was no meat to buy, for Nora had been paying into
the Christmas Club at the butcher's as well as at the grocer's.  So
this necessary was already paid for.

They stopped to look at the display of toys at Sweater's Emporium.
For several days past Frankie had been talking of the wonders
contained in these windows, so they wished if possible to buy him
something here.  They recognized many of the things from the
description the boy had given of them, but nearly everything was so
dear that for a long time they looked in vain for something it would
be possible to buy.

`That's the engine he talks so much about,' said Non, indicating a
model railway locomotive; that one marked five shillings.'

`It might just as well be marked five pounds as far as we're
concerned,' replied Owen.

As they were speaking, one of the salesmen appeared at the back of the
window and, reaching forward, removed the engine.  It was probably the
last one of the kind and had evidently just been sold.  Owen and Nora
experienced a certain amount of consolation in knowing that even if
they had the money they would not have been able to buy it.

After lengthy consideration, they decided on a clockwork engine at a
shilling, but the other toys they resolved to buy at a cheaper shop.
Nora went into the Emporium to get the toy and whilst Owen was waiting
for her Mr and Mrs Rushton came out.  They did not appear to see Owen,
who observed that the shape of one of several parcels they carried
suggested that it contained the engine that had been taken from the
window a little while before.

When Nora returned with her purchase, they went in search of a cheaper
place and after a time they found what they wanted.  For sixpence they
bought a cardboard box that had come all the way from Japan and
contained a whole family of dolls - father, mother and four children
of different sizes.  A box of paints, threepence: a sixpenny tea
service, a threepenny drawing slate, and a rag doll, sixpence.

On their way home they called at a greengrocer's where Owen had
ordered and paid for a small Christmas tree a few weeks before; and as
they were turning the corner of the street where they lived they met
Crass, half-drunk, with a fine fat goose slung over his shoulder by
its neck.  He greeted Owen jovially and held up the bird for their

`Not a bad tanner's-worth, eh?' he hiccoughed.  `This makes two we've
got.  I won this and a box of cigars - fifty - for a tanner, and the
other one I got out of the Club at our Church Mission 'all: threepence
a week for twenty-eight weeks; that makes seven bob.  But,' he added,
confidentially,`'you couldn't buy 'em for that price in a shop, you
know.  They costs the committee a good bit more nor that - wholesale;
but we've got some rich gents on our committee and they makes up the
difference,' and with a nod and a cunning leer he lurched off.

Frankie was sleeping soundly when they reached home, and so was the
kitten, which was curled up on the quilt on the foot of the bed.
After they had had some supper, although it was after eleven o'clock,
Owen fixed the tree in a large flower-pot that had served a similar
purpose before, and Nora brought out from the place where it had been
stored away since last Christmas a cardboard box containing a lot of
glittering tinsel ornaments - globes of silvered or gilded or painted
glass, birds, butterflies and stars.  Some of these things had done
duty three Christmases ago and although they were in some instances
slightly tarnished most of them were as good as new.  In addition to
these and the toys they had bought that evening they had a box of
bon-bons and a box of small coloured wax candles, both of which had
formed part of the things they got from the grocer's with the
Christmas Club money; and there were also a lot of little coloured
paper bags of sweets, and a number of sugar and chocolate toys and
animals which had been bought two or three at a time for several weeks
past and put away for this occasion.  There was something suitable for
each child that was coming, with the exception of Bert White; they had
intended to include a sixpenny pocket knife for him in their purchases
that evening, but as they had not been able to afford this Owen
decided to give him an old set of steel paining combs which he knew
the lad had often longed to possess.  The tin case containing these
tools was accordingly wrapped in some red tissue paper and hung on the
tree with the other things.

They moved about as quietly as possible so as not to disturb those who
were sleeping in the rooms beneath, because long before they were
finished the people in the other parts of the house had all retired to
rest, and silence had fallen on the deserted streets outside.  As they
were putting the final touches to their work the profound stillness of
the night was suddenly broken by the voices of a band of carol-

The sound overwhelmed them with memories of other and happier times,
and Nora stretched out her hands impulsively to Owen, who drew her
close to his side.

They had been married just over eight years, and although during all
that time they had never been really free from anxiety for the future,
yet on no previous Christmas had they been quite so poor as now.
During the last few years periods of unemployment had gradually become
more frequent and protracted, and the attempt he had made in the early
part of the year to get work elsewhere had only resulted in plunging
them into even greater poverty than before.  But all the same there
was much to be thankful for: poor though they were, they were far
better off than many thousands of others: they still had food and
shelter, and they had each other and the boy.

Before they went to bed Owen carried the tree into Frankie's bedroom
and placed it so that he would be able to see it in all its glittering
glory as soon as he awoke on Christmas morning.

Chapter 29

The Pandorama

Although the party was not supposed to begin till six o'clock, Bert
turned up at half past four, bringing the `Pandoramer' with him.

At about half past five the other guests began to arrive.  Elsie and
Charley Linden came first, the girl in a pretty blue frock trimmed
with white lace, and Charley resplendent in a new suit, which, like
his sister's dress, had been made out of somebody's cast-off clothes
that had been given to their mother by a visiting lady.  It had taken
Mrs Linden many hours of hard work to contrive these garments; in
fact, more time than the things were worth, for although they looked
all right - especially Elsie's - the stuff was so old that it would
not wear very long: but this was the only way in which she could get
clothes for the children at all: she certainly could not afford to buy
them any.  So she spent hours and hours making things that she knew
would fall to pieces almost as soon as they were made.

After these came Nellie, Rosie and Tommy Newman.  These presented a
much less prosperous appearance than the other two.  Their mother was
not so skilful at contriving new clothes out of old.  Nellie was
wearing a grown-up woman's blouse, and by way of ulster she had on an
old-fashioned jacket of thick cloth with large pearl buttons.  This
was also a grown-up woman's garment: it was shaped to fit the figure
of a tall woman with wide shoulders and a small waist; consequently,
it did not fit Nellie to perfection.  The waist reached below the poor
child's hips.

Tommy was arrayed in the patched remains of what had once been a good
suit of clothes.  They had been purchased at a second-hand shop last
summer and had been his `best' for several months, but they were now
much too small for him.

Little Rosie - who was only just over three years old - was better off
than either of the other two, for she had a red cloth dress that
fitted her perfectly: indeed, as the district visitor who gave it to
her mother had remarked, it looked as if it had been made for her.

`It's not much to look at,' observed Nellie, referring to her big
jacket, but all the same we was very glad of it when the rain came

The coat was so big that by withdrawing her arms from the sleeves and
using it as a cloak or shawl she had managed to make it do for all
three of them.

Tommy's boots were so broken that the wet had got in and saturated his
stockings, so Nora made him take them all off and wear some old ones
of Frankie's whilst his own were drying at the fire.

Philpot, with two large paper bags full of oranges and nuts, arrived
just as they were sitting down to tea - or rather cocoa - for with the
exception of Bert all the children expressed a preference for the
latter beverage.  Bert would have liked to have cocoa also, but
hearing that the grown-ups were going to have tea, he thought it would
be more manly to do the same.  This question of having tea or cocoa
for tea became a cause of much uproarious merriment on the part of the
children, who asked each other repeatedly which they liked best, `tea
tea?' or `cocoa tea?'  They thought it so funny that they said it over
and over again, screaming with laughter all the while, until Tommy got
a piece of cake stuck in his throat and became nearly black in the
face, and then Philpot had to turn him upside down and punch him in
the back to save him from choking to death.  This rather sobered the
others, but for some time afterwards whenever they looked at each
other they began to laugh afresh because they thought it was such a
good joke.

When they had filled themselves up with the `cocoa-tea' and cakes and
bread and jam, Elsie Linden and Nellie Newman helped to clear away the
cups and saucers, and then Owen lit the candles on the Christmas tree
and distributed the toys to the children, and a little while
afterwards Philpot - who had got a funny-looking mask out of one of
the bon-bons - started a fine game pretending to be a dreadful wild
animal which he called a Pandroculus, and crawling about on all fours,
rolled his goggle eyes and growled out he must have a little boy or
girl to eat for his supper.

He looked so terrible that although they knew it was only a joke they
were almost afraid of him, and ran away laughing and screaming to
shelter themselves behind Nora or Owen; but all the same, whenever
Philpot left off playing, they entreated him to `be it again', and so
he had to keep on being a Pandroculus, until exhaustion compelled him
to return to his natural form.

After this they all sat round the table and had a game of cards;
`Snap', they called it, but nobody paid much attention to the rules of
the game: everyone seemed to think that the principal thing to do was
to kick up as much row as possible.  After a while Philpot suggested a
change to `Beggar my neighbour', and won quite a lot of cards before
they found out that he had hidden all the jacks in the pocket of his
coat, and then they mobbed him for a cheat.  He might have been
seriously injured if it had not been for Bert, who created a diversion
by standing on a chair and announcing that he was about to introduce
to their notice `Bert White's World-famed Pandorama' as exhibited
before all the nobility and crowned heads of Europe, England, Ireland
and Scotland, including North America and Wales.

Loud cheers greeted the conclusion of Bert's speech.  The box was
placed on the table, which was then moved to the end of the room, and
the chairs were ranged in two rows in front.

The `Pandorama' consisted of a stage-front made of painted cardboard
and fixed on the front of a wooden box about three feet long by two
feet six inches high, and about one foot deep from back to front.  The
`Show' was a lot of pictures cut out of illustrated weekly papers and
pasted together, end to end, so as to form a long strip or ribbon.
Bert had coloured all the pictures with water-colours.

Just behind the wings of the stage-front at each end of the box - was
an upright roller, and the long strip of pictures was rolled up on
this.  The upper ends of the rollers came through the top of the box
and had handles attached to them.  When these handles were turned the
pictures passed across the stage, unrolling from one roller and
rolling on to the other, and were illuminated by the light of three
candles placed behind.

The idea of constructing this machine had been suggested to Bert by a
panorama entertainment he had been to see some time before.

`The Style of the decorations,' he remarked, alluding to the painted
stage-front, 'is Moorish.'

He lit the candles at the back of the stage and, having borrowed a
tea-tray from Nora, desired the audience to take their seats.  When
they had all done so, he requested Owen to put out the lamp and the
candles on the tree, and then he made another speech, imitating the
manner of the lecturer at the panorama entertainment before mentioned.

`Ladies and Gentlemen: with your kind permission I am about to
hinterduce to your notice some pitchers of events in different parts
of the world.  As each pitcher appears on the stage I will give a
short explanation of the subject, and afterwards the band will play a
suitable collection of appropriated music, consisting of hymns and all
the latest and most popular songs of the day, and the audience is
kindly requested to join in the chorus.

`Our first scene,' continued Bert as he turned the handles and brought
the picture into view, `represents the docks at Southampton; the
magnificent steamer which you see lying alongside the shore is the
ship which is waiting to take us to foreign parts.  As we have already
paid our fare, we will now go on board and set sail.'

As an accompaniment to this picture Bert played the tune of `Goodbye,
Dolly, I must leave you', and by the time the audience had  finished
singing the chorus he had rolled on another scene, which depicted a
dreadful storm at sea, with a large ship evidently on the point of
foundering.  The waves were running mountains high and the inky clouds
were riven by forked lightning.  To increase the terrifying effect,
Bert rattled the tea tray and played `The Bay of Biscay', and the
children sung the chorus whilst he rolled the next picture into view.
This scene showed the streets of a large city; mounted police with
drawn swords were dispersing a crowd: several men had been ridden down
and were being trampled under the hoofs of the horses, and a number of
others were bleeding profusely from wounds on the head and face.

`After a rather stormy passage we arrives safely at the beautiful city
of Berlin, in Germany, just in time to see a procession of unemployed
workmen being charged by the military police.  This picture is
hintitled "Tariff Reform means Work for All".'

As an appropriate musical selection Bert played the tune of a
well-known song, and the children sang the words:

        `To be there! to be there!
        Oh, I knew what it was to be there!
        And when they tore me clothes,
        Blacked me eyes and broke me nose,
        Then I knew what it was to be there!'

During the singing Bert turned the handles backwards and again brought
on the picture of the storm at sea.

`As we don't want to get knocked on the 'ed, we clears out of Berlin
as soon as we can - whiles we're safe - and once more embarks on our
gallint ship' and after a few more turns of the 'andle we finds
ourselves back once more in Merry Hingland, where we see the inside of
a blacksmith's shop with a lot of half-starved women making iron
chains.  They work seventy hours a week for seven shillings.  Our next
scene is hintitled "The Hook and Eye Carders".  'Ere we see the inside
of a room in Slumtown, with a mother and three children and the old
grandmother sewin' hooks and eyes on cards to be sold in drapers'
shops.  It ses underneath the pitcher that 384 hooks and 384 eyes has
to be joined together and sewed on cards for one penny.'

While this picture was being rolled away the band played and the
children sang with great enthusiasm:

        `Rule, Brittania, Brittania rules the waves!
        Britons, never, never, never shall be slaves!'

`Our next picture is called "An Englishman's Home".  'Ere we see the
inside of another room in Slumtown, with the father and mother and
four children sitting down to dinner - bread and drippin' and tea.  It
ses underneath the pitcher that there's Thirteen millions of people in
England always on the verge of starvation.  These people that you see
in the pitcher might be able to get a better dinner than this if it
wasn't that most of the money wot the bloke earns 'as to pay the rent.
Again we turns the 'andle and presently we comes to another very
beautiful scene - "Early Morning in Trafalgar Square".  'Ere we see a
lot of Englishmen who have been sleepin' out all night because they
ain't got no 'omes to go to.'

As a suitable selection for this picture, Bert played the tune of a
music-hall song, the words of which were familiar to all the
youngsters, who sang at the top of their voices:

        `I live in Trafalgar Square,
        With four lions to guard me,
        Pictures and statues all over the place,
        Lord Nelson staring me straight in the face,
        Of course it's rather draughty,
        But still I'm sure you'll agree,
        If it's good enough for Lord Nelson,
        It's quite good enough for me.'

`Next we 'ave a view of the dining-hall at the Topside Hotel in
London, where we see the tables set for a millionaires' banquet.  The
forks and spoons is made of solid gold and the plates is made of
silver.  The flowers that you see on the tables and 'angin' down from
the ceilin' and on the walls is worth 2,000 and it cost the bloke wot
give the supper over 30,000 for this one beano.  A few more turns of
the 'andle shows us another glorious banquet - the King of Rhineland
being entertained by the people of England.  Next we finds ourselves
looking on at the Lord Mayor's supper at the Mansion House.  All the
fat men that you see sittin' at the tables is Liberal and Tory Members
of Parlimint.  After this we 'ave a very beautiful pitcher hintitled
"Four footed Haristocrats".  'Ere you see Lady Slumrent's pet dogs
sittin' up on chairs at their dinner table with white linen napkins
tied round their necks, eatin' orf silver plates like human people and
being waited on by real live waiters in hevening dress.  Lady Slumrent
is very fond of her pretty pets and she does not allow them to be fed
on anything but the very best food; they gets chicken, rump steak,
mutton chops, rice pudding, jelly and custard.'

`I wished I was a pet dog, don't you?' remarked Tommy Newman to
Charley Linden.

`Not arf!' replied Charley.

`Here we see another unemployed procession,' continued Bert as he
rolled another picture into sight; `2,000 able-bodied men who are not
allowed to work.  Next we see the hinterior of a Hindustrial 'Ome -
Blind children and cripples working for their living.  Our next scene
is called "Cheap Labour".  'Ere we see a lot of small boys about
twelve and thirteen years old bein' served out with their Labour
Stifficats, which gives 'em the right to go to work and earn money to
help their unemployed fathers to pay the slum rent.

`Once more we turns the 'andle and brings on one of our finest scenes.
This lovely pitcher is hintitled "The Hangel of Charity", and shows us
the beautiful Lady Slumrent seated at the table in a cosy corner of
'er charmin' boodore, writin' out a little cheque for the relief of
the poor of Slumtown.

`Our next scene is called "The Rival Candidates, or, a Scene during
the General Election".  On the left you will observe, standin' up in a
motor car, a swell bloke with a eyeglass stuck in one eye, and a
overcoat with a big fur collar and cuffs, addressing the crowd: this
is the Honourable Augustus Slumrent, the Conservative candidate.  On
the other side of the road we see another motor car and another swell
bloke with a round pane of glass in one eye and a overcoat with a big
fur collar and cuffs, standing up in the car and addressin' the crowd.
This is Mr Mandriver, the Liberal candidate.  The crowds of shabby-
lookin' chaps standin' round the motor cars wavin' their 'ats and
cheerin' is workin' men.  Both the candidates is tellin' 'em the same
old story, and each of 'em is askin' the workin' men to elect 'im to
Parlimint, and promisin' to do something or other to make things
better for the lower horders.'

As an appropriate selection to go with this picture, Bert played the
tune of a popular song, the words being well known to the children,
who sang enthusiastically, clapping their hands and stamping their
feet on the floor in time with the music:

        `We've both been there before,
        Many a time, many a time!
        We've both been there before,
        Many a time!
        Where many a gallon of beer has gone.
        To colour his nose and mine,
        We've both been there before,
        Many a time, many a time!'

At the conclusion of the singing, Bert turned another picture into

`'Ere we 'ave another election scene.  At each side we see the two
candidates the same as in the last pitcher.  In the middle of the road
we see a man lying on the ground, covered with blood, with a lot of
Liberal and Tory working men kickin' 'im, jumpin' on 'im, and stampin'
on 'is face with their 'obnailed boots.  The bloke on the ground is a
Socialist, and the reason why they're kickin' 'is face in is because
'e said that the only difference between Slumrent and Mandriver was
that they was both alike.'

While the audience were admiring this picture, Bert played another
well-known tune, and the children sang the words:

        `Two lovely black eyes,
        Oh what a surprise!
        Only for telling a man he was wrong,
        Two lovely black eyes.'

Bert continued to turn the handles of the rollers and a long
succession of pictures passed across the stage, to the delight of the
children, who cheered and sang as occasion demanded, but the most
enthusiastic outburst of all greeted the appearance of the final
picture, which was a portrait of the King.  Directly the children saw
it - without waiting for the band - they gave three cheers and began
to sing the chorus of the National Anthem.

A round of applause for Bert concluded the Pandorama performance; the
lamp and the candles of the Christmas tree were relit - for although
all the toys had been taken off, the tree still made a fine show with
the shining glass ornaments - and then they had some more games; blind
man's buff, a tug-of-war - in which Philpot was defeated with great
laughter - and a lot of other games.  And when they were tired of
these, each child `said a piece' or sung a song, learnt specially for
the occasion.  The only one who had not come prepared in this respect
was little Rosie, and even she - so as to be the same as the others -
insisted on reciting the only piece she knew.  Kneeling on the
hearthrug, she put her hands together, palm to palm, and shutting her
eyes very tightly she repeated the verse she always said every night
before going to bed:

        `Gentle Jesus, meek and mild,
        Look on me, a little child.
        Pity my simplicity,
        Suffer me to come to Thee.'

Then she stood up and kissed everyone in turn, and Philpot crossed
over and began looking out of the window, and coughed, and blew his
nose, because a nut that he had been eating had gone down the wrong

Most of them were by this time quite tired out, so after some supper
the party broke up.  Although they were nearly all very sleepy, none
of them were very willing to go, but they were consoled by the thought
of another entertainment to which they were going later on in the
week - the Band of Hope Tea and Prize Distribution at the Shining
Light Chapel.

Bert undertook to see Elsie and Charley safely home, and Philpot
volunteered to accompany Nellie and Tommy Newman, and to carry Rosie,
who was so tired that she fell asleep on his shoulder before they left
the house.

As they were going down the stairs Frankie held a hurried consultation
with his mother, with the result that he was able to shout after them
an invitation to come again next Christmas.

Chapter 30

The Brigands hold a Council of War

It being now what is usually called the festive season - possibly
because at this period of the year a greater number of people are
suffering from hunger and cold than at any other time - the reader
will not be surprised at being invited to another little party which
took place on the day after the one we have just left.  The scene was
Mr Sweater's office.  Mr Sweater was seated at his desk, but with his
chair swung round to enable him to face his guests - Messrs Rushton,
Didlum, and Grinder, who were also seated.

`Something will 'ave to be done, and that very soon,' Grinder was
saying.  `We can't go on much longer as we're doing at present.  For
my part, I think the best thing to do is to chuck up the sponge at
once; the company is practically bankrupt now, and the longer we waits
the worser it will be.'

`That's just my opinion,' said Didlum dejectedly.  `If we could supply
the electric light at the same price as gas, or a little cheaper, we
might have some chance; but we can't do it.  The fact is that the
machinery we've got is no dam good; it's too small and it's wore out,
consequently the light we supply is inferior to gas and costs more.'

`Yes, I think we're fairly beaten this time,' said Rushton.  `Why,
even if the Gas Coy hadn't moved their works beyond the borough
boundary, still we shouldn't 'ave been hable to compete with 'em.'

`Of course not,' said Grinder.  `The truth of the matter is just wot
Didlum says.  Our machinery is too small, it's worn hout, and good for
nothing but to be throwed on the scrap-heap.  So there's only one
thing left to do and that is - go into liquidation.'

`I don't see it,' remarked Sweater.

`Well, what do you propose, then?' demanded Grinder.  `Reconstruct the
company?  Ask the shareholders for more money?  Pull down the works
and build fresh, and buy some new machinery?  And then most likely not
make a do of it after all?  Not for me, old chap!  I've 'ad enough.
You won't catch me chuckin' good money after bad in that way.'

`Nor me neither,' said Rushton.

`Dead orf!' remarked Didlum, very decidedly.

Sweater laughed quietly.  `I'm not such a fool as to suggest anything
of that sort,' he said.  `You seem to forget that I am one of the
largest shareholders myself.  No.  What I propose is that we Sell

`Sell out!' replied Grinder with a contemptuous laugh in which the
others joined.  `Who's going to buy the shares of a concern that's
practically bankrupt and never paid a dividend?'

`I've tried to sell my little lot several times already,' said Didlum
with a sickly smile, `but nobody won't buy 'em.'

`Who's to buy?' repeated Sweater, replying to Grinder.  `The
municipality of course!  The ratepayers.  Why shouldn't Mugsborough go
in for Socialism as well as other towns?'

Rushton, Didlum and Grinder fairly gasped for breath: the audacity of
the chief's proposal nearly paralysed them.

`I'm afraid we should never git away with it,' ejaculated Didlum, as
soon as he could speak.  `When the people tumbled to it, there'd be no
hend of a row.'

`PEOPLE!  ROW!' replied Sweater, scornfully.  `The majority of the
people will never know anything about it! Listen to me -'

`Are you quite sure as we can't be over'eard?' interrupted Rushton,
glancing nervously at the door and round the office.

`It's all right,' answered Sweater, who nevertheless lowered his voice
almost to a whisper, and the others drew their chairs closer and bent
forward to listen.

`You know we still have a little money in hand: well, what I propose
is this: At the annual meeting, which, as you know, comes off next
week, we'll arrange for the Secretary to read a highly satisfactory
report, and we'll declare a dividend of 15 per cent - we can arrange
it somehow between us.  Of course, we'll have to cook the accounts a
little, but I'll see that it's done properly.  The other shareholders
are not going to ask any awkward questions, and we all understand each

Sweater paused, and regarded the other three brigands intently.  `Do
you follow me?' he asked.

`Yes, yes,' said Didlum eagerly.  `Go on with it.'  And Rushton and
Grinder nodded assent.

`Afterwards,' resumed Sweater, `I'll arrange for a good report of the
meeting to appear in the Weekly Ananias.  I'll instruct the Editor to
write it himself, and I'll tell him just what to say.  I'll also get
him to write a leading article about it, saying that electricity is
sure to supersede gas for lighting purposes in the very near future.
Then the article will go on to refer to the huge profits made by the
Gas Coy and to say how much better it would have been if the town had
bought the gasworks years ago, so that those profits might have been
used to reduce the rates, the same as has been done in other towns.
Finally, the article will declare that it's a great pity that the
Electric Light Supply should be in the hands of a private company, and
to suggest that an effort be made to acquire it for the town.

`In the meantime we can all go about - in a very quiet and judicious
way, of course - bragging about what a good thing we've got, and
saying we don't mean to sell.  We shall say that we've overcome all
the initial expenses and difficulties connected with the installation
of the works - that we are only just beginning to reap the reward of
our industry and enterprise, and so on.

`Then,' continued the Chief, `we can arrange for it to be proposed in
the Council that the Town should purchase the Electric Light Works.'

`But not by one of us four, you know,' said Grinder with a cunning

`Certainly not; that would give the show away at once.  There are, as
you know - several members of the Band who are not shareholders in the
company; we'll get some of them to do most of the talking.  We, being
the directors of the company, must pretend to be against selling, and
stick out for our own price; and when we do finally consent we must
make out that we are sacrificing our private interests for the good of
the Town.  We'll get a committee appointed - we'll have an expert
engineer down from London - I know a man that will suit our purpose
admirably - we'll pay him a trifle and he'll say whatever we tell him
to - and we'll rush the whole business through before you can say
"Jack Robinson", and before the rate-payers have time to realize
what's being done.  Not that we need worry ourselves much about them.
Most of them take no interest in public affairs, but even if there is
something said, it won't matter much to us once we've got the money.
It'll be a nine days' wonder and then we'll hear no more of it.'

As the Chief ceased speaking, the other brigands also remained silent,
speechless with admiration of his cleverness.

`Well, what do you think of it?' he asked.

`Think of it!' cried Grinder, enthusiastically.  `I think it's
splendid!  Nothing could be better.  If we can honly git away with it,
I reckon it'll be one of the smartest thing we've ever done.'

`Smart ain't the word for it,' observed Rushton.

`There's no doubt it's a grand idear!' exclaimed Didlum, `and I've
just thought of something else that might be done to help it along.
We could arrange to 'ave a lot of letters sent "To the Editor of the
Obscurer" and "To the Editor of the Ananias," and "To the Editor of
the Weekly Chloroform" in favour of the scheme.'

`Yes, that's a very good idea,' said Grinder.  `For that matter the
editors could write them to themselves and sign them "Progress",
"Ratepayer", "Advance Mugsborough", and sich-like.'

`Yes, that's all right,' said the Chief, thoughtfully, `but we must be
careful not to overdo it; of course there will have to be a certain
amount of publicity, but we don't want to create too much interest in
`Come to think of it,' observed Rushton arrogantly, `why should we
trouble ourselves about the opinion of the ratepayers at all?  Why
should we trouble to fake the books, or declare a dividend or 'ave the
harticles in the papers or anything else?  We've got the game in our
own 'ands; we've got a majority in the Council, and, as Mr Sweater
ses, very few people even take the trouble to read the reports of the

`Yes, that's right enough,' said Grinder.  `But it's just them few wot
would make a lot of trouble and talk; THEY'RE the very people we 'as
to think about.  If we can only manage to put THEM in a fog we'll be
all right, and the way to do it is as Mr Sweater proposes.'

`Yes, I think so,' said the Chief.  `We must be very careful.  I can
work it all right in the Ananias and the Chloroform, and of course
you'll see that the Obscurer backs us up.'

`I'll take care of that,' said Grinder, grimly.

The three local papers were run by limited companies.  Sweater held
nearly all the shares of the Ananias and of the Weekly Chloroform, and
controlled their policy and contents.  Grinder occupied the same
position with regard to the Obscurer.  The editors were a sort of
marionettes who danced as Sweater and Grinder pulled the strings.

`I wonder how Dr Weakling will take it?' remarked Rushton.

`That's the very thing I was just thinkin' about,' cried Didlum.
`Don't you think it would be a good plan if we could arrange to 'ave
somebody took bad - you know, fall down in a fit or something in the
street just outside the Town 'All just before the matter is brought
forward in the Council, and then 'ave someone to come and call 'im out
to attend to the party wot's ill, and keep 'im out till the business
is done.'

`Yes, that's a capital idear,' said Grinder thoughtfully.  `But who
could we get to 'ave the fit?  It would 'ave to be someone we could
trust, you know.'

`'Ow about Rushton?  You wouldn't mind doin' it, would yer?' inquired

`I should strongly object,' said Rushton haughtily.  He regarded the
suggestion that he should act such an undignified part, as a kind of

`Then I'll do it meself if necessary,' said Didlum.  `I'm not proud
when there's money to be made; anything for an honest living.'

`Well, I think we're all agreed, so far,' remarked Sweater.  The
others signified assent.

`And I think we all deserve a drink,' the Chief continued, producing a
decanter and a box of cigars from a cupboard by the side of his desk.
`Pass that water bottle from behind you, Didlum.'

`I suppose nobody won't be comin' in?' said the latter, anxiously.
`I'm a teetotaler, you know.'

`Oh, it's all right,' said Sweater, taking four glasses out of the
cupboard and pouring out the whisky.  `I've given orders that we're
not to be disturbed for anyone.  Say when.'

`Well, 'ere's success to Socialism,' cried Grinder, raising his glass,
and taking a big drink.

`Amen - 'ear, 'ear, I mean,' said Didlum, hastily correcting himself.

`Wot I likes about this 'ere business is that we're not only doin'
ourselves a bit of good,' continued Grinder with a laugh, `we're not
only doin' ourselves a bit of good, but we're likewise doin' the
Socialists a lot of 'arm.  When the ratepayers 'ave bought the Works,
and they begins to kick up a row because they're losin' money over it -
we can tell 'em that it's Socialism!  And then they'll say that if
that's Socialism they don't want no more of it.'

The other brigands laughed gleefully, and some of Didlum's whisky went
down the wrong way and nearly sent him into a fit.

`You might as well kill a man at once,' he protested as he wiped the
tears from his eyes, `you might as well kill a man at once as choke
'im to death.'

`And now I've got a bit of good news for you,' said the Chief as he
put his empty glass down.

The others became serious at once.

`Although we've had a very rough time of it in our contest with the
Gasworks Company, and although we've got the worst of it, it hasn't
been all lavender for them, you know.  They've not enjoyed themselves
either: we hit them pretty hard when we put up the coal dues.'

`A damn good job too,' said Grinder malignantly.

`Well,' continued Sweater, `they're just as sick of the fight as they
want to be, because of course they don't know exactly how badly we've
been hit.  For all they know, we could have continued the struggle
indefinitely: and - well, to make a long story short, I've had a talk
with the managing director and one or two others, and they're willing
to let us in with them.  So that we can put the money we get for the
Electric Light Works into gas shares!'

This was such splendid news that they had another drink on the
strength of it, and Didlum said that one of the first things they
would have to do would be to totally abolish the Coal Dues, because
they pressed so hard on the poor.

Chapter 31

The Deserter

About the end of January, Slyme left Easton's.  The latter had not
succeeded in getting anything to do since the work at `The Cave' was
finished, and latterly the quality of the food had been falling off.
The twelve shillings Slyme paid for his board and lodging was all that
Ruth had to keep house with.  She had tried to get some work to do
herself, but generally without success; there were one or two jobs
that she might have had if she had been able to give her whole time to
them, but of course that was not possible; the child and the housework
had to be attended to, and Slyme's meals had to be prepared.
Nevertheless, she contrived to get away several times when she had a
chance of earning a few shillings by doing a day's charing for some
lady or other, and then she left everything in such order at home that
Easton was able to manage all right while she was away.  On these
occasions, she usually left the baby with Owen's wife, who was an old
schoolmate of hers.  Nora was the more willing to render her this
service because Frankie used to be so highly delighted whenever it
happened.  He never tired of playing with the child, and for several
days afterwards he used to worry his mother with entreaties to buy a
baby of their own.

Easton earned a few shillings occasionally; now and then he got a job
to clean windows, and once or twice he did a few days' or hours' work
with some other painter who had been fortunate enough to get a little
job `on his own' - such as a ceiling to wash and whiten, or a room or
two to paint; but such jobs were few.

Sometimes, when they were very hard up, they sold something; the Bible
that used to lie on the little table in the bay window was one of the
first things to be parted with.  Ruth erased the inscription from the
fly-leaf and then they sold the book at a second-hand shop for two
shillings.  As time went on, they sold nearly everything that was
saleable, except of course, the things that were obtained on the hire

Slyme could see that they were getting very much into debt and behind
with the rent, and on two occasions already Easton had borrowed five
shillings from him, which he might never be able to pay back.  Another
thing was that Slyme was always in fear that Ruth - who had never
wholly abandoned herself to wrongdoing - might tell Easton what had
happened; more than once she had talked of doing so, and the principal
reason why she refrained was that she knew that even if he forgave
her, he could never think the same of her as before.  Slyme repeatedly
urged this view upon her, pointing out that no good could result from
such a confession.

Latterly the house had become very uncomfortable.  It was not only
that the food was bad and that sometimes there was no fire, but Ruth
and Easton were nearly always quarrelling about something or other.
She scarcely spoke to Slyme at all, and avoided sitting at the table
with him whenever possible.  He was in constant dread that Easton
might notice her manner towards him, and seek for some explanation.
Altogether the situation was so unpleasant that Slyme determined to
clear out.  He made the excuse that he had been offered a few weeks'
work at a place some little distance outside the town.  After he was
gone they lived for several weeks in semi-starvation on what credit
they could get and by selling the furniture or anything else they
possessed that could be turned into money.  The things out of Slyme's
room were sold almost directly he left.

Chapter 32

The Veteran

Old Jack Linden had tried hard to earn a little money by selling
bloaters, but they often went bad, and even when he managed to sell
them all the profit was so slight that it was not worth doing.

Before the work at `The Cave' was finished, Philpot was a good friend
to them; he frequently gave old Jack sixpence or a shilling and often
brought a bag off cakes or buns for the children.  Sometimes he came
to tea with them on Sundays as an excuse for bringing a tin of

Elsie and Charley frequently went to Owen's house to take tea with
Frankie; in fact, whilst Owen had anything to do, they almost lived
there, for both Owen and Nora, knowing that the Lindens had nothing to
live on except the earnings of the young woman, encouraged the
children to come often.

Old Jack made some hopeless attempts to get work - work of any kind,
but nobody wanted him; and to make things worse, his eyesight, which
had been failing for a long time, became very bad.  Once he was given
a job by a big provision firm to carry an advertisement about the
streets.  The man who had been carrying it before - an old soldier -
had been sacked the previous day for getting drunk while on duty.  The
advertisement was not an ordinary pair of sandwich boards, but a sort
of box without any bottom or lid, a wooden frame, four sides covered
with canvas, an which were pasted printed bills advertising margarine.
Each side of this box or frame was rather larger than an ordinary
sandwich board.

Old Linden had to get inside this thing and carry it about the
streets; two straps fixed across the top of the frame and passing one
over each of his shoulders enabled him to carry it.  It swayed about a
good deal as he walked along, especially when the wind caught it, but
there were two handles inside to hold it steady by.  The pay was
eighteenpence a day, and he had to travel a certain route, up and down
the busiest streets.

At first the frame did not feel very heavy, but the weight seemed to
increase as the time went on, and the straps hurt his shoulders.  He
felt very much ashamed, also, whenever he encountered any of his old
mates, some of whom laughed at him.

In consequence of the frame requiring so much attention to keep it
steady, and being unused to the work, and his sight so bad, he several
times narrowly escaped being run over.  Another thing that added to his
embarrassment was the jeering of the other sandwichmen, the loafers
outside the public houses, and the boys, who shouted `old Jack in the
box' after him.  Sometimes the boys threw refuse at the frame, and
once a decayed orange thrown by one of them knocked his hat off.

By the time evening came he was scarcely able to stand for weariness.
His shoulders, his legs and his feet ached terribly, and as he was
taking the thing back to the shop he was accosted by a ragged, dirty-
looking, beer-sodden old man whose face was inflamed with drink and
fury.  `This was the old soldier who had been discharged the previous
day.  He cursed and swore in the most awful manner and accused Linden
of `taking the bread out of his mouth', and, shaking his fist fiercely
at him, shouted that he had a good mind to knock his face through his
head and out of the back of his neck.  He might possibly have tried to
put this threat into practice but for the timely appearance of a
policeman, when he calmed down at once and took himself off.

Jack did not go back the next day; he felt that he would rather starve
than have any more of the advertisement frame, and after this he
seemed to abandon all hope of earning money: wherever he went it was
the same - no one wanted him.  So he just wandered about the streets
aimlessly, now and then meeting an old workmate who asked him to have
a drink, but this was not often, for nearly all of them were out of
work and penniless.

Chapter 33

The Soldier's Children

During most of this time, Jack Linden's daughter-in-law had `Plenty of
Work', making blouses and pinafores for Sweater & Co.  She had so much
to do that one might have thought that the Tory Millennium had
arrived, and that Tariff Reform was already an accomplished fact.

She had Plenty of Work.

At first they had employed her exclusively on the cheapest kind of
blouses - those that were paid for at the rate of two shillings a
dozen, but they did not give her many of that sort now.  She did the
work so neatly that they kept her busy on the better qualities, which
did not pay her so well, because although she was paid more per dozen,
there was a great deal more work in them than in the cheaper kinds.
Once she had a very special one to make, for which she was paid six
shillings; but it took her four and a half days - working early and
late - to do it.  The lady who bought this blouse was told that it
came from Paris, and paid three guineas for it.  But of course Mrs
Linden knew nothing of that, and even if she had known, it would have
made no difference to her.

Most of the money she earned went to pay the rent, and sometimes there
was only two or three shillings left to buy food for all of them:
sometimes not even so much, because although she had Plenty of Work
she was not always able to do it.  There were times when the strain of
working the machine was unendurable: her shoulders ached, her arms
became cramped, and her eyes pained so that it was impossible to
continue.  Then for a change she would leave the sewing and do some

Once, when they owed four weeks' rent, the agent was so threatening
that they were terrified at the thought of being sold up and turned
out of the house, and so she decided to sell the round mahogany table
and some of the other things out of the sitting-room.  Nearly all the
furniture that was in the house now belonged to her, and had formed
her home before her husband died.  The old people had given most of
their things away at different times to their other sons since she had
come to live there.  These men were all married and all in employment.
One was a fitter at the gasworks; the second was a railway porter, and
the other was a butcher; but now that the old man was out of work they
seldom came to the house.  The last time they had been there was on
Christmas Eve, and then there had been such a terrible row between
them that the children had been awakened by it and frightened nearly
out of their lives.  The cause of the row was that some time
previously they had mutually agreed to each give a shilling a week to
the old people.  They had done this for three weeks and after that the
butcher had stopped his contribution: it had occurred to him that he
was not to be expected to help to keep his brother's widow and her
children.  If the old people liked to give up the house and go to live
in a room somewhere by themselves, he would continue paying his
shilling a week, but not otherwise.  Upon this the railway porter and
the gas-fitter also ceased paying.  They said it wasn't fair that they
should pay a shilling a week each when the butcher - who was the
eldest and earned the best wages - paid nothing.  Provided he paid,
they would pay; but if he didn't pay anything, neither would they.  On
Christmas Eve they all happened to come to the house at the same time;
each denounced the others, and after nearly coming to blows they all
went away raging and cursing and had not been near the place since.

As soon as she decided to sell the things, Mary went to Didlum's
second-hand furniture store, and the manager said he would ask Mr
Didlum to call and see the table and other articles.  She waited
anxiously all the morning, but he did not appear, so she went once
more to the shop to remind him.  When he did come at last he was very
contemptuous of the table and of everything else she offered to sell.
Five shillings was the very most he could think of giving for the
table, and even then he doubted whether he would ever get his money
back.  Eventually he gave her thirty shillings for the table, the
overmantel, the easy chair, three other chairs and the two best
pictures - one a large steel engraving of `The Good Samaritan' and the
other `Christ Blessing Little Children'.

He paid the money at once; half an hour afterwards the van came to
take the things away, and when they were gone, Mary sank down on the
hearthrug in the wrecked room and sobbed as if her heart would break.

This was the first of several similar transactions.  Slowly, piece by
piece, in order to buy food and to pay the rent, the furniture was
sold.  Every time Didlum came he affected to be doing them a very
great favour by buying the things at all.  Almost an act of charity.
He did not want them.  Business was so bad: it might be years before
he could sell them again, and so on.  Once or twice he asked Mary if
she did not want to sell the clock - the one that her late husband had
made for his mother, but Mary shrank from the thought of selling this,
until at last there was nothing else left that Didlum would buy, and
one week, when Mary was too ill to do any needlework - it had to go.
He gave them ten shillings for it.

Mary had expected the old woman to be heartbroken at having to part
with this clock, but she was surprised to see her almost indifferent.
The truth was, that lately both the old people seemed stunned, and
incapable of taking an intelligent interest in what was happening
around them, and Mary had to attend to everything.

From time to time nearly all their other possessions - things of
inferior value that Didlum would not look at, she carried out and sold
at small second-hand shops in back streets or pledged at the
pawn-broker's.  The feather pillows, sheets, and blankets: bits of
carpet or oilcloth, and as much of their clothing as was saleable or
pawnable.  They felt the loss of the bedclothes more than anything
else, for although all the clothes they wore during the day, and all
the old clothes and dresses in the house, and even an old coloured
tablecloth, were put on the beds at night, they did not compensate for
the blankets, and they were often unable to sleep on account of the
intense cold.

A lady district visitor who called occasionally sometimes gave Mary an
order for a hundredweight of coal or a shillingsworth of groceries, or
a ticket for a quart of soup, which Elsie fetched in the evening from
the Soup Kitchen.  But this was not very often, because, as the lady
said, there were so many cases similar to theirs that it was
impossible to do more than a very little for any one of them.

Sometimes Mary became so weak and exhausted through overwork, worry,
and lack of proper food that she broke down altogether for the time
being, and positively could not do any work at all.  Then she used to
lie down on the bed in her room and cry.

Whenever she became like this, Elsie and Charley used to do the
housework when they came home from school, and make tea and toast for
her, and bring it to the bedside on a chair so that she could eat
lying down.  When there was no margarine or dripping to put on the
toast, they made it very thin and crisp and pretended it was biscuit.

The children rather enjoyed these times; the quiet and leisure was so
different from other days when their mother was so busy she had no
time to speak to them.

They would sit on the side of the bed, the old grandmother in her
chair opposite with the cat beside her listening to the conversation
and purring or mewing whenever they stroked it or spoke to it.  They
talked principally of the future.  Elsie said she was going to be a
teacher and earn a lot of money to bring home to her mother to buy
things with.  Charley was thinking of opening a grocer's shop and
having a horse and cart.  When one has a grocer's shop, there is
always plenty to eat; even if you have no money, you can take as much
as you like out of your shop - good stuff, too, tins of salmon, jam,
sardines, eggs, cakes, biscuits and all those sorts of things - and
one was almost certain to have some money every day, because it wasn't
likely that a whole day would go by without someone or other coming
into the shop to buy something.  When delivering the groceries with
the horse and cart, he would give rides to all the boys he knew, and
in the summertime, after the work was done and the shop shut up,
Mother and Elsie and Granny could also come for long rides into the

The old grandmother - who had latterly become quite childish - used to
sit and listen to all this talk with a superior air.  Sometimes she
argued with the children about their plans, and ridiculed them.  She
used to say with a chuckle that she had heard people talk like that
before - lots of times - but it never came to nothing in the end.

One week about the middle of February, when they were in very sore
straits indeed, old Jack applied to the secretary of the Organized
Benevolence Society for assistance.  It was about eleven o'clock in
the morning when he turned the corner of the street where the office
of the society was situated and saw a crowd of about thirty men
waiting for the doors to be opened in order to apply for soup tickets.
Some of these men were of the tramp or the drunken loafer class; some
were old, broken-down workmen like himself, and others were labourers
wearing corduroy or moleskin trousers with straps round their legs
under their knees.

Linden waited at a distance until all these were gone before he went
in.  The secretary received him sympathetically and gave him a big
form to fill up, but as Linden's eyes were so bad and his hand so
unsteady the secretary very obligingly wrote in the answers himself,
and informed him that he would inquire into the case and lay his
application before the committee at the next meeting, which was to be
held on the following Thursday - it was then Monday.

Linden explained to him that they were actually starving.  He had been
out of work for sixteen weeks, and during all that time they had lived
for the most part on the earnings of his daughter-in-law, but she had
not done anything for nearly a fortnight now, because the firm she
worked for had not had any work for her to do.  There was no food in
the house and the children were crying for something to eat.  All last
week they had been going to school hungry, for they had had nothing
but dry bread and tea every day: but this week - as far as he could
see - they would not get even that.  After some further talk the
secretary gave him two soup tickets and an order for a loaf of bread,
and repeated his promise to inquire into the case and bring it before
the committee.

As Jack was returning home he passed the Soup Kitchen, where he saw
the same lot of men who had been to the office of the Organized
Benevolence Society for the soup tickets.  They were waiting in a long
line to be admitted.  The premises being so small, the proprietor
served them in batches of ten at a time.

On Wednesday the secretary called at the house, and on Friday Jack
received a letter from him to the effect that the case had been duly
considered by the committee, who had come to the conclusion that as it
was a `chronic' case they were unable to deal with it, and advised him
to apply to the Board of Guardians.  This was what Linden had hitherto
shrunk from doing, but the situation was desperate.  They owed five
weeks' rent, and to crown their misfortune his eyesight had become so
bad that even if there had been any prospect of obtaining work it was
very doubtful if he could have managed to do it.  So Linden, feeling
utterly crushed and degraded, swallowed all that remained of his pride
and went like a beaten dog to see the relieving officer, who took him
before the Board, who did not think it a suitable case for out-relief,
and after some preliminaries it was arranged that Linden and his wife
were to go into the workhouse, and Mary was to be allowed three
shillings a week to help her to support herself and the two children.
As for Linden's sons, the Guardians intimated their Intention of
compelling them to contribute towards the cost of their parents'

Mary accompanied the old people to the gates of their future
dwelling-place, and when she returned home she found there a letter
addressed to J. Linden.  It was from the house agent and contained a
notice to leave the house before the end of the ensuing week.  Nothing
was said about the rent that was due.  Perhaps Mr Sweater thought that
as he had already received nearly six hundred pounds in rent from
Linden he could afford to be generous about the five weeks that were
still owing - or perhaps he thought there was no possibility of
getting the money.  However that may have been, there was no reference
to it in the letter - it was simply a notice to clear out, addressed
to Linden, but meant for Mary.

It was about half past three o'clock in the afternoon when she
returned home and found this letter on the floor in the front passage.
She was faint with fatigue and hunger, for she had had nothing but a
cup of tea and a slice of bread that day, and her fare had not been
much better for many weeks past.  The children were at school, and the
house - now almost destitute of furniture and without carpets or
oilcloth on the floors - was deserted and cold and silent as a tomb.
On the kitchen table were a few cracked cups and saucers, a broken
knife, some lead teaspoons, a part of a loaf, a small basin containing
some dripping and a brown earthenware teapot with a broken spout.
Near the table were two broken kitchen chairs, one with the top
cross-piece gone from the back, and the other with no back to the seat
at all.  The bareness of the walls was relieved only by a coloured
almanac and some paper pictures which the children had tacked upon
them, and by the side of the fireplace was the empty wicker chair
where the old woman used to sit.  There was no fire in the grate, and
the cold hearth was untidy with an accumulation of ashes, for during
the trouble of these last few days she had not had time or heart to do
any housework.  The floor was unswept and littered with scraps of
paper and dust: in one corner was a heap of twigs and small branches
of trees that Charley had found somewhere and brought home for the

The same disorder prevailed all through the house: all the doors were
open, and from where she stood in the kitchen she could see the bed
she shared with Elsie, with its heterogeneous heap of coverings.  The
sitting-room contained nothing but a collection of odds and ends of
rubbish which belonged to Charley - his `things' as he called them -
bits of wood, string and rope; one wheel of a perambulator, a top, an
iron hoop and so on.  Through the other door was visible the
dilapidated bedstead that had been used by the old people, with a
similar lot of bedclothes to those on her own bed, and the torn,
ragged covering of the mattress through the side of which the flock
was protruding and falling in particles on to the floor.

As she stood there with the letter in her hand - faint and weary in
the midst of all this desolation, it seemed to her as if the whole
world were falling to pieces and crumbling away all around her.

Chapter 34

The Beginning of the End

During the months of January and February, Owen, Crass, Slyme and
Sawkins continued to work at irregular intervals for Rushton & Co.,
although - even when there was anything to do - they now put in only
six hours a day, commencing in the morning and leaving off at four,
with an hour's interval for dinner between twelve and one.  They
finished the `plant' and painted the front of Rushton's shop.  When
all this was completed, as no other work came in, they all had to
`stand off' with the exception of Sawkins, who was kept on because he
was cheap and able to do all sorts of odd jobs, such as unstopping
drains, repairing leaky roofs, rough painting or lime-washing, and he
was also useful as a labourer for the plumbers, of whom there were now
three employed at Rushton's, the severe weather which had come in with
January having made a lot of work in that trade.  With the exception
of this one branch, practically all work was at a standstill.

During this time Rushton & Co. had had several `boxing-up' jobs to do,
and Crass always did the polishing of the coffins on these occasions,
besides assisting to take the `box' home when finished and to `lift
in' the corpse, and afterwards he always acted as one of the bearers
at the funerals.  For an ordinary class funeral he usually put in
about three hours for the polishing; that came to one and nine.
Taking home the coffin and lifting in the corpse, one shilling -
usually there were two men to do this besides Hunter, who always
accompanied them to superintend the work - attending the funeral and
acting as bearer, four shillings: so that altogether Crass made six
shillings and ninepence out of each funeral, and sometimes a little
more.  For instance, when there was an unusually good-class corpse
they had a double coffin and then of course there were two `lifts in',
for the shell was taken home first and the outer coffin perhaps a day
or two later: this made another shilling.  No matter how expensive the
funeral was, the bearers never got any more money.  Sometimes the
carpenter and Crass were able to charge an hour or two more on the
making and polishing of a coffin for a good job, but that was all.
Sometimes, when there was a very cheap job, they were paid only three
shillings for attending as bearers, but this was not often: as a rule
they got the same amount whether it was a cheap funeral or an
expensive one.  Slyme earned only five shillings out of each funeral,
and Owen only one and six - for writing the coffin plate.

Sometimes there were three or four funerals in a week, and then Crass
did very well indeed.  He still had the two young men lodgers at his
house, and although one of them was out of work he was still able to
pay his way because he had some money in the bank.

One of the funeral jobs led to a terrible row between Crass and
Sawkins.  The corpse was that of a well-to-do woman who had been ill
for a long time with cancer of the stomach, and after the funeral
Rushton & Co. had to clean and repaint and paper the room she had
occupied during her illness.  Although cancer is not supposed to be an
infectious disease, they had orders to take all the bedding away and
have it burnt.  Sawkins was instructed to take a truck to the house
and get the bedding and take it to the town Refuse Destructor to be
destroyed.  There were two feather beds, a bolster and two pillows:
they were such good things that Sawkins secretly resolved that instead
of taking them to the Destructor he would take them to a second-hand
dealer and sell them.

As he was coming away from the house with the things he met Hunter,
who told him that he wanted him for some other work; so he was to take
the truck to the yard and leave it there for the present; he could
take the bedding to the Destructor later on in the day.  Sawkins did
as Hunter ordered, and in the meantime Crass, who happened to be
working at the yard painting some venetian blinds, saw the things on
the truck, and, hearing what was to be done with them, he also thought
it was a pity that such good things should be destroyed: so when
Sawkins came in the afternoon to take them away Crass told him he need
not trouble; `I'm goin' to 'ave that lot, he said; `they're too good
to chuck away; there's nothing wrong with 'em.'

This did not suit Sawkins at all.  He said he had been told to take
them to the Destructor, and he was going to do so.  He was dragging
the cart out of the yard when Crass rushed up and lifted the bundle
off and carried it into the paint-shop.  Sawkins ran after him and
they began to curse and swear at each other; Crass accusing Sawkins of
intending to take the things to the marine stores and sell them.
Sawkins seized hold of the bundle with the object of replacing it on
the cart, but Crass got hold of it as well and they had a tussle for
it - a kind of tug of war - reeling and struggling all over the shop.
cursing and swearing horribly all the time.  Finally, Sawkins - being
the better man of the two - succeeded in wrenching the bundle away and
put it on the cart again, and then Crass hurriedly put on his coat and
said he was going to the office to ask Mr Rushton if he might have the
things.  Upon hearing this, Sawkins became so infuriated that he
lifted the bundle off the cart and, throwing it upon the muddy ground,
right into a pool of dirty water, trampled it underfoot; and then,
taking out his clasp knife, began savagely hacking and ripping the
ticking so that the feathers all came falling out.  In a few minutes
he had damaged the things beyond hope of repair, while Crass stood by,
white and trembling, watching the proceedings but lacking the courage
to interfere.

`Now go to the office and ask Rushton for 'em, if you like!' shouted
Sawkins.  `You can 'ave 'em now, if you want 'em.'

Crass made no answer and, after a moment's hesitation, went back to
his work, and Sawkins piled the things on the cart once more and took
them away to the Destructor.  He would not be able to sell them now,
but at any rate he had stopped that dirty swine Crass from getting

When Crass went back to the paint-shop he found there one of the
pillows which had fallen out of the bundle during the struggle.  He
took it home with him that evening and slept upon it.  It was a fine
pillow, much fuller and softer and more cosy than the one he had been
accustomed to.

A few days afterwards when he was working at the room where the woman
died, they gave him some other things that had belonged to her to do
away with, and amongst them was a kind of wrap of grey knitted wool.
Crass kept this for himself: it was just the thing to wrap round one's
neck when going to work on a cold morning, and he used it for that
purpose all through the winter.  In addition to the funerals, there
was a little other work: sometimes a room or two to be painted and
papered and ceilings whitened, and once they had the outside of two
small cottages to paint - doors and windows - two coats.  All four of
them worked at this job and it was finished in two days.  And so they
went on.

Some weeks Crass earned a pound or eighteen shillings; sometimes a
little more, generally less and occasionally nothing at all.

There was a lot of jealousy and ill-feeling amongst them about the
work.  Slyme and Crass were both aggrieved about Sawkins whenever they
were idle, especially if the latter were painting or whitewashing, and
their indignation was shared by all the others who were `off'.  Harlow
swore horribly about it, and they all agreed that it was disgraceful
that a bloody labourer should be employed doing what ought to be
skilled work for fivepence an hour, while properly qualified men were
`walking about'.  These other men were also incensed against Slyme and
Crass because the latter were given the preference whenever there was
a little job to do, and it was darkly insinuated that in order to
secure this preference these two were working for sixpence an hour.
There was no love lost between Crass and Slyme either: Crass was
furious whenever it happened that Slyme had a few hours' work to do if
he himself were idle, and if ever Crass was working while Slyme was
`standing still' the latter went about amongst the other unemployed
men saying ugly things about Crass, whom he accused of being a
`crawler'.  Owen also came in for his share of abuse and blame: most
of them said that a man like him should stick out for higher wages
whether employed on special work or not, and then he would not get any
preference.  But all the same, whatever they said about each other
behind each other's backs, they were all most friendly to each other
when they met face to face.

Once or twice Owen did some work - such as graining a door or writing
a sign - for one or other of his fellow workmen who had managed to
secure a little job `on his own', but putting it all together, the
coffin-plates and other work at Rushton's and all, his earnings had
not averaged ten shillings a week for the last six weeks.  Often they
had no coal and sometimes not even a penny to put into the gas meter,
and then, having nothing left good enough to pawn, he sometimes
obtained a few pence by selling some of his books to second-hand book
dealers.  However, bad as their condition was, Owen knew that they
were better off than the majority of the others, for whenever he went
out he was certain to meet numbers of men whom he had worked with at
different times, who said - some of them - that they had been idle for
ten, twelve, fifteen and in some cases for twenty weeks without having
earned a shilling.

Owen used to wonder how they managed to continue to exist.  Most of
them were wearing other people's cast-off clothes, hats, and boots,
which had in some instances been given to their wives by `visiting
ladies', or by the people at whose houses their wives went to work,
charing.  As for food, most of them lived on such credit as they could
get, and on the scraps of broken victuals and meat that their wives
brought home from the places they worked at.  Some of them had
grown-up sons and daughters who still lived with them and whose
earnings kept their homes together, and the wives of some of them eked
out a miserable existence by letting lodgings.

The week before old Linden went into the workhouse Owen earned
nothing, and to make matters worse the grocer from whom they usually
bought their things suddenly refused to let them have any more credit.
Owen went to see him, and the man said he was very sorry, but he could
not let them have anything more without the money; he did not mind
waiting a few weeks for what was already owing, but he could not let
the amount get any higher; his books were full of bad debts already.
In conclusion, he said that he hoped Owen would not do as so many
others had done and take his ready money elsewhere.  People came and
got credit from him when they were hard up, and afterwards spent their
ready money at the Monopole Company's stores on the other side of the
street, because their goods were a trifle cheaper, and it was not
fair.  Owen admitted that it was not fair, but reminded him that they
always bought their things at his shop.  The grocer, however, was
inexorable; he repeated several times that his books were full of bad
debts and his own creditors were pressing him.  During their
conversation the shopkeeper's eyes wandered continually to the big
store on the other side of the street; the huge, gilded letters of the
name `Monopole Stores' seemed to have an irresistible attraction for
him.  Once he interrupted himself in the middle of a sentence to point
out to Owen a little girl who was just coming out of the Stores with a
small parcel in her hand.

`Her father owes me nearly thirty shillings,' he said, `but they spend
their ready money there.'

The front of the grocer's shop badly needed repainting, and the name
on the fascia, `A. Smallman', was so faded as to be almost
indecipherable.  It had been Owen's intention to offer to do this work -
the cost to go against his account - but the man appeared to be so
harassed that Owen refrained from making the suggestion.

They still had credit at the baker's, but they did not take much
bread: when one has had scarcely anything else but bread to eat for
nearly a month one finds it difficult to eat at all.  That same day,
when he returned home after his interview with the grocer, they had a
loaf of beautiful fresh bread, but none of them could eat it, although
they were hungry: it seemed to stick in their throats, and they could
not swallow it even with the help of a drink of tea.  But they drank
the tea, which was the one thing that enabled them to go on living.

The next week Owen earned eight shillings altogether: a few hours he
put in assisting Crass to wash off and whiten a ceiling and paint a
room, and there was one coffin-plate.  He wrote the latter at home,
and while he was doing it he heard Frankie - who was out in the
scullery with Nora - say to her:

`Mother, how many more days to you think we'll have to have only dry
bread and tea?'

Owen's heart seemed to stop as he heard the child's question and
listened for Nora's answer, but the question was not to be answered at
all just then, for at that moment they heard someone running up the
stairs and presently the door was unceremoniously thrown open and
Charley Linden rushed into the house, out of breath, hatless, and
crying piteously.  His clothes were old and ragged; they had been
patched at the knees and elbows, but the patches were tearing away
from the rotting fabric into which they had been sewn.  He had on a
pair of black stockings full of holes through which the skin was
showing.  The soles of his boots were worn through at one side right
to the uppers, and as he walked the sides of his bare heels came into
contact with the floor, the front part of the sole of one boot was
separated from the upper, and his bare toes, red with cold and covered
with mud, protruded through the gap.  Some sharp substance - a nail or
a piece of glass or flint - had evidently lacerated his right foot,
for blood was oozing from the broken heel of his boot on to the floor.

They were unable to make much sense of the confused story he told them
through his sobs as soon as he was able to speak.  All that was clear
was that there was something very serious the matter at home: he
thought his mother must be either dying or dead, because she did not
speak or move or open her eyes, and `please, please, please will you
come home with me and see her?'

While Nora was getting ready to go with the boy, Owen made him sit on
a chair, and having removed the boot from the foot that was bleeding,
washed the cut with some warm water and bandaged it with a piece of
clean rag, and then they tried to persuade him to stay there with
Frankie while Nora went to see his mother, but the boy would not hear
of it.  So Frankie went with them instead.  Owen could not go because
he had to finish the coffin-plate, which was only just commenced.

It will be remembered that we left Mary Linden alone in the house
after she returned from seeing the old people away.  When the children
came home from school, about half an hour afterwards, they found her
sitting in one of the chairs with her head resting on her arms on the
table, unconscious.  They were terrified, because they could not
awaken her and began to cry, but presently Charley thought of
Frankie's mother and, telling his sister to stay there while he was
gone, he started off at a run for Owen's house, leaving the front door
wide open after him.

When Nora and the two boys reached the house they found there two
other women neighbours, who had heard Elsie crying and had come to see
what was wrong.  Mary had recovered from her faint and was lying down
on the bed. Nora stayed with her for some time after the other women
went away.  She lit the fire and gave the children their tea - there
was still some coal and food left of what had been bought with the
three shillings obtained from the Board of Guardians - and afterwards
she tidied the house.

Mary said that she did not know exactly what she would have to do in
the future.  If she could get a room somewhere for two or three
shillings a week, her allowance from the Guardians would pay the rent,
and she would be able to earn enough for herself and the children to
live on.

This was the substance of the story that Nora told Owen when she
returned home.  He had finished writing the coffin-plate, and as it
was now nearly dry he put on his coat and took it down to the
carpenter's shop at the yard.

On his way back he met Easton, who had been hanging about in the vain
hope of seeing Hunter and finding out if there was any chance of a
job.  As they walked along together, Easton confided to Owen that he
had earned scarcely anything since he had been stood off at Rushton's,
and what he had earned had gone, as usual, to pay the rent.  Slyme had
left them some time ago.  Ruth did not seem able to get on with him;
she had been in a funny sort of temper altogether, but since he had
gone she had had a little work at a boarding-house on the Grand
Parade.  But things had been going from bad to worse. They had not
been able to keep up the payments for the furniture they had hired, so
the things had been seized and carted off.  They had even stripped the
oilcloth from the floor.  Easton remarked he was sorry he had not
tacked the bloody stuff down in such a manner that they would not have
been able to take it up without destroying it.  He had been to see
Didlum, who said he didn't want to be hard on them, and that he would
keep the things together for three months, and if Easton had paid up
arrears by that time he could have them back again, but there was, in
Easton's opinion, very little chance of that.

Owen listened with contempt and anger.  Here was a man who grumbled at
the present state of things, yet took no trouble to think for himself
and try to alter them, and who at the first chance would vote for the
perpetuation of the System which produced his misery.

`Have you heard that old Jack Linden and his wife went to the
workhouse today,' he said.

`No,' replied Easton, indifferently.  `It's only what I expected.'

Owen then suggested it would not be a bad plan for Easton to let his
front room, now that it was empty, to Mrs Linden, who would be sure to
pay her rent, which would help Easton to pay his.  Easton
agreed and said he would mention it to Ruth, and a few minutes later
they parted.

The next morning Nora found Ruth talking to Mary Linden about the room
and as the Eastons lived only about five minutes' walk away, they all
three went round there in order that Mary might see the room.  The
appearance of the house from outside was unaltered: the white lace
curtains still draped the windows of the front room; and in the centre
of the bay was what appeared to be a small round table covered with a
red cloth, and upon it a geranium in a flowerpot standing in a saucer
with a frill of coloured tissue paper round it.  These things and the
curtains, which fell close together, made it impossible for anyone to
see that the room was, otherwise, unfurnished.  The `table' consisted
of an empty wooden box - procured from the grocer's - stood on end,
with the lid of the scullery copper placed upside down upon it for a
top and covered with an old piece of red cloth.  The purpose of this
was to prevent the neighbours from thinking that they were hard up;
although they knew that nearly all those same neighbours were in more
or less similar straits.

It was not a very large room, considering that it would have to serve
all purposes for herself and the two children, but Mrs Linden knew
that it was not likely that she would be able to get one as good
elsewhere for the same price, so she agreed to take it from the
following Monday at two shillings a week.

As the distance was so short they were able to carry most of the
smaller things to their new home during the next few days, and on the
Monday evening, when it was dark.  Owen and Easton brought the
remainder on a truck they borrowed for the purpose from Hunter.

During the last weeks of February the severity of the weather
increased.  There was a heavy fall of snow on the 20th followed by a
hard frost which lasted several days.

About ten o'clock one night a policeman found a man lying unconscious
in the middle of a lonely road.  At first he thought the man was
drunk, and after dragging him on to the footpath out of the way of
passing vehicles he went for the stretcher.  They took the man to the
station and put him into a cell, which was already occupied by a man
who had been caught in the act of stealing a swede turnip from a barn.
When the police surgeon came he pronounced the supposed drunken man to
be dying from bronchitis and want of food; and he further said that
there was nothing to indicate that the man was addicted to drink.
When the inquest was held a few days afterwards, the coroner remarked
that it was the third case of death from destitution that had occurred
in the town within six weeks.

The evidence showed that the man was a plasterer who had walked from
London with the hope of finding work somewhere in the country.  He had
no money in his possession when he was found by the policeman; all
that his pockets contained being several pawn-tickets and a letter
from his wife, which was not found until after he died, because it was
in an inner pocket of his waistcoat.  A few days before this inquest
was held, the man who had been arrested for stealing the turnip had
been taken before the magistrates.  The poor wretch said he did it
because he was starving, but Aldermen Sweater and Grinder, after
telling him that starvation was no excuse for dishonesty, sentenced
him to pay a fine of seven shillings and costs, or go to prison for
seven days with hard labour.  As the convict had neither money nor
friends, he had to go to jail, where he was, after all, better off
than most of those who were still outside because they lacked either
the courage or the opportunity to steal something to relieve their

As time went on the long-continued privation began to tell upon Owen
and his family.  He had a severe cough: his eyes became deeply sunken
and of remarkable brilliancy, and his thin face was always either
deathly pale or dyed with a crimson flush.

Frankie also began to show the effects of being obliged to go so often
without his porridge and milk; he became very pale and thin and his
long hair came out in handfuls when his mother combed or brushed it.
This was a great trouble to the boy, who, since hearing the story of
Samson read out of the Bible at school, had ceased from asking to have
his hair cut short, lest he should lose his strength in consequence.
He used to test himself by going through a certain exercise he had
himself invented, with a flat iron, and he was always much relieved
when he found that, notwithstanding the loss of the porridge, he was
still able to lift the iron the proper number of times.  But after a
while, as he found that it became increasingly difficult to go through
the exercise, he gave it up altogether, secretly resolving to wait
until `Dad' had more work to do, so that he could have the porridge
and milk again.  He was sorry to have to discontinue the exercise, but
he said nothing about it to his father or mother because he did not
want to `worry' them ...

Sometimes Nora managed to get a small job of needlework.  On one
occasion a woman with a small son brought a parcel of garments
belonging to herself or her husband, an old ulster, several coats, and
so on - things that although they were too old-fashioned or shabby to
wear, yet might look all right if turned and made up for the boy.

Nora undertook to do this, and after working several hours every day
for a week she earned four shillings: and even then the woman thought
it was so dear that she did not bring any more.

Another time Mrs Easton got her some work at a boarding-house where
she herself was employed.  The servant was laid up, and they wanted
some help for a few days.  The pay was to be two shillings a day, and
dinner.  Owen did not want her to go because he feared she was not
strong enough to do the work, but he gave way at last and Nora went.
She had to do the bedrooms, and on the evening of the second day, as a
result of the constant running up and down the stairs carrying heavy
cans and pails of water, she was in such intense pain that she was
scarcely able to walk home, and for several days afterwards had to lie
in bed through a recurrence of her old illness, which caused her to
suffer untold agony whenever she tried to stand.

Owen was alternately dejected and maddened by the knowledge of his own
helplessness: when he was not doing anything for Rushton he went about
the town trying to find some other work, but usually with scant
success.  He did some samples of showcard and window tickets and
endeavoured to get some orders by canvassing the shops in the town,
but this was also a failure, for these people generally had a
ticket-writer to whom they usually gave their work.  He did get a few
trifling orders, but they were scarcely worth doing at the price he
got for them.  He used to feel like a criminal when he went into the
shops to ask them for the work, because he realized fully that, in
effect, he was saying to them: `Take your work away from the other
man, and employ me.'  He was so conscious of this that it gave him a
shamefaced manner, which, coupled as it was with his shabby clothing,
did not create a very favourable impression upon those he addressed,
who usually treated him with about as much courtesy as they would have
extended to any other sort of beggar.  Generally, after a day's
canvassing, he returned home unsuccessful and faint with hunger and

Once, when there was a bitterly cold east wind blowing, he was out on
one of these canvassing expeditions and contracted a severe cold: his
chest became so bad that he found it almost impossible to speak,
because the effort to do so often brought on a violent fit of
coughing.  It was during this time that a firm of drapers, for whom he
had done some showcards, sent him an order for one they wanted in a
hurry, it had to be delivered the next morning, so he stayed up by
himself till nearly midnight to do it.  As he worked, he felt a
strange sensation in his chest: it was not exactly a pain, and he
would have found it difficult to describe it in words - it was just a
sensation.  He did not attach much importance to it, thinking it an
effect of the cold he had taken, but whatever it was he could not help
feeling conscious of it all the time.

Frankie had been put to bed that evening at the customary hour, but
did not seem to be sleeping as well as usual.  Owen could hear him
twisting and turning about and uttering little cries in his sleep.

He left his work several times to go into the boy's room and cover him
with the bedclothes which his restless movements had disordered.  As
the time wore on, the child became more tranquil, and about eleven
o'clock, when Owen went in to look at him, he found him in a deep
sleep, lying on his side with his head thrown back on the pillow,
breathing so softly through his slightly parted lips that the sound
was almost imperceptible.  The fair hair that clustered round his
forehead was damp with perspiration, and he was so still and pale and
silent that one might have thought he was sleeping the sleep that
knows no awakening.

About an hour later, when he had finished writing the showcard, Owen
went out into the scullery to wash his hands before going to bed: and
whilst he was drying them on the towel, the strange sensation he had
been conscious of all the evening became more intense, and a few
seconds afterwards he was terrified to find his mouth suddenly filled
with blood.

For what seemed an eternity he fought for breath against the
suffocating torrent, and when at length it stopped, he sank trembling
into a chair by the side of the table, holding the towel to his mouth
and scarcely daring to breathe, whilst a cold sweat streamed from
every pore and gathered in large drops upon his forehead.

Through the deathlike silence of the night there came from time to
time the chimes of the clock of a distant church, but he continued to
sit there motionless, taking no heed of the passing hours, and
possessed with an awful terror.

So this was the beginning of the end!  And afterwards the other two
would be left by themselves at the mercy of the world.  In a few
years' time the boy would be like Bert White, in the clutches of some
psalm-singing devil like Hunter or Rushton, who would use him as if he
were a beast of burden.  He imagined he could see him now as he would
be then: worked, driven, and bullied, carrying loads, dragging carts,
and running here and there, trying his best to satisfy the brutal
tyrants, whose only thought would be to get profit out of him for
themselves.  If he lived, it would be to grow up with his body
deformed and dwarfed by unnatural labour and with his mind stultified,
degraded and brutalized by ignorance and poverty.  As this vision of
the child's future rose before him, Owen resolved that it should never
be!  He would not leave them alone and defenceless in the midst of the
`Christian' wolves who were waiting to rend them as soon as he was
gone.  If he could not give them happiness, he could at least put them
out of the reach of further suffering.  If he could not stay with
them, they would have to come with him.  It would be kinder and more

Chapter 35

Facing the `Problem'

Nearly every other firm in the town was in much the same plight as
Rushton & Co.; none of them had anything to speak of to do, and the
workmen no longer troubled to go to the different shops asking for a
job.  They knew it was of no use.  Most of them just walked about
aimlessly or stood talking in groups in the streets, principally in
the neighbourhood of the Wage Slave Market near the fountain on the
Grand Parade.  They congregated here in such numbers that one or two
residents wrote to the local papers complaining of the `nuisance', and
pointing out that it was calculated to drive the `better-class'
visitors out of the town.  After this two or three extra policemen
were put on duty near the fountain with instructions to `move on' any
groups of unemployed that formed.  They could not stop them from
coming there, but they prevented them standing about.

The processions of unemployed continued every day, and the money they
begged from the public was divided equally amongst those who took
part.  Sometimes it amounted to one and sixpence each, sometimes it
was a little more and sometimes a little less.  These men presented a
terrible spectacle as they slunk through the dreary streets, through
the rain or the snow, with the slush soaking into their broken boots,
and, worse still, with the bitterly cold east wind penetrating their
rotten clothing and freezing their famished bodies.

The majority of the skilled workers still held aloof from these
processions, although their haggard faces bore involuntary testimony
to their sufferings.  Although privation reigned supreme in their
desolate homes, where there was often neither food nor light nor fire,
they were too `proud' to parade their misery before each other or the
world.  They secretly sold or pawned their clothing and their
furniture and lived in semi-starvation on the proceeds, and on credit,
but they would not beg.  Many of them even echoed the sentiments of
those who had written to the papers, and with a strange lack of
class-sympathy blamed those who took part in the processions.  They
said it was that sort of thing that drove the `better class' away,
injured the town, and caused all the poverty and unemployment.
However, some of them accepted charity in other ways; district
visitors distributed tickets for coal and groceries.  Not that that
sort of thing made much difference; there was usually a great deal of
fuss and advice, many quotations of Scripture, and very little
groceries.  And even what there was generally went to the
least-deserving people, because the only way to obtain any of this
sort of `charity' is by hypocritically pretending to be religious: and
the greater the hypocrite, the greater the quantity of coal and
groceries.  These `charitable' people went into the wretched homes of
the poor and - in effect - said: `Abandon every particle of self-
respect: cringe and fawn: come to church: bow down and grovel to us,
and in return we'll give you a ticket that you can take to a certain
shop and exchange for a shillingsworth of groceries.  And, if you're
very servile and humble we may give you another one next week.'

They never gave the `case' the money.  The ticket system serves three
purposes.  It prevents the `case' abusing the `charity' by spending
the money on drink.  It advertises the benevolence of the donors: and
it enables the grocer - who is usually a member of the church - to get
rid of any stale or damaged stock he may have on hand.

When these visiting ladies' went into a workman's house and found it
clean and decently furnished, and the children clean and tidy, they
came to the conclusion that those people were not suitable `cases' for
assistance.  Perhaps the children had had next to nothing to eat, and
would have been in rags if the mother had not worked like a slave
washing and mending their clothes.  But these were not the sort of
cases that the visiting ladies assisted; they only gave to those who
were in a state of absolute squalor and destitution, and then only on
condition that they whined and grovelled.

In addition to this district visitor business, the well-to-do
inhabitants and the local authorities attempted - or rather,
pretended - to grapple with the poverty `problem' in many other ways,
and the columns of the local papers were filled with letters from all
sorts of cranks who suggested various remedies.  One individual, whose
income was derived from brewery shares, attributed the prevailing
distress to the drunken and improvident habits of the lower orders.
Another suggested that it was a Divine protest against the growth of
Ritualism and what he called `fleshly religion', and suggested a day
of humiliation and prayer.  A great number of well-fed persons thought
this such an excellent proposition that they proceeded to put it into
practice.  They prayed, whilst the unemployed and the little children

If one had not been oppressed by the tragedy of Want and Misery, one
might have laughed at the farcical, imbecile measures that were taken
to relieve it.  Several churches held what they called `Rummage' or
`jumble' sales.  They sent out circulars something like this:

                              JUMBLE SALE
                       in aid of the Unemployed.

    If you have any articles of any description which are of no
    further use to you, we should be grateful for them, and if you
    will kindly fill in annexed form and post it to us, we will send
    and collect them.

On the day of the sale the parish room was transformed into a kind of
Marine Stores, filled with all manner of rubbish, with the parson and
the visiting ladies grinning in the midst.  The things were sold for
next to nothing to such as cared to buy them, and the local
rag-and-bone man reaped a fine harvest.  The proceeds of these sales
were distributed in `charity' and it was usually a case of much cry
and little wool.

There was a religious organization, called `The Mugsborough Skull and
Crossbones Boys', which existed for the purpose of perpetuating the
great religious festival of Guy Fawkes.  This association also came to
the aid of the unemployed and organized a Grand Fancy Dress Carnival
and Torchlight Procession.  When this took place, although there was a
slight sprinkling of individuals dressed in tawdry costumes as
cavaliers of the time of Charles I, and a few more as highwaymen or
footpads, the majority of the processionists were boys in women's
clothes, or wearing sacks with holes cut in them for their heads and
arms, and with their faces smeared with soot.  There were also a
number of men carrying frying-pans in which they burnt red and blue
fire.  The procession - or rather, mob - was headed by a band, and the
band was headed by two men, arm in arm, one very tall, dressed to
represent Satan, in red tights, with horns on his head, and smoking a
large cigar, and the other attired in the no less picturesque costume
of a bishop of the Established Church.

This crew paraded the town, howling and dancing, carrying flaring
torches, burning the blue and red fire, and some of them singing silly
or obscene songs; whilst the collectors ran about with the boxes
begging for money from people who were in most cases nearly as
poverty-stricken as the unemployed they were asked to assist.  The
money thus obtained was afterwards handed over to the Secretary of the
Organized Benevolence Society, Mr Sawney Grinder.

Then there was the Soup Kitchen, which was really an inferior
eating-house in a mean street.  The man who ran this was a relative of
the secretary of the OBS.  He cadged all the ingredients for the soup
from different tradespeople: bones and scraps of meat from butchers:
pea meal and split peas from provision dealers: vegetables from
greengrocers: stale bread from bakers, and so on.  Well-intentioned,
charitable old women with more money than sense sent him donations in
cash, and he sold the soup for a penny a basin - or a penny a quart to
those who brought jugs.

He had a large number of shilling books printed, each containing
thirteen penny tickets.  The Organized Benevolence Society bought a
lot of these books and resold them to benevolent persons, or gave them
away to `deserving cases'.  It was this connection with the OBS that
gave the Soup Kitchen a semi-official character in the estimation of
the public, and furnished the proprietor with the excuse for cadging
the materials and money donations.

In the case of the Soup Kitchen, as with the unemployed processions,
most of those who benefited were unskilled labourers or derelicts:
with but few exceptions the unemployed artisans - although their need
was just as great as that of the others - avoided the place as if it
were infected with the plague.  They were afraid even to pass through
the street where it was situated lest anyone seeing them coming from
that direction should think they had been there.  But all the same,
some of them allowed their children to go there by stealth, by night,
to buy some of this charity-tainted food.

Another brilliant scheme, practical and statesmanlike, so different
from the wild projects of demented Socialists, was started by the Rev.
Mr Bosher, a popular preacher, the Vicar of the fashionable Church of
the Whited Sepulchre.  He collected some subscriptions from a number
of semi-imbecile old women who attended his church.  With some of this
money he bought a quantity of timber and opened what he called a
Labour Yard, where he employed a number of men sawing firewood.  Being
a clergyman, and because he said he wanted it for a charitable
purpose, of course he obtained the timber very cheaply - for about
half what anyone else would have had to pay for it.

The wood-sawing was done piecework.  A log of wood about the size of a
railway sleeper had to be sawn into twelve pieces, and each of these
had to be chopped into four.  For sawing and chopping one log in this
manner the worker was paid ninepence.  One log made two bags of
firewood, which were sold for a shilling each - a trifle under the
usual price.  The men who delivered the bags were paid three
half-pence for each two bags.

As there were such a lot of men wanting to do this work, no one was
allowed to do more than three lots in one day - that came to two
shillings and threepence - and no one was allowed to do more than two
days in one week.

The Vicar had a number of bills printed and displayed in shop windows
calling attention to what he was doing, and informing the public that
orders could be sent to the Vicarage by post and would receive prompt
attention and the fuel could be delivered at any address - Messrs
Rushton & Co. having very kindly lent a handcart for the use of the
men employed at the Labour Yard.

As a result of the appearance of this bill, and of the laudatory
notices in the columns of the Ananias, the Obscurer, and the
Chloroform - the papers did not mind giving the business a free
advertisement, because it was a charitable concern - many persons
withdrew their custom from those who usually supplied them with
firewood, and gave their orders to the Yard; and they had the
satisfaction of getting their fuel cheaper than before and of
performing a charitable action at the same time.

As a remedy for unemployment this scheme was on a par with the method
of the tailor in the fable who thought to lengthen his cloth by
cutting a piece off one end and sewing it on to the other; but there
was one thing about it that recommended it to the Vicar - it was
self-supporting.  He found that there would be no need to use all the
money he had extracted from the semi-imbecile old ladies for timber,
so he bought himself a Newfoundland dog, an antique set of carved
ivory chessmen, and a dozen bottles of whisky with the remainder of
the cash.

The reverend gentleman hit upon yet another means of helping the poor.
He wrote a letter to the Weekly Chloroform appealing for cast-off
boots  for poor children.  This was considered such a splendid idea
that the  editors of all the local papers referred to it in leading
articles, and several other letters were written by prominent citizens
extolling the wisdom and benevolence of the profound Bosher.  Most of
the boots that were sent in response to this appeal had been worn
until they needed repair - in a very large proportion of instances,
until they were beyond repair.  The poor people to whom they were
given could not afford to have them mended before using them, and the
result was that the boots generally began to fall to pieces after a
few days' wear.

This scheme amounted to very little.  It did not increase the
number of cast-off boots, and most of the people who `cast off' their
boots generally gave them to someone or other.  The only difference It
can have made was that possibly a few persons who usually threw their
boots away or sold them to second-hand dealers may have been induced
to send them to Mr Bosher instead.  But all the same nearly everybody
said it was a splendid idea: its originator was applauded as a public
benefactor, and the pettifogging busybodies who amused themselves with
what they were pleased to term `charitable work' went into imbecile
ecstasies over him.

Chapter 36


One of the most important agencies for the relief of distress was the
Organized Benevolence Society.  This association received money from
many sources.  The proceeds of the fancy-dress carnival; the
collections from different churches and chapels which held special
services in aid of the unemployed; the weekly collections made by the
employees of several local firms and business houses; the proceeds of
concerts, bazaars, and entertainments, donations from charitable
persons, and the subscriptions of the members.  The society also
received large quantities of cast-off clothing and boots, and tickets
of admission to hospitals, convalescent homes and dispensaries from
subscribers to those institutions, or from people like Rushton & Co.,
who had collecting-boxes in their workshops and offices.

Altogether during the last year the Society had received from various
sources about three hundred pounds in hard cash.  This money was
devoted to the relief of cases of distress.

The largest item in the expenditure of the Society was the salary of
the General Secretary, Mr Sawney Grinder - a most deserving case - who
was paid one hundred pounds a year.

After the death of the previous secretary there were so many
candidates for the vacant post that the election of the new secretary
was a rather exciting affair.  The excitement was all the more intense
because it was restrained.  A special meeting of the society was held:
the Mayor, Alderman Sweater, presided, and amongst those present were
Councillors Rushton, Didlum and Grinder, Mrs Starvem, Rev. Mr Bosher,
a number of the rich, semi-imbecile old women who had helped to open
the Labour Yard, and several other `ladies'.  Some of these were the
district visitors already alluded to, most of them the wives of
wealthy citizens and retired tradesmen, richly dressed, ignorant,
insolent, overbearing frumps, who - after filling themselves with good
things in their own luxurious homes - went flouncing into the
poverty-stricken dwellings of their poor `sisters' and talked to them
of `religion', lectured them about sobriety and thrift, and -
sometimes - gave them tickets for soup or orders for shillingsworths
of groceries or coal.  Some of these overfed females - the wives of
tradesmen, for instance - belonged to the Organized Benevolence
Society, and engaged in this `work' for the purpose of becoming
acquainted with people of superior social position - one of the
members was a colonel, and Sir Graball D'Encloseland - the Member of
Parliament for the borough - also belonged to the Society and
occasionally attended its meetings.  Others took up district visiting
as a hobby; they had nothing to do, and being densely ignorant and of
inferior mentality, they had no desire or capacity for any
intellectual pursuit.  So they took up this work for the pleasure of
playing the grand lady and the superior person at a very small
expense.  Other of these visiting ladies were middle-aged, unmarried
women with small private incomes - some of them well-meaning,
compassionate, gentle creatures who did this work because they
sincerely desired to help others, and they knew of no better way.
These did not take much part in the business of the meetings; they
paid their subscriptions and helped to distribute the cast-off
clothing and boots to those who needed them, and occasionally obtained
from the secretary an order for provisions or coal or bread for some
poverty-stricken family; but the poor, toil-worn women whom they
visited welcomed them more for their sisterly sympathy than for the
gifts they brought.  Some of the visiting ladies were of this
character - but they were not many.  They were as a few fragrant
flowers amidst a dense accumulation of noxious weeds.  They were
examples of humility and kindness shining amidst a vile and loathsome
mass of hypocrisy, arrogance, and cant.

When the Chairman had opened the meeting, Mr Rushton moved a vote of
condolence with the relatives of the late secretary whom he eulogized
in the most extraordinary terms.

`The poor of Mugsborough had lost a kind and sympathetic friend', `One
who had devoted his life to helping the needy', and so on and so
forth.  (As a matter of fact, most of the time of the defunct had been
passed in helping himself, but Rushton said nothing about that.)

Mr Didlum seconded the vote of condolence in similar terms, and it was
carried unanimously.  Then the Chairman said that the next business
was to elect a successor to the departed paragon; and immediately no
fewer than nine members rose to propose a suitable person - they each
had a noble-minded friend or relative willing to sacrifice himself for
the good of the poor.

The nine Benevolent stood looking at each other and at the Chairman
with sickly smiles upon their hypocritical faces.  It was a dramatic
moment.  No one spoke.  It was necessary to be careful.  It would
never do to have a contest.  The Secretary of the OBS was usually
regarded as a sort of philanthropist by the outside public, and it was
necessary to keep this fiction alive.

For one or two minutes an awkward silence reigned.  Then, one after
another they all reluctantly resumed their seats with the exception
of Mr Amos Grinder, who said he wished to propose his nephew, Mr
Sawney Grinder, a young man of a most benevolent disposition who
was desirous of immolating himself upon the altar of charity for the
benefit of the poor - or words to that effect.

Mr Didlum seconded, and there being no other nomination - for they all
knew that it would give the game away to have a contest - the Chairman
put Mr Grinder's proposal to the meeting and declared it carried

Another considerable item in the expenditure of the society was the
rent of the offices - a house in a back street.  The landlord of this
place was another very deserving case.

There were numerous other expenses: stationery and stamps, printing,
and so on, and what was left of the money was used for the purpose for
which it had been given - a reasonable amount being kept in hand for
future expenses.  All the details were of course duly set forth in the
Report and Balance Sheet at the annual meetings.  No copy of this
document was ever handed to the reporters for publication; it was read
to the meeting by the Secretary; the representatives of the Press took
notes, and in the reports of the meeting that subsequently appeared in
the local papers the thing was so mixed up and garbled together that
the few people who read it could not make head or tail of it.  The
only thing that was clear was that the society had been doing a great
deal of good to someone or other, and that more money was urgently
needed to carry on the work.  It usually appeared something like this:

                            HELPING THE NEEDY
                 Mugsborough Organized Benevolence Society
                      Annual Meeting at the Town Hall

           A Splendid record of Miscellaneous and Valuable Work.

    The annual meeting of the above Society was held yesterday at the
    Town Hall.  The Mayor, Alderman Sweater, presided, and amongst
    those present were Sir Graball D'Encloseland, Lady D'Encloseland,
    Lady Slumrent.  Rev. Mr Bosher, Mr Cheeseman, Mrs Bilder, Mrs
    Grosare, Mrs Daree, Mrs Butcher, Mrs Taylor, Mrs Baker, Mrs
    Starvem, Mrs Slodging, Mrs M. B. Sile, Mrs Knobrane, Mrs M. T.
    Head, Mr Rushton, Mr Didlum, Mr Grinder and (here followed about a
    quarter of a column of names of other charitable persons, all
    subscribers to the Society).

    The Secretary read the annual report which contained the following
    amongst other interesting items:

    During the year, 1,972 applications for assistance have been
    received, and of this number 1,302 have been assisted as follows:
    Bread or grocery orders, 273.  Coal or coke orders, 57.
    Nourishment 579.  (Applause.)  Pairs of boots granted, 29.
    Clothing, 105.  Crutch granted to poor man, 1.  Nurses provided,
    2.   Hospital tickets, 26.   Sent to Consumption Sanatorium, 1.
    Twenty-nine persons, whose cases being chronic, were referred to
    the Poor Law Guardians.  Work found for 19 persons.  (Cheers.)
    Pedlar's licences, 4.  Dispensary tickets, 24.  Bedding redeemed,
    1. Loans granted to people to enable them to pay their rent, 8.
    (Loud cheers.)  Dental tickets, 2.  Railway fares for men who were
    going away from the town to employment elsewhere, 12.  (Great
    cheering.)  Loans granted, 5.  Advertisements for employment, 4 -
    and so on.

There was about another quarter of a column of these details, the
reading of which was punctuated with applause and concluded with:
`Leaving 670 cases which for various reasons the Society was unable to
assist'.  The report then went on to explain that the work of
inquiring into the genuineness of the applications entailed a lot of
labour on the part of the Secretary, some cases taking several days.
No fewer than 649 letters had been sent out from the office, and 97
postcards.  (Applause.)  Very few cash gifts were granted, as it was
most necessary to guard against the Charity being abused.  (Hear,

Then followed a most remarkable paragraph headed `The Balance Sheet',
which - as it was put - `included the following'.  `The following' was
a jumbled list of items of expenditure, subscriptions, donations,
legacies, and collections, winding up with `the general summary showed
a balance in hand of 178.4.6'.  (They always kept a good balance in
hand because of the Secretary's salary and the rent of the offices.)

After this very explicit financial statement came the most important
part of the report: `Thanks are expressed to Sir Graball D'Encloseland
for a donation of 2 guineas.  Mrs Grosare, 1 guinea.  Mrs Starvem,
Hospital tickets.  Lady Slumrent, letter of admission to Convalescent
Home.  Mrs Knobrane, 1 guinea.  Mrs M.B. Sile, 1 guinea.  Mrs M.T.
Head, 1 guinea.  Mrs Sledging, gifts of clothing - and so on for
another quarter of a column, the whole concluding with a vote of
thanks to the Secretary and an urgent appeal to the charitable public
for more funds to enable the Society to continue its noble work.

Meantime, in spite of this and kindred organizations the conditions of
the under-paid poverty stricken and unemployed workers remained the
same. Although the people who got the grocery and coal orders, the
`Nourishment', and the cast-off clothes and boots, were very glad to
have them, yet these things did far more harm than good.  They
humiliated, degraded and pauperized those who received them, and the
existence of the societies prevented the problem being grappled with
in a sane and practical manner.  The people lacked the necessaries of
life: the necessaries of life are produced by Work: these people were
willing to work, but were prevented from doing so by the idiotic
system of society which these `charitable' people are determined to do
their best to perpetuate.

If the people who expect to be praised and glorified for being
charitable were never to give another farthing it would be far better
for the industrious poor, because then the community as a whole would
be compelled to deal with the absurd and unnecessary state of affairs
that exists today - millions of people living and dying in
wretchedness and poverty in an age when science and machinery have
made it possible to produce such an abundance of everything that
everyone might enjoy plenty and comfort.  It if were not for all this
so-called charity the starving unemployed men all over the country
would demand to be allowed to work and produce the things they are
perishing for want of, instead of being - as they are now - content to
wear their masters' cast-off clothing and to eat the crumbs that fall
from his table.

Chapter 37

A Brilliant Epigram

All through the winter, the wise, practical, philanthropic, fat
persons whom the people of Mugsborough had elected to manage their
affairs - or whom they permitted to manage them without being
elected - continued to grapple, or to pretend to grapple, with the
`problem' of unemployment and poverty.  They continued to hold
meetings, rummage and jumble sales, entertainments and special
services.  They continued to distribute the rotten cast-off clothing
and boots, and the nourishment tickets.  They were all so sorry for
the poor, especially for the `dear little children'.  They did all
sorts of things to help the children.  In fact, there was nothing that
they would not do for them except levy a halfpenny rate.  It would
never do to do that.  It might pauperize the parents and destroy
parental responsibility.  They evidently thought that it would be
better to destroy the health or even the lives of the `dear little
children' than to pauperize the parents or undermine parental
responsibility.  These people seemed to think that the children were
the property of their parents.  They did not have sense enough to see
that the children are not the property of their parents at all, but
the property of the community.  When they attain to manhood and
womanhood they will be, if mentally or physically inefficient, a
burden on the community; if they become criminals, they will prey upon
the community, and if they are healthy, educated and brought up in
good surroundings, they will become useful citizens, able to render
valuable service, not merely to their parents, but to the community.
Therefore the children are the property of the community, and it is
the business and to the interest of the community to see that their
constitutions are not undermined by starvation.  The Secretary of the
local Trades Council, a body formed of delegates from all the
different trades unions in the town, wrote a letter to the Obscurer,
setting forth this view.  He pointed out that a halfpenny rate in that
town would produce a sum of 800, which would be more than sufficient
to provide food for all the hungry schoolchildren.  In the next issue
of the paper several other letters appeared from leading citizens,
including, of course, Sweater, Rushton, Didlum and Grinder, ridiculing
the proposal of the Trades Council, who were insultingly alluded to as
`pothouse politicians', `beer-sodden agitators' and so forth.  Their
right to be regarded as representatives of the working men was denied,
and Grinder, who, having made inquiries amongst working men, was
acquainted with the facts, stated that there was scarcely one of the
local branches of the trades unions which had more than a dozen
members; and as Grinder's statement was true, the Secretary was unable
to contradict it.  The majority of the working men were also very
indignant when they heard about the Secretary's letter: they said the
rates were quite high enough as it was, and they sneered at him for
presuming to write to the papers at all:

`Who the bloody 'ell was 'e?' they said.  `'E was not a Gentleman!  'E
was only a workin' man the same as themselves - a common carpenter!
What the 'ell did 'e know about it?  Nothing.  'E was just trying to
make 'isself out to be Somebody, that was all.  The idea of one of the
likes of them writing to the papers!'

One day, having nothing better to do, Owen was looking at some books
that were exposed for sale on a table outside a second-hand furniture
shop.  One book in particular took his attention: he read several
pages with great interest, and regretted that he had not the necessary
sixpence to buy it.  The title of the book was: Consumption: Its
Causes and Its Cure.  The author was a well-known physician who
devoted his whole attention to the study of that disease.  Amongst
other things, the book gave rules for the feeding of delicate
children, and there were also several different dietaries recommended
for adult persons suffering from the disease.  One of these dietaries
amused him very much, because as far as the majority of those who
suffer from consumption are concerned, the good doctor might just as
well have prescribed a trip to the moon:

`Immediately on waking in the morning, half a pint of milk - this
should be hot, if possible - with a small slice of bread and butter.

`At breakfast: half a pint of milk, with coffee, chocolate, or
oatmeal: eggs and bacon, bread and butter, or dry toast.

`At eleven o'clock: half a pint of milk with an egg beaten up in it or
some beef tea and bread and butter.

`At one o'clock: half a pint of warm milk with a biscuit or sandwich.

`At two o'clock: fish and roast mutton, or a mutton chop, with as much
fat as possible: poultry, game, etc., may be taken with vegetables,
and milk pudding.

`At five o'clock: hot milk with coffee or chocolate, bread and butter,
watercress, etc.

`At eight o'clock: a pint of milk, with oatmeal or chocolate, and
gluten bread, or two lightly boiled eggs with bread and butter.

`Before retiring to rest: a glass of warm milk.

`During the night: a glass of milk with a biscuit or bread and butter
should be placed by the bedside and be eaten if the patient awakes.'

Whilst Owen was reading this book, Crass, Harlow, Philpot and Easton
were talking together on the other side of the street, and presently
Crass caught sight of him.  They had been discussing the Secretary's
letter re the halfpenny rate, and as Owen was one of the members of
the Trades Council, Crass suggested that they should go across and
tackle him about it.

`How much is your house assessed at?' asked Owen after listening for
about a quarter of an hour to Crass's objection.

`Fourteen pound,' replied Crass.

`That means that you would have to pay sevenpence per year if we had a
halfpenny rate.  Wouldn't it be worth sevenpence a year to you to know
that there were no starving children in the town?'

`Why should I 'ave to 'elp to keep the children of a man who's too
lazy to work, or spends all 'is money on drink?' shouted Crass.  `'Ow
are yer goin' to make out about the likes o' them?'

`If his children are starving we should feed them first, and punish
him afterwards.'

`The rates is quite high enough as it is,' grumbled Harlow, who had
four children himself.

`That's quite true, but you must remember that the rates the working
classes at present pay are spent mostly for the benefit of other
people.  Good roads are maintained for people who ride in motor cars
and carriages; the Park and the Town Band for those who have leisure
to enjoy them; the Police force to protect the property of those who
have something to lose, and so on.  But if we pay this rate we shall
get something for our money.'

`We gets the benefit of the good roads when we 'as to push a 'andcart
with a load o' paint and ladders,' said Easton.

`Of course,' said Crass, `and besides, the workin' class gets the
benefit of all the other things too, because it all makes work.'

`Well, for my part,' said Philpot, `I wouldn't mind payin' my share
towards a 'appeny rate, although I ain't got no kids o' me own.'

The hostility of most of.the working men to the proposed rate was
almost as bitter as that of the `better' classes - the noble-minded
philanthropists who were always gushing out their sympathy for the
`dear little ones', the loathsome hypocrites who pretended that there
was no need to levy a rate because they were willing to give
sufficient money in the form of charity to meet the case: but the
children continued to go hungry all the same.

`Loathsome hypocrites' may seem a hard saying, but it was a matter of
common knowledge that the majority of the children attending the local
elementary schools were insufficiently fed.  It was admitted that the
money that could be raised by a halfpenny rate would be more than
sufficient to provide them all with one good meal every day.  The
charity-mongers who professed such extravagant sympathy with the `dear
little children' resisted the levying of the rate `because it would
press so heavily on the poorer ratepayers', and said that they were
willing to give more in voluntary charity than the rate would amount
to: but, the `dear little children' - as they were so fond of calling
them - continued to go to school hungry all the same.

To judge them by their profession. and their performances, it appeared
that these good kind persons were willing to do any mortal thing for
the `dear little children' except allow them to be fed.

If these people had really meant to do what they pretended, they would
not have cared whether they paid the money to a rate-collector or to
the secretary of a charity society and they would have preferred to
accomplish their object in the most efficient and economical way.

But although they would not allow the children to be fed, they went to
church and to chapel, glittering with jewellery, their fat carcases
clothed in rich raiment, and sat with smug smiles upon their faces
listening to the fat parsons reading out of a Book that none of them
seemed able to understand, for this was what they read:

`And Jesus called a little child unto Him, and set him in the midst of
them, and said: Whosoever shall receive one such little child in My
name, receiveth Me.  But whoso shall offend one of these little ones,
it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and
that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

`Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones, for I say
unto you that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of My

And this: `Then shall He say unto them: Depart from me, ye cursed,
into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I
was an hungered and ye gave Me no meat: I was thirsty and ye gave Me
no drink: I was a stranger and ye took Me not in; naked, and ye
clothed Me not.

`Then shall they answer: "Lord, when saw we Thee an hungered or
athirst or a stranger or naked, or sick, and did not minister unto
Thee?" and He shall answer them, "Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as
ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to Me."'

These were the sayings that the infidel parsons mouthed in the infidel
temples to the richly dressed infidel congregations, who heard but did
not understand, for their hearts were become gross and their ears dull
of hearing.  And meantime, all around them, in the alley and the slum,
and more terrible still - because more secret - in the better sort of
streets where lived die respectable class of skilled artisans, the
little children became thinner and paler day by day for lack of proper
food, and went to bed early because there was no fire.

Sir Graball D'Encloseland, the Member of Parliament for the borough,
was one of the bitterest opponents of the halfpenny rate, but as he
thought it was probable that there would soon be another General
Election and he wanted the children's fathers to vote for him again,
he was willing to do something for them in another way.  He had a
ten-year-old daughter whose birthday was in that month, so the kind-
hearted Baronet made arrangements to give a Tea to all the school
children in the town in honour of the occasion.  The tea was served in
the schoolrooms and each child was presented with a gilt-edged card on
which was a printed portrait of the little hostess, with `From your
loving little friend, Honoria D'Encloseland', in gold letters. During
the evening the little girl, accompanied by Sir Graball and Lady
D'Encloseland, motored round to all the schools where the tea was
being consumed: the Baronet made a few remarks, and Honoria made a
pretty little speech, specially learnt for the occasion, at each
place, and they were loudly cheered and greatly admired in response.
The enthusiasm was not confined to the boys and girls, for while the
speechmaking was going on inside, a little crowd of grown-up children
were gathered round outside the entrance, worshipping the motor car:
and when the little party came out the crowd worshipped them also,
going into imbecile ecstasies of admiration of their benevolence and
their beautiful clothes.

For several weeks everybody in the town was in raptures over this tea -
or, rather, everybody except a miserable little minority of
Socialists, who said it was bribery, an electioneering dodge, that did
no real good, and who continued to clamour for a halfpenny rate.

Another specious fraud was the `Distress Committee'.  This body - or
corpse, for there was not much vitality in it - was supposed to exist
for the purpose of providing employment for `deserving cases'.  One
might be excused for thinking that any man - no matter what his past
may have been - who is willing to work for his living is a `deserving
case': but this was evidently not the opinion of the persons who
devised the regulations for the working of this committee.  Every
applicant for work was immediately given a long job, and presented
with a double sheet of foolscap paper to do it with.  Now, if the
object of the committee had been to furnish the applicant with
material for the manufacture of an appropriate headdress for himself,
no one could reasonably have found fault with them: but the foolscap
was not to be utilized in that way; it was called a `Record Paper',
three pages of it were covered with insulting, inquisitive, irrelevant
questions concerning the private affairs and past life of the `case'
who wished to be permitted to work for his living, and all these had
to be answered to the satisfaction of Messrs D'Encloseland, Bosher,
Sweater, Rushton, Didlum, Grinder and the other members of the
committee, before the case stood any chance of getting employment.

However, notwithstanding the offensive nature of the questions on the
application form, during the five months that this precious committee
was in session, no fewer than 1,237 broken-spirited and humble `lion's
whelps' filled up the forms and answered the questions as meekly as if
they had been sheep.  The funds of the committee consisted of 500,
obtained from the Imperial Exchequer, and about 250 in charitable
donations.  This money was used to pay wages for certain work - some
of which would have had to be done even if the committee had never
existed - and if each of the 1,237 applicants had had an equal share
of the work, the wages they would have received would have amounted to
about twelve shillings each.  This was what the `practical' persons,
the `business-men', called `dealing with the problem of unemployment'.
Imagine having to keep your family for five months with twelve

And, if you like, imagine that the Government grant had been four
times as much as it was, and that the charity had amounted to four
times as much as it did, and then fancy having to keep your family for
five months with two pounds eight shillings!

It is true that some of the members of the committee would have been
very glad if they had been able to put the means of earning a living
within the reach of every man who was willing to work; but they simply
did not know what to do, or how to do it.  They were not ignorant of
the reality of the evil they were supposed to be `dealing with' -
appalling evidences of it faced them on every side, and as, after all,
these committee men were human beings and not devils, they would have
been glad to mitigate it if they could have done so without hurting
themselves: but the truth was that they did not know what to do!

These are the `practical' men; the monopolists of intelligence, the
wise individuals who control the affairs of the world: it is in
accordance with the ideas of such men as these that the conditions of
human life are regulated.

This is the position:

It is admitted that never before in the history of mankind was it
possible to produce the necessaries of life in such abundance as at

The management of the affairs of the world  the business of arranging
the conditions under which we live - is at present in the hands of
Practical, Level-headed, Sensible Business-men.

The result of their management is, that the majority of the people
find it a hard struggle to live.  Large numbers exist in perpetual
poverty: a great many more periodically starve: many actually die of
want: hundreds destroy themselves rather than continue to live and

When the Practical, Level-headed, Sensible Business-men are asked why
they do not remedy this state of things, they reply that they do not
know what to do! or, that it is impossible to remedy it!

And yet it is admitted that it is now possible to produce the
necessaries of life, in greater abundance than ever before!

With lavish kindness, the Supreme Being had provided all things
necessary for the existence and happiness of his creatures.  To
suggest that it is not so is a blasphemous lie: it is to suggest that
the Supreme Being is not good or even just.  On every side there is an
overflowing superfluity of the materials requisite for the production
of all the necessaries of life: from these materials everything we
need may be produced in abundance - by Work.  Here was an army of
people lacking the things that may be made by work, standing idle.
Willing to work; clamouring to be allowed to work, and the Practical,
Level-headed, Sensible Business-men did not know what to do!

Of course, the real reason for the difficulty is that the raw
materials that were created for the use and benefit of all have been
stolen by a small number, who refuse to allow them to be used for the
purposes for which they were intended.  This numerically insignificant
minority refused to allow the majority to work and produce the things
they need; and what work they do graciously permit to be done is not
done with the object of producing the necessaries of life for those
who work, but for the purpose of creating profit for their masters.

And then, strangest fact of all, the people who find it a hard
struggle to live, or who exist in dreadful poverty and sometimes
starve, instead of trying to understand the causes of their misery and
to find out a remedy themselves, spend all their time applauding the
Practical, Sensible, Level-headed Business-men, who bungle and
mismanage their affairs, and pay them huge salaries for doing so.  Sir
Graball D'Encloseland, for instance, was a `Secretary of State' and was
paid 5,000 a year.  When he first got the job the wages were only a
beggarly 2,000, but as he found it impossible to exist on less than
100 a week he decided to raise his salary to that amount; and the
foolish people who find it a hard struggle to live paid it willingly,
and when they saw the beautiful motor car and the lovely clothes and
jewellery he purchased for his wife with the money, and heard the
Great Speech he made - telling them how the shortage of everything was
caused by Over-production and Foreign Competition, they clapped their
hands and went frantic with admiration.  Their only regret was that
there were no horses attached to the motor car, because if there had
been, they could have taken them out and harnessed themselves to it

Nothing delighted the childish minds of these poor people so much as
listening to or reading extracts from the speeches of such men as
these; so in order to amuse them, every now and then, in the midst of
all the wretchedness, some of the great statesmen made `great
speeches' full of cunning phrases intended to hoodwink the fools who
had elected them.  The very same week that Sir Graball's salary was
increased to 5,000 a year, all the papers were full of a very fine
one that he made.  They appeared with large headlines like this:


                          Brilliant Epigram!

    None should have more than they need, whilst any have less than
    they need!

The hypocrisy of such a saying in the mouth of a man who was drawing a
salary of five thousand pounds a year did not appear to occur to
anyone.  On the contrary, the hired scribes of the capitalist Press
wrote columns of fulsome admiration of the miserable claptrap, and the
working men who had elected this man went into raptures over the
`Brilliant Epigram' as if it were good to eat.  They cut it out of the
papers and carried it about with them: they showed it to each other:
they read it and repeated it to each other: they wondered at it and
were delighted with it, grinning and gibbering at each other in the
exuberance of their imbecile enthusiasm.

The Distress Committee was not the only body pretending to `deal' with
the poverty `problem': its efforts were supplemented by all the other
agencies already mentioned - the Labour Yard, the Rummage Sales, the
Organized Benevolence Society, and so on, to say nothing of a most
benevolent scheme originated by the management of Sweater's Emporium,
who announced in a letter that was published in the local Press that
they were prepared to employ fifty men for one week to carry sandwich
boards at one shilling - and a loaf of bread - per day.

They got the men; some unskilled labourers, a few old, worn out
artisans whom misery had deprived of the last vestiges of pride or
shame; a number of habitual drunkards and loafers, and a non-descript
lot of poor ragged old men - old soldiers and others of whom it would
be impossible to say what they had once been.

The procession of sandwich men was headed by the Semi-drunk and the
Besotted Wretch, and each board was covered with a printed poster:
`Great Sale of Ladies' Blouses now Proceeding at Adam Sweater's

Besides this artful scheme of Sweater's for getting a good
advertisement on the cheap, numerous other plans for providing
employment or alleviating the prevailing misery were put forward in
the columns of the local papers and at the various meetings that were
held.  Any foolish, idiotic, useless suggestion was certain to receive
respectful attention; any crafty plan devised in his own interest or
for his own profit by one or other of the crew of sweaters and
landlords who controlled the town was sure to be approved of by the
other inhabitants of Mugsborough, the majority of whom were persons of
feeble intellect who not only allowed themselves to be robbed and
exploited by a few cunning scoundrels, but venerated and applauded
them for doing it.

Chapter 38

The Brigands' Cave

One evening in the drawing-room at `The Cave' there was a meeting of a
number of the `Shining Lights' to arrange the details of a Rummage
Sale, that was to be held in aid of the unemployed.  It was an
informal affair, and while they were waiting for the other luminaries,
the early arrivals, Messrs Rushton, Didlum and Grinder, Mr Oyley
Sweater, the Borough Surveyor, Mr Wireman, the electrical engineer who
had been engaged as an `expert' to examine and report on the Electric
Light Works, and two or three other gentlemen - all members of the
Band - took advantage of the opportunity to discuss a number of things
they were mutually interested in, which were to be dealt with at the
meeting of the Town Council the next day.  First, there was the affair
of the untenanted Kiosk on the Grand Parade.  This building belonged
to the Corporation, and `The Cosy Corner Refreshment Coy.' of which Mr
Grinder was the managing director, was thinking of hiring it to open
as a high-class refreshment lounge, provided the Corporation would
make certain alterations and let the place at a reasonable rent.
Another item which was to be discussed at the Council meeting was Mr
Sweater's generous offer to the Corporation respecting the new drain
connecting `The Cave' with the Town Main.

The report of Mr Wireman, the electrical expert, was also to be dealt
with, and afterwards a resolution in favour of the purchase of the
Mugsborough Electric light and Installation Co. Ltd by the town, was
to be proposed.

In addition to these matters, several other items, including a
proposal by Mr Didlum for an important reform in the matter of
conducting the meetings of the Council, formed subjects for animated
conversation between the brigands and their host.

During this discussion other luminaries arrived, including several
ladies and the Rev. Mr Bosher, of the Church of the Whited Sepulchre.

The drawing-room of `The Cave' was now elaborately furnished.  A large
mirror in a richly gilt frame reached from the carved marble
mantelpiece to the cornice.  A magnificent clock in an alabaster case
stood in the centre of the mantelpiece and was flanked by two
exquisitely painted and gilded vases of Dresden ware.  The windows
were draped with costly hangings, the floor was covered with a
luxurious carpet and expensive rugs.  Sumptuously upholstered couches
and easy chairs added to the comfort of the apartment, which was
warmed by the immense fire of coal and oak logs that blazed and
crackled in the grate.

The conversation now became general and at times highly philosophical
in character, although Mr Bosher did not take much part, being too
busily engaged gobbling up the biscuits and tea, and only occasionally
spluttering out a reply when a remark or question was directly
addressed to him.

This was Mr Grinder's first visit at the house, and he expressed his
admiration of the manner in which the ceiling and the walls were
decorated, remarking that he had always liked this 'ere Japanese style.

Mr Bosher, with his mouth full of biscuit, mumbled that it was sweetly
pretty - charming - beautifully done - must have cost a lot of money.

`Hardly wot you'd call Japanese, though, is it?' observed Didlum,
looking round with the air of a connoisseur.  `I should be inclined to
say it was rather more of the - er - Chinese or Egyptian.'

`Moorish,' explained Mr Sweater with a smile.  `I got the idear at the
Paris Exhibition.  It's simler to the decorations in the "Halambara",
the palace of the Sultan of Morocco.  That clock there is in the same

The case of the clock referred to - which stood on a table in a corner
of the room - was of fretwork, in the form of an Indian Mosque, with a
pointed dome and pinnacles.  This was the case that Mary Linden had
sold to Didlum; the latter had had it stained a dark colour and
polished and further improved it by substituting a clock of more
suitable design than the one it originally held.  Mr Sweater had
noticed it in Didlum's window and, seeing that the design was similar
in character to the painted decorations on the ceiling and walls of
his drawing-room, had purchased it.

`I went to the Paris Exhibition meself,' said Grinder, when everyone
had admired the exquisite workmanship of the clock-case.  `I remember
'avin' a look at the moon through that big telescope.  I was never so
surprised in me life: you can see it quite plain, and it's round!'

`Round?' said Didlum with a puzzled look.  `Round?  Of course it's
round!  You didn't used to think it was square, did yer?'

`No, of course not, but I always used to think it was flat - like a
plate, but it's round like a football.'

`Certainly: the moon is a very simler body to the earth,' explained
Didlum, describing an aerial circle with a wave of his hand.  They
moves through the air together, but the earth is always nearest to the
sun and consequently once a fortnight the shadder of the earth falls
on the moon and darkens it so that it's invisible to the naked eye.
The new moon is caused by the moon movin' a little bit out of the
earth's shadder, and it keeps on comin' more and more until we gets
the full moon; and then it goes back again into the shadder; and so it
keeps on.'

For about a minute everyone looked very solemn, and the profound
silence was disturbed only the the crunching of the biscuits between
the jaws of Mr Bosher, and by certain gurglings in the interior of
that gentleman.

`Science is a wonderful thing,' said Mr Sweater at length, wagging his
head gravely, `wonderful!'

`Yes: but a lot of it is mere theory, you know,' observed Rushton.
`Take this idear that the world is round, for instance; I fail to see
it!  And then they say as Hawstralia is on the other side of the
globe, underneath our feet. In my opinion it's ridiculous, because if
it was true, wot's to prevent the people droppin' orf?'

`Yes: well, of course it's very strange,' admitted Sweater.  `I've
often thought of that myself.  If it was true, we ought to be able to
walk on the ceiling of this room, for instance; but of course we know
that's impossible, and I really don't see that the other is any more

`I've often noticed flies walkin' on the ceilin',' remarked Didlum,
who felt called upon to defend the globular theory.

`Yes; but they're different,' replied Rushton.  `Flies is provided by
nature with a gluey substance which oozes out of their feet for the
purpose of enabling them to walk upside down.'

`There's one thing that seems to me to finish that idear once for
all,' said Grinder, `and that is - water always finds its own level.
You can't get away from that; and if the world was round, as they want
us to believe, all the water would run off except just a little at the
top.  To my mind, that settles the whole argymint.'

`Another thing that gets over me,' continued Rushton, `is this:
according to science, the earth turns round on its axle at the rate of
twenty miles a minit.  Well, what about when a lark goes up in the sky
and stays there about a quarter of an hour?  Why, if it was true that
the earth was turnin' round at that rate all the time, when the bird
came down it would find itself 'undreds of miles away from the place
where it went up from!  But that doesn't 'appen at all; the bird
always comes down in the same spot.'

`Yes, and the same thing applies to balloons and flyin' machines,'
said Grinder.  `If it was true that the world is spinnin' round on its
axle so quick as that, if a man started out from Calais to fly to
Dover, by the time he got to England he'd find 'imself in North
America, or p'r'aps farther off still.'

`And if it was true that the world goes round the sun at the rate they
makes out, when a balloon went up, the earth would run away from it!
They'd never be able to get back again!' remarked Rushton.

This was so obvious that nearly everyone said there was probably
something in it, and Didlum could think of no reply.  Mr Bosher upon
being appealed to for his opinion, explained that science was alright
in its way, but unreliable: the things scientists said yesterday they
contradicted today, and what they said today they would probably
repudiate tomorrow.  It was necessary to be very cautious before
accepting any of their assertions.

`Talking about science,' said Grinder, as the holy man relapsed into
silence and started on another biscuit and a fresh cup of tea.
`Talking about science reminds me of a conversation I 'ad with Dr
Weakling the other day.  You know, he believes we're all descended
from monkeys.'

Everyone laughed; the thing was so absurd: the idea of placing
intellectual beings on a level with animals!

`But just wait till you hear how nicely I flattened 'im out,'
continued Grinder.  `After we'd been arguin' a long time about wot 'e
called everlution or some sich name, and a lot more tommy-rot that I
couldn't make no 'ead or tail of - and to tell you the truth I don't
believe 'e understood 'arf of it 'imself - I ses to 'im, "Well," I
ses, "if it's true that we're hall descended from monkeys," I ses, "I
think your famly must 'ave left orf where mine begun."'

In the midst of the laughter that greeted the conclusion of Grinder's
story it was seen that Mr Bosher had become black in the face.  He was
waving his arms and writhing about like one in a fit, his goggle eyes
bursting from their sockets, whilst his huge stomach quivering
spasmodically, alternately contracted and expanded as if it were about
to explode.

In the exuberance of his mirth, the unfortunate disciple had swallowed
two biscuits at once.  Everybody rushed to his assistance, Grinder and
Didlum seized an arm and a shoulder each and forced his head down.
Rushton punched him in the back and the ladies shrieked with alarm.
They gave him a big drink of tea to help to get the biscuits down, and
when he at last succeeded in swallowing them he sat in the armchair
with his eyes red-rimmed and full of tears, which ran down over his
white, flabby face.

The arrival of the other members of the committee put an end to the
interesting discussion, and they shortly afterwards proceeded with the
business for which the meeting had been called - the arrangements for
the forthcoming Rummage Sale.

Chapter 39

The Brigands at Work

The next day, at the meeting of the Town Council, Mr Wireman's report
concerning the Electric Light Works was read.  The expert's opinion
was so favourable - and it was endorsed by the Borough Engineer, Mr
Oyley Sweater - that a resolution was unanimously carried in favour of
acquiring the Works for the town, and a secret committee was appointed
to arrange the preliminaries.  Alderman Sweater then suggested that a
suitable honorarium be voted to Mr Wireman for his services.  This was
greeted with a murmur of approval from most of the members, and Mr
Didlum rose with the intention of proposing a resolution to that
effect when he was interrupted by Alderman Grinder, who said he
couldn't see no sense in giving the man a thing like that.  `Why not
give him a sum of money?'

Several members said `Hear, hear,' to this, but some of the others

`I can't see nothing to laugh at,' cried Grinder angrily.  `For my
part I wouldn't give you tuppence for all the honorariums in the
country.  I move that we pay 'im a sum of money.'

`I'll second that,' said another member of the Band - one of those who
had cried `Hear, Hear.'

Alderman Sweater said that there seemed to be a little
misunderstanding and explained that an honorarium WAS a sum of money.

`Oh, well, in that case I'll withdraw my resolution,' said Grinder.
`I thought you wanted to give 'im a 'luminated address or something
like that.'

Didlum now moved that a letter of thanks and a fee of fifty guineas be
voted to Mr Wireman, and this was also unanimously agreed to.  Dr
Weakling said that it seemed rather a lot, but he did not go so far as
to vote against it.

The next business was the proposal that the Corporation should take
over the drain connecting Mr Sweater's house with the town main.  Mr
Sweater - being a public-spirited man - proposed to hand this
connecting drain - which ran through a private road - over to the
Corporation to be theirs and their successors for ever, on condition
that they would pay him the cost of construction - 55 - and agreed to
keep it in proper repair.  After a brief discussion it was decided to
take over the drain on the terms offered, and then Councillor Didlum
proposed a vote of thanks to Alderman Sweater for his generosity in
the matter: this was promptly seconded by Councillor Rushton and would
have been carried nem. con., but for the disgraceful conduct of Dr
Weakling, who had the bad taste to suggest that the amount was about
double what the drain could possibly have cost to construct, that it
was of no use to the Corporation at all, and that they would merely
acquire the liability to keep it in repair.

However, no one took the trouble to reply to Weakling, and the Band
proceeded to the consideration of the next business, which was Mr
Grinder's offer - on behalf of the `Cosy Corner Refreshment Company' -
to take the Kiosk on the Grand Parade.  Mr Grinder submitted a plan of
certain alterations that he would require the Corporation to make at
the Kiosk, and, provided the Council agreed to do this work he was
willing to take a lease of the place for five years at 20 per year.

Councillor Didlum proposed that the offer of the `Cosy Corner
Refreshment Co. Ltd' be accepted and the required alterations
proceeded with at once.  The Kiosk had brought in no rent for nearly
two years, but, apart from that consideration, if they accepted this
offer they would be able to set some of the unemployed to work.

Councillor Rushton seconded.

Dr Weakling pointed out that as the proposed alterations would cost
about 175 - according to the estimate of the Borough Engineer - and,
the rent being only 20 a year, it would mean that the Council would
be 75 out of pocket at the end of the five years; to say nothing of
the expense of keeping the place in repair during all that time.
(Disturbance.)  He moved as an amendment that the alterations be made,
and that they then invite tenders, and let the place to the highest
bidder.  (Great uproar.)

Councillor Rushton said he was disgusted with the attitude taken up by
that man Weakling.  (Applause.)  Perhaps it was hardly right to call
him a man.  (Hear! Hear!)  In the matter of these alterations they had
had the use of Councillor Grinder's brains: it was he who first
thought of making these improvements in the Kiosk, and therefore he -
or rather the company he represented - had a moral right to the
tenancy.  (Loud cheers.)

Dr Weakling said that he thought it was understood that when a man was
elected to that Council it was because he was supposed to be willing
to use his brains for the benefit of his constituents.  (Sardonic

The Mayor asked if there was any seconder to Weakling's amendment, and
as there was not the original proposition was put and carried.

Councillor Rushton suggested that a large shelter with seating
accommodation for about two hundred persons should be erected on the
Grand Parade near the Kiosk.  The shelter would serve as a protection
against rain, or the rays of the sun in summer.  It would add
materially to the comfort of visitors and would be a notable addition
to the attractions of the town.

Councillor Didlum said it was a very good idear, and proposed that the
Surveyor be instructed to get out the plans.

Dr Weakling opposed the motion.  (Laughter.)  It seemed to him that
the object was to benefit, not the town, but Mr Grinder.
(Disturbance.)  If this shelter were erected, it would increase the
value of the Kiosk as a refreshment bar by a hundred per cent.  If Mr
Grinder wanted a shelter for his customers he should pay for it
himself.  (Uproar.)  He (Dr Weakling) was sorry to have to say it, but
he could not help thinking that this was a Put-up job.  (Loud cries of
`Withdraw' `Apologize' `Cast 'im out' and terrific uproar.)

Weakling did not apologize or withdraw, but he said no more.  Didlum's
proposition was carried, and the `hand' went on to the next item on
the agenda, which was a proposal by Councillor Didlum to increase the
salary of Mr Oyley Sweater, the Borough Engineer, from fifteen pounds
to seventeen pounds per week.

Councillor Didlum said that when they had a good man they ought to
appreciate him.  (Applause.)  Compared with other officials, the
Borough Engineer was not fairly paid.  (Hear, hear.)  The magistrates'
clerk received seventeen pounds a week.  The Town Clerk seventeen
pounds per week.  He did not wish it to be understood that he thought
those gentlemen were overpaid - far from it.  (Hear, hear.)  It was
not that they got too much but that the Engineer got too little.  How
could they expect a man like that to exist on a paltry fifteen pounds
a week?  Why, it was nothing more or less than sweating!  (Hear,
hear.)  He had much pleasure in moving that the Borough Engineer's
salary be increased to seventeen pounds a week, and that his annual
holiday be extended from a fortnight to one calendar month with hard
la- he begged pardon - with full pay.  (Loud cheers.)

Councillor Rushton said that he did not propose to make a long speech -
it was not necessary.  He would content himself with formally
seconding Councillor Didlum's excellent proposition.  (Applause.)

Councillor Weakling, whose rising was greeted with derisive laughter,
said he must oppose the resolution.  He wished it to be understood
that he was not actuated by any feeling of personal animosity towards
the Borough Engineer, but at the same time he considered it his duty
to say that in his (Dr Weakling's) opinion, that official would be
dear at half the price they were now paying him.  (Disturbance.)  He
did not appear to understand his business, nearly all the work that
was done cost in the end about double what the Borough Engineer
estimated it could be done for.  (Liar.)  He considered him to be a
grossly incompetent person (uproar) and was of opinion that if they
were to advertise they could get dozens of better men who would be
glad to do the work for five pounds a week.  He moved that Mr Oyley
Sweater be asked to resign and that they advertise for a man at five
pounds a week.  (Great uproar.)

Councillor Grinder rose to a point of order. He appealed to the
Chairman to squash the amendment.  (Applause.)

Councillor Didlum remarked that he supposed Councillor Grinder meant
`quash': in that case, he would support the suggestion.

Councillor Grinder said it was about time they put a stopper on that
feller Weakling.  He (Grinder) did not care whether they called it
squashing or quashing; it was all the same so long as they nipped him
in the bud.  (Cheers.)  The man was a disgrace to the Council; always
interfering and hindering the business.

The Mayor - Alderman Sweater - said that he did not think it
consistent with the dignity of that Council to waste any more time
over this scurrilous amendment.  (Applause.)  He was proud to say that
it had never even been seconded, and therefore he would put Mr
Didlum's resolution - a proposition which he had no hesitation in
saying reflected the highest credit upon that gentleman and upon all
those who supported it.  (Vociferous cheers.)

All those who were in favour signified their approval in the customary
manner, and as Weakling was the only one opposed, the resolution was
carried and the meeting proceeded to the next business.

Councillor Rushton said that several influential ratepayers and
employers of labour had complained to him about the high wages of the
Corporation workmen, some of whom were paid sevenpence-halfpenny an
hour.  Sevenpence an hour was the maximum wage paid to skilled workmen
by private employers in that town, and he failed to see why the
Corporation should pay more.  (Hear, hear.)  It had a very bad effect
on the minds of the men in the employment of private firms, tending to
make them dissatisfied with their wages.  The same state of affairs
prevailed with regard to the unskilled labourers in the Council's
employment.  Private employers could get that class of labour for
fourpence-halfpenny or fivepence an hour, and yet the corporation paid
fivepence-halfpenny and even sixpence for the same class of work.
(Shame.)  It was not fair to the ratepayers.  (Hear, hear.)
Considering that the men in the employment of the Corporation had
almost constant work, if there was to be a difference at all, they
should get not more, but less, than those who worked for private
firms.  (Cheers.)  He moved that the wages of the Corporation workmen
be reduced in all cases to the same level as those paid by private

Councillor Grinder seconded.  He said it amounted to a positive
scandal.  Why, in the summer-time some of these men drew as much as
35/- in a single week!  (Shame.) and it was quite common for unskilled
labourers - fellers who did nothing but the very hardest and most
laborious work, sich as carrying sacks of cement, or digging up the
roads to get at the drains, and sich-like easy jobs - to walk off with
25/- a week!  (Sensation.)  He had often noticed some of these men
swaggering about the town on Sundays, dressed like millionaires and
cigared up!  They seemed quite a different class of men from those who
worked for private firms, and to look at the way some of their
children was dressed you'd think their fathers was Cabinet Minstrels!
No wonder the ratepayers complained ot the high rates.  Another
grievance was that all the Corporation workmen were allowed two days'
holiday every year, in addition to the Bank Holidays, and were paid
for them!  (Cries of `shame', `Scandalous', `Disgraceful', etc.)  No
private contractor paid his men for Bank Holidays, and why should the
Corporation do so?  He had much pleasure in seconding Councillor
Rushton's resolution.

Councillor Weakling opposed the motion. He thought that 35/- a week
was little enough for a man to keep a wife and family with (Rot), even
if all the men got it regularly, which they did not.  Members should
consider what was the average amount per week throughout the whole
year, not merely the busy time, and if they did that they would find
that even the skilled men did not average more than 25/- a week, and
in many cases not so much.  If this subject had not been introduced by
Councillor Rushton, he (Dr Weakling) had intended to propose that the
wages of the Corporation workmen should be increased to the standard
recognized by the Trades Unions.  (Loud laughter.)  It had been proved
that the notoriously short lives of the working people - whose average
span of life was about twenty years less than that of the well-to-do
classes - their increasingly inferior physique, and the high rate of
mortality amongst their children was caused by the wretched
remuneration they received for hard and tiring work, the excessive
number of hours they have to work, when employed, the bad quality of
their food, the badly constructed and insanitary homes their poverty
compels them to occupy, and the anxiety, worry, and depression of mind
they have to suffer when out of employment.  (Cries of `Rot', `Bosh',
and loud laughter.)  Councillor Didlum said, `Rot'.  It was a very
good word to describe the disease that was sapping the foundations of
society and destroying the health and happiness and the very lives of
so many of their fellow countrymen and women.  (Renewed merriment and
shouts of `Go and buy a red tie.')  He appealed to the members to
reject the resolution.  He was very glad to say that he believed it
was true that the workmen in the employ of the Corporation were a
little better off than those in the employ of private contractors, and
if it were so, it was as it should be.  They had need to be better off
than the poverty-stricken, half-starved poor wretches who worked for
private firms.

Councillor Didlum said that it was very evident that Dr Weakling had
obtained his seat on that Council by false pretences.  If he had told
the ratepayers that he was a Socialist, they would never have elected
him.  (Hear, hear.)  Practically every Christian minister in the
country would agree with him (Didlum) when he said that the poverty of
the working classes was caused not by the `wretched remuneration they
receive as wages', but by Drink.  (Loud applause.)  And he was very
sure that the testimony of the clergy of all denominations was more to
be relied upon than the opinion of a man like Dr Weakling.  (Hear,

Dr Weakling said that if some of the clergymen referred to or some of
the members of the council had to exist and toil amid the same sordid
surroundings, overcrowding and ignorance as some of the working
classes, they would probably seek to secure some share of pleasure and
forgetfulness in drink themselves!  (Great uproar and shouts of
`Order', `Withdraw', `Apologize'.)

Councillor Grinder said that even if it was true that the haverage
lives of the working classes was twenty years shorter than those of
the better classes, he could not see what it had got to do with Dr
Weakling.  (Hear, hear.)  So long as the working class was contented
to die twenty years before their time, he failed to see what it had
got to do with other people.  They was not runnin' short of workers,
was they?  There was still plenty of 'em left.  (Laughter.)  So long
as the workin' class was satisfied to die orf - let 'em die orf!  It
was a free country.  (Applause.)  The workin' class adn't arst Dr
Weakling to stick up for them, had they?  If they wasn't satisfied,
they would stick up for theirselves!  The working men didn't want the
likes of Dr Weakling to stick up for them, and they would let 'im know
it when the next election came round.  If he (Grinder) was a wordly
man, he would not mind betting that the workin' men of Dr Weakling's
ward would give him `the dirty kick out' next November.  (Applause.)

Councillor Weakling, who knew that this was probably true, made no
further protest.  Rushton's proposition was carried, and then the
Clerk announced that the next item was the resolution Mr Didlum had
given notice of at the last meeting, and the Mayor accordingly called
upon that gentleman.

Councillor Didlum, who was received with loud cheers, said that
unfortunately a certain member of that Council seemed to think he had
a right to oppose nearly everything that was brought forward.

(The majority of the members of the Band glared malignantly at

He hoped that for once the individual he referred to would have the
decency to restrain himself, because the resolution he (Didlum) was
about to have the honour of proposing was one that he believed no
right-minded man - no matter what his politics or religious opinions -
could possibly object to; and he trusted that for the credit of the
Council it would be entered on the records as an unopposed motion.
The resolution was as follows:

`That from this date all the meetings of this Council shall be opened
with prayer and closed with the singing of the Doxology.' (Loud

Councillor Rushton seconded the resolution, which was also supported
by Mr Grinder, who said that at a time like the present, when there
was sich a lot of infiddles about who said that we all came from
monkeys, the Council would be showing a good example to the working
classes by adopting the resolution.

Councillor Weakling said nothing, so the new rule was carried nem.
con., and as there was no more business to be done it was put into
operation for the first time there and then.  Mr Sweater conducting
the singing with a roll of paper - the plan of the drain of `The Cave' -
and each member singing a different tune.

Weakling withdrew during the singing, and afterwards, before the Band
dispersed, it was agreed that a certain number of them were to meet
the Chief at the Cave, on the following evening to arrange the details
of the proposed raid on the finances of the town in connection with
the sale of the Electric Light Works.

Chapter 40

Vive la System!

The alterations which the Corporation had undertaken to make in the
Kiosk on the Grand Parade provided employment for several carpenters
and plasterers for about three weeks, and afterwards for several
painters.  This fact was sufficient to secure the working men's
unqualified approval of the action of the Council in letting the place
to Grinder, and Councillor Weakling's opposition - the reasons of
which they did not take the trouble to inquire into or understand -
they as heartily condemned.  All they knew or cared was that he had
tried to prevent the work being done, and that he had referred in
insulting terms to the working men of the town.  What right had he to
call them half-starved, poverty-stricken, poor wretches?  If it came
to being poverty-stricken, according to all accounts, he wasn't any
too well orf hisself.  Some of those blokes who went swaggering about
in frock-coats and pot-'ats was just as 'ard up as anyone else if the
truth was known.

As for the Corporation workmen, it was quite right that their wages
should be reduced.  Why should they get more money than anyone else?

`It's us what's got to find the money,' they said.  `We're the
ratepayers, and why should we have to pay them more wages than we get
ourselves?  And why should they be paid for holidays any more than

During the next few weeks the dearth of employment continued, for, of
course, the work at the Kiosk and the few others jobs that were being
done did not make much difference to the general situation.  Groups of
workmen stood at the corners or walked aimlessly about the streets.
Most of them no longer troubled to go to the different firms to ask
for work, they were usually told that they would be sent for if

During this time Owen did his best to convert the other men to his
views.  He had accumulated a little library of Socialist books and
pamphlets which he lent to those he hoped to influence.  Some of them
took these books and promised, with the air of men who were conferring
a great favour, that they would read them.  As a rule, when they
returned them it was with vague expressions of approval, but they
usually evinced a disinclination to discuss the contents in detail
because, in nine instances out of ten, they had not attempted to read
them.  As for those who did make a half-hearted effort to do so, in
the majority of cases their minds were so rusty and stultified by long
years of disuse, that, although the pamphlets were generally written
in such simple language that a child might have understood, the
argument was generally too obscure to be grasped by men whose minds
were addled by the stories told them by their Liberal and Tory
masters.  Some, when Owen offered to lend them some books or pamphlets
refused to accept them, and others who did him the great favour of
accepting them, afterwards boasted that they had used them as toilet

Owen frequently entered into long arguments with the other men, saying
that it was the duty of the State to provide productive work for all
those who were willing to do it.  Some few of them listened like men
who only vaguely understood, but were willing to be convinced.

`Yes, mate. It's right enough what you say,' they would remark.
`Something ought to be done.'

Others ridiculed this doctrine of State employment: It was all very
fine, but where was the money to come from?  And then those who had
been disposed to agree with Owen could relapse into their old apathy.

There were others who did not listen so quietly, but shouted with many
curses that it was the likes of such fellows as Owen who were
responsible for all the depression in trade.  All this talk about
Socialism and State employment was frightening Capital out of the
country.  Those who had money were afraid to invest it in industries,
or to have any work done for fear they would be robbed.  When Owen
quoted statistics to prove that as far as commerce and the quantity
produced of commodities of all kinds was concerned, the last year had
been a record one, they became more infuriated than ever, and talked
threateningly of what they would like to do to those bloody Socialists
who were upsetting everything.

One day Crass, who was one of these upholders of the existing system,
scored off Owen finely.  A little group of them were standing talking
in the Wage Slave Market near the Fountain.  In the course of the
argument, Owen made the remark that under existing conditions life was
not worth living, and Crass said that if he really thought so, there
was no compulsion about it; if he wasn't satisfied - if he didn't want
to live - he could go and die.  Why the hell didn't he go and make a
hole in the water, or cut his bloody throat?

On this particular occasion the subject of the argument was - at first -
the recent increase of the Borough Engineer's salary to seventeen
pounds per week.  Owen had said it was robbery, but the majority of
the others expressed their approval of the increase.  They asked Owen
if he expected a man like that to work for nothing!  It was not as if
he were one of the likes of themselves.  They said that, as for it
being robbery, Owen would be very glad to have the chance of getting
it himself.  Most of them seemed to think the fact that anyone would
be glad to have seventeen pounds a week, proved that it was right for
them to pay that amount to the Borough Engineer!

Usually whenever Owen reflected upon the gross injustices, and
inhumanity of the existing social disorder, he became convinced that
it could not possibly last; it was bound to fall to pieces because of
its own rottenness.  It was not just, it was not common sense, and
therefore it could not endure.  But always after one of these
arguments - or, rather, disputes - with his fellow workmen, he almost
relapsed into hopelessness and despondency, for then he realized how
vast and how strong are the fortifications that surround the present
system; the great barriers and ramparts of invincible ignorance,
apathy and self-contempt, which will have to be broken down before the
system of society of which they are the defences, can be swept away.

At other times as he thought of this marvellous system, it presented
itself to him in such an aspect of almost comical absurdity that he
was forced to laugh and to wonder whether it really existed at all, or
if it were only an illusion of his own disordered mind.

One of the things that the human race needed in order to exist was
shelter; so with much painful labour they had constructed a large
number of houses.  Thousands of these houses were now standing
unoccupied, while millions of the people who had helped to build the
houses were either homeless or herding together in overcrowded hovels.

These human beings had such a strange system of arranging their
affairs that if anyone were to go and burn down a lot of the houses he
would be conferring a great boon upon those who had built them,
because such an act would `Make a lot more work!'

Another very comical thing was that thousands of people wore broken
boots and ragged clothes, while millions of pairs of boots and
abundance of clothing, which they had helped to make, were locked up
in warehouses, and the System had the keys.

Thousands of people lacked the necessaries of life.  The necessaries
of life are all produced by work.  The people who lacked begged to be
allowed to work and create those things of which they stood in need.
But the System prevented them from so doing.

If anyone asked the System why it prevented these people from
producing the things of which they were in want, the System replied:

`Because they have already produced too much.  The markets are
glutted.  The warehouses are filled and overflowing, and there is
nothing more for them to do.'

There was in existence a huge accumulation of everything necessary.  A
great number of the people whose labour had produced that vast store
were now living in want, but the System said that they could not be
permitted to partake of the things they had created.  Then, after a
time, when these people, being reduced to the last extreme of misery,
cried out that they and their children were dying of hunger, the
System grudgingly unlocked the doors of the great warehouses, and
taking out a small part of the things that were stored within,
distributed it amongst the famished workers, at the same time
reminding them that it was Charity, because all the things in the
warehouses, although they had been made by the workers, were now the
property of the people who do nothing.

And then the starving, bootless, ragged, stupid wretches fell down and
worshipped the System, and offered up their children as living
sacrifices upon its altars, saying:

`This beautiful System is the only one possible, and the best that
human wisdom can devise.  May the System live for ever!  Cursed be
those who seek to destroy the System!'

As the absurdity of the thing forced itself upon him, Owen, in spite
of the unhappiness he felt at the sight of all the misery by which he
was surrounded, laughed aloud and said to himself that if he was sane,
then all these people must be mad.

In the face of such colossal imbecility it was absurd to hope for any
immediate improvement.  The little already accomplished was the work
of a few self-sacrificing enthusiasts, battling against the opposition
of those they sought to benefit, and the results of their labours
were, in many instances, as pearls cast before the swine who stood
watching for opportunities to fall upon and rend their benefactors.

There was only one hope.  It was possible that the monopolists,
encouraged by the extraordinary stupidity and apathy of the people
would proceed to lay upon them even greater burdens, until at last,
goaded by suffering, and not having sufficient intelligence to
understand any other remedy, these miserable wretches would turn upon
their oppressors and drown both them and their System in a sea of

Besides the work at the Kiosk, towards the end of March things
gradually began to improve in other directions.  Several firms began
to take on a few hands.  Several large empty houses that were relet
had to be renovated for their new tenants, and there was a fair amount
of inside work arising out of the annual spring-cleaning in other
houses.  There was not enough work to keep everyone employed, and most
of those who were taken on as a rule only managed to make a few hours
a week, but still it was better than absolute idleness, and there also
began to be talk of several large outside jobs that were to be done as
soon as the weather was settled.

This bad weather, by the way, was a sort of boon to the defenders of
the present system, who were hard-up for sensible arguments to explain
the cause of poverty.  One of the principal causes was, of course, the
weather, which was keeping everything back.  There was not the
slightest doubt that if only the weather would allow there would
always be plenty of work, and poverty would be abolished.

Rushton & Co. had a fair share of what work there was, and Crass,
Sawkins, Slyme and Owen were kept employed pretty regularly, although
they did not start until half past eight and left off at four.  At
different houses in various parts of the town they had ceilings to
wash off and distemper, to strip the old paper from the walls, and to
repaint and paper the rooms, and sometimes there were the venetian
blinds to repair and repaint.  Occasionally a few extra hands were
taken on for a few days, and discharged again as soon as the job they
were taken on to do was finished.

The defenders of the existing system may possibly believe that the
knowledge that they would be discharged directly the job was done was
a very good incentive to industry, that they would naturally under
these circumstances do their best to get the work done as quickly as
possible.  But then it must be remembered that most of the defenders
of the existing system are so constituted, that they can believe
anything provided it is not true and sufficiently silly.

All the same, it was a fact that the workmen did do their very best to
get over this work in the shortest possible time, because although
they knew that to do so was contrary to their own interests, they also
knew that it would be very much more contrary to their interests not
to do so.  Their only chance of being kept on if other work came in
was to tear into it for all they were worth.  Consequently, most of
the work was rushed and botched and slobbered over in about half the
time that it would have taken to do it properly.  Rooms for which the
customers paid to have three coats of paint were scamped with one or
two.  What Misery did not know about scamping and faking the work, the
men suggested to and showed him in the hope of currying favour with
him in order that they might get the preference over others and be
sent for when the next job came in.  This is the principal incentive
provided by the present system, the incentive to cheat.  These fellows
cheated the customers of their money.  They cheated themselves and
their fellow workmen of work, and their children of bread, but it was
all for a good cause - to make profit for their master.

Harlow and Slyme did one job - a room that Rushton & Co. had
contracted to paint three coats.  It was finished with two and the men
cleared away their paints.  The next day, when Slyme wept there to
paper the room, the lady of the house said that the painting was not
yet finished - it was to have another coat.  Slyme assured her that it
had already had three, but, as the lady insisted, Slyme went to the
shop and sought out Misery.  Harlow had been stood off, as there was
not another job in just then, but fortunately he happened to be
standing in the street outside the shop, so they called him and then
the three of them went round to the job and swore that the room had
had three coats.  The lady protested that it was not so.  She had
watched the progress of the work.  Besides, it was impossible; they
had only been there three days.  The first day they had not put any
paint on at all; they had done the ceiling and stripped the walls; the
painting was not started till the second day.  How then could it have
had three coats?  Misery explained the mystery: he said that for first
coating they had an extra special very fast-drying paint - paint that
dried so quickly that they were able to give the work two coats in one
day.  For instance, one man did the window, the other the door: when
these were finished both men did the skirting; by the time the
skirting was finished the door and window were dry enough to second
coat; and then, on the following day - the finishing coat!

Of course, this extra special quick-drying paint was very expensive,
but the firm did not mind that.  They knew that most of their
customers wished to have their work finished as quickly as possible,
and their study was to give satisfaction to the customers.  This
explanation satisfied the lady - a poverty-stricken widow making a
precarious living by taking in lodgers - who was the more easily
deceived because she regarded Misery as a very holy man, having seen
him preaching in the street on many occasions.

There was another job at another boarding-house that Owen and Easton
did - two rooms which had to be painted three coats of white paint and
one of enamel, making four coats altogether.  That was what the firm
had contracted to do.  As the old paint in these rooms was of a rather
dark shade it was absolutely necessary to give the work three coats
before enamelling it.  Misery wanted them to let it go with two, but
Owen pointed out that if they did so it would be such a ghastly mess
that it would never pass.  After thinking the matter over for a few
minutes, Misery told them to go on with the third coat of paint.  Then
he went downstairs and asked to see the lady of the house.  He
explained to her that, in consequence of the old paint being so dark,
he found that it would be necessary, in order to make a good job of
it, to give the work four coats before enamelling it.  Of course, they
had agreed for only three, but as they always made a point of doing
their work in a first-class manner rather than not make a good job,
they would give it the extra coat for nothing, but he was sure she
would not wish them to do that.  The lady said that she did not want
them to work for nothing, and she wanted it done properly.  If it were
necessary to give it an extra coat, they must do so and she would pay
for it.  How much would it be?  Misery told her.  The lady was
satisfied, and Misery was in the seventh heaven.  Then he went
upstairs again and warned Owen and Easton to be sure to say, if they
were asked, that the work had had four coats.

It would not be reasonable to blame Misery or Rushton for not wishing
to do good, honest work - there was no incentive.  When they secured a
contract, if they had thought first of making the very best possible
job of it, they would not have made so much profit.  The incentive was
not to do the work as well as possible, but to do as little as
possible.  The incentive was not to make good work, but to make good

The same rule applied to the workers.  They could not justly be blamed
for not doing good work - there was no incentive.  To do good work
requires time and pains.  Most of them would have liked to take time
and pains, because all those who are capable of doing good work find
pleasure and happiness in doing it, and have pride in it when done:
but there was no incentive, unless the certainty of getting the sack
could be called an incentive, for it was a moral certainty that any
man who was caught taking time and pains with his work would be
promptly presented with the order of the boot.  But there was plenty
of incentive to hurry and scamp and slobber and botch.

There was another job at a lodging-house - two rooms to be painted and
papered.  The landlord paid for the work, but the tenant had the
privilege of choosing the paper.  She could have any pattern she liked
so long as the cost did not exceed one shilling per roll, Rushton's
estimate being for paper of that price.  Misery sent her several
patterns of sixpenny papers, marked at a shilling, to choose from, but
she did not fancy any of them, and said that she would come to the
shop to make her selection.  So Hunter tore round to the shop in a
great hurry to get there before her.  In his haste to dismount, he
fell off his bicycle into the muddy road, and nearly smashed the
plate-glass window with the handle-bar of the machine as he placed it
against the shop front before going in.

Without waiting to clean the mud off his clothes, he ordered Budd, the
pimply-faced shopman, to get out rolls of all the sixpenny papers they
had, and then they both set to work and altered the price marked upon
them from sixpence to a shilling.  Then they got out a number of
shilling papers and altered the price marked upon them, changing it
from a shilling to one and six.

When the unfortunate woman arrived, Misery was waiting for her with a
benign smile upon his long visage.  He showed her all the sixpenny
ones, but she did not like any of them, so after a while Nimrod
suggested that perhaps she would like a paper of a little better
quality, and she could pay the trifling difference out of her own
pocket.  Then he showed her the shilling papers that he had marked up
to one and sixpence, and eventually the lady selected one of these and
paid the extra sixpence per roll herself, as Nimrod suggested.  There
were fifteen rolls of paper altogether - seven for one room and eight
for the other - so that in addition to the ordinary profit on the sale
of the paper - about two hundred and seventy-five per cent. - the firm
made seven and sixpence on this transaction.  They might have done
better out of the job itself if Slyme had not been hanging the paper
piece-work, for, the two rooms being of the same pattern, he could
easily have managed to do them with fourteen rolls; in fact, that was
all he did use, but he cut up and partly destroyed the one that was
over so that he could charge for hanging it.

Owen was working there at the same time, for the painting of the rooms
was not done before Slyme papered them; the finishing coat was put on
after the paper was hung.  He noticed Slyme destroying the paper and,
guessing the reason, asked him how he could reconcile such conduct as
that with his profession of religion.

Slyme replied that the fact that he was a Christian did not imply that
he never did anything wrong: if he committed a sin, he was a Christian
all the same, and it would be forgiven him for the sake of the Blood.
As for this affair of the paper, it was a matter between himself and
God, and Owen had no right to set himself up as a Judge.

In addition to all this work, there were a number of funerals.  Crass
and Slyme did very well out of it all, working all day white-washing
or painting, and sometimes part of the night painting venetian blinds
or polishing coffins and taking them home, to say nothing of the
lifting in of the corpses and afterwards acting as bearers.

As time went on, the number of small jobs increased, and as the days
grew longer the men were allowed to put in a greater number of hours.
Most of the firms had some work, but there was never enough to keep
all the men in the town employed at the same time.  It worked like
this: Every firm had a certain number of men who were regarded as the
regular hands. When there was any work to do, they got the preference
over strangers or outsiders.  When things were busy, outsiders were
taken on temporarily.  When the work fell off, these casual hands were
the first to be `stood still'.  If it continued to fall off, the old
hands were also stood still in order of seniority, the older hands
being preferred to strangers - so long, of course, as they were not
old in the sense of being aged or inefficient.

This kind of thing usually continued all through the spring and
summer.  In good years the men of all trades, carpenters, bricklayers,
plasterers, painters and so on, were able to keep almost regularly at
work, except in wet weather.

The difference between a good and bad spring and summer is that in
good years it is sometimes possible to make a little overtime, and the
periods of unemployment are shorter and less frequent than in bad
years.  It is rare even in good years for one of the casual hands to
be employed by one firm for more than one, two or three months without
a break.  It is usual for them to put in a month with one firm, then a
fortnight with another, then perhaps six weeks somewhere else, and
often between there are two or three days or even weeks of enforced
idleness.  This sort of thing goes on all through spring, summer and

Chapter 41

The Easter Offering.  The Beano Meeting

By the beginning of April, Rushton & Co. were again working nine hours
a day, from seven in the morning till five-thirty at night, and after
Easter they started working full time from 6 A.M. till 5.30 P.M.,
eleven and a half hours - or, rather, ten hours, for they had to lose
half an hour at breakfast and an hour at dinner.

Just before Easter several of the men asked Hunter if they might be
allowed to work on Good Friday and Easter Monday, as, they said, they
had had enough holidays during the winter; they had no money to spare
for holiday-making, and they did not wish to lose two days' pay when
there was work to be done.  Hunter told them that there was not
sufficient work in to justify him in doing as they requested: things
were getting very slack again, and Mr Rushton had decided to cease
work from Thursday night till Tuesday morning.  They were thus
prevented from working on Good Friday, but it is true that not more
than one working man in fifty went to any religious service on that
day or on any other day during the Easter festival.  On the contrary,
this festival was the occasion of much cursing and blaspheming on the
part of those whose penniless, poverty-stricken condition it helped to
aggravate by enforcing unprofitable idleness which they lacked the
means to enjoy.

During these holidays some of the men did little jobs on their own
account and others put in the whole time - including Good Friday and
Easter Sunday - gardening, digging and planting their plots of
allotment ground.

When Owen arrived home one evening during the week before Easter,
Frankie gave him an envelope which he had brought home from school.
It contained a printed leaflet:


                             Easter 19--

Dear Sir (or Madam),

In accordance with the usual custom we invite you to join with us in
presenting the Vicar, the Rev. Habbakuk Bosher, with an Easter
Offering, as a token of affection and regard.

                                           Yours faithfully,
                          A. Cheeseman }
                          W. Taylor    }  Churchwardens

Mr Bosher's income from various sources connected with the church was
over six hundred pounds a year, or about twelve pounds per week, but
as that sum was evidently insufficient, his admirers had adopted this
device for supplementing it.  Frankie said all the boys had one of
these letters and were going to ask their fathers for some money to
give towards the Easter offering.  Most of them expected to get

As the boy had evidently set his heart on doing the same as the other
children, Owen gave him the twopence, and they afterwards learned that
the Easter Offering for that year was one hundred and twenty-seven
pounds, which was made up of the amounts collected from the
parishioners by the children, the district visitors and the verger,
the collection at a special Service, and donations from the
feeble-minded old females elsewhere referred to.

By the end of April nearly all the old hands were back at work, and
several casual hands had also been taken on, the Semi-drunk being one
of the number.  In addition to these, Misery had taken on a number of
what he called `lightweights', men who were not really skilled
workmen, but had picked up sufficient knowledge of the simpler parts
of the trade to be able to get over it passably.  These were paid
fivepence or fivepence-halfpenny, and were employed in preference to
those who had served their time, because the latter wanted more money
and therefore were only employed when absolutely necessary.  Besides
the lightweights there were a few young fellows called improvers, who
were also employed because they were cheap.

Crass now acted as colourman, having been appointed possibly because
he knew absolutely nothing about the laws of colour.  As most of the
work consisted of small jobs, all the paint and distemper was mixed up
at the shop and sent out ready for use to the various jobs.

Sawkins or some of the other lightweights generally carried the
heavier lots of colour or scaffolding, but the smaller lots of colour
or such things as a pair of steps or a painter's plank were usually
sent by the boy, whose slender legs had become quite bowed since he
had been engaged helping the other philanthropists to make money for
Mr Rushton.

Crass's work as colourman was simplified, to a certain extent, by the
great number of specially prepared paints and distempers in all
colours, supplied by the manufacturers ready for use.  Most of these
new-fangled concoctions were regarded with an eye of suspicion and
dislike by the hands, and Philpot voiced the general opinion about
them one day during a dinner-hour discussion when he said they might
appear to be all right for a time, but they would probably not last,
because they was mostly made of kimicles.

One of these new-fashioned paints was called `Petrifying Liquid', and
was used for first-coating decaying stone or plaster work.  It was
also supposed to be used for thinning up a certain kind of patent
distemper, but when Misery found out that it was possible to thin the
latter with water, the use of `Petrifying Liquid' for that purpose was
discontinued.  This `Petrifying Liquid' was a source of much merriment
to the hands.  The name was applied to the tea that they made in
buckets on some of the jobs, and also to the four-ale that was
supplied by certain pubs.

One of the new inventions was regarded with a certain amount of
indignation by the hands: it was a white enamel, and they objected to
it for two reasons - one was because, as Philpot remarked, it dried so
quickly that you had to work like greased lightning; you had to be all
over the door directly you started it.

The other reason was that, because it dried so quickly, it was
necessary to keep closed the doors and windows of the room where it
was being used, and the smell was so awful that it brought on fits of
dizziness and sometimes vomiting.  Needless to say, the fact that it
compelled those who used it to work quickly recommended the stuff to

As for the smell, he did not care about that; be did not have to
inhale the fumes himself.

It was just about this time that Crass, after due consultation with
several of the others, including Philpot, Harlow, Bundy, Slyme, Easton
and the Semi-drunk, decided to call a meeting of the hands for the
purpose of considering the advisability of holding the usual Beano
later on in the summer.  The meeting was held in the carpenter's shop
down at the yard one evening at six o'clock, which allowed time for
those interested to attend after leaving work.

The hands sat on the benches or carpenter's stools, or reclined upon
heaps of shavings.  On a pair of tressels in the centre of the
workshop stood a large oak coffin which Crass had just finished

When all those who were expected to turn up had arrived, Payne, the
foreman carpenter - the man who made the coffins - was voted to the
chair on the proposition of Crass, seconded by Philpot, and then a
solemn silence ensued, which was broken at last by the chairman, who,
in a lengthy speech, explained the object of the meeting.  Possibly
with a laudable desire that there should be no mistake about it, he
took the trouble to explain several times, going over the same ground
and repeating the same words over and over again, whilst the audience
waited in a deathlike and miserable silence for him to leave off.
Payne, however, did not appear to have any intention of leaving off,
for he continued, like a man in a trance, to repeat what he had said
before, seeming to be under the impression that he had to make a
separate explanation to each individual member of the audience.  At
last the crowd could stand it no longer, and began to shout `Hear,
hear' and to bang bits of wood and hammers on the floor and the
benches; and then, after a final repetition of the statement, that the
object of the meeting was to consider the advisability of holding an
outing, or beanfeast, the chairman collapsed on to a carpenter's stool
and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

Crass then reminded the meeting that the last year's Beano had been an
unqualified success, and for his part he would be very sorry if they
did not have one this year.  Last year they had four brakes, and they
went to Tubberton Village.

It was true that there was nothing much to see at Tubberton, but there
was one thing they could rely on getting there that they could not be
sure of getting for the same money anywhere else, and that was - a
good feed.  (Applause.)  Just for the sake of getting on with the
business, he would propose that they decide to go to Tubberton, and
that a committee be appointed to make arrangements - about the dinner -
with the landlord of the Queen Elizabeth's Head at that place.

Philpot seconded the motion, and Payne was about to call for a show of
hands when Harlow rose to a point of order.  It appeared to him that
they were getting on a bit too fast.  The proper way to do this
business was first to take the feeling of the meeting as to whether
they wished to have a Beano at all, and then, if the meeting was in
favour of it, they could decide where they were to go, and whether
they would have a whole day or only half a day.

The Semi-drunk said that he didn't care a dreadful expression where
they went: he was willing to abide by the decision of the majority.
(Applause.)  It was a matter of indifference to him whether they had a
day, or half a day, or two days; he was agreeable to anything.

Easton suggested that a special saloon carriage might be engaged, and
they could go and visit Madame Tussaud's Waxworks.  He had never been
to that place and had often wished to see it.  But Philpot objected
that if they went there, Madame Tussaud's might be unwilling to let
them out again.

Bundy endorsed the remarks that had fallen from Crass with reference
to Tubberton.  He did not care where they went, they would never get
such a good spread for the money as they did last year at the Queen
Elizabeth.  (Cheers.)

The chairman said that. he remembered the last Beano very well.  They
had half a day - left off work on Saturday at twelve instead of one -
so there was only one hour's wages lost - they went home, had a wash
and changed their clothes, and got up to the Cricketers, where the
brakes was waiting, at one.  Then they had the two hours' drive to
Tubberton, stopping on the way for drinks at the Blue Lion, the
Warrior's Head, the Bird in Hand, the Dewdrop Inn and the World
Turned Upside Down.  (Applause.)  They arrived at the Queen Elizabeth
at three-thirty, and the dinner was ready; and it was one of the
finest blow-outs he had ever had.  (Hear, hear.)  There was soup,
vegetables, roast beef, roast mutton, lamb and mint sauce, plum duff,
Yorkshire, and a lot more.  The landlord of the Elizabeth kept as good
a drop of beer as anyone could wish to drink, and as for the
teetotallers, they could have tea, coffee or ginger beer.

Having thus made another start, Payne found it very difficult to leave
off, and was proceeding to relate further details of the last Beano
when Harlow again rose up from his heap of shavings and said he wished
to call the chairman to order.  (Hear, hear.)  What the hell was the
use of all this discussion before they h&d even decided to have a
Beano at all!  Was the meeting in favour of a Beano or not?  That was
the question.

A prolonged and awkward silence followed.  Everyone was very
uncomfortable, looking stolidly on the ground or staring straight in
front of them.

At last Easton broke the silence by suggesting that it would not be a
bad plan if someone was to make a motion that a Beano be held.  This
was greeted with a general murmur of `Hear, hear,' followed by another
awkward pause, and then the chairman asked Easton if he would move a
resolution to that effect.  After some hesitation, Easton agreed, and
formally moved: `That this meeting is in favour of a Beano.'

The Semi-drunk said that, in order to get on with the business, he
would second the resolution.  But meantime, several arguments had
broken out between the advocates of different places, and several men
began to relate anecdotes of previous Beanos.  Nearly everyone was
speaking at once and it was some time before the chairman was able to
put the resolution.  Finding it impossible to make his voice heard
above the uproar, he began to hammer on the bench with a wooden
mallet, and to shout requests for order, but this only served to
increase the din.  Some of them looked at him curiously and wondered
what was the matter with him, but the majority were so interested in
their own arguments that they did not notice him at all.

Whilst the chairman was trying to get the attention of the meeting in
order to put the question, Bundy had become involved in an argument
with several of the new hands who claimed to know of an even better
place than the Queen Elizabeth, a pub called `The New Found Out', at
Mirkfield, a few miles further on than Tubberton, and another
individual joined in the dispute, alleging that a house called `The
Three Loggerheads' at Slushton-cum-Dryditch was the finest place for a
Beano within a hundred miles of Mugsborough.  He went there last year
with Pushem and Driver's crowd, and they had roast beef, goose, jam
tarts, mince pies, sardines, blancmange, calves' feet jelly and one
pint for each man was included in the cost of the dinner.  In the
middle of the discussion, they noticed that most of the others were
holding up their hands, so to show there was no ill feeling they held
up theirs also and then the chairman declared it was carried

Bundy said he would like to ask the chairman to read out the
resolution which had just been passed, as he had not caught the words.

The chairman replied that there was no written resolution.  The motion
was just to express the feeling of this meeting as to whether there
was to be an outing or not.

Bundy said he was only asking a civil question, a point of
information: all he wanted to know was, what was the terms of the
resolution?  Was they in favour of the Beano or not?

The chairman responded that the meeting was unanimously in favour.

Harlow said that the next thing to be done was to decide upon the
date.  Crass suggested the last Saturday in August.  That would give
them plenty of time to pay in.

Sawkins asked whether it was proposed to have a day or only half a
day.  He himself was in favour of the whole day.  It would only mean
losing a morning's work.  It was hardly worth going at all if they
only had half the day.

The Semi-drunk remarked that he had just thought of a very good place
to go if they decided to have a change.  Three years ago he was
working for Dauber and Botchit and they went to `The First In and the
Last Out' at Bashford.  It was a very small place, but there was a
field where you could have a game of cricket or football, and the
dinner was A1 at Lloyds.  There was also a skittle alley attached to
the pub and no charge was made for the use of it.  There was a bit of
a river there, and one of the chaps got so drunk that he went orf his
onion and jumped into the water, and when they got him out the village
policeman locked him up, and the next day he was took before the beak
and fined two pounds or a month's hard labour for trying to commit

Easton pointed out that there was another way to look at it: supposing
they decided to have the Beano, he supposed it would come to about six
shillings a head.  If they had it at the end of August and started
paying in now, say a tanner a week, they would have plenty of time to
make up the amount, but supposing the work fell off and some of them
got the push?

Crass said that in that case a man could either have his money back or
he could leave it, and continue his payments even if he were working
for some other firm; the fact that he was off from Rushton's would not
prevent him from going to the Beano.

Harlow proposed that they decide to go to the Queen Elizabeth the same
as last year, and that they have half a day.

Philpot said that, in order to get on with the business, he would
second the resolution.

Bundy suggested - as an amendment -. that it should be a whole day,
starting from the Cricketers at nine in the morning, and Sawkins said
that, in order to get on with the business, he would second the

One of the new hands said he wished to move another amendment.  He
proposed to strike out the Queen Elizabeth and substitute the Three

The Chairman - after a pause - inquired if there were any seconder to
this, and the Semi-drunk said that, although he did not care much
where they went, still, to get on with the business, he would second
the amendment, although for his own part he would prefer to go to the
`First In and Last Out' at Bashford.

The new hand offered to withdraw his suggestion re the Three
Loggerheads in favour of the Semi-drunks proposition, but the latter
said it didn't matter; it could go as it was.

As it was getting rather late, several men went home, and cries of
`Put the question' began to be heard on all sides; the chairman
accordingly was proceeding to put Harlow's proposition when the new
hand interrupted him by pointing out that it was his duty as chairman
to put the amendments first.  This produced another long discussion,
in the course of which a very tall, thin man who had a harsh, metallic
voice gave a long rambling lecture about the rules of order and the
conduct of public meetings.  He spoke very slowly and deliberately,
using very long words and dealing with the subject in an exhaustive
manner.  A resolution was a resolution, and an amendment was an
amendment; then there was what was called an amendment to an
amendment; the procedure of the House of Commons differed very
materially from that of the House of Lords - and so on.

This man kept on talking for about ten minutes, and might have
continued for ten hours if he had not been rudely interrupted by
Harlow, who said that it seemed to him that they were likely to stay
there all night if they went on like they were going.  He wanted his
tea, and he would also like to get a few hours' sleep before having to
resume work in the morning.  He was getting about sick of all this
talk.  (Hear, hear.)  In order to get on with the business, he would
withdraw his resolution if the others would withdraw their amendments.
If they would agree to do this, he would then propose another
resolution which - if carried - would meet all the requirements of the
case.  (Applause.)

The man with the metallic voice observed that it was not necessary to
ask the consent of those who had moved amendments: if the original
proposition was withdrawed, all the amendments fell to the ground.

`Last year,' observed Crass, `when we was goin' out of the room after
we'd finished our dinner at the Queen Elizabeth, the landlord pointed
to the table and said, "There's enough left over for you all to 'ave
another lot."'  (Cheers.)

Harlow said that he would move that it be held on the last Saturday in
August; that it be for half a day, starting at one o'clock so that
they could work up till twelve, which would mean that they would only
have to lose one hour's pay: that they go to the same place as last
year - the Queen Elizabeth.  (Hear, hear.)  That the same committee
that acted last year - Crass and Bundy - be appointed to make all the
arrangements and collect the subscriptions.  (Applause.)

The tall man observed that this was what was called a compound
resolution, and was proceeding to explain further when the chairman
exclaimed that it did not matter a dam' what it was called - would
anyone second it?  The Semi-drunk said that he would - in order to get
on with the business.

Bundy moved, and Sawkins seconded, as an amendment, that it should be
a whole day.

The new hand moved to substitute the Loggerheads for the Queen

Easton proposed to substitute Madame Tussaud's Waxworks for the Queen
Elizabeth.  He said he moved this just to test the feeling of the

Harlow pointed out that it would cost at least a pound a head to
defray the expenses of such a trip.  The railway fares, tram fares in
London, meals - for it would be necessary to have a whole day - and
other incidental expenses; to say nothing of the loss of wages.  It
would not be possible for any of them to save the necessary amount
during the next four months.  (Hear, hear.)

Philpot repeated his warning as to the danger of visiting Madame
Tussaud's.  He was certain that if she once got them in there she
would never let them out again.  He had no desire to pass the rest of
his life as an image in a museum.

One of the new hands - a man with a red tie - said that they would
look well, after having been soaked for a month or two in petrifying
liquid, chained up in the Chamber of Horrors with labels round their
necks - `Specimens of Liberal and Conservative upholders of the
Capitalist System, 20 century'.

Crass protested against the introduction of politics into that
meeting.  (Hear, hear.)  The remarks of the last speakers were most

Easton said that he would withdraw his amendment.

Acting under the directions of the man with the metallic voice, the
chairman now proceeded to put the amendment to the vote.  Bundy's
proposal that it should be a whole day was defeated, only himself,
Sawkins and the Semi-drunk being in favour.  The motion to substitute
the Loggerheads for the Queen Elizabeth was also defeated, and the
compound resolution proposed by Harlow was then carried nem. con.

Philpot now proposed a hearty vote of thanks to the chairman for the
very able manner in which he had conducted the meeting.  When this had
been unanimously agreed to, the Semi-drunk moved a similar tribute of
gratitude to Crass for his services to the cause and the meeting

Chapter 42


During the early part of May the weather was exceptionally bad, with
bitterly cold winds.  Rain fell nearly every day, covering the roads
with a slush that penetrated the rotten leather of the cheap or
second-hand boots worn by the workmen.  This weather had the effect of
stopping nearly all outside work, and also caused a lot of illness,
for those who were so fortunate as to have inside jobs frequently got
wet through on their way to work in the morning and had to work all
day in damp clothing, and with their boots saturated with water.  It
was also a source of trouble to those of the men who had allotments,
because if it had been fine they would have been able to do something
to their gardens while they were out of work.

Newman had not succeeded in getting a job at the trade since he came
out of prison, but he tried to make a little money by hawking bananas.
Philpot - when he was at work - used often to buy a tanner's or a
bob's worth from him and give them to Mrs Linden's children.  On
Saturdays Old Joe used to waylay these children and buy them bags of
cakes at the bakers.  One week when he knew that Mrs Linden had not
had much work to do, he devised a very cunning scheme to help her.  He
had been working with Slyme, who was papering a large boarded ceiling
in a shop.  It had to be covered with unbleached calico before it
could be papered and when the work was done there were a number of
narrow pieces of calico left over.  These he collected and tore into
strips about six inches wide which he took round to Mrs Linden, and
asked her to sew them together, end to end, so as to make one long
strip: then this long strip had to be cut into four pieces of equal
length and the edges sewn together in such a manner that it would form
a long tube.  Philpot told her that it was required for some work that
Rushton's were doing, and said he had undertaken to get the sewing
done.  The firm would have to pay for it, so she could charge a good

`You see,' he said with a wink, `this is one of those jobs where we
gets a chance to get some of our own back.'

Mary thought it was rather a strange sort of job, but she did as
Philpot directed and when he came for the stuff and asked how much it
was she said threepence: it had only taken about half an hour.
Philpot ridiculed this: it was not nearly enough.  THEY were not
supposed to know how long it took: it ought to be a bob at the very
least.  So, after some hesitation she made out a bill for that amount
on a half-sheet of note-paper.  He brought her the money the next
Saturday afternoon and went off chuckling to himself over the success
of the scheme.  It did not occur to him until the next day that he
might just as well have got her to make him an apron or two: and when
he did think of this he said that after all it didn't matter, because
if he had done that it would have been necessary to buy new calico,
and anyhow, it could be done some other time.

Newman did not make his fortune out of the bananas - seldom more than
two shillings a day - and consequently he was very glad when Philpot
called at his house one evening and told him there was a chance of a
job at Rushton's.  Newman accordingly went to the yard the next
morning, taking his apron and blouse and his bag of tools with him,
ready to start work.  He got there at about quarter to six and was
waiting outside when Hunter arrived.  The latter was secretly very
glad to see him, for there was a rush of work in and they were short
of men.  He did not let this appear, of course, but hesitated for a
few minutes when Newman repeated the usual formula: `Any chance of a
job, sir?'

`We wasn't at all satisfied with you last time you was on, you know,'
said Misery.  `Still, I don't mind giving you another chance.  But if
you want to hold your job you'll have to move yourself a bit quicker
than you did before.'

Towards the end of the month things began to improve all round.  The
weather became finer and more settled.  As time went on the
improvement was maintained and nearly everyone was employed.
Rushton's were so busy that they took on several other old hands who
had been sacked the previous year for being too slow.

Thanks to the influence of Crass, Easton was now regarded as one of
the regular hands.  He had recently resumed the practice of spending
some of his evenings at the Cricketers.  It is probable that even if
it had not been for his friendship with Crass, he would still have
continued to frequent the public house, for things were not very
comfortable at home.  Somehow or other, Ruth and he seemed to be
always quarrelling, and he was satisfied that it was not always his
fault.  Sometimes, after the day's work was over he would go home
resolved to be good friends with her: he would plan on his way
homewards to suggest to her that they should have their tea and then
go out for a walk with the child.  Once or twice she agreed, but on
each occasion, they quarrelled before they got home again.  So after a
time he gave up trying to be friends with her and went out by himself
every evening as soon as he had had his tea.

Mary Linden, who was still lodging with them, could not help
perceiving their unhappiness: she frequently noticed that Ruth's eyes
were red and swollen as if with crying, and she gently sought to gain
her confidence, but without success.  On one occasion when Mary was
trying to advise her, Ruth burst out into a terrible fit of weeping,
but she would not say what was the cause - except that her head was
aching - she was not well, that was all.

Sometimes Easton passed the evening at the Cricketers but frequently
he went over to the allotments, where Harlow had a plot of ground.
Harlow used to get up about four o'clock in the morning and put in an
hour or so at his garden before going to work; and every evening as
soon as he had finished tea he used to go there again and work till it
was dark.  Sometimes he did not go home to tea at all, but went
straight from work to the garden, and his children used to bring his
tea to him there in a glass bottle, with something to eat in a little
basket.  He had four children, none of whom were yet old enough to go
to work, and as may be imagined, he found it a pretty hard struggle to
live.  He was not a teetotaller, but as he often remarked, `what the
publicans got from him wouldn't make them very fat', for he often went
for weeks together without tasting the stuff, except a glass or two
with the Sunday dinner, which he did not regard as an unnecessary
expense, because it was almost as cheap as tea or coffee.

Fortunately his wife was a good needlewoman, and as sober and
industrious as himself; by dint of slaving incessantly from morning
till night she managed to keep her home fairly comfortable and the
children clean and decently dressed; they always looked respectable,
although they did not always have enough proper food to eat.  They
looked so respectable that none of the `visiting ladies' ever regarded
them as deserving cases.

Harlow paid fifteen shillings a year for his plot of ground, and
although it meant a lot of hard work it was also a source of pleasure
and some profit.  He generally made a few shillings out of the
flowers, besides having enough potatoes and other vegetables to last
them nearly all the year.

Sometimes Easton went over to the allotments and lent Harlow a hand
with this gardening work, but whether he went there or to the
Cricketers, he usually returned home about half past nine, and then
went straight to bed, often without speaking a single word to Ruth,
who for her part seldom spoke to him except to answer something he
said, or to ask some necessary question.  At first, Easton used to
think that it was all because of the way he had behaved to her in the
public house, but when he apologized - as he did several times - and
begged her to forgive him and forget about it, she always said it was
all right; there was nothing to forgive.  Then, after a time, he began
to think it was on account of their poverty and the loss of their
home, for nearly all their furniture had been sold during the last
winter.  But whenever he talked of trying to buy some more things to
make the place comfortable again, she did not appear to take any
interest: the house was neat enough as it was: they could manage very
well, she said, indifferently.

One evening, about the middle of June, when he had been over to the
allotments, Easton brought her home a bunch of flowers that Harlow had
given him - some red and white roses and some pansies.  When he came
in, Ruth was packing his food basket for the next day.  The baby was
asleep in its cot on the floor near the window.  Although it was
nearly nine o'clock the lamp had not yet been lighted and the mournful
twilight that entered the room through the open window increased the
desolation of its appearance.  The fire had burnt itself out and the
grate was filled with ashes.  On the hearth was an old rug made of
jute that had once been printed in bright colours which had faded away
till the whole surface had become almost uniformly drab, showing
scarcely any trace of the original pattern.  The rest of the floor was
bare except for two or three small pieces of old carpet that Ruth had
bought for a few pence at different times at some inferior second-hand
shop.  The chairs and the table were almost the only things that were
left of the original furniture of the room, and except for three or
four plates of different patterns and sizes and a few cups and
saucers, the shelves of the dresser were bare.

The stillness of the atmosphere was disturbed only by the occasional
sound of the wheels of a passing vehicle and the strangely distinct
voices of some children who were playing in the street.

`I've brought you these,' said Easton, offering her the flowers.  `I
thought you'd like them.  I got them from Harlow.  You know I've been
helping him a little with his garden.'

At first he thought she did not want to take them.  She was standing
at the table with her back to the window, so that he was unable to see
the expression of her face, and she hesitated for a moment before she
faltered out some words of thanks and took the flowers, which she put
down on the table almost as soon as she touched them.

Offended at what he considered her contemptuous indifference, Easton
made no further attempt at conversation but went into the scullery to
wash his hands, and then went up to bed.

Downstairs, for a long time after he was gone, Ruth sat alone by the
fireless grate, in the silence and the gathering shadows, holding the
bunch of flowers in her hand, living over again the events of the last
year, and consumed with an agony of remorse.

The presence of Mary Linden and the two children in the house probably
saved Ruth from being more unhappy than she was.  Little Elsie had
made an arrangement with her to be allowed to take the baby out for
walks, and in return Ruth did Elsie's housework.  As for Mary, she had
not much time to do anything but sew, almost the only relaxation she
knew being when she took the work home, and on Sunday, which she
usually devoted to a general clean-up of the room, and to mending the
children's clothes.  Sometimes on Sunday evening she used to go with
Ruth and the children to see Mrs Owen, who, although she was not ill
enough to stay in bed, seldom went out of the house.  She had never
really recovered from the attack of illness which was brought on by
her work at the boarding house.  The doctor had been to see her once
or twice and had prescribed - rest.  She was to lie down as much as
possible, not to do any heavy work - not to carry or lift any heavy
articles, scrub floors, make beds, or anything of that sort: and she
was to take plenty of nourishing food, beef tea, chicken, a little
wine and so on.  He did not suggest a trip round the world in a steam
yacht or a visit to Switzerland - perhaps he thought they might not be
able to afford it.  Sometimes she was so ill that she had to observe
one at least of the doctor's instructions - to lie down: and then she
would worry and fret because she was not able to do the housework and
because Owen had to prepare his own tea when he came home at night.
On one of these occasions it would have been necessary for Owen to
stay at home from work if it had not been for Mrs Easton, who came for
several days in succession to look after her and attend to the house.

Fortunately, Owen's health was better since the weather had become
warmer.  For a long time after the attack of haemorrhage he had while
writing the show-card he used to dread going to sleep at night for
fear it should recur.  He had heard of people dying in their sleep
from that cause.  But this terror gradually left him.  Nora knew
nothing of what occurred that night: to have told her would have done
no good, but on the contrary would have caused her a lot of useless
anxiety.  Sometimes he doubted whether it was right not to tell her,
but as time went by and his health continued to improve he was glad he
had said nothing about it.

Frankie had lately resumed his athletic exercises with the flat iron:
his strength was returning since Owen had been working regularly,
because he had been having his porridge and milk again and also some
Parrish's Food which a chemist at Windley was selling large bottles of
for a shilling.  He used to have what he called a `party' two or three
times a week with Elsie, Charley and Easton's baby as the guests.
Sometimes, if Mrs Owen were not well, Elsie used to stay in with her
after tea and do some housework while the boys went out to play, but
more frequently the four children used to go together to the park to
play or sail boats on the lake.  Once one of the boats was becalmed
about a couple of yards from shore and while trying to reach it with a
stick Frankie fell into the water, and when Charley tried to drag him
out he fell in also.  Elsie put the baby down on the bank and seized
hold of Charley and while she was trying to get him out, the baby
began rolling down, and would probably have tumbled in as well if a
man who happened to be passing by had not rushed up in time to prevent
it.  Fortunately the water at that place was only about two feet deep,
so the boys were not much the worse for their ducking.  They returned
home wet through, smothered with mud, and feeling very important, like
boys who had distinguished themselves.

After this, whenever she could manage to spare the time, Ruth Easton
used to go with the children to the park.  There was a kind of
summer-house near the shore of the lake, only a few feet away from the
water's edge, surrounded and shaded by trees, whose branches arched
over the path and drooped down to the surface of the water.  While the
children played Ruth used to sit in this arbour and sew, but often her
work was neglected and forgotten as she gazed pensively at the water,
which just there looked very still, and dark, and deep, for it was
sheltered from the wind and over-shadowed by the trees that lined the
banks at the end of the lake.

Sometimes, if it happened to be raining, instead of going out the
children used to have some games in the house.  On one such occasion
Frankie produced the flat iron and went through the exercise, and
Charley had a go as well.  But although he was slightly older and
taller than Frankie he could not lift the iron so often or hold it out
so long as the other, a failure that Frankie attributed to the fact
that Charley had too much tea and bread and butter instead of porridge
and milk and Parrish's Food.  Charley was so upset about his lack of
strength that he arranged with Frankie to come home with him the next
day after school to see his mother about it.  Mrs Linden had a flat
iron, so they gave a demonstration of their respective powers before
her.  Mrs Easton being also present, by request, because Frankie said
that the diet in question was suitable for babies as well as big
children.  He had been brought up on it ever since he could remember,
and it was almost as cheap as bread and butter and tea.

The result of the exhibition was that Mrs Linden promised to make
porridge for Charley and Elsie whenever she could spare the time, and
Mrs Easton said she would try it for the baby also.

Chapter 43

The Good Old Summer-time

All through the summer the crowd of ragged-trousered philanthropists
continued to toil and sweat at their noble and unselfish task of
making money for Mr Rushton.

Painting the outsides of houses and shops, washing off and
distempering ceilings, stripping old paper off walls, painting and
papering rooms and staircases, building new rooms or other additions
to old houses or business premises, digging up old drains, repairing
leaky roofs and broken windows.

Their zeal and enthusiasm in the good cause was unbounded.  They were
supposed to start work at six o'clock, but most of them were usually
to be found waiting outside the job at about a quarter to that hour,
sitting on the kerbstones or the doorstep.

Their operations extended all over the town: at all hours of the day
they were to be seen either going or returning from `jobs', carrying
ladders, planks, pots of paint, pails of whitewash, earthenware,
chimney pots, drainpipes, lengths of guttering, closet pans, grates,
bundles of wallpaper, buckets of paste, sacks of cement, and loads of
bricks and mortar.  Quite a common spectacle - for gods and men - was
a procession consisting of a handcart loaded up with such materials
being pushed or dragged through the public streets by about half a
dozen of these Imperialists in broken boots and with battered,
stained, discoloured bowler hats, or caps splashed with paint and
whitewash; their stand-up collars dirty, limp and crumpled, and their
rotten second-hand misfit clothing saturated with sweat and plastered
with mortar.

Even the assistants in the grocers' and drapers' shops laughed and
ridiculed and pointed the finger of scorn at them as they passed.

The superior classes - those who do nothing - regarded them as a sort
of lower animals.  A letter appeared in the Obscurer one week from one
of these well-dressed loafers, complaining of the annoyance caused to
the better-class visitors by workmen walking on the pavement as they
passed along the Grand Parade in the evening on their way home from
work, and suggesting that they should walk in the roadway.  When they
heard of the letter a lot of the workmen adopted the suggestion and
walked in the road so as to avoid contaminating the idlers.

This letter was followed by others of a somewhat similar kind, and one
or two written in a patronizing strain in defence of the working
classes by persons who evidently knew nothing about them.  There was
also a letter from an individual who signed himself `Morpheus'
complaining that he was often awakened out of his beauty sleep in the
middle of the night by the clattering noise of the workmen's boots as
they passed his house on their way to work in the morning.  `Morpheus'
wrote that not only did they make a dreadful noise with their horrible
iron-clad boots, but they were in the habit of coughing and spitting a
great deal, which was very unpleasant to hear, and they conversed in
loud tones.  Sometimes their conversation was not at all edifying, for
it consisted largely of bad language, which `Morpheus' assumed to be
attributable to the fact that they were out of temper because they had
to rise so early.

As a rule they worked till half-past five in the evening, and by the
time they reached home it was six o'clock.  When they had taken their
evening meal and had a wash it was nearly eight: about nine most of
them went to bed so as to be able to get up about half past four the
next morning to make a cup of tea before leaving home at half past
five to go to work again.  Frequently it happened that they had to
leave home earlier than this, because their `job' was more than half
an hour's walk away.  It did not matter how far away the `job' was
from the shop, the men had to walk to and fro in their own time, for
Trades Union rules were a dead letter in Mugsborough.  There were no
tram fares or train fares or walking time allowed for the likes of

Ninety-nine out of every hundred of them did not believe in such
things as those: they had much more sense than to join Trades Unions:
on the contrary, they believed in placing themselves entirely at the
mercy of their good, kind Liberal and Tory masters.

Very frequently it happened, when only a few men were working
together, that it was not convenient to make tea for breakfast or
dinner, and then some of them brought tea with them ready made in
bottles and drank it cold; but most of them went to the nearest pub
and ate their food there with a glass of beer.  Even those who would
rather have had tea or coffee had beer, because if they went to a
temperance restaurant or coffee tavern it generally happened that they
were not treated very civilly unless they bought something to eat as
well as to drink, and the tea at such places was really dearer than
beer, and the latter was certainly quite as good to drink as the
stewed tea or the liquid mud that was sold as coffee at cheap
`Workmen's' Eating Houses.

There were some who were - as they thought - exceptionally lucky: the
firms they worked for were busy enough to let them work two hours'
overtime every night - till half past seven - without stopping for
tea.  Most of these arrived home about eight, completely flattened
out.  Then they had some tea and a wash and before they knew where
they were it was about half past nine.  Then they went to sleep again
till half past four or five the next morning.

They were usually so tired when they got home at night that they never
had any inclination for study or any kind of self-improvement, even if
they had had the time.  They had plenty of time to study during the
winter: and their favourite subject then was, how to preserve
themselves from starving to death.

This overtime, however, was the exception, for although in former
years it had been the almost invariable rule to work till half past
seven in summer, most of the firms now made a practice of ceasing work
at five-thirty.  The revolution which had taken place in this matter
was a favourite topic of conversation amongst the men, who spoke
regretfully of the glorious past, when things were busy, and they used
to work fifteen, sixteen and even eighteen hours a day.  But nowadays
there were nearly as many chaps out of work in the summer as in the
winter.  They used to discuss the causes of the change.  One was, of
course, the fact that there was not so much building going on as
formerly, and another was the speeding up and slave-driving, and the
manner in which the work was now done, or rather scamped.  As old
Philpot said, he could remember the time, when he was a nipper, when
such a `job' as that at `The Cave' would have lasted at least six
months, and they would have had more hands on it too!  But it would
have been done properly, not messed up like that was: all the woodwork
would have been rubbed down with pumice stone and water: all the knots
cut out and the holes properly filled up, and the work properly rubbed
down with glass-paper between every coat.  But nowadays the only place
you'd see a bit of pumice stone was in a glass case in a museum, with
a label on it.

           `Pumice Stone: formerly used by house-painters.'

Most of them spoke of those bygone times with poignant regret, but
there were a few - generally fellows who had been contaminated by
contact with Socialists or whose characters had been warped and
degraded by the perusal of Socialist literature - who said that they
did not desire to work overtime at all - ten hours a day were quite
enough for them - in fact they would rather do only eight.  What they
wanted, they said, was not more work, but more grub, more clothes,
more leisure, more pleasure and better homes.  They wanted to be able
to go for country walks or bicycle rides, to go out fishing or to go
to the seaside and bathe and lie on the beach and so forth.  But these
were only a very few; there were not many so selfish as this.  The
majority desired nothing but to be allowed to work, and as for their
children, why, `what was good enough for themselves oughter be good
enough for the kids'.

They often said that such things as leisure, culture, pleasure and the
benefits of civilization were never intended for `the likes of us'.

They did not - all - actually say this, but that was what their
conduct amounted to; for they not only refused to help to bring about
a better state of things for their children, but they ridiculed and
opposed and cursed and abused those who were trying to do it for them.
The foulest words that came out of their mouths were directed against
the men of their own class in the House of Commons - the Labour
Members - and especially the Socialists, whom they spoke of as fellows
who were too bloody lazy to work for a living, and who wanted the
working classes to keep them.

Some of them said that they did not believe in helping their children
to become anything better than their parents had been because in such
cases the children, when they grew up, `looked down' upon and were
ashamed of their fathers and mothers!  They seemed to think that if
they loved and did their duty to their children, the probability was
that the children would prove ungrateful: as if even if that were
true, it would be any excuse for their indifference.

Another cause of the shortage of work was the intrusion into the trade
of so many outsiders: fellows like Sawkins and the other lightweights.
Whatever other causes there were, there could be no doubt that the
hurrying and scamping was a very real one.  Every `job' had to be done
at once! as if it were a matter of life or death!  It must be finished
by a certain time.  If the `job' was at an empty house, Misery's yarn
was that it was let! the people were coming in at the end of the week!
therefore everything must be finished by Wednesday night.  All the
ceilings had to be washed off, the walls stripped and repapered, and
two coats of paint inside and outside the house.  New drains were to
be put in, and all broken windows and locks and broken plaster
repaired.  A number of men - usually about half as many as there
should have been - would be sent to do the work, and one man was put
in charge of the `job'.  These sub-foremen or `coddies' knew that if
they `made their jobs pay' they would be put in charge of others and
be kept on in preference to other men as long as the firm had any
work; so they helped Misery to scheme and scamp the work and watched
and drove the men under their charge; and these latter poor wretches,
knowing that their only chance of retaining their employment was to
`tear into it', tore into it like so many maniacs.  Instead of
cleaning any parts of the woodwork that were greasy or very dirty,
they brushed them over with a coat of spirit varnish before painting
to make sure that the paint would dry: places where the plaster of the
walls was damaged were repaired with what was humorously called
`garden cement' - which was the technical term for dirt out of the
garden - and the surface was skimmed over with proper material.
Ceilings that were not very dirty were not washed off, but dusted, and
lightly gone over with a thin coat of whitewash.  The old paper was
often left upon the wails of rooms that were supposed to be stripped
before being repapered, and to conceal this the joints of the old
paper were rubbed down so that they should not be perceptible through
the new paper.  As far as possible, Misery and the sub-foreman avoided
doing the work the customers paid for, and even what little they did
was hurried over anyhow.

A reign of terror - the terror of the sack - prevailed on all the
`jobs', which were carried on to the accompaniment of a series of
alarums and excursions: no man felt safe for a moment: at the most
unexpected times Misery would arrive and rush like a whirlwind all
over the `job'.  If he happened to find a man having a spell the
culprit was immediately discharged, but he did not get the opportunity
of doing this very often for everybody was too terrified to leave off
working even for a few minutes' rest.

From the moment of Hunter's arrival until his departure, a state of
panic, hurry, scurry and turmoil reigned.  His strident voice rang
through the house as he bellowed out to them to `Rouse themselves!
Get it done!  Smear it on anyhow!  Tar it over!  We've got another job
to start when you've done this!'

Occasionally, just to keep the others up to concert pitch, he used to
sack one of the men for being too slow.  They all trembled before him
and ran about whenever he spoke to or called them, because they knew
that there were always a lot of other men out of work who would be
willing and eager to fill their places if they got the sack.

Although it was now summer, and the Distress Committee and all the
other committees had suspended operations, there was still always a
large number of men hanging about the vicinity of the Fountain on the
Parade - The Wage Slave Market.  When men finished up for the firm
they were working for they usually made for that place.  Any master in
want of a wage slave for a few hours, days or weeks could always buy
one there.  The men knew this and they also knew that if they got the
sack from one firm it was no easy matter to get another job, and that
was why they were terrified.

When Misery was gone - to repeat the same performance at some other
job - the sub-foreman would have a crawl round to see how the chaps
were getting on: to find out if they had used up all their paint yet,
or to bring them some putty so that they should not have to leave
their work to go to get anything themselves: and then very often
Rushton himself would come and stalk quietly about the house or stand
silently behind the men, watching them as they worked.  He seldom
spoke to anyone, but just stood there like a graven image, or walked
about like a dumb animal - a pig, as the men used to say.  This
individual had a very exalted idea of his own importance and dignity.
One man got the sack for presuming to stop him in the street to ask
some questions about some work that was being done.

Misery went round to all the jobs the next day and told all the
`coddies' to tell all the hands that they were never to speak to Mr
Rushton if they met him in the street, and the following Saturday the
man who had so offended was given his back day, ostensibly because
there was nothing for him to do, but really for the reason stated above.

There was one job, the outside of a large house that stood on elevated
ground overlooking the town.  The men who were working there were even
more than usually uncomfortable, for it was said that Rushton used to
sit in his office and watch them through a telescope.

Sometimes, when it was really necessary to get a job done by a certain
time, they had to work late, perhaps till eight or nine o'clock.  No
time was allowed for tea, but some of them brought sufficient food
with them in the morning to enable them to have a little about six
o'clock in the evening.  Others arranged for their children to bring
them some tea from home.  As a rule, they partook of this without
stopping work: they had it on the floor beside them and ate and drank
and worked at the same time - a paint-brushful of white lead in one
hand, and a piece of bread and margarine in the other.  On some jobs,
if the `coddy' happened to be a decent sort, they posted a sentry to
look out for Hunter or Rushton while the others knocked off for a few
minutes to snatch a mouthful of grub; but it was not safe always to do
this, for there was often some crawling sneak with an ambition to
become a `coddy' who would not scruple to curry favour with Misery by
reporting the crime.

As an additional precaution against the possibility of any of the men
idling or wasting their time, each one was given a time-sheet on which
he was required to account for every minute of the day.  The form of
these sheets vary slightly with different firms: that of Rushton &
Co., was as shown.

                             TIME SHEET
OF WORK DONE BY                                       IN THE EMPLOY OF
                            RUSHTON & CO
BUILDERS & DECORATORS             :                        MUGSBOROUGH


                            IT TOOK TO DO.

     |               | Time When | Time When |       |
     | Where Working | Started   | Finished  | Hours | What Doing
Sat  |               |           |           |       |
Mon  |               |           |           |       |
Tues |               |           |           |       |
Wed  |               |           |           |       |
Thur |               |           |           |       |
Fri  |               |           |           |       |
     |               |           Total Hours |       |

One Monday morning Misery gave each of the sub-foremen an envelope
containing one of the firm s memorandum forms.  Crass opened his and
found the following:


When you are on a job with men under you, check and initial their
time-sheets every night.

If they are called away and sent to some other job, or stood off,
check and initial their time-sheets as they leave your job.

Any man coming on your job during the day, you must take note of the
exact time of his arrival, and see that his sheet is charged right.

Any man who is slow or lazy, or any man that you notice talking more
than is necessary during working hours, you must report him to Mr
Hunter.  We expect you and the other foremen to help us to carry out

Rushton & Co.

Note: This applies to all men of all trades who come on the jobs of
which you are the foreman.

Every week the time-sheets were scrutinized, and every now and then a
man would be `had up on the carpet' in the office before Rushton and
Misery, and interrogated as to why he had taken fifteen hours to do
ten hours work?  In the event of the accused being unable to give a
satisfactory explanation of his conduct he was usually sacked on the

Misery was frequently called `up on the carpet' himself.

If he made a mistake in figuring out a `job', and gave in too high a
tender for it, so that the firm did not get the work, Rushton
grumbled.  If the price was so low that there was not enough profit,
Rushton was very unpleasant about it, and whenever it happened that
there was not only no profit but an actual loss, Rushton created such
a terrible disturbance that Misery was nearly frightened to death and
used to get on his bicycle and rush off to the nearest `job' and howl
and bellow at the `chaps' to get it done.

All the time the capabilities of the men - especially with regard to
speed - were carefully watched and noted: and whenever there was a
slackness of work and it was necessary to discharge some hands those
that were slow or took too much pains were weeded out: this of course
was known to the men and it had the desired effect upon them.

In justice to Rushton and Hunter, it must be remembered that there was
a certain amount of excuse for all this driving and cheating, because
they had to compete with all the other firms, who conducted their
business in precisely the same way.  It was not their fault, but the
fault of the system.

A dozen firms tendered for every `job', and of course the lowest
tender usually obtained the work.  Knowing this, they all cut the
price down to the lowest possible figure and the workmen had to

The trouble was that there were too many `masters'.  It would have
been far better for the workmen if nine out of every ten of the
employers had never started business.  Then the others would have been
able to get a better price for their work, and the men might have had
better wages and conditions.  The hands, however, made no such
allowances or excuses as these for Misery and Rushton.  They never
thought or spoke of them except with hatred and curses.  But whenever
either of them came to the `job' the `coddies' cringed and grovelled
before them, greeting them with disgustingly servile salutations,
plentifully interspersed with the word `Sir', greetings which were
frequently either ignored altogether or answered with an inarticulate
grunt.  They said `Sir' at nearly every second word: it made one feel
sick to hear them because it was not courtesy: they were never
courteous to each other, it was simply abject servility and

One of the results of all the frenzied hurrying was that every now and
then there was an accident: somebody got hurt: and it was strange that
accidents were not more frequent, considering the risk, that were
taken.  When they happened to be working on ladders in busy streets
they were not often allowed to have anyone to stand at the foot, and
the consequence was that all sorts and conditions of people came into
violent collision with the bottoms of the ladders.  Small boys playing
in the reckless manner characteristic of their years rushed up against
them.  Errand boys, absorbed in the perusal of penny instalments of
the adventures of Claude Duval, and carrying large baskets of
green-groceries, wandered into them.  Blind men fell foul of them.
Adventurous schoolboys climbed up them.  People with large feet became
entangled in them.  Fat persons of both sexes who thought it unlucky
to walk underneath, tried to negotiate the narrow strip of pavement
between the foot of the ladder and the kerb, and in their passage
knocked up against the ladder and sometimes fell into the road.
Nursemaids wheeling perambulators - lolling over the handle, which
they usually held with their left hands, the right holding a copy of
Orange Blossoms or some halfpenny paper, and so interested in the
story of the Marquis of Lymejuice - a young man of noble presence and
fabulous wealth, with a drooping golden moustache and very long legs,
who, notwithstanding the diabolical machinations of Lady Sibyl
Malvoise, who loves him as well as a woman with a name like that is
capable of loving anyone, is determined to wed none other than the
scullery-maid at the Village Inn - inevitably bashed the perambulators
into the ladders.  Even when the girls were not reading they nearly
always ran into the ladders, which seemed to possess a magnetic
attraction for perambulators and go-carts of all kinds, whether
propelled by nurses or mothers.  Sometimes they would advance very
cautiously towards the ladder: then, when they got very near, hesitate
a little whether to go under or run the risk of falling into the
street by essaying the narrow passage: then they would get very close
up to the foot of the ladder, and dodge and dance about, and give the
cart little pushes from side to side, until at last the magnetic
influence exerted itself and the perambulator crashed into the ladder,
perhaps at the very moment that the man at the top was stretching out
to do some part of the work almost beyond his reach.

Once Harlow had just started painting some rainpipes from the top of a
40-ft ladder when one of several small boys who were playing in the
street ran violently against the foot.  Harlow was so startled that he
dropped his brushes and clutched wildly at the ladder, which turned
completely round and slid about six feet along the parapet into the
angle of the wall, with Harlow hanging beneath by his hands.  The
paint pot was hanging by a hook from one of the rungs, and the jerk
scattered the brown paint it contained all over Harlow and all over
the brickwork of the front of the house.  He managed to descend safely
by clasping his legs round the sides of the ladder and sliding down.
When Misery came there was a row about what he called carelessness.
And the next day Harlow had to wear his Sunday trousers to work.

On another occasion they were painting the outside of a house called
`Gothic Lodge'.  At one corner it had a tower surmounted by a spire or
steeple, and this steeple terminated with an ornamental wrought-iron
pinnacle which had to be painted.  The ladder they had was not quite
long enough, and besides that, as it had to stand in a sort of a
courtyard at the base of the tower, it was impossible to slant it
sufficiently: instead of lying along the roof of the steeple, it was
sticking up in the air.

When Easton went up to paint the pinnacle he had to stand on almost
the very top rung of the ladder, to be exact, the third from the top,
and lean over to steady himself by holding on to the pinnacle with his
left hand while he used the brush with his right.  As it was only
about twenty minutes' work there were two men to hold the foot of the

It was cheaper to do it this way than to rig up a proper scaffold,
which would have entailed perhaps two hours' work for two or three
men.  Of course it was very dangerous, but that did not matter at all,
because even if the man fell it would make no difference to the firm -
all the men were insured and somehow or other, although they
frequently had narrow escapes, they did not often come to grief.

On this occasion, just as Easton was finishing he felt the pinnacle
that he was holding on to give way, and he got such a fright that his
heart nearly stopped beating.  He let go his hold and steadied himself
on the ladder as well as he was able, and when he had descended three
or four steps - into comparative safety - he remained clinging
convulsively to the ladder and feeling so limp that he was unable to
go down any further for several minutes.  When he arrived at the
bottom and the others noticed how white and trembling he was, he told
them about the pinnacle being loose, and the `coddy' coming along just
then, they told him about it, and suggested that it should be
repaired, as otherwise it might fall down and hurt someone: but the
`coddy' was afraid that if they reported it they might be blamed for
breaking it, and the owner might expect the firm to put it right for
nothing, so they decided to say nothing about it.  The pinnacle is
stilt on the apex of the steeple waiting for a sufficiently strong
wind to blow it down on somebody's head.

When the other men heard of Easton's `narrow shave', most of them said
that it would have served him bloody well right if he had fallen and
broken his neck: he should have refused to go up at all without a
proper scaffold.  That was what THEY would have done.  If Misery or
the coddy had ordered any of THEM to go up and paint the pinnacle off
that ladder, they would have chucked their tools down and demanded
their ha'pence!

That was what they said, but somehow or other it never happened that
any of them ever `chucked their tools down' at all, although such
dangerous jobs were of very frequent occurrence.

The scamping business was not confined to houses or properties of an
inferior class: it was the general rule.  Large good-class houses,
villas and mansions, the residences of wealthy people, were done in
exactly the same way.  Generally in such places costly and beautiful
materials were spoilt in the using.

There was a large mansion where the interior woodwork - the doors,
windows and staircase - had to be finished in white enamel.  It was
rather an old house and the woodwork needed rubbing down and filling
up before being repainted, but of course there was not time for that,
so they painted it without properly preparing it and when it was
enamelled the rough, uneven surface of the wood looked horrible: but
the owner appeared quite satisfied because it was nice and shiny.  The
dining-room of the same house was papered with a beautiful and
expensive plush paper.  The ground of this wall-hanging was made to
imitate crimson watered silk, and it was covered with a raised pattern
in plush of the same colour.  The price marked on the back of this
paper in the pattern book was eighteen shillings a roll.  Slyme was
paid sixpence a roll for hanging it: the room took ten rolls, so it
cost nine pounds for the paper and five shillings to hang it!  To fix
such a paper as this properly the walls should first be done with a
plain lining paper of the same colour as the ground of the wallpaper
itself, because unless the paperhanger `lapps' the joints - which
should not be done - they are apt to open a little as the paper dries
and to show the white wall underneath - Slyme suggested this lining to
Misery, who would not entertain the idea for a moment - they had gone
to quite enough expense as it was, stripping the old paper off!

So Slyme went ahead, and as he had to make his wages, he could not
spend a great deal of time over it.  Some of the joints were `lapped'
and some were butted, and two or three weeks after the owner of the
house moved in, as the paper became more dry, the joints began to open
and to show the white plaster of the wall, and then Owen had to go
there with a small pot of crimson paint and a little brush, and touch
out the white line.

While he was doing this he noticed and touched up a number of other
faults; places where Slyme - in his haste to get the work done - had
slobbered and smeared the face of the paper with fingermarks and

The same ghastly mess was made of several other `jobs' besides this
one, and presently they adopted the plan of painting strips of colour
on the wall in the places where the joints would come, so that if they
opened the white wall would not show: but it was found that the paste
on the back of the paper dragged the paint off the wall, and when the
joints opened the white streaks showed all the same, so Misery
abandoned all attempts to prevent joints showing, and if a customer
complained, he sent someone to `touch it up': but the lining paper was
never used, unless the customer or the architect knew enough about the
work to insist upon it.

In other parts of the same house the ceilings, the friezes, and the
dados, were covered with `embossed' or `relief' papers.  These
hangings require very careful handling, for the raised parts are
easily damaged; but the men who fixed them were not allowed to take
the pains and time necessary to make good work: consequently in many
places - especially at the joints - the pattern was flattened out and

The ceiling of the drawing-room was done with a very thick high-relief
paper that was made in sheets about two feet square.  These squares
were not very true in shape: they had evidently warped in drying after
manufacture: to make them match anything like properly would need
considerable time and care.  But the men were not allowed to take the
necessary time.  The result was that when it was finished it presented
a sort of `higgledy-piggledy' appearance.  But it didn't matter:
nothing seemed to matter except to get it done.  One would think from
the way the hands were driven and chivvied and hurried over the work
that they were being paid five or six shillings an hour instead of as
many pence.

`Get it done!' shouted Misery from morning till night.  `For God's
sake get it done!  Haven't you finished yet?  We're losing money over
this "job"!  If you chaps don't wake up and move a bit quicker, I
shall see if I can't get somebody else who will.'

These costly embossed decorations were usually finished in white; but
instead of carefully coating them with specially prepared paint of
patent distemper, which would need two or three coats, they slobbered
one thick coat of common whitewash on to it with ordinary whitewash

This was a most economical way to get over it, because it made it
unnecessary to stop up the joints beforehand - the whitewash filled up
all the cracks: and it also filled up the hollow parts, the crevices
and interstices of the ornament, destroying the sharp outlines of the
beautiful designs and reducing the whole to a lumpy, formless mass.
But that did not matter either, so long as they got it done.

The architect didn't notice it, because he knew that the more Rushton
& Co. made out of the `job', the more he himself would make.

The man who had to pay for the work didn't notice it; he had the
fullest confidence in the architect.

At the risk of wearying the long-suffering reader, mention must be
made of an affair that happened at this particular `job'.

The windows were all fitted with venetian blinds.  The gentleman for
whom all the work was being done had only just purchased the house,
but he preferred roller blinds: he had had roller blinds in his former
residence - which he had just sold - and as these roller blinds were
about the right size, he decided to have them fitted to the windows of
his new house: so he instructed Mr Rushton to have all the venetian
blinds taken down and stored away up in the loft under the roof.  Mr
Rushton promised to have this done; but they were not ALL put away
under the roof: he had four of them taken to his own place and fitted
up in the conservatory.  They were a little too large, so they had to
be narrowed before they were fixed.

The sequel was rather interesting, for it happened that when the
gentleman attempted to take the roller blinds from his old house, the
person to whom he had sold it refused to allow them to be removed;
claiming that when he bought the house, he bought the blinds also.
There was a little dispute, but eventually it was settled that way and
the gentleman decided that he would have the venetian blinds in his
new house after all, and instructed the people who moved his furniture
to take the venetians down again from under the roof, and refix them,
and then, of course, it was discovered that four of the blinds were
missing.  Mr Rushton was sent for, and he said that he couldn't
understand it at all!  The only possible explanation that he could
think of was that some of his workmen must have stolen them!  He would
make inquiries, and endeavour to discover the culprits, but in any
case, as this had happened while things were in his charge, if he did
not succeed in recovering them, he would replace them.

As the blinds had been narrowed to fit the conservatory he had to have
four new ones made.

The customer was of course quite satisfied, although very sorry for Mr
Rushton.  They had a little chat about it.  Rushton told the gentleman
that he would be astonished if he knew all the facts: the difficulties
one has to contend with in dealing with working men: one has to watch
them continually! directly one's back is turned they leave off
working!  They come late in the morning, and go home before the proper
time at night, and then unless one actually happens to catch them -
they charge the full number of hours on their time sheets!  Every now
and then something would be missing, and of course Nobody knew
anything about it.  Sometimes one would go unexpectedly to a `job' and
find a lot of them drunk.  Of course one tried to cope with these
evils by means of rules and restrictions and organization, but it was
very difficult - one could not be everywhere or have eyes at the back
of one's head.  The gentleman said that he had some idea of what it
was like: he had had something to do with the lower orders himself at
one time and another, and he knew they needed a lot of watching.

Rushton felt rather sick over this affair, but he consoled himself by
reflecting that he had got clear away with several valuable rose trees
and other plants which he had stolen out of the garden, and that a
ladder which had been discovered in the hayloft over the stable and
taken - by his instructions - to the `yard' when the `job' was
finished had not been missed.

Another circumstance which helped to compensate for the blinds was
that the brass fittings throughout the house, finger-plates,
sash-lifts and locks, bolts and door handles, which were supposed to
be all new and which the customer had paid a good price for - were
really all the old ones which Misery had had re-lacquered and refixed.

There was nothing unusual about this affair of the blinds, for Rushton
and Misery robbed everybody.  They made a practice of annexing every
thing they could lay their hands upon, provided it could be done
without danger to themselves.  They never did anything of a heroic or
dare-devil character: they had not the courage to break into banks or
jewellers' shops in the middle of the night, or to go out picking
pockets: all their robberies were of the sneak-thief order.

At one house that they `did up' Misery made a big haul.  He had to get
up into the loft under the roof to see what was the matter with the
water tank.  When he got up there he found a very fine hall gas lamp
made of wrought brass and copper with stained and painted glass sides.
Although covered with dust, it was otherwise in perfect condition, so
Misery had it taken to his own house and cleaned up and fixed in the

In the same loft there were a lot of old brass picture rods and other
fittings, and three very good planks, each about ten feet in length;
these latter had been placed across the rafters so that one could walk
easily and safely over to the tank. But Misery thought they would be
very useful to the firm for whitewashing ceilings and other work, so
he had them taken to the yard along with the old brass, which was
worth about fourpence a pound.

There was another house that had to be painted inside: the people who
used to live there had only just left: they had moved to some other
town, and the house had been re-let before they vacated it.  The new
tenant had agreed with the agent that the house was to be renovated
throughout before he took possession.

The day after the old tenants moved away, the agent gave Rushton the
key so that he could go to see what was to be done and give an
estimate for the work.

While Rushton and Misery were looking over the house they discovered a
large barometer hanging on the wall behind the front door: it had been
overlooked by those who removed the furniture.  Before returning the
key to the agent, Rushton sent one of his men to the house for the
barometer, which he kept in his office for a few weeks to see if there
would be any inquiries about it.  If there had been, it would have
been easy to say that he had brought it there for safety - to take
care of till he could find the owner.  The people to whom it belonged
thought the thing had been lost or stolen in transit, and afterwards
one of the workmen who had assisted to pack and remove the furniture
was dismissed from his employment on suspicion of having had something
to do with its disappearance.  No one ever thought of Rushton in
connection with the matter, so after about a month he had it taken to
his own dwelling and hung up in the hall near the carved oak
marble-topped console table that he had sneaked last summer from 596
Grand Parade.

And there it hangs unto this day: and close behind it, supported by
cords of crimson silk, is a beautiful bevelled-edged card about a foot
square, and upon this card is written, in letters of gold: `Christ is
the head of this house; the unseen Guest at every meal, the silent
Listener to every conversation.'

And on the other side of the barometer is another card of the same
kind and size which says: `As for me and my house we will serve the

From another place they stole two large brass chandeliers.  This house
had been empty for a very long time, and its owner - who did not
reside in the town - wished to sell it.  The agent, to improve the
chances of a sale, decided to have the house overhauled and
redecorated.  Rushton & Co.'s tender being the lowest, they got the
work.  The chandeliers in the drawing-room and the dining-room were of
massive brass, but they were all blackened and tarnished.  Misery
suggested to the agent that they could be cleaned and relacquered,
which would make them equal to new: in fact, they would be better than
new ones, for such things as these were not made now, and for once
Misery was telling the truth.  The agent agreed and the work was done:
it was an extra, of course, and as the firm got twice as much for the
job as they paid for having it done, they were almost satisfied.

When this and all the other work was finished they sent in their
account and were paid.

Some months afterwards the house was sold, and Nimrod interviewed the
new proprietor with the object of securing the order for any work that
he might want done.  He was successful.  The papers on the walls of
several of the rooms were not to the new owner's taste, and, of
course, the woodwork would have to be re-painted to harmonize with the
new paper.  There was a lot of other work besides this: a new
conservatory to build, a more modern bath and heating apparatus to be
put in, and the electric light to be installed, the new people having
an objection to the use of gas.

The specifications were prepared by an architect, and Rushton secured
the work.  When the chandeliers were taken down, the men, instructed
by Misery, put them on a handcart, and covered them over with sacks
and dust-sheets and took them to the front shop, where they were
placed for sale with the other stock.

When all the work at the house was finished, it occurred to Rushton
and Nimrod that when the architect came to examine and pass the work
before giving them the certificate that would enable them to present
their account, he might remember the chandeliers and inquire what had
become of them.  So they were again placed on the handcart, covered
with sacks and dust-sheets, taken back to the house and put up in the
loft under the roof so that, if he asked for them, there they were.

The architect came, looked ever the house, passed the work, and gave
his certificate; he never mentioned or thought of the chandeliers.
The owner of the house was present and asked for Rushton's bill, for
which he at once gave them a cheque and Rushton and Misery almost
grovelled and wallowed on the ground before him.  Throughout the whole
interview the architect and the `gentleman' had kept their hats on,
but Rushton and Nimrod had been respectfully uncovered all the time,
and as they followed the other two about the house their bearing had
been expressive of the most abject servility.

When the architect and the owner were gone the two chandeliers were
taken down again from under the roof, and put upon a handcart, covered
over with sacks and dust-sheets and taken back to the shop and again
placed for sale with the other stock.

These are only a few of the petty thefts committed by these people.
To give anything approaching a full account of all the rest would
require a separate volume.

As a result of all the hurrying and scamping, every now and again the
men found that they had worked themselves out of a job.

Several times during the summer the firm had scarcely anything to do,
and nearly everybody had to stand off for a few days or weeks.

When Newman got his first start in the early part of the year he had
only been working for about a fortnight when - with several others -
he was `stood off'.  Fortunately, however, the day after he left
Rushtons, he was lucky enough to get a start for another firm, Driver
and Botchit, where he worked for nearly a month, and then he was again
given a job at Rushton's, who happened to be busy again.

He did not have to lose much time, for he `finished up' for Driver and
Botchit on a Thursday night and on the Friday he interviewed Misery,
who told him they were about to commence a fresh `jab' on the
following Monday morning at six o'clock, and that he could start with
them.  So this time Newman was only out of work the Friday and
Saturday, which was another stroke of luck, because it often happens
that a man has to lose a week or more after `finishing up' for one
firm before he gets another `job'.

All through the summer Crass continued to be the general `colour-man',
most of his time being spent at the shop mixing up colours for all the
different `jobs'.  He also acted as a sort of lieutenant to Hunter,
who, as the reader has already been informed, was not a practical
painter.  When there was a price to be given for some painting work,
Misery sometimes took Crass with him to look over it and help him to
estimate the amount of time and material it would take.  Crass was
thus in a position of more than ordinary importance, not only being
superior to the `hands', but also ranking above the other sub-foremen
who had charge of the `jobs'.

It was Crass and these sub-foremen who were to blame for most of the
scamping and driving, because if it had not been for them neither
Rushton nor Hunter would have known how to scheme the work.

Of course, Hunter and Rushton wanted to drive and scamp, but not being
practical men they would not have known how if it had not been for
Crass and the others, who put them up to all the tricks of the trade.

Crass knew that when the men stayed till half past seven they were in
the habit of ceasing work for a few minutes to eat a mouthful of grub
about six o'clock, so he suggested to Misery that as it was not
possible to stop this, it would be a good plan to make the men stop
work altogether from half past five till six, and lose half an hour's
pay; and to make up the time, instead of leaving off at seven-thirty,
they could work till eight.

Misery had known of and winked at the former practice, for he knew
that the men could not work all that time without something to eat,
but Crass's suggestion seemed a much better way, and it was adopted.

When the other masters in Mugsborough heard of this great reform they
all followed suit, and it became the rule in that town, whenever it
was necessary to work overtime, for the men to stay till eight instead
of half past seven as formerly, and they got no more pay than before.

Previous to this summer it had been the almost invariable rule to have
two men in each room that was being painted, but Crass pointed out to
Misery that under such circumstances they wasted time talking to each
other, and they also acted as a check on one another: each of them
regulated the amount of work he did by the amount the other did, and
if the `job' took too long it was always difficult to decide which of
the two was to blame: but if they were made to work alone, each of
them would be on his mettle; he would not know how much the others
were doing, and the fear of being considered slow in comparison with
others would make them all tear into it all they could.

Misery thought this a very good idea, so the solitary system was
introduced, and as far as practicable, one room, one man became the

They even tried to make the men distemper large ceilings
single-handed, and succeeded in one or two cases, but after several
ceilings had been spoilt and had to be washed off and done over again,
they gave that up: but nearly all the other work was now arranged on
the `solitary system', and it worked splendidly: each man was
constantly in a state of panic as to whether the others were doing
more work than himself.

Another suggestion that Crass made to Misery was that the sub-foremen
should be instructed never to send a man into a room to prepare it for

`If you sends a man into a room to get it ready,' said Crass, `'e
makes a meal of it!  'E spends as much time messin' about rubbin' down
and stoppin' up as it would take to paint it.  But,' he added, with a
cunning leer, `give 'em a bit of putty and a little bit of glass-paper,
and the paint at the stand, and then 'e gits it in 'is mind as 'e's
going in there to paint it!  And 'e doesn't mess about much over the
preparing of it'.

These and many other suggestions - all sorts of devices for scamping
and getting over the work - were schemed out by Crass and the other
sub-foremen, who put them into practice and showed them to Misery and
Rushton in the hope of currying favour with them and being `kept on'.
And between the lot of them they made life a veritable hell for
themselves, and the hands, and everybody else around them.  And the
mainspring of it all was - the greed and selfishness of one man, who
desired to accumulate money!  For this was the only object of all the
driving and bullying and hatred and cursing and unhappiness - to make
money for Rushton, who evidently considered himself a deserving case.

It is sad and discreditable, but nevertheless true, that some of the
more selfish of the philanthropists often became weary of well-doing,
and lost all enthusiasm in the good cause.  At such times they used to
say that they were `Bloody well fed up' with the whole business and
`Tired of tearing their bloody guts out for the benefit of other
people' and every now and then some of these fellows would `chuck up'
work, and go on the booze, sometimes stopping away for two or three
days or a week at a time.  And then, when it was all over, they came
back, very penitent, to ask for another `start', but they generally
found that their places had been filled.

If they happened to be good `sloggers' - men who made a practice of
`tearing their guts out' when they did work - they were usually
forgiven, and after being admonished by Misery, permitted to resume
work, with the understanding that if ever it occurred again they would
get the `infernal' - which means the final and irrevocable - sack.

There was once a job at a shop that had been a high-class restaurant
kept by a renowned Italian chef.  It had been known as

                    `MACARONI'S ROYAL ITALIAN CAFE'

Situated on the Grand Parade, it was a favourite resort of the
`Elite', who frequented it for afternoon tea and coffee and for little
suppers after the theatre.

It had plate-glass windows, resplendent with gilding, marble-topped
tables with snow white covers, vases of flowers, and all the other
appurtenances of glittering cut glass and silver.  The obsequious
waiters were in evening dress, the walls were covered with lofty
plate-glass mirrors in carved and gilded frames, and at certain hours
of the day and night an orchestra consisting of two violins and a harp
discoursed selections of classic music.

But of late years the business had not been paying, and finally the
proprietor went bankrupt and was sold out.  The place was shut up for
several months before the shop was let to a firm of dealers in fancy
articles, and the other part was transformed into flats.

Rushton had the contract for the work.  When the men went there to `do
it up' they found the interior of the house in a state of
indescribable filth: the ceilings discoloured with smoke and hung with
cobwebs, the wallpapers smeared and black with grease, the handrails
and the newel posts of the staircase were clammy with filth, and the
edges of the doors near the handles were blackened with greasy dirt
and finger-marks.  The tops of the skirtings, the mouldings of the
doors, the sashes of the windows and the corners of the floors were
thick with the accumulated dust of years.

In one of the upper rooms which had evidently been used as a nursery
or playroom for the children of the renowned chef, the wallpaper for
about two feet above the skirting was blackened with grease and
ornamented with childish drawings made with burnt sticks and blacklead
pencils, the door being covered with similar artistic efforts, to say
nothing of some rude attempts at carving, evidently executed with an
axe or a hammer.  But all this filth was nothing compared with the
unspeakable condition of the kitchen and scullery, a detailed
description of which would cause the blood of the reader to curdle,
and each particular hair of his head to stand on end.

Let it suffice to say that the walls, the ceiling, the floor, the
paintwork, the gas-stove, the kitchen range, the dresser and
everything else were uniformly absolutely and literally - black.  And
the black was composed of soot and grease.

In front of the window there was a fixture  a kind of bench or table,
deeply scored with marks of knives like a butcher's block.  The sill
of the window was about six inches lower than the top of the table, so
that between the glass of the lower sash of the window, which had
evidently never been raised, and the back of the table, there was a
long narrow cavity or trough, about six inches deep, four inches wide
and as long as the width of the window, the sill forming the bottom of
the cavity.

This trough was filled with all manner of abominations: fragments of
fat and decomposed meat, legs of rabbits and fowls, vegetable matter,
broken knives and forks, and hair: and the glass of the window was
caked with filth of the same description.

This job was the cause of the sacking of the Semi-drunk and another
man named Bill Bates, who were sent into the kitchen to clean it down
and prepare it for painting and distempering.

They commenced to do it, but it made them feel so ill that they went
out and had a pint each, and after that they made another start at it.
But it was not long before they felt that it was imperatively
necessary to have another drink.  So they went over to the pub, and
this time they had two pints each.  Bill paid for the first two and
then the Semi-drunk refused to return to work unless Bill would
consent to have another pint with him before going back.  When they
had drunk the two pints, they decided - in order to save themselves
the trouble and risk of coming away from the job - to take a couple of
quarts back with them in two bottles, which the landlord of the pub
lent them, charging twopence on each bottle, to be refunded when they
were returned.

When they got back to the job they found the `coddy' in the kitchen,
looking for them and he began to talk and grumble, but the Semi-drunk
soon shut him up: he told him he could either have a drink out of one
of the bottles or a punch in the bloody nose - whichever he liked!  Or
if he did not fancy either of these alternatives, he could go to hell!

As the `coddy' was a sensible man he took the beer and advised them to
pull themselves together and try to get some work done before Misery
came, which they promised to do.

When the `coddy' was gone they made another attempt at the work.
Misery came a little while afterwards and began shouting at them
because he said he could not see what they had done.  It looked as if
they had been asleep all the morning: Here it was nearly ten o'clock,
and as far as he could see, they had done Nothing!

When he was gone they drank the rest of the beer and then they began
to feel inclined to laugh.  What did they care for Hunter or Rushton
either?  To hell with both of 'em!  They left off scraping and
scrubbing, and began throwing buckets of water over the dresser and
the walls, laughing uproariously all the time.

`We'll show the b--s how to wash down paintwork!' shouted the
Semi-drunk, as he stood in the middle of the room and hurled a pailful
of water over the door of the cupboard.  `Bring us another bucket of
water, Bill.'

Bill was out in the scullery filling his pail under the tap, and
laughing so much that he could scarcely stand.  As soon as it was full
he passed it to the Semi-drunk, who threw it bodily, pail and all, on
to the bench in front of the window, smashing one of the panes of
glass.  The water poured off the table and all over the floor.

Bill brought the next pailful in and threw it at the kitchen door,
splitting one of the panels from top to bottom, and then they threw
about half a dozen more pailfuls over the dresser.

`We'll show the b--rs how to clean paintwork,' they shouted, as they
hurled the buckets at the walls and doors.

By this time the floor was deluged with water, which mingled with the
filth and formed a sea of mud.

They left the two taps running in the scullery and as the waste pipe
of the sink was choked up with dirt, the sink filled up and overflowed
like a miniature Niagara.

The water ran out under the doors into the back-yard, and along the
passage out to the front door.  But Bill Bates and the Semi-drunk
remained in the kitchen, smashing the pails at the walls and doors and
the dresser, and cursing and laughing hysterically.

They had just filled the two buckets and were bringing them into the
kitchen when they heard Hunter's voice in the passage, shouting out
inquiries as to where all that water came from.  Then they heard him
advancing towards them and they stood waiting for him with the pails
in their hands, and directly he opened the door and put his head into
the room they let fly the two pails at him.  Unfortunately, they were
too drunk and excited to aim straight.  One pail struck the middle
rail of the door and the other the wall by the side of it.

Misery hastily shut the door again and ran upstairs, and presently the
`coddy' came down and called out to them from the passage.

They went out to see what he wanted, and he told them that Misery had
gone to the office to get their wages ready: they were to make out
their time sheets and go for their money at once. Misery had said that
if they were not there in ten minutes he would have the pair of them
locked up.

The Semi-drunk said that nothing would suit them better than to have
all their pieces at once - they had spent all their money and wanted
another drink.  Bill Bates concurred, so they borrowed a piece of
blacklead pencil from the `coddy' and made out their time sheets, took
off their aprons, put them into their tool bags, and went to the
office for their money, which Misery passed out to them through the

The news of this exploit spread all over the town during that day and
evening, and although it was in July, the next morning at six o'clock
there were half a dozen men waiting at the yard to ask Misery if there
was `any chance of a job'.

Bill Bates and the Semi-drunk had had their spree and had got the sack
for it and most of the chaps said it served them right.  Such conduct
as that was going too far.

Most of them would have said the same thing no matter what the
circumstances might have been.  They had very little sympathy for each
other at any time.

Often, when, for instance, one man was sent away from one `job' to
another, the others would go into his room and look at the work he had
been doing, and pick out all the faults they could find and show them
to each other, making all sorts of ill-natured remarks about the
absent one meanwhile.  `Jist run yer nose over that door, Jim,' one
would say in a tone of disgust.  `Wotcher think of it?  Did yer ever
see sich a mess in yer life?  Calls hisself a painter!'  And the other
man would shake his head sadly and say that although the one who had
done it had never been up to much as a workman, he could do it a bit
better than that if he liked, but the fact was that he never gave
himself time to do anything properly: he was always tearing his bloody
guts out!  Why, he'd only been in this room about four hours from
start to finish!  He ought to have a watering cart to follow him
about, because he worked at such a hell of a rate you couldn't see him
for dust!  And then the first man would reply that other people could
do as they liked, but for his part, HE was not going to tear his guts
out for nobody!

The second man would applaud these sentiments and say that he wasn't
going to tear his out either: and then they would both go back to
their respective rooms and tear into the work for all they were worth,
making the same sort of `job' as the one they had been criticizing,
and afterwards, when the other's back was turned, each of them in turn
would sneak into the other's room and criticize it and point out the
faults to anyone else who happened to be near at hand.

Harlow was working at the place that had been Macaroni's Cafe when one
day a note was sent to him from Hunter at the shop.  It was written on
a scrap of wallpaper, and worded in the usual manner of such notes -
as if the writer had studied how to avoid all suspicion of being
unduly civil:

    Harlow go to the yard at once take your tools with you.
    Crass will tell you where you have to go.

They were just finishing their dinners when the boy brought this note;
and after reading it aloud for the benefit of the others, Harlow
remarked that it was worded in much the same way in which one would
speak to a dog.  The others said nothing; but after he was gone the
other men - who all considered that it was ridiculous for the `likes
of us' to expect or wish to be treated with common civility - laughed
about it, and said that Harlow was beginning to think he was Somebody:
they supposed it was through readin' all those books what Owen was
always lendin' 'im.  And then one of them got a piece of paper and
wrote a note to be given to Harlow at the first opportunity.  This
note was properly worded, written in a manner suitable for a gentleman
like him, neatly folded and addressed:

    Mr Harlow Esq.,
      c/o Macaroni's Royal Cafe
        till called for.

    Mister Harlow,
      Dear Sir: Wood you kinely oblige me bi cummin to the paint shop
    as soon as you can make it convenient as there is a sealin' to be
    wate-woshed hoppin this is not trubbling you to much

                                                  I remane
                                                  Yours respeckfully
                                                       Pontius Pilate.

This note was read out for the amusement of the company and afterwards
stored away in the writer's pocket till such a time as an opportunity
should occur of giving it to Harlow.

As the writer of the note was on his way back to his room to resume
work he was accosted by a man who had gone into Harlow's room to
criticize it, and had succeeded in finding several faults which he
pointed out to the other, and of course they were both very much
disgusted with Harlow.

`I can't think why the coddy keeps him on the job,' said the first
man.  `Between you and me, if I had charge of a job, and Misery sent
Harlow there - I'd send 'im back to the shop.'

`Same as you,' agreed the other as he went back to tear into his own
room.  `Same as you, old man: I shouldn't 'ave 'im neither.'

It must not be supposed from this that either of these two men were on
exceptionally bad terms with Harlow; they were just as good friends
with him - to his face - as they were with each other - to each
other's faces - and it was just their way: that was all.

If it had been one or both of these two who had gone away instead of
Harlow, just the same things would have been said about them by the
others who remained - it was merely their usual way of speaking about
each other behind each other's backs.

It was always the same: if any one of them made a mistake or had an
accident or got into any trouble he seldom or never got any sympathy
from his fellow workmen.  On the contrary, most of them at such times
seemed rather pleased than otherwise.

There was a poor devil - a stranger in the town; he came from London -
who got the sack for breaking some glass.  He had been sent to `burn
off' some old paint of the woodwork of a window.  He was not very
skilful in the use of the burning-off lamp, because on the firm when
he had been working in London it was a job that the ordinary hands
were seldom or never called upon to do.  There were one or two men who
did it all.  For that matter, not many of Rushton's men were very
skilful at it either.  It was a job everybody tried to get out of,
because nearly always the lamp went wrong and there was a row about
the time the work took.  So they worked this job on to the stranger.

This man had been out of work for a long time before he got a start at
Rushton's, and he was very anxious not to lose the job, because he had
a wife and family in London.  When the `coddy' told him to go and burn
off this window he did not like to say that he was not used to the
work: he hoped to be able to do it.  But he was very nervous, and the
end was that although he managed to do the burning off all right, just
as he was finishing he accidentally allowed the flame of the lamp to
come into contact with a large pane of glass and broke it.

They sent to the shop for a new pane of glass, and the man stayed late
that night and put it in in his own time, thus bearing half the cost
of repairing it.

Things were not very busy just then, and on the following Saturday two
of the hands were `stood off'.  The stranger was one of them, and
nearly everybody was very pleased.  At mealtimes the story of the
broken window was repeatedly told amid jeering laughter.  It really
seemed as if a certain amount of indignation was felt that a stranger -
especially such an inferior person as this chap who did not know how
to use a lamp - should have had the cheek to try to earn his living at
all!  One thing was very certain - they said, gleefully - he would
never get another job at Rushton's: that was one good thing.

And yet they all knew that this accident might have happened to any
one of them.

Once a couple of men got the sack because a ceiling they distempered
had to be washed off and done again.  It was not really the men's
fault at all: it was a ceiling that needed special treatment and they
had not been allowed to do it properly.

But all the same, when they got the sack most of the others laughed
and sneered and were glad.  Perhaps because they thought that the fact
that these two unfortunates had been disgraced, increased their own
chances of being `kept on'.  And so it was with nearly everything.
With a few exceptions, they had an immense amount of respect for
Rushton and Hunter, and very little respect or sympathy for each

Exactly the same lack of feeling for each other prevailed amongst the
members of all the different trades.  Everybody seemed glad if anybody
got into trouble for any reason whatever.

There was a garden gate that had been made at the carpenter's shop:
it was not very well put together, and for the usual reason; the man
had not been allowed the time to do it properly.  After it was fixed,
one of his shopmates wrote upon it with lead pencil in big letters:
`This is good work for a joiner.  Order one ton of putty.'

But to hear them talking in the pub of a Saturday afternoon just after
pay-time one would think them the best friends and mates and the most
independent spirits in the world, fellows whom it would be very
dangerous to trifle with, and who would stick up for each other
through thick and thin.  All sorts of stories were related of the
wonderful things they had done and said; of jobs they had `chucked
up', and masters they had `told off': of pails of whitewash thrown
over offending employers, and of horrible assaults and batteries
committed upon the same.  But strange to say, for some reason or
other, it seldom happened that a third party ever witnessed any of
these prodigies.  It seemed as if a chivalrous desire to spare the
feelings of their victims had always prevented them from doing or
saying anything to them in the presence of witnesses.

When he had drunk a few pints, Crass was a very good hand at these
stories.  Here is one that he told in the bar of the Cricketers on the
Saturday afternoon of the same week that Bill Bates and the Semi-drunk
got the sack.  The Cricketers was only a few minutes walk from the
shop and at pay-time a number of the men used to go in there to take a
drink before going home.

`Last Thursday night about five o'clock, 'Unter comes inter the
paint-shop an' ses to me, "I wants a pail o' wash made up tonight,
Crass," 'e ses, "ready for fust thing in the mornin'," 'e ses.  "Oh," I
ses, lookin' 'im straight in the bloody eye, "Oh, yer do, do yer?" -
just like that.  "Yes," 'e ses.  "Well, you can bloody well make it
yerself!" I ses, "'cos I ain't agoin' to," I ses - just like that.
"Wot the 'ell do yer mean," I ses, "by comin' 'ere at this time o'
night with a order like that?" I ses.  You'd a larfed,' continued
Crass, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand after taking
another drink out of his glass, and looking round to note the effect
of the story, `you'd a larfed if you'd bin there.  'E was fairly
flabbergasted!  And wen I said that to 'im I see 'is jaw drop!  An'
then 'e started apoligizing and said as 'e 'adn't meant no offence,
but I told 'im bloody straight not to come no more of it.  "You bring
the horder at a reasonable time," I ses - just like that - "and I'll
attend to it," I ses, "but not otherwise," I ses.'

As he concluded this story, Crass drained his glass and gazed round
upon the audience, who were full of admiration.  They looked at each
other and at Crass and nodded their heads approvingly.  Yes,
undoubtedly, that was the proper way to deal with such bounders as
Nimrod; take up a strong attitude, an' let 'em see as you'll stand no

`Yer don't blame me, do yer?' continued Crass.  `Why should we put up
with a lot of old buck from the likes of 'im!  We're not a lot of
bloody Chinamen, are we?'

So far from blaming him, they all assured him that they would have
acted in precisely the same way under similar circumstances.

`For my part, I'm a bloke like this,' said a tall man with a very loud
voice - a chap who nearly fell down dead every time Rushton or Misery
looked at him.  `I'm a bloke like this 'ere: I never stands no cheek
from no gaffers!  If a guv'nor ses two bloody words to me, I downs me
tools and I ses to 'im, "Wot!  Don't I suit yer, guv'ner?  Ain't I
done enuff for yer?  Werry good!  Gimmie me bleedin' a'pence."'

`Quite right too,' said everybody.  That was the way to serve 'em.  If
only everyone would do the same as the tall man - who had just paid
for another round of drinks - things would be a lot more comfortable
than they was.

`Last summer I was workin' for ole Buncer,' said a little man with a
cutaway coat several sizes too large for him.  `I was workin' for ole
Buncer, over at Windley, an' you all knows as 'e don't arf lower it.
Well, one day, when I knowed 'e was on the drunk, I 'ad to first coat
a room out - white; so thinks I to meself, "If I buck up I shall be
able to get this lot done by about four o'clock, an' then I can clear
orf 'ome.  'Cos I reckoned as 'e'd be about flattened out by that
time, an' you know 'e ain't got no foreman.  So I tears into it an'
gets this 'ere room done about a quarter past four, an' I'd just got
me things put away for the night w'en 'oo should come fallin' up the
bloody stairs but ole Buncer, drunk as a howl!  An' no sooner 'e gits
inter the room than 'e starts yappin' an' rampin'.  "Is this 'ere hall
you've done?" 'e shouts out.  "Wotcher bin up to hall day?" 'e ses,
an' 'e keeps on shouting' an' swearin' till at last I couldn't stand
it no longer, 'cos you can guess I wasn't in a very good temper with
'im comin' along jist then w'en I thought I was goin' to get orf a bit
early - so w'en 'e kept on shoutin' I never made no answer to 'im, but
ups with me fist an' I gives 'im a slosh in the dial an' stopped 'is
clock!  Then I chucked the pot o' w'ite paint hover 'im, an' kicked
'im down the bloody stairs.'

`Serve 'im blooming well right, too,' said Crass as he took a fresh
glass of beer from one of the others, who had just `stood' another

`What did the b--r say to that?' inquired the tall man.

`Not a bloody word!' replied the little man, `'E picked 'isself up,
and called a keb wot was passin' an' got inter it an' went 'ome; an' I
never seen no more of 'im until about 'arf-past eleven the next day,
w'en I was second-coatin' the room, an' 'e comes up with a noo suit
o' clothes on, an' arsts me if I'd like to come hover to the pub an'
'ave a drink?  So we goes hover, an' 'e calls for a w'iskey an' soda
for isself an' arsts me wot I'd 'ave, so I 'ad the same.  An' w'ile we
was gettin' it down us, 'e ses to me, "Ah, Garge," 'e ses.  "You losed
your temper with me yesterday,"' 'e ses.'

`There you are, you see!' said the tall man.  `There's an example for
yer!  If you 'adn't served 'im as you did you'd most likely 'ave 'ad
to put up with a lot more ole buck.'

They all agreed that the little man had done quite right: they all
said that they didn' blame him in the least: they would all have done
the same: in fact, this was the way they all conducted themselves
whenever occasion demanded it.  To hear them talk, one would imagine
that such affairs as the recent exploit of Bill Bates and the
Semi-drunk were constantly taking place, instead of only occurring
about once in a blue moon.

Crass stood the final round of drinks, and as he evidently thought
that circumstance deserved to be signalized in some special manner, he
proposed the following toast, which was drunk with enthusiasm:

        `To hell with the man,
        May he never grow fat,
        What carries two faces,
        Under one 'at.'

Rushton & Co. did a lot of work that summer.  They did not have many
big jobs, but there were a lot of little ones, and the boy Bert was
kept busy running from one to the other.  He spent most of his time
dragging a handcart with loads of paint, or planks and steps, and
seldom went out to work with the men, for when he was not taking
things out to the various places where the philanthropists were
working, he was in the paintshop at the yard, scraping out dirty
paint-pots or helping Crass to mix up colours.  Although scarcely
anyone seemed to notice it, the boy presented a truly pitiable
spectacle.  He was very pale and thin.  Dragging the handcart did not
help him to put on flesh, for the weather was very hot and the work
made him sweat.

His home was right away on the other side of Windley.  It took him
more than three-quarters of an hour to walk to the shop, and as he had
to be at work at six, that meant that he had to leave home at a few
minutes past five every morning, so that he always got up about half
past four.

He was wearing a man's coat - or rather jacket - which gave the upper
part of his body a bulky appearance.  The trousers were part of a suit
of his own, and were somewhat narrowly cut, as is the rule with boys'
cheap ready-made trousers.  These thin legs appearing under the big
jacket gave him a rather grotesque appearance, which was heightened by
the fact that all his clothes, cap, coat, waistcoat, trousers and
boots, were smothered with paint and distemper of various colours, and
there were generally a few streaks of paint of some sort or other upon
his face, and of course his hands - especially round the fingernails -
were grimed with it.  But the worst of all were the dreadful hobnailed
boots: the leather of the uppers of these was an eighth of an inch
thick, and very stiff.  Across the fore part of the boot this hard
leather had warped into ridges and valleys, which chafed his feet, and
made them bleed.  The soles were five-eighths of an inch thick,
covered with hobnails, and were as hard and inflexible and almost as
heavy as iron.  These boots hurt his feet dreadfully and made him feel
very tired and miserable, for he had such a lot of walking to do. He
used to be jolly glad when dinner-time came, for then he used to get
out of sight in some quiet spot and lie down for the whole hour.  His
favourite dining-place was up in the loft over the carpenter's shop,
where they stored the mouldings and architraves.  No one ever came
there at that hour, and after he had eaten his dinner he used to lie
down and think and rest.

He nearly always had an hour for dinner, but he did not always have it
at the same time: sometimes he had it at twelve o'clock and sometimes
not till two.  It all depended upon what stuff had to be taken to the

Often it happened that some men at a distant job required some
material to use immediately after dinner, and perhaps Crass was not
able to get it ready till twelve o'clock, so that it was not possible
to take it before dinner-time, and if Bert left it till after dinner
the men would be wasting their time waiting for it: so in such cases
he took it there first and had his dinner when he came back.

Sometimes he got back about half past twelve, and it was necessary for
him to take out another lot of material at one o'clock.

In such a case he `charged' half an hour overtime on his time sheet -
he used to get twopence an hour for overtime.

Sometimes Crass sent him with a handcart to one job to get a pair of
steps or tressels, or a plank, or some material or other, and take
them to another job, and on these occasions it was often very late
before he was able to take his meals.  Instead of getting his
breakfast at eight, it was often nearly nine before he got back to the
shop, and frequently he had to go without dinner until half past one
or two.

Sometimes he could scarcely manage to carry the pots of paint to the
jobs; his feet were so hot and sore.  When he had to push the cart it
was worse still, and often when knocking-off time came he felt so
tired that he could scarcely manage to walk home.

But the weather was not always hot or fine: sometimes it was quite
cold, almost like winter, and there was a lot of rain that summer.  At
such times the boy frequently got wet through several times a day as
he went from one job to another, and he had to work all the time in
his wet clothes and boots, which were usually old and out of repair
and let in the water.

One of the worst jobs that he had to do was when a new stock of white
lead came in.  This stuff came in wooden barrels containing two
hundredweight, and he used to have to dig it out of these barrels with
a trowel, and put it into a metal tank, where it was kept covered with
water, and the empty barrels were returned to the makers.

When he was doing this work he usually managed to get himself smeared
all over with the white lead, and this circumstance, and the fact that
he was always handling paint or some poisonous material or other was
doubtless the cause of the terrible pains he often had in his stomach -
pains that sometimes caused him to throw himself down and roll on the
ground in agony.

One afternoon Crass sent him with a handcart to a job that Easton,
Philpot, Harlow and Owen were just finishing.  He got there about half
past four and helped the men to load up the things, and afterwards
walked alongside the cart with them back to the shop.

On the way they all noticed and remarked to each other that the boy
looked tired and pale and that he seemed to limp: but he did not say
anything, although be guessed that they were talking about him.  They
arrived at the shop a little before knocking-off time - about ten
minutes past five.  Bert helped them to unload, and afterwards, while
they were putting their things away and `charging up' the unused
materials they had brought back, he pushed the cart over to the shed
where it was kept, on the other side of the yard.  He did not return
to the shop at once and a few minutes later when Harlow came out into
the yard to get a bucket of water to wash their hands with, he saw the
boy leaning on the side of the cart, crying, and holding one foot off
the ground.

Harlow asked him what was the matter, and while he was speaking to him
the others came out to see what was up: the boy said he had rheumatism
or growing pains or something in his leg, `just here near the knee'.
But he didn't say much, he just cried miserably, and turned his head
slowly from side to side, avoiding the looks of the men because he
felt ashamed that they should see him cry.

When they saw how ill and miserable he looked, the men all put their
hands in their pockets to get some coppers to give to him so that he
could ride home on the tram.  They gave him fivepence altogether, more
than enough to ride all the way; and Crass told him to go at once -
there was no need to wait till half past; but before he went Philpot
got a small glass bottle out of his tool bag and filled it with oil
and turps - two of turps and one of oil - which he gave to Bert to rub
into his leg before going to bed: The turps - he explained - was to
cure the pain and the oil was to prevent it from hurting the skin.  He
was to get his mother to rub it in for him if he were too tired to do
it himself.  Bert promised to observe these directions, and, drying
his tears, took his dinner basket and limped off to catch the tram.

It was a few days after this that Hunter met with an accident.  He
was tearing off on his bicycle to one of the jobs about five minutes
to twelve to see if he could catch anyone leaving off for dinner
before before the proper time, and while going down a rather steep
hill the front brake broke - the rubbers of the rear one were worn out
and failed to act - so Misery to save himself from being smashed
against the railings of the houses at the bottom of the hill, threw
himself off the machine, with the result that his head and face and
hands were terribly cut and bruised.  He was so badly knocked about
that he had to remain at home for nearly three weeks, much to the
delight of the men and the annoyance - one might even say the
indignation - of Mr Rushton, who did not know enough about the work to
make out estimates without assistance.  There were several large jobs
to be tendered for at the same time, so Rushton sent the
specifications round to Hunter's house for him to figure out the
prices, and nearly all the time that Misery was at home he was sitting
up in bed, swathed in bandages, trying to calculate the probable cost
of these jobs.  Rushton did not come to see him, but he sent Bert
nearly every day, either with some specifications, or some accounts,
or something of that sort, or with a note inquiring when Hunter
thought he would be able to return to work.

All sorts of rumours became prevalent amongst the men concerning
Hunter's condition.  He had `broken his spiral column', he had
`conjunction of the brain', or he had injured his `innards' and would
probably never be able to `do no more slave-drivin''.  Crass - who had
helped Mr Rushton to `price up' several small jobs - began to think it
might not be altogether a bad thing for himself if something were to
happen to Hunter, and he began to put on side and to assume airs of
authority.  He got one of the light-weights to assist him in his work
of colourman and made him do all the hard work, while he spent part of
his own time visiting the different jobs to see how the work

Crass's appearance did him justice.  He was wearing a pair of sporting
trousers the pattern of which consisted of large black and white
squares.  The previous owner of these trousers was taller and slighter
than Crass, so although the legs were about a couple of inches too
long, they fitted him rather tightly, so much so that it was fortunate
that he had his present job of colourman, for if he had had to do any
climbing up and down ladders or steps, the trousers would have burst.
His jacket was also two or three sizes too small, and the sleeves were
so short that the cuffs of his flanelette shirt were visible.  This
coat was made of serge, and its colour had presumably once been blue,
but it was now a sort of heliotrope and violet: the greater part being
of the former tint, and the parts under the sleeves of the latter.
This jacket fitted very tightly across the shoulders and back and
being much too short left his tightly clad posteriors exposed to view.

He however seemed quite unconscious of anything peculiar in his
appearance and was so bumptious and offensive that most of the men
were almost glad when Nimrod came back.  They said that if Crass ever
got the job he would be a dam' sight worse than Hunter.  As for the
latter, for a little while after his return to work it was said that
his illness had improved his character: he had had time to think
things over; and in short, he was ever so much better than before: but
it was not long before this story began to be told the other way
round.  He was worse than ever! and a thing that happened about a
fortnight after his return caused more ill feeling and resentment
against him and Rushton than had ever existed previously.  What led up
to it was something that was done by Bundy's mate, Ted Dawson.

This poor wretch was scarcely ever seen without a load of some sort or
other: carrying a sack of cement or plaster, a heavy ladder, a big
bucket of mortar, or dragging a load of scaffolding on a cart.  He
must have been nearly as strong as a horse, because after working in
this manner for Rushton & Co. from six in the morning till half past
five at night, he usually went to work in his garden for two or three
hours after tea, and frequently went there for an hour or so in the
morning before going to work.  The poor devil needed the produce of
his garden to supplement his wages, for he had a wife and three
children to provide for and he earned only - or rather, to be correct,
he was paid only - fourpence an hour.

There was an old house to which they were making some alterations and
repairs, and there was a lot of old wood taken out of it: old, decayed
floorboards and stuff of that kind, wood that was of no use whatever
except to burn.

Bundy and his mate were working there, and one night, Misery came a
few minutes before half past five and caught Dawson in the act of
tying up a small bundle of this wood.  When Hunter asked him what he
was going to do with it he made no attempt at prevarication or
concealment: he said he was going to take it home for fire-wood,
because it was of no other use.  Misery kicked up a devil of a row and
ordered him to leave the wood where it was: it had to be taken to the
yard, and it was nothing to do with Dawson or anyone else whether it
was any use or not!  If he caught anyone taking wood away he would
sack them on the spot.  Hunter shouted very loud so that all the
others might hear, and as they were all listening attentively in the
next room, where they were taking their aprons off preparatory to
going home, they got the full benefit of his remarks.

The following Saturday when the hands went to the office for their
money they were each presented with a printed card bearing the
following legend:

    Under no circumstances is any article or material, however
    trifling, to be taken away by workmen for their private use,
    whether waste material or not, from any workshop or place where
    work is being done.  Foremen are hereby instructed to see that
    this order is obeyed and to report any such act coming to their
    knowledge.  Any man breaking this rule will be either dismissed
    without notice or given into custody.
                                                         Rushton & Co.

Most of the men took these cards with the envelopes containing their
wages and walked away without making any comment - in fact, most of
them were some distance away before they realized exactly what the
card was about.  Two or three of them stood a few steps away from the
pay window in full view of Rushton and Misery and ostentatiously tore
the thing into pieces and threw them into the street.  One man
remained at the pay window while he read the card - and then flung it
with an obscene curse into Rushton's face, and demanded his back day,
which they gave him without any remark or delay, the other men who
were not yet paid having to wait while he made out his time-sheet for
that morning.

The story of this card spread all over the place in a very short time.
It became the talk of every shop in the town.  Whenever any of
Rushton's men encountered the employees of another firm, the latter
used to shout after them - `However trifling!' - or `Look out, chaps!
'Ere comes some of Rushton's pickpockets.'

Amongst Rushton's men themselves it became a standing joke or form of
greeting to say when one met another - `Remember!  However trifling!'

If one of their number was seen going home with an unusual amount of
paint or whitewash on his hands or clothes, the others would threaten
to report him for stealing the material.  They used to say that
however trifling the quantity, it was against orders to take it away.

Harlow drew up a list of rules which he said Mr Rushton had instructed
him to communicate to the men.  One of these rules provided that
everybody was to be weighed upon arrival at the job in the morning and
again at leaving-off time: any man found to have increased in weight
was to be discharged.

There was also much cursing and covert resentment about it; the men
used to say that such a thing as that looked well coming from the
likes of Rushton and Hunter, and they used to remind each other of the
affair of the marble-topped console table, the barometer, the venetian
blinds and all the other robberies.

None of them ever said anything to either Misery or Rushton about the
cards, but one morning when the latter was reading his letters at the
breakfast table, on opening one of them he found that it contained one
of the notices, smeared with human excrement.  He did not eat any more
breakfast that morning.

It was not to be much wondered at that none of them had the courage to
openly resent the conditions under which they had to work, for
although it was summer, there were many men out of employment, and it
was much easier to get the sack than it was to get another job.

None of the men were ever caught stealing anything, however trifling,
but all the same during the course of the summer five or six of them
were captured by the police and sent to jail - for not being able to
pay their poor rates.

All through the summer Owen continued to make himself objectionable
and to incur the ridicule of his fellow workmen by talking about the
causes of poverty and of ways to abolish it.

Most of the men kept two shillings or half a crown of their wages back
from their wives for pocket money, which they spent on beer and
tobacco.  There were a very few who spent a little more than this, and
there were a still smaller number who spent so much in this way that
their families had to suffer in consequence.

Most of those who kept back half a crown or three shillings from their
wives did so on the understanding that they were to buy their clothing
out of it.  Some of them had to pay a shilling a week to a tallyman or
credit clothier.  These were the ones who indulged in shoddy new suits -
at long intervals.  Others bought - or got their wives to buy for them -
their clothes at second-hand shops, `paying off' about a shilling or
so a week and not receiving the things till they were paid for.

There were a very large proportion of them who did not spend even a
shilling a week for drink: and there were numerous others who, while
not being formally total abstainers, yet often went for weeks together
without either entering a public house or tasting intoxicating drink
in any form.

Then there were others who, instead of drinking tea or coffee or cocoa
with their dinners or suppers, drank beer.  This did not cost more
than the teetotal drinks, but all the same there are some persons who
say that those who swell the `Nation's Drink Bill' by drinking beer
with their dinners or suppers are a kind of criminal, and that they
ought to be compelled to drink something else: that is, if they are
working people.  As for the idle classes, they of course are to be
allowed to continue to make merry, `drinking whisky, wine and sherry',
to say nothing of having their beer in by the barrel and the dozen -
or forty dozen - bottles.  But of course that's a different matter,
because these people make so much money out of the labour of the
working classes that they can afford to indulge in this way without
depriving their children of the necessaries of life.

There is no more cowardly, dastardly slander than is contained in the
assertion that the majority or any considerable proportion of working
men neglect their families through drink.  It is a condemned lie.
There are some who do, but they are not even a large minority.  They
are few and far between, and are regarded with contempt by their
fellow workmen.

It will be said that their families had to suffer for want of even the
little that most of them spent in that way: but the persons that use
this argument should carry it to its logical conclusion.  Tea is an
unnecessary and harmful drink; it has been condemned by medical men so
often that to enumerate its evil qualities here would be waste of
time.  The same can be said of nearly all the cheap temperance drinks;
they are unnecessary and harmful and cost money, and, like beer, are
drunk only for pleasure.

What right has anyone to say to working men that when their work is
done they should not find pleasure in drinking a glass or two of beer
together in a tavern or anywhere else?  Let those who would presume to
condemn them carry their argument to its logical conclusion and
condemn pleasure of every kind.  Let them persuade the working classes
to lead still simpler lives; to drink water instead of such
unwholesome things as tea, coffee, beer, lemonade and all the other
harmful and unnecessary stuff.  They would then be able to live ever
so much more cheaply, and as wages are always and everywhere regulated
by the cost of living, they would be able to work for lower pay.

These people are fond of quoting the figures of the `Nation's Drink
Bill,' as if all this money were spent by the working classes!  But if
the amount of money spent in drink by the `aristocracy', the clergy
and the middle classes were deducted from the `Nation's Drink Bill',
it would be seen that the amount spent per head by the working classes
is not so alarming after all; and would probably not be much larger
than the amount spent on drink by those who consume tea and coffee and
all the other unwholesome and unnecessary `temperance' drinks.

The fact that some of Rushton's men spent about two shillings a week
on drink while they were in employment was not the cause of their
poverty.  If they had never spent a farthing for drink, and if their
wretched wages had been increased fifty percent, they would still have
been in a condition of the most abject and miserable poverty, for
nearly all the benefits and privileges of civilization, nearly
everything that makes life worth living, would still have been beyond
their reach.

It is inevitable, so long as men have to live and work under such
heartbreaking, uninteresting conditions as at present that a certain
proportion of them will seek forgetfulness and momentary happiness in
the tavern, and the only remedy for this evil is to remove the cause;
and while that is in process, there is something else that can be done
and that is, instead of allowing filthy drinking dens, presided over
by persons whose interest it is to encourage men to drink more bad
beer than is good for them or than they can afford, - to have
civilized institutions run by the State or the municipalities for use
and not merely for profit.  Decent pleasure houses, where no
drunkenness or filthiness would be tolerated - where one could buy
real beer or coffee or tea or any other refreshments; where men could
repair when their day's work was over and spend an hour or two in
rational intercourse with their fellows or listen to music and
singing.  Taverns to which they could take their wives and children
without fear of defilement, for a place that is not fit for the
presence of a woman or a child is not fit to exist at all.

Owen, being a teetotaller, did not spend any of his money on drink;
but he spent a lot on what he called `The Cause'.  Every week he
bought some penny or twopenny pamphlets or some leaflets about
Socialism, which he lent or gave to his mates; and in this way and by
means of much talk he succeeded in converting a few to his party.
Philpot, Harlow and a few others used to listen with interest, and
some of them even paid for the pamphlets they obtained from Owen, and
after reading them themselves, passed them on to others, and also
occasionally `got up' arguments on their own accounts.  Others were
simply indifferent, or treated the subject as a kind of joke,
ridiculing the suggestion that it was possible to abolish poverty.
They repeated that there had `always been rich and poor in the world
and there always would be, so there was an end of it'.  But the
majority were bitterly hostile; not to Owen, but to Socialism.  For
the man himself most of them had a certain amount of liking,
especially the ordinary hands because it was known that he was not a
`master's man' and that he had declined to `take charge' of jobs which
Misery had offered to him.  But to Socialism they were savagely and
malignantly opposed.  Some of those who had shown some symptoms of
Socialism during the past winter when they were starving had now quite
recovered and were stout defenders of the Present System.

Barrington was still working for the firm and continued to maintain
his manner of reserve, seldom speaking unless addressed but all the
same, for several reasons, it began to be rumoured that he shared
Owen's views.  He always paid for the pamphlets that Owen gave him,
and on one occasion, when Owen bought a thousand leaflets to give
away, Barrington contributed a shilling towards the half-crown that
Owen paid for them.  But he never took any part in the arguments that
sometimes raged during the dinner-hour or at breakfast-time.

It was a good thing for Owen that he had his enthusiasm for `the
cause' to occupy his mind.  Socialism was to him what drink was to
some of the others - the thing that enable them to forget and tolerate
the conditions under which they were forced to exist.  Some of them
were so muddled with beer, and others so besotted with admiration of
their Liberal and Tory masters, that they were oblivious of the misery
of their own lives, and in a similar way, Owen was so much occupied in
trying to rouse them from their lethargy and so engrossed in trying to
think out new arguments to convince them of the possibility of
bringing about an improvement in their condition that he had no time
to dwell upon his own poverty; the money that he spent on leaflets and
pamphlets to give away might have been better spent on food and
clothing for himself, because most of those to whom he gave them were
by no means grateful; but he never thought of that; and after all,
nearly everyone spends money on some hobby or other.  Some people deny
themselves the necessaries or comforts of life in order that they may
be able to help to fatten a publican.  Others deny themselves in order
to enable a lazy parson to live in idleness and luxury; and others
spend much time and money that they really need for themselves in
buying Socialist literature to give away to people who don't want to
know about Socialism.

One Sunday morning towards the end of July, a band of about
twenty-five men and women on bicycles invaded the town.  Two of them -
who rode a few yards in front of the others, had affixed to the
handlebars of each of their machines a slender, upright standard from
the top of one of which fluttered a small flag of crimson silk with
`International Brotherhood and Peace' in gold letters.  The other
standard was similar in size and colour, but with a different legend:
`One for all and All for one.'

As they rode along they gave leaflets to the people in the streets,
and whenever they came to a place where there were many people they
dismounted and walked about, giving their leaflets to whoever would
accept them.  They made several long halts during their progress along
the Grand Parade, where there was a considerable crowd, and then they
rode over the hill to Windley, which they reached a little before
opening time.  There were little crowds waiting outside the several
public houses and a number of people passing through the streets on
their way home from Church and Chapel.  The strangers distributed
leaflets to all those who would take them, and they went through a lot
of the side streets, putting leaflets under the doors and in the
letter-boxes.  When they had exhausted their stock they remounted and
rode back the way they came.

Meantime the news of their arrival had spread, and as they returned
through the town they were greeted with jeers and booing.  Presently
someone threw a stone, and as there happened to be plenty of stones
just there several others followed suit and began running after the
retreating cyclists, throwing stones, hooting and cursing.

The leaflet which had given rise to all this fury read as follows:

                            WHAT IS SOCIALISM?

    At present the workers, with hand and brain produce continually
    food, clothing and all useful and beautiful things in great

    BUT THEY LABOUR IN VAIN - for they are mostly poor and often in
    want.  They find it a hard struggle to live.  Their women and
    children suffer, and their old age is branded with pauperism.

    Socialism is a plan by which poverty will be abolished, and
    everyone enabled to live in plenty and comfort, with leisure and
    opportunity for ampler life.

    If you wish to hear more of this plan, come to the field at the
    Cross Roads on the hill at Windley, on Tuesday evening next at 8
    P.M. and

                      LOOK OUT FOR THE SOCIALIST VAN

The cyclists rode away amid showers of stones without sustaining much
damage.  One had his hand cut and another, who happened to look round,
was struck on the forehead, but these were the only casualties.

On the following Tuesday evening, long before the appointed time,
there was a large crowd assembled at the cross roads or the hill at
Windley, waiting for the appearance of the van, and they were
evidently prepared to give the Socialists a warm reception.  There was
only one policeman in uniform there but there were several in plain
clothes amongst the crowd.

Crass, Dick Wantley, the Semi-drunk, Sawkins, Bill Bates and several
other frequenters of the Cricketers were amongst the crowd, and there
were also a sprinkling of tradespeople, including the Old Dear and Mr
Smallman, the grocer, and a few ladies and gentlemen - wealthy
visitors - but the bulk of the crowd were working men, labourers,
mechanics and boys.

As it was quite evident that the crowd meant mischief - many of them
had their pockets filled with stones and were armed with sticks -
several of the Socialists were in favour of going to meet the van to
endeavour to persuade those in charge from coming, and with that
object they withdrew from the crowd, which was already regarding them
with menacing looks, and went down the road in the direction from
which the van was expected to come.  They had not gone very far,
however, before the people, divining what they were going to do, began
to follow them and while they were hesitating what course to pursue,
the Socialist van, escorted by five or six men on bicycles, appeared
round the corner at the bottom of the hill.

As soon as the crowd saw it, they gave an exultant cheer, or, rather,
yell, and began running down the hilt to meet it, and in a few minutes
it was surrounded by a howling mob.  The van was drawn by two horses;
there was a door and a small platform at the back and over this was a
sign with white letters on a red ground: `Socialism, the only hope of
the Workers.'

The driver pulled up, and another man on the platform at the rear
attempted to address the crowd, but his voice was inaudible in the din
of howls, catcalls, hooting and obscene curses.  After about an hour
of this, as the crowd began pushing against the van and trying to
overturn it, the terrified horses commenced to get restive and
uncontrollable, and the man on the box attempted to drive up the hill.
This seemed to still further infuriate the horde of savages who
surrounded the van.  Numbers of them clutched the wheels and turned
them the reverse way, screaming that it must go back to where it came
from; several of them accordingly seized the horses' heads and, amid
cheers, turned them round.

The man on the platform was still trying to make himself heard, but
without success.  The strangers who had come with the van and the
little group of local Socialists, who had forced their way through the
crowd and gathered together close to the platform in front of the
would-be speaker, only increased the din by their shouts of appeal to
the crowd to `give the man a fair chance'.  This little bodyguard
closed round the van as it began to move slowly downhill, but they
were not sufficiently numerous to protect it from the crowd, which,
not being satisfied with the rate at which the van was proceeding,
began to shout to each other to `Run it away!' `Take the brake off!'
and several savage rushes were made with the intention of putting
these suggestions into execution.

Some of the defenders were hampered with their bicycles, but they
resisted as well as they were able, and succeeded in keeping the crowd
off until the foot of the hill was reached, and then someone threw the
first stone, which by a strange chance happened to strike one of the
cyclists whose head was already bandaged - it was the same man who had
been hit on the Sunday.  This stone was soon followed by others, and
the man on the platform was the next to be struck.  He got it right on
the mouth, and as he put up his handkerchief to staunch the blood
another struck him on the forehead just above the temple, and he
dropped forward on his face on to the platform as if he had been shot.

As the speed of the vehicle increased, a regular hail of stones fell
upon the roof and against the sides of the van and whizzed past the
retreating cyclists, while the crowd followed close behind, cheering,
shrieking out volleys of obscene curses, and howling like wolves.

`We'll give the b--rs Socialism!' shouted Crass, who was literally
foaming at the mouth.

`We'll teach 'em to come 'ere trying to undermined our bloody
morality,' howled Dick Wantley as he hurled a lump of granite that he
had torn up from the macadamized road at one of the cyclists.

They ran on after the van until it was out of range, and then they
bethought themselves of the local Socialists; but they were nowhere to
be seen; they had prudently withdrawn as soon as the van had got
fairly under way, and the victory being complete, the upholders of the
present system returned to the piece of waste ground on the top of the
hill, where a gentleman in a silk hat and frockcoat stood up on a
little hillock and made a speech.  He said nothing about the Distress
Committee or the Soup Kitchen or the children who went to school
without proper clothes or food, and made no reference to what was to
be done next winter, when nearly everybody would be out of work.
These were matters he and they were evidently not at all interested
in.  But he said a good deal about the Glorious Empire! and the Flag!
and the Royal Family.  The things he said were received with rapturous
applause, and at the conclusion of his address, the crowd sang the
National Anthem with great enthusiasm and dispersed, congratulating
themselves that they had shown to the best of their ability what
Mugsborough thought of Socialism and the general opinion of the crowd
was that they would hear nothing more from the Socialist van.

But in this they were mistaken, for the very next Sunday evening a
crowd of Socialists suddenly materialized at the Cross Roads.  Some of
them had come by train, others had walked from different places and
some had cycled.

A crowd gathered and the Socialists held a meeting, two speeches being
delivered before the crowd recovered from their surprise at the
temerity of these other Britishers who apparently had not sense enough
to understand that they had been finally defeated and obliterated last
Tuesday evening: and when the cyclist with the bandaged head got up on
the hillock some of the crowd actually joined in the hand-clapping
with which the Socialists greeted him.

In the course of his speech he informed them that the man who had come
with the van and who had been felled whilst attempting to speak from
the platform was now in hospital.  For some time it had been probable
that he would not recover, but he was now out of danger, and as soon
as he was well enough there was no doubt that he would come there

Upon this Crass shouted out that if ever the Vanners did return, they
would finish what they had begun last Tuesday.  He would not get off
so easy next time.  But when he said this, Crass - not being able to
see into the future - did not know what the reader will learn in due
time, that the man was to return to that place under different

When they had finished their speech-making one of the strangers who
was acting as chairman invited the audience to put questions, but as
nobody wanted to ask any, he invited anyone who disagreed with what
had been said to get up on the hillock and state his objections, so
that the audience might have an opportunity of judging for themselves
which side was right; but this invitation was also neglected.  Then
the chairman announced that they were coming there again next Sunday
at the same time, when a comrade would speak on `Unemployment and
Poverty, the Cause and the Remedy', and then the strangers sang a song
called `England Arise', the first verse being:

        England Arise, the long, long night is over,
        Faint in the east, behold the Dawn appear
        Out of your evil dream of toil and sorrow
        Arise, O England! for the day is here!

During the progress of the meeting several of the strangers had been
going out amongst the crowd giving away leaflets, which many of the
people gloomily refused to accept, and selling penny pamphlets, of
which they managed to dispose of about three dozen.

Before declaring the meeting closed, the chairman said that the
speaker who was coming next week resided in London: he was not a
millionaire, but a workman, the same as nearly all those who were
there present.  They were not going to pay him anything for coming,
but they intended to pay his railway fare.  Therefore next Sunday
after the meeting there would be a collection, and anything over the
amount of the fare would be used for the purchase of more leaflets
such as those they were now giving away.  He hoped that anyone who
thought that any of the money went into the pockets of those who held
the meeting would come and join: then they could have their share.

The meeting now terminated and the Socialists were suffered to depart
in peace.  Some of them, however, lingered amongst the crowd after the
main body had departed, and for a long time after the meeting was over
little groups remained on the field excitedly discussing the speeches
or the leaflets.

The next Sunday evening when the Socialists came they found the field
at the Cross Roads in the possession of a furious, hostile mob, who
refused to allow them to speak, and finally they had to go away
without having held a meeting.  They came again the next Sunday, and
on this occasion they had a speaker with a very loud - literally a
stentorian - voice, and he succeeded in delivering an address, but as
only those who were very close were able to hear him, and as they were
all Socialists, it was not of much effect upon those for whom it was

They came again the next Sunday and nearly every other Sunday during
the summer: sometimes they were permitted to hold their meeting in
comparative peace and at other times there was a row.  They made
several converts, and many people declared themselves in favour of
some of the things advocated, but they were never able to form a
branch of their society there, because nearly all those who were
convinced were afraid to publicly declare themselves lest they should
lose their employment or customers.

Chapter 44

The Beano

Now and then a transient gleam of sunshine penetrated the gloom in
which the lives of the philanthropists were passed.  The cheerless
monotony was sometimes enlivened with a little innocent merriment.
Every now and then there was a funeral which took Misery and Crass
away for the whole afternoon, and although they always tried to keep
the dates secret, the men generally knew when they were gone.

Sometimes the people in whose houses they were working regaled them
with tea, bread and butter, cake or other light refreshments, and
occasionally even with beer - very different stuff from the petrifying
liquid they bought at the Cricketers for twopence a pint.  At other
places, where the people of the house were not so generously disposed,
the servants made up for it, and entertained them in a similar manner
without the knowledge of their masters and mistresses.  Even when the
mistresses were too cunning to permit of this, they were seldom able
to prevent the men from embracing the domestics, who for their part
were quite often willing to be embraced; it was an agreeable episode
that helped to vary the monotony of their lives, and there was no harm

It was rather hard lines on the philanthropists sometimes when they
happened to be working in inhabited houses of the better sort.  They
always had to go in and out by the back way, generally through the
kitchen, and the crackling and hissing of the poultry and the joints
of meat roasting in the ovens, and the odours of fruit pies and tarts,
and plum puddings and sage and onions, were simply maddening.  In the
back-yards of these houses there were usually huge stacks of empty
beer, stout and wine bottles, and others that had contained whisky,
brandy or champagne.

The smells of the delicious viands that were being prepared in the
kitchen often penetrated into the dismantled rooms that the
philanthropists were renovating, sometimes just as they were eating
their own wretched fare out of